Secular Confessions

[elmobo-n-lexi]

I've NEVER heard of AP or Trad. until APA! Seriously! Evie does look like a ninja! HA!

[The10Eels]

I confess it took 3 weeks but we finally got Charlies insurance card. Now the lady from registration can stop looking at me like I am a liar when I say we HAVE applied for her, just havent got the card yet

[daylilies]

I confess, I really just cannot decide how I know if it will be worth it to stay. It's not like he's done anything *horrible* to me. It's a buildup of a lot of stuff and some major clashes in personality. But how do I know that the relationship will never be what I want it to be even if we work on it? How do I know when to stop trying?

[Janeen]

I confess that today, I totally feel like I overdid it yesterday. Is that possible this early on? My back is killing me and my lower abdomen feels a bit achy too.

I told Jimi it's definitely feeling like a "pregnancy day"

[elmobo-n-lexi]

I confess I woke up this morning to a baby who unbuttoned her jammies and took her diaper off. She had pee from one end of the bed to the other. HOW did she get her jammies off? I can hardly get the dam buttons undone! She was so happy when I walked in. She was jumping up and down and squealing with delight........covered in pee.......

[Janeen]

I confess, I really just cannot decide how I know if it will be worth it to stay. It's not like he's done anything *horrible* to me. It's a buildup of a lot of stuff and some major clashes in personality. But how do I know that the relationship will never be what I want it to be even if we work on it? How do I know when to stop trying?

I confess that I battled with this before I left my ex-husband for good. I left and met another guy, bouncing back and forth between the two probably 3 or 4 times. Even after I had moved to California and had ex-husband file for the divorce, I still made my way back to Arizona to him a couple of times.

Then, it was just over and I knew I wasn't going back, ever again.

Have you considered a trial separation to give it a try and see how you feel about it?

[elmobo-n-lexi]

[Janeen]

Big E, why are you boohooing?

[Janeen]

I confess that I'm feeling a bit saddened. I am really doubting my ability to breastfeed and keep up with no sleep.

I know this is horrible and a stupid reason to most but let me tell you...Janeen + no sleep = disaster, feeling like pure sh!t and well, just not good at all.

[elmobo-n-lexi]

My grandma. She has mesothelioma and asbestos poisoning (from working at ford motor co. for 40 years) and hep c from a blood transfusion from 1981, before they tested for hep c. Anyway, they don't know if she's going to make it until Christmas. For the past couple years we've said, "we have to make sure these last Christmases are extra special, who knows how many we have left". Well, i'm just unprepared. I'm so sad for mammaw and wish I could take her pain away. She's on oxygen and is so cute and in good spirits, which makes me even sadder. I hate to see her like this and I just want to avoid it altogether, but I can't do that either.

[Janeen]

My grandma. She has mesothelioma and asbestos poisoning (from working at ford motor co. for 40 years) and hep c from a blood transfusion from 1981, before they tested for hep c. Anyway, they don't know if she's going to make it until Christmas. For the past couple years we've said, "we have to make sure these last Christmases are extra special, who knows how many we have left". Well, i'm just unprepared. I'm so sad for mammaw and wish I could take her pain away. She's on oxygen and is so cute and in good spirits, which makes me even sadder. I hate to see her like this and I just want to avoid it altogether, but I can't do that either.

Awww hun, I'm sorry to hear this.

[elmobo-n-lexi]

Awww hun, I'm sorry to hear this.

Thanks Janeen. You always know your grandparents are going to die, but not my mammaw.

And you'll do fine, mama. Just put that baby on your boob every couple of hours. Co sleeping was a HUGE thing for us. When I was BFing, cosleeping was my best friend. I could just pop her on a boob and go back to sleep. I got the best sleep EVER when I was BFing and bed sharing. Although, there were many times I'd wake up in the middle of the night and I had mik ALL in her hair, on her clothes. LOL! It was worth it for the sleep though.

[Janeen]

We have decided on not co-sleeping for the fact of not waking both people up when it's not necessary. Who knows if that will change but for now that's the plan.

I just can't imagine making Jimi wake up every night too when he works from 6am-9pm just about every weekday.

[elmobo-n-lexi]

We have decided on not co-sleeping for the fact of not waking both people up when it's not necessary. Who knows if that will change but for now that's the plan.

I just can't imagine making Jimi wake up every night too when he works from 6am-9pm just about every weekday.

That's true. When I was BFing and bedsharing, it was when DH was on midnights, so I had the bed to myself. Didn't think about that. Although, we did bedshare until Lex was 7 months, but we formula fed, so I left her in bed with him while I made the bottle, so in turn, he still got up when the baby did. He just......happily dealt with it. But I do understand your not wanting to do it that way. EEK, this stinks! I'm sorry you're having a hard time figuring this out! You'll figure it out. One way or the other, no matter what you do or don't do, it'll all be fine! You'll get through it. The first few weeks really are the hardest, and once THAT part is over, it gets a WHOLE lot easier (the whole mothering process, not just the feeding part)

[Janeen]

That's true. When I was BFing and bedsharing, it was when DH was on midnights, so I had the bed to myself. Didn't think about that. Although, we did bedshare until Lex was 7 months, but we formula fed, so I left her in bed with him while I made the bottle, so in turn, he still got up when the baby did. He just......happily dealt with it. But I do understand your not wanting to do it that way. EEK, this stinks! I'm sorry you're having a hard time figuring this out! You'll figure it out. One way or the other, no matter what you do or don't do, it'll all be fine! You'll get through it. The first few weeks really are the hardest, and once THAT part is over, it gets a WHOLE lot easier (the whole mothering process, not just the feeding part)

I can hear myself now during the wee hours of the morning, "Just a few weeks, Big E said just a few weeks of this hardness."

I will be haunting you if it doesn't work out that way.

[heartmyboyz]

We have decided on not co-sleeping for the fact of not waking both people up when it's not necessary.

See this was never a problem for us. Robert would just sleep right through the night feedings and diaper changes. Maybe your dh will too.

[Janeen]

See this was never a problem for us. Robert would just sleep right through the night feedings and diaper changes. Maybe your dh will too.

Psh, he was talking about having a full sized bed in the nursery "for whoever was on night duty!!!" I. Think. Not.

[girlwonder]

You will do fine, Janeen. And if bf-ing isn't for you, then that's okay too. It works out how it will work out and your baby will love you no matter how you feed him/her.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, Elmobo-n-lexi.

Kate - it's hard to know what to do, sometimes. I hate it when your gut says one thing and then it also says the exact opposite.

[elmobo-n-lexi]

I can hear myself now during the wee hours of the morning, "Just a few weeks, Big E said just a few weeks of this hardness."

I will be haunting you if it doesn't work out that way.

AW now don't hold me accountable if i'm wrong! LOL!!! You're going to be a great mommy. Your baby is a lucky child to have such cool laid back parents! Like my kids! How did they get so lucky to have DH and I?

[girlwonder]

Psh, he was talking about having a full sized bed in the nursery "for whoever was on night duty!!!" I. Think. Not.

We did this and I LOVED it - I would go in and nurse J while lying down. I would doze until she was done, then put her back down in her crib and go back to our room to sleep again. It made not having her in our room work just fine.

[stephmama]

I can say that I breastfeed and cosleep because I'm LAZY. And there was never a problem with DH waking up.

[Janeen]

We did this and I LOVED it - I would go in and nurse J while lying down. I would doze until she was done, then put her back down in her crib and go back to our room to sleep again. It made not having her in our room work just fine.

I am so not down for that. I'm too addicted to sleeping with my husband and I would probably fall asleep in there and not wake back up. lol, there have been a few times I have fallen asleep on the couch and wouldn't wake up to go to bed. When I did wake up, I felt lost and kind of sad that I had missed out on almost a whole night of sleeping with Jimi. I know, pretty friggin silly LOL

[daylilies]

I confess that I battled with this before I left my ex-husband for good. I left and met another guy, bouncing back and forth between the two probably 3 or 4 times. Even after I had moved to California and had ex-husband file for the divorce, I still made my way back to Arizona to him a couple of times.

Then, it was just over and I knew I wasn't going back, ever again.

Have you considered a trial separation to give it a try and see how you feel about it?

Yes, I actually have considered that. But I'm afraid if I leave and decide I want to come back, DH will not take me back. He's basically said as much.

I confess that I'm feeling a bit saddened. I am really doubting my ability to breastfeed and keep up with no sleep.

I know this is horrible and a stupid reason to most but let me tell you...Janeen + no sleep = disaster, feeling like pure sh!t and well, just not good at all.

This is me also. I can't be a good mommy on no sleep.

[The10Eels]

I can hear myself now during the wee hours of the morning, "Just a few weeks, Big E said just a few weeks of this hardness."

I will be haunting you if it doesn't work out that way.

Bwahahaha.... No seriously... The first few weeks are the hardest... (at least they were for us - SO FAR! )

See this was never a problem for us. Robert would just sleep right through the night feedings and diaper changes. Maybe your dh will too.

Yeah... DH sleeps right through Charlie's night feedings and diaper changes... Slept right through Audri's too...

I am so not down for that. I'm too addicted to sleeping with my husband and I would probably fall asleep in there and not wake back up. lol, there have been a few times I have fallen asleep on the couch and wouldn't wake up to go to bed. When I did wake up, I felt lost and kind of sad that I had missed out on almost a whole night of sleeping with Jimi. I know, pretty friggin silly LOL

I confess I am pretty jealous of your relationship with your DH. It sounds like a fairytale

[Janeen]

I confess I am pretty jealous of your relationship with your DH. It sounds like a fairytale

I don't know about fairy tale but it definitely has the mush factor.

[Janeen]

But I do confess that when people tell me stuff like that, it makes me love "us" even more.

[3andMe]

Janeen, my dh sleeps with earplugs and slept just fine through all of the night-time feedings and diaper changes. I never woke him up except for the one big rocket poo incident. I co-slept too, and can't imagine all the nighttime feedings any other way. Believe it or not, I slept better after the babies were born, too. It wasn't the best sleep in my life but it was certainly better than the last few months of pregnancy. Somehow the mama adrenaline works to make the sleep deprivation more tolerable.

Ashley/Big E, I'm really sorry about your grandmother.

[elmobo-n-lexi]

Thanks everybody.

I am so not down for that. I'm too addicted to sleeping with my husband and I would probably fall asleep in there and not wake back up. lol, there have been a few times I have fallen asleep on the couch and wouldn't wake up to go to bed. When I did wake up, I felt lost and kind of sad that I had missed out on almost a whole night of sleeping with Jimi. I know, pretty friggin silly LOL

I totally know what you mean! DH and I can't sleep without each other either. I toss and turn all night without him. No way could I've sent him to the couch or to another bed so me and baby could sleep. NOONE would get any sleep! LOL

[Ky'sMom]

Ashley, so sorry to hear about your grandma. Losing a grandparent is so hard. I still miss my grandma and she died nearly 6 years ago. I still want to call her most days and then I remember that she's gone. She was the only person in my life who I could totally depend on and once she passed I was just in a state of shock for a long time, over a year because I felt I could only depend on myself and that was a scary thought at the time. Sorry for being so sad, but I do still miss my grandma so much. Treasure these holidays with your mawmaw. We had a fun Christmas and New Years for my grandma's last holidays.

And Kate, I would just focus on yourself right now and try to do some things for yourself that you want to do for a specific amount of time before you make a final decision. I gave myself 18 months to see if I could get over my ill feelings and really my feelings of digust toward my DH over some of the things he did and the way he treated me last year. I decided to focus on myself and my kids and just try to be cordial and kind to DH like I am to pretty much everyone else in my life. A lot of the times, DH and I got into fights and he is just a confrontational, aggressive type of person and I was starting to be defensive and aggressive just like him and I had to take a step back and decide to just be myself again. The woman I was when I was just starting college or 22 when I knew I was the strongest person I knew and that no one and nothing could bring me down. I needed to get my confidence back and really it has helped not only myself, because I do feel like myself again, but it has helped DH and I's relationship as well. My 18 months though is still not up and I'm still kind of pissed off at him so I still haven't fully made my decision yet. But I'm confident that whatever I chose to do, will be the right thing because I'm not being swayed by the negativity and depressive thoughts I was having this time last year.

I hope everything works out for you.

Erin

[AlishaAnew]

It is hard for me to sleep without DH and Vice versa.
I try not to go out of town too much because neither of us would sleep well at all. Plus I would get scared for no reason at all.