Sigh. We are dealing with beauty and it's driving me batty. The conversation just went like this while Max & Ruby and the bunnies were putting on make up.
Lilly (she will be four next month) "Ruby is putting on make up to make her beautiful because bunnies are not beautiful."
Me "What?? Why do you think bunnies are not beautiful? And honey, make up does NOT make someone beautiful."
Lilly "But at a party, we put on makeup to make us beautiful"
Me "No darling, we put on makeup just for fun. Makeup never makes someone beautiful. People are beautiful when they smile, or laugh, or read or play. Those things can make someone beautiful. Make up has nothing to do with it."
Now I rarely rarely rarely ever wear makeup and maybe a handful of times over the last year, DH and I have gone out over the weekend (in the afternoon while MIL watches kids) and I have worn make up. But I don't think that's where this is coming from. She was at a birthday party last spring and a lady was painting faces. She used to work at Disney and did a princess face on Lilly and Lilly was beaming from ear to ear. Everyone was commenting every 30 seconds how beautiful she looked and it was after that that she started asking me if she could put on makeup to make her beautiful.
Ugh, how do I undo this?
I would just keep saying what you are saying. Mine didn't take it that far but they got the idea (from somewhere maybe M & R too?) that you look beautiful when you put make up on. I rarely wear it and when I do they almost never see me put it on because it takes 2 mins :lol: I always make sure I say I am wearing make up to look "fancy" never beautiful. Even when they dress up I say they look fancy but beautiful slips out now and then.
I talk about how they are beautiful on the inside and similar things to what you said. I also tell them how they should love themselves and not worry about what they look like or dress to impress others. Lots of times they will pick out a dress and talk about who will comment that they look cute or beautiful...ugh...I don't know where it comes from but it upsets me.
Then again, my mom was always about appearance and never liked the way I dressed because I was too casual and not feminine enough. She always told me growing up to dress like others, do what others do etc because I always went against the grain. It was annoying but didn't stop me from being different and celebrating being different so I sometimes wonder how much all these messages will really shape who they are....
I think some girls are just more taken by that stuff than others. One of mine is very into shoes, clothes, glitz etc. One isn't. I've done nothing different with either girl. We just talk about people's hearts over their looks.
Totally the same here! Well, it used to be. Up until this (school) year Marissa couldn't have cared less about shoes, clothes, make up, hair done, etc but now that she's in 6th grade that's changed. But before that, Peyton totally was into everything looks and fashion and Marissa, no. I have raised them both the same way and done the same things. We took talk about it matters what's on the inside and being beautiful means being a kind, generous, caring, loving person.
Originally Posted by hanvan2
We deal with this too. In fact Friday night had me telling K over and over and over again that it's not hair, makeup, clothes, etc that make someone beautiful-it's WHO they are. How they treat others, how they talk, how they act around people. It's hard when you have a child who is really worried about that kind of thing (K has anxiety, my SIL had braided her hair in a crown braid and she immediately went and hid in the bathroom because she didn't want people looking at her because what if the braid made her not be beautiful, so in our case we've got an added layer onto things more than just a typical little girl thinking dresses and makeup are what create beauty. But I think the dialogue is still similar).
When my girls were 3 and 4 they really got into skirts and dresses. I don't mind skirts and dresses but I do mind "I want to wear a skirt because that will make me beautiful/pants aren't beautiful". So we've been having dialogue about it since then. Everyone is pretty, skirts and dresses are fancy but pants are great also. What they wear or have isn't what makes them beautiful. It's been an ongoing thing and I doubt it'll stop any time soon!
Like Heather, I do have one more into glitz and sparkles and glamour than the other-and oddly enough she's NOT the one I'm always having to have the conversation with. Scharae just gravitates towards sparkly things more than Keira but she doesn't seem to attach an identity to them or think they set her apart as beautiful. She just likes some bling but can be easily persuaded otherwise.
I guess the only thing you can do is to keep talking to her about the things that do make people beautiful. Maybe point out people not wearing make up that are doing something that convey's inner beauty and talk about that. Also maybe when she does something that you feel is conveying her inner beauty you could point it out to her. I'm sure it will sink in eventually.
Personally, I believe the best way to avoid this is to turn off the tv! But that's extreme to some so I think the way you are talking to her about it is good.
I am thinking Max & Ruby are going to be nixed. They have a bunch of episode where Ruby plays dress up and they always put on make up for it. It was a little pet peeve of mine before but now . . .
Originally Posted by Bridget
I agree with Bridget in regards to the TV programming but also think that this can come into play IRL via parties and dress up play as well. Elle also thought that makeup made one beautiful for a while. She doesn't watch much TV, only on weekends but we don't have cable so she only watches PBS kids programs but even those do mention beauty and such at times.
I actually stopped wearing makeup because Elle kept saying I was wearing it to be beautiful. I told her the same thing you did, that makeup doesn't make one beautiful but she was insistent with it and I told her that I was beautiful with or without makeup and proved it by not wearing it. I haven't worn any in a while. Haven't even plucked my brows lol! I am pretty vain though about thinking I look good anyway and since I stopped wearing makeup, Elle hasn't really mentioned it being correlated with being beautiful. She does still like having "shiny lips" though and wants to put on "lip glop" which is just coconut oil on the lips so she does wear that as do I as we both have really dry lips. But that is not beautiful, it is so our lips won't crack.
My mom was in the beauty industry and even I was not allowed to wear makeup until I was 13 and my dad did not like me wearing it then except he told me I *needed* face coverage for my acne. That was very hurtful because that was hormones that are normal taking over my body like an other 13 year old. I will not do that to my child. I hope my children are blessed with my husband's skin so we don't even have to talk about acne. When the topic comes for Sophia I will tell her I just enjoy wearing makeup for fun. I do paint her toe nails though she is a baby. I do it for fun though. I do not like Max and Ruby that show seems sort of bratty anyways. I would start with cutting out the shows that talk a lot about makeup and hopefully she'll not think about it. It could be part of her personality to be fascinated with beauty though. She might become the next Bobbi Brown makeup artist! :) I think its okay for girls to enjoy things like makeup even if they are little. Its so hard to figure out where it crosses the line.