Secular Confessions

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Originally Posted by AmeriBrit

Bridget, I think for me, I think of you as a super mom because you always seem to put your kids first; you know them so well and you listen to them and know just what to do to help them and when you don't, you try really hard to find ways to help them. I know that no one is perfect, but I guess you are for a lot of us like the mom we would like to be more like. Being patient with kids is so hard, so reading your stories always gives me some perspective about putting myself in my kids' shoes and trying to not get so overwhelmed by the other stuff going on around me when my kids should come first. That's what I wanted to say about that. ;)

I'm eating some date & walnut cake with a cup of decaf coffee while watching the British X-Factor....having a moment to myself while the kids have just gone to bed. Ahhh.....

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Abso-freaking-lutely.

What a nice day today...slept in late, did a few errands with DH that ended with us scoping out iPad 2's at the mac store and lunch at Noodles. We are soooo getting an iPad....usually I have to really work hard to talk DH into spending money but he wants one as much as I do. But probably not until we see and pay for property taxes...which we have no clue what it will be and the escrow is only taking $700...which is what it was last year on just the land. Now with the house it will be a lot more that we will have to come up with....just not sure how much yet. So I'm thinking that probably not until the spring. I have had to learn with DH that I always end up getting what I want....but have to wait until he's comfortable spending the money.

Got back in time to watch the Brewers win the first playoff game. :)

Oh and it was just GORGEOUS outside today. Cool and crisp but comfortable with a light jacket...probably in the mid 50's and so sunny. A lot of our trees are turning...reds, oranges and lots of yellows. I just love the fall.

Hey those in the south....maybe a dumb question but do the leaves turn pretty colors? I'm only wondering because they were saying that we should have a great season this year because our nights have been really cool but not too much frost yet and that makes better colors I guess.

Our leaves are either green or dead :laugh: We don't get very much "pretty" fall colors

Okay, finally got back home after robotics and the park and my aunt and Big Lots since my aunt is a constant shopper and I hadn't visited with her in a couple weeks. I was reminded by her kitchen table Big Lots shopping need, that I also need a kitchen table. I am embarrassed that I only have a folding card table in my kitchen. I never got around to getting a real table because I'm too busy and I'm too tired usually to go to the store. I don't like to shop for furniture and many other items online (drapery, clothes, and other home decorative items since I like to hold things and see them to compare to color schemes and my boobs are too big to trust sizes without trying them on first when it comes to clothes). We are having a robotics meeting at our house next Saturday though so I figure I should get one since I will have four additional kids (maybe more with siblings) coming over, plus parents. I found a decent table set and may get it but even though I'm cheap with most things I usually am not with furniture because I like good quality furniture, but I think I will go back tomorrow and get a table set I saw since it looked pretty sturdy and wasn't too cheap looking.

And Bridget I never think that your DBF is all bad. I guess because my DH is very similar to yours and my DH is really a sweetheart and I just love him dearly. He used to be just as bad with parenting skills but I just asked him repeatedly (for about 8 years basically) to please just think of himself as a kid and the silly things he thought and said and things and about the reactions that he received from the adults in his life. He usually was spanked for everything under the sun. DH does this and makes a huge effort to treat the kids how he wish he had been treated so even in the heat of the moment he will do a ding bat thing or say something horrible IMO, I'll remind him of this and he'll apologize to the kids and tell them he will make an effort not to do whatever he did again. He sticks to it though as well. But really I think you are a great lady and I don't think that you'd be with a complete a$$hole just because of how great of a lady I think you are. Your DBF seems like a sweet guy who is a dingy about getting along with people. He would probably get along great though with my DH lol!!

It was very gorgeous here today to Jennifer. Just beautiful which was why I didn't mind being gone practically all day. We had to be at robotics this morning at 8am and it wasn't done until 4pm. I did leave around noon though since parents weren't needed after that and I took DH and Elle out for lunch and Elle and I went back, then she insisted we go to the park because she hadn't been in the swings for over a week and she wanted to swing!! She did, for an hour.

The leaves here in GA start to change right around this time in the northern portion of the state, they really haven't started changing here in Atlanta very much yet. They are just starting to fall of the trees right now though. We get a peak in beauty of the colors around the third-fourth week of October but you can still see some beautiful colors in early November some years and especially in the southern suburbs in metro Atlanta. Fall is my favorite season here. I was hoping to go to Tallulah Falls park here in GA. They have the largest waterfall in the SE about 2 hours northeast of Atlanta. I wanted to stay a weekend but I don't think we'll be able to because of finances. I may take a day trip though.

It was in the lower 70s here today with a lot of wind and was divine! I was getting so sick of 95 degrees and I am looking forward to being cold.

Erin

It sounds like you had a great day Erin. :)

It was cold here today. Too cold. It didn't even reach 50. I'm so not ready for this. I don't care about colored leaves. They depress me because it's the end of summer and the beginning of winter-which I hate with a passion that words cannot describe. I try not to let the changing leaves depress me, but I really don't like them.

We had the kids' birthday celebration at the bowling alley today. I think that's the way to go for all parties now. People had stuff to do, it was fun, and I didn't have to work so hard!

We had one blip for the day though. Rich & I were playing a lane ourselves and I realized we only had 1/2 hour left so I got everyone around for the cake and presents. Of course I wanted pictures and there was a lot of people to attend to. Rich kept saying it was my turn. I finally said something to him about taking a break from it, thinking it should have been common sense that we were there for the kids anyway and I didn't want to miss seeing them open their stuff! Plus, as host and hostess it would have been rude to expect everyone to fend for themselves for cake!! What did he do? He took his bowling shoes off and I'm afraid it lit me up so much I snapped at him loudly, right in front of everyone. I just didn't care.

What really sucks is I'm afraid that every time I think about this day, that's what I'm going to remember the most. I'm so sick and tired of him ruining every single thing I try to do for fun for our family.

I'm sorry Chrissy :hugs:

Chrissy, I'm the same way about winter. Even in mild California, this week we're supposed to have rain and colder temperatures, and the leaves have started turning colors, and I am just hating it. I've already noticed how significantly earlier it's getting dark, and I'm dreading the next 7 months. I have realized, actually, that I start dreading the winter in August now, when it's still warm, because I notice the days getting shorter. I would probably do so much better if I had a winter home and a summer home. I've also started getting cold all the time. I'm wearing fleece now and I'm slightly chilly, despite an ambient temperature of 74 degrees. It's just the clouds and the thought of impending winter. DH is annoyed because he's sweaty and wants to open all of the doors and I'm shivering.

I'm sorry your party was so uncomfortable. Do you think the kids' enjoyment was spoiled by it at all?

The only leaves here that are gorgeous in the fall are the Japanese maples leaves - a beautiful red. But I'm afraid this year we won't have any real color because all the leaves are dead from the drought. It is so depressing to look at - every single tree you see is stressed, with drooping leaves or withered brown and yellow dead leaves. I am worried about falling limbs all the time now, especially in windstorms (since our thunderstorms no longer produce rain, just lightning which causes more wildfires, etc. ad infinitum). This drought is projected to last until 2020 - I can't live here if that is true.

I'm sorry, Chrissy. It sounds like you need a break - I would just plan on you or Rich moving out for a while to see how you do. Seems like at this point there's no improving the relationship, just more things that make you sure you don't want to be in it anymore. So regardless of whether the move-out is temporary or permanent, it sounds like it needs to happen for you to be able to clearly see what you want.

So after reading Outliers, a friend posted this on facebook:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/op...tart.html?_r=2

I am getting tired of sensationalism and statistics - nothing is true.

And Bridget - I didn't say you were a super-mom to upset you. It just seems that you swoop in and rescue your kids a lot. I am sure your dh has good in him, otherwise you wouldn't be with him. I worried a lot and dreamed about the post, regretting it because I felt it might be hurtful to you - actually logged in first thing to erase it, but it had already been quoted so I couldn't unsay it. I think Erin's suggestion is good - maybe if he tried to imagine things from their point of view it would help with communication? Good luck.

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Originally Posted by 3andMe

I'm sorry your party was so uncomfortable. Do you think the kids' enjoyment was spoiled by it at all?

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The kids, and everyone else, had a great time. And when I said I snapped at Rich, I just said 1-2 sentences and then left it and pretty much ignored him for the rest of the time. It was toward the end, when we only had 20 minutes or so left. And he did later put his shoes back on and we finished our game. I was just exasperated because I didn't feel like finishing our game was a priority, and then how he acted when I spoke up was uncalled for.

I do try to keep a lid on things when we're around others, but I failed today. I'll resent him for my own loss of temper which is unfair, but that's where I'm at.

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Originally Posted by girlwonder

The only leaves here that are gorgeous in the fall are the Japanese maples leaves - a beautiful red. But I'm afraid this year we won't have any real color because all the leaves are dead from the drought. It is so depressing to look at - every single tree you see is stressed, with drooping leaves or withered brown and yellow dead leaves. I am worried about falling limbs all the time now, especially in windstorms (since our thunderstorms no longer produce rain, just lightning which causes more wildfires, etc. ad infinitum). This drought is projected to last until 2020 - I can't live here if that is true.

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:( That's so sad. I hope that prediction isn't true. Where do they get their information from so they can make guesses like that? I'm curious.

And thanks for the encouragement. I'm always wondering to myself if I'm making the correct choice. I guess no one can know for sure either way, but a break doesn't have to be permanent. That's really a good reminder. I do believe staying together right now will simply make things worse.

You're a wonderful friend. So thoughtful and sweet...very Bridget-like. :wub:

Thanks, Chrissy. I feel like a big goofy blockhead most of the time!:laugh:

I'm sorry you had an issue at the party. I agree it does sound like you need a break, even if it is temporary. I'm sorry.

Jennifer, we have very few deciduous trees here. The only trees native to this area are mesquite, I think, and they stay green or drop their leaves if they get too cold. Pine is native up on the mountains. Otherwise we have mostly imports, palm trees and citrus and some cottonwood and other leafy trees but they tend not to grow wild. Some species are types that change colors, but they tend to be isolated and it has to get pretty cold for them to change. It happens in spots, though, but I'm always surprised to see it.

I love fall, though, because it is such a relief from the heat. We're still in the 90s and i'm eagerly looking forward to necpxt week because there are temps in the 80s in the forecast. Fall is beautiful here so I really don't miss the changing leaves. It's probably my favorite time of year. Winter here is kind of drab, and spring just passes too quickly and then it's hot again. The desert in bloom can be spectacular in spring, but it only happens after a super rainy spring and we haven't had one of those in a few years.

Chrissy, I'm sorry. :hugs: I agree that it does sound like you just need a break.
Erin, what is robotics exactly?

I love fall too. But it's so short and then winters around here are brutal. We've been really talking more about getting some land on the island of Hawaii and just living off the land. Dreamin.
Did I tell you guys my dad mentioned at dinner a couple of weeks ago how sometimes he feels like he wants to move somewhere else and just start over? I was surprised to hear him say that but on the drive home the more I thought about it, the more I really understand. So I called him when I pulled in the driveway and told him that I understood and he should look into where he'd like to go. The other thing that caught me off guard was that he started hiring someone to mow his lawn. Our whole lives it was always, "Dad loves to mow the lawn. Dad loves to work in the yard." But maybe he didn't love it as much as we thought. Maybe he just did it all for my mom because SHE loved the yard. I'm learning so much about my dad lately and realizing that he's got layers we never knew about. He was always so dedicated to doing what mom wanted and making mom happy. It's like we never really knew him that well at all. Maybe he didn't even know either. I'm really enjoying getting to know him.

If fall meant 80's here, I'd love it too. Colored leaves can go-I'll exchange them for some warmth!! Some falls aren't bad. We've trick-or-treated wearing shorts, and we've trick-or-treated wearing snowmobile suits under our costumes too. It varies greatly. This year is definitely starting out cold really fast. It makes me afraid!

Has you dad mentioned where he'd like to go? That's interesting about the yard. I think your dad is wonderful and it doesn't surprise me that you're so spectacular yourself. It stands to reason you're going to raise great kids too.

It did make me pause and think and be a little introspective a bit...one of Rich's best qualities is that he genuinely wants me to be happy and will do anything I ask. It's also one of the worst, for me, because he goes along with everything I think of whether it's a good idea or not. He doesn't think of obstacles or alternatives or other 'what ifs' that I neglect to think of myself. If I fail to see the big picture and make a poor choice, then it's 100% my fault. He has never thrown anything up in my face, but I'd at least like someone to discuss options with. I really, really want that.

Sorry, didn't mean to go off on my own tangent....I'm just doing a lot of thinking. Ironically, Rich does think me moving out is a bad idea and has said so. :P I will give him that.

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Originally Posted by Bridget

Chrissy, I'm sorry. :hugs: I agree that it does sound like you just need a break.
Erin, what is robotics exactly?

I love fall too. But it's so short and then winters around here are brutal. We've been really talking more about getting some land on the island of Hawaii and just living off the land. Dreamin.
Did I tell you guys my dad mentioned at dinner a couple of weeks ago how sometimes he feels like he wants to move somewhere else and just start over? I was surprised to hear him say that but on the drive home the more I thought about it, the more I really understand. So I called him when I pulled in the driveway and told him that I understood and he should look into where he'd like to go. The other thing that caught me off guard was that he started hiring someone to mow his lawn. Our whole lives it was always, "Dad loves to mow the lawn. Dad loves to work in the yard." But maybe he didn't love it as much as we thought. Maybe he just did it all for my mom because SHE loved the yard. I'm learning so much about my dad lately and realizing that he's got layers we never knew about. He was always so dedicated to doing what mom wanted and making mom happy. It's like we never really knew him that well at all. Maybe he didn't even know either. I'm really enjoying getting to know him.

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Hawaii sounds like a great place to start over. ;)

And Erin, I'm curious about robotics too... is it like a club?

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Originally Posted by AbbeysMom

Hawaii sounds like a great place to start over. ;)

And Erin, I'm curious about robotics too... is it like a club?

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If I could take my dad and brother with me I would be there in a heartbeat. We would need a pretty big plot of land to convince him to reside with us. He loves dbf because I do but the man drives him totally nuts.:laugh: My dad is mellow beyond words, like he's never done drugs but you would think he was stoned all the time as laid back as he is. Dbf is always bouncing off the walls.

Chrissy, thanks for your kind words. :wub:
I can understand what you are saying about Rich. I wonder if my mom ever felt like that. I know she always wished my dad would be more selfish and do things just for himself. It used to drive her nuts because she'd say something like, "Oh, you know what I love? Those turtle sundaes from the frozen custard shop." Then suddenly we'd all be like, "Where's dad?" and sure enough a few minutes later he pulls back in the driveway with turtle sundae. Best man alive.

:wub: Very sweet.

Rich is a bit different, but I can see similarities. If he extended that to the kids maybe I'd feel differently too. He treats them vastly different than he treats me.

Oh well. I'm not going to figure him out. I know things are getting worse in how he treats the kids. It's almost like the more distant I act toward him, he's taking his frustration out on them. Maybe it's not that, but there's definitely something going on.

Well I can understant that very well. I don't think dbf realizes how in love with him I would be if he treated kids awesome. Being a good dad is sexy.

Yes it is.

Agreed!

Aww Bridget, your dad sounds amazing :wub: Actually reminds me alot of my DH, he's so bad about doing things like that. I have to be careful what I mention I like when we go somewhere or next thing I know he's missing cause he went to go get it for me :eyeroll::wub:

And I agree, being a good dad is very sexi! I keep telling DH, you want to turn me on-get up at night with Nolan. A good nights sleep and I guarantee you I'd be ready to go :ohyea:

I used to love Fall in Arkansas since it was such a relief from the heat, but it's not the same here. The only temperatures you get here really are cold and cool. We get a rare day of nice heat but that is rare. Summer is my favourite season here. It doesn't last long though. I totally would move from here if it weren't for family being here. I'd love to try Spain or Portugal. Or even Australia, but I don't see that happening because my dh is such a scaredy cat about bugs and spiders.

omg Ash, I went out with an old friend Friday night and one of her friends came along...he was British but I didn't pick up on it right away. I was too busy catching up with Christen, and her bf and this guy kinda hung to themselves talking. Later in the night the four of us were all standing together and I heard Doug (the friend) talking and drunk me interrupts, "Are you British?" Apparently when he drinks his accent gets thicker. I'm afraid I made somewhat of an ass of myself because I asked him all about his health care and what he thought of it. He took it well though and laughed at my rudeness and answered every question I had. He was a very nice guy and loves America. Said he'd never go back...unless he had to (like for medical reasons and no $).

You know I'm far to the left when my idea of a good time is talking single payer on a Friday night. :P He was cute too...I'm almost ashamed to admit that I had fleeting thoughts about seeing if he was available in a few months. Intellectually, I know that's the last thing I need, but I was smitten.

:laugh:Oh, Chrissy! That is kind of funny you just grilled him about health care. I could see myself doing something like that.
And my you are ambitious. When I think about ever leaving dbf I think I will never want another man again. They are too much work. :laugh:

Sawyer slept so well last night! My alarm actually went off at 6am and he was still sleeping (on my chest) so I put him in his playpen down in the daycare and then realized I was up too early! My first child today does not arrive until 8. Too up to go back to sleep though. I sure am thinking about that extra hour of sleep!

Oh goodness Bridget-that's the shocking part for me too. I haven't looked at/considered anyone at all. And seriously, I don't want to get into anything for a really long time-if ever. I think it was more health care envy. :P I did surprise myself by liking him as much as I did...but I know enough to avoid all that.

Yay for extra sleep!!

Okay, I just typed out a long post that disappeared so I'm going to sum up what I said.

Katy, I have heard about the drought in TX. I post in a political forum as well as this one and we have been discussing if Texas will become the next state that will have large numbers of people moving as a result of being "climate change refugees." It is interesting in the political forum as many people still do not believe that climate change is a real thing, even though the majority of us believe they are some nutcases. It is also encouraging to see that many Republicans/Conservatives do believe that climate change is not some Al Gore made up phenomenon.

Robotics - We started a club at Ky's school and became involved in the First Lego League (FLL). It is a global competition that children from 1st through 12th grade can be involved in. I have wanted Ky to be in it for a while as he loves building robots and has since he was a toddler. Our coach is a aeronautical engineer who works for Lockheed Martin here in the metro Atlanta area. His son goes to our school and he and another parent were interested in starting a FLL club at our school but we didn't really have the money. The other parent is a teacher and went to an event at Georgia Tech and they hooked her up with a person who worked for Boeing (also here in the metro) who offered to sponsor us so we started a club for 4th graders only. The 1st-3rd FLL teams are considered the Junior FLL and do not compete. Boeing would not sponsor them so we are actually going to do some fund raising in order to get a team for 1st-3rd graders by the middle of the year.

Anyway, Ky is just loving it. It has been challenging though for me because we started later than the other teams so we scheduled two meetings per week, one on Saturday. Meetings are typically 3-4 hours long or more, mostly because the kids love working with the robots. As part of the competition the kids have to do a research project, a presentation regarding their project, and build and program a robot to do specific task. We also have a build a "board" for the robot to specifications provided by the FLL in order to have a space to practice the tasks.

Ky is going through a teenage-y what I call a "non-chalant" phase where he doesn't care about anything (having clean clothes, getting his chores done, putting on deorderant[he gets pretty stinky too!] or doing anything besides eating, watching TV on weekends, and drawing). He still cares about robotics though and it gets him excited. It has also surprised me that his coach thinks he some sort of natural at it as he figured out how to program tasks for the robot without help. And I think I have shared it with you ladies here but really we are not a big computer time family so many of the parents in our group were surprised that Ky is so good on computers and with technology period especially since I didn't even let him start playing with our PC until he was 7. He is 9 now. He is much more advanced than the kids in our group who already have their own laptops and iPads and iPhones.

I'm happy that he is having a good time with it and our coach wants to put him in another group at Georgia Tech that is for kids who are advanced in robotics/engineering. This group is one that encourages math/science/engineering in our local community and across the country, similar to FLL but more advanced. As many of you may know our country is severely lacking when it comes to science, mathematics, and technology training. We all know how to use technology but not many know how to program and create new technologies, not on the level of more emerging technology countries like India, China, Japan and others. So they are trying to get these kids heavily involved at GT from an early age (9 and up) and get them passionate about technology, math, and science. I am grateful that Ky can be involved. He is pretty nerdy (like his mother) and is not that interested in sports and such so I'm happy that he has robotics as his "team" and that it is educational and that he can hopefully gain some great skills from it that can benefit him if he choses to focus on technology as a career

Here is more info about the FLL. Our theme this year is called "The Food Factor" and is about food safety and preparation methods. We are doing our research on homemade bread and are going to trace each ingredient's route from origin to finished product. Ky has to research salt. He is not liking the research portion as much as the programming/robot portion but knows he will let down the team if he doesn't participate so is doing it anyway.

That sounds really interesting Erin, and something I would have been totally into when I was his age. I had an easier time with learning programming and such when I was a kid than I do now. The brain is a fascinating thing! Are you going to let him join the advanced engineer group?

There's a Lockheed Martin in Owego too Erin. :P

Yes, I think I'm going to go ahead and let him join the other group. There is a cost associated with that group though but the man who runs it has told me that he may be able to waive the charge for us. It is $40 per event and they have 3-4 events per month and even though that isn't all that expensive, I am doing some saving for our Disney trip and a few other things and don't think I will be able to pay $120-160 a month for the group.

I only recently heard that Lockheed was a national company. People talk about it so much down here as it is the perrenial company to work at in the aerospace field in many people's opinion.

We actually have discussed Lockheed and other companies like it on the political forum as many feel the president hasn't fully shut down the wars in the Middle East due to the impact it will have on these companies and the economy. I know anytime there is a hint that a certain plane that Lockheed makes here in Atlanta may be phased out, there is a big uproar. So many people don't seem to understand how many private companies depend on federal government money. Heck even my job is as we get money from HUD to operate.

Erin

The same thing happens here with the helicopters the Owego plant manufactures. They won the contract from another war-monger manufacturer in Connecticut (I think?). I remember that company actually tried to sue Lockheed Martin because of it.

They also manufactured really large sorting machines for the post office. My aunt worked on that and traveled all over the US and various territories building them. That was shut down a few years ago and many 100's of people lost their jobs-including my aunt. It does indeed have an impact on the communities.

I'm about to start reading the last 4 pages to catch up on what I missed over the weekend. I was sick all weekend with DH working, my parents are over on the other side of the bridge with my sister until Tues, so I was still full-time mommy despite my sore throat and fever. Barely slept. Last night I finally get a good solid 7+ hrs of sleep and I wake up this morning with a TWITCH in my right eye.

So I just wanted to tell you I'm catching up on you guys with a piece of scotch tape on my browbone. Because I always end up stroking it with my finger to stop the twitching, and I need my hands this morning.

That is all. :P