I'm new and thank God I found you all
I have been reading and crying all day. I am happy to have found you all. I have been married for a year now. We found out last month we were pregnant. This was a great suprise to us dh is 57 and I am 43. We decided not to tell anyone but family for the first trimester. Oct 2 was dh's birthday and the date of our first ulta sound. My mom was hear for it, we all went to the tech room. I new this tech from other apointments I also have had cancer three times in the last year. This tech usualy talkes and jokes but said nothing and my dh was saying nothing. the tech did both internal and external ultrasounds and I was told to get dressed. When I returned to the room my ob was on the phone and my fear was tremendous. she told me the baby was dead and had died at least a couple of weeks prior. Three days later they did the d and c and removed some more cancer. Everyone thinks I should be over this but I am not... I have had two other miscarages but i have never felt like this in my life. I can't help but think I wish I had been in a car wreck or something. I just cant wrap my head around this one. I am not looking forward to going back to work... I have been out on fmla due to a hostal and stressful work environment. I know when I go back there will be things said in spitefulness about my age and having a child. Please pray for me to have compassion towards those people. Thank you all for being here for me I just need to talk to someone that can understand why I can't stop crying or why I can't get anything done. How long before I can function again?
My heart felt thanks and love
Thank you all so much for listening to me and for sharing with me. I can feel the support you give and am grateful for the care you give that support with. I feel a bit better today and hope each day will help me grow stronger. To each of you I would say you are remarkable women, sharing your hopes, dreams, fears and pain with everyone and giving the love to help others heal all losses are painful and you are the women that know that it matters not if you have been unable to conceive or have conceived and lost those hurts all matter and each person hurts and heals differantly. My thoughts and prayers are with you all and I can't thank you enough for being here for us all. My hope for all is peace love and joy to you my new friends. Jana