Don't know how to feel..
I don't know if this is the right place to put this or not but I'm so confused right now and wanted some other Christian people's advice..
I had a misscarriage about 3 weeks ago and right afterward I found out my uncle and his new wife are expecting..
Well let me go back to February.. My uncle and this woman got married in February after only a month or 2 of dating didont get engaged or anything just said one week they were getting married the next week.. Well I feel like it was kinda lust was the reason they got married cuz they were both divorced and my uncle has said that once a Christian man divorces he either has to get married again or backslide( which I do not believe!)
Anyway they already have 3 boys each from their previous marriage so 6 boys all together and now they just found out they are having twins! I'm happy about the twins but I'm also hurt because I was pregnant and now I'm not and they already have so many kids and weren't even trying for these two! And they are worried about finances and I feel like saying you should've thought about that before!
I want soo much to handle this I'm a Christian way and I haven't said anything except to my husband about how I'm feeling but I feel so lost about how to feel.. I'm happy about the twins but aggravated at my uncle and his wife.. Especially because he has lowered his standards soo much on what he believes to even marry this girl.. And I think I might slightly possibly be pregnant again but I don't know and if I am I feel like my family is going to like the twins better than mine because everyone has always wanted twins even tho our baby will be the first grandbaby and great grandbaby.. I'm sorry this is so long :(
:hugs: I'm sorry. First off I am on the other side of this. My best friend and her husband are not able to stay pregnant, and I am expecting #3. I would keep praying for peace on the issue. If you need to take a break from your family do it! Losing a baby is so difficult. Allow yourself to grieve. Do not force yourself to be ready when you are not ready. I will be praying for you. :hugs:
What you are feeling is very normal. I lost three children in a row during a time that many of my friends were expecting and having beautiful children. It was very hard to be happy for them and I prayed a lot about it. I did my best to rejoice with them in public and cry at home. The pain will lessen and the joy will increase again.
Thank you both so much for your answers they have helped! And thanks for the prayers!
I had an extremely early loss before my son but, I have not totally been in your shoes. I felt almost felt sort of guilty when I became pregnant with Sophia my 2nd and last child because my friend couldn't get pregnant for eight years but, she found out she was pregnant before I did! I think its totally normal and natural feelings to sort of think "its not fair". I am not saying you are saying that but, I think that situation of them having more children than they can handle isn't fair for you just my opinion. Life is full of mysteries we often wonder why things might come so easy for others and why it might be harder for us. Its not always a pregnancy that's easy or hard. :hugs: I will be thinking about you and praying for you to have your baby when the time is right. :hugs:
I've been on both sides. It took us over a year to have DD1, and it was hard seeing people get pregnant all around me. Especially people who had "oops" babies. I also miscarried once, and I know how devastating that is. :hugs:
I've also been pregnant when good friends were struggling and miscarrying. I know one of them had to hide me on FB for a while and step back from the friendship because, even though I was trying my hardest not to flaunt it while still celebrating something that should be celebrated, it was too painful for her. I can understand that. My heart hurt for her. (Everything is better now, and she pregnant and in her second trimester! I'm thrilled!!) And now I am the one with an "oops" baby! There are challenges for me now, also.
I believe our desire for children is so strong because it is God given. The Bible is clear that children are one of the most cherished blessings we are given in this life. Unfortunately, we also live in a fallen world. Our bodies are not perfect, things go wrong that are no fault of our own. Several heart rending, powerful stories in the Bible started with women longing for a child. What you are feeling is human and normal, I would say even fueled by your God given yearning for a child. Of course how you deal with those powerful emotions is what matters. Your uncle may not have gone about this the right way, and it is affecting his family. However, every baby is a blessing to be celebrated, regardless of circumstance.
If you need to take some time and distance yourself from them while you heal from your heartbreak, that is perfectly fine! Wait until you are able to conduct yourself with grace. That is no easy task. :hugs:
As for them having twins, I have to share something an older lady, in her 80s, from my prior church said to me. I was pregnant with my first and somehow the subject of twins came up. She said "When I was young and pregnant with my first, I PRAYED to God that it would be twins! I thought twins would be wonderful! The Lord, in His mercy, did NOT give me twins. When I was pregnant with my second child, I PRAYED to God that it would NOT be twins! And the Lord, in His mercy, did not give me twins!" :laugh:
I have friends with twins. God bless them! The babies are ADORABLE! And I know there is something incredibly special about having multiples. But if you ever ask a parent who've experienced twins or more, they will most likely be straight with you that it is NOT easy! Everyone else may be super excited about having twins in the family, but I promise you, your Uncle has some humbling about to happen. :winks:
:hugs: It's very difficult, I know. I've had two miscarriages and I know it would have been hard to have someone so close to me announce they were expecting twins so soon after my losses. :hugs:
I also know what it's like to have twins. :winks: And like KC's Wifey said above, your Uncle may have some humbling experiences coming. :D It's not going to be easy for them, with 8 children including a set of twins.
:hugs: again. Like others have said, allow yourself all the time you need to grieve and keep praying. Sometimes that's all you can do. :hugs:
Thank you soouch for your replies everyone they have helped alot!
That was suppose to say soo much