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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #6031
    3andMe's Avatar
    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    I'm so sorry Alisha.

    I confess my MIL has canceled her visit on Thanksgiving without telling us. Again. I already bought food for her stay here, everyone coming to Thanksgiving (it's a potluck) included her and her bf into their food planning, and I've been getting the twins excited again for her upcoming visit. Particularly after reading Nurtureshock, I'm annoyed that I've been telling them something that won't happen. But also, I'm upset that she didn't even bother to tell us.

    DH called and left messages for her the day we got back, and after not hearing from her for a day or two, he called her bf who said they weren't coming and was surprised she hadn't called him back, since she'd gotten the messages.

    She canceled a visit in July because she was angry with dh and giving him the silent treatment. They reconciled, so this cancellation was a surprise. The twins haven't seen her since last Thanksgiving.


  2. #6032

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    Quote Originally Posted by heartmyboyz View Post
    This is our cycle exactly. We were thisclose to not making rent this month, and rent is already due next week.
    We are like $300 short right now.
    6[/B] pounds down 34 more to go!

  3. #6033
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    Janeen - 30, Jimi - 42; Married October 21st, 2006;


  4. #6034

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    Squee! Congrats Janeen!

  5. #6035
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Squee! Congrats Janeen!
    While I'm feeling pretty confident from what we saw today, I'm still not putting all of my eggs in the girl basket. I almost changed the ticker to pink but I'm too nervous about it to go that far yet! LOL...I'm hoping it is a girl but, oh man...I also still feel like "who knows" and I am sure I will until the anatomy scan!
    Janeen - 30, Jimi - 42; Married October 21st, 2006;


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    I hate to be the Debbie Downer, but I need some of my secular ladies love...

    I am about 99% sure that Brandon and I will be getting a divorce. I guess he has been unhappy for a while and told one of his friends a few months ago that he wanted to leave, and give me the ultimatum that I could stay here, and he would pay child support, or I could move back to WY with my parents, and he'd make me sign something saying he wasn't required to pay............................................... .............

    Today when I confronted him about this, he said he doesn't know if that's how he still feels, he's not sure what he wants to do, and he's not sure that he ever loved me.

    On top of all that I had oral surgery this morning. I have a hole the size of a quarter from right above my gums that goes through into my maxillary sinus. I'm not supposed to blow my nose, or sneeze for 6 weeks, and I have spent the last 3.5 hours crying.

  7. #6037
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    Ash! I don't know what to say...
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  8. #6038

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    Yes huge huge
    Anna Mommy to 4 boys!! 16 yrs., 14 yrs., 7 yrs., and baby.
    Mean people produce little mean people!!

  9. #6039
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    Quote Originally Posted by atenielle View Post
    I hate to be the Debbie Downer, but I need some of my secular ladies love...

    I am about 99% sure that Brandon and I will be getting a divorce. I guess he has been unhappy for a while and told one of his friends a few months ago that he wanted to leave, and give me the ultimatum that I could stay here, and he would pay child support, or I could move back to WY with my parents, and he'd make me sign something saying he wasn't required to pay............................................... .............

    Today when I confronted him about this, he said he doesn't know if that's how he still feels, he's not sure what he wants to do, and he's not sure that he ever loved me.

    On top of all that I had oral surgery this morning. I have a hole the size of a quarter from right above my gums that goes through into my maxillary sinus. I'm not supposed to blow my nose, or sneeze for 6 weeks, and I have spent the last 3.5 hours crying.
    Awww man.

    There seems to be a lot of the big D word going around lately.

    I guess all I can say is that I hope you guys figure it out soon, the solution is near and the process of whatever the two of you choose isn't long and drawn out.
    Janeen - 30, Jimi - 42; Married October 21st, 2006;


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    I can't decide what hurts more - The fact that he said to my face he doesn't know if he EVER loved me, or the fact that he would be willing to sign his rights away as a father, and never see his daughters again. (No way in hell would I sign that agreement to where he got out of paying child support if it also said he still got to see them.)

  11. #6041
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    Looking at those two sweet faces in your siggy, I just can't imagine how he could say that. I'm sorry.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  12. #6042

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    I'm sorry for everyone who is going through trouble right now, and it seems like a lot of people. I'm sad that people can be so hurtful.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  13. #6043

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    Quote Originally Posted by atenielle View Post
    I hate to be the Debbie Downer, but I need some of my secular ladies love...

    I am about 99% sure that Brandon and I will be getting a divorce. I guess he has been unhappy for a while and told one of his friends a few months ago that he wanted to leave, and give me the ultimatum that I could stay here, and he would pay child support, or I could move back to WY with my parents, and he'd make me sign something saying he wasn't required to pay............................................... .............

    Today when I confronted him about this, he said he doesn't know if that's how he still feels, he's not sure what he wants to do, and he's not sure that he ever loved me.

    On top of all that I had oral surgery this morning. I have a hole the size of a quarter from right above my gums that goes through into my maxillary sinus. I'm not supposed to blow my nose, or sneeze for 6 weeks, and I have spent the last 3.5 hours crying.
    Aw no! I don't know what to say. I had no idea you all were having big problems. I am so sorry. I can't believe he'd consider signing away his rights to his children. I am just so so sorry. You and your girls deserve better than that.

  14. #6044

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    Ohh no Ashley. I'm so sorry.

  15. #6045
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    Oh Ashley I'm so sorry. I too don't know how anyone could see those sweet girls faces and not do everything humanly possible to be in their lives.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  16. #6046
    3andMe's Avatar
    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    I'm so sorry, Ashley. However it turns out, you do not have to sign away your rights to child support, whether or not you're living with your parents. He not only has a moral but a financial obligation to provide for the children he helped create, no matter how you swing your living expenses. You could choose to live in your car and have no expenses, but he would still be obligated to pay.

    Again, I am so sorry. I can't believe how much this must be hurting you.


  17. Default

    Well we talked a little bit this morning, and I guess what was said about him not paying is if I took the girls out of state without his permission.
    We agreed that neither of us are happy - neither of us really saw ourselves married with two kids at 23, and 22. I am looking into what it takes for us to get a separation, then divorce, and I will be taking the girls back to Wyoming when my parents come down for Christmas.
    We will have to work out custody details, but essentially I will have full custody, and they will come see him, and his family at some point throughout the year(s).
    We don't really have any property, but we have a few household things - furniture, kitchen appliances, etc. We bought a couch while we were living in WY, and he said I can have it - he has 3 from his mom... All the kitchen stuff I can have... Basically he just wants it done and isn't really going to fight me on anything - as long as the girls come visit.

  18. #6048

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    Quote Originally Posted by atenielle View Post
    I can't decide what hurts more - The fact that he said to my face he doesn't know if he EVER loved me, or the fact that he would be willing to sign his rights away as a father, and never see his daughters again. (No way in hell would I sign that agreement to where he got out of paying child support if it also said he still got to see them.)
    That is the one big that I got from your previous post. If that is the way he feels then those little angels would be far better off without him in their life.
    I just want to shake some sense into him...does he not realize what he is saying? What he will lose?
    Ashley, I think, honestly, that you need someone who appreciate you and all you have to offer. Not some brainless wonder that is so immersed in his own life that he isn't able to see the amazing blessings he has in all three of you.
    Sorry you are going through this. I would make it all disappear if I could.
    Me: Julie-46 DH: Kelly-52 DD: Rhianna-17 DS: Gage-He's 3!

  19. #6049

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    I confess that it is painful to hear how many of our APA ladies are experiencing financial difficulty...I hope the new year brings loads of opportunities for all of you

    Congratulations Janeen. Little girls are so much fun!
    Me: Julie-46 DH: Kelly-52 DD: Rhianna-17 DS: Gage-He's 3!

  20. #6050
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    I confess I've got bad news, too; I've had another m/c. Very early this time. I'm a little numb about it. I've decided to have a ttc break so that I can go to the gym for awhile; I'll have a few drinks at all the Christmas parties I'll be attending, just basically trying to stay positive about everything. We'll try again some time next year.

    Ash, I'm sorry about you and your husband. I hope you can sort something out. You and your little girls deserve better.

    Alisha, I'm so sorry about your financial difficulties.

    Lydia, I can't believe your MIL. Some people just don't appreciate the family they have.

  21. #6051
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    Oh Silver, I'm so sorry.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  22. #6052

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    Oh Ashley. I am so sorry. I hope the two of you can some to some sort of agreement in a friendly matter. If separation/divorce makes you a happier person, and thereby a happier environment for those beautiful little girls, then you have to do what's best. If you want Tred to beat the pulp out of him I'm sure he might be willing (especially if you catch him on a day our boss has pissed him off).

    Lydia - I can't believe your MIL. That's just rude to cancel your plans and not even bother to tell your hosts. I hope you, DH and the twins can still have a good holiday. That would be really hard after psyching them up about seeing her, only to have it fall through.

    Silverstar Sometimes a break is just what's needed. After having been through a m/c myself, I sort of understand the numbness. I only had one - I can't imagine two (or more ).
    Krista & Jonathan: Liam, our one and only, born 9 Sep 2008



  23. #6053

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    I confess I'll throw myself out there with the financial issues. Stupid Commerce online bill pay screw ups - we were overdrawn twice in the last month. I hate the way Commerce does both their online bill pay stuff AND their overdraft protection. Bank of America was orders of magnitute better. But I expect to be sued by them any time now.

    I'm finally getting my butt in gear with the Quit Claim Deeds to get parents' houses out of our names - and then we have to wait TWO YEARS before we can file bankruptcy. I expect to be sued by 3 banks in that time period (as we just stop paying on those credit cards).

    Money sucks, but only when you don't have enough of it.
    Krista & Jonathan: Liam, our one and only, born 9 Sep 2008



  24. #6054

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    I'm sorry silverstar.
    We are having money issues too, and I may have to give in and get a job I hate. Part of the problem is my husband is such a softie he buys things he knows I want even though we can't really afford it. I try to protest and he does it anyway. He wants to give us so much more, but I keep thinking, it's not really the money or material things I want.

  25. #6055

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    So sorry, silverstar


    2/09 6/09 4/14

  26. #6056

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    We need this.

  27. #6057

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I'm sorry silverstar.
    We are having money issues too, and I may have to give in and get a job I hate. Part of the problem is my husband is such a softie he buys things he knows I want even though we can't really afford it. I try to protest and he does it anyway. He wants to give us so much more, but I keep thinking, it's not really the money or material things I want.
    I refer to my husband sometimes as "The Great Enabler". Dude, you should tell me no sometimes! Cause if he tells me no, that means no! I know he's trying to make me happy, but if it means money stress later . . . .
    Krista & Jonathan: Liam, our one and only, born 9 Sep 2008



  28. #6058

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    Quote Originally Posted by atenielle View Post
    I hate to be the Debbie Downer, but I need some of my secular ladies love...

    I am about 99% sure that Brandon and I will be getting a divorce. I guess he has been unhappy for a while and told one of his friends a few months ago that he wanted to leave, and give me the ultimatum that I could stay here, and he would pay child support, or I could move back to WY with my parents, and he'd make me sign something saying he wasn't required to pay............................................... .............

    Today when I confronted him about this, he said he doesn't know if that's how he still feels, he's not sure what he wants to do, and he's not sure that he ever loved me.

    On top of all that I had oral surgery this morning. I have a hole the size of a quarter from right above my gums that goes through into my maxillary sinus. I'm not supposed to blow my nose, or sneeze for 6 weeks, and I have spent the last 3.5 hours crying.
    Quote Originally Posted by silverstar View Post
    I confess I've got bad news, too; I've had another m/c. Very early this time. I'm a little numb about it. I've decided to have a ttc break so that I can go to the gym for awhile; I'll have a few drinks at all the Christmas parties I'll be attending, just basically trying to stay positive about everything. We'll try again some time next year.

    Ash, I'm sorry about you and your husband. I hope you can sort something out. You and your little girls deserve better.

    Alisha, I'm so sorry about your financial difficulties.

    Lydia, I can't believe your MIL. Some people just don't appreciate the family they have.
    I am so sorry
    6[/B] pounds down 34 more to go!

  29. #6059
    shutterbird Guest

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    Ash- Again, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. He needs to man up, seriously.

    Silverstar, I'm so incredibly sorry, hon.

  30. #6060

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    Has anyone heard from WillowSpy? I noticed that it has been over a week since she posted...hope she and bean are okay...



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