was very fullfilling. It was re-inforcing all the emotions and tools I am lacking. I was so sad when I was in Wisconsin as I felt unable to reach the children at a heart level, even though I love them to pieces. These are my shortcomings and I am going to work on them very hard. There is still a very hurt child within me and I need to heal it before I can fully embrace others. So bear with me Bridget and I may yet be the grandmother the kids need. They do have my unconditional love now and that comforts me. Because they are so attached to you, everything I say and do is questioned by the kids. Because of my own insecurities I have problems with that and became quiet instead of speaking and interacting with the children. It's always "mom does it this way" or "mom says..." and while this is probably natural for many kids, I've not had the experience of it and need to find ways to work with it.
When I find I can't communicate with the kids I become quiet and sad and don't function well. Add a cold and headache to that and I actually change and stand by helplessly watching myself. That's my lesson to overcome and I am going to work on finding ways through this quagmire of emotions and feelings of rejections. Goes back to my very childhood I am sure