OMG i cant catch a break!
so hard to be typing this...
yesterday i was at motherhood maternity buying a new bra and shirt when i felt like i peed on myself.... i asked to use the bathroom and noticed i was GUSHING blood.... :ohno: i freaked out and told DH we need to leave. i put on a new pad and walked from the store to the food court ( its a VERY tiny mall ) i soaked another pad just from walking 10 mins. i decided to just go straight to the ER and by the time i got there ( 4miles away ) i already went through that pad. the cramping and pain started to get really intence while i was at the ER in the waiting room. they wouldnt give me anything for the pain :headbang::headbang: after 4 hrs of waiting in the waiting room they finally took me to the back and put me in a room... they ordered an IV and more blood work. shortly after a U/S tech came in to do and U/S... it turned out the fetus is still alive and moving with a HB of 145 but my cervix is open and there is blood around the placenta.
the doc wasnt very optimistic and told me most likely i'll miscarry :cry: i've seen this happen too many times for me to have hope. :ohno: the doc told me not to use my doppler because the stress of finding the hb or not finding it can make me stress more. it just seems like when i was ready to announce i was pg all H3ll breaks loose. i came home and cried myself to sleep thinking " what did i ever do to deserve such heartach and pain." its so unfair.:ohno: i told DH if i dont carry to term than i want to go back on BC because i cant handle this depression. i was so distraught and depressed today i didnt even want to go to church. i know my dad told the pastor and i'm not ready to talk to people about this. i just dont want to hear from everyone "oh everything happens for a reason, or i know how you feel. " it breaks my heart i might be leaving you guys. i was so sure that since i past the 1st tri everything would be ok and i wouldnt have anything to worry about. the depression eats me up and i dont know what to do.