Spent tonight crying. :(

[09Mommyof2]

I'll start out by saying that I've never had a good relationship with my mom. She is THE most unemotionally attached person ever. When my dad had his stroke 2 years after they divorced (I was 19), she said "I'm sorry but he did it to himself". (Partly true but WHO SAYS THAT?!)

As of, about a month or so ago I decided that I can't live for her approval anymore. It's not healthy. Even therapists I've talked to in the past (I have depression and anxiety that I take meds for when I'm not pregnant), have suggested not talking to her as often, but I can't help it. I just want to have a normal relationship with her.

She told me that if I didn't give up my son for adoption she'd never help me with anything ever again. (She puts gas in my car every other week so I can get to the doctor). Never mind that the father is in the army and would be forced to pay child support- of which I already have the paperwork filled out, just waiting for him to be born! :P )

Well, it's not her decision to make. I am the one who would have to live with the decision for the rest of my life, and I cannot do that. I'm doing everything in my power to make sure we'll be on our feet in just a few short months. (I'm due in 13 days). I'm a good person, yes I screwed up my college, but it's not unfixable. I can get back into it after I get a job so that I can pay to retake 2 classes I messed up. But then it'd only be a few months before I get my A.A. and move on to my B.S. Not to mention that its all online so I wouldn't have to worry about a sitter, or gas, or anything like that.

I finally, FINALLY broke down tonight and cried about this. Yes, it's true, I don't have a job at the moment, but I have a plan. Is it how I imagined things would be 5 months ago when I was planning a wedding? No, but it's not going to be impossible.

I'm just depressed about it tonight. I need to talk to her so I can get some sleep at night, even if it means seeing the look of disappointment on her face yet again.

Thanks for letting me vent, I really needed to get that out.

[wannabmomof3]

:hugs: I'm so sorry you have to go through that. I have issues with my mom too. Differently than you, but nonetheless, still wanting a normal relationship. We have that in common. My mom is a chronic liar. Lies about everything. For absolutely no reason at all. She lies to everyone and Id like to think I'm different because I'm what, her DAUGHTER!! But I've learned to realize that no matter what she says, or tries to make me believe, I won't be different than everyone else. And it sucks.

Don't get my wrong, my mom was the most loving, caring, supportive mom, but also lied to me the entire time. Tis made me question if her love and support was even real. If it was genuine. She smokes cigarettes and pot, and used to abuse meth, still does on occasion and my dad has no idea. That's according to her. I think he knows. And I feel sorry for him. That's is life partner and she lies about everything. Addiction is something totally different though. But the lies are ridiculous. For example, I'll pull a car or two behind her when I see her intune road and ask her what she's doing. Shed tell me she's at home doing laundry. Why lie?? So I said look in your rear view mirror and she gets all nervous and comes up with all kinds of excuses like ahhhhhh. Ok.

Sorry to ramble. I just feel so bad for you that you have to go through that. Just know you aren't alone :hugs: PM me if you ever wanna talk. I have a lot of mom problems too....and it sucks. I know how you feel about wanting that normal relationship. I tell myself m not gonna tell her xyz and I always end up telling her because she's my mom. I'm always looking for her approval. And I always get the "wow, you spent your money on that? You know how I'm struggling financially and you buy that? Gives me the look like wow, how useless. And it makes me feel bad. Can I not have a normal conversation with my mom and tell her what I bought without judgement? She doesn't help us financially, and spends her money on stupid things, excuses to leave the house, cigs and bud, drugs...but questions when DH buys me a bag or something for the kids. I always tell myself I won't tell her anything, then I get so excited about the news and I end up telling her. I usually get thAy response from her and the cycle continues.

Again, I'm sorry for rambling, but this post touched my heart. It's sad when it's your mom. And my dad bailed on me when I was 2 and is basically non existent to me (he even lives on the same island as me, about 20 miles away). Needless to say im so lucky to have my DH.

:hugs: hugs mama.

[momma_k807]

:hugs: My mom sounds A LOT like yours. It's tough. You do what you feel is right in your heart.

[MamaMisty]

So sorry...

I went to counseling because of my mom as well. This is what I learned.

I want the fairy tale mother. I want her to protect me to comfort me and to love me unconditionally. I want a mother 100% of the time.

However, my mom only feels safe to give me 30%. That means I get hurt 70% because I'm expecting her to be a mom 100% of the time.

I had to stop asking her oppinion. I had to stop offering my suggestions. I stayed with "Chit Chat" and did not talk about "Opinions." I hope this helps.

Please read, "Different Children Different Needs." It is a great parenting book but at the same time it is a great marriage book and other relationships...

[Rae_1478]

Reading this, I have a feeling quite a few of us have relationship issues with our mothers. Mommyof2, I hope (in the strange way) that your mom was just trying to manipulate you and she won't follow through with her threats. Cry away if it makes you feel better, sometimes that is just what we all need.

I know I'm just a stranger, but I have faith that you will get yourself back to the track you want to be one. You seem to have taken responsibility for your past actions AND you have a plan to try to get back on the track you want to be on! That speaks volumes!

[cheeksy]

:hugs: You are strong. And you can do it. Your child- your decision. I doubt your mom did everything hers did in regard of bringing you up. Wish you an easy delivery and a fast adjustment to a new life with your little treasure!