I wrote a post in December dd an I guess I'm just looking for someone to talk to. So I'm gonna post it here if you don't mind. It's really long. Don't blame you if you don't wanna get through the whole thing. But here goes.
I'm not sure if I'm experiencing some type of depression, I've never been depressed before. But I think that's contributing to all my sleepiness. I feel like I wanna just take a step back from everyone and everything and curl in bed and cry. DH an I have been arguing a lot more than usual. And it's because of me. He started to make these side comments like "well you have to do SOMETHING around here" and it really really hurts. He's never acted like this. We don't say hurtful things to each other. It all started bc this morning I was soooo tired. Adriana was up a lot last night and DH never wakes up with any of the kids. And I don't mind that- I usually love waking up with them. But bc I'm so tired, it just was hard this morning. I asked DH if he could please get Adriana and put her in her walker. Dd1 was up and they play together all the time. If I put her in, she'll scream for me. Separation anxiety big time. Could he do that for me? Of course not. So I got up and did it. And excuse me if I vent in my own house, but he just lost it. Was talking crap to me and slamming doors. He's the one who's tired bc he plays stupid video games all night. I'm tired bc I wake up with babies.
I'm going through a very rough time. An this morning was extremely tough. For the first time in our relationship I actually thought, wow if I wanted to just leave, I'd have no where to go. I can't go to my parents house-my mom is on her own trip right now with drugs and God knows what else. I have no brothers. No sisters. My only one, my Omsi, is gone. I literally have no one. And I was just crying and crying. I miss her so much. I can just cry at the drop of a dime.
I'm hating how this pregnancy is making me feel. Think. Act-or lack of in DHs eyes. I'm just gonna be honest, but I feel like if I didn't get pregnant, everything would be okay. I'd be more energized, more equipped, more helpful. Able to do things around the house. Not be so grouchy and moody. Not so emotional. DH and I wouldn't be fighting so much. I feel like it's making me view my pregnancy in a negative way. I don't feel this way all the time, which is why I don't know if I'm depressed or not. Pretty sure ill be getting ppd after giving birth too. I just don't wanna deal with this. With everything. And I'm tired of being blamed and looked down upon for something I can't help.
I'm sorry I just needed to get that out. I literally have no one when DH and I fight. And it's hard to battle these feelings when I'm the only one here. Thanks for listening.
:hugs: I'm a good listener if you ever want to talk. And I give some pretty awesome advice, if I do say so myself! No, but really.
:hugs: I am so sorry you are going through this and feeling this way. I don't really know what to say except you definitely need to sit down with your DH and try to express how you are feeling. If you are still feeling terrible, maybe go talk to a therapist or someone that could give you ways to help let out your feelings and hopefully help you feel better. I don't think that DHs really understand what we, as pregnant women, are going through. To them, we get the "easy job" of taking care of the kids. I, too, have gotten a little snippy with my husband because I am a SAHWM and he sometimes acts like I get to watch soaps all day and he is the one exhausted from work. But, especially when you are pregnant.. you are over-emotional so things that maybe wouldn't have hurt your feelings so much in the past, or wouldn't have bothered you, do now. I hope that helps!! Sending lots of :hugs:
Thank you. He's never acted this way towards me. Ever. This is our 4th child. Not once has he talked down to me like how he's been doing lately. I'm really sick of it honestly. It's hurtful and unnecessary. I do everything for him. He goes to work and comes home. I handle the kids, the bills, the house (he does help a lot with that but when he's not here who does it????) everything. He says these things when he's angry and it comes up a lot lately. So I know that's how he's really feeling. That alone is difficult for me to deal with. But anyway it is what it is.
It doesn't help either that my mom is an unreliable chronic lying drug abuser. No brothers or sisters. My few friends are tied up with their own kids and lives. No one here on this island. I feel alone. And I feel like I'm blaming it on this pregnancy.
I'm so sorry. You are not alone though, you have us!
I am a SAHM too, and I know how those little snippy comments can hurt... probably more then DH meant them too. Usually it happens here when DH had a rough week at work. He made a comment last night when I said I was bored, and he told me to "clean". I was all pissy at him, he knows I am sick. And I think he was just trying to bug me since we were teasing each other all night... but its a sensitive subject for me, and I think for all SAHMs. And it bothered me even more, since I have been so sick and literally doing nothing all week anyway.
DH also used to be a big gamer... he isn't so much anymore. Sometimes when a new game comes out he will get back into it. But anyway the rule in our house is, if he is awake and the baby wakes up while I am sleeping - its his duty. If he's asleep, then I do it. And I think its a really good rule for us. He works and has a right to game if he wants to... but when do I get uninterrupted me time? Never, so I don't interrupt his sleep, he doesn't interrupt mine hehe.
We also have a rule (that I had to fight for) because DH is NOT a morning person at all, even if he gets 12 hours of sleep he's just such a grouch. That I get one sleep in day a week. And its still quite annoying because I have to wake him up to get up with the kids... but its worth it.
Just because you're a SAHM doesn't mean you have to do EVERYTHING. Yes most of the work falls on you, but you are still entitled to some small luxuries. Even if you don't mind. You will get burnt out. And your DH will probably end up enjoying it anyway, I know DH likes to be able to bond with the kids too... after his morning coffee hehe.
Its really hard to get stuck in the do everything - mom role. And its not to late to talk it out without blame and change it. Even if its just for pregnancy, it doesn't mean that he will meet everything you require... but if you put it out there and then praise him when he does it. I am sure it will continue.
DH and I have had so many blow out fights before. We are both so strong headed and good with words unfortunately. It sucks, and I have felt alone A LOT of times too. Its not a good feeling. I lived in Switzerland for 3 years without knowing anyone but DH's friends and family. And it was really hard. I was young and didn't do what I should of done and relied a lot on DH. Its really hard feeling alone, and when you fight you feel like you have nothing. But your DH loves you and you have three beautiful children. Which is more then a lot of people have. But you can't do everything alone. You need a break too.
I know you posted in New Moms that you wish you could play volleyball or have some you time. Now that DS is old enough, DH "lets" me have approx. 1 day a month just for ME. I leave the kids with him and go get my nails done, go shopping, whatever. Usually its only 4-5 hours. But I know I am not in a rush to be home and its absolutely wonderful. I am sure if you express your needs to DH he will compromise with you. Men are just generally selfish and really don't get things unless you lay it all out for them... and even then sometimes, you just have to plan it out and go do it... and have them put on their big boy underwear. It won't be as bad as either of you think.
And about your DH being a bit moody lately, there must be something else underlining it. I would just talk to him and tell him how you have been feeling, and ask him why he's been acting the way he has too. Who knows, you may be both having the same concerns about things.
HUGS. Here for you whenever you need someone to chat to.
Thank you. I have definitely been feeling the pressure. It all started when I got pregnant. Chores lacked. The house got messy. Laundry is piling. I'm moody and tired-DH is too. I don't mind if he plays games, I'm a gamer myself. BUT and it's a very big but lol, I do not get careless if I have duties to do the next day. He will play until 3-4am and know that DD2 wakes between 530-630. It will supposed to be his day to take the kids out, or do something and not only do I have to wake up and do it, I have to spend an hour trying to wake him up. Once he's up he's pissy with me. Why? Because he stayed up til 330am playing video games. It's soo idiotic.
Originally Posted by o0astrid0o
I'm just tired in general of the side comments. Those hurt the most. I get it-people fight. And I am extremely sensitive to the cleaning topic too. I feel because I'm a SAHM, and I always do the chores anyway, that when I don't do it and he makes a comment like he's disgusted with the house, I take offense. I know I prob shouldn't, but I do. The things that bother me is when he says things like he said this morning, about doing SOMETHING around here. Like I never do anything? A part of me wants him to go back to work so we can be on our schedule again. Yes, it'll be hard because I'm pregnant, but at least the kids listened to me. At least we had a schedule, a clean house, because no one else is here to do it but me. I'm not saying the kids don't listen to me when DH is here, but it's the lack of a schedule that makes me insane! I'm very organized. So to be in an unorganized house drives me batty! It hurts when he says these things because I'm affected by it to. I hate a messy house just as much as he does. He can do something about it too! And heaven forbid, if I ask him to wake up and help me one morning because I got no sleep, the deal's off. No one is going to have a nice morning because he wants to drag everyone in the mud along with him.
UGHHH sorry to totally vent out. I really just want time away from him. Not like a separation or anything, but just some me time. Out of my house. Alone. Doing something I wanna do for once. I'm sick of his comments, sick of his sh*t talking, sick of his crappy attitude. Sick in general from this dam-n pregnancy. I'm really over everything. I just wish I could be with my Omsi. She always made everything better <3
Ugh, your DH sounds a lot like mine. With the staying up late when he knows he has **** to do the next morning? I bring him a coffee in bed every morning just so I don't have to deal with his grouchiness because by the time he's downstairs he has caffeine in him and is already a little better.
There must be something in the air today, because DH and I just had a fight about the house too... I guess he showered while I was out and there was no towel. So instead of going to get one of the linen closet he flipped out. And was just really pissy at me when I got home, and I was already feeling terrible for just roughing it with a baby for the past two hours trying not to throw up.
It was a huge fight, and he told me to suck it up and pull myself together. He's "sick" too and still goes to work (he has a head cold that I had last week while being sick). I really told him off. Now I am eating dinner alone in the office while he eats in the living room alone. Bleh.
I really don't think ANY man gets it. And maybe putting up with it for two weeks is their limit hehe? I am going to focus my energy into training my boys to be sensitive husbands now, I've given up on my husband's generation hehe.
Lol I'm sorry you had a fight with DH today. Men can be such jerks!!!!!! And I'm over jerks!!!!!
I wish I could leave the house with no towel for DH lol. Id laugh about it and be on my merry way :)
Something must be in the air because DH and I got into last night! So, a while ago I went to this cooking party where you create a whole bunch of dinners and then take them home to freeze and you have like 20-30 dinners ready to go. DH is a WAY better cook than I am because he comes from a long line of chefs and cooks that worked in some big restaurants. I was raised on different types of chicken, italian foods, and macaroni and cheese! :lol: So anyway... since I haven't been feeling well, I thought it would be nice for me to make dinner last night... so I pulled out one of the dinners that I made, thawed it, and stuck it in the crock pot. The only other thing I needed to do was cook some noodles before we were going to eat. So DH gets home and decides I should go get my nails done because they were looking awful and he knew that I had wanted to go get them done earlier in the day, but didn't have time between work and household stuff. I told him that I was making dinner and he said, "no problem... you'll be back in time and if not, I can make the noodles". SO I go to get my nails done and when I get back he had just started making the noodles. So dinner was fine... all was well until later in the evening. We put DS to bed and was watching some TV when I got hungry again. I asked him if he could get me a bowl of cereal and he was like "I was going to ask you to get me a bowl of cereal". I was like "Seriously... I made dinner tonight" and instead of letting it go and moving on he says "Don't take this personal... but what did you do to make dinner tonight?" :hot: That just set me off... "I was like... really? I make you dinner and because it was pre made (by me), so I just had to thaw and put in the crock pot... it wasn't good enough" and he was like "No.. you are taking this way personal... I was just saying you really didn't have to do much" :( So to make a long story short... this put me in a bad mood and was the start of the next couple of hours of me yelling and crying because anything he said... did not make it right... and he couldn't understand how I thought he was basically saying dinner wasn't good enough and he did just as much work as I did by boiling the noodles!! Anyway... by the end of the night he did apologize and realize that this is a very different pregnancy than my son and he cannot say anything like that without me taking it personal! And he loved my cooking!! UUGGHH! Anyway... there is my rant about our fight! :lol: Hopefully next time he thinks before he speaks! :laugh:
Ugh I am sorry Marilyn... they must of pulled all the men aside yesterday to watch a special broadcast on pissing off wives.
My DH NEVER apologizes. It used to get really upset and he would "apologize" but it was always because I forced it. So now although he never says it, he does try to make up by doing things for me. He just doesn't say the words. Which sucks but meh.
How do you do your nails? I am really into Shellac lately. I just got mine done today too :)
Thanks!!! Sorry your DH isn't good at apologizing either! :( MEN!
Originally Posted by o0astrid0o
Anyway... I recently started doing gel nails, which I love because normal nail polish just comes off within a day due to dishes and other stuff I do around the house for cleaning. The only thing I don't like is that you have to go back in to get them done!! Sometimes I would like to just take some nail polish off and redo it! :) But it lasts so that is nice!
DH and I had a long talk last night. He apologized and said it was his fault that I'm feeling depressed. I somewhat agree lol. I told him about how negatively I'm feeling towards this pregnancy bc it's "ruining" everything and his response was very comforting. He said its his lack of compassion and frustration that's ruining things. He actually didn't say ruin bc he doesn't feel like it's "ruined" just that it's difficult right now. I expressed how a lot of the time I just need comfort. And not blame. He agreed. He even said if its such a big deal he should do dishes, but he doesn't. He was awesome today and I really hope it lasts. I'm feeling like the sickness doesn't hit me as hard. But the fatigue it still here. He loves this baby and is happy we are pregnant again so he wants me to forget any negative and focus on te positive. I'd say that was a great talk :)
As far as nails go, I love gel nails too. I don't like fake nails bc they ruin my natural nail, which is ugly and brittle anyway. But I like how long the gels last and it's just paint on my regular nails. I've been wanting to do it for a while, just haven't gone. Maybe sometime next week DH will let me go :)
Oh! That's great news!!! I'm so happy you guys were able to talk about it and clear things up.
I am so glad you cleared things up Autumn!
You SHOULD go get your nails done next week... it always makes me feel better hehe. I've only had gel nails twice and both times I got water under them and they peeled really bad. I refuse to do acrylic too... I had it once because they advertised them as "gel" nails, and they just feel so thick and un-natural. I can't handle it.
I REALLY like Shellac, it lasts two weeks and makes your nail stronger. And if you get a light colour you can paint over it and that nail polish lasts longer too, and when you take it off your shellac is still there looking awesome.
Autumn - I'm so glad to hear that you guys finally had a talk!! :) It sounds like things went really well! Yay!
So glad that you guys were able to talk it out! Sounds like it went great!! Yay!! I hope you get to go do your nails! It always makes me feel better!! :)
Originally Posted by wannabmomof3