Secular Confessions

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Originally Posted by Ky'sMom

Wanted to mention I also don't even like the label "traditional." What really constitutes that? When I came to APA I remember all the Trad vs AP stuff and honestly a lot of the AP stuff is more "traditional" in nature, like BFing and co-sleeping and such, people have done this stuff forever!

The only difference is all the "child centered" references that people made in those arguments in regards to AP IMO. I am not a big child led proponent, since like I said I think children are oftentimes irratonal. They are not mature enough to know what to do all the time. They over-react a lot. I feel like they need some space in order to work things out (hence the ignoring) and learn to self-discipline. I also don't think that the children are the most important part of a family. Each family member is important so I am more of a "family centered" person.
Erin

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Yes Erin, that is more what I meant! I never heard of tradition vs ap until I came here either.

It's funny because in so many ways I consider very very liberal.....but am also fairly old-fashioned in many ways.

My mom said that her aunt once told her that you have to be care to not have a child centered home because the kids grow up quickly and leave you....but the husband you are stuck with.
Ok so really you aren't ever "stuck" with the husband but hopefully that is the case. Mom must have listened as this year will be 38 years for them being married.

I would have to say that my house was very child friendly but not child centered. Family centered is such a great way of saying it!

Oh B is so cute Myles with his "otherwise" LOL!!

And I agree that 3 year olds can be very rational. Honestly, Elle is more rational than Ky at times. She is very laid back and rarely ever tantrums (I cannot even remember the last time she tantrumed). She is amazing to me in terms of 3 year olds. Sometimes I forget she is the age she is and most people who talk to her don't think she is only 3.

But she really is still a baby learning about the world IMO and she is very immature and she is overly silly and doesn't see the reason behind certain things, which is why I don't go into detailed discussions with her. We have rules and we talk about why we have our rules if she asks and rarely do we talk about them in the heat of the moment, like her trying to break a rule, even with the talking back rule, we will discuss it later as when she is worked up, like most people, you cannot easily get through to her. Ky is the same still but not to the extent that she is and he rarely gets worked up anymore since he knows the rules.

He has even asked me to bend rules for him as he is getting older (one is not to eat outside of the kitchen and we have been discussing this recently). We both will lay out our arguments and if his is compelling and I feel it warrants a change, I will change it. He didn't win with the food argument since he is messy and gets food all over the place. He agreed he may have to wait a little while longer and he even mentioned my older 14 year old nephew who was not allowed to eat food out of the kitchen until this year, at age 14 due to always making a mess like Ky does right now.

Erin

When I said "traditional" I didn't mean it in the "traditional vs AP" sense. I meant more in the sense of "what I have always seen done" or "what seems to have been the norm for the last century or so".

:hi: Secular Ladies!

I've been reading a bit but it's really hard to catch up with all you prolific heathens. I've been at home bonding and loving my new baby boy :wub: and trying to get over pretty miserable birth experience. I went in to have fluid levels checked and they decided based on one heart decel I needed to be induced. I originally refused but after some well-honed scare tactics I relented and it went from bad to worse. I ended up with an "emergency" c-section (though I'm not sure if there was any actual emergency. Then recovery... I was allergic to the steri strips and narcotics, which gave me bisters all over my abdomen and itchiness/hives all over everything for over a week. Misery. I am more convinced than ever that doctors push unecessary c-sections for their own benefit (primarily to create a "controlled" environment over a natural event) without any concern for the mother's body/recovery.

And poor Abbey. She was terrified and it was hard to shield her from how badly I was hurting afterwards. She loves her baby though, and gives him kisses and hugs every chance she gets. :)

Huge hugs to Chrissy... I'm so sorry about Bobbie. :( Hoping to catch up soon!

:wub: I'm glad you're bonding with your baby boy! Can't wait to see and hear more about him!

Bobbie is doing ok. She's been staying busy. I'm very concerned that she's been taking Paxil for a number of weeks and that's one of the antidepressants that's known to trigger suicidal thoughts...and they're keeping her on it! wtf? I need to talk to her about that. She's 19 so it's not like I can just call her provider. I don't think her provider would listen to me anyway. I had a 2nd cousin shoot himself in the head when he was 19 and on Paxil. His mother had even called the dr's office to say he was getting worse and they wouldn't talk to her because he was an adult. This is really freaking me out.

Cramer had his pins removed today. His wing is droopy and we need to do physical therapy. Unfortunately, the student was very nervous to even speak to me and she only told me how to maneuver his wing. She didn't demonstrate. I've never pulled on his wings, so I don't really know what I'm doing and I don't want to hurt him. I tried it with his good wing and he yanked it away and looked at me like 'wtf?' Ugh.

After that was over, I left him with my former boss in my old office because my new office wouldn't allow him in. We had a 'retreat' today. 11 miles away from our office at a lake park (that stunk to high heaven). We were supposed to 'bond' or some crap like that. I was miserable because I didn't have any coffee all day, so I had a migraine and felt sick. Thankfully it was over at 3 so I went back to campus, grabbed my bird, and came home and passed out on my couch. I missed my night with Conner though and I'm ready to cry about it. I tried calling him so I could talk to him but Rich must be busy. I'll have him for the entire weekend starting tomorrow evening. I miss my cuddlebug.

After our blow-up last Sunday, I demanded set times to visit with Conner because that's what started the whole thing off with Rich last Sunday. I took him home at 4, which I thought was a reasonable time, but apparently Rich felt otherwise. :eyeroll: He acted like I was dumping Conner off on him or something. Syd still isn't really speaking to me. At least she's not coming here to visit...she'll talk if she sees me there or at her grandmothers. :(

Erin basically said everything I feel about the subject, except I suspect she is much more chill and confident about what she's doing than I'll ever be. Right now, we're in the middle of screaming fits ALL THE TIME. My nerves are shot, i have no patience left, and I'm not bothering to explain to her the same rules that she's lived with forever, ones we've talked about previously. So, we're left with consequences. One of her toys is sitting in a trash bag even as we type. I'll probably stick it in the basement after she goes to bed.

Suja, that reminds me of the time Bodhi threw his Thomas train into a public trash can when we were out on a walk. We fished it out when he wasn't looking, but allowed him to think it was gone for good. This was over a year ago. He cried tragically, and I felt so bad for him, but he hasn't done that again. Another time, we were out for a walk and he left 2 of his little trucks under a tree. This time, we really got too far away from the tree (a half-mile, maybe?) and it had gotten dark, so I had to refuse to go back for them. It still helps to remind him about his lost trucks and the importance of caring for your things. So I agree; it does make a difference for kids to really feel those consequences.

Are you going to return Mira's toy eventually? We are still discussing how to let Thomas make a comeback. I'm sorry about the screaming fits, though. I do think it will get easier for you as Mira develops a bigger vocabulary.

Molly!!! I love the thought of Abbey showering Micah with love. You know me; I always want to see pictures. :D

I took the afternoon off and took Bodhi to the Cal Academy of Sciences, where we met up with Little Nyah Nyah and his mommy. We only had a short while, so we spent all of it in the aquarium exhibits. We had the best time. Bodhi and Little NN played so nicely together, and his mommy seems to be doing much better since the last we spoke. We even managed to take the boys to dinner at a sit-down restaurant. I just want to give Bodhi a shout-out because he was such a good little boy today. He was cooperative, undemanding, and shared so well with Little NN, who by the way, is past the nyah-nyah phase, I think. A good time was had by all.

I have to just share this one anecdote with you about B. He does this thing he started awhile back; he snaps his jaws near your cheek and makes a munching sound. The first time he did it, I said, "What was that?". And he replied, "I gave you a bite-kiss!". So that's how he shows his affection to me, by pretending to take a big bite out of my cheek. The other day, we were just sitting at the kitchen table. I was getting some work done on my laptop, and he was coloring. It was really quiet. Out of the blue, he lifted his head, leaned over and gave me a great big air-chomp by my face. Then he went back to his coloring without saying a word. Oh my god, my heart just melted. That's a mommy moment I'll never forget.

:wub:

Chrissy, that's so sad that Rich acted like it was a hassle that you brought C home at that time. Hope C didn't get the vibe from his dad that it was a drag to have him home. I hope Syd comes to stop blaming you. She probably needs to see you and Rich come to a peace accord to help her process all the negativity she's lashing out at you with. How's Bobbie?

Bridget, btw, sorry for your nephew and your MiL's weird concern about his itinerary to WI. I hope he gets the help he needs. I personally never contemplated suicide and didn't grow up around anyone who had. I did date one guy who always seemed to have it on his mind - the ex-Jehovah's witness turned Ayn Rand-loving polyamorous Objectivist who had a litany of personal issues. So even then I never thought of suicide as something commonly thought about by the status quo. I did go to Catholic school, though, and it IS considered a sin, so that could have colored my views on it. I remember a priest giving a fire and brimstone sermon on suicide, describing it as a "selfish and weak" escape that would only result in eternal dang-nation, so that probably framed the topic for me and all my peers.

How are you feeling about your childcare career today, Bridget?

Bodhi is a sweetheart.

Thanks for asking, M. It's been a long week. The family actually wants me to keep caring for the girls until school starts but I am saying no. This week I made it work by havingg one of my long time families find alternative care for their 8 year old. I could do it another week by having Savana or Kai stay with dbf but they wiil start school in a few weeks and I will miss them so much. Plus they won't actually want to do that so it will have to be forced. I'm saying no. I have to keep repeating that so I don't end up saying yes. All in all, I do think I'm getting burnt out a little but when school starts I will have a very different schedule so hopefully that will refresh me.

Interesting about the catholic upbrining in regards to suicide. Same here. Maybe that's why i never allowed myself to seriously consider it. I keep looking at my kids' faces and thinking about how I'd feel if one of them told me that.

Molly i am SO happy to hear from you. I'm sorry to hear about your traumatic birth experience. Your boy is beautiful!

And Suja, I am curious as to what makes her toys get thrown in the garbage. Are they gone forever then? Not that this is you at all but it just makes me think of dbf getting mad at the kids for kicking his seat while he is driving and telling them if they do it one more time they will lose every toy they own. lol Oh and by the way I am in total denial of Sawyer ever going through the very difficult stage that occurs between and during the ages of 2 and 3 and sometimes part of 4. I'm turning a blind eye to the fact that he already screeches if I try to give him a plastic cup when clearly a child at the ripe old age of 18 months should drink out of a glass like the rest of the family. And how I dare I put him in his booster seat for god's sake. He should sit on the bench like the rest of the children.

Oh Suja, M is so young still. Elle, with her laid back self, went through a screaming/screeching phase for almost a year and that is still the thing we work with her the most on. They have VERY short memories and do need reminding about the rules fifty-million-umpteenth-zillion times. One day though, for Ky at least, it was a magical day and he just stopped (snaps fingers) just like that. It had gotten progressively better over the years but I vividly remember what I call "the battle years." His started at 18 months and went through 4 years. By the time he was almost 4 though he was much better but would still throw a fit every freaking day about going to bed. I did have to take all his toys and once even his bed because he had a toddler bed and would flip it around the room. DH has always been confused about whether he thinks I'm a harda$$ mom or a wimpy mom but when I took Ky's bed he thought I was borderline abusive since Ky had to sleep on the floor for a week. But after that his freak outs about bedtime did not consist of throwing around toys or furniture and I didn't give it back to him until he apologized for throwing the bed and being destructive and letting him know that if he threw it again he would be sleeping on the floor for a year. And unlike your DBF Bridget (LOL at him for saying he would throw away EVERY toy they own!) I would have followed through and he would have been a floor sleeping preschooler.

FWIW, Ky does remember when he had to sleep on the floor in a bare room (no toys as I put them in a garbage bag and gave away half of them, and I took his dresser out of his room too because he would rock it back and forth and even though it was anchored to the wall, it would move some and I was afraid he'd pull it off so he had nothing in his room but a blanket and pillow) due to being destructive. I asked him why he used to do that and he said that he wanted to stay up later and if he did that sometimes he got to stay up later because we'd have to come in and pick things up. He didn't do that every night but probably once or twice a month he'd destroy his room and I was sick of dealing with it. That particular night he broke a window in his room due to throwing around toys and it was a rental house so we had to pay for a new window. If he hadn't been such a sweetheart during the day I would have thought something was wrong with him and I honestly did think that maybe he had something off about him because of his craziness around bedtimes sometimes.

Elle is a complete opposite of him. Especially with bedtime. DH even mentioned it recently how when he takes her to bed and reads her a story and says "see you later alligator" (what she HAS to have said every night) that she will just lay down and say "night night" and after you close the door she will say "mommy/daddy, I'm thirsty" and we remind her she already had a drink and she will say "okay" then say "goodnightgoodnightgoodnight" about 5 times and then she will go to sleep. This is every night for her. No throwing or screaming or anything. I used to think she was a weirdo lol! But I'm happy that she is because I really didn't want to battle again for 3 years like I did with Ky and the battle was mostly me maintaining my composure and not screaming at him and being a fire-breathing dragon mother because believe me I did want to go there!

Erin

Bobbie is doing ok. She's supposed to meet with her NP this morning and I hope she takes her off Paxil. I suggested Bobbie bring that up and ask if that could have contributed to her suicidal ideation. I'm pretty sure that it did. Not that she doesn't have other stressors that could have brought her to that brink...but still. It's a known side effect so since she's gotten there I think it's best if they take her off it just in case.

Bodhi is SO sweet, Myles. I cracked up at your description of the guy you dated. "ex-Jehovah's witness turned Ayn Rand-loving polyamorous Objectivist" = Pretty Screwed Up. I can't say that I've contemplated suicide as a teen, but I've had what would be considered suicide ideation, I suppose. Sometimes, if I felt that I had been wronged/unfairly treated, I'd picture myself dead (just dead, not through suicide), and my parents crying over how they treated me so unfairly, and how they wished they could have me back so they could apologize, and of course, my spirit is hovering over the whole scene, completely gratified that my parents have finally seen the light.

As for Mira, the rule in the house has always been this. If you leave your stuff lying around, they may get thrown out when mommy is cleaning up. That goes for shoes, toys and books. She has been exceedingly diligent about putting things back where they belong, and would even say 'Mommy, don't tell me.' when I open my mouth to remind her. Of late, that's changed, and it's partly my fault because I wasn't on top of it from the get-go. I've let her leave her sandals out, for instance. Whereas before, I could ask her to pick things up when I notice, and she would comply, she has now started saying 'NO!' and either ignoring me or throwing whatever I've asked her to pick up. And screaming when there are consequences to that. Or going to her cubby to look for stuff and start screaming when she can't find things because she didn't put them away. Yesterday, she was working with her vegetables (velcro ones, that she can "cut"). I asked her nicely and repeatedly to put it away since she was done, and she was just rolling around, stalling, not listening, and finally, flat out said 'NO!'. I told her that since she can't take care of her things, we'll give them to someone that can. My plan for now is to give it to her class after she's moved on to the next class. It is plastic, so I don't know if they'd want it, but I'll ask. Otherwise, I'll donate it to someone. Either way, she's not getting it back.

After this, she started to give me a hard time in the tub during her bath, and I started picking up her toys. She asked me what I was doing, to which I told her that having toys is a privilege and if she cannot be nice and polite, then I'll give them to someone else. Stopped her right in her tracks, and we haven't had a single screaming fit since. I'm sure we'll resume this evening, but at least she knows I'm serious. And yes, I've told her that each time she acts this way, she is going to lose more toys until she has nothing left. A bunch of toys I ordered got delivered yesterday, and I was planning to give some to her, including some new tub toys, but they've all been put away until I see how this plays out, long-term.

Bedtime has always been a battle, but that has gotten significantly worse as well. Kicking, screaming, head butting. It came to a head a few days ago, when she punched me in the face. So, I now leave her any time she starts misbehaving at all, and not cooperating in terms of sleeping. She can go to sleep when she's good and ready, and I'm just not going to raise my blood pressure over it. The consequence of it is that she gets less sleep than she needs to and is tired in school, but she knows it's a result of her not sleeping at night, and at least last night, did not put up a fuss at all.

Chrissy, so happy to hear Bobbie is feeling better. It makes sense to take her off the Paxil but does it cause any drastic side effects from stopping abruptly? Or will she have to be weaned off of it? I have also read that suicidal thoughts are a common side effect when on anti-depressants, especially for kids, teens and young adults. I hope there is something else they can do for her as I know she is probably going through a lot emotionally. Will she let you tag along on her appointment? So you can ask some questions she probably wouldn't think to ask. That would probably be best but I'm not sure if she'd let you and I know you can't without her agreeing to it.

Erin

How long has Bobbie been on Paxil? Quitting it abruptly can be really awful, so weaning is better. A lot of the SSRIs can cause suicidal thoughts. I've heard it explained that it actually can be because the psychomotor/motivation improves before the depression does, so people who are really depressed can start taking SSRIs and even though they're still really depressed, they are now at least able to get off the couch or out of their dark room or out of their brain fog (I've had all three) and get organized and able to do things. At this point, they start thinking that since they're feeling so awful, suicide might be one of the possible options, and they can develop and follow through on a plan. Eventually the anti-depressant properties start kicking in, but only after the motivation part has been active for a while.

I have had a very shrieky day, too. R. spent a good five minutes early this morning berating me and then crying because I haven't made cinnamon rolls in a "really really long time! Why haven't you, Mommy? You know I love them, so why don't you make them right now? I don't understand why you don't do these things that I love. Do you WANT to make me unhappy?" Even after I explained that they take a very long time to make because the dough has to rise and we were going to the Cal Academy of Sciences today (missed Mylah and Bodhi by one day) and he loved THAT, and the two were incompatible and I would make him pancakes with four different fruits instead, he still cried at me.

And then S. has been crying and screaming over everything too. I wouldn't let him cut his fingernails by himself. And when I tried to just say we'd do it another time if he wouldn't let me do it (either with his help or by myself, but certainly not him alone), he flung himself down on the floor and screamed. Multiply that times everything today. I was about ready to scream myself by the time we left the house. I cannot believe how much my children were yelling and crying at me today.

On the other hand, some people at lunch were commenting a table away on how nicely behaved my children were, and how well S. was eating with a fork. And then someone scowled at S. for talking during the earthquake movie. I told him he should be quiet and he yelled, "I DON'T WANT TO BE QUIET. DON'T TELL ME TO BE QUIET. I AM LOOKING AT THE EARTH AND I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!" I'm hoping it wasn't just that she was annoyed particularly at my kids, but maybe that she hates kids in general or that she had traumatic experiences of earthquakes and it was bringing up bad memories for her.

Anyway, Suja, some kids just scream a lot. And this age is an age where kids test their boundaries and want to say no a lot and are developing their own sense of self, so I would expect to see a lot more rule-breaking.

That makes sense L. She's only been on it about a month. Roughly.

Boo about the rough day.

I wasn't trying to talk you out of discussing her med treatment plan or trying to get her off of it, if that's what you want to do, I just mostly wanted to warn you against stopping abruptly, and then talk about one of the explanations for the increased risk of suicide. SSRI withdrawal sucks. If you have a chance to talk to her doctor, with her as part of her treatment team, there are some good questions to ask about her medication(s), like what they think the benefits of that particular one over the other ones are (I think that one has a higher success rate for anxiety, for example, but I don't know that many details, and for all I know there is some recommendation for teens over other SSRIs) and if there is a time period when suicidal ideation becomes less of a risk, and if she wants to stop or switch, what they would recommend instead.

My day should get better from here on out, hopefully. I'm going to get the kids to play in the back yard now that S. is up from his nap, and do some yard work while that is going on to kill two birds with one stone. I got an aerator today so I'm going to start spiking holes in the grass part. I am dreaming about what to do with the rest of it. I want to make a little rock climbing wall in the back for the kids. Mylah, did you ever do that? How did it work out? I also need to do something with a little slope area under our deck, and I want to get more ideas.

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Originally Posted by 3andMe

R. spent a good five minutes early this morning berating me and then crying because I haven' made cinnamon rolls in a "really really long time! Why haven't you, Mommy? You know I love them, so why don't you make them right now? I don't understand why you don't do these things that I love. Do you WANT to make me unhappy?"

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*Giggle*. Oh my, L! I swear I had that EXACT same conversation with my mom as a sulky pre-teenage girl. And what near-serendipity that we missed you by one day at the CAS. Maybe I should coordinate with you from now on. Like, for example, Bodhi & I will be at Berkeley Lawrence Hall of Science tomorrow for a little girl's 3rd birthday snake party. Were you planning on being there with your kids, by any chance?

Chrissy, my sister had to be phased off her medications as well. I think she halved her dose every few days as she was getting off of it, whatever her doctor told her to do. I hope her NP gives her some good advice. Perhaps Bobbie might want to not get off anti-depressants altogether, but try a different medication? Isn't she still working through much of the emotions from her ordeal last year? I know quite a few people who had to try different meds before they found one that actually produced positive changes for them. My fingers are still crossed for your brave girl. She's a trooper.

Alas, I never made that rock-climbing wall, L. It got parked on Steve's list of Big Ideas to execute. I wanted to buy some of these:

http://www.backcountry.com/metolius-screw-on-footholds-20-pack?CMP_SKU=MET0258&MER=0406&CMP_ID=GAN_GPLA&003= 8219600&010=MET0258-AS-B&mr:trackingCode=026B58A4-41D1-DF11-A880-001B2163195C&mr:referralID=NA&origin=pla&mr:adType =pla&mr:ad=27202999665&mr:keyword={keyword}

Maybe one day. :D We still have that high shady wall that seems perfect for it and not much else.

Mira has been remarkably well behaved today, through a trip to Costco, Home Depot, and home. And she is making a request to see "Baby Bodhi".

Oh, I know she can't just quit cold turkey. She was supposed to have an appt with her provider this morning and discuss it with her then. She's working tonight so I don't know how she made out or what the provider said. I know she can't go without taking something but I'd feel a lot better if they'd switch her away from anything that has suicidal thoughts as a possible side effect. I don't know if all SSRIs have that potential, but there are definitely different antidepressants out there. Wellbutrin comes to mind.

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Originally Posted by Suja

Mira has been remarkably well behaved today, through a trip to Costco, Home Depot, and home. And she is making a request to see "Baby Bodhi".

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Awwwww. I miss that guy: :D

http://youtu.be/IwlbQy09_9k

:wub: Awwwww!!!!

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Originally Posted by missychrissy

Oh, I know she can't just quit cold turkey. She was supposed to have an appt with her provider this morning and discuss it with her then. She's working tonight so I don't know how she made out or what the provider said. I know she can't go without taking something but I'd feel a lot better if they'd switch her away from anything that has suicidal thoughts as a possible side effect. I don't know if all SSRIs have that potential, but there are definitely different antidepressants out there. Wellbutrin comes to mind.

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I really quite enjoyed my time on Zoloft (LOL) which I took for really bad PMDD. Except I think mentioned here before that it gave me really terrible heartburn?

On a separate note, I spent all of Bodhi's nap last Sunday taking photos of 50 items of clothing I want to sell on eBay (because of that little hoarding problem I'm trying to be done with once and for all). Lemme tell you... there's nothing more sobering than seeing how much better your clothes look on a dress form than they ever did on you. Off for a run! Happy Friday, ladies!

http://i419.photobucket.com/albums/p..._FSOT169-2.jpg http://i419.photobucket.com/albums/p..._FSOT072-2.jpg http://i419.photobucket.com/albums/p..._FSOT077-2.jpg http://i419.photobucket.com/albums/p..._FSOT192-2.jpg

Omg Myles what size are those? I love that last one. Love love love.

I love them all! Oh how I wish I weren't broke right now!

I've been taking Wellbutrin for PPD after S, and am slowly weaning off now. I researched quite a bit and that's the one I liked the most. Least likely to have weight gain or sexual side effects.

Mylah, I think we're going to the coast tomorrow. Maybe Muir Woods. Definitely not going to the Lawrence Hall of Science, or any snake parties.

OMG! I love all of them. Particularly the second one. You have such amazing taste, and I imagine they look incredible on you.

I'm hurting so much for Bobbie reading this. I hope she can come to a good solution. I have been on Zoloft in the past, and at first it was working really well for me, but I weaned myself off of it after realizing I felt better on the days I accidentally skipped a day than I did when I took it. Lately I have been wondering if I should take something again, but the idea of mixing meds and TTC really doesn't gel for me. I see so many kids with serious problems, and I can think of examples from my own experience of any given horror story, including anti-depressant-related birth defects. Sometimes I just wish I could be blissfully ignorant.

:hugs: about the screaming. I love cinnamon rolls, too. L, why haven't you made me any?

I don't know anything about anti d's but man how inconvenient to have suicide thoughts as a side effect. I just can't wrap my head around that. Chrissy, are you and Rich getting along better? Not to be nosy, but he still responds to all of your fb posts like everything is hunky dory. What's up with that?

Apparently my misery makes other moms feel good. Today I stopped into our local kid's consignment to collect a check and pick up some clothes for Sawyer. The woman who owns it is sort of a friend. I've watched her kids a couple of times and I am in there so much that we are quite friendly. She just had her 5th child so she's obviously going through some ups and downs. She asked how the daycare was going and I said it's been a long week that I've had a child really testing my nerves. She was telling me that it makes her feel so great to hear me say I lose my patience because her and her friend (whose kids I care for regularly) think I am some sort of freak of nature that never gets mad at my kids. Oh LOL. That made me laugh. I was like, seriously??? She said yes and please tell me you yell at your kids and you will really make my day. We were laughing so hard and I told her I try so hard not to because my mom was a yeller and I hated it but yes I do raise my voice on occasion. She was honestly like REALLY happy about that. I asked her if it would help her if I told her I drink a lot and fight with my husband. It was all in jest but really gives me a chuckle that hearing about my imperfections gave her such a lift. She sure had a bigger smile on her face when I left than when I got there.

Molly, you probably won't see this, but it's good to see you post again. So sorry about your rough birth experience and the long recovery. Your Micah is such a cutie. And how sweet that Abbey loves him so much.

Chrissy, thinking about you and Bobbie. Where is she now?

I have been thinking I need to take something lately. Then I feel guilty about needing to take something. No offense to anyone who is taking anti-depressants. I have family members and friends on them, I know they help. The last few months I haven't felt myself. I feel tired, drained, cranky, irritable, zero motivation. Most days I count down the minutes until bedtime because Gilly can be so irritating at bedtime. Then I feel like the worst mother in the world. He's such a sweetheart. Except when he's not. Then the idea of job hunting scares the sh!t out of me. I have been out of work for so long, the idea of an interview makes me so nervous. I have everything I have ever wanted-why do I feel this way?!! I told my dh all this the other night, and he said well you need a change. Basically telling me I will feel better when I find a job. sigh.