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Suja,I spent 10 days in Belize once. I HATE the photos because they were taken around the time I was around my absolute heaviest. Plus I took them all on slide film and had them processed as color prints because I was trying to be all artsy. But my photos of an eagle ray turned out to be super cool!
So, my child asked me just now if I had blood in my diaper! TMI, but I'm currently NOT wearing "diapers".
I would like to go to Nicaragua. Apparently it's what Costa Rica used to be like a decade ago. Not nearly as touristy, which is nice, although I talked to a guy who recently returned and he complained about a high bandit ratio in the population. I think he may have been an inexperienced traveler, though, because most of his examples weren't anything that would surprise me.
Josh has had many wild tantrums in stores. There was a phase when he was 2 or 3 where I actually refused to go shopping anywhere with him for a while. These days I try not to if I can help it or if I can get him to be interested in something there, like we have to pick out a card for grandpa's birthday or whatever.
I don't feel like I'm a pushover and neither is DH but I often feel like I have zero control over Josh. I've always wondered if that's normal or if I missed something big in the process of trying to get him to respect us and our wishes.
Hi, all. It's thread has been so busy and I've actually had work to do at work so I've been working and not sneaking onto APA. So much to catch up on I'm just starting fresh.
I will say my mom says my sister was the only one of us who ever had tantrums (not that I didn't cry or get upset but not full-on, kicking and screaming breakdowns). Mom never did anything differently and my sister has always been so much higher needs than my brother and I. Still is. Some kids do, and some don't.
Had a talk today at work with parents of a little guy who has undiagnosed autism - parents have absolutely no idea their son has anything other than a "speech delay" which is what they all say - but they were talking about dealing with their him having a breakdown in stores and everyone around them feeling the need to give them parenting advice. I just feel so strongly that it is so not okay to judge a parent and their handling of their children's tantrums. Sometimes, and especially with a child on the spectrum, talking is the worst thing you could possibly do. Backing off and giving them space while ensuring safety is the only way to handle it because the more you say, the worse it will get and well-intentioned passersby who want to give advice about what works with their typically developing kids does absolutely no one any good. And no one knows what is going on with someone else's child.
Now, I DO get judgmental about kids who poke the back of my chair in a restaurant while their parents are completely unaware that the situation is even happening. Totally different.
So much for my not commenting! LOL!
I'm so sorry about the alcohol... It ruins lives. It happened to my Grandparents, so while I don't have direct experience, it did prevent me from ever knowing my Grandfather. It's a tough choice you're making, but a good one.Quote:
Originally Posted by missychrissy
And thank you! Man... I know I came in here because this was the most active place on APA (and on my main haunts on the internet, for that matter...), but boy, you guys are ACTIVE! I think it will be fun chatting with you ladies and getting to know some of you better.
Hi! Hmm... Am I secular...? Technically, yes, but I have never given myself that label. I don't really think about it... I can summarize my beliefs with "human beings have a lot to learn". Yup, that about sums up the entirety of my belief system! And I would probably fully share in your skepticism and cynicism for organized religion.Quote:
Originally Posted by demigraf
I don't easily take offense to many things in general, but I'm not sure I'd take much offense towards anything religious! But thanks for thinking of me.
Hi Gretchen! Nice that I'm not the only newbie, and even nicer that my fellow newbie is someone I know!Quote:
Originally Posted by pepperlru
It's not dorky at all... I'm sorry there's something missing for you. I hope your husband is able to step up, but mine often does the same thing. It's like, if he can't fix it, he doesn't want to deal with it. It caused a very large fight when I miscarried and was having a hard time dealing with the loss, and he just didn't seem to care. He even admitted he got tired of me feeling upset... That's what set me off, when he said that me being upset wasn't fair to him. NO WAY!!
If you don't mind my asking... What is going? I hope you are ok!!
Oh man!! This sounds just like my husband. Especially the iPad thing (though his isn't actually an iPad...). I'm always telling him PAY REAL ATTENTION TO HER!! Luckily, he is getting better now that she's older (and maybe my lessons are sinking in with him...??)Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridget
And Maiya is just as much of an insomniac as I am, and hubby is not. So we have had many "discussions" over the fact that, when she CAN'T sleep, she is not just being stubborn and REFUSING to sleep. It's an actual inability.
And same with the "you're better at xyz". My favorite response to that is "Then obviously you need more practice, here ya go!!!!" He does that for a LOT of stuff, and I give him the same answer. Funny, he's not saying it as much any more...
I mean, he's a good man, and a good Dad, and getting better every day... But I do still get pretty frustrated with him for these things. So you have my sympathy!
I completely agree about male flirting versus female. I have a friend, female, that is a HUGE flirt with everyone. She's happily married, it's just in her personality. Very attentive to everyone, lots of eye contact, sincerely interested in you, touching, smiling... And gives gifts like CRAZY. But it's all innocent, and just who she is. If a guy did that, it would creep a lot of people out! ...or break a lot of hearts...Quote:
Originally Posted by demigraf
Thanks! Yup, I've been on APA quite a while. I actually should have something like 22,000 posts, but lost a ton when APA crashed... So I'm even more addicted than it appears, hah!Quote:
Originally Posted by AmeriBrit
Thank you! Happy to be here. Will try to keep up a little, at least... :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Suja
Quote:
Originally Posted by demigraf
Snow...? What's that stuff? Isn't that what people make to go skiing on up at Tahoe?? All right, I promise next time it snows in my backyard that I'll go dance naked in it...Quote:
Originally Posted by AmeriBrit
I must agree with this... I have an uncle who, well, let's just say he has a hard time being monogomous. I love him, but I definitely get the "little less kind" feelings towards him, especially when it comes up.Quote:
Originally Posted by missychrissy
Yes!! Huge pet peeve of mine, when people at restaurants let their kids run amock. I'm even more annoyed by it now that I have a kid. If she can't behave, I at least try to help her behave, and then we leave if we must. I know it's not easy, but come on, being a parent isn't meant to be easy!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Cosmosmom
Uh-oh, you're right, there are a bunch of us now! I agree, come move out with us. I can post pics of our gorgeous days, as we're hiking in the middle of no where, blue sky, short sleeves... Aren't you tempted??Quote:
Originally Posted by 3andMe
And yup, Maiya's birthday is in April, super casual at our local park, you're all invited!!! I'm all for a group camping trip. Let's do it!!
Hmm... You've seen Maiya's tantrums. They are not very common, but they do happen. And I guess at a park is considered public! So I can't say anything... Maiya's really amazing and a smart, easy kid... But she has melt downs, too!
I find that even with Maiya, I tend to take a more quiet approach. I just kind of let her get it out... And she's certainly not speech delayed!Quote:
Originally Posted by Gwenn
But, I really don't have to deal with much for her... This is the type of "tantrum" I deal with mostly now a days!
Maiya likes to pick out her own clothes now a days, and has quite a particular sense of fashion. When she couldn't find green socks to match with her green shirt, she was not a happy camper.
After declaring "I can't find ANY green socks!!", she plopped down on her stool, folded her arms, hunched her shoulders, ever so slowly and deliberately pushed the drawer closed with her foot, and, through narrowed eyes and lips, gave me a side ways look and said, quite adamantly...
"See? I think I might be pretty upset."
She cracks me up!!
That is hilarious!
Oh, and snow or no snow, we're big on naked dancing under the full moon around here. You have to be willing to try it if you're gonna post in here regularly! ;) . I have to leave the snow out because it's in the 80's here.
Hey, a full moon is a full moon, after all!!
Wow, nice, 80s??? I guess you're not jealous of our mid-60s! If you don't mind my asking... Whereabouts do you live? Need any house guests??? ; )
There is snow here, but it's also -5 outside, so you would freeze to death while dancing naked in about 3 minutes. brrrrr.
L, the wine tantrum cracked me up. DD always makes it a point to yell in the beer aisle, "mama, Don't forget, Daddy needs beer!!" She's made more than one person crack up laughing.
Welcome to the newbies :hi: I don't get a chance to post as much as I'd like, but Hi!
:comfort: That really made me feel so sad for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by pepperlru
I know that look! :winks:Quote:
Originally Posted by Cosmosmom
:laugh: Jesi used to call them 'diapers' too. lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Suja
Parenting is just hard. Period.Quote:
Originally Posted by daylilies
Those that can't ever be monogamous, I'm not at all kind about in my thoughts. Ever. My previous comment on the subject was more in regards to those that have a history of being monogamous, but then 'something' happens. It's generally unexpected and I don't think it's the deciding factor in that person's character. They shouldn't be judged by it....but, on one level I do because as I said previously, I can't think of them as truly good either. :P Kinda hypocritical of me, I know.Quote:
Originally Posted by Krystal5
Oh, and :hi:
I wasn't able to get on last night at all....y'all talk a lot!
Oh, and Myles, I did finally see the post about the surprise email from the boss's sister. I agree with the others, your response was perfect. Let us know!
Where the heck is Erin?
Erin!! Come back!
Yes, where IS Erin? We miss you sweetness!!!!
Erin has a life outside APA! How dare she? :pokey:
I messaged her on FB to check in and suggested to her that perhaps she may be busy building an addition on her house. You know Erin, I'm sure she's up to something. That woman cannot sit still. :)
I think I'm going through Erin withdrawal. I thought about her twice yesterday and had a dream about her last night.
Wait. Is that creepy?
I think Erin used to post a lot while at work and with the change in situtation with that, she said she might not be here as much.
Well it's snowing here but it's light outside and I'm at work so yeah, no naked dancing for me!
There was one time that DH was getting irritated with a kid in public but I quietly told him to give some slack...it was pretty obvious to me (but not him since he has NO kid experience at all)...that the kid had some kind of other issues.
I have to say that I think a good person can also be a cheater. Some people just don't belong being married. Though really I only care about a few people...of course my DH, my parents, my sister's girlfriend and if my MIL was seeing someone. Pretty much everyone else...their relationships are their business.
OMG I think I finally found a set of nursery furniture that was approved by DH. One of these weekends we will have to drive over to the twin cities and check it out in person to make sure the finish looks about like it does online.
It is going to be a long day I think. I wish I was at home with DH and his mom....we could watch movies, play games, scrapbook/make cards. She is leaving Sunday morning so time is pretty limited.
Jennifer, I find it so heartwarming when you talk about your MIL. It's so sweet that you have such a great relationship -- I can tell how much you genuinely love spending time with her. What a gift for both of you.
They're cancelling DD's school's after care program for "worsening weather conditions". Meaning, it's gonna start snowing at 2, and we expect 1" on the ground by tomorrow morning. It is totally and utterly ridiculous. We have dinner with a##hat client tonight; wish we could cancel that.
And I agree with what G said about Jennifer's relationship with MIL. It puts a smile on my face.
:laugh: That's hilarious!Quote:
Originally Posted by Suja
I :wub: Jennifer's relationship with her MIL as well. I often think, when I read some people's rants about their own MIL, that some day they too will be a mother-in-law, and what better way to show your children how you want to be treated by treating your own MIL with respect? Sure, there are some batsh!t crazy ones out there, but that's the exception and not the rule. People need to learn to take others on their own terms and accept them for who they are, not what they want them to be. Giving birth to a child doesn't grant us rights to dictate to everyone around us how to act or what they should say.
Thanks for the welcome and the well wishes, everyone!
What's going on with me healthwise, Janet, is a bit of a muddle, but I'll try to be succinct. I have an unexplained blood disorder with low platelets, very high MCV (the size of my red blood cells), and some other wonky blood counts. I've had lots of testing to try to figure out what's causing it, but my hematologist hasn't been able to find a diagnosis (which isn't too uncommon for blood problems). In the testing, we learned that I also have an inherited disease called hemochromatosis where my body stores too much iron. My iron levels are very high, which can cause serious damage to organs and joints, so I need to have them lowered. But it's tricky lowering them with the concomitant low platelets/marrow stress, because the usual treatment is phlebotomy (bloodletting). So I've been in limbo for a while, trying to find a good treatment and a doctor who wants to continue to try to find a cause so I can get better. I'm in the process of getting a consult at the UCSF hematology clinic now.
But guess what! The craziest thing happened yesterday -- and it's so bizarre that it happened on the day that I admitted to you all about my "caring doctor" fantasy. I'd talked to a close friend of mine about my health issues, and she emailed me yesterday to say that she happens to have some close friends who are hematologists... and one of them is one of the preeminent hematologists in the US. As in, covered in glory and awards, editor in chief of the medical journal Blood, and a researcher whose emphasis is on marrow dysfunction and low blood counts. She is a director at NIH in Bethesda, MD. My friend wrote me to say that this doctor had offered to consult with me at NIH for FREE and for me to stay at their house, if I could get to Maryland.
How unbelievable is that??? I was blown away. I couldn't tell dh about it without crying, I was so overwhelmed by their generosity.
BUT, there is one problem. Not insurmountable, but not small. I have a pathological, debilitating fear of flying. We're talking a bolt-from-the-plane-just-before-takeoff kind of phobia. I've taken meds to combat it (along with hypnotherapy, classes, you name it) and most times in my life I've been able to get over it enough to get where I need to go. But I'm in a different place right now. My anxiety is mostly under control, but I've had a lot of episodes of tachycardia (fast heartbeat) and palpitations since I've been sick. They think it's probably anxiety, but it could also be cardiac issues from the high iron. Recently after a CT scan, my heart rate jumped so high that I was rushed to the ER. It was not just scary for me, it was pretty darn scary for the medical personnel too, and that's what concerns me now. There's no way the meds I could take on a plane (any that would allow me to still be responsible for myself and alert enough to travel alone, anyway) could deal with that, and the thought of grounding a plane in Kansas or something because of my medical issues is awful. I know it probably sounds stupid if you've never dealt with really debilitating physical anxiety, but it's a pretty serious problem for me. And I hate that I am that way -- man, I've been fighting it my whole life! And the thought that I have this incredible opportunity but I'd just have to get myself all the way across the country to do it is killing me. Plus, of course, there's stuff like who would take care of the kids while I'm gone - we don't know how long I'd be there.
And, of course, I've already got the thing at UCSF on the go. So after talking about it last night, dh and I decided that I'll proceed with the UCSF consult, see what they have to say and who I can see there and when they can get me in -- and if that's not working out, we'll see if we can get me to NIH. But isn't it incredible that I received an offer like that, out of the blue, on the same day that I was whining about wanting a good doctor??
That's pretty awesome! I used to work at the NIH, and the people that work there are top notch. If you do manage to make it here, I would love to meet you. Bethesda is not far; 25 or 30 miles from where I currently live.Quote:
Originally Posted by pepperlru
Fear of flying truly does suck. My ex-SIL also has severe anxiety associated with flying (she has general anxiety issues as well), and it was horrific for her, flying to India (24-ish hours). I do hope that the UCSF hematologists can get to the bottom of this, so when you do fly here, it won't be to go see a doctor.
Goodness, Pepperlu, that is amazing and thanks for explaining your health issues. I was wondering too but didn't want to seem nosy. Is there any chance you could drive there? I know some may think that's crazy but I'm all about road trips. Dbf hates driving so it doesn't happen around here but I used to drive everywhere. It sounds like too good an opportunity to pass up. I'm sorry you are going through all of this.
So far we are flu free. I'm driving my kids crazy with all of these immune boosting supplements. I gave them a homeopathic remedy last night that Savana said tasted like rotten chocolate. lol I said isn't rotten chocolate better than no chocolate at all?
I have been texting the mom of the kids I care for and hers are very ill. Do you think it's unreasonable for me to ask that they stay home all next week? I know it will be a huge invonvenience for her but I have to protect my kids. She said her 4 year old was running 104 fever with tylenol.
Last night the kids were watching their friday night movie and dbf was playing with Sawyer while I tackled the kitchen and then he came in and said he had to make a phone call so could I keep Sawyer quiet. I am sure a look flickered across my face before I said yes because he asked me if I was annoyed. This is another habit of his to come to me while I am busy and with no regard at all to what I may be in the middle of, even when it is very obvious that I am busy, he will ask me to keep the kids quiet, or edit an email for him. So I told him that it should be easier when he's here but it's actually more work for me. He was mortified and angry that I would say such a thing. I tried explaining that I didn't mean I'd rather he was gone and I gave him some examples of situations that occur when he is here that I never have to deal with when he is gone. He stayed quiet and angry for awhile but then this morning he offered to take the kids with him to do an aquarium water change for a client so I thanked him for that. And now Sawyer is falling asleep at the boob so I am actually going to have an hour or 2 of total quiet time! I'm such a dork that the thing I can't wait to do it turn on npr. lol
Myles, speaking of Nicaragua, did you ever hear an English person say that word? Nick uh rag you uh. Makes me laugh every time.
I so would enjoy living in California with all you ladies. I think dh would like it, too. When we talk about living in the USA, he says he thinks he would be bored if we lived somewhere that he couldn't be in a band and play at bars. I cane imagine that we'll ever leave England any how.
Pep, I'm sorry to hear about your health issues and your fear of flying. I can't imagine what it must be like.
I think Erin has a lot going on right now, doesn't she?
We are thinking of putting both the boys together in the same bedroom tonight. Trav has been getting up numerous times throughout the night, so we asked him if he'd like Cash to be in the same room with him and he said yes. Wish us luck!
I'll type a bit more when I can log on to my laptop instead of trying to post from my phone.
Wow G that is a pretty great offer. Hopefully the consult you have locally will be good and you will not need to go to NIH. Sucks that it's on the other side of the country. Is there anyone who could at least fly over with you? But I will keep my fingers crossed that it will not come to that.
I do think that I got pretty lucky in my MIL. Good thing she is so reasonable because DH is her only kid and they are pretty close. Would have sucked for both of us if we couldn't get along. I do know that she has said that she remembers how her MIL's were (she's now had three of them LOL) and tries to behave how she wished they would have.
It really helps to stop problems if I deal with her myself and am direct. When we were first dating, DH said I said something and screwed it up and his mom got her feelings hurt. So I don't go through him anymore. And I am direct...as in, don't give the dogs food. And repeat it for a while until she finally stopped doing it. If something bugs me, easier to be direct than let it fester and turn into a huge deal. She knows I'm a PITA about somethings. Like food safety....I absolutely will NOT eat meat defrosted on the counter or pizza left out over night. Disgusting. And I did have to tell her to not bring perfume to my house anymore....I'm pretty sensitve to smells.
Really though the one big issue is she is a smoker. Of course we don't allow it in the house and she is ok with that. But in the winter, she tries to smoke outside but we do sort of allow it in the garage but don't like it. We did tell her that if she moves in with us, there will be no more smoking in the garage. It takes about a week after she is gone before the smell leaves. She's hoping to quit because it's much more expensive in WI than IN (she lives in a chicago burb close to IN and buys them there).
but yeah we do get along really well. MIL and DH have more issues than we do. They are a LOT alike. Even last night he was a bit crabby about the internet and phone going out and his mom teased a bit too much and he got hurt and said something like, oh just go home. So than she was hurt. OMFG. I just both of you get over it....it's NOT a hurt contest around here. It was fine shortly after that.
I'm in such an antsy phase right now. I swear if it wasn't for the fact that it's winter and roads are not great this weekend.....I would be trying to talk DH into going to the cities and going to babiesrus. If we had one in town, I would be there tomorrow. This is the worst thing about waiting...not knowing when. If I knew it would be say about nine months, it would be so much easier to wait. Or even if it was longer. That is one thing about international adoption...you go on a list and it's basically in order and you can check in and see how things are progressing and estimates of when. Domestic.....you never know. One couple we know had about 24 hours notice. The other had about two weeks. And they got their call the day after we had all gotten together and complained about the wait wondering if any of us would ever see a match. I don't want to scramble and get things together last minute. So maybe after my parents come up (don't know when yet...maybe in Feb or early March) and can use the guest room one last time, I will start to get the room ready.
B, I think all of next week might be unreasonable depending. What day did the last kid start symptoms? What the policy at work is we MUST stay home until we have been fever free for 24 hours. In addition, if it's been less than 7 days since the onset of symptoms, we also must wear a surgical mask the entire day. That is hospital policy as the last thing they want is us spreading flu to our patients who tend to get sick easier being that they are often sick or hurt in the first place.
The four year old broke out in fever wed afternoon. Last night she was running 104. I'm just worried the oldest one will and the middle one will be fever free and she will want to bring them but they could still be carrying the virus since it's still in their house, you know?
That sounds like an excellent plan, and wow what an offer. It makes my heart warm and fuzzy to hear of things like that. I hope you find solutions soon.Quote:
Originally Posted by pepperlru
Oh good grief! I find it astounding he doesn't realize what a burden of sorts, rather than a help, he is to you. I'm glad he took the kids. Yay for some down time!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridget
Jennifer, when I read about you shopping for baby furniture, it makes me want to give you a baby. :comfort: I hope this is your year.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cosmosmom
I agree with Jennifer. Generally, once they're fever free for 24 hours, they're no longer contagious and you wouldn't have anything to fear from them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cosmosmom
Some things are saying it is contagious 7 days from fever onset.
I would go off the CDC. http://www.cdc.gov/flu/about/disease/spread.htm