I don't know what happened, Molly, but I'm sorry. I feel the same way L does.
I don't know what happened, Molly, but I'm sorry. I feel the same way L does.
Molly, I'm sorry you were made to feel like that by someone on this site. I don't really venture out of this room much anymore. I probably wouldn't visit the site actually if it weren't for you ladies.
Molly, I am sorry for whatever happened. You're safe in here!
Chrissy, last night I read this article in my national geographic magazine about teenage brains and why they act the way they do. I thought about you the whole time and wanted to share it with you. I found it very interesting.
Bridget, that's a really fascinating article. Whe. I worked in a K - 8 school and had middle schoolers to deal with, I realized how pathetically little I knew about that stage of development. I really thought about taking a class, but then I moved to a K-5 school and now preschool. I think I'll stay where I am!
That was a great read Bridget. Very enlightening!
I think you're doing a great job with Jesi FWIW Chrissy. You are a very dedicated mom and I hope she can see that. I'm sure she does as well. Plus, I remember you mentioning that she is a lot like you were at her age. Take comfort in that. Look at where you are now and know that if she does make mistakes similar to those that you made then more than likely she will be okay.
Those are some strange laws you have in NY though. I have never heard of anything like that until you had mentioned it before. Crazy also that the country can send 18 year olds off to war but in NY you have to financially take care of a child until their 21 or the state will sue you. I bet the state will take a 17 soon to be 18 year old into their National Guard or Coast Guard and I bet if they get injured you wouldn't be able to sue to state for abuse.
And Molly so sorry if someone is giving you a rough time here. I was happy to see you back if it means anything. I also probably wouldn't be here if not for this room and our group of ladies.
I'll have to read that teenager article; it's good to be prepared, right? :)
I had an "awww" moment with DH tonight. We were upstairs putting Travis' bedding back on his bed together and I mentioned that his bedding reminds me of when I first came over to see DH at Christmas when we were still a long-distance couple (the bed Travis sleeps in now is a small double bed that used to be DH's when he still lived with his parents). So, we were talking about how he'd picked me up from the airport and when I got to DH's parents house, I was so jet-lagged, that I was so happy to go upstairs and go straight to sleep for a few hours (in that bed!) We were just bantering about the misconceptions I'd had of England and just how we felt at the time and DH told me that he really wanted to ask me to marry him right then and there (but he actually waited a year later since we'd only known each other 6 months at that point). He'd never told me that! I was all like, "aaaaaaw." lol
Oh, how sweet! Love your story.
I swear, Moll, if you disappear on me again, I will have to go on antidepressants! For my sake, please try to forget about the others, and don't forget your own awesomeness. :cry:
I started reading the article...I did know that the human brain doesn't develop fully till we're 25. I guess what gets me is Bobbie was raised in the same house, with the same rules, and she hasn't acted out like Jesi at all. I know they're different people and all that. I still didn't expect this extreme amount of misbehavior from her.
I'm beginning to wonder if there will ever be a day when I can fully trust her again. That's the part that bugs me the most.
Everyone thought I was nuts for meeting a guy online since no one had never done such a thing in my circle of friends and family!
I think I knew you met online...it sounds familiar anyway. Weren't you scared when you went out the first time? It's a very sweet story though :wub: Did you have to give up your US citizenship?
Oh, and you are nuts. But in a good way. :D
It's a very romantic story, and the two of you being so happy now makes it so much better. Before I met DH I planned to move to England. I met him right after, though, and never left. I'd still like to live there ... Don't know that I ever will.
And Chrissy, I think birth order plays a part, too. It's not unusual for one child to be an achiever and then the second child to act out. That's how it was in my family and I've read that's a pretty common pattern.
I've been thinking about chat rooms tonight now...I visited some here and there 'back in the day'. I kinda miss them because you got to talk to different people all the time. Message boards are nice, and I love this group a lot, but in a chat room you met new people that you'd maybe not have anything in common with except perhaps being bored at the exact same time.
Some of my favorite conversations were with a guy from Manhattan weeks after 9/11, a rancher in Montana, and some college kid that was struggling with his relationship. I can't remember the details of that conversation but I do recall clearly that he offered to burn me a CD and send it to a Mailboxes.com address as a thank you for listening to him. It's been a long time since I talked to real strangers online. I think the a/s/l and pic requests got to be too much so I quit visiting them.
And nope, didn't have to give up citizenship. The boys and I are Yankee Limeys as Myles would say.
By the time Rich and I met in person for our first date, I already felt like I knew everything about him. We'd talked every single day on web cam and also on the phone.
DH and I met online too!
People meeting online is so common these days!
I met dbf at a bar in passing. Our first "real" meeting with conversation was on a trolley around Oahu on Cinqo de Mayo.
I took the kids to a party yesterday. It was a wedding reception for a couple that go married in Vegas and they had a table of stuff for kids to do. So cool! But I encountered another one of those loud talker moms who says all the "right" things to their kid just loud enough for everyone to hear and actually made it so obvious by staring at me (because the boy was playing with Kai) the entire time she was talking to her son. Argh! Mom's like that crack me up and make me mad at the same time. So weird!
There was another couple there, the wife I have met before and she's very sweet. Kai and her son T get along great every time we run into eachother so the kids were playing awesome and the husband was really sweet and funny and he just couldn't stop going on and on about what a cool kid Kai is, how funny he is, how nice he shared. Kai was beaming. I couldn't help but wish Kai's own dad would say that stuff to him. I kept telling her how awesome her husband was and then after like the 3rd time I told her I must be weirding her out and she laughed and said no she liked hearing it. I almost said I wanted to take him home with me but that would have been officially inappropriate. :P
We just got a 39k estimate to rebuild a retaining wall at our house down in L.A. :shocker: Uh, I think DH is going to do it himself.
On the subject of antidepressants, I think I told you guys before that I was diagnosed with PMDD, and the doctor prescribed Zoloft for it. Apart from the side effect of heartburn, I think it really did a lot to improve my symptoms the 2 weeks leading up to AF. I wasn't consistent with taking it because it was a stop-and-start medication anyway, and then I replaced it with a birth control pill called Yaz, which treated the same symptoms. I don't know if it was because my symptoms weren't that strong to begin with, but those drugs not only combatted the symptoms, but also gave me a little bit of a buzz, like I was kind of a little TOO happy. I felt like I wanted to take them recreationally, so they made me wary. Then we started TTC, and after Bodhi came, my symptoms were never quite as severe as before, so I've managed without it. Anyway, my take on that family of drugs (SSRIs)is that they really can help people who are situationally in a bad place (e.g. profound grief), but in those cases, need to be paired with some sort of "outlook" therapy to figure out how one can cope without the chemicals. Like, the goal should be to get off the drugs. I know others with chronic anxiety, or severe OCD who were helped by either an AD or an anti-anxiety drug. My BIL, for instance, was a downright sociopath. He was seriously like the Jack Nicholson character in As Good As It Gets, and now he's fairly normal with regular use of the meds. So I don't know what my point is. I agree that doctors tend to overprescribe. Like, in my case, I sort of looked up the symptoms of PMDD, recited them to my doctor and they were obviously really subjective. I might as well have just said "I think I may have PMDD" and she would have probably written me the script. So perhaps the problem is that doctors may feel that the drugs are so harmless they can let their patients give them a try almost at whim. And if they're not prescribed with some sort of reinforcement to try to manage one's problems naturally, patients can develop a crutch mentality towards them.
Ash, I think that story is adorable. I am so impressed that you flew out to the UK to be with him. I just love your story. DH & I met on Match.com. We were both at the tail end of our usage of the site. Dated for a month, but didn't really click until we went surfing together. We say we fell in love in the Pacific Ocean, which is true.
I confess that last week, I was frustrated because I felt I'd worked so hard at the gym (sometimes pulling double workouts) and choosing what I ate. After a week of that, I not only didn't lose anything, but I'd gained .2 lbs. This morning I weighed myself (after 4 days of NOT eating so well due to visit by Orange Hungry Monster) and I lost two whole lbs. I think that means I've lost about 6+ lbs since I started doing my own personal 121 day challenge. I'm halfway through now. Hey, if I lose another 4 lbs between now and the end of the challenge, I won't complain.
Speaking of workouts, Ash, I thought of you in Zumba the other night when we did the "speed cabbage patch". LOL.
Molly, again, please come back to us. You could just stay in here. Unfortunately, I think you're always going to come across views that don't feel supportive in here. I'm so sure that if I spent more time outside this room, I'd feel condemnation from various groups of moms for my atheism, my parenting style, my politics etc. There are a million little things I do that I know people have opinions about. I just feel dismissive of most people who disagree with me unless they can make some sort of dent in my logic.
What is that saying from The 4 Agreements? "An insult is only an insult if you choose to believe it." For example, if someone wrinkled her nose at me and said, "You have a big black stain on your shirt and it's really disgusting", that'd be an easy one to shrug off, because who cares about a mark on something I wear? Or if someone were to get all eye-rolly and say "I can't BELIEVE the way some parents risk suffocating their children by sharing a bed with them!", I can shrug that off too, because I'm confident and feel informed in my decision to share sleep with my little guy. But if someone were to start sounding off about moms who work out of the home, I would be a bit bothered by that and feel hurt and judged because that's an area where I tend to judge myself (believing the insult). I feel like I'm not at my ideal where that's concerned. So bottom line, I know you know you did the optimal thing last year. So when someone starts voicing their judgmental, half-baked ideas like with what happened most recently, just try to hear it like it's someone trying to act all superior about a stain on your shirt, and not someone who has any true insight into your motives and thought processes.
One thing a friend of mine always used to remind me of is that half the population is below average intelligence. And it's not my job to teach them. To put it more crassly, you just gotta let people be dumb sometimes; if you don't, and if you try to change the way all those people think, it'll just be exhausting and a waste of time.
That's my two cents because I desperately want to keep you here, Moll. Wub u! :wub:
(BTW, I know the statement "half the population is below average intelligence" isn't true. But it sounds good. :))
But your point is an excellent one, because that group of people is out there. Something I need to remind myself of, too.
The speed cabbage patch...I think I know the one you are talking about and I only just now can kind of do that one...the speedy moves always catch me off guard! I have a really hard time doing the move where you pump your arms and hump the air while going side ways to the left and then side ways to the right....it's like I can do the arms and the humping bit but not altogether! LOL!
That's great weight loss as well! It's hard to understand weight loss; my SIL is always on a diet and she can eat tiny amounts of food for awhile and gain weight and then she'll just change one little thing and like lose 5 pounds in a week...
Come back, Molly! Myles speaks the wise words here! I enjoy your posts on here and you add something special to this group! And about the people being dumb thing, that is soooo true! I get too easily annoyed at dumb people. That's one thing I need to improve on....just letting things go like that.
Bridget, that story was great! :wub:
Myles, I get what you're saying about SSRIs. They're definitely needed in some situations, and for life probably. Far be it from me to prevent anyone from living their own best life possible.
I can kind of see what you were saying about being offended by other people's ideals, especially if they're contrary to something you feel sensitive about. And I agree that that can be the case. However, I have zero guilty or second thoughts about being a mother that works outside the home. I'm confident that that is the best scenario for our family. I can still get upset though when I read someone else be so darned adamant that I'm causing my child damage on any level by doing so. It's not about my own reservations about my choice...it's about how 'holier than thou' some people are and they're so certain that they know what's best for everyone in this world. It's really not the debate topic that offends me, it's their absolute certainty without reservation that they are right in each and every stinkin situation.
I know what works for me. I couldn't care less what others do in their own lives, kwim? I'll put my own opinion out there but I don't expect everyone to believe the same as me. If they don't it doesn't mean I'm stupid or they're stupid...they're just different situations.
And Molly, FWIW, I totally agree with Myles.
And I'm another one that met my DH online...except it was 1998 and really nobody was doing that yet and hotmail had free classifieds....and I didn't see him until we actually met in person because he didn't have a picture online (and I wasn't going to give him my home address....I had him send it to my gay guy friend at college who got in the mail and said he was cute like the day we met).
I met DH in 1998 too! It was on the AOL chat rooms. I didn't have a picture of him either, all I knew is he was very tall and skinny with glasses and brown hair, and he did stand a good few inches over the average person. When he got off the train I called out his name and he looked around, but he didn't look down far enough to see me at first :laugh:
I guess I wasn't very clear, but I don't plan on leaving the secular confessions thread. :laugh:
I just feel generally uncomfy much of the time elsewhere on the board. Kind of like when I hang with people in my neighborhood, or almost anyone who lives in Texas willingly. Just out of place.
I have a story about that, kind of. A few weeks ago Abbey tried a ballet class.
So we go to the class and the entire way there she's so excited. She knows this is HER class, and Mommy won't be going in. It's "Just for Abbey, Abbey's dance class without Mommy." She repeats over and over , and my heart tugs a little bit. My little girl, growing up.
We get to the dance class and she is walked back to the room, she sits with the other toddlers, and I walk out, ready to wait patiently in the front room and watch my ballerina dance on the flat screen montiors they have set up just for moms like me. But two steps down the hallway I hear my girl crying inconsolably, shrieking for her Mommy. So I go in and stand at the back for most of class so she doesn't feel abandoned. She clings to my leg. I kneel down and say "Baby, you said you wanted to take ballet. I told you Mommy couldn't be here with you. Remember, "Abbey's dance class"?
She looks at me and says "Nope. Want Mommy."
And I knew why she wanted mommy. The teachers were like military sargents, demading the two-year-olds stay in line crossleagged and wait their turn to do a roll. They wanted them to wait, patiently, while twelve other two-year-olds had their turn. Then they became visibly frustrated when the two-year-olds failed to sit still, rolling their eyes at each other and saying sharply "sit your butt down, little miss!"*
I tried anyway for a good half hour to get her to participate, but she stood her ground, arms folded, face done up in scowl. I figured we would'nt be going back, but we fully stormed out halfway through, because they started playing "10 Little Indians" and had all the toddlers hooting and hopping on one leg ("c'mon girls! Hoot like an Indian!"). :ohno:
Nobody asked why I left, they probably assumed it was because Abbey cried, which is all for the best.
The point is, I need a refuge from the complete lack of social consciousness that stinks up this place. So thanks for that, Secular ladies :grouphug:
*By the way, my least favorite southern mannerism is to say something nasty but follow it up with a "little miss" or "sir" or "ma'm" like that makes it somehow respectful or makes the speaker somehow less of an a$$hole.
That's so sad about Abbey's dance class (and yes she is adorable!). I wouldn't be going back.
That dance class sounds awful! I would be so pissed! Poor Abbey. :ohno:
The 3 boys I recently started caring for used to take dance at the same school Savana goes to and their mom pulled them because they were getting homophobic-like comments from the other parents!! :shocker: Can you imagine? She takes them now to a school in a town 20 minutes away. There are no boys at Savana's school. I've asked Kai several times if he wants to do it and he says only if more boys do it.
People are such punks.
Did I ever tell you guys how I bought Kai a probiotic and told him it was tasteless and then overheard him whispering to my dad, "I think I have a superpower because mom bought me this stuff and said it was tasteless but guess what? I can taste it!"
Yesterday he lined up a bunch of his abc magnets and asked me what it said so I sounded out the letters and of course it was just one long nonsense word. He looked at me, totally incredulous, and said, "So that's my superpower! I speak spanish!"