Secular Confessions

Oh no, Dana, I didn't think you were being critical of me. I just wanted to point out that I do understand how he feels sometimes and I can even say "he gets that from me" or "he gets that from DH" when I see him mirroring our behaviors. I guess I didn't expect him to act like a little adult so fast. LOL

Myles, thanks for the book rec. I may look for that on audiobook too. I have a hard time sticking with books. The only book I've blown through lately is the new NKOTB biography. :eyeroll:


Oh, remember how I was worried about telling mom I'm going to dad's for Thanksgiving? I did tell her, and I had a convenient excuse--dad just got his second shoulder cartilage replacement surgery and that was the reason he asked me to come help (I don't remember if I told you guys that). Mom totally understood and said she'd make other plans. She might come up the Saturday after, instead. I'm just relieved she wasn't upset about not being with me on Thanksgiving.

Myles of course you would stress about timing! heck knows I sure did back when I thought I could. We were about to start trying THAT week that DH lost his job. Of course that put an end to that. It wasn't until I started my current job and had been here long enough that I could take FMLA (so we waited six months) that we began to try again.

It is important to plan or at least try to plan it so the timing at mostly right. Even now DH still worries and stresses that we don't have enough money to have a baby. I kind of suspect it might end up being pretty hard on the marriage for us....I mean the puppy was a few rough months. But something that we don't know until we do it and we both want to do it. Especially me. I really think it would have been easier when we were 10 years younger....more energy and more flexible. I have definitely noticed the longer we are alone together the more set in routines we are and DH really dislikes change.

Had we gotten pg 6 years ago, I probably would have had two and be done right now. Instead I am pretty certain that we will be happiest being a family of 3 plus two furries. DH is an only and it's more than irritating enough for him to be telling the Molly to leave Cosmo alone and stop bugging her. I think it would probably drive him crazy dealing with siblings!

I'm glad that conversation went smoothly Kate.

I still haven't decided what I'm doing yet. I know it won't involve having dinner at Rich's...but then I can't really cook an entire dinner for just myself. Ugh. Maybe I'll buy a Hungry Man's Turkey dinner and call it good :)

Kate I'm glad that your mom was reasonable! We haven't decided holiday plans but being that I live 5-6 hours from everyone, it's basically just a hey I might come but going to see how the weather is being (I will drive down if it's snowing!) and if DH has to work or not. If we are staying home, I tell them they are always invited to come up. Sometimes we have company and sometimes it's just us. Also depends on if anyone is sick. Just a lot of big what ifs and no promises on holidays for us. The drive is definitely a good excuse though!

Oh yeah anything over a couple hours is just too much for me, especially when we have to make the trip there and back in the same day.

Chrissy, I wish you could fly over here and have Thanksgiving with us. I'm hoping we have our dining room all done and decorated by the time Turkey Day rolls around and I wish we had people to invite over.

I am posting and then running because it's quite busy right now, but I have to come back to talk to y'all about my class's field trip today. Lots of interesting things to share!

Well G can get carried away with his hugs, I have seen him hug his little girl friend and they will fall to the ground, laughing. The last time his head hit the sidewalk. The teacher doesn't want the touchyness to lead to someone being hurt. But like you I have my reservations about it. Like Erin mentioned I have told G that he should ask if the other person wants a hug. I also don't want to think he must hug some people. Like Aunt Bertha. I am telling ya, being a parent is hard! When I was telling dh about the teacher's notes, he said that is sad.

Mylah, I can understand why you question the timing of it all. My situation isn't the same but I think I have mentioned before I would love another child, but dh is 100% done done done. One big reason is that ds is so "easy" and dh is scared the next one will be not easy. Plus our age and money are big factors too. The first year of parenthood was definitely an adjustment. And we had an easy baby. I hope you find the right answer for you and your family.

Chrissy, is Jesi living with your? Well I guess all the kids are living with you now. So in one year she can get her GED?

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Originally Posted by raspberry

Chrissy, is Jesi living with your? Well I guess all the kids are living with you now. So in one year she can get her GED?

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No, she's not. And actually, since she was registered for 2 10th grade classes she may not be able to get her GED for 4 years. It's up to the school district she last attended to decide what class they consider her.

...and for those that aren't on my FB list, or might have missed it, Bobbie up and moved out without warning or note yesterday. I came home and her room was cleaned out. She did leave me 4 bags of her garbage to contend with.

Chrissy - :-S I'm sorry; I'm sure this is really hard for you. I know you guys have been fighting, but is it possible to see this as a good thing? She is 19, maybe it's time for the baby bird to stretch her wings. This may not be the way you'd prefer it to happen, but...well, it has to happen eventually, right?

It's ok, but I'm not hurt at all. She's on her own...and yes, it IS a good thing. She was still leaving the shower a mess and not doing things like changing the toilet paper roll when she was the one to use the last of it up. It was beyond aggravating and frankly, I'm glad I don't have to deal with that any more. I just sent her this message,

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Since you want to be on your own so bad that you don't think your parent's are worthy of so much of a note or anything, you're on your own for real now.

You have exactly 30 days from yesterday to get the cell phone in your name. If I have to pay an early termination fee to shut it off, I will use the $ I was gonna buy you a Christmas present with.

You have exactly 60 days from yesterday to get your own registration/insurance on your car. On December 16th I will have Dad pull the plates off it and turn them in to DMV. You can talk to Tim or Dad about how much registration is. I advise calling different insurance companies, and doing an online quote at Esurance.com to determine which will be the most affordable for you.

IF you decide you want/need to move back with me, I expect two weeks 'rent' paid up front first. Rent will be $35/week. Non-negotiable.

Welcome to adulthood.

Mom

ps And you need to get your garbage out of my apartment today. I will be home at 6.

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Yeah we don't drive down and back in one day. Usually we don't even do it for one overnight but make it a 2-3 night trip.

I am pretty sure that DH will be done done done with one. Though as of right now we have no plans of birth control after the adoption. He has said that if we adopt and than end up pg, after that he will go get fixed. I have also mentioned doing something once I hit 40.

Chrissy I did see that and am sorry that she's being so awful to you. I do think that some tough love sounds needed and that you are doing the right thing. She will realize one day how good she had it and realize that being totally responsible for yourself is a big deal.

Sounds very reasonable to me Chrissy.

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Originally Posted by Cosmosmom

Sounds very reasonable to me Chrissy.

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Oh, she'll tell anyone that'll listen that I'm trying to break her spirit and crush her down. That's been her theme for a year now whenever I tell her she needs to do the dishes she's dirtied during the day while I'm at work or be responsible in any way.

It sounds like she needs a dose of reality.

She does. And she's about to get it. She'll hate me for it, but there's nothing I can do about that except wait it out.

Chrissy - For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. I wouldn't have even put it out there about "if" she wants to move back in...although, to be honest, I probably would have put in a little warm fuzzy, even if I wasn't feeling it. (e.g. PS I love you and I know you'll make it just fine on your own.) Because even ridiculously annoying, selfish p.i.t.a. teenagers need to know that mommy loves them and believes in them. Even when they totally don't deserve it.

Yeah, I don't do that. When I mean business, I mean business. I don't remember my dad getting mushy with me either in these scenarios.

I didn't see your previous post about "breaking her spirit" before I posted. I don't know whether that changes my opinion or not. If I were in your position, I'd be feeling pretty pissed right now, though. I'd just be doing my best to hide it and make it look like I'm totally happy for *her* to get her "freedom" or whatever.

I don't see her, so there's nothing to hide. I'm certainly not going to rant about it or anything. But I will turn off her phone and turn in her plates if she doesn't comply. If she's nice, I'll be nice. But I'm not going to argue/debate/or let her try to guilt me. She's brought this all on herself. Now she can deal with it.

Oh I totally agree. I would not budge a single inch on any of that. 30 days, phone is off, and for Xmas, an envelope with the statement of ETF inside and "Merry Xmas" written across it sharpie, and not so much as a pot of lipgloss in addition. 60 days, no plates, and when she gets a ticket, *shoulder shrug*.

Jesi's next. I'm getting fed up with those two. I'm trying to think of a 'fair' plan with her. She has X time to get a job or in school or her phone is going off too. The only trouble is, I can't really afford TWO ETFs at once. :/

Do you think Jesi is capable of learning from Bobbie's mistakes? For example, if you let her see Bobbie get her phone turned off and say "you're next", will she then understand that you're serious and at least take action on that one thing?

I think it will make the two bond together in their 'mom is such a b!tch' attitude. No, she won't use it as an opportunity to learn anything.

You could just take her phone. "I pay for it. It's in my name. It's mine. May I suggest you get yourself down to BestBuy for a GoPhone?" Then drop the rate plan down as low as you can go without penalty and wait out the contract. She's going to blame you and think you're a b!tch either way.

I think your plan is more than reasonable Chrissy. I even think it nice of you that you are going to buy her Christmas presents. My mom or grandma would have NEVER bought me a present for Christmas at her age if I were doing the things she has been doing to you. So that is very generous.

And that you are giving her so much time to get everything done. It is too bad she doesn't realize what a caring mom you are right now.

Erin

Don't you get it? I'm a mean person who's only trying to crush her spirit and destroy her! :laugh: I swear that's what she says all the time. And this is the most stern tone I've taken with her, with the exception of the night she said the car we gave her was a piece of sh!t and she shouldn't have to buy parts for it AND that I didn't deserve to do anything for myself ever because I'm the one that chose to have kids. Yeah, that night I screamed at her.

I don't know really anything about cell phones but Dana's sounds like a good plan.

And Chrissy you are being more than generous in giving her time to get the phone and plates and all that done. I really think that my mom would have cut me no slack there and it would have been pretty immediate.

I don't want her to lose her job. They're hard enough to come by.

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Originally Posted by missychrissy

I don't want her to lose her job. They're hard enough to come by.

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Of course you don't! We all you aren't a mean evil person trying to ruin her life and crush her spirit. It's obvious to us all you want is for the kids to be happy and make it ok in the world.
Someday she will realize how much harder she made things for herself and that you were right and she was wrong.