things i've learned in 38 cycles.....

[xtrememousey]

1. you are here and struggling......it could be worse: the doctor could've just laughed at you and said "no way it'll ever happen"
2. you are not a failure, i succomb to this feeling a lot where i feel useless and that i've failed my husband, my love, because i have not been able to stay pregnant.
3. you are going to laugh and feel guilty and cry and feel guilty. please don't freak out, it's natural to go through a range of emotions.
4. hormone drugs are just what they are described as, hormones.....you are pumping your body full up with synthetic hormones so yes you are going to be sensative and things will bother you more. people still love you even when you are crazy.
5. please don't ever forget the reason you wanted to have a baby with the person you are ttc'ing with. the process started hopefully out of a strong love and a bond. don't forget to let your dh/so know that you love them. make love, don't just time sex and the drug cocktail.
6. the world does not stop when you are having issues with conception. my personal feeling is that i'm not mad at the preggo mommas i'm mad that it's not me.
7. losses are hard and will hurt deeply. forever.
8. i know that i refuse to obsess about this. i think about it every day but it is not my every waking moment thought. if it consumes you the entire reason you started this process becomes moot.
9. don't be afraid to love yourself in spite of everything.
10. you will never know everything and no one book or doctor is perfect for everyone.
11. grieve your loss of innocence on conception. those of us that have struggled at any time know that it takes more than just laying down and spreading your legs.....
12. you will never agree with everyone on the magic combination of what to do to get pregnant.
13.be patient with each other. we are all on different cycle days at any given time.
14. you don't have to like everyone, i don't. but i know enough about myself to love them anyway and be happy for their successes and cry for the losses.
15. You have to love yourself no matter what and take time to take care of you! (thank you kim)
16. don't forget or forgo the rest of your life and what you are passionate about other than ttc'ing.
17.Always remember that good things can come from struggles, but you have to let them. Maybe your TTCing journey won't end with you getting pregnant, but it can end with you being a mother! (thank you Nicole (whynotme?)
18. Even when you receive your BFP keep other's TTC in mind since you were once like them. (thank you reeree124)
19. Through all the rough times, in the end we are better and stronger woman. We know if we keep trying we all get our :bfp:.
20. I am stronger than I realize and can handle any obstacle thrown at me with grace(most of the time :wink:.)( Thank You Kim!)
21.BELIEVE. In whatever YOU believe in. And never, ever, ever, no matter what they say, say "never". (Thank You LisaJ)
22.Belief is greater than any monetary amount spent. Continue believing.(thank you twintrons) (feel free to continue this list)

[paula0471]

I love this!! Thanks for sharing!!!

[DucksLikeRain]

I know I'm not "supposed" to post here...but I just wanted to thank you for this post. I hope you don't think that's strange. As I read it my mind was kind of applying it to...struggle in general. Not just fertility. Nearly everything you wrote is such good advice for all aspects of life. I've not struggled to get pregnant. But I've lost. And I've hurt and ached. And struggled. And almost every one of your "learnings" is something that I can learn and grow from.

[taraes1982]

*sniff, sniff*
:cry: That's so sweet, girls!

[stephiegirl]

Love it!

I have one!

You are one of the strongest woman you know. No matter how much disappointment you experience, you still pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. You are an example of the determination of the human spirit.

[Kimmie]

I know I'm not "supposed" to post here...but I just wanted to thank you for this post. I hope you don't think that's strange. As I read it my mind was kind of applying it to...struggle in general. Not just fertility. Nearly everything you wrote is such good advice for all aspects of life. I've not struggled to get pregnant. But I've lost. And I've hurt and ached. And struggled. And almost every one of your "learnings" is something that I can learn and grow from.

Don't ever feel you cannot post in here. We may be moody and sensitive, but struggle = pain for everyone. Everyone has pain and struggle, just not exactly like someone else.

Leyla - I could not have said it better myself.

Remember to heal ladies. Our journey was given to us for a reason. We may not know why. But think of the countless women you have helped in your journey. All the women who have been blessed by your empathy, blessed tohave you tell them what to look for and how to fix it, and most of all blessed to know YOU helped them acheive a goal that could have not been achieved when it was if it was not for you.

Our pain never goes away, as none ever does. But have fait that God or what ever you beleive gave you this journey because he knew you could handle it and make good come out it. Focus on the good, know you will get what you desire when you have faith and preserverence. We are the epitomy of strength and determination adn most people look up to us for strudging on each day and look to us for inspiration. It is nice to know we can inspire others everyday just for being who we are.

[malf]

Wow. Thanks for this! I will share two things - one that I've learned, one that was given to me. It's religious in nature, but I hope someone will find it helpful.

From me: When I am feeling down, I remember that through our struggles with IF it has been made clear in many ways just how much DH and I love each other, and just how much we are willing and able to give each other. My DH has been my shoulder to cry on, is learning to give injections despite his pathological fear of needles, has picked up on, shared and sometimes just carried my pain throughout the last 2+ years. I am sometimes bowled over by just how much love there is, and I am always reminded why this is the man with whom I want a child.

From my mom: Saint Theresa is known as the Saint of the Little Ways, meaning she believed in doing the little things in life well and with great love.

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you .

May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

[xtrememousey]

I know I'm not "supposed" to post here...but I just wanted to thank you for this post. I hope you don't think that's strange. As I read it my mind was kind of applying it to...struggle in general. Not just fertility. Nearly everything you wrote is such good advice for all aspects of life. I've not struggled to get pregnant. But I've lost. And I've hurt and ached. And struggled. And almost every one of your "learnings" is something that I can learn and grow from.

i'm glad you posted tif.

[xtrememousey]

Love it!

I have one!

You are one of the strongest woman you know. No matter how much disappointment you experience, you still pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. You are an example of the determination of the human spirit.

wow!

[kss717]

Amen ladies well said!

[LisaJ2224]

#12 really hits home with me. The truth is, I have tried just about every suggestion, and none have worked for me. Up to and including the Instead cups. They do not work for everyone.

:?

Also...I have learned that it is normal to be seriously envious when it seems like everyone else is graduating and you aren't. it is normal to decide (and then change your mind) every other month to stop TTC.

I want everyone in here to graduate. I really do. But it hurts to watch what seems like everyone else move on and still be here. The tickers, the US pics....none of those bother me, though. How odd is that?


Lisa

[xtrememousey]

Remember to heal ladies. Our journey was given to us for a reason. We may not know why. But think of the countless women you have helped in your journey. All the women who have been blessed by your empathy, blessed tohave you tell them what to look for and how to fix it, and most of all blessed to know YOU helped them acheive a goal that could have not been achieved when it was if it was not for you.

Our pain never goes away, as none ever does. But have fait that God or what ever you beleive gave you this journey because he knew you could handle it and make good come out it. Focus on the good, know you will get what you desire when you have faith and preserverence. We are the epitomy of strength and determination adn most people look up to us for strudging on each day and look to us for inspiration. It is nice to know we can inspire others everyday just for being who we are.[/color][/b]

well said kimmie!

[Divajj]

This is awesome, thanks for posting!

[ASpires]

that was great , thank you for posting it.

[xtrememousey]

i was just thinking about it heavily for the last few days......

i know i don't post a lot so many people may not know me but those that do know that i have good and bad days. i lash out, but i try to apologize when i do. i just want you girl to all know that you are NOT alone!

[kss717]

Neither are you sweetie!

[keepingfaith]

Amazing...this post really hit home for me. My DH and I talked about a lot of things last night and quite a few of them were on that list...weird how things work like that. Thank you for your post.

Jess
http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg165/keepingfaith/120-1.jpg

[Aurora]

I so appreciate your post.

Thank you!

[kss717]

Oh #15 You have to love yourself no matter what and take time to take care of you!

[xtrememousey]

bumping - because i think it really needs to be read again

[stephiegirl]

I think we need to make this a sticky!

[LisaJ2224]

Me, too--I think we need a sticky for laughs, wisdom, etc. I like this one, and I got a lot of good feedback on my post on a typical TTC month.

Mods, can we have a sticky for wisdom and laughs?

Lisaf

[Gothknits]

beautiful

[xtrememousey]

i think this needs a bump

[LisaJ2224]

I think it needs a sticky. :)

[Mrs Chandra]

OMG this is so true and so sweet, i guess no matter what ur struggle is we can all relate to all of this!!

Thanks for making this a sticky...

Fatema

[whynotme?]

I really needed this right now. I thank you for this, and hope that each one can actually stick with me.

Always remember that good things can come from struggles, but you have to let them.

Maybe your TTCing journey won't end with you getting pregnant, but it can end with you being a mother!

[kia]

Thats just beautiful mousie.

Me wuvers you

kia

[WishingHopingPraying]

That was fabulous! Thanks!

It reminds me of what I was discussing with my therapist . . . it's okay to grieve the loss of our ideals of how we *thought* our life was supposed to turn out.

[xtrememousey]

Thats just beautiful mousie.

Me wuvers you

kia


your ticker makes me so so so happy kia!!!!

love you too girl!

[Gabbi]

Wow, what a fabulous thread. I'm so glad this was here for me to read tonight. Thank you for posting!

[NYPDbaby]

I just read this post and cried...Thank you for those words

[Xevy]

WOW! So true:)

[HisBeauty]

Thank you for posting that! I'm glad that it's a sticky now.

[Sugar&Spice]

I go back and read this thread every now and then, and it's really helpful, so thank you for posting. Baby dust to everyone! :)

[patientlywaiting]

i know this message is old but this is the first time i have read it.
it really hit home with me...i am going through the stage of wondering whether we should keep ttc or just quit...we keep waiting and waiting and i am afraid we will have to wait till there are no more chances for us.we have been together for 13 years and have been ttc for over half that..the advice is overwhelming and the phrase all in Gods time makes me stop and think everytime and try to think of what i have done in my life that God thinks we would be bad parents considering you always here of people who are alcoholics and drug addicts getting pregnant.yet here we are empty handed.i do consider myself a strong woman but even the strongest tree will fall sometime you know.and i do feel like i am letting my husband and family down.i am a failure,,,and it sucks because no matter how much you want to fix it you have no control over it..and this is the only place i can come and vent because here at home people want things to be ok.you have to act like things are ok and sometimes they just aren't ..you have these days where you just want to throw in the towel.this disappointment gets to you.and i seem to be stuck in this rut.
sorry i think i could write a book today..
the things in the message give me something to think about.thank you for writing the responses as well..sometimes i just need to come here and gather a little strength from you girls..and vent...
if it posts a message from me twice i appologize ahead of time.first time i tried to post i wasn't signed in and didn't realize it till i tried to send my message..
good luck this month girls..

[reeree124]

1. you are here and struggling......it could be worse: the doctor could've just laughed at you and said "no way it'll ever happen"

2. you are not a failure, i succomb to this feeling a lot where i feel useless and that i've failed my husband, my love, because i have not been able to stay pregnant.

3. you are going to laugh and feel guilty and cry and feel guilty. please don't freak out, it's natural to go through a range of emotions.

4. hormone drugs are just what they are described as, hormones.....you are pumping your body full up with synthetic hormones so yes you are going to be sensative and things will bother you more. people still love you even when you are crazy.

5. please don't ever forget the reason you wanted to have a baby with the person you are ttc'ing with. the process started hopefully out of a strong love and a bond. don't forget to let your dh/so know that you love them. make love, don't just time sex and the drug cocktail.

6. the world does not stop when you are having issues with conception. my personal feeling is that i'm not mad at the preggo mommas i'm mad that it's not me.

7. losses are hard and will hurt deeply. forever.

8. i know that i refuse to obsess about this. i think about it every day but it is not my every waking moment thought. if it consumes you the entire reason you started this process becomes moot.

9. don't be afraid to love yourself in spite of everything.

10. you will never know everything and no one book or doctor is perfect for everyone.

11. grieve your loss of innocence on conception. those of us that have struggled at any time know that it takes more than just laying down and spreading your legs.....

12. you will never agree with everyone on the magic combination of what to do to get pregnant.

13.be patient with each other. we are all on different cycle days at any given time.

14. you don't have to like everyone, i don't. but i know enough about myself to love them anyway and be happy for their successes and cry for the losses.

15. You have to love yourself no matter what and take time to take care of you! (thank you kim)

16. don't forget or forgo the rest of your life and what you are passionate about other than ttc'ing.

17.Always remember that good things can come from struggles, but you have to let them. Maybe your TTCing journey won't end with you getting pregnant, but it can end with you being a mother! (thank you Nicole (whynotme?))
(feel free to continue this list)

18. Remember "For with God Nothing will be impossible."

19. Even when you receive your BFP keep other's TTC in mind since you were once like them.

[iwanna]

i really believe that some things happen for a reason. after i have lost 2 babies i was thinking to quit and just get a dog. and just do the NPP. but just think what if i did get a dog and in years from now i have a baby. and something happens and the dog will come to save my baby? there are reasons for everything that happens. God is leading us to our destination of true happiness.

[ktbug]

thank you for this, I appreciate it.

[still_trying_1+]

Thanks! That really helps! I'm a new member and it really helps to have somewhere to go where everyone understands. I get so emotional sometimes with all of the hormones. We've been TTC since May 2007. My DH has been great, though sometimes he doesn't understand the mood swings. We don't have our family to turn to, b/c we decided not to tell them we are trying. My husband especially wants to surprise everybody, so we don't have that emotional support. I've only been a member a few days and this forum has already helped so much!

Mandy

[pumpkinpeejays]

AF is not the end, it is the beginning of an opportunity!

[PreemieMomma]

I just read this and though this was a good thread. At times I feel down, I think that there's a reason we all go through these rough times, but god wouldn't put us through this if we wouldn't come out better and stronger woman in the end. I think we should add one more.

# 19. Through all the rough times, in the end we are better and stronger woman. We know if we keep trying we all get our :bfp:.

Stay strong ladies and know it the end it makes you a stronger woman, going through the things we all have. Hopefully with good end results. :hugs: :hugs:

[kss717]

20. I am stronger than I realize and can handle any obstacle thrown at me with grace(most of the time :wink:).

[prachi jain]

it really touched me ........its so true really thanks for posting it.......after reading this i really felt relaxed

[LisaJ2224]

I cannot tell you how much it warms my heart to go back and read this and see how many have since graduated from STC...all the gorgeous tickers and babies!

I will add one: BELIEVE. In whatever YOU believe in. And never, ever, ever, no matter what they say, say "never".

[ridstirup]

Great post! It's very nice and userful. Thank you so much for your post.

[hugsogen]

ts like what Brenda, the original poster has in the bottom of her posts. The cute pictures of her boys

It can also be a pregnancy ticker or whatever else related to pregnancy as well.

[susi]

Thank YOU !!! I really needed this.

Susi

[tjsproudmomma07]

I so needed to read this....thanks for posting.

[megansterkel]

thank you so much for putting this together.

it is so wonderful to know that there are people out there that understand what I am going through.

[rebeccaw0511]

I love all of what you ladies have to say here! It is so inspirational! :)

[rochan]

14. you don't have to like everyone, i don't. but i know enough about myself to love them anyway and be happy for their successes and cry for the losses. I've not struggled to get pregnant. But I've lost. And I've hurt and ached. And struggled. And almost every one of your "learnings" is something that I can learn and grow from.

[xtrememousey]

i needed to go back and read my own words ......i'm almost 11 months into ttc'ing #2 .......ugh

[akhiker]

i needed to go back and read my own words ......i'm almost 11 months into ttc'ing #2 .......ugh

:hugs:

[philiprambo]

Good one.Keep it up.thanks for sharing.

[Twintrons]

--One day, you will look your child in the eyes, do you want to tell them you almost gave up on them?
--The dream of a child within you is heaven sent. No one knows the day or time your child will come, but they will come.
--Belief is greater than any monetary amount spent. Continue believing.
--Your desire must push you through pain, heartache, and suffering. Look to God as your rock when traversing winds try to steer you away.