No pooping in the potty
I'm at a really frustrated place with my DD in the potty training area. And I'm trying to decide if its time to force the issue or continue to let it go and chill out. DH and I hate changing her poopy pull ups at this point, it drives us nuts. Here's whats going on:
Peeing is perfect, no problems at all, no accidents, etc.
She went poop on the kiddy potty about 2 times when she was 2, but has never since. We made the mistake of telling her she did this and now she uses it against us, ie. "I already did it twice!" Smarty pants. :eyeroll:
When she has to poop she goes by herself, to her room, gets a pull up, puts it on, goes poop, and comes to tell me she's ready to change it. I mean, come on, if she can do all that I know she's ready. She's just scared.
We've bought potty books specifically about pooping. She loves reading, talking about doing it, we've offered rewards, sticker charts, candy, treats, trips to the Disney store, absolutely no bribe in the world is working.
Her almost 2 year old cousin just pooped in the potty and I told her, thinking the competition would help. Nothing.
It is like we are getting backed into a corner here. It feels to me like our only choice at this point is to take the pull ups away cold turkey. The only thing I'm afraid of with that is her witholding her poop completely and getting into a medical emergency situation. She is very stubborn, as you can tell. :laugh::ohno::eyeroll:
We can continue to just leave her alone and let her go at her own pace and do it whenever she does it. I tell my DH we either have to confront it full on or completely ignore it and stop talking to her about it. My mom thinks I should leave her alone.
I'd love feedback from those who've been in similar situations. What did you do? Advice?
Oh, and DD is 3.5 btw. :)
Wellllll, ultimately you need to do what you and your DH agree on (not much can happen if you are not on the same page). That said.... I would take those pull-ups away. Going to her own room, getting a diaper (same thing to me!) and using it.... That's all too much in my book. But I am a stricter parent (just more no nonsense type kwim?) :conf: your daughter sort of has the upper hand right now, but that can quickly be changed :cheer: encourage that potty!
I had to push Cody at that age for the poop thing as well. Just take the pull ups away sense she knows the concept. If she were just two I wouldn't push it but, since its 3.5 that's a big difference. I made Cody potty train at that age because he wanted to go to preschool and so that was his motivation to cooperate. FYI here most schools won't even allow a 2.5 year old to attend part-time preschool which is BS but, that's the only reason I pushed it. I think schools up to age 4 should allow for pull ups. It takes less than a minute to change a pull up or diaper but, for a place that's strictly preschool vs actually daycare apparently its a big problem. :eyeroll:
Peeing always happened first for both of my kids. To get them to poop on the potty we did offer a big reward - they got to pick out a toy. It took a long while, though, and was frustrating. We never did pull ups so it was always poopy underwear. We talked about the things that they would get to do and the new toy that they would pick out. When we thought that poop was going to happen we put them on the potty but if we did catch it that way it was not the turning point.
We really talked about it a long time. The kids would be able to tell us exactly what would happen when they pooped on the potty. We waited, and waited and waited. Then it happened and then everything that we said they would get to do/get happened(DD got to go to a potty trained only event and got a new doll, DS1 got to go to the play area at IKEA and picked out a new toy).
If I were you, I'd make the pull ups disappear. Does she need a pull up at night? My DS still needs a diaper at night but since he was in underwear all day long anyway having diapers around wasn't an issue.
A child should have the upper hand when it comes to potty, IMO. I'd leave her alone until she is ready. Forcing it could seriously stress her out and really make her feel like she has no autonomy over her own body which, to me, sends a far greater message to a child than toilet training.
I know it's frustrating. I used to take care of a boy age 4.5 who wouldn't poop on the potty. Imagine changing someone else's child that age? It wasn't fun! But he did it eventually. 3.5 isn't out of the range of normal at all. My son is about that age and he just pooped his pants at the park yesterday because he refused to sit on the potty until it was too late and we couldn't get there in time. It happens at this age. She will get it.
OMG she is my DD2! I mean exactly. Mine pee trained about a month before she turned 3. That was in January (of 2011). She finally pooped on the potty on her own in DECEMBER. We tried everything....leaving her, not making a big deal, charts, incentives, shopping spree, I seriously even offered her cash at one point lol. She is SO stubborn! And like your DD she would put the pull up on herself and go to her place and do it. I hated changing her and I was pregnant to boot so it was really hard to hoist this 40lb kid onto a changing table and change her.
Finally I found a cute box and bought a whole bunch of pull ups and put them in the box and said when they were gone I was not buying any more. I bought at least 4 packs so she had a lot of time to prepare and was old enough to get it. She could see the supply decreasing and we would talk about it and show excitement about how she was going to do it soon. Finally the time came and she was fine with it. She did hold it for a day or 2 but then she went and she was SO PROUD of herself. And from that point on she was fine. She just needed that little nudge and one she did it once she had no issues at all.
You have to know your kid. Some kids should not be nudged. Some kids wont act until pushed slightly. It's really a personality thing. It's not to say you are taking away their power. They just need a little push to take it the rest of the way. And when I saw how proud she was of herself I felt it was the right move for us. So far PTing 2 kids has been 2 totally different experiences.
The only catch was we could not use pull ups for overnight for about a week because I wanted them out of the house and she still was not night trained. We used cloth training pants for about a week (they sucked!) and went back to pull ups for that. She was already fine with the potty so it didn't set her back.
Good luck! It's frustrating!
Ok this is kind of embarrassing...I'm not at the potty training stage with my son yet. But when *I* was being potty trained, my parents took diapers away cold turkey. I still remember it!!! I can remember sitting by their big front window waiting for my grandma to come over so I could ask her to get me diapers lol. So it must've been slightly traumatizing lol since it is one of the only memories I have of being that young. But it worked, I pooped on the potty and I got to go to the toy store and pick out a motorized jeep lol. And no lasting psychological effects, I have no bathroom issues lol.
Thanks, ladies. A lot to consider in these responses. To answer a few more questions:
She does not use pull ups except to poop in. She has been night trained for a year or more at this point.
DH and I will have no problem getting on the same page. And as he is on the road most of the week for his job it all falls to me anyway and he supports me. But we definitely talk things over and he has insight to share, so I will share your responses with him and see what he thinks.
Personality-wise, I am almost thinking she will be the same way she was with night weaning. I could tell she didn't really *want* to nurse anymore, she was just messing around and doing it out of habit. We tried all kids of peaceful substitutions and alternatives but in the end it just came down to me taking it away and her crying it out, albeit with me there to comfort, of course. It took about 2-3 nights and she was good. And she all-out weaned shortly after that. It's like she just needed the push, so I wonder if it might be the same in this situation.
But I totally honor the concept of body autonomy as well, and I get the importance. I just feel torn. Like I did with nightweaning. Is it weird to compare those two experiences? Its the only other thing she has really dug her heels in about and I felt "backed into a corner" for lack of a better term. Feeling a similar way now.
And yes, being pregnant and changing these pull ups is horrid. :gross:
I think Macksmom had a great idea to really prepare her for it so it feels like a united decision and not something being done to her.
I agree that she has to be ready for it- but whether you should help her be ready or just wait is only a decision you can make! I know Maiya took a little push (she refused diapers, but then also refused to use the potty at all for a day...), yours may, too.
I like the idea of working with her to decide when and how. She sounds very smart! My only other thought would be... If she's not ready to poop on the potty, could you just have her change herself? If they're pull ups, and if her poop isn't too runny, she should be able to go to the bathroom, pull them off herself, throw it away, and then she can practice wiping herself, too. You will, of course, have to follow up and wipe her for real, but you'd do that whether she pooped in the toilet or diaper!
I didn't do that with Maiya, so it may be a horrible idea, I don't know. I was just thinking that if she wants to poop in a pull up, and you don't want to change her, maybe that's a compromise...?
Also, can she verbalize WHY she doesn't want to go on the potty? Is it the position? Does she squat to poop? Could she practice sitting on the toilet while she poops in her diaper? Is she afraid of when the poop splashes in the toilet? Could she be the one to empty the poop in to the toilet from the pull up? Again, I have no experience, just throwing ideas out there...
With Kadence, we had her throw her pull-ups away. ((We put them in a trash bag and hid it when she wasn't looking, just in case we needed them)). She earned a few packages of new underwear for throwing all her pull-ups away. You gotta keep an eye on them so they don't go corner poop. The best thing was letting my daughter go bottomless. She didn't like having poop on her or having it just drop on the floor, and she didn't like having to clean up her own poop. :P She was just about to turn 2.
I think as they get older, it just takes more pushing. Or as I like to call it, "encouragement". I think you need to make her aware that it is necessary for her poop to go in the toilet. Poop has germs. Poop smells bad. We don't like to smell bad. Candy and bribery are good tools.. lol!
She will get it. Try to be patient, and she will catch on! Being night trained and pee trained is definitely a sign that she is more than ready. :)
I agree that they need to be ready but it sounds like your DD is more than ready. She is most likely acting out of habit. If she's scared of the toilet then a good conversation with her might help. I think that if the pull ups are gone then she will have no choice but to poop in the potty. I don't think your taking away control over her body. You are giving her appropriate options. She can still choose to poop on the potty chair or the big potty.