Secular Confessions

**daylilies** · 10-30-2009, 05:18 AM

Originally Posted by Ky'sMom

That is too bad. I didn't like my DH for a long time until a few months ago. I decided to focus on myself and forget about him and his selfishness. I told him that, that he was selfish and self centered and materialistic, chauvinistic, and sexist. I told him a lot of things that I was holding back in order to get along. I also told him if he didn't stop being like that I was going to get sick of him and leave. He decided to stop being an ass and I like him again. I still don't feel like I love him the way I used to but it is a different kind of love now that is different but good.

Erin

I'm glad you could work through it. I'm sorry it's not the same but I guess it's better than nothing right?
I've told him how I feel too (not the exact words "I don't like you" but I think I criticize him enough for him to get the point!) and he just won't change. He is who he is, he says. If I don't like it, there's the door. I can't find anything that's quite worth leaving him over though. He says he thinks he has changed, but sometimes I feel like it's for the worse. I'm just tired of trying to figure him out. He'll be super nice one minute and the next he's completely insulting, and he can't figure out why I've kind of given up. I'm just tired of playing that game.
After I re-read this, I realized the last couple sentences probably describes how he feels about me, too.

**3andMe** · 10-30-2009, 05:31 AM

I've gone through periods in just about every relationship when I didn't like the person I was with. That's the point when even their breathing (that constant in and out, in and out) starts driving me crazy. Sometimes it gets better. And sometimes it just gets worse and in addition to the dislike, I start losing respect and sooner or later the relationship ends. I think it partially depends on whether it's innate character or value differences, or whether it's just the way he's treating me or how many fights we're having.

My dh and I occasionally go through times when we snap at each other more, and start taking things the wrong way, and have more moments of resentment and hurt. It builds on itself. At those times I may not like him very much, but it's not because I don't respect him or because we have basic incompatibilities in the important parts of our lifestyles or beliefs--it's just that I don't like the way he's acting toward me (and vice versa, I'm sure). I have found, for us, the best way to deal with this is to watch him very carefully for signs that he's upset about something I've said or done, and try to fix each thing as it happens by explaining that I wasn't being sarcastic or however he misunderstood me. I have to be excessively nice and loving for a while, even if I don't really feel like it, because a few surprise presents or nice gestures or extra attention will help us re-set back to our normal selves. I think I tend to be the one who makes more of an effort to help when this is going on, but he may feel the same way.

Anyway, I think it's totally normal to dislike someone you live with/are in a relationship with, and the reason behind it and the effort that is made to pull out of it will determine what the future holds. It does not always lead to more dislike or a break-up. Still, it's not pleasant to be in the midst of it.

--------------------------

In other news, the Bay Bridge is still closed and I have to be at work at 6 AM today. I got up at 3:50 AM so I can eat breakfast and be there on time. I'm so tired. My days have been long and crazy people keep talking to me.

**daylilies** · 10-30-2009, 05:35 AM

Oh Lydia, I'm so sorry about the bridge! I saw a little headline about it yesterday-it said it was closed indefinitely!

Thanks for sharing about your relationship. The breathing thing made me laugh. I actually got on his case about how he yawns the other night. He can't just open his mouth and yawn. He has to like, moan while he's doing it. I guess I get a little irritated when we have a light sleeping 3 year old with a cold in the next room. LOL

**Bridget** · 10-30-2009, 05:52 AM

Originally Posted by daylilies

I've come to the conclusion that I really don't like my husband. I'm just not sure what to do with this revelation.

I REALLY know how you feel. It sucks. Sometimes mine says things and I just look at him and think to myself, "How did I end up with this man?"

**daylilies** · 10-30-2009, 06:16 AM

Originally Posted by bridgetwu75

I REALLY know how you feel. It sucks. Sometimes mine says things and I just look at him and think to myself, "How did I end up with this man?"

Yep, I do that a lot too. Hugs to you too.

**sunrider** · 10-30-2009, 07:55 AM

Daylillies

Originally Posted by Lydia

I've gone through periods in just about every relationship when I didn't like the person I was with. That's the point when even their breathing (that constant in and out, in and out) starts driving me crazy. Sometimes it gets better. And sometimes it just gets worse and in addition to the dislike, I start losing respect and sooner or later the relationship ends. I think it partially depends on whether it's innate character or value differences, or whether it's just the way he's treating me or how many fights we're having.

My dh and I occasionally go through times when we snap at each other more, and start taking things the wrong way, and have more moments of resentment and hurt. It builds on itself. At those times I may not like him very much, but it's not because I don't respect him or because we have basic incompatibilities in the important parts of our lifestyles or beliefs--it's just that I don't like the way he's acting toward me (and vice versa, I'm sure). I have found, for us, the best way to deal with this is to watch him very carefully for signs that he's upset about something I've said or done, and try to fix each thing as it happens by explaining that I wasn't being sarcastic or however he misunderstood me. I have to be excessively nice and loving for a while, even if I don't really feel like it, because a few surprise presents or nice gestures or extra attention will help us re-set back to our normal selves. I think I tend to be the one who makes more of an effort to help when this is going on, but he may feel the same way.

Seriously

on the breathing.

Lydia . . . I confess I could have written large parts of that about Tred and I.
In the last couple of years we've done that more than when we were dating and the first few married years. But I guess that's typical.

Without sounding too corny, we're almost always tuned into each other's moods and feelings. We frequently finishing each others thoughts, or one will verbalize an idea that the other was thinking of and about to say. Always makes us laugh. But that also means when one of us is in a bad mood and starts to snap, the other "feeds" off the negative energy and snaps right back. Unfortunately in the last year it's led to some fights that include literal screaming at one another and stomping out of the room (usually he's the stomper, leaving me a puddle of tears). But there are always apologies and cuddling later. We know it's not really directed at each other. I wish we could diffuse it before we take it out on each other, but sometimes it doesn't happen that way.

**rhiannasmoms43** · 10-30-2009, 10:57 AM

Originally Posted by sunrider

I confess my mother is driving me nuts with our current email conversation.

She's trying to tell me, the person with the degree in biology, that the way you can tell the difference between having a cold and having the flu is that you never run fevers with a cold and you do with the flu.

WTH?

Yep I read that document too

. Apparently nobody gets a headache with the cold either...

Originally Posted by daylilies

My mom annoyed me last night--first she's like "you're taking Josh around the neighborhood for ToT right? I was like well yes, if it doesn't rain--and I told her about the mall ToT which she totally blew off and she acted like I was depriving Josh if I didn't take him around the neighborhood. Then she acted like the whole neighborhood will hate me if I go to the mall instead and not leave candy on the porch since DH won't be home yet.
Then she said "You're all getting the flu shot right? You should get the H1N1 shot too" I just felt totally pressured. I haven't even decided yet if I'm going to. Probably not...we don't go to playgroups much, Josh isn't in school, I don't work....I just don't see us getting exposed to it really. I don't know.

I change my mind on an hourly basis sometimes. There is so much misinformation and not enough of the necessary information that would ease our minds about this hastily-created vaccine.

**The10Eels** · 10-30-2009, 11:52 AM

I confess -- My boobies are failures.. They have pretty much said that Charlies weight issue is that I have VERY little milk, and long nipples making it hard for her to get areola while nursing... Therefor her nursing isn't stimulating milk production.....

**sunrider** · 10-30-2009, 12:01 PM

I know it would be a pain, but can you pump like mad to stimulate after she nurses? Then as she gets better, she'll be able to take more of your nipple into her mouth to get to the areola?

If you have to supplement, can you use an SNS system so your nips are still getting stimulated?

**The10Eels** · 10-30-2009, 12:33 PM

I am using the hospitals Medela Symphony pump after each nursing session, and we are attempting the SNS feedings, but so far its done nothing but frustrate Charlie. We aren't giving up though. My DR is bringing me some Mothers Milk tea (from his wife) and looking into putting me on Reglan.

**adlibby** · 10-30-2009, 01:02 PM

Originally Posted by atenielle

My DR is bringing me some Mothers Milk tea (from his wife) and looking into putting me on Reglan.

your doc.

((((hugs))))

**The10Eels** · 10-30-2009, 01:04 PM

Originally Posted by adlibby

your doc.

Seriously huh!

**adlibby** · 10-30-2009, 02:08 PM

Snort, chuckle...*laughs sarcastically and rolls eyes*...

**daylilies** · 10-30-2009, 02:13 PM

Originally Posted by adlibby

Snort, chuckle...*laughs sarcastically and rolls eyes*...

Uh oh, now what...lol
Sorry you're having so much trouble Ashley, but good for you for still trying.
I keep thinking I'm ok with skipping the flu shots, but then I remember DH goes into people's homes now to fix their cable...he goes into some pretty nasty areas. He's only been doing it for a month and he's seen drugs, nasty dirty people, and a brothel being run out of someone's home...

**daylilies** · 10-30-2009, 02:26 PM

I just had the weirdest dream! (I fell asleep next to Josh during his nap) I dreamed that I stepped out my basement door and I was on a beach! Like a nice tropical beach, not a Massachusetts beach LOL. I was like oh crap I forgot this was here. It was beautiful. What does it mean?

**The10Eels** · 10-30-2009, 02:36 PM

I dunno what it means, but I want that in my basement!!

**Gwenn** · 10-30-2009, 06:01 PM

I confess DH is watching a program about 12-inch tarantulas. I'm in the next room and even hearing it is creeping me out. "Giant spiders." Ick.

I confess there were periods that I really disliked my DH and wondered how and why I got where I am. We got through it, and I don't feel that way at all now. I think there is a lot of truth in what Lydia wrote.

**daylilies** · 10-30-2009, 06:11 PM

He brought me roses today...see it's stuff like this that I want to love and treasure but I'm just like, ok, what does he want now and what kind of rude thing will he do next that he'll throw the roses in my face about--"Gee I even bought you roses and you can't let this slide"
LOL...no I really do love the roses, but I wish he were like that more often!

**The10Eels** · 10-30-2009, 06:29 PM

I confess I never thought I'd say this, but tonight I am glad we're in the hospital... My mom and DH just got back from the house and FIL and sMIL are fighting... BAD

**AlishaAnew** · 10-31-2009, 10:12 PM

Originally Posted by adlibby

Snort, chuckle...*laughs sarcastically and rolls eyes*...

??

**adlibby** · 10-31-2009, 10:14 PM

Originally Posted by AlishaAnew

??

Oh, it was just a silly story...I'll PM you.

**Janeen** · 11-01-2009, 07:05 AM

I confess...Moses and The Pregnant Nun

Enough said.

**AlishaAnew** · 11-01-2009, 09:48 AM

Originally Posted by Janeen

I confess...Moses and The Pregnant Nun

Enough said.

**AlishaAnew** · 11-01-2009, 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by adlibby

Oh, it was just a silly story...I'll PM you.

Can soul-less creatures be angels??

**elmobo-n-lexi** · 11-01-2009, 09:50 AM

Love it Janeen!!!! You guys looked awesome

**adlibby** · 11-01-2009, 12:18 PM

Originally Posted by AlishaAnew

Can soul-less creatures be angels??

Ditto the

**The10Eels** · 11-01-2009, 02:19 PM

I confess -- WE ARE HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL!!!

She's still down in weight, but after monitoring, I think they realized that I AM feeding my baby, and theres nothing they are doing for us in the hospital that I can't do at home!

**AlishaAnew** · 11-01-2009, 02:31 PM

Originally Posted by atenielle

I confess -- WE ARE HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL!!!

She's still down in weight, but after monitoring, I think they realized that I AM feeding my baby, and theres nothing they are doing for us in the hospital that I can't do at home!

I am glad you are all home.
I am still thinking chubby thoughts for Charli!

**daylilies** · 11-01-2009, 06:13 PM

Yay Ashley! I'm glad they let you come home.
Can someone tell me the big religious opposition to Halloween? I don't feel like wading through tons of information (lazy)

**AlishaAnew** · 11-01-2009, 06:19 PM

Originally Posted by daylilies

Yay Ashley! I'm glad they let you come home.
Can someone tell me the big religious opposition to Halloween? I don't feel like wading through tons of information (lazy)

I think some associate it with some sort of devils day...

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