You may remember me. I'm a former STC/you name it I went thru it! LOL
I've been in hiding for quite a bit and now seeking some support.
Just wanted to share another story w/my STC's friends.
You may/may not remember I had my son back in April 2009, after my STC days. Me and DH tried again when he
turned 1. I finally got pregnant 9 months ago!
But............. @ 4months I found out the baby died. This is my 2nd loss. This horrible news came only 2wks from losing my grandmother (who raised me)!
Needless to say I buried my grief the last 6mon, focusing on my son. Now I'm having panic attacks and uncontrollable crying out bursts.
My doc says its def. depression/anxiety.
My DH thinks I need help moving on. Altho I agree, I'm just stuck in this fog. I have to morn for 2 people in my life and don't know how to deal/cope!
I just wanted to start by sharing my story with you all!
Thank you for listening. Plan on sticking around to take the healing steps! : )
Hi Jen, I'm so sorry for your losses...that's just so hard & heartbreaking. Sometimes I think the best thing for coping/dealing is to just completely lose it. Give yourself permission to break down and cry and grieve. It's completely okay to feel sad and terrible and lost when you've suffered such terrible losses. Hopefully talking about it & working through all the emotions will help make them easier to handle.
Big huge :hugs:
Thank you for advice. I agree, just been holding back. Last few days I've been letting go little at a time. But I still think I need to really let it blow. ; )
Yea, have DH take little one somewhere, have some alone time and let her blow ;)...My alone time was driving to & from work. Probably not the ideal time for sobbing buckets but I did feel a bit better letting it all out.
Big, big hugs! That is so hard to go through, especially at the same time. I lost my cousin, had a miscarriage, and lost my dad all in one year. I agree, you need time to just let it out. It's ok to break down. it's ok to be sad. But it's also ok to have happy times and not feel guilty. Not sure if you're religous or not, but your grandma is taking care of your baby in heaven till you get there. Some days that thought made me feel a little better.
I'm so, so sorry for your losses Jen :hugs:
Unfortunatly the melt downs are happening @ work, but you know what it's probably the added stress @ work making me blow! LOL
Originally Posted by sarahjill
But hey, I gotta do, what I gotta do ; )
I do believe, and I never thought about it til you said it! Thank you ; ) It's comforting!
Thx, I remember you! CarrieK? I remembered your daughters name! It's so unique (to me anyway) ; ) lol
Originally Posted by MomOfAnOnly
Thx again, hope your well!
I never knew you, Jen, but I am sorry for your losses. I had a similar experience about 30 years ago (dang, I'm old!). My first pregnancy ended in a premature birth at 22 weeks. My mother was admitted to the hospital that same afternoon and died almost two weeks later. Between the two, I was so numb, and DH acted like it was no big deal, and I guess to him, it wasn't. In his view, we hadn't really lost anything because we never "had" a baby in the first place. I never got to really grieve and it resulted in an emotional breakdown two years later. So my advice to you is to let it out. Scream, cry, beat up a stuffed animal, whatever it takes (short of actually hurting someone, obviously LOL) to let that grief out and not bottle it up. And like Sarah said, one thing that really comforted me after my mother died was that she was in heaven taking care of my baby boy for me.
Hi Jenzign. Dunno if you remember me (my name used to be mommy21trying42-I had Johnny, the lil guy with the white streak in his hair in May '09. :) Just wanted to tell you I'm so sorry for your loss-I've thought of you often and hoped you & Salvatore were well. I'll be praying for you in this tough time. :hugs:
The girls from May 09 decided to move to facebook awhile back-you weren't regularly on so you probably missed the migration but all are welcome. :) Pm me if you want to reconnect-we are here for you, Momma! :hug:
I'm so sorry for your losses. I have to agree with the other ladies, you need to let yourself just grieve. I think I must have cried for a week straight with my 2nd m/c. Lots of :hugs:
Thank you girls! I realize how much I miss coming here ; )
I was an APA addict 5yrs ago, going thru alot and it was always comforting to talk among
others who understand.
My inner circle of people have never suffered the same as me, and has brought me
alot of isolation feelings.... Until now ; )
To Coffeecat, I do recognize your former name. We had the same DueDate in 09! Thanks for the invite!
I'm so sorry for your losses - :hugs:
I'm not sure if you are interested but I have found that a support group has been my biggest help with my grief. Being able to talk to people who have similar losses has helped me a lot. I agree with the others who say sometimes you just need to lose it and it's ok to do that. Also, I am personally not a fan of the phrase move on when it comes to grief - I don't think you ever truly 'move on' from it - it may just eventually become a little easier to deal with - at least that's been the case for me.