Oh no! :hugs: I'm so sorry. :(
Oh no! :hugs: I'm so sorry. :(
Oh no, I'm sorry :(
Myles, I am so sorry to hear that. :hugs:
I'll gladly send you some sunshine, though. It was up over 100 this weekend, I think up to 106. I'll shave about 10 degrees off that and send it to you.
We have both swamp coolers and a/c. The coolers are much cheaper to run but they don't work once the weather turns humid. Turns out we have a leak in the coolers. DH turned them off until he could get the water fixed but in the meantime we didn't want to turn the a/c on. Poor Nero was miserable and panting last night so today DH did switch over to the a/c. I don't like it because the a/c means we have to keep the doors and windows closed and the air feels stale. With the coolers you have to keep everything open. And, apparently the a/c in the front of the house isn't working at all. DH is going to try to fix the leak so we can switch back to the cooler but we'll have to get the a/c fixed (which means calling the repair guy) before the humidity comes. That should be late June or early July.
We had our annual disagreement about whether to keep the windows open or not during the day. I say it's better, if it's hotter outside, to keep the windows closed and shades down, but he says to keep the windows open so the air doesn't get stale. Yes, but it's HOT air.
You're actually right Kate. When it cools off in the evening, that's when you can open things up to get fresh air circulation.
Yes, I agree. With no cooler or a/c you want the windows closed in the heat of the day.
LOL that it is an annual disagreement.
I'm very glad that I quit my job. I found out today that once my cna class is over I am going to be a traveling fool until fall semester starts. :) idaho falls for a makeshift family reunion, alaska to see my bff, and missouri to see b's family.
Jealous ... I wish I was going to be traveling more.
Sounds like fun Ash!
We have window AC's upstairs and down but we try to limit their usage.
Myles, is this job ending as bad for you as it sounds? Or is this change=opportunity? Can I offer condolences and congratulations at the same time, or is it just condolences? And I hear you on the crappy weather. I wore all-black on Saturday and was reminded of my days in high school when I wore black and felt all pale and dramatic and wrote poetry, back before being goth was much of a trend (gah! I feel old!).
I'm happiest when the weather is between 74 and 82 degrees. I don't like extreme cold or extreme heat. That's one of the main reasons I moved to the Bay Area. Before I moved here, I made pro and con lists of the few places I had in mind to move. Austin, Seattle, and the Bay Area were my finalists. I am so glad I left Wyoming, and I am actually quite happy with my choice. There are some down sides about living here, but life's been good to me so far.
Bridget, I would take that as a compliment. It means that you are very down to earth and naturally good looking and thus don't need to take forever getting dolled up.
Ummm, I run the central air for weeks on end without opening the windows and the air isn't stale......it's actually much easier on Dh's allergies to have the house closed up.
Mandy, I saw my first swamp cooler when we were visiting my uncle in CA...he lives between Sacramento and Reno but not quite up in the mountains. I thought it was the strangest thing ever! I try everything to remove moisture from the house, not add more in!
Good point about the allergies! DH gets them wicked bad in the spring and summer.
Lydia, I have one thing going through my mind as a response to your post. Forgive me if it's overly technical but that's just the perspective I come from.
There are 3 basic "purposes" for communication that emerge in children by about 12 months or so and that underly all communication. I pay a lot of attention to the why and how of communication in my work, which we call pragmatics. It's pragmatics that I mostly work to teach, and in that way I am different that the majority of SLPs who work on grammar and speech sound production with more neurotypical individuals.
Getting to the point, the three core pragmatic purposes are, in ascending order of difficulty, behavioral regulation, social interaction, and joint attention. Again, all of these are present in toddlers. Behavior regulation is communicating to fulfill a specific need. I want juice, I want to play with that toy, I want a greenhouse, what have you. Social interaction is communication simply for the experience of interacting. Singing a nursery rhyme together counts as communicating for social interaction. So does sharing small talk or social chit chat. Joint attention is communicating about a shared experience, such as a baby pointing to an airplane in the sky and wanting to make sure you saw it as well. Or a married couple laughing about something that happened to them on vacation once.
I've had to teach all three of these aspects and usually behavioral regulation is easiest to teach, while joint attention is the hardest, with social interaction somewhere in the middle.
Honestly I think your husband is stuck on behavior regulation. What do I need to do to accomplish my goal of X, Y, and Z? He doesn't appear to be using the other, more abstract reasons to communicate. I know it's somewhat common for men to dislike chit chat, but they should be able to share a social experience with others.
Sorry if I'm preachy or overly technical, but my reaction to "communication has to have a specific goal" is that social interaction in and of itself is one of the three major pragmatic goals of communication. And they are all essential - it is joint attention, the most difficult to develop, that enables us to learn from one another and make progress as a species.
So sorry to hear about your position Myles. I too hope that this will be a great opportunity for you. But still, I know losing a job can be daunting if you need it financially.
I also get horrible allergies. Here in the SE we have horrible pollen counts, sometimes in the 4-5 thousand range, which I never thought was possible. I used to break out in hives if I went outside in April as there is usually a yellow-orange tinge to the air due to the pollen, you can actually see it and it is everywhere. I (shamefully) still have some in my van on the dashboard because I keep forgetting to wipe it off and it does bother me every morning.
We also get multiple days of 90+ temps every summer, which is why I hate it. It is just too much IMO and even though it doesn't bother me like it used to I would rather there be a week or 2 of 90s then some 80s at least. A couple years ago we had a string of about 20-30 days of 100+ temps and that set a record since we usually are between 92 and 98 for the about 3 months straight during summer.
I have been very fortunate to be surrounded by so many supportive and educated women, both in real life and in here. Thank you!
In my experience, people with very high IQs who have pragmatic difficulties are able to learn to strategically use the different forms of pragmatics, as you describe. This hits home for me, too, because my father is exactly like this. But the effort put into it does indicate a problem and something that comes naturally.
I think what needs to happen is that it needs to be made clear to him that the way he is expecting YOU to communicate is stilted an unnatural, and not healthy for you psychologically. He has to meet you halfway. He has to understand that if his marriage is important, he has to put equal effort into maintaining the social interaction and joint attention aspects. Honestly the social interaction is far more important in marriage than in a career. He has to understand that.
I have more thoughts, but DH is hungry and wants to eat. We can continue this later if you like.
You are absolutely brilliant, Mandy!
I'm still processing the job loss. I went to my dance class and jumped around and felt silly in a good way, so I'm glad I did that.
It's true, I do need the income because I basically support us, we are in debt from 2 years of me not working and a bunch of unexpected expenses last year, and I'm burned out on the job search process. This will be the 3rd time in less than a year, whereas my previous contracts were all 2 years or more. Also, despite my complaints, I like this job. My teammates are cool, my boss is nice. I liked the autonomy and, of course, loved working from home. Yesterday, I took a call while I was dyeing my hair.
But I'm sort of getting excited at at the concentration of time I'll have to spend again with Bodhi. And I'm eligible for unemployment again, which will at least keep us afloat, I think. I can't count on getting it 100%, though. They have a few strict requirements and my employer is actually out of state, so I don't know how that all plays out.
Anyway, we'll make it work, and I'll make the best of it. I guess I should just feel fortunate to have had this position for the 6 months I've had it.
Lydia, I'll send you a PM. You're welcome to go back and edit my posts if you feel self-conscious having too much out there.
Lydia, I have nothing to offer like Mandy has, but I do empathize. You amaze me because you've handled the whole thing in such a classy way. I can only imagine how difficult it can be at times for both of you. :hugs:
I confess the new manager at my "old" place of employment decided to put in her two week notice... 3 days after I was officially done....
Im pissed. Had I known she was going to do that I would have stayed on part time until CNA was done, and taken the manager position.
Oh, and Papa Murphys new Thai Chicken deLite pizza is DELISH
Myles, it sounds like you have a positive outlook on what the future holds for you and short term at least you get to spend more time with little dude and that outshines everything, doesn't it?
Ashley, that's crazy timing eh? But you have such a great summer planned with all of your travels and time off with the girls. For the best I think.
I had to call poison control tonight. For dbf. :eyeroll::eyeroll:
We were just settling in to do bedtime stories when I hear him yelling my name from the other room. At first I ignored him because I was hoping he'd then find his way to where I was but he continued to yell so I started coming down the hall asking him what he was hollering about and he's all, "CALL POISON CONTROL!!". I come into the kitchen and he's leaning over the sink. So I ask what's up and again with the frantic demands for me to call poison control because he...wait for it....took. a. bite. of. a. plant.
:laugh: I'm sorry. It wasn't funny at the time. He was frantically spitting into the sink telling me he was trying to tear a dead leaf and it wouldn't tear so he bit the stem. He's telling me his mouth is burning so bad he wants to die. So I'm on the phone with poison control and online at the same time trying to identify the plant and the man on the phone is telling me that while it will irritate the mouth, he'd have to eat like five leaves for any plant at all to actually hurt him. Meanwhile dbf is spitting so much out that he thinks he's foaming at the mouth and talking outloud about it but every time I ask him a question he suddenly can't speak because it hurts so much. The poison control guy asked to talk to him so I handed him the phone and he's all blurgutty flubberty. I told him to talk normal like he just did to me 30 seconds ago. He is just too much sometimes!
Oh, the dramatics around her I tell you! The poor kids were so scared while I kept telling them daddy was fine he was just scared because even grown men get scared sometimes. :winks:
After him and I were both laughing about him freaking out so bad and I told him he should try to maintain composure when the kids are around in situations like that because they get really scared. He said I had no idea how it felt on his tongue so I can't say that I would have been able to keep my cool.
I told him I maintained my composure while I gave birth to Sawyer so I wouldn't freak the kids out. That shut him up.:laugh:
:lol: OMG, Bridget! I am cracking up here! Such a drama queen!
Oh, I'm so glad I decided to log in at midnight. That story is hilarious, Bridget!
I once had to call poison control too because when Bodhi was 8 months old, he reached over from his bouncy chair and took a bite out of an epiphyllum plant. It was funny too, because we'd just introduced solids to him and I'd just been complaining to moms in my DD room that I just couldn't get him interested in eating. Hee. Anyway, I'm glad M is okay.
Ash - maybe they would consider you for the manager position anyway if you really want it?
You guys, I'm not doing so hot tonight. I'm feeling a little sorry for myself, I guess. I had called DH with the job news earlier in the day, and on my way home, I started getting angry again at my DH for depending on me financially. I began to wonder if there was anything he could say to make me feel better, and it was with that mindset - me doubtfully watchful of whether or not he could lift my spirits - that I walked in through the door. Bodhi was on the couch, so after saying hi to DH who was cooking at the time, I just sat down next to Bodhi, who absent-mindedly snuggled into me while he kept on doing what he was doing. DH sat on the opposite couch and asked me if I wanted to cry. I nodded that I did, and he told me to come over to him and have a cry. That was nice of him. Maybe he thought I was disappointed, and I am, but I don't think he realized the cry was also because I am just plain stressed out from the weight of having to take care of us moneywise. Heck, I was unhappy about it to begin with even before the prospect of unemployment. And as the night wore on, I was just ... I don't know ... waiting for him to say something that was take-charge and reassuring, and there was nothing he could tell me. The most hopeful and honest thing he could say about the situation was: "Don't worry. You'll find another job."
Maybe this is just wishful thinking, but I would have hoped to have married a man who could solve a problem by saying "Here's what I'm gonna do to make this better for us." It just never feels that way. It always feels like I'm the one leading us through crises and so I feel very alone at the moment.
Then when we got into bed, we talked about it again and the conversation didn't go so well. He just gave me more of his pep talk about how *I* was going to get us out of this mess. I snorted and said, "Uh, yeah, *I'll* take care of us". And in lame passive-aggressive fashion, I started crying and told him I wished I some sort of parental figure in my life who could step in and take care of me. I said it out of frustration, in response to being annoyed with his words. I knew I was telegraphing a criticism to him by saying that. He got the memo, and said "Well, I'm so sorry I can't take care of you through this. I guess starting a business was the wrong thing to do."
Now I feel guilty for making him feel bad about himself, I mean, it was like shooting fish in a barrel. I can't realistically expect him to suddenly become able to save the day, and I criticized him for it anyway. I should have handled that better. I guess, overall though, I'm still stunned by how our financial dynamic ended up this way. 3 tax returns ago, with him working as the chief of the studio down south, the two of us had the best year ever. It's not that I couldn't picture his fledgling business not doing well, it's just that I guess I envisioned that after a couple of net loss years, he'd mobilize to do something different to change his income picture. I never dreamed he'd accept such a huge income disparity lying down, that I'd ever hear him argue the case for retiring on MY efforts. Right now, I just don't see him with any ideas, no plan except to wait for more work to come in and to use the excuse that "my field just doesn't pay as much as yours."
I think I'm truly more disappointed at DH's inability to think and act to help us as a family than I am about ending another job contract. He's a sweet guy, but honestly, I wish I had more of a father figure to take care of me. (Don't get me started on my dad, who definitely has never been a strong leader.) DH wants to be that father figure, but in a superficial way.
As for everything you described about your financial situation and how your dh is in dealing with this enormously stressful time, he sounds exactly like my dh. I can absolutely relate to the frustration, anger, and resentment of not only being the primary breadwinner, but also the one that 'carries' the family and navigates through all the turmoil. I've so badly wanted 'someone' to take care of me, or tell me what to do, so many times it's not even funny. My heart goes out to you. I know that feeling too well.
In your dh's defense, and I'm sure you already know this, but it can take a few years before a business really takes off. Not that I've ever started my own business, so take my thoughts with a grain of salt if you will, but my feeling is that if there's any way possible for him to continue plugging along at it then he should. Providing, of course, that y'all are making it. Albeit, very stressfully. I know it's uncertain and it's easier said than done. I'm 100% positive I'd be wishing my dh were going to do something with more certainty in income if I were in your shoes, so I don't mean to minimize your feelings at all.
Hugs Myles :( I understand what you mean. I don't think I have very helpful advice but I wanted you to know I read it.
DH and I owned a business. It was tough and just as it was starting to make a profit we decided it was too much. Josh was a baby and DH was also working full time at Comcast. I had to cover a lot of hours at the business because he did not have reliable employees (they were his friends, who turned out to not really be his friends, but that's another story) which I resented and I just felt it was hurtful to our relationship.
Owning a business is tough. Maybe if he's stuck in a mindset that may not be right for making the best profit, you can help him see another perspective.