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Thread: Secular Confessions

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    Oh hun! HUGE HUGE hugs!

  2. #5582
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    I'm a bit crabby at website redesigns today. One of the ones I use often in my job is called Pubmed.gov It indexes medical journal articles (Medline) and is free for anyone to use. Worked fine but then someone had the bright idea to redesign it. Ok fine so it does look prettier. But now I have no clue what I'm doing and I'm supposed to be the expert searcher and teaching others how to use the databases. I had someone come in yesterday specifically wanting to use Pubmed but couldn't figure it out. And my fellow librarian was out and he was the one who prefers this search engine.
    I basically had her use Ovid (another database that we pay for that indexes Medline) because that is MY preference and one I know how to use and I think is much easier.

    Earlier this year basically the same thing happened with the database that indexes nursing and allied health journals.....it's been almost a year and while I'm used to it, I miss the old version.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  3. #5583
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    Oh wow....I'm sorry.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  4. #5584
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    Gosh, daylilies, I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope that you can come to a solution that works for you and Josh.

  5. #5585

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    Quote Originally Posted by atenielle View Post
    I forgot to add yesterday... Our shower has a window in it as well... Though they were smart enough to not do a wooden window sill... Its all tile, but sMIL put blinds in it, and the blinds get wet with every shower (duh) and now are all moldy/mildew-y. Its rather disgusting...
    My plan is once the window is actually right, I'm going to pop off the wood trim and attempt to insert tile instead. I've never actually tiled before, so it ought to be a horrible experience. Trying to fit in whatever is available from the Lowe's shelves, into the confines of my shower.

    Quote Originally Posted by silverstar View Post
    I went for my 3rd (and hopefully final) blood draw from the miscarriage today. There was a practice nurse there and they asked me if she could do my draw. She looked a nervous wreck and I should have really said no, but I felt sorry for her, so I said yes. She did a number on my arm! And there was blood everywhere....and I nearly fainted....so, I think I might have scarred her for life....LOL. I really hope my numbers have gone down so that I don't have to go back there!
    You are so much braver than I am. I'm fine with needles for shots, but tend to get dizzy and pass out when it involves one of my veins. I would have said h3ll no to letting her practice on me.
    Krista & Jonathan: Liam, our one and only, born 9 Sep 2008



  6. #5586

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Natural light in the bathroom is great! This house is the first time I've had that since I lived at home. I love it. In the summer I didn't even have to turn the lights on in there.

    I confess, major drama and words were exchanged last night. I don't think things will ever be the same. At least I know the truth now, how he has always felt about me and I think he knows how I feel about him. I asked him why we got married and had a kid if he always kinda felt like he didn't like me that much, and he said he wasn't sure. We don't have a lot in common, and we don't have that "in love" feeling I always wanted to feel about whoever I married, and how I wanted them to feel about me. I don't know if we'll ever get that feeling and I think I will always live my life regretting that I didn't marry and have kids with someone I was really in love with. I found out a lot of things I didn't know about how DH feels about me and my personality, and why he stays with me (not out of wanting to, but obligation) I cried so much that my eyes are swollen and I feel dehydrated. I think I realized my life will never be what I wanted it to be. I keep wishing there was a way to split myself in two and live my life here and be there for Josh and still get my happy, loving, supportive, mutual feelings relationship. I really do.
    A lot more was discussed, but it would take a novel to get into it!
    This makes me really sad for you. Forgive me if this is too forward but why do you want to stay with him? You could still find that love you are looking for. You truly deserve to be with someone who loves you and appreciates you. I'm afraid if you stay with him it will just keep bringing you down. Josh needs a happy mom.
    I think you are pretty **** cool and I'm ticked off that he does not see that.

  7. #5587

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    I'm not sure. I'm really not. I keep trying to type out reasons and they all sound so lame LOL
    I never realized how bad it was until last night. I knew how I felt about DH, but I didn't know he felt pretty much the same way about me. I really would like to try to leave, and see what things are like on my own, but at the same time I'm afraid it would be a nightmare. With my mental state still going haywire sometimes, I'm afraid of being a single mom. I need a break once in a while. I also know that having Josh, I probably would not get a chance to date and have fun like I'd want to do if I were single again. I feel a sort of sense of commitment to this marriage. I'm not against divorce but I'd need a **** good reason. Plenty of marriages don't have a warm fuzzy feeling but they still make it work. It sucks, but I feel like I shouldn't leave a life I already made to go looking for something most people never find.

  8. #5588

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    Oh Kate...... I completely don't know what to say but I want to offer you many, many

    And Ashely - huge congrats to you and your DH!!! The long awaited job! WOOT!


  9. Default

    Quote Originally Posted by WillowSpy View Post

    And Ashely - huge congrats to you and your DH!!! The long awaited job! WOOT!
    Thats for sure!!

  10. #5590
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    I confess... Baby Boy!

    And Kate, I am so sorry. I know you've seemed at times to not be really happy with your marriage or your dh, so any sense of obligation he has toward you is not completely out of whack with the feelings you have for him (ie not necessarily romantic love but comfort and security), right? I actually think it says a lot that he's still in this marriage without the emotional attachment. It might show maturity and patience.

    Anyway, I obviously can't put myself in your shoes or your relationship, and I know that conversation was pretty earth-shattering, but if you don't want to strike out on your own, I think there is still hope. A lot of marriage is about mutual obligations and goals and shared interests and a much smaller part is about love. I would suggest going to a couples counselor or doing some marital exercises (and no, that's not another word for sex) to TRY to rediscover both of your positive qualities and to boost your mutual respect and understanding and to work through the hurt.

    I'm sorry you're dealing with this.


  11. #5591

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    Lydia.... CONGRATS! (well, I would have congratulated you either way of course!) How in the world do you know so early? NT scan? CVS?


  12. #5592
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    Oh, I had an NT scan today and it was pretty obvious. Several different professionals independently said "Boy!"

    I apparently had a vanishing twin, too. There was a little empty sac. Dh is wistful and relieved, and I'm just relieved.


  13. #5593

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    Oh.... Kate... I've been thinking about you and your situation... and I have to admit, it reminds me of my parents.

    I can't know for sure if there was never any true love in the picture. I'm tempted to say that there wasn't. They liked each other, and then my dad came to America and marrying him was a really great opportunity for my mom. He was a decent, hard working guy, she was a pretty, hard working, family oriented girl... it just sort of worked for them in a "this is the best we'll get" kind of way. They had me and my sis, and they had their rather platonic life. Around the time I was in high school, something must have snapped - my mom realized that she COULD have led a different life and found a man she truly loved. There was A LOT of fighting, and that was a really dark, ugly time. I have no clue how they worked through it - I think part of it was that my sis and I grew up and moved out, leaving our parents alone with each other and having to cope. They are still together, and while their relationship is still way more platonic than romantic, they seem genuinely happy, comfortable, and secure now.

    I don't know... I don't want to tell you to leave/stay, I guess I just wanted to share my experience of a similar relationship. It CAN work. And Lydia is right - if there is no burning true love, then it takes a HUGE amount of maturity, patience, and sense of responsibility, which are all admirable traits.


  14. #5594

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post
    Oh, I had an NT scan today and it was pretty obvious. Several different professionals independently said "Boy!"

    I apparently had a vanishing twin, too. There was a little empty sac. Dh is wistful and relieved, and I'm just relieved.


    I know it's probably for the best, but nonetheless.


  15. #5595
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    Congrats, Lydia; like I said in the other thread, I was sure you'd have a girl. That's just freaky about another set of twins. I think I can understand how you feel about it, though.

  16. #5596

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post
    Oh, I had an NT scan today and it was pretty obvious. Several different professionals independently said "Boy!"

    I apparently had a vanishing twin, too. There was a little empty sac. Dh is wistful and relieved, and I'm just relieved.
    Wow . . . I can't imagine your life if you were having another set of twins. I think I can feel your relief over here in Missouri!

    Congrats!
    Krista & Jonathan: Liam, our one and only, born 9 Sep 2008



  17. #5597
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    Quote Originally Posted by silverstar View Post
    I went for my 3rd (and hopefully final) blood draw from the miscarriage today. There was a practice nurse there and they asked me if she could do my draw. She looked a nervous wreck and I should have really said no, but I felt sorry for her, so I said yes. She did a number on my arm! And there was blood everywhere....and I nearly fainted....so, I think I might have scarred her for life....LOL. I really hope my numbers have gone down so that I don't have to go back there!

    I hope your numbers have gone down completely so...

    ...you can try again soon? (That was a nudge nudge wink wink you know what I mean in smiley land.) Do you have to or want to wait any length of time?

    I'm sorry that experience was so traumatic. I used to let every random person practice on me, and now I'm not quite so generous.


  18. #5598
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post
    I hope your numbers have gone down completely so...

    ...you can try again soon? (That was a nudge nudge wink wink you know what I mean in smiley land.) Do you have to or want to wait any length of time?

    I'm sorry that experience was so traumatic. I used to let every random person practice on me, and now I'm not quite so generous.
    Aw, thanks, Lydia. Yep, we are back in the TTC phase...hopping right back in to it...literally. LOL. The nurse I saw said we could try as soon as we felt ready. We both feel like we are ready to try again, so keep sending the sticky baby dust this way! I feel good about everything as I've just been told my temporary part-time job is now a permanent role as they want me to stay in the team at work, so getting pregnant now won't be as stressful as I know I'll have maternity benefits. I'm so happy about that. I'm hoping that we'll be pregnant again by Christmas but I know it does take time.

  19. #5599
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    Yay for baby-making! And congrats on the benefits. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.


  20. #5600
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    Kate, I'm so sorry for what you are going through with your DH. I agree there is a lot of wisdom in what Lydia says. Sometimes what I feel for DH is warm and fuzzy, and other times it's more about the fact we have made a commitment to each other. There were times I didn't think I could get the warm and fuzzy back, and then there it is. Don't know if that helps you, but wanted to share.

    Lydia, how exciting that you know already! I'm sorry about the twin, but I can totally understand the relief as well.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  21. #5601
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    Maaaaaan, Kate.

    I confess that my niece cracks me the frig up!
    Janeen - 30, Jimi - 42; Married October 21st, 2006;


  22. #5602

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    Lydia! Congratulations.
    Kate, I'm sorry if it seems like I jumped on you about staying with your husband. Of course you should try and work things out with him if you feel there is a chance. I hope I didn't make you feel worse. Who am I to talk anyway, right? Goodness, I am the last person anyone should take marital advice from. I just see so much sadness in some of your posts and I really wish I could give you the answers you are looking for.

  23. #5603

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    Bridget, I don't feel like you jumped on me at all. It was a good question--made me think. LOL
    Lydia congrats on the boy! Sorry about the twin, but I can understand the relief!
    I have to admit I kind of snorted when you said he must be mature and patient. Those are probably the last two words I'd use to describe him. Hard working and stubborn, maybe. He works through pain and hard times, literally, and emotionally.

    Thanks everyone for your concern and for sharing your stories. I just don't know what to do still. Our trend is to sweep our problems under the rug and move on but I think that is what caused a lot of the problems we have today. We both have to make an effort to be more communicative.

  24. Default

    Today, I accidentally left my locker unlocked in PE and my pants got stolen, so I had to wear my gym shorts for the rest of the day, which included lunch. When I was eating my Fruit Roll Up Wacky Fortunes, I noticed mine said "Bring an extra pair of pants today, your going to need them." Thanks for telling me now, Fruit Roll Up. MLIA
    I confess I am now addicted to www.mylifeisaverage.com thanks to my SIL

  25. #5605

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    Quote Originally Posted by atenielle View Post
    I confess I am now addicted to www.mylifeisaverage.com thanks to my SIL
    LOL
    Haven't checked it out, but it looks funny!
    I confess I just came back from This Is It. I didn't expect to cry but I guess with the stuff that happened last night I was extra sensitive. I lost it when he sang "I'll Be There". I don't care what anyone says. He was an inspiring person and a great artist.

  26. Default

    Today, while driving my 4 year old nephew and his neighbor to preschool, his neighbor (who recently started sunday school at her church) informed him that "God made everything." My nephew thought about this for a moment then replied, "I don't think so, a lot of stuff is made in China." Best. Nephew. Ever.
    LMAO

  27. #5607

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    Lol!

  28. #5608
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    LOL that's good.
    Janeen - 30, Jimi - 42; Married October 21st, 2006;


  29. #5609

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    I confess I want more warm and fuzzies! LOL
    Ok goodnight guys...

  30. #5610

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    I confess that spending time with my in-laws consists of long stretches of mind-deadening boredom, livened up with splashes on intense anger and leavened occasionally with feelings of neutrality, ambivalence and/or bemusement.

    Going to be a long weekend.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


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