Stupid comments/stupid people (xpost)

[Cassandra]

Mostly when people comment on Amelia's size, it is positive, albeit with surprise at how small she is. I am very friendly to everyone who talks to us. A few months ago, there was one annoying old woman in the grocery store who kinda talked like she was a freak, but I was just rather direct with her and she quieted down. Well, today...

I had to drop off a cake I baked for church. I had Amelia with me and was carrying her resting on my hip. It was the end of the day for a summer camp there, and I saw this other mom I know from my committee work. I have mixed feelings about her, but she's been super friendly since I had Amelia so I reciprocate. Anyway, she has 5 kids and was there with 4 of them. The mom talked about how beautiful Amelia is and how much she's grown. The one boy (10?) was nice and really interested in Amelia as were her 2 little boys (4 and 6?). Of course, everyone commented on her size, but it was okay. Then, the daughter (8?) said, "Her head is really small." :shocker: No one said anything so she said again "Yeah, it doesn't fit at all. It is freakishly small." :shocker: :shocker: :pokey: I was so mad!! I'm even more mad, though, that the mom never said anything! I was so shocked, I didn't say anything, and now I'm mad at myself that I didn't respond to the #$%^ girl. :headbang:

Just needed to get that off my chest.

[flatoutgallop]

People are stupid when it comes to comments about small babies...
I know exactly what those comments are like!!
:hugs:

(slap her next time she says it..lol)

[Cassandra]

Thanks. I think I'll make a comment about her freakishly large teeth. :wink: :pokey:

[photogrl]

How can the mother just stand there and not correct or at least apologize for her!?!

Amelia is beautiful, Momma!

:hugs:

[imgoober06]

I went somewhere with a friend of mine, with our daughters and this lady kept calling my friends baby fat, and was trying to get me to agree. Sometimes people cant just keep thier mouths shut.
Cami is half black and my future SIL told me that she "looks really black". I have had other issues with racial things being said about my daughter, so I know how you feel!
Amelia is adorable! I also love that name! Just ignore people making comments like that, you know your baby is beautiful, thats all that matters!

[Marquette Fan]

I can't believe the mom didn't say anything - sorry that girl made that rude comment. :hugs:

Abbie is on the small side and I get people who act like I'm lying when I say how old she is when we're out in public and get comments all the time about how small she is - sometimes I wish people would keep their mouths shut.

[villagespin]

OK, that little girl is a b--ch. At 8, shouldn't you know that is inappropriate? I cannot believe the mother did not say anything.

[Muzzie]

Im sorry your feelings were hurt, kids often esp at that age just spurt out what they are thinking. It would of been nice of her mum to have maybe explained why your daughter is small and even ask you a few questions if they had any.

My SIL had a small baby girl 3 months ago, just 5 lb she would get so upset when people would comment on her babys size and lack of muscle tone and slower milesotne reaching, and she apoligised to me the other day, because she went on about my son being big ( 8lb 6 born) ans she only just realised how annoying it is that someone is always commenting on a babies size!

[Sylvia]

I went somewhere with a friend of mine, with our daughters and this lady kept calling my friends baby fat, and was trying to get me to agree. Sometimes people cant just keep thier mouths shut.
Cami is half black and my future SIL told me that she "looks really black". I have had other issues with racial things being said about my daughter, so I know how you feel!
Amelia is adorable! I also love that name! Just ignore people making comments like that, you know your baby is beautiful, thats all that matters!

OMG... I have a picture of my youngest nephew on my desk at work. He is half Jamaican and white. He is super cute. But this woman I work with said the rudest things about my nephew. She asked why he is so light skinned, and said the he suppose to be darker. I have told this woman that he is perfect, and he is exactly what he is suppose to be!! Why do people need to say something, he's just a baby.

Amelia is so precious!! She is an adorable girl! I'm surprised the mom let her daughter get away with being so rude.

[Cassandra]

OK, that little girl is a b--ch. At 8, shouldn't you know that is inappropriate? I cannot believe the mother did not say anything.[/QUOTE]
Exactly. I *never* would have said something like that, esp. to a complete stranger! I had never even seen the girl before.

Im sorry your feelings were hurt, kids often esp at that age just spurt out what they are thinking. It would of been nice of her mum to have maybe explained why your daughter is small and even ask you a few questions if they had any.
Yep. I am always very open about Amelia's history, and I tell everyone about her (even the strangers in the grocery store that stop us :D).

I guess I should be over being surprised by stupid people. :pokey:

[monkeymom]

:duh: Can't believe the mom didn't correct her. It's one thing to say "small." When you use the word "freakishly," that's just blatantly insulting. :comfort:

Like some of the other PPs, I have the opposite problem. I'm pretty small, and for some unknown reason, DD is rather large, with ginormously chubby cheeks. People can NOT stop telling me how "huge," "fat," "chubby," and my least favorite "overfed" she is. :pokey: Quite the opposite; she eats well below an average amount for her age and size and is perfectly content with it. I guess no matter what stupid people say, their comments are going to hurt!

[newmami]

What amazes me the most is that the mom didn't say anything to her child who was being OBVIOUSLY rude.

I hate that people feel the need to comment on the child's size... when did it became THEIR problem?? why is it so hard to say "he/she is adorable!!" and leave it at that???

If it helps, I got all sort of rude comments because my kids are huge!! they never looked like newborns

[Treysmom]

What a little BRAT...she should be old enough to know better and if not, then the MOM should freaking tell her ON THE SPOT!!!!!!!!

[scurry]

DD has a little smaller head than average and I used to worry about it until my BIL mentioned a study he ready about supermodels (why he was reading an article talking about supermodels is a whole nother story!). Anyway, apparently when looking at things statistically, the only difference between supermodels and the rest of us is that supermodels have smaller heads than the rest of us. Now if anyone says anything I tell them about the study and claim that DD will be supporting us in 15 years when she's a supermodel! :P

Regardless, how rude! I think Amelia is gorgeous!

[Jenny]

:hugs: I think Amelia is such a doll.

Question for all you though....what do you think that the mother should have said to her daughter? Do you think maybe she said something once they were in private?

Haley has called a really large child on the playground FAT (yes, she screamed it) and he was fat. Probably about 12 years old, and obviously obese. It was sad. But what she did was not polite and I corrected her right there on the spot. I told her that everybody comes in different sizes and no two people are the same and that are to be respectful of everybody.

Did I handle that properly?

Sorry for the highjack. I've just started to encounter this sort of behavior myself and not sure how to deal with is....:eyebrow:

[Cassandra]

IMO, Jenny, I think you handled it just right, for a lot of reasons. I think young children (and the younger they are, the more this applies) need to be corrected as close, temporally, to the incident as possible. This way they know exactly what they did wrong. I also think it is good that you provided an explanation of why it was wrong and what should have happened (everyone deserves respect and why, i.e., we're all different). It's nice that the group you were with saw you address the behavior. (They know you find it unacceptable and took action to correct it.) And, I think it is nice that the child who was called fat heard what you said. :)

FWIW, I talked to my bff about this (she has a 6 and 3 year old), and she also felt that the correction should have happened in the moment in front of everyone.

[missychrissy]

:hugs: I think Amelia is such a doll.

Question for all you though....what do you think that the mother should have said to her daughter? Do you think maybe she said something once they were in private?

Haley has called a really large child on the playground FAT (yes, she screamed it) and he was fat. Probably about 12 years old, and obviously obese. It was sad. But what she did was not polite and I corrected her right there on the spot. I told her that everybody comes in different sizes and no two people are the same and that are to be respectful of everybody.

Did I handle that properly?

Sorry for the highjack. I've just started to encounter this sort of behavior myself and not sure how to deal with is....:eyebrow:

I was thinking the same thing. I know my Sydney is 9 and she sometimes comes out with things that I'd prefer she not say. And you know what, sometimes rather than humiliate my daughter I'll save it for home. Because honestly, I know your feelings may have been hurt but your daughter's weren't. Now, if the other child was old enough to be hurt by her comment, then I would have addressed it then and there. I try not to use humiliation as a form of punishment with my kids if I can help it.

I'm sorry she said that, it really was inappropriate. But I'm actually shocked and even offended anyone would call an 8-year-old child a b!tch.

[ShannonG]

Hmmm...children (and I) don't have very good brain-to-mouth filters. I'm betting the child didn't even realize what she said was hurtful and I'm willing to bet her mom said something to her after the fact.

I agree with Chrissy though. A child should never be called a biatch.:ohno: That is a rude name that should be reserved for grown up women acting badly (and prissy girly-men. :lol:) Sometimes children really don't know better, even though we assume they do or expect them to. KWIM?

[Cassandra]

I try not to use humiliation as a form of punishment with my kids if I can help it.


I think it could easily have been addressed in the moment w/o "humiliating" the child, and I still think the mother not addressing it was entirely inappropriate.

[Cassandra]

I'm betting the child didn't even realize what she said was hurtful and I'm willing to bet her mom said something to her after the fact.


If at 8 or 9 she doesn't realize that she shouldn't use the word "freak" or a form thereof, then that is a whole other problematic issue.

I think it is sad to make excuses for what to me at least is unquestionably inappropriate behavior.

[Jenny]

I was thinking the same thing. I know my Sydney is 9 and she sometimes comes out with things that I'd prefer she not say. And you know what, sometimes rather than humiliate my daughter I'll save it for home. Because honestly, I know your feelings may have been hurt but your daughter's weren't. Now, if the other child was old enough to be hurt by her comment, then I would have addressed it then and there. I try not to use humiliation as a form of punishment with my kids if I can help it.

I'm sorry she said that, it really was inappropriate. But I'm actually shocked and even offended anyone would call an 8-year-old child a b!tch.


Are you saying that you think I humilated Haley by saying she wasn't being respectful and that everyone is different and come in all shapes and sizes? If so, how was that disrespectful?

[ShannonG]

If at 8 or 9 she doesn't realize that she shouldn't use the word "freak" or a form thereof, then that is a whole other problematic issue.

I think it is sad to make excuses for what to me at least is unquestionably inappropriate behavior.

I'm not making excuses for her behavior.

I'd say that calling your daughter a freak is something I bet she does know is innapropriate, but the child saying that her head seemed freakishly small was something that she didn't ever equate to being equal with calling your daughter a freak, even though it had the same effect in your eyes.

My DD was this age once and I know how their mouths engage before their brains can catch up.

[villagespin]

I am the one that said that little girl was a b--ch and it is because of the "freakishly" follow-up to the first comment that went without a response. The whole thing was rude, but like it has been said, kids don't really have that filter to know what is/is not appropriate so I guess I would understand the first thing she said and chalk it up to just being a kid. The second part was totally unacceptable and horribly rude. From the sounds of it, she was looking for a reaction and upped the ante by being even ruder in the second comment.

I don't mean to be offensive, but I think that what that girl said was highly inappropriate and from the way I read the exchange it seemed to be intentional and that is why I said what I said.

[missychrissy]

I think it could easily have been addressed in the moment w/o "humiliating" the child, and I still think the mother not addressing it was entirely inappropriate.

The mother is the one with the issue. To take it out on a little girl is just wrong. Wait till your daughter is 8 and she makes a rude comment-you'll see what I mean. You can IMAGINE how you'd handle.

Are you saying that you think I humilated Haley by saying she wasn't being respectful and that everyone is different and come in all shapes and sizes? If so, how was that disrespectful?

No, don't make this about you.

[missychrissy]

edited

The issue is much bigger than what an 8 year old child says.

[BBKCD]

How can the mother just stand there and not correct or at least apologize for her!?!

Amelia is beautiful, Momma!

:hugs:

ITA!!!:wub:

[lmcirig]

I think the mother should have at least said something like "That's not nice, we don't speak like that." I don't think it's right to just let your kid get away with saying something so mean, no matter what age the person is. She didn't have to make a scene or embarass the kid- just correct her.

[Jenny]

No, don't make this about you.

I'm not making this about me. Just trying to understand your response. Chill out.