Long story, but I'll try to be short...
So my DD is 3. Since November I've had her at my mom's house (I'm not allowed to stay there, even overnight because it's really her boyfriend's house- that's a whole other story!) while I'm at the end of this pregnancy and getting back up on my feet. So I go over there every other day, we do dinner, play time, and I bathe her and tuck her into bed, whole 9 yards since she's always been mommy's little princess).
Well, from last March up until Sept/ Oct. we belonged to an awesome church down in Oklahoma where I was living. A few nights ago I had a dream that I found a church here that I liked, and two days ago, OUT OF THE BLUE!, she comes up to me from playing with her toys, running around the table singing "You can't catch me!" and generally being adorable, and says to me, "Mommy I want to go to church with you". I felt so, so bad. These past few months have been pretty difficult and I've felt like a terrible person, but our church days were our best days! In the past month though, I've really felt the need to go back to church. There's that pull there that won't go away.
Some days I just feel like a bad Christian because of everything I've done and said in my life, even though I have changed a lot since having my DD. She made me want to be a better person. But I don't even have a Bible anymore! :ohno: I've moved so many times it's not even funny. :(
I guess I just need some prayers. There's a few churches around here that I'd like to try and attend a few services but I don't know what's holding me back! I think it's because when I was a teenager, a church we attended for years was so clique like and judgemental it turned me off for years after that. And now I'm a single, pregnant mother? I guess I'm afraid of being judged again.
Thanks for reading. :)