It's funny you should say that because I've been wondering if I'd fall in love with Rich now, if we were just meeting for the first time. I have no doubt I'd like him as a person-he's easy to like.
Originally Posted by daylilies
I know I've changed. Heck, I was 16 when we started going out and I'm nearly 35 now, so that's not surprising. We always had the same goals...the ultimate one being that when we retired we'd sell our house, buy a Class A motorhome and travel the US in it. Unfortunately, there's a lot of things between now and then that make me wonder if we'll get that far.
I agree, DH and I met when we were about 18-19 (I've lost count LOL). How can you not change between then and being in your 30's? I know I've changed. When I met DH I wanted to go to college forever and become a psychologist. Since I met him I went to school for massage therapy and then culinary, finally getting an associate's degree in culinary. Quite a far cry from psychology, eh?
You know, I don't usually take what celebrities say very seriously, but I was watching Oprah at the gym the other day and she had Jenny McCarthy who apparently was dating Jim Carrey but they broke up recently. She said she had learned all the lessons she could from him and then she was done. She said she knew it was over when it wasn't fun anymore. I know relationships are not fun sometimes but I can't get that out of my head. It's definitely not fun with DH anymore.
He can be charismatic when he wants to. I'm sad to say he's nicer to telemarketers on the phone than he usually is to me.
That is really sad. It is very easy to put all your effort into being polite to all the strangers in your life, the people you have to smile at and say "Have a nice day" to and then take out your frustrations on the people you feel like you can be yourself around--your loved ones. But dh and I have a pact that we should be MORE polite and respectful to each other, even if it's to the detriment of those strangers. It's worked out pretty well, though. I've been in my fair share of relationships when you smile at all the world and come home and kick the dog (metaphorically, of course).
Originally Posted by daylilies
Basically it means we don't socialize much because it's hard to be that polite all the time. :laugh:
Oh, and I'm not totally immune. I recently read The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work on my Kindle, which I liked because it claimed to be research-based. But really, what's working the most is that dh is in New Zealand and is missing me a ton and is sending me endearing little emails and notes and we're having uninterrupted conversations (albeit electronically) for the first time in months. And Soren is not crying in the background, at least not on his end.
Deployment has worked wonders for us! Nothing like "I miss you" emails and skype chats!
I love stories about absence making the heart grow fonder. I think it's beautiful.
In my case, absence did something entirely different but we all know that story.
I feel like a new woman today. I went to bed really early and slept wonderfully.
I made this garlic salve called goot last night to apply to Kai's infected mosquito bites (he's a picker) and hopefully knock out his cold. The smell around here is going to, well, probably make me hungry. :laugh:
Originally Posted by daylilies
I'm glad you got a nice rest Bridget. You really deserve it!
Originally Posted by bridgetwu75
Last night Rich had a few beers and instead of watching a movie with me, one he's wanted to see for a while I might add, he fell asleep early like he always does when he drinks. He always kisses me goodnight, but not last night. He woke up from his 'nap' and without saying a word went straight to bed. If this were an isolated occurrence, believe me I wouldn't be miffed. But it happens more and more and I really resent it. I do not want to spend all my evenings and weekends alone.
To add to it, he was supposed to remove our window air conditioner over a week ago but never did. It rained all day yesterday and I laid awake listening to rain drip on it. After a while, it was really irritating and I could not fall asleep because of it. So I decided to take it out of the window myself. It's not heavy, but of course it slipped away from me and crashed on the ground outside. I used that as another excuse to be mad at Rich :P
So what you guys are saying is I need a vacation? Sounds good to me!
We were going to take out our AC's, but it's been hot and muggy the last few days!
I'm sorry Rich has been difficult, Chrissy. It sucks to be ignored like that.
I'd love a sleep vacation. I'm just sayin'. :winks:
bridget - one time I brought home some thai food, and dh whipped up some stir-fry veggies to go with it cooked in GOOT he found in the fridge, soy sauce, sesame oil, red chili flakes & rice wine vinegar. They were surprisingly good! :laugh:
As for my DH, I'm at least *as* difficult to live with as he is. I struggle to be better about taking responsibility for my feelings of disappointment in him instead of making them his problem. See, in my mind, I didn't marry the "hot" guy, the "successful" guy, the "intellectual" guy, or the "witty" guy. I married the "nice" guy, who happened to have common sense and a lot of similar interests. So that's why I'm always double-galled when his angry, stubborn side starts to show, he says nonsensical things to defend himself and he's suddenly not the fair-minded guy I thought I married. But it's not exactly fair to blame him for not fitting into the story I like to tell myself about the guy I married, though, is it? I have legitimate beefs with him, but that's not one of them. DH is who he always was all along, plus, I'm partly to blame for his behavior towards me because I know I'm a demanding person to debate and put him on the defensive. I'm constantly working to adjust how I talk to him, and - even if it doesn't happen as often or as fast as I'd like it - DH does show that he's willing to grow and compromise.
I can tell myself all these things, and they keep me committed, but they don't necessarily make my husband any more likable to me. I wish I could like him a lot more than I do sometimes. The good thing about feeling committed is that sense that time is on your side when it comes to these kinds of conflicts.
I think absence definitely makes my DH's heart grow fonder. He's like a different man. He's been in a Hawaii for a month and he calls and texts throughout the day just to say hi and I love you. He never does that when he's here in AK at work. But I have to say, I'm still totally in love with him. I still thoroughly enjoy spending time with him, even if it's just sitting on the couch watching TV. I'd much rather have non-romantic DH around all the time than romantic DH who's always gone.
Oh! I should say that DH can be very thoughtful sometimes. He's not just a big jerk all the time. He lets me sleep in most of the time, he buys me wine on his way home, takes off with Josh sometimes on his days off so I have the house to myself for a bit, things like that. He comes up with really cool, creative anniversary, birthday and Christmas presents for me all the time.
I appreciate the little surprises but what I really value (and I don't remember if I've actually told him this or not) is the day to day interaction. I want to feel appreciated, respected and listened to on a daily basis.
I confess project runway broke my hear this week.
One of the designers on that show is gay and HIV positive. When he came out to his mom (as gay, not HIV+), she told he not to tell anybody else, and that she wouldn't tell anybody either. He has been HIV+ for 10yrs and still hasn't been able to tell his family.
Another male designer (who I think is the only straight male designer on the show right now) told a story about how when he was about 8 he was playing in a ballerina tutu. His mom ripped it off him, and then for some reason took his picture after. He was sitting there in a sweater and underwear trying not to cry for the picture (even though he has been crying when she took the skirt).
That stuff always breaks my heart too. :( I've actually cried for that college kid that jumped off the bridge after his roommate and that other girl streamed video online of him making out in his dorm.
Romance is nice to have every so often in marriage. Respect, compassion, kindness, and true friendship are an everyday requirement.
Oh, those stories make me sad too Chrissy :(
I agree with what Stacy said.
The only thing, really, that dbf does is pay the mortgage and provides for us pretty well in general. As far as doing thoughtful things...never really.
Funny story. I've been really bugging him to get an enclosed area in the back yard to keep the dog because as it it now we let him out the front where the kids play. He's not ever out there while I'm out with daycare kids but the point is he poops out there. And fall is coming so leaves are around and even though I clean up the dog poop every single day, I seem to miss a random turd and then one of the kids steps in it and it's nasty. So I've been biatching about that big time. Yesterday we go out, and as always I ask the kids to wait while I do a dog poop search. I'm standing in the yard with a rubber glove and plastic bag when dbf comes out and says, "Oh, I was just coming out to clean up the dog poop. Didn't even know you guys were out here." (Because me and 5 kids went outside totally quietly, right?) So he stands there, watches me pick up the poop and then says, "Do I even get a thank you for being nice enough to come out to help you out?"
"Thank you for watching me clean up the dog poop."
He didn't really talk to me for the rest of the day. Because that was so mean that I said that.:eyeroll: This is my life folks.
Totally, absolutely hurts my heart.
Originally Posted by missychrissy
Originally Posted by missychrissy
I can't get it out of my head. I'm feeling really affected by it, and I don't know why. I think because I have so many friends who I have watched struggle with coming out, and I just think about if it were one of them, and how awful the whole situation is. It's literally like all I can think about when my mind has idle time. I'm so angry.
So sad about that student...
Posting a funny conversation with one of my kids at work today (he's 10 years old and has Autism. He doesn't initiate many interactions). We were reading a story about a dog, and out of the blue he volunteered this gem:
Kid: Pineapple cake.
Me: Pineapple cake?
Kid: Flush pineapple cake.
Me: [Name], did you flush some pineapple cake?
Me: Did you not like the pineapple cake?
Kid: No. I flush pineapple cake. [Somebody - babysitter?] get mad.
Me (trying not to laugh): Next time, you can say, "No, thank you. I don't like pineapple cake."
Kid: No thank you. I don't like pineapple cake.
Then, as I moved on ... we've been working on facial expressions and were going over happy, sad, mad. When we got to "mad" I made a mad face and said "yuck! I don't want that pineapple cake!"
He totally broke down in giggles! It's so much fun when these kids find a way to get through to you!
ETA: Now I'm really hungry for pineapple upside down cake. Wonder if I can get my dad to make me some? His is the best!
I saw on the news at the gym today that a gay student at Johnson and Wales, where I went, hung himself :(
Funny story Gwenn :)
The kid's suicide makes me angry for so many reasons. Hatred. Bullying. Our Fed up culture, our Fed up values, our Fed up schools.
It only reinforces my desire to raise my children outside of every system we've created.
And omg I'm 38 weeks pregnant.:shock:
With all the DH/DBF conversation, I confess I know that in a few days I'm going to get really mad at my DH.
I started my new job about 3 weeks ago. Before I got the job DH never has done any housework at all really since we've lived in this house. We've lived here over 3 years. He worked 2 jobs most of the time and really I didn't mind doing all the chores but he never even helped even on weekends or when I was sick. Everything would just have to wait until I got to it.
He has told me numerous times that when I start back to work again (never mind that out of the 3 years we've lived here I did work at home for 2 years out of that) that he would do more chores. I am waiting for that to be fulfilled. DH doesn't work 2 jobs anymore since I got this job. I make more money than he doe annually now, unfortunately I also work more so I figured he would be willing to help out since I have worked about 5-10 hours more per week than he does.
I really don't want to ***** about housework and have already told him that he needs to step up in a nice way. He made a huge mess in my usually immaculately kept kitchen on Tuesday and really, even though it was petty, I refused to clean it up. He thinks just because he cooked, I should clean up his mess. I do the laundry, shopping for groceries, clean the living room, 3 bathrooms and mop all of these rooms twice per week usually, all this while I have been working 42-45 hours per week. He only works 37.5 hours per week. I get up with the kids, get them ready and leave before he even gets up in the morning, even though we have to be at work at the same time. He does pick them up in the evening but sometimes he doesn't even put Elle on the toilet when he comes home and she doesn't like telling anyone but me that she has to go to the toilet, which he knows. Even the daycare lady knows since I told her and she is smart enough to ask Elle if she has to go, if she does, Elle will tell you yes or no she just won't tell you outright. But anyway, most of the time when I come home she has peed on herself and really I just think it is laziness on his part. He could just put her on the toilet.
I think I may write him an email about it tonight because I don't want to wait for him to decide to help out. I'm not one of those people who thinks that you should ask adults to do things that they are suppose to do or is evident that should be done. I mean, no one tells me to get the kids up or give them breakfast or clean up or get groceries or wash clothes. Why should I have to tell another adult to do these things? He actually would do it if I told him to or "reminded" him to do it. For instance, last week he picked up Elle from daycare, yet didn't pay the lady for the next week. He was off of work the whole day and really I didn't like the fact that he couldn't just have Elle stay home with him all day since it wasn't a sick day or anything, he just took a day off because he wanted a day off and really since Elle is still getting used to daycare I thought it would be nice of him to let her have a day off as well for her birthday (both their birthdays were last weekend). But our daycare closes at 6 and I was suppose to work until 6 last Friday but had to leave early and rush over there to pay her so we wouldn't have a late fee. He said I should have reminded him. He picks her up everyday and knows what hours I work and what hours the daycare is open, so that is just some bull.
But anyway, I think I will be nice and just write an email to him and hope he decides to help out. I am not one of those people who will put up with someone being lazy and me having to do everything. I know it's crazy to even say it, but I would actually go and rent an apartment and move out, before I'd allow him to be a lazy ass and I'm the only one parenting or keeping up the house and working. That just irks me and even though I love him dearly and I can put up with his quirks and oddities and other behaviors that work my nerves, I can't deal with laziness.
Erin, it's okay to be pissed. It's also a transition time, so be pissed, but focus on solutions. DH and I have had to really define who does what when, or one of us ends up getting annoyed.
I have a suggestion, too. Whoever cooks SHOULD CLEAN. I don't mind cooking and cleaning, because I keep things "kept up on" while I'm cleaning. I hate cleaning up after DH, because he DOESN'T, so after dinner it looks like a bomb hit the kitchen. When he has to clean up after himself? Voila, it's almost immaculate by DINNER time. :P
Stacy, 38 weeks?!?!? You're kidding! That's almost how I felt when I got to be 38 weeks. I was so ready to be done, but also so not ready to have a baby in my house. I was so right!
ETA: Wait, I don't think that came out on screen the way that came out in my head. I mean, I am almost as shocked that you're at the end of your pregnancy as I was at mine. And then reminiscing about how I felt. That's what I meant.
It's been a long, hard day filled with overtime and not enough breaks for pumping. My typing fingers are not connected to my synapses.
ETA again: Although as I sit here and Soren is making cute little spitty noises up at me and the twins are asleep in their beds while visions of emus dance in their heads, everything seems totally worth it. :wub:
This is what I told him the other day. That I would rather clean up after myself, because like you, I clean up as I go along. DH will leave out everything and use every pot and pan in the house and spill things all over the place. Plus he takes an hour to cook something it would take me 30 minutes to cook.
Originally Posted by stash
But you are right about the transition. We really discussed in depth though the weeks before I began working about what would need to be done. So I didn't think he would be so hard headed about it. Every time I bring it up he gets all defensive and even told me that I should do all the chores because I'm "the woman" and women should do housework. I know he was joking but it really pissed me off and I got really mad at him about that. He knows that I am really not one to spew sexist remarks toward. But I didn't say too much about it and just said I didn't want to hear any crap like that again.
And Stash I forgot to say happy 38 weeks!!! Your pregnancy has gone by so fast to me. But I think all the pregnancies of APA ladies go fast, all except mine LOL. But of course I don't have to experience all the joys and tribulations of pregnancy along with you.
Hi duedes. I miss you.
I'm having a really hard time getting back into apa, even though I'm getting back into checking up on you all. After such a long break from posting, I have a mental block.
Lyds, your last post reminds me so much of so many things I've posted. I type something, and then look back and I think it looks way harsher than I meant it (even though I don't think it sounded that harsh, really), I then I edit and re-edit, but I usually end up not posting at all. Man, I really miss you guys.
Okay. I know its obvious, but I have had two glasses of wine. Keep me away from the phone or I'm going to drunk dial old friends or exes or something. 'elp.
I'm so glad you posted a new grown-up siggie picture! I was going to tell you the last time you checked in, but I didn't know when you'd be back! I think she's grown up almost a year since the last time I saw her! Not a toddler anymore!
Okay, I'm backing slowly away from the exclamation points. It's good to see you.
Yeah, I've only 'ad 'alf a glass of wine, and look at the mess I'm in!