(Disclaimer: I know how serious depression is, I'm not looking to be told to call my Dr ASAP, I just want to talk things out.)
I have a personal history of clinical depression. I had therapy for several years and was medicated for about a year. I "graduated" out of therapy and stopped my meds, many years ago. Occasionally, I will have very short, a week or so, relapses but I can always right the ship and get back on track and feel better. However when I'm in a relapse, I get to a point (usually the lowest point) where I wonder if I'm for real depressed again and need help. And that's where I am today.
Part of it is being physically uncomfortable almost all the time. Not a complaint, just a fact.
I'm tired and rest a lot. I sleep weird, broken hours because I also have insomnia. I find myself waking up between 10-11 am and I really don't like that. It's like I have no daytime.
I don't leave the house much and while that doesn't bother me--I am a little bored. I'm not neglecting my house but I'm not doing more than absolutely necessary either.
I have fun things that I like to do, but the last few days they don't seem so fun and I don't do them.
I have some stress that is in the back of my mind, but it's mostly dealt with and there's very little else I can do right now about it, so I don't think that is really an issue, but it's there.
Eating and exercise: I have almost no appetite most of the day--I do get hungry and will eat as much as I want of whatever I want, but I don't think it's enough. I would exercise for energy boost but with the not so great eating I can't afford a calorie deficit. It's a bad cycle. Both eating more and some exercise would make me feel better and yet I can't get there.
I have a MW appt on Thursday, by which time I should be almost normal again. But if I'm not then I will bring it up. Just not feeling so great today.
These are like the dog days of pregnancy. It is easy to feel down between 32-38 weeks, I think. Especially if you already have a propensity for depression. Your life is a bit disjointed right now, and will be after the birth of the baby. You will likely start to feel really good around 6 weeks (it seems to be the magical point in time where you feel like you know what you're doing with this new mother gig).
I would keep in the back of your mind that things are going to be rough between now and then with a burst of great joy in the middle at the birth of your child. Hormonally you may find that you need some assistance after birth, but maybe not. Just being open to the possibility and keeping an open line of communication with your DH and care givers is exactly what you need to do.
I ended up in a mire of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after DS1's birth and even though I'd dealt with depression earlier in my life, I have found that I haven't had a significant depression relapse since having kids. So I'm hopeful this is your experience as well! :) However, that said, it did take me about 6 months to recover from the PTSD.
Natalie you sound to me like you're perfectly normal. I feel absolutely the same and I never had an issue with depressions. I'm tired as well, can't rest enough, sleeping is not as easy as it used to be, eating is no fun right now just something I have to do and the chores as well as the project I started seem to consume so much energy right now. Everything is boring, exercise to strenous and I feel uncomfortable most of the time too.
I like your plan to tell your MW if you don't get better. Untill then.... you're not alone with those feelings :hugs:
I'm so sorry you're feeling so rough. It is common, but I'm glad you're talking to someone.
And we're here to listen, too! I know I can't help much, but I'm here to listen. Hope you start feeling better, soon.
Oh, and beware post partum. That can be REALLY rough emotionally / hormonally. I have zero history with depression, but I got it pretty bad, too. So I'm glad you're talking to someone. Have you ever considered placenta encapsulation? It supposedly helps, though I haven't tried it. I'm not sure I believe it, but with how bad I was, I am considering trying this time!!
Natalie, that's how I am feeling and I know I am not depressed. And I have 2 kids with whom sometimes I don't feel like doing anything as I have no energy nor will power cause I am uncomfortable or evenot in pain from contractions. I think my toddler duffers the most asuccessful I cam even sit straight for over 10-15 min at a time to play with her. So she plays a lot on her own around me, we read or watch TV as well (probably a bit too much of the latter recently). With previous pregnancy it was somehow easier and I was more active but not this time.
On the other hand, if you are very very concerned you can always tell the midwife just to be on the safe side. But to me you sound like a normal pregnant woman in 3rd trimester. I would pay attention more to your post-partum state as the hormonal imbalance drives high %%% of women in to depression. Hugs
Oh and I sometimes cry into dh's shoulder on how uncomfortable I am and how I feel like I am disabled and can't enjoy a lot of activities I would like to. We all have our moments and not all of us can admit it because of this stereotype of how a woman should totally enjoy the pregnancy and not complain especially when she struggled to have a baby and be grateful she can have babies because there are so many women who can't. We get the concept. We are grateful. But it does not minimize all the discomfort and both physical and emotional pain from growing a person in our bodies. We know what we sign for but we are people, not machines. And it is hard and we need a listening ear and a helpful hand to show is compassion and encourage us.
:hugs: Just want to offer some hugs!! Hang in there.
Stepping in :hugs: I've battled depression since I was 18 and anxiety since I young kid. :hugs: Its hard because nobody really understands unless they've had it and its different for everyone. I wonder if its because you miss working and are you on any sort of bedrest? Do you have Pregnancy Medicaid? I know they would probably cover therapy which is what I did before talking with my Ob/Gyn when I was pregnant with Sophia it helped a bit for me but, I like therapy because its you and the therapist you aren't rushed like with a GYN that will come in and out of the room in 2 seconds. As far as eating goes just eat whatever sounds good to you if the doc is a bit concerned about the weight gain and especially if you don't have GD then you could probably get by with eating more of what sounds good even if its not the most healthy in the world you are eating *something*. Some of it I wonder could be the start of nesting but, in a different way nesting is making yourself comfortable until the baby comes. Your body might need more sleep right now I am not trying to dismiss the depression whatsoever but, at the same time I think its sort of natural to want to be alone in some cases. It doesn't hurt to talk to your midwife of course but, I slept all the time during my last few weeks of pregnancy I know you are only 33 weeks but, maybe you'll go somewhat early like around 37-38 weeks.
Thank you for all the support!
Talking about it is always my first step towards feeling better and today feels better than yesterday! I get to thinking and worrying and that almost never goes anywhere good. I'm also encouraged to hear that what I'm feeling is pretty common. I never want to feel the way I did when I was depressed and it's hard to tell sometimes if I'm slipping or just having a string of bad days.
As for PPD, my Dh told me that he thinks I will get it. Which I thought was rude at the time, but I realize that he just knows me really well and he wasn't saying it to hurt me. At least I will have someone looking out for me!
I got up before 10 today! But the scale also says I lost a pound--and I have been steadily gaining since 20ish weeks. Trying not to feel bad about that but a whole pound is a lot.
I lost a pound when I finally had a good BM. :lol: Try to temper your worry to anything over 3 pounds. :)
It is SO important to have your husband understanding and accepting your emotional state instead of brushing it off and thinking that you are just being needy and even dumb. So whether you truly get it or not, he seems like someone who will hold your hand through it and not get frustrated with you about it.!
As for sleep. If I didn't have my tot who wakes up at 6 no matter what time she goes to bed, I'd be sleeping past 10 or 11. I am serious. I get insomnia even worse In pregnancy so I know how you feel. Plus mosquitoes are horrid here.
And, goodness, it is OK if you lose weight as long as your baby is gaining and you don't have serious health issues like BP, diabetes and such. Don't even worry about it.
I feel so much better today! I really appreciate all the support, it means a lot! :hugs:
Sooo glad to hear you're on the upswing...praying it continues for you :cheer:!
I was going to suggest checking on some medical things too, to make sure there's not a contributing factor :). This point in pg is a common time for anemia to pop up which can really bring on feelings of depression. If you're feeling better then maybe it's not an issue, but if you feel it might be playing a role you could ask your mw to check your hemoglobin, B12, folate, and vitD levels...just a thought, especially since AI disease can really kick our tails when it comes to those 4 things.
I'm so glad you're feeling better! I haven't battled depression, but many in my family have and I have struggled with anxiety, for which I've received professional counseling. All that just to say, I can empathize to some extent, and definitely understand the "relapse" periods and how unnerving they can be. I think you're right that DH is just looking out for you -- but I might have found his comment rude, too! It really can be helpful - at least for me - to have someone who knows you well and loves you who might be able to identify some of the issues before you even realize you're starting down that all-too-familiar path.
Selfishly, I have to admit that this thread has helped me feel better. With DH's excitement mounting, I find myself a little sad about the prospect of not being pregnant anymore (despite how much I want to meet this little guy) and a little nervous about what life with a newborn as a FTM will be like. I know it's all normal, but it helps to hear you're not alone and be amidst people who understand how these feelings can co-exist with happiness and excitement.
But, back to YOU! Hang in there and reach out as needed. It sounds like you're doing everything right to try to care for yourself - and the psychological and physiological components of both pregnancy and depression can make it hard to eat, exercise, etc. If it's any consolation, I was down a pound at my appointment a couple of weeks ago and my doctor was totally fine with it.
You're doing great and we're all here if you need to talk more! SO glad that the past couple of days have felt better and I hope you'll get a great reprieve!
The only time in my life I battled a form of depression was PPD after DS1. Although, I was soooo against being classified as that I would down play it to my doc. I struggled with myself, felt like a totally different person.... Even thought my relationship was for sure ending because of it. It lasted about 9 months. (I have struggled with extended baby blues with the others, 8-10 weeks)
I'm so glad you are looking up now! Talking it out is really a great step....probably the hardest step for most people!!! And you know what, it's okay if you feel differently after having baby ( like PPD) just remember it's OKAY, you are not the only one! I think being aware of your feelings is truly the more important factor, keep it honest. :cheer: you're doing great!
Glad you are feeling better!!!