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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #6691
    shutterbird Guest

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    Hahahahaha

    Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML
    http://www.fmylife.com/?page=1

  2. #6692

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  3. #6693
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    Uh oh, it looks like the cousin is going to be in trouble. He called his PO and left a message saying it doesn't look like he can test today since the money his dad sent has not come in yet. Then he talks to his dad and he is like "Well, I talked to her about an hour ago and she said you HAVE to test TODAY."

    He asked how much it would be in gas to take him downtown to test and I just explained to him that not only do I need to spend the majority of today studying, but with the holidays and such...we are STRAPPED. I have less than a quarter tank of gas and 10 bucks in my bank account. I have no money to lend him, there's nothing I can do.
    Janeen - 30, Jimi - 42; Married October 21st, 2006;


  4. #6694
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Quote Originally Posted by adlibby View Post
    Forgive me but I'm late to the 'potato stamp' thing and am too lazy to scroll back to see what it's all about...I'm intrigued though...what is it?
    Here is Kim's: http://artically.blogspot.com/2009/1...ing-craft.html

    And mine: http://claireronin.wordpress.com/200...travel-dreams/

    I used the right kind of potatoes, but I carved the stamp to be raised instead of inverted, which might be why it didn't work as well.


  5. #6695
    shutterbird Guest

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    I like how it turned out! I was contemplating cutting the potato like that this morning, Lydia!

  6. #6696
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    I'm adding to the joke thread (loved the double entendre, btw).



    A cowboy walks into a bar and notices it's empty. He asks the bartender where everyone is.

    "They're at the hangin'," the bartender says.

    "Who's being hanged?"

    "Brown Paper Pete," replies the bartender.

    "That's a weird name."

    "Well, see, everything he wears is made out of brown paper. His hat, his clothes, even his boots."

    "What a weird person. What's he being hanged for?"

    "Rustlin'."


  7. #6697

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    Ok Lydia. I was like derrrrr, but then I couldn't help but bust up laughing. Thanks!!
    Anna Mommy to 4 boys!! 16 yrs., 14 yrs., 7 yrs., and baby.
    Mean people produce little mean people!!

  8. #6698

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    Quote Originally Posted by shutterbird View Post
    Here's the rundown on my old blog... http://artically.blogspot.com/2009/1...ing-craft.html
    Thanks!! I thought it sounded like you all might have been talking about a cool craft to do with a LO. It's a neat idea for card making. This year DD is still a little too young to help me decorate cards so I bought cardstock, painted her hand with glue and impressed it on the cardstock, dashed glitter over it then did the same with one of our dogs. They turned out pretty cool but the potato is something she can actually work with herself.




  9. #6699
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    My blog has arts & crafts tags on the side (I think Kim's does too) so you can look for things we've done that way. Some are easier for babies, some need more help.


  10. #6700

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    Nice, thanks! The rain has finally arrived here and DD is becoming stir crazy. I'm going to take a look right now .



  11. #6701

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    What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an aardvark?














    An armadildo.
    Krista & Jonathan: Liam, our one and only, born 9 Sep 2008



  12. #6702
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunrider View Post
    What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an aardvark?














    An armadildo.


    What did 0 say to 8?

















    Nice belt!


  13. #6703
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    TOUGH DISMISSAL FOR LITTLE JOHNNIE




    It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.



    Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."



    Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."



    Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"



    Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."



    Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."



    Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.



    Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"



    Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."



    Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."



    Johnny is even madder than before.



    Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"



    Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."



    Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."



    Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.



    When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these *****es would keep their mouths shut!"



    The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"



    Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  14. #6704

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    Bahahahaha

  15. #6705
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    I confess...I'm in slacker holiday party mode already and still have to get through tomorrow and a half day Thursday! Someone should start some drama...the boards have been quiet today......

    I also confess that I'm paranoid about snow (weird because I have lived in WI my entire life)....and we are getting a big storm over the holidays. We weren't going anywhere anyway...but yesterday after work I did a massive grocery shop and probably have enough food to last two weeks (except maybe for milk...DH really likes to drink his milk).

    Plus I have brandy and almost an entire bottle of house red from Olive Garden....so we are set. ;) Dh had overtime this weekend and has worked like 10 days straight so I have hardly seen him at all....really looking forward to hanging out all weekend at home with the two of us. Well three of us since Cosmo is family.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  16. #6706

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer912 View Post
    almost an entire bottle of house red from Olive Garden....
    I didn't know you could buy olive garden wine to bring home! (I've actually never had their wine)

  17. #6707
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I didn't know you could buy olive garden wine to bring home! (I've actually never had their wine)
    You can't exactly. They can't just sell you the bottle due to some law thing. but when we got and have a meal there, we buy a bottle for the table. Dh won't drink anything and drive....just a sip literally. I will have one glass from the bottle. so we will have most of a big bottle left and they will stick a to-go cork in it, put in a wine box sleeve thing, staple it and staple the receipt to the box...and then we can bring it home.

    I LOVE their house wine, especially the red....probably my very favorite wine. Sadly the bottle is $30 but it is a pretty big bottle. We are drinking it for Christmas while we are getting snowed in at home. I just wish we were already in the new house...there we will have a fireplace...the townhouse we rent right now doesn't have a fireplace.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  18. #6708
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    I confess that I answered 93 questions of pure hell this morning.

    I am so glad it's over and glad that I'm pregnant, because after that...I would have headed straight to the bar and been sh!tfaced all day!
    Janeen - 30, Jimi - 42; Married October 21st, 2006;


  19. #6709
    3andMe's Avatar
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    Congrats on getting through your test, Janeen!


  20. #6710

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer912 View Post
    You can't exactly. They can't just sell you the bottle due to some law thing. but when we got and have a meal there, we buy a bottle for the table. Dh won't drink anything and drive....just a sip literally. I will have one glass from the bottle. so we will have most of a big bottle left and they will stick a to-go cork in it, put in a wine box sleeve thing, staple it and staple the receipt to the box...and then we can bring it home.

    I LOVE their house wine, especially the red....probably my very favorite wine. Sadly the bottle is $30 but it is a pretty big bottle. We are drinking it for Christmas while we are getting snowed in at home. I just wish we were already in the new house...there we will have a fireplace...the townhouse we rent right now doesn't have a fireplace.
    Ohh, cool. I thought there was some kind of law about bringing already opened bottles home, but I could be wrong, or maybe that's a state to state kind of law.

  21. #6711

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Ohh, cool. I thought there was some kind of law about bringing already opened bottles home, but I could be wrong, or maybe that's a state to state kind of law.
    I do believe it is a state to state thing.

    Some states even consider "open bottle" to be a 6 pack with one missing - even if the other 5 were never opened.

    ETA: and in some states it varies by county. I know there's a "dry" county or two in Arkansas (NW corner) where there's no liquor sold and you can't even drive through the county with alcohol in the vehicle.
    Last edited by sunrider; 12-23-2009 at 07:30 AM.
    Krista & Jonathan: Liam, our one and only, born 9 Sep 2008



  22. #6712

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    Quote Originally Posted by Janeen View Post
    I confess that I answered 93 questions of pure hell this morning.

    I am so glad it's over and glad that I'm pregnant, because after that...I would have headed straight to the bar and been sh!tfaced all day!

    Congrats! I remember many semesters where I drove straight to the bar from my last class.

  23. #6713

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    Quote Originally Posted by sunrider View Post
    I do believe it is a state to state thing.

    Some states even consider "open bottle" to be a 6 pack with one missing - even if the other 5 were never opened.

    ETA: and in some states it varies by county. I know there's a "dry" county or two in Arkansas (NW corner) where there's no liquor sold and you can't even drive through the county with alcohol in the vehicle.
    Wow!
    I think there are a couple dry towns here, but I don't frequent them

  24. #6714
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Ohh, cool. I thought there was some kind of law about bringing already opened bottles home, but I could be wrong, or maybe that's a state to state kind of law.
    I think that there is but they do re-cork the bottle and staple it into this sleeve thing. Plus if they tested DH, he would pass for sure since he doesn't have more than one sip. Much better to do this and let us bring it home than have people trying to finish off bottles so they won't waste the money but than had way more than they should have.

    I think that maybe the law is something about driving around with open containers of alcohol, like a can of beer or something.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  25. #6715

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    I confess my MIL called us poor people for taking home leftovers yesterday. We got Josh some noodles and a hot dog which MIL claims he loves and eats at her house all the time. He ate like 3 bites. I am a big fan of plain noodles, I put some butter and cheese in them and I'm good to go. So I wanted to take them home. And I know Josh likes hot dogs. So when MIL was trying to put it into the pile for the waitress to throw away I said "Actually we'll take that home" and she looked at me like I had 3 heads. She scraped it all onto one plate, practically threw it at me and said "Here you go, poor people." WTF?
    I said actually I just don't like to waste good food and she said it's just noodles and a hot dog. And we said yeah well at least I won't have to cook anything. I'm happy DH said something with me. Usually he sits there like a bump while I try to defend myself.
    I mean seriously though, what does she care?

  26. #6716

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    Wow - you paid for the food afterall. Does your MIL frequent deposit unused dollar bills in the trash too? Yikes. I always take my doggie bag home.
    Krista & Jonathan: Liam, our one and only, born 9 Sep 2008



  27. #6717

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    LOL
    I dunno, but she also thinks we water down juice to save money, when really we do it to get more water in our diets, and less sugar into Josh's.

  28. #6718
    3andMe's Avatar
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    If I ever had any food left over, I'd take it home, too.


  29. #6719

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    I think it's just, I'm sick of people sharing their opinions about everything...like I care what she thinks about bringing leftovers home.

  30. #6720
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    Well we certainly aren't poor and we always bring home leftovers. Unless it was gross. We often can get another meal out of it for at least one person and sometimes two.

    I have a friend who is French and she thought it was really weird to bring home the food that was left. Until she realized that our portions here are just bigger.

    and my mom always watered down juice for us are the rare times we got it...too much juice is hard on the tummy!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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