Secular Confessions

Well I spoke to Ky about it and found out it was just raspberry spitting for like a split second because he was frustrated with this girl. She kept tapping him on the shoulder when he was trying to concentrate on their social studies project. He told me the new teacher (who I am beginning not to like even though he says he likes her even though he liked his teacher last year, whom I loved, more than the new one) paired him purposefully with this girl because Ky and she do not get along. The teacher wanted them to learn to work together better. This girl was in his class last year as well and she and Ky did not get along. He was sick of her "tapping and whacking" him so he sighed and did a raspberry spit and she went all crazy and told the teacher he spit all over her face. She is very dramatic BTW, very annoying and dramatic (I know I am so horrible about speaking of a little girl this way but she truly is rather annoying. She is nice though when she wants to be but she is like on hyper drive and is very dramatical. She was very good in the school play last year as the lead). Ky also said that he stopped telling his new teacher that this girl was bothering him because she told him to "stop complaining" so now I am going to have to speak with her yet again. I don't know why she has to be so difficult. Hopefully we won't be moving to Chicago next year and we can stay at our school and I can request my favorite teacher for Ky since they are no going to be staying with the same class next year. They do "blocking" for at least 2 years at Ky's school where they stay with the same teachers and kids. Unfortunately Ky's old teacher who I loved got moved to Kindergarten because they didn't want to put a new teacher with the new group of Kindergarteners coming this year and because she had K experience and is just a sweet lady that kids love. Our new teacher is an experienced teacher but I really feel that she is more of a mainstream teacher and doesn't understand the culture of our school. I hope Ky is just exaggerating and she did not tell him this. I will have to write her a lengthy email again tomorrow and I know she hates it when I do that!

Erin

Ugh, what a pain in the butt Erin. Even not knowing Ky personally, I know he's telling the truth. That teacher really needs to get a grip.

28 is a big kindergarten. A couple of years ago we had state funding for low kindergarten class sizes and our max was 14 kids in Kindergarten. We lost that funding with all the state and district budget cuts so now the kindergartens are all over 20 kids but I still think 28 is huge.

Suja is right, when learning is reinforced at home children can learn in any environment. There was a study I heard of that smaller class sizes do lead to improved learning, but ONLY when teachers take advantage of the small size to do more hands-on learning. So it's really the teaching style and not the number of kids in the end. Still, when you have 28 kids just one or two difficult ones can really make it hard to teach and learn.

About the website, I know lots of teachers who never update their website but still send home a weekly "newsletter" with lots of information, so I wouldn't judge just by that.

Erin, I sympathize with Ky. I would have had a hard time at his age if a teacher deliberately paired me with a kid I didn't get along with.

Katy, sorry about the egg.

28 kids is the norm in the kindergarten classes (I'm not sure about the other grades) in my super-good local school here. I was appalled too, and can't imagine how order could be maintained when I can barely do it with my two or three, but I guess it can work. On the other hand, California is not so great with its schools in general.

Katy, so sorry about your egg. Chrissy, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time right now. I hope things smooth out when things get settled. Suja, I hope you're having a better day today! And you know what?

What?!?!?! I'm on tenterhooks with that cliffhanger!

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Originally Posted by girlwonder

What?!?!?! I'm on tenterhooks over with that cliffhanger!

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LOL! Me too, and I was just going to post something similar!

(Although I didn't think of using the awesome "tenterhooks" in my reply).

What L?

Lydia. I call new rule. You are not allowed to end a post with, "And you know what?".

Thanks for all the perspective regarding the kindergarten class, everyone. It's all a little overwhelming for me I must admit.
Erin, I have a question for you regarding your research of schools. I have not done much since I just assumed we'd be homeschooling. Where do you start? What are the ratings based on? Standardized testing? I do know Wisconsin has been known for having some of the best schools. I have always been told that this particular elementary school is great. It's a small country school since we are in the town of vs. city of.

Also, I would be annoyed by that teacher too. It sounds like Ky is doing everything right by trying to stay away from the girl and by telling his teacher that she bothers him. Instead of scolding him for "complaining" she should be condoning his communication skills. Also, partnering him with the girl is just setting him up for failure. I am not of the mindset that children have to get along.

Sorry guys, no cliffhanger. I was going to say something about it being harder to feel 'natural' at mothering if you are used to feeling highly competent and having everything go exactly the way it's supposed to, like in a really technical field, since mothering is the opposite of that, in response to Suja's post about some people being natural mothers and others feeling not so much that instinct. Motherhood is so much uncertainty, and so often feeling incompetent, and so frequently having things not work out no matter how much effort and research you put into it (and conversely, sometimes things going beautifully just by happenstance), that it can be a downright uncomfortable feeling if you have a hard time letting go of the feeling of competency. I know that feeling myself, and I don't feel like a natural either. I would describe myself as not good with children, although I think I'm pretty good with my own.

Anyway, I got sidetracked and only halfway through and deleted most of it and then apparently didn't delete my lead-up sentence. Sorry! (Embarrassment)

Okay, a quick R. funny before I finish making dinner.

R (loudly): MOMMY, wipe me!
Me: Okay, I'm here.
R: Did you hear me yelling?
Me: It was hard to miss.
R: I didn't want you to hear me.
Me: Then why did you yell for me to come wipe you? And how else would you accomplish the Mommy wiping process?
R: I just wanted you to just think "Hmm, maybe he needs a wipe right now" and then come into the bathroom on your own, but I yelled in case you weren't thinking about it.

Thanks, Lydia. I needed that.

Ronin knows you have mind reading skills, but wanted to give a little hand, you know, in case you had on your tinfoil beanie and it blocked the mind reading.

teehee funny R!

Lol!

:laugh: That was a fine attempt at the subliminal, Ronin!

lol-that was so cute!

And L what you said about being used to being competent and then suddenly becoming a mother makes sense to me. I had mine so young and really had a "everything will be all right" attitude. I mean, I tried to be a good mother and that was definitely my goal, but I didn't worry then and being a mother did feel natural. And because the girls came out all right, I just assume Conner will too. I know I made mistakes and I have worked (and will continue to work) to correct them, but doing things the way others do or having my kids behave/develop/be xyz was never a concern of mine. I'm so relieved I never had that.

eta: I mean on the level it seems other mothers experience those concerns. Of course I'm currently worried about Conner's PT'ing (or lack of it) but I don't have the same level of concern and I don't feel like I've failed or any of that. I'm just not over-analytical about parenting. I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda mom. It works for us.

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Originally Posted by Bridget

Erin, I have a question for you regarding your research of schools. I have not done much since I just assumed we'd be homeschooling. Where do you start? What are the ratings based on? Standardized testing? I do know Wisconsin has been known for having some of the best schools. I have always been told that this particular elementary school is great. It's a small country school since we are in the town of vs. city of.

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You can visit the Great Schools website and put in your state and look up the same of the schools in your community. The number rating is based on test scores and to me they really don't mean all that much. I actually wouldn't want my kid going to a 10 rated school because I would feel that they focus too much on test taking KWIM. I admit though that I do use that as a guideline. I would not feel comfortable sending my kid to a school with the rating on test scores being beneath a 4 (preferably 5). I mostly go by the reviews on that website. I will visit the school and see how receptive the office environment is because I feel the office is a reflection of the culture of the school. I would want to visit class rooms, even if just observing outside of a door. I would want a sample schedule of the day. I would want to know about bathroom breaks for kindergarten, if they have a schedule, if they have a bathroom in the classroom. When kids start kindergarten it is a big adjustment even if they have gone to preschool as regular school is bigger with more kids and they may have potty issues so I like to make sure that the bathroom is near and they can go whenever they need to go without a lot of attention being focused on them for needing to use the restroom. I would look at the material they are using and ask about the teaching methods and techniques. I would go to a PTA meeting to get a feel for the parents at the school, if they are snotty or inviting or overachievers who only focus on fundraising (these are the worst IMO). I would like to know the classroom access rules and regulations of the school, if volunteers are welcome, if they have a class parent who organizes volunteer or supply efforts for the class, if not and I wanted to start something like this, if they are receptive to it and my involvement as a parent.

I also look at the needs of the child. Ky is very sensitive. He is very bright but gets his feelings hurt easily and has always been kind of awkward in groups even though he loves being around other kids. He is not one to speak up for himself (like I mentioned above) so I need to know that the teachers and administrators are looking out for the kids and that they have strict bullying policies in place in regards to this. I would want to make sure they have a regular recess or PE class as Ky is very active and needs to move (like all kids IMO). I need to know that their lunches are decent, they don't have to be organic everything for me, but not fake food and not a bunch of crap. I need for Ky to have individual attention and to be challenged academically but not overly so. I feel he would get too frustrated if things moved to quickly, which is the main thing I love about his school, that he can work on his level.

I just know from Elle's personality right now that she may have much different needs than Ky. She is not sensitive, she is very competitive when it comes to learning things. She reminds me a lot of myself as a girl (I actually remember being 3 and wanting to beat my brother in reading and writing and knowing addition facts in my head). She is just a spitfire and I do feel that if she retains a lot of her personality she will not need as much of an intimate learning environment as Ky.

So basically just to say, the ratings go by the tests, go and visit and talk to people. Hopefully you will find a school that meets your expectations.

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Originally Posted by missychrissy

lol-that was so cute!

And L what you said about being used to being competent and then suddenly becoming a mother makes sense to me. I had mine so young and really had a "everything will be all right" attitude. I mean, I tried to be a good mother and that was definitely my goal, but I didn't worry then and being a mother did feel natural. And because the girls came out all right, I just assume Conner will too. I know I made mistakes and I have worked (and will continue to work) to correct them, but doing things the way others do or having my kids behave/develop/be xyz was never a concern

of mine. I'm so relieved I never had that.

eta: I mean on the level it seems other mothers experience those concerns. Of course I'm currently worried about Conner's PT'ing (or lack of it) but I don't have the same level of concern and I don't feel like I've failed or any of that. I'm just not over-analytical about parenting. I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda mom. It works for us.

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I am a lot like you Chrissy and understand what you mean. I am still like that really. I just don't worry about every little exchange. When I was younger, I used to just think this was just another area that I was weird in! Moms I know IRL worry way more about things than I do. I always feel for them though as I know they are just concerned because these are their babies but I am just a "whatever will be will be" type of person and I do my best and hope it will work out okay. I also no longer dwell on the past or the future, it is less to stress about and I can't go back and change anything or go forward and warn myself so I might as well let it be.

Erin

I stress about every little thing:(
I wish I could be more like you, Chrissy and Erin. I think in a lot of ways it is healthier for all. I've spent my whole life flying by the seat of my pants and now I'm the total opposite in parenting! I need to chill.

Today we had another argument because Savana came to me and told me that dbf called her a "smart ass" and she was crying. She is super sensitive to name calling. So is Kai. Well I do have a rule that you don't call anyone outside their name unless you have permission (like nicknames and such).
Well I told Savana to tell daddy that she does not like it when he calls her that. Then five minutes later she comes down crying again because his response was that she is a smart ass. :pokey: So in my efforts to not argue with him in front of the kids I asked her just to stay in the room with me for a bit until she felt like that moment with daddy had passed and she could move on from it since clearly she wasn't able to get through to him using her words.

I asked him to please be respectful of their wishes and he says to me why should he be respectful of her when she is "backtalking him". Then of course he goes off about how it's bs that she tattles on him to me. Well I am sorry but she is looking for support and I don't think that's horrible. I tried to stay out of it by giving her the tools to resolve the conflict with him on her own but he just squashed that with his rude behavior and by totally ignoring her words.

I could stand to be more like Erin myself. I know this past year has really tossed me a lot of crap, but I used to be so much better at taking things in stride. I'm not particularly talking about the kids here...but me and my own stuff. I fully believe in what you said Erin. You can't change the past. I used to never allow myself to think "shoulda/woulda/coulda" because that kind of thinking goes nowhere.

Bridget, I really hate that 'tattling' mentality! I almost brought it up in regards to what Ky's teacher said to him about that girl he's having issues with. imo, when teachers or other adults say, "Don't tattle" they're telling the kids they can't go to a trusted adult. We've discussed this before-I remember you have something for your daycare kids where they can go 'tattle' to.

Anyway, I don't know what your dbf's issue is but seriously-he needs to get himself together here. If he doesn't want you stepping in and interfering, then he's going to have to show that he's capable of handling those things. Maybe not exactly like you would but there must be a lot of other ways he could have handled that with Savanna. Poor girl :(

Bridget, I know ratings are not just based on test scores. Or at least in the "big picture" of schools, maybe in judging which schools are better and worse, and which districts are better and worse, it's more than just test scores. When I was considering moving to a different city and my realtor was waxing eloquent about the great school system there, I asked her how exactly that was measured. She said it was not only test scores, but it was also based on student:teacher ratios, district expenditure per student, extracurricular activities, alternative classes offered besides the standard math and English and basic requirements, percentage of children graduating, percentage of students going on to higher education, etc. It's not test scores and seemingly not strictly academics.

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Originally Posted by Bridget

Today we had another argument because Savana came to me and told me that dbf called her a "smart ass" and she was crying. She is super sensitive to name calling. So is Kai. Well I do have a rule that you don't call anyone outside their name unless you have permission (like nicknames and such).
Well I told Savana to tell daddy that she does not like it when he calls her that. Then five minutes later she comes down crying again because his response was that she is a smart ass. :pokey: So in my efforts to not argue with him in front of the kids I asked her just to stay in the room with me for a bit until she felt like that moment with daddy had passed and she could move on from it since clearly she wasn't able to get through to him using her words.

I asked him to please be respectful of their wishes and he says to me why should he be respectful of her when she is "backtalking him". Then of course he goes off about how it's bs that she tattles on him to me. Well I am sorry but she is looking for support and I don't think that's horrible. I tried to stay out of it by giving her the tools to resolve the conflict with him on her own but he just squashed that with his rude behavior and by totally ignoring her words.

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I want to hurt your dbf. And I'm pretty much a pacifist.

Does he really lack any ability to parent? He calls her name when he feels like she misbehaves?! Why wouldn't he just offer a consequence like time-out or start counting the behavior?

And maybe she wouldn't tattle on him like he was another child if he stopped acting like another child. :eyeroll:

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Originally Posted by AbbeysMom

I want to hurt your dbf. And I'm pretty much a pacifist.

Does he really lack any ability to parent? He calls her name when he feels like she misbehaves?! Why wouldn't he just offer a consequence like time-out or start counting the behavior?

And maybe she wouldn't tattle on him like he was another child if he stopped acting like another child. :eyeroll:

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I was thinking the same thing!

Plus does 'backtalking' translate into speaking her mind, because IMO that should be supported not condemned. I wish your DBF would get a clue :eyeroll:

Good morning. I am so tired I didn't realize that next week was already Thanksgiving.

I got a call from the vet last night and Molly has coccidia...which is like doggie cryptosporidium. Great. I never experienced this before but I guess it's fairly common in young puppies and kitties because they have no immune system and it's a pretty common spore or whatever. An older dog will ususally take care of it within their own immune system. And being part beagle they said doesn't help because her nose will lead to her to it. They weren't concerned about Cosmo until I mentioned that they had been using the same litter box. Cosmo doesn't use it much but she has and we pick up poos right away. But to be safe, DH dropped off a Cosmo sample this morning when he picked up Molly's meds. Molly seemed to take the med really well, it's banana flavored. And hopefully we only have to do one round of this. She hasn't shown a sign of being sick...usually they find out when they are having watery/bloody diarrhea and she's still formed.
It's starting to get hard to keep track of this girls meds. Antibiotic once a day, ears twice a day, ear wash every other day, another week I think is when we do another round of worming meds...do that until heartgard is started. OMG.
Good news is she is eating, drinking, playing just fine. And starting to quiet down faster when being kenneled.

I was really having some days of regrets getting her and wishing I had listened to DH...he agreed to it but was not into the idea so much. Talk about the shoulda's. I think that we are liking her more now though. She is cute and I think she has the potential to be a pretty good dog once we are past this puppy phase. I had forgotten that while cute, it sucks and is a LOT of work. I cannot wait until she is a little bit older and knows a few things. And doesn't get me up several times a night. And doesn't bite all the time.

Those of you with dogs...did you get yours older or as newborns like me?


I tried to look but I don't know what the class sizes are here for K. But I do think I would probably try sending Savana to school, especially if she wants to try it. Academically you could probably do more at home.....I wanted for years to homeschool for that reason. And well we lived in Milwaukee at that time and didn't know we would be moving and those schools truly suck. But the social experience could be just what is needed. Getting a chance to make friends with kids your own age is fun and important.

Hmm, I am kind of old-fashioned like this but I cannot stand back talking. I don't love the idea of smart ass being used (though I can see it slipping out) and would prefer to have seen something like sassy being used. More of a description of behavior than a name. And it's hard because you werent there. If she went up to him and said nicely, daddy it hurt my feelings when you called me a name.....and he thought that was back talking, he should be poked with a big stick. But if she went up to him and said in a snotty tone something like, you called me a name and I don't like so don't do it again...that would back talking to me.

My bulldog we got as a pup :wub: Our chiuaha as an adult though. I much prefer to get them from the little bitty stage since they are easily trained (even though we could never get our bulldog house trained:pokey:). Our chiuaha ran rampant, pee'd and poo'd all over the place because no one had trained him properly. It took a while, but he got used to being caged. He still doesn't understand inside/outside for using the bathroom. So he has a runner he goes on outside during the day and is crated in our room at night.

Which reminds me I have to talk to DH again about what we are going to do with the chiuaha. He has serious issues with kids, is scared of them like you would not believe. I'm afraid that once Nolan gets mobile he might snap at him (I don't think he'd actually attack/bite, just snap and back away). I don't really want to give him away since to me, when you get an animal, it is forever. You make a committment to give that animal a home, which is why we have two non-house trained dogs that have to stay on runners as much as I hate it :(

Glad you caught the Coccidia early, Jennifer. It is very treatable, so Molly should be fine. You may want to let the breeder know. Chances are good that the rest of her littermates have it as well, and it might be in their best interest to get treated before being seriously ill.

Both my dogs were adults when we got them. Khan was a stray, maybe 2 or 3 years old. Pan belonged to a friend of mine who could no longer keep her. If at all possible, I will only ever get adult dogs. I like my dogs with an attention span and all or at least most of their brain installments. Training has been a breeze, and I never had to deal with all the puppy issues (potty training, destruction, nipping, etc.). I do want a rare breed dog some time in the future, which probably means going the puppy route, but that won't happen until Mira is much older, and I've had a few years to catch up on my sleep.

DP

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Originally Posted by Suja

Glad you caught the Coccidia early, Jennifer. It is very treatable, so Molly should be fine. You may want to let the breeder know. Chances are good that the rest of her littermates have it as well, and it might be in their best interest to get treated before being seriously ill.

Both my dogs were adults when we got them. Khan was a stray, maybe 2 or 3 years old. Pan belonged to a friend of mine who could no longer keep her. If at all possible, I will only ever get adult dogs. I like my dogs with an attention span and all or at least most of their brain installments. Training has been a breeze, and I never had to deal with all the puppy issues (potty training, destruction, nipping, etc.). I do want a rare breed dog some time in the future, which probably means going the puppy route, but that won't happen until Mira is much older, and I've had a few years to catch up on my sleep.

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I did send an email last night letting her know about it and suggesting to let the other new owners know in case they didn't do a wellness visit like I did. I had never even heard of coccidia before! We were freaking out last night and of course worried about Cosmo.

Yeah I do like getting from puppy and getting that bond and training started early BUT puppies have issues. We are using a crate and when she's out, it's 100% supervision (with bedrooms shut off). It is exhausting! Right about now I'm thinking screw the xmas tree and maybe just put a few things on the mantle and hang our stockings and call it a day.

I'm just glad that I should have time to get Molly trained before we a baby.

Which rare breed do you want?

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Originally Posted by Cosmosmom

Right about now I'm thinking screw the xmas tree and maybe just put a few things on the mantle and hang our stockings and call it a day.

I'm just glad that I should have time to get Molly trained before we a baby.

Which rare breed do you want?

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Yeah, baby puppies and Christmas trees don't mix. Since Molly is small, you could put an X-pen around the tree to keep her away from it.

Consider this preparation for your future baby. They're A LOT more work than puppies for a much longer period of time. I know that's exactly what you wanted to hear :laugh:

I want a Leonberger. I've wanted one for a long time. It's unfortunate that they're an AKC breed now. It's usually the death knell for responsible breeding.

Wow another big dog! Nice looking....but the thing that gets me with big dogs is the way too short life span. I mean Cosmo is already 8 yrs old and I'm really hoping she goes to 15-16 yrs old. I have never had a purebred dog. Well my parents had a mini poodle when I was born. My MIL has a show stock english springer spaniel...he's not show quality but his parents were and he's had a lot of issues.

We had Cosmo our first xmas and she was about the same age as Molly...maybe just a few weeks older. Cosmo's birthday is Sept 6 and Molly's is Sept 25. But it was our first one married so we went out and did a tree....we have a fake one so just left off the bottom layer of branches. LOL

I'm a little more tired now than I was 8 years ago and thinking that maybe it's just too much work to put it up this year after spending all the time on Molly.

Which food do you use? Well obviously one for large breeds but I just am realizing all the differences in them and wondering if the grain free is the way to go or not a big deal. Cosmo we always used Eukanuba (which I thought was a higher end brand but found out about some others) and recently tried the light science diet but it's too much fiber and are going to switch back. I'm thinking that maybe we should go over to a senior formula. Cosmo does need to lose like 3-4 lbs.

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Originally Posted by Cosmosmom

Wow another big dog! Nice looking....but the thing that gets me with big dogs is the way too short life span.

Which food do you use? Well obviously one for large breeds but I just am realizing all the differences in them and wondering if the grain free is the way to go or not a big deal. Cosmo we always used Eukanuba (which I thought was a higher end brand but found out about some others) and recently tried the light science diet but it's too much fiber and are going to switch back. I'm thinking that maybe we should go over to a senior formula. Cosmo does need to lose like 3-4 lbs.

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It's always a trade-off. My personal preference is for large (and hairy) dogs. Leos don't drool, which I really like. They are currently not overbred, and if I choose a breeder carefully, one who does all the breed appropriate health screenings (OFA hips, elbows, cardiac, etc.), and has lines of dogs that have shown longevity, then I stand a better than average chance of having dogs that live to or exceed their expected lifespan. I've been lucky so far. Both my dogs have lived past the average lifespan for their breeds.

As for dog foods, I don't use any 'size specific' dog foods. Those are usually gimmicks, and except in puppies, where orthopedic issues have to be taken into consideration, there is no real need to feed large breed foods. We started with Canidae, but changed to Solid Gold WolfKing when they changed their formula. I usually rotate through a bunch of different foods, though - Solid Gold, Wellness, Innova Evo (not any more, after they were sold to PG), Fromm's, Pinnacle, etc. Currently, the dogs are on the no grain formula found at Costco (Kirkland brand). It's actually a very good food for the money. The manufacturer is Diamond, who also does foods along the lines of Chicken Soup and Taste of The Wild. As a general rule, we don't do weight loss or senior formula - all that means is that they add more undigestible crap to the food. I'm very big on reading labels, and this site can help you choose the right food for your dog: http://dogfoodanalysis.com/

What are the odds that the spot where I got my chickenpox vaccine is red and sore, I have little red bumps popping up on my chest and neck, and it is NOT a reaction to the vaccine? Just shoot me now :headbang:

Oh, Suja, I hope you don't have chicken pox! Eeeek!

I've copied and pasted the following from my thread in NM/MIG about the meeting about Travis this evening:

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Right, we're back from the meeting, so I'll try to remember what was said!

First off, the assessment they did on him was based on the first 2 weeks of school and he scored so low because he cried for those first 2 weeks every day that he was at school (he goes 2.5 days per week). I find that ridiculous. The teacher said she'd never had a child do that but that this is her first year as a nursery teacher as she usually teaches 5 year olds and onwards. (So, she is used to kids being more settled in to school!)

She said that she wouldn't put Travis in those categories now as she's seen him demonstrate how clever he is in a lot of ways when he's in smaller groups. She said the other day that he was playing with a rug that had numbers from 1 to 100 and she asked him to point to number 8; he did and then she said he pointed to number 28 and said, "that's twenty-eight." So, at least she knows he's not behind academically.

She does want him to get in to group work more, so she's suggested that she work with him and one other child who is quiet, too, and to get them more comfortable with her and then try to ease them more in to bigger group activiities.

One thing she suggested he do is to bring something in that he can share with the class; the other day he brought in a book he likes to read at home and shared that, so I said that's a great idea and so I'll tell him on Monday that he can take something else to share with everyone.

So, overall, I'm happy with what got said and it feels like overall, everything is positive, but I feel like the teachers should have explained better that their assesement was based on the first 2 weeks of school and not the overall time they've been there.