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I'm sorry Lydia. I can say that Rich & I have gone through cycles like that and they've come to an end. It can take a while but not necessarily years. It's not fun and I remember wondering the last time if it was going to end and if it was worth it to wait it out if it was something that was only going to occur again. Relationships are hard work, there's no two ways about it.
Don't know your situation L, but I agree with the below.
My DH and I have gone through probably 6 of these spells in the 12 years we have been together, some are longer than others but none have lasted more than I would say 10 months. This was the last rough spell that we had after Elle was born but that doesn't count the year I left him after Ky was born. DH doesn't do too well with new babies coming into the mix, hence why I don't want anymore. I don't think our marriage would survive another one.Quote:
Originally Posted by missychrissy
Erin
I know ours wouldn't. We nearly broke up when I was pregnant with Conner and I think I still hold on to some resentment from that time period.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ky'sMom
I think it's roughly every 2 years or so for us too Erin. I fear one day I might just get sick of the whole roller coaster and jump off...but then I also think that it would likely be similar with someone else and Rich really does have some great qualities that are hard to find.
Happy Monday guys.
I am just getting caught up and have a hectic week ahead, but I just wanted to chime in a little after the fact that I think you have to earn your right to casual pot use. I haven't done it in years and years and years, but I just think you have to know how to cope with reality on your own before you get to go altering it with psychoactive drugs. if only there were some test to take that let you know if you were ready. Lol.
On the topic of yard sale clothes and secondhand things in general, I have to say I have a real preference for them. I mean, I know it's nice to get something brand new off the rack or shelves, but I guess I approach the topic with a real conservation mindset. It's almost difficult for me to get something new knowing how many gently used items are out there a) at a fraction of the cost of new and b) that might end up in a landfill and c) that took some sort of toll on the environment to produce and get out on the store floor. I am not trying to bash anyone for enjoying something new because I "get" the pleasure of it, but I question the frequency with which we as a society blow through our possessions and discard them while hey might need just a tiny bit of effort to repair/upgrade and/or there's still much use/enjoyment that could come out of them. Fashion, especially, can be bad ecology in that it can make you want to turnover perfectly usable garments when they're still 99% good. And the same goes for household items. I take real pleasure in finding something durable and old like a 20'yr old cast iron pan.I'd be a total hypocrite to say you won't find a few "latest" things in our household, but 99.999% of our clothes have been given a 2nd chance by us. I also like the fact that something I own had a "story" before it got to me. Of course it helps to live in a big city where there's a critical mass of people discarding their almost new things. I imagine it'd be harder in a less populous setting.
I have similar feelings Myles. I think I'm worse about cars though. I would never buy a brand new one for all the reasons you listed, and I really struggle with even buying one that's a few years old. It's appalling to me to see all the cars that get taken to the shredder that are less than 10 years old. We're both high-mileage people and I don't think a car should ever be trashed till it's no longer safe. Rich's truck is nearly 363,000 miles on it and my car is over 164,000 and still going very strong. Mileage is NOT a reason to give up a car. People just want a different one and justify it that way to themselves, that's all.
Most my own clothes are 2nd hand and a lot of my kid's are as well, but I'm way worse about buying used cars and appliances-you know, the big stuff.
I was super-duper excited to find this re-use store near me for household goodies: http://fingerlakesreuse.org/ Ithaca is a very environmentally friendly city. Not only did we save mega cash on our hotwater heater, but it kept the one we bought out of the dump and made it so some manufacturer didn't have to build another one to replace a brand new one we would have bought from a store. We paid $100 for a 2-year-old 80 gallon tank and they're typically run 700-800 brand new.
Quote:
Originally Posted by demigraf
I get that perspective too. For me I NEVER find clothes second hand anyway...I'm just too hard to fit and the majority of the time I go in a store looking for new clothes, I leave empty handed. I don't throw clothes away until they are ratty....usually am buying new ones because I changed sizes again. When I lost all that weight after the surgery, I NEVER thought I would regain any so those I did donate knowing how hard it is to find really nice things in 4x or 5x sizes. Wish I would have kept some of the 3x's though! Well at least as I work on losing again I still have all the 2x and 1x things and will mostly need underthings.
I could see feeling differently if I was a common size with a body shape that was easy enough to fit.
Household things....I still like new. But again I don't throw things away much. I tend to buy good quality and really research things before deciding what to get. Plus I have a DH who cannot stand clutter so pretty much anything we buy we know we really need it, will really use it, and we have a space for it.
Course if something is still really nice....different story. Like my wedding/engagement rings are very old...they came from an estate sale. And after 11 years wearing them (at least the enagement part), I still just absolutely love them.
Or I like sentimental things. Like most of our xmas ornaments are fairly old but they were on my trees growing up.
Again I'm just the opposite. :P I had used cars as a teen but now I almost always buy brand new. Helps that we get a discount if we buy a certain brand as my dad is a retired autoworker. But I love the new car smell and getting exactly what I want. Plus my DH is not handy. We don't know how to do car repairs so anything that goes wrong, we have to pay someone else to fix. So I like that we have warranties on the cars....well at least mine still does. Currently have a 2001 PT Cruiser with just under 50K in miles and my car is a 2007 Dodge Caliber with under 40K miles. (can you tell we don't drive that much? :laugh: ). Both have been paid off for years. I would REALLY like a smaller SUV/Jeep. We get a good amount of snow where we live now and once it starts, we don't get warm enough for it to melt for months. I had a heck of a time seeing around snow banks last year and would love something taller. Plus when we think about doing road trips, we are fine now with what we have. But add in a baby and his/her things, not sure how it's going to fit.Quote:
Originally Posted by missychrissy
Ideally though, we will keep driving both cars until the Cruiser starts having repairs that are often and expensive. DH seems to think that he might be able to pay cash for the next car so it's likely to be quite a while. Took almost 2 years from when I wanted a new car last time and he finally agreed that the one I was driving was getting too expensive to repair. Instead I sold it to a guy who knew how to fix things and he was going to have it for his 16 yr old daughter....he liked that it was a big old heavy buick.
DH thinks he would like a Beetle for himself. :laugh:
We're back home! Hooray!
Just about everything I own is second hand. The only thing always excluded are underwear. I even have some secondhand nursing bras. I'm looking around my living room now and the only thing we bought new in this room is the wool rug on the floor. And that's because I found it in a 75% off already reduced prices sale. It has a small snag that we just keep on the underside.
The reasons for this are all the things that Myles said.
I could go for buying more used things but DH has a real problem with it especially with clothes and toys.
I feel very un-UU, because most of us are into reusing things to the extreme and we just aren't that way. We don't even recycle everything we could. I keep telling DH he can recycle magazines and junk mail and he just doesn't remember.
However we do run our cars into the ground. DH still has my first car, a '98 Corolla and I have an '03 Corolla. We're finally thinking of getting rid of the '98. It has a lot of problems and it's getting so that it's not worth keeping around. We barely need a 2nd car but we keep it around for emergencies.
Kate I'm a UU too and not that much into used things. I just do other things to help the environment like be energy efficient and recycle and probably next year will try a rain barrel. i don't think that you have to be a certain way to be a UU.
See those are things we don't even do that much. DH likes to run the ac all day and gripes at me if it's not on when he gets home. I guess it's cool that we have a vegetable garden? A whole bunch of tomatoes were ready when we got back and our pumpkins are growing!
What I like most about UUs is the acceptance and diversity but it seems like all of the ones I know are very socially aware, they're into the world issues and being earthy crunchy and some are a little over the top about it. I'm more like, I like it that they accept the lgbt community and that they teach a lot of valuable lessons to the kids rather than teaching the ways of one credo. I value my experiences as a UU preteen/teen and I would like Josh to experience that. But I'm not sure I quite fit in as an adult.
We could definitely stand to be more crunchy at our house. It's one of my goals in life.
Our neighbor and his church were over. omgoodness what an...adventure? First, they're not doing 5-7 like Jeff (our neighbor said). They didn't leave till nearly 9 o'clock! They got busy though and there were a ton of them! I didn't really know what to do and a 70-year-old woman ended up re-doing some of the scraping I had started. :shame: Then I was painting the drylock under my dh's workbench, bent over under that and showing my tramp stamp. I was too tired and my knees hurt too bad to really care, but I'm sure they're going to talk about how wonderful Rich is and what a wreck I am :lol: It's ok really. They were all very nice.
I tried hiding upstairs a couple times but there was someone at every window. :shock: They are also scraping/painting our window sills and of course building our chimney so even on the side that's 2 stories tall we had men looking it. It just put me on edge.
Oh-the best part is I forgot my text message notifier on my Blackberry is a cartoon-y voice saying "Hee hee haa haa, text message! Thank you Jesus!" That went off and one of the guys burst out laughing. :shame:
I'm going to hell. I just know it.
Lol, Chrissy! well, you'll have lots of company. :D
I made a new friend. Maybe even friends. I went to that homeschool/playgroup last week on friday and it went so well. There were only 3 families but they were all very welcoming. All three moms said to me at some point in the afternoon that they strive to be inclusive and non judgemental and I got the distinct feeling that there must be another homeschool group in the area that is very religious. I didn't ask though.
Anyway, one of the moms has 3 boys aged 3, 4, 6 and she came over with her sons today and is going to start bringing them to my daycare on a partime basis. They get along so wonderfully with Savana and Kai and actually all the kids at the park got along so well. Savana usually takes a long time to warm up to kids and is usually right by my side for so long that by the time she's ready to get to know kids, it's time to go. But not the case with this group. She jumped right in and all the kids were so sweet and they all hugged each other when they left! Savana and Kai sort of stood off during the hugging at the park and so all the other children just gave them a wave which I thought was very intuitive of them since they didn't know each other very well. But today when the boys left they each hugged both Savana and Kai and it was very sweet.
I'm excited to get to know everyone better and excited for my kids that we have found some families that have a lot in common with us (homeschooling, natural living, etc) and some kids our age to hang out with, especially as the other kids their age I care for are all going off to kindergarten this year.
I think what hooked Savana was when we arrived at the park I overheard one of the kids ask Savana what she wanted to be when she grew up and she said she was a nature girl and wanted to save endangered animals and start a club for people in the whole world who want to save nature. All the kids were like, "That is so COOL! I want to be in your club!" Savana was beaming. :wub: I have heard her say that in other groups of children, including in our daycare and the kids are like :eyebrow:. She even said on the way home that it was the first time kids ever got excited about her club. I was happy for her.
Good company. :angel:Quote:
Originally Posted by demigraf
I think that it's fine to do whatever you feel you can do. I basically run my AC all summer...and I keep it at 71 or 72. I just do not do heat well at all. Knowing this about me, what I did was try to build the house as energy efficient as possible and since I had to buy all new appliances anyway, I made sure that they were also energy efficient.Quote:
Originally Posted by daylilies
I know many at my church are very into the outdoors and nature. Doesn't mean that I don't belong just because I'm not. I like nature, I just don't really like being in it all that much.
I am so jealous of anyone with tomatoes. They are my absolute favorite food....and I have some little green ones but I think deer are messing with them. At least I had a success with the broccoli, gotten a couple of green bell peppers and like 7 or 8 cucumbers so far.
I wish that we could go to the same church. I like the acceptance part too and I like the liberal part. I like that the environment is important but I'm not as earth crunchy as many I know either.Quote:
Originally Posted by daylilies
LOL Chrissy!
Bridget that sounds so exciting for both you and the kids!
So excited you found a group of nice homeschoolers Bridget!! I considered homeschooling Ky for a while before he got accepted into his current school because I felt that teachers didn't appreciate what a great kid he was. I am so weird since it wasn't even about academics LOL. I was just like "they do not realize how special he is so I don't think they should get the pleasure of having him come to their school anymore!" Ky loves going to school though, because I "am harder than school" plus he loves his friends and drama club and drawing comics with his classmates. But it is so great you found an accepting community. I looked around here and most groups had some sort of agenda, either religious based or Afrocentric and even though I am black I don't like any sort of "centric" education since I feel that we are all connected and one culture is no more important than the other. It would have been worse being in one of those groups than a religious one IMO. Plus most of them are uber religious anyway and are vegans and I would get crazy stares for not being vegan LOL!
I also like used clothing but for myself I usually have to get new clothes. DH and the kids get 2nd hand stuff primarily but my boobs are something else and it takes me hours upon hours to find something that fits me. But I admit I buy clothes at dollar stores and people think I'm nuts for that. A store here called Maxway has a $5 dress sale every summer (it is coming up and I'm excited!). They sell dresses that can cover my boobs without making me look ridiculous. But for work clothes I do buy expensive new clothes because I am the first person seen in the office and I want to make sure I look presentable and a button is not about to burst from my blouse and knock someone's eye out.
I do run cars into the ground though and would probably never buy a new car unless I could buy it with cash and that's not going to happen any time soon. Though I do sometimes want to buy one just to help out the auto industry. I have a couple family members who work for Jeep in Toledo. They are one of the few places in Toledo where you can get a job that pays well and I would like to support the workers but I don't like paying car notes.
Erin
I am with you on find stuff to fit the boobs...I have DDD's myself. But the bigger problem is the rear...I'm like one size in my shoulders and like 1-2 sizes bigger in the hips/rear. It's something when I can find clothes that fit me right. Usually end up paying $50 per pair of pants. Boo.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ky'sMom
Go Jeep! My dad is retired from Chrysler so almost all in my family drive Dodge/Jeep/Chrysler cars. I look forward to when I can get myself a Jeep. :) Depending on the final adoption costs and if we can actually get assistance from work....we might be able to pay cash for the next one. Previously what we did was put down a good chunk (but not too much or the jack up interest rates) and pay it off in a year to 18 months. Before we did that to boost our credit scores but I think that we probably don't need that help anymore now that we are older and have the house.
I think that I'm probably kind of spoiled...which is funny considering half my childhood dad was laid off and the early years of marriage were very lean.
Been talking with DH tonight about girl names. We know a boy will be Theodore...that has been set in stone for years. We had a middle name...actually a choice between two but we are leaving middle names open so the birth family can give some input.
Girl names have been giving us some trouble though. We like longer formal names...nothing in the top 50 right now. Similar to our names of Jennifer and Anthony but have decent nicknames if we or they want to go there. So tonight's possibilities are Rebecca, Vanessa and Cassandra.
That group sounds great Bridget :hooray:
Ok, that thought has crossed my mind and in my dream of dreams I'd buy a brand new Dodge Challenger. You know, just to help the auto workers out. :winks: :laugh:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ky'sMom
Quote:
Originally Posted by missychrissy
That is a pretty hot car! My sister had talked about getting one of those but reality is that she wants gas mileage as a priority....and cannot afford the chevy volt. Dad and I want her to get a small SUV...right now she lives at home and drives a neon. So when it is nasty snow, Dad or the uncle that lives with them will bring her to work in one of their suv's. But she has been applying for different jobs and likely would move to a different city at some point....so we think that she should go for something a bit bigger and heavier that can handle the snow we get in WI and Minnesota where she's applying for jobs.
I get to go car shopping with her next time she visits....I like going to dealers and window shopping cars....so far on the list to check out is chevy equinox and gmc terrian. Sadly she doesn't car for any of the jeeps....though we might stop off there too.
I have always wanted a Mustang and I have promised myself one for my 45th birthday. I love how they brought back the old style body and I have been kind of drooling for one and even considered getting one recently as my van is still broken. I have a Dodge Caravan right now. I think I mentioned here that the mechanic broke my van. Unfortunately he broke the transmission I found out, so now I have to pay $1800 to get a new one and since I ransacked my auto account last month and there is nothing there except $200 I will have to wait until the middle of this month until I have enough money to get it fixed. We also have to pay to sue the mechanic who broke it as he promised if we found out what was wrong, he would fix it but once it was the transmission he backed out of that. Plus our new guy (a transmission specialist) said that it was indeed damaged due to the repair of the previous mechanic. We are going to have him rebuild the transmission to document exactly what was broken so we can take it to court and get the costs back for the repairs and for the expense I have had to incur due to him breaking my van. We had to rent a car to go on our vacation and I have to spend $60 extra dollars a week in gas due to driving DH's truck which is old and has horrible gas mileage. I probably put about $100 a week in the tank and we rarely even go outside of a 5 mile radius. I wish we had more convenient public transportation here. I am too impatient to wait a whole hour after work to get home when I can drive there in 10 minutes.
Erin
Oh man Erin. That crap chaps my hide like nothing else. Ugh.
I was just reading an article about a city in RI filing bankruptcy. One of the concessions they were asking the retirees was up to 50% reduction in their retirement, plus paying a large portion of their health care. :shock: I have little hope of any retirement or social security being around by the time we get there. It's really scary to me. I mean, I worked in civil service and one of the reasons was that while the pay wasn't great, there was a retirement that I felt I was working toward. What do you do when you're retired and your company decides they cannot/will not pay you what you worked 20+ years for?
I think that they just need to tax ALL income for SSI and not stop at what 108K. That would help that there. My employer has a pension BUT I'm not counting on it and also we have other accounts set up. So I took a class a few weeks ago and if I want to retire at 65 and guess that I will live until 90 and want an income of 50K a year for those 25 years of retirement....I will need 1.2 million in retirement. Yikes! And who knows if 50K will be enough...I just picked that because of easier math.
That is scary Chrissy :(
Jennifer I absolutely love tomatoes but I have a feeling I'm going to be sick of them by the end of the summer.
Bridget, that is so cool about your new friends. It's great when kids have similar interests.
I do have one church friend who I feel is not so fanatical about things but I guess we don't really hit it off or something because I'm always trying to do things with her and she just goes "Oh yeah that would be fun" and I never hear back again. I'm just not at the point where I'm going to push the issue anymore.
So I heard Ezekiel bread was good so I found some today and bought it, unaware that it had a Bible verse on the packaging. Now I feel like I need to bring it back LOL
I know DH is going to make fun of me for it later!