Oh hun! HUGE HUGE hugs!
I'm a bit crabby at website redesigns today. One of the ones I use often in my job is called Pubmed.gov It indexes medical journal articles (Medline) and is free for anyone to use. Worked fine but then someone had the bright idea to redesign it. Ok fine so it does look prettier. But now I have no clue what I'm doing and I'm supposed to be the expert searcher and teaching others how to use the databases. I had someone come in yesterday specifically wanting to use Pubmed but couldn't figure it out. And my fellow librarian was out and he was the one who prefers this search engine.
I basically had her use Ovid (another database that we pay for that indexes Medline) because that is MY preference and one I know how to use and I think is much easier.
Earlier this year basically the same thing happened with the database that indexes nursing and allied health journals.....it's been almost a year and while I'm used to it, I miss the old version.
Gosh, daylilies, I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope that you can come to a solution that works for you and Josh.
I think you are pretty **** cool and I'm ticked off that he does not see that.
I'm not sure. I'm really not. I keep trying to type out reasons and they all sound so lame LOL
I never realized how bad it was until last night. I knew how I felt about DH, but I didn't know he felt pretty much the same way about me. I really would like to try to leave, and see what things are like on my own, but at the same time I'm afraid it would be a nightmare. With my mental state still going haywire sometimes, I'm afraid of being a single mom. I need a break once in a while. I also know that having Josh, I probably would not get a chance to date and have fun like I'd want to do if I were single again. I feel a sort of sense of commitment to this marriage. I'm not against divorce but I'd need a **** good reason. Plenty of marriages don't have a warm fuzzy feeling but they still make it work. It sucks, but I feel like I shouldn't leave a life I already made to go looking for something most people never find.
I confess... Baby Boy!
And Kate, I am so sorry. I know you've seemed at times to not be really happy with your marriage or your dh, so any sense of obligation he has toward you is not completely out of whack with the feelings you have for him (ie not necessarily romantic love but comfort and security), right? I actually think it says a lot that he's still in this marriage without the emotional attachment. It might show maturity and patience.
Anyway, I obviously can't put myself in your shoes or your relationship, and I know that conversation was pretty earth-shattering, but if you don't want to strike out on your own, I think there is still hope. A lot of marriage is about mutual obligations and goals and shared interests and a much smaller part is about love. I would suggest going to a couples counselor or doing some marital exercises (and no, that's not another word for sex) to TRY to rediscover both of your positive qualities and to boost your mutual respect and understanding and to work through the hurt.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Oh.... Kate... I've been thinking about you and your situation... and I have to admit, it reminds me of my parents.
I can't know for sure if there was never any true love in the picture. I'm tempted to say that there wasn't. They liked each other, and then my dad came to America and marrying him was a really great opportunity for my mom. He was a decent, hard working guy, she was a pretty, hard working, family oriented girl... it just sort of worked for them in a "this is the best we'll get" kind of way. They had me and my sis, and they had their rather platonic life. Around the time I was in high school, something must have snapped - my mom realized that she COULD have led a different life and found a man she truly loved. There was A LOT of fighting, and that was a really dark, ugly time. I have no clue how they worked through it - I think part of it was that my sis and I grew up and moved out, leaving our parents alone with each other and having to cope. They are still together, and while their relationship is still way more platonic than romantic, they seem genuinely happy, comfortable, and secure now.
I don't know... I don't want to tell you to leave/stay, I guess I just wanted to share my experience of a similar relationship. It CAN work. And Lydia is right - if there is no burning true love, then it takes a HUGE amount of maturity, patience, and sense of responsibility, which are all admirable traits.
Congrats, Lydia; like I said in the other thread, I was sure you'd have a girl. That's just freaky about another set of twins. I think I can understand how you feel about it, though.
I hope your numbers have gone down completely so...
...you can try again soon? (That was a nudge nudge wink wink you know what I mean in smiley land.) Do you have to or want to wait any length of time?
I'm sorry that experience was so traumatic. I used to let every random person practice on me, and now I'm not quite so generous.
Kate, I'm so sorry for what you are going through with your DH. I agree there is a lot of wisdom in what Lydia says. Sometimes what I feel for DH is warm and fuzzy, and other times it's more about the fact we have made a commitment to each other. There were times I didn't think I could get the warm and fuzzy back, and then there it is. Don't know if that helps you, but wanted to share.
Lydia, how exciting that you know already! I'm sorry about the twin, but I can totally understand the relief as well.
Kate, I'm sorry if it seems like I jumped on you about staying with your husband. Of course you should try and work things out with him if you feel there is a chance. I hope I didn't make you feel worse. Who am I to talk anyway, right? Goodness, I am the last person anyone should take marital advice from. I just see so much sadness in some of your posts and I really wish I could give you the answers you are looking for.
Bridget, I don't feel like you jumped on me at all. It was a good question--made me think. LOL
Lydia congrats on the boy! Sorry about the twin, but I can understand the relief!
I have to admit I kind of snorted when you said he must be mature and patient. Those are probably the last two words I'd use to describe him. Hard working and stubborn, maybe. He works through pain and hard times, literally, and emotionally.
Thanks everyone for your concern and for sharing your stories. I just don't know what to do still. Our trend is to sweep our problems under the rug and move on but I think that is what caused a lot of the problems we have today. We both have to make an effort to be more communicative.
I confess I am now addicted to www.mylifeisaverage.com thanks to my SILToday, I accidentally left my locker unlocked in PE and my pants got stolen, so I had to wear my gym shorts for the rest of the day, which included lunch. When I was eating my Fruit Roll Up Wacky Fortunes, I noticed mine said "Bring an extra pair of pants today, your going to need them." Thanks for telling me now, Fruit Roll Up. MLIA
Haven't checked it out, but it looks funny!
I confess I just came back from This Is It. I didn't expect to cry but I guess with the stuff that happened last night I was extra sensitive. I lost it when he sang "I'll Be There". I don't care what anyone says. He was an inspiring person and a great artist.
LMAOToday, while driving my 4 year old nephew and his neighbor to preschool, his neighbor (who recently started sunday school at her church) informed him that "God made everything." My nephew thought about this for a moment then replied, "I don't think so, a lot of stuff is made in China." Best. Nephew. Ever.
I confess that spending time with my in-laws consists of long stretches of mind-deadening boredom, livened up with splashes on intense anger and leavened occasionally with feelings of neutrality, ambivalence and/or bemusement.
Going to be a long weekend.
"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov