I'm new to this thread as well as to pregnancy. We found out that we were expecting about a month ago, she's at ten weeks now, and of course many feelings have come to mind. Fear, excitement, all the feelings that we were told we would experience, we have.
I have been looking through the threads that are on here and really have not come across one to help explain some behaviors that, I and my pretty lady, have been experiencing.
I understand the physical changes that she is going through, and have my best to help her with her fatigue and morning sickness as i could. Her emotional changes though i cannot seem to compute. One minute she seems to be the happiest woman in the world, next she seems to not care about a **** thing. Some of this ends up directed at me, especially recently.
Her and I do not live together, which we may plan to change that around the due date of course, which seems to cause some frustration in its own. This past weekend she all of a sudden no longer wants to see me and told me that she would like raise the child on her own. Though she could not really give me a REAL explanation for any of this. Kind of blind sided me seriously, but of course since we don't live together i cannot get her to communicate with me. My friends were joking around with me about it, saying it had to be hormones because we were great around eachother all the time.
Which led me to a search on this subject.
First I'd like to ask for any advice some of you may have for dealing with the sitiuation, as well as any articles or threads that may help me understand her behavior and upcoming behavior.
I'd like to thank you in advance for any help.
You might want to look into family counseling, pregnancy classes (through your hospital or local pregnancy center, should be free or low cost), books like "What to Expect When You're Expecting," which has sections for expectant fathers as well. If this was an unexpected pregnancy, she may feel unattractive, and may feel that you're not truly committed to her or your child. Pregnancy causes tons of hormonal changes, and mood swings are very normal. You can read and research all day long, but what it comes down to is that what she's experiencing is frustrating, frightening, sad, joyful, all at the same time. It's a crazy mix of emotions that are constantly shifting. Just do your best to be kind, understanding, and show her that you're committed to her and the baby. You're probably just as frightened, and maybe acting out a little in your own way, and that's also perfectly normal. You'll get through this, but it can be rough at times.
Well my attempts at doing so have been negated by her all in the past 3 days. She's telling me that the reason for her not wanting to see me is because of me, nothing specific, but that it was my own doing. This was not the case in her feelings towards me just a few days ago. We had laid on the couch together talking about our fears and excitement about it together and she had told me that she was glad that i was so willing to be there, for her fears of me walking away from the pregnancy were very real.
Being twenty six, I feel unready but still ready to meet any challenges that are ahead... Any insecurities that i have had have all been brought to a head the past 3 days, one of them being something like this.
Give her some time and space if that is what she desires.
My advice would be to just be patient as she gets through the first trimester. As a woman, it's really hard to explain how it feels to have mood swings...for me it's like this: I know how I'm acting, but it's almost like I can't control it and I feel like a different person during bad mood swings. I always regret it if I acted irrational for any reason.
So, just try to be there for her. If she wants space, give her space. If she wants you around, then make yourself available. If it is still really bad after awhile, look into family pregnancy counseling sessions that help couples deal with the pressures of impending parenthood. Might as well start now and practice your communication skills, because that is one of the most important things with co-parenting.
Good luck! As hard as it is on the moms...it's always just as hard on the dads.
Maybe write your thoughts down in a letter to her? And yes, she is a mess of hormones during the first trimester, and probably is trying to sort out her feelings with herself. And if nothing else fails, I'd maybe look into a counselor, social worker, or therapist...just to be an outside, educated voice to help you communicate effectively. Good luck, and congratulations on becoming a daddy!
Well I think you say it best, all the insecurities that you have she now knows, which probably scare the crap out of her! So give her some space, but don't let her think that you are bailing on her and you are there when she is ready.
Originally Posted by Alexwhi020