tips for church shopping?

We've been to church more in the past month than we have in a loooooooooooooooooooooong time. I am really hopeful that we will find a place. DH is very picky about the music (he has advanced degrees in church music and music performance), I am picky about the atmosphere (must be friendly) and we need to know that they have good children's programs. Obviously they have to be bible based and sound theologically. We have discounted some really good churches because they were too liberal (does not bother me but DH nixed my ideas) and we have yet to find a church with really awesome worship and music. DH will have the final say on where we go but I am spearheading the movement.

Oh, and Sadie ASKED to go to church on Friday and that really convicted us! Out of the mouths of babes! We are making a good effort to find a place to worship.

Any tips for us? How much "time" do we give a decent church before we move on? Will we "feel" something that tells us that XYZ Church is the place? I am so confused about how to choose and trying to stay hopeful that in our large city we will find a good liturgical church and stay away from the duds. We visited a really, really friendly place today but there was NO ONE under 50 in the place besides us and the music was absolutely terrible.

The way I conducted my church was to go online. Most churches nowadays have websites. I looked that the church's beliefs and saw if they matched mine. If they did, then I sent an email to the pastor asking about children's programs, how he feels about children during a sermon, etc. For me, with two small ones (including one who will not leave my side very easily), it was important to find a church that was Bible based AND child and family friendly.

The response I got from our current church made us want to go there. He was very enthusiastic about seeing children during worship and the sermon.

We tried one other before this, and we knew right away it was not for us for various reasons. We had reservations after the first time, the second time we had major concerns with the nursery, and knew it wasn't for us. I honestly think that it probably won't take long to know that a church is not for you. Our first day at our church, we felt welcomed and loved everything about it - the music, the sermon, the other people, etc.

Good luck!

I ditto looking at some websites first. Many churches also have sermons online and you can listen to a few to get a feel for how the sermon is, etc.

When we first moved to where we live now, we visited a few churches and only went once because of how unfriendly they were and how self-centered the messages were. The church we are at now, and we've been here for almost 9 years, was recommended by a friend. :) People were awesome, message was great, music was so-so. :winks: We eventually joined the music team (dh on guitar, me on bass) and helped to turn things around, music wise.

And remember, you won't find the "perfect church." It doesn't exist. Churches are filled with and run by sinful people, who are hopefully walking with their eyes on Jesus (to use some Christian-ese there :P). So, don't totally discount a church if it has good points and some weak areas. Maybe that is where you and your family could serve. :)

I agree with the other ladies said. Prior to finding the church that I am at now, I would visit church's based on recommendations by other people. One of the things that greatly attracted me to my church was that everyone was so nice and made me feel at home when I first entered the building. They have a growing children's ministry and both of my children enjoy going to their services.

The only thing that I don't really care for is the style of worship music. It's more Christian rock/pop (?), I guess, and I'm more contemporary gospel. However, I can still give a great worship and praise to God during service and when I'm at home or in my car I listen to Marvin Sapp, Donnie McClurkin or any other gospel artist. :) I agree with Sakura that the music department may be the area in which your husband could serve.

Thanks ladies, all good ideas. I agree that in a weak music program he would totally be an asset and might be called to serve! We've been looking online first and then going to visit the actual church. Boy this process is really annoying and difficult.

Did the friendly church have an alternate service that would have different music? My church uses traditional songs from the hymnal at our early service (with an incredibly talented organist) and our later services does more modern/contemporary music with a whole different set of musicians.

I don't know that I would base any search off the websites. Like musicians, some churches have people talented at web design and others don't. Unless one of your criteria is that they have to have an awesome website, I know my church's website is awful but the congregation and services are fantastic. Don't judge a book by its cover.

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Originally Posted by Rae_1478

Did the friendly church have an alternate service that would have different music? My church uses traditional songs from the hymnal at our early service (with an incredibly talented organist) and our later services does more modern/contemporary music with a whole different set of musicians.

I don't know that I would base any search off the websites. Like musicians, some churches have people talented at web design and others don't. Unless one of your criteria is that they have to have an awesome website, I know my church's website is awful but the congregation and services are fantastic. Don't judge a book by its cover.

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I want to say that this is not what I meant or implied when I suggested looking at a church's website. When I suggest looking at a website, I mean looking through their mission statements, church constitutions, etc. I would not make a decision on a church based on the awesomeness of their website. :laugh: And this coming from the wife of our church's website developer/designer. :winks:

Oh I do what Amanda said...check out the church stuff and the beliefs. I know not to judge the place just on how the website looks.

:) Just checking.

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Originally Posted by Rae_1478

:) Just checking.

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:thumbsup: No worries!

OK I am really annoyed with websites for churches that haven't been updated in 2 or more years!! I understand it might not be a priority but it really turns me off. I don't need fancy but I do need to know the current worship schedule.

We found a church to try with a blended service that is a little more focused on traditional music. Here's hoping that today is a good experience. It is also right down the road from us.

Hope you like it! And yes that would totally irritate me too, in this age there is no reason for a non updated website, it would be better to not even have one!

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Originally Posted by mrsbabyhead

OK I am really annoyed with websites for churches that haven't been updated in 2 or more years!! I understand it might not be a priority but it really turns me off. I don't need fancy but I do need to know the current worship schedule.

We found a church to try with a blended service that is a little more focused on traditional music. Here's hoping that today is a good experience. It is also right down the road from us.

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That is really frustrating!

Are you trying that new church this morning (and if so, how did it go?) or next week? :)

can't wait to hear how it goes!

and that is frustrating. in these times, everyone uses the internet, and in order to get more members, churches should at least have a site with a phone number, email, and schedule.

This church was really really friendly, the music was tolerable, and the preacher was awesome! :hooray: It was a really good service for a smallish church.

The music program is a little in flux because they are looking for a part time director of music....which my DH is thinking about applying for! I am trying not to get too excited because he applies for these positions all the time but it was just a really perfect service to me. DH was a little less impressed than I was but he said we would definately be going back. I really hope something happens with the music director position but I am going to just leave that to God. We need a church home first and foremost. I think it is asking too much to find a church home and a music ministry for DH all in one fell swoop. :laugh: But it would be nice.

I think that half the congregation came over to us at some point in the 1.5 hours we were there and shook our hands and talked to us. They gave us fresh baked bread as a thanks for visiting gift. (I ate some of it and my gluten intolerance didn't appreciate it but it was SO good!) And DH (who sings beautifully) was teasingly asked to join the choir. DD got a lollipop from the pastor during children's church so of course she thinks it is the best place on Earth. LOL

That sounds wonderful! :hooray:

That sounds amazing! I'm so glad that you guys enjoyed yourselves.

That sounds great! I love to hear how welcoming they were :)

So happy that you enjoyed the church!!

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Originally Posted by Sakura

And remember, you won't find the "perfect church." It doesn't exist. Churches are filled with and run by sinful people, who are hopefully walking with their eyes on Jesus (to use some Christian-ese there :P). So, don't totally discount a church if it has good points and some weak areas. Maybe that is where you and your family could serve. :)

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And i totally agree with this!!

So we've found 3 really nice churches that we've been rotating.

One of them DH loves to pieces. Me...not so much. At all. I really dislike the church he wants to join. Any ideas on how to resolve this? I told him he has the final say but I really dislike this church. It is solid biblically, beautiful to look at, music is great....but everyone dresses like a fashion show and I simply feel unwelcome. DH says I look fine (which I do...but I really stand out because I'm not wearing a suit or very fancy dress. I got weird looks because of what I was wearing!) and that I can't expect to be coddled and chatted up because the church is big.

Someone please give me advice on this. I feel silly not liking the church.

I loved our old church, but then the preacher was called to another church. I think there must have been some things going on behind the scenes that led to it. A lot of people that we really fellowshipped with left as well. The youth minister who we also considered near and dear also left, and then the new pastor started right about the time we moved. We hung out with them and went a couple of times when we could get there. It's pretty far. I wasn't crazy about the new pastor and his wife. My dh and I felt very judged for our parenting choices because we lead a more eco-friendly lifestyle. Shortly after that, a close friend who was still going said that he has heard several offensive racial remarks about some of his Hispanic guests he has brought to church events. Now their pastor is gone again. I know there must be things going on behind the scenes that are not good. Their interim pastor, ironically, is someone who I adore. He was interim before, and he spent most of his life as a missionary in Indonesia. His perspective is interesting and very different. But I don't trust what's happened there to keep going back. We've visited 2 churches recently. The first one was just not a good fit and I can't put my finger on why exactly. It was chaotic. Also Sunday school is a huge factor for me. I want a Bible study class that encourages participation and questions. At the first church we visited, no one talked at all but the teacher and that was a huge turnoff. Their children's classes were very disorganized. We've visited another church the past two Sundays. The first Sunday I thought it might be the one. The childrens' classes are well organized and secure, and my older kids really enjoyed it. The people were very nice. The pastor seemed really nice. But he has only been there a few months which concerns me, and a lot of the people were older. This past Sunday we tried a Sunday school class where the people were more our age, and I had nothing in common with any of them. I spent most of the lesson biting my tongue, because some of the opinions the teacher gave were based on misinformation. Then the pastor said 2 things during the service that I found so offensive, I almost got up and left. My problem is that churches we visit seem too conservative for lack of a better term. One church very close to us has members that we know and seems like it would be a good place, but their nursery rules state NO CLOTH DIAPERS ALLOWED. I thought I could get over it and go, but either they're ignorant of modern cloth diapers or they had a member who wanted to cloth diaper and they made that rule to prevent them. Neither of those things are ok with me in a church. So I can't get over it. Next Sunday we're planning to try a different denomination.

Ugh, church shopping is hard!

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Originally Posted by MaryJane

I loved our old church, but then the preacher was called to another church. I think there must have been some things going on behind the scenes that led to it. A lot of people that we really fellowshipped with left as well. The youth minister who we also considered near and dear also left, and then the new pastor started right about the time we moved. We hung out with them and went a couple of times when we could get there. It's pretty far. I wasn't crazy about the new pastor and his wife. My dh and I felt very judged for our parenting choices because we lead a more eco-friendly lifestyle. Shortly after that, a close friend who was still going said that he has heard several offensive racial remarks about some of his Hispanic guests he has brought to church events. Now their pastor is gone again. I know there must be things going on behind the scenes that are not good. Their interim pastor, ironically, is someone who I adore. He was interim before, and he spent most of his life as a missionary in Indonesia. His perspective is interesting and very different. But I don't trust what's happened there to keep going back. We've visited 2 churches recently. The first one was just not a good fit and I can't put my finger on why exactly. It was chaotic. Also Sunday school is a huge factor for me. I want a Bible study class that encourages participation and questions. At the first church we visited, no one talked at all but the teacher and that was a huge turnoff. Their children's classes were very disorganized. We've visited another church the past two Sundays. The first Sunday I thought it might be the one. The childrens' classes are well organized and secure, and my older kids really enjoyed it. The people were very nice. The pastor seemed really nice. But he has only been there a few months which concerns me, and a lot of the people were older. This past Sunday we tried a Sunday school class where the people were more our age, and I had nothing in common with any of them. I spent most of the lesson biting my tongue, because some of the opinions the teacher gave were based on misinformation. Then the pastor said 2 things during the service that I found so offensive, I almost got up and left. My problem is that churches we visit seem too conservative for lack of a better term. One church very close to us has members that we know and seems like it would be a good place, but their nursery rules state NO CLOTH DIAPERS ALLOWED. I thought I could get over it and go, but either they're ignorant of modern cloth diapers or they had a member who wanted to cloth diaper and they made that rule to prevent them. Neither of those things are ok with me in a church. So I can't get over it. Next Sunday we're planning to try a different denomination.

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That sounds incredibly frustrating!!

Well we ruled one church we had been visiting out. :laugh:

The pastor seemed weird, smug almost. DH and I both commented on it the first time we went there. It was a Presbyterian church so more liberal than some, but seemed OK. Still DH and I got a weird vibe from the pastor. Well we visited 3 times in non consecutive weeks and each time he poo-pooed the idea of sin, was telling us how we should/should have voted in the NC constitutional marriage amendment vote, and said that theology didn't matter. :crazy:


Ummm, no. Sin is sin, don't tell me how to vote, and YES THEOLOGY MATTERS!

We walked out and DH said "We aren't coming back here" and I agreed. Church shopping is really interesting....

that is really interesting. I do not like it when politics is brought into a sermon..especially if it were 3 weeks! I go to a Presbyterian church, and we are not liberal at ALL!

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Originally Posted by i.<3.cheesysmiles

that is really interesting. I do not like it when politics is brought into a sermon..especially if it were 3 weeks! I go to a Presbyterian church, and we are not liberal at ALL!

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I was so annoyed with his hammering on about the vote! I was like "Just shut up already and talk about theology....oh wait, you said that was unimportant!" :lol:

This was PCUSA, which is more liberal in some ways than someplace like the EPC Presbyterian church. We are actually looking for an EPC church but the 2 in Winston Salem are very contemporary in worship. We're looking for something more blended or traditional.

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Originally Posted by mrsbabyhead

Well we ruled one church we had been visiting out. :laugh:

The pastor seemed weird, smug almost. DH and I both commented on it the first time we went there. It was a Presbyterian church so more liberal than some, but seemed OK. Still DH and I got a weird vibe from the pastor. Well we visited 3 times in non consecutive weeks and each time he poo-pooed the idea of sin, was telling us how we should/should have voted in the NC constitutional marriage amendment vote, and said that theology didn't matter. :crazy:


Ummm, no. Sin is sin, don't tell me how to vote, and YES THEOLOGY MATTERS!

We walked out and DH said "We aren't coming back here" and I agreed. Church shopping is really interesting....

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:eyebrow: and :laugh: How can theology not matter?? lol So silly!

:hugs: I hope you guys find someplace awesome!

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Originally Posted by Sakura

:eyebrow: and :laugh: How can theology not matter?? lol So silly!

:hugs: I hope you guys find someplace awesome!

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Thank you. We have another church "scheduled" for 2 weeks from now (will be out of town for Memorial Day) and I am hopeful.

The pastor was trying to make the point that we needed to follow "love thy neighbor" and not get caught up in the little theology debates that different demominations have....I think. It was hard to listen after the other nonsense. Yes, we need to love our neighbors but theology is still important!