Secular Confessions

[Gwenn]

You could always have a second anonymous account.

[missychrissy]

Oh Mandy. Eek. I'm so anxious for you.


I wish this wasn't so. I know what you mean, though. If you weren't a mod, I would say just start a new account with a new name and no identifying photos or anything. I wish there was a way you could talk about it without being worried.
Facebook group? They can be set to private so that even your 'friends' can't see you're a member of it.

[missychrissy]

I think my cat peed on my backpack! :crazy:

[3andMe]

I wish this wasn't so. I know what you mean, though. If you weren't a mod, I would say just start a new account with a new name and no identifying photos or anything. I wish there was a way you could talk about it without being worried.

Two accounts aren't allowed, mod or no mod.

It's not like what I wanted to say was so bad, I just like to keep my private life kind of private, and I specifically know that dh knows about this room, so even if I came on anonymously and talked about a disagreement, he would know it was me talking about us if he cared to look. He is usually really good about allotting me privacy, but who knows if he might be curious in this particular situation? Or my sister is a huge snoop, and I know she googles family members because she sends me articles about other people she finds. Right after I posted the last thing, I looked at the list of users to see who was looking at what, and out of everyone I saw 5 guests browsing Secular Confessions and it made me nervous. I have to confess, though, it drives me crazy when people post things and then remove them, so I apologize to you all.

I'm doing better today. Yesterday I just felt awful, just physically and emotionally wrung out. I'm also super-busy today, but only have one child and not as much screeching (thank goodness).

Anyway, I'm sorry I've been so caught up in my own stuff I haven't been paying as much attention to all of yours. Chrissy, wash your backpack and put carpet shampoo on the surrounding area right away before your cat decides to make a habit of it!

Mandy, keep us posted! I'm sure you have a zillion things going through your head, too.

[AmeriBrit]

No worries, L; we're here for ya, lady.

Anyone heard from Kate? I haven't seen a post from her on here...that's just me being nosy.

We had beautiful weather here today! It was like 70 degrees and the sun was shining, so I took my 2 boys and SIL took her 3 kids to the pub across the field from our house....it was a much longer walk than it needed to be, but it was fun. And the boys enjoyed eating potato chips (or crisps as they call them here) and a drink of sodie pop as we sat under a tree on a hill outside the pub...I love days like this.

[AmeriBrit]

double post

[missychrissy]

Oops, I think I broke APA rules and created a 2nd account to test things right after there was a big change. I can't remember if I did, or if I just thought about it. If I did, I don't remember what name I gave myself :P Or the pw for that matter.


Chrissy, wash your backpack and put carpet shampoo on the surrounding area right away before your cat decides to make a habit of it!

I'm sure it's our fault. We forgot to bring our litter box (it's on the back porch at our other house waiting to be cleaned thoroughly) and likely she got desperate when we were all sleeping. The only other time she had an accident was about 15 years ago and she had been hit by a car that day. But yeah, I'm definitely cleaning the mess up. I left my backpack on the floor next to a pile of boxes.

:hugs: for the other stuff.

[Smplyme89]

Stupid computuer :pokey:

[Smplyme89]

Stupid computuer :pokey:

[Smplyme89]

Just wanted to pop in and say :hi:

Things have been super crazy with Nolan's appointments and I'm doing a course in prep for the new semester so free time has been nonexistent :headbang:

Mandy that is So exciting! I've got my :fingerscrossed: for you!
L I'm sorry your so stressed :hugs:
Bridget :pokey: to your man! Lying is unneccesary and trying to justify it is even worse :ohno: AND You are an awesome mom! :wub:
Chrissy I'm sorry your having such a hard time lately. My DH will get distracted when he goes off to do things as well. Something that "should" take less than 30mins takes him a couple hours :pokey: Men! :pokey: and I agree with L I would probably wash that backpack and surrounding ASAP before the kitty makes it his/her new spot!

[daylilies]

Thanks for thinking of me, Ash. I've been here, not sure how vocal I've been but I'm here. Things are just bad around here. I had my therapist appt. today and I can't say she was a big help. She gave me a couple psychiatrist rec's if I want to go on medicine, which I do, but for which of the myriad of problems I have, I'm not sure. She suggested we take Josh to a dr. who specializes in kids that age so we can get to the bottom of what is making him fight us on everything but I feel kind of bad about doing that; although I know in my heart there should be no stigma in asking for professional help when it comes to parenting, it feels like everyone around me copes just fine and doesn't need to take their kid to a child psych. I mean I look at you guys handling multiple kids and multiple problems, much bigger problems than a 4 year old who likes to argue and I feel like I just suck at coping with life. I just feel like a huge failure in so many things right now.

[Gwenn]

:hugs: Kate, you aren't a failure. I think you're a really good mom who has a kid who just isn't easy. Not your fault in the least, and nothing wrong with getting help! Maybe there is something the doctor can do for Josh.

:hugs: I'm thinking of you. I hate that you sound so down about yourself.

[daylilies]

:hugs: Kate, you aren't a failure. I think you're a really good mom who has a kid who just isn't easy. Not your fault in the least, and nothing wrong with getting help! Maybe there is something the doctor can do for Josh.

:hugs: I'm thinking of you. I hate that you sound so down about yourself.


That's what my therapist says but I really don't think I'm a good mom. Of course I'm not at the end of the spectrum with those who hurt their children but I just feel like I have no clue most of the time.


I left him with my friend from church while I went to the appt. and when I went to pick him up he threw a fit because I said he couldn't have popcorn in the car. First of all they didn't even offer him a snack for the ride, he just expected it. Then when they said he could bring some crackers or something he refused. He just wanted their popcorn. Well he had a drink already and I didn't want him to have popcorn, actually I really didn't want him to have a snack at all because we were 10 minutes from home and I don't usually let him eat in the car. But he had his juice and I had to basically drag him out of their house because he kept running upstairs when everyone else was outside. It was embarassing. I'm sure he was an angel while I was gone and the second I show up it's like he's a different kid.

[Gwenn]

Kate, that doesn't mean that YOU made that happen, whether he was an angel or not. I've often thought Josh has a hard time transitioning from one thing to the next and what you just described is an excellent example of that. That has NOTHING to do with your parenting. That's something that's just a part of Josh.

[daylilies]

Yeah, he does have a hard time transitioning. What can I do to help him with that? I mean when he flat out refuses what am I supposed to do? I try to tempt him with things we can do at home (or wherever we're going) and it doesn't help.

[Gwenn]

Some of the things we use are visual schedules, timers, and giving notice in advance of changes to come (like "1 more minute to play, then clean up, then lunchtime"). That way they don't get hit with change without time to mentally prepare for it. I can google some good visual schedule resources for you if you'd like.

[Gwenn]

Yeah, he does have a hard time transitioning. What can I do to help him with that? I mean when he flat out refuses what am I supposed to do? I try to tempt him with things we can do at home (or wherever we're going) and it doesn't help.

As far as flat out refusing, that's one thing we try to head off before it happens with the schedules. Then when we get the "no" comments we simply tell them to check their schedule. What is on the schedule isn't a choice. Otherwise we give as many choices as we can so they have freedom within structure if that makes sense. We also use rewards like you say when things go well just to reinforce that.

[daylilies]

Thing is I really hate schedules. The day just doesn't work like that. Sure, if we have a class or playdate scheduled that's fine but other than that we do what works for us, like when we eat or when we go for a walk or go to the park. I can't predict what we'll want to do at what time. Do I really have to? LOL

[Gwenn]

Well, you don't have to have a fixed schedule, but you do certain things in a certain order, right? Like when you pick him up, he knows he has to get in the car and then you go home and eat lunch (or out to eat lunch, either way car then lunch then play). Visual schedules work more like that, letting him know the sequence of things that will happen, than like a schedule you would use for a list of college classes or something. Make sense?

I apologize because my internet died for a while there but I'm watching a video online about visual schedules and if I like it, I'll link to it. Trying to see how much of it would apply to you.

[daylilies]

That might work. Thanks :) I'm back and forth from the computer here too so it's not like I'm tapping my foot waiting for you to give me answers ;)

[Gwenn]

Okay, I'm going to link to the video (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5853947113791433682) because it explains the mechanism well. The idea is that it communicates to the child that there are certain expectations throughout the day, some fun and some not so fun, and lets him know that if he gets through the not-fun stuff, something more fun is coming. This actually starts pretty low with strategies I would use with kids who are non-verbal communicators and obviously that doesn't apply to Josh. If I would recommend any of her schedules in the video for you/Josh, it would be the last most advanced one, but I would actually make one differently for Josh if I set out to make a schedule with him in mind. I'd probably use digital photos from a camera combined with written words underneath and have him check off as she showed at the end. You could put it in a small binder or notebook that would fit in your purse.

The idea is you are communicating a sequence of ideas in advance so he knows he has to get through certain things to get to other fun things. It doesn't mean you have to have a rigidly planned day, and it also doesn't mean you (being Mom) can't make changes to the schedule as needed. The point is he will see those changes. And when a day is different, it helps him understand how a day will be different so he doesn't freak out when he has to stop doing something he likes even though something more fun is coming.

If you don't like the schedule idea, a timer is another option. Let him know he has a certain amount of time (whatever works best for him - 1 minute, or 3, or 5) until playtime (or whatever) is finished and he has to do the next thing. Then set the time on your clock. With my kids I've had success using this both with fun things and with NOT fun things. It really helps them knowing that an experience they don't like (like work time) will be over soon. I often set a digital timer and set it out so the child can see the numbers go down and he knows when it's time to stop working.

[daylilies]

Thanks, I will check it out :)

[daylilies]

I liked the video. They do that last one at preschool. (not individually but it's up at the front of the class every day) But I'm still not sure how to deal with challenges as they come, like when I have to pick him up from somewhere and he's not ready. I've tried the timer and he still fights it when it goes off.

[demigraf]

Ooh, I can't wait to check out the link you posted, Mandy. I've been trying upgrade my fargin' iPhone all day, and managed to crash it, so now I am restoring it to a virgin system. Lord knows if I'm gonna have to replace all the apps I downloaded, including the ones I paid for. The only reason I was so bent on upgrading was because I want to put the Livestrong app on my phone, since I feel like I need to do SOMETHING to be more mindful of my eating/exercise habits. And even then, my contract is up at the end of the month and I'm considering replacing the phone/plan altogether since my reception is lousy in my house...(*stops to take breath*)

Kate - :hugs: Josh sounds a lot like Bodhi, only more mature and I guess that's why you expect him to behave more, which makes sense. I am eagerly taking notes from all these discussions. After every toddler temperament quiz I've taken says that Bodhi is a "spirited" child, I'm very close to taking it to heart. And there are books out there like "Raising the Spirited Child" that you might want to check out if you're hesitant to seek advice from professionals at the moment. One of the moms I know has a 6 yr old who is "spirited" and she describes him always the one to want more, more, more. She felt the book was a lifesaver.

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Perceptive/dp/0060923288
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Workbook/dp/0060952407

I don't know if these books are old news to you, but they're something I plan to check out. I'm still in the "toddlers will be toddlers" mindset at the moment.

So before too much time passes, I want to share the funny conversation I had with a girl at the coffee shop the other day:


Girl: What can I get you?
Me: Oh, I'd like a small coffee in a medium cup and a chocolate croissant...against my better judgment.
Girl: <smiles, then stops to chat with a regular customer>

Girl: Did you say you wanted a medium coffee in a large cup?
Me: Oh, no, a small in a medium cup, please.

Girl: <brings me my coffee> Let's see, what else am I forgetting?
Me: <opens mouth and starts to answer question>Girl: Oh, yes, your better judgment.
Me: <laughing> Yes, we both forgot my better judgment this morning.

Sorry for the overshare, but I don't keep a journal anymore (haven't had the time in 3 years), so APA is pretty much my repository of all the things that happen to me.

Hi, christina. :hi: I hope Nolan is progressing and school doesn't get too much in your way.

Bridget, how did it go when M came home yesterday?

L, I'm sorry you were having a rough patch, but I'm glad you felt better the next day. The other morning, Bodhi was having a moment of frustration and was crying. He opened his arms, seeming to ask me for a cuddle. I asked him what was wrong, and he wailed "Evwee-ting and evwee-buddy!" And I just thought: oh, honey, I have so been there. (And I giggled to myself because he was having a little toddler crisis). It felt so good to be able to tell him "mama's here", like it semi-made up for all those times I didn't have somebody to reassure me it would all be ok.

We all need to have our moments.
:wub:

[Bridget]

Kate, :hugs:
I think you're a good mom too. We're all pretty clueless, I think. No two kids are the same and there is so much info out there. I hope the schedule helps. I'm going to take a look too.

I yelled at my kids today. Kai bit Savana and she punched him in the face. :shocker: Wtf?
They were both crying the second I raised my voice and they said I scared them which I'm sure I did since I don't often yell. I did apologize but also said when they hurt eachother it makes me so upset that I yelled without even thinking. So we made a pact that we'd all stop yelling/punching/biting.
I think, for me, the punching and biting should be easy to give up.:winks:

[daylilies]

Cute story Myles :)
I hadn't heard of those books, I'll look at them. I've always been told he's just a normal kid which doesn't help me feel better that I can't handle him and other people can and seem to still want more, LOL
Like, he's an easygoing kid around most people except me and DH. The only difficult behavior he's exhibited to anyone else is at swim lessons. He's great at school, great at church class, great with babysitters and neighbors and strangers at the park.

[Bridget]

I also think that is typical for kids to behave for other adults. I took care of a little girl for years and her mom would tell me stories about 2 hour meltdowns at home and I'd never even seen the girl cry outside of physical injury.

Myles, M just acted like nothing happened. And I didn't have the energy to bring it up again. He knows how I feel about the particular issue at hand. That's all I can do.
We are supposed to go camping next week and I'm trying not to be annoyed that he invited his friend and wife. Maybe I'm a snob but she annoys me. She's a non-listener. I cannot conversate with people I can tell are not really listening. Plus I know they, along with dbf, are just going to throw back cocktails and that's just not my idea of camping with my kids.

[3andMe]

Kate, how your kids behave at home is not really an indication necessarily of how they are in public. DH used to worry that dd was a little sociopathic because of how grabby she was with toys and how unwilling she was to share and how she didn't seem to demonstrate any empathy. I would tell him to relax, that all kids were like that, and developing empathy is a long and gradual process. And then he would point out that ds was not like that (comparisons really are odious, and it's hard when you have two very different kids of the same age).

And then dd got old enough to start really being interested in and interacting with other kids at the playground, and you never met a sweeter, kinder, more generous person. In public. She will find a ball on the ground and see a baby and run over and say "Here baby, do you want to play with this?" The other moms look at each other and go "Aw" or grimace at their own kids who are stealing the other kids' toys. But at home, she is still insanely grabby and even if she is not interested in a toy, even if she is doing something completely different, if another child starts playing with something she will run over and want to take it.

My point is that what other people see and what you see is not always the same kid.

[Gwenn]

I liked the video. They do that last one at preschool. (not individually but it's up at the front of the class every day) But I'm still not sure how to deal with challenges as they come, like when I have to pick him up from somewhere and he's not ready. I've tried the timer and he still fights it when it goes off.

You know, when you're in the moment of the behavior crisis it is MUCH harder to deal with and I don't always have the answer. My first year or two of working I said the same thing to one of the more experienced teachers. Her answer was that when we're in the moment, we just have to deal with it, but really the best way to deal with it is to plan ahead and prevent those meltdowns from happening as best we can. Probably more than half of what I do involves manipulating the environment to prevent meltdown before it starts. I've heard the same thing over and over from people with far more experience and credentials than I do - don't get in the habit of responding to crisis because then you are just moving from crisis to crisis. Prevent the crisis.

But the best and most experienced of us all (which certainly isn't me) have moments of crisis that we just didn't prepare for. In the moment you just get through it. Sometimes you need to stand your ground, and sometimes you just give up and give hugs. Whatever you feel works best.


Sorry for the overshare, but I don't keep a journal anymore (haven't had the time in 3 years), so APA is pretty much my repository of all the things that happen to me.

:laugh: Thanks for the overshare! In a similar vein, I decided to get a milkshake the other day from the drive through. They had two sizes, and it seems like stores always have bizarre size names like small, large, or jumbo but no medium. So I didn't want to predict which the two sizes would be named, so to head off any discussion I said "I'd like the smaller of the two sizes." Then the girl asked "Do you want that small or large?" :headbang:

I've thought about starting a journal a few times, but I realize I have nothing to say I don't say in here!

Also, I'm trying to decide if I should upgrade my mac to Lion and I'm scared to do it. Your post didn't help.


I yelled at my kids today. Kai bit Savana and she punched him in the face. :shocker: Wtf?
They were both crying the second I raised my voice and they said I scared them which I'm sure I did since I don't often yell. I did apologize but also said when they hurt eachother it makes me so upset that I yelled without even thinking. So we made a pact that we'd all stop yelling/punching/biting.
I think, for me, the punching and biting should be easy to give up.:winks:

:laugh: I hope so!


Cute story Myles :)
I hadn't heard of those books, I'll look at them. I've always been told he's just a normal kid which doesn't help me feel better that I can't handle him and other people can and seem to still want more, LOL
Like, he's an easygoing kid around most people except me and DH. The only difficult behavior he's exhibited to anyone else is at swim lessons. He's great at school, great at church class, great with babysitters and neighbors and strangers at the park.

Yes, but those people aren't mom and dad. I know I was totally different with everyone else as a child than I was with my parents. My mother will finally admit now that she found me very difficult as a child (and I was her 3rd) but I was an angel for everyone else.

[Ky'sMom]

I am really freaking tired today and yesterday I went to bed at 7:30 pm to be awakened by Elle asking for watermelon at 9pm. No one had come and bothered me and I was both grateful and upset since I had things to do and didn't get my Wednesday chores done and now I won't have a chance to do them until next Wednesday (because I am just like that) so now my kitchen floor will not get mopped for another week.

DH had a surgery on Monday, I don't think I mentioned it here but his insurance increased to $600 a month so instead of keeping that plan he switched to a cheaper plan that calls for a deductible of $500 and since it doesn't change until the end of the month, he went ahead and scheduled the surgery and an MRI for his knee that he hurt a while ago so that we wouldn't have to pay anything in the future. So now DH is pretty useless and I have to do everything and just a few days of it has really worn me out! I figured he could have at least awakened me yesterday since it was Elle's bath day and I didn't give her one before bed so had to do it in the morning, which she hates.

But anyway, enough about me.

I wanted to give hugs to L and wish the twins a happy belated birthday. Four year olds are my favorite age of all kid ages. People think I'm nuts but I really love four year olds and I think it is a really fun age.

Mandy, you news is very exciting concerning the adoption!

And Kate hugs to you. I also think it wouldn't hurt to takieJosh to a child psych. I agree that all kids act differently with their mom in particular. My mom always used to tell her daycare parents that. Kids are more comfortable and secure with their parents so they know they can behave in a certain way and their parents won't treat them badly. They don't know about other people, so in a way, them misbehaving is a compliment to how secure they feel with you LOL! I remember her telling this to me when Ky was around 2.5 years old. I thought he was a holy terror then, but really now that I look back on it, he wasn't that bad and I miss his little chubby hands and cheeks and poked out lip of all things.

Bridget, I also think you are a great mom and are super strong to put up with the silly lies of your BF. My DH is very honest but lied to me once and I don't trust him like I used to and more than likely will never again. His reputation is ruined in my eyes. I know it would be difficult for me if he lied constantly about stupid things. My brother and his girlfriend are liars like that and I don't even like talking to them because of it. His girlfriend is worse than him, but I dread calling them so their son, my nephew who is visiting, can talk to them because they are such liars and procrastinators and exaggerators. It is just clownish to me. I just got off the phone with her and I had to sigh before I called because I knew she would come at me with some lies, and she did. I'm happy that my nephew will be going home soon so I don't have to speak to them as much for a while and I feel horrible about that, especially my brother whom I love dearly, but I just cannot stand the lying and I know eventually I will tell them about themselves and it will mar our relationship. They are now lying and making up excuses about why they didn't buy a ticket to come and pick up my nephew. I bought my nephew's ticket on the day that they wanted to come and get him and they were supposed to give my mom money to buy it with her credit card (because they don't have credit or debit cards or a checking account) but they never gave it to her so now I have a non-refundable ticket for my nephew and will more than likely have to pay for him to fly as an unaccompanied minor since they did not follow through and lied about what they were going to do. Liars are just exasperating.

And my DH is also one to not do exactly as he says when he is running an errand. But he will tell me what he did like he "went to the bar, then to the blues club and watched (insert certain musician) play a couple songs, then to Walmart for dog food and met (insert loser friend's name) so hung out with him in the parking lot of the Shell gas station and talked for a while (insert funny story about a bum asking them for money and DH's interestng come back) and then came home" this is a true story BTW of one of his escapades. He was suppose to get dog food from Walmart and something I needed to make dinner and it took about 3 hours and he got the dog food but not the ingredient but it didn't matter since I had finished cooking by then of course. I was kind of upset but the story was funny and he is always apologetic and doesn't lie so I let it slide probably more than I should.

Erin

[Cosmosmom]

Well, first update is that the mother is apparently working with an adoption agency, and I have the info to contact the agency. Which I think is great for her. I'm wondering, though, if it would change things from our end. Seems like the agency can set her up with a list of parents who are already waiting, so why would she use us? Well, we'll see. I'll probably contact the agency tomorrow.

I am just catching up but HAD to reply to this. Doesn't matter about the agency having already waiting families. In the US, the birth mom has all the say in who chooses for parents for the baby. The agency is not about finding babies for waiting families but matching babies to the right families.

I would much rather a birth mom be working with an agency to make sure that she is getting the support and counseling necessary for her to make the right decision....helps reduce a bit of risk when they have had that support.

[Cosmosmom]

Just popping in to say hi. We drove yesterday morning is such god awful rain storms....we stopped getting contact with the road and had to get off and stop for a while. But made to the grandparents house ok. Yesterday and this morning, grandma didn't really seem to realize that we were there....but this afternoon she opened her eyes and saw us there and said our names. They seem to have her fairly comfortable and I think she seems to have made peace with things. We are really worried about grandpa...he's 90 and has never been alone...they were married I think at least 65 years.
First experience I have really had with hospice....OMG, I don't know how those who work there do it. when we lost the uncle last fall, it was quick...we didn't get to say goodbye but I think that was easier than just sitting there watching and waiting. But the family has all been around so that is nice too.
We got to drop Cosmo off at my parents this afternoon...they are about 45 minutes south. It's just easier to not have to worry about someone (like grandpa) letting her out since the yard isn't fenced or having to be around for her medicine.

The good side is that everyone got to see the finished portfolio and were VERY impressed. :) All said that they would pick us. :) Not like they are biased or anything LOL.

I did change the meeting with the social worker....was supposed to be Friday the 5th but now will be the 12th.

Chat more when I have the time.

[daylilies]

Mandy, I hate how places have different sizes like that. The only place I know how to order from comfortably is Starbucks LOL

Thanks for all the advice guys. I just have a hard time taking each incident on its own and not going "OMG not this again" and just feeling very weary about it.

[Smplyme89]

Nolans appointment for the sweat test is on Monday. I am SO over doctors appointments it's not even funny :headbang: I don't think I told you ladies, when we went back to the specialist on Tuesday he had lost 8oz :( The medicine is helping, but he is still dropping weight. They want to check him for cystic fibrosis. Hence the sweat test. I'm also going to have to go get a container from the lab so I can freeze his poop so they can check. They think he might have an enzyme deficiency. He can have the enzyme deficinecy and NOT have CF which is what I'm hoping. I just want my baby to be rolly-polly with thunder thighs, is that too much to ask for :truce:

[Bridget]

Nolans appointment for the sweat test is on Monday. I am SO over doctors appointments it's not even funny :headbang: I don't think I told you ladies, when we went back to the specialist on Tuesday he had lost 8oz :( The medicine is helping, but he is still dropping weight. They want to check him for cystic fibrosis. Hence the sweat test. I'm also going to have to go get a container from the lab so I can freeze his poop so they can check. They think he might have an enzyme deficiency. He can have the enzyme deficinecy and NOT have CF which is what I'm hoping. I just want my baby to be rolly-polly with thunder thighs, is that too much to ask for :truce:
:hugs:

[Gwenn]

Nolans appointment for the sweat test is on Monday. I am SO over doctors appointments it's not even funny :headbang: I don't think I told you ladies, when we went back to the specialist on Tuesday he had lost 8oz :( The medicine is helping, but he is still dropping weight. They want to check him for cystic fibrosis. Hence the sweat test. I'm also going to have to go get a container from the lab so I can freeze his poop so they can check. They think he might have an enzyme deficiency. He can have the enzyme deficinecy and NOT have CF which is what I'm hoping. I just want my baby to be rolly-polly with thunder thighs, is that too much to ask for :truce:

:hugs: I'm so sorry.


I am just catching up but HAD to reply to this. Doesn't matter about the agency having already waiting families. In the US, the birth mom has all the say in who chooses for parents for the baby. The agency is not about finding babies for waiting families but matching babies to the right families.

I would much rather a birth mom be working with an agency to make sure that she is getting the support and counseling necessary for her to make the right decision....helps reduce a bit of risk when they have had that support.

Oh, I totally agree that she is getting great support from the agency and that can only be a good thing!

I'm still doing a lot of thinking about this. DH and I talked again last night and I'm just doing a lot of thinking. I haven't made a final decision but I think we've probably decided to wait. As I said, I have the RE appointment scheduled and we are going to try that one way or the other. I feel and so does DH that if we're going through the RE I want to do that before I turn 40, but if we adopt we don't have to worry so much about my age. So we really want to focus on the RE for now and then look at adoption in a couple of years if it doesn't work. I looked at the site for the agency she is using and they sound excellent. I feel like the birth mom is in great hands and will be able to find a fabulous family who has already made a firm choice to adopt, and I want those families to have a chance. I just hope I don't end up regretting that choice, but that's where I am for now. DH seems to support whatever I say last. Not that he doesn't care, but he's really being amazingly supportive.

[AmeriBrit]

Myles, that was a funny story. I enjoy reading when everyone shares random parts of their day.

Yesterday was a gloriously sunny day, so we took all 5 of the grandkids (my 2 and SIL's 3) across the fields to the pub. I don't think we'll be doing that again with 2 strollers! It was nice, though. We sat on a hill under a tree and enjoyed it for a bit. I mentioned about going to the pub with the kids and one of my English friends that moved over to America a few years ago commented about how social services would get called on him if he took his kids to a pub over there (I don't think he really likes being in America but lives over there because his wife missed her family over there). It made me realize how much I do enjoy the English culture and how well I fit in here.

Christina, I'm sending you good vibes in hopes little N can start growing soon!

[missychrissy]

Nolans appointment for the sweat test is on Monday. I am SO over doctors appointments it's not even funny :headbang: I don't think I told you ladies, when we went back to the specialist on Tuesday he had lost 8oz :( The medicine is helping, but he is still dropping weight. They want to check him for cystic fibrosis. Hence the sweat test. I'm also going to have to go get a container from the lab so I can freeze his poop so they can check. They think he might have an enzyme deficiency. He can have the enzyme deficinecy and NOT have CF which is what I'm hoping. I just want my baby to be rolly-polly with thunder thighs, is that too much to ask for :truce:
Oh :hugs: My heart hurts for you.

And you too Kate. I know it doesn't make you feel better to hear that Josh sounds like other kids, but he does remind me of Conner a lot. If I didn't already go through some of this with my girls, I know I'd feel exactly like you do. And I cannot tell you how many times people told me that all kids act different with other people than they do with their parents, especially Mom. They know they can act their worst and you'll still love them. They're always pushing the boundaries and testing the limits.

I don't mean to sound dismissive or that your concerns aren't valid because I don't feel that way at all. There's nothing wrong with seeking help, but I totally understand your resistance to do so.

Did I ever tell you I participated in a parenting program when Bobbie and Jessica were very little? It was when I was single and I went to a group every 1st Monday of the month. There was other stuff that we did individually with our mentors throughout the month, but all us women got together once a month for an education night. I really enjoyed it a lot and I'm positive it made all the difference in the world for me and my kids. That's one of the places where I heard that kids will act different for other people. Different as in 'better' Stinkers!!

:hugs: I really do empathize.

[3andMe]

Nolans appointment for the sweat test is on Monday. I am SO over doctors appointments it's not even funny

I am so sorry! :hugs:

[missychrissy]

On a happy note, Jessie's counselor said last night she's ready for discharge :hooray: I was stunned, really, but I guess he's talked to Jessie about it for a week or two already. She's kept it to herself, the brat!

Jake has tested her regularly and thinks she’s more than ready. He said for one, if she were still using she wouldn’t be doing summer school. She wouldn’t care. Like when she was actually in school and smoking pot-if she didn’t ‘feel’ like going to class, she wouldn’t. That would still be going on now if she were using. She’s getting up at 5:30 a.m. to go to summer school and she’s not missed 1 class. He said pot-heads don’t do that if they hate a class as much as Jessie hates Global. They go get high instead.

There were other indications. Me, I have thought she was being truthful and ‘good’ lately but then again I was blindsided by the whole thing to begin with so I wasn’t trusting my own instincts or gut about her at all. I always said we’d go as long as the counselor thought she needed it. I’m really putting my faith in him more than myself or Jessie. She knows I still don’t trust her 100%. That part is going to take a long time.

[Smplyme89]

Chrissy that is awesome news :hooray: I am WAY behind and guess I missed that she was in counseling :shame:

[missychrissy]

Chrissy that is awesome news :hooray: I am WAY behind and guess I missed that she was in counseling :shame:
Thanks. And yeah, it all stems from stuff that happened over the winter. On 1/10 she ran away. It was sudden and unexpected and absolutely terrifying because we had no inclination so we didn't know it was by choice. Then a few weeks after that she broke down and admitted to me that she had been smoking pot daily for 7-9 months.

I feel like we might be coming to the end of that dark tunnel. At least with her.

[AmeriBrit]

That's fantastic, Chrissy and sounds really promising that she's turning things around.

I'm sitting here eating Cheerios out of the box with Travis. We're being lazy today.

[AmeriBrit]

Double post

[Smplyme89]

Was she smoking heavily??? I went through a phase where it was a daily, morning, nightly, inbetween classes ritual :shame: Than of course I got caught smoking at school and all h*ll broke loose at home :eyeroll: I can't imagine how freaked out you must've been when she ran away, especially not knowing if it was by choice or force :ohno: I'm glad that she seems to be doing better though! Has she dissolved the relationships with her friends that she was smmoking with?? I found that when I quit smoking, I had to give up those friends since thats what they were all about and had no time for nothing else.

Ash - I freaking LOVE lazy days!! :hooray: My favorite days are the ones where I dn't get have to get out of my PJ's :laugh: They don't happen anymore, but ah a girl can dream right :laugh:

[daylilies]

Hi all, we're going to my aunt's house for the weekend. It's in Maine and we'll be coming back on Monday so I should be back on Monday night. I might even be on over the weekend, but just in case, I just wanted to let you know I'd be away. Have a good weekend!

[missychrissy]

Her first lab test indicated she was at the top of the high levels of pot intake, so yeah it was pretty intense. She didn't get caught though. One day we got off the bus and she burst into tears and said, "Mommy, I've been very bad and I want to stop." I'll never forget that moment-I had so many thoughts about what it could have been that when she said she was smoking pot, I was almost relieved. I mean, she wasn't selling herself or making teen porn or anything. :P I made the call to my former office right then and there and made an appointment with her at Alcohol and Drug Services. She had one relapse but has been clean since the end of March.

It was harder for me to present it to Rich in a way that he wouldn't react angry/mad at her. I'd worked in the field (as an administrative assistant) so I kinda had a clue on what to say/not say but Rich can be very rigid sometimes. He did good though. Part of my stress with him is that when stuff like that happens I have to think very carefully about how I word things so he doesn't blow up at the kids. I also have to choose a good time. It's very stressful. Sometimes I think it would be very nice to have someone I can depend on and just know they can take it...whatever "it" is.

Rich has a lot of other excellent qualities though, so I don't mean to make it sound like he's a bad dad/husband. He's not. Just some areas are tricky...and right now I'm feeling so stressed that I think about the areas that disappointment me more often.

[missychrissy]

Hi all, we're going to my aunt's house for the weekend. It's in Maine and we'll be coming back on Monday so I should be back on Monday night. I might even be on over the weekend, but just in case, I just wanted to let you know I'd be away. Have a good weekend!
:hi: Have fun Kate!!

[AmeriBrit]

Have a good time, Kate! I've always wanted to visit Maine and all parts of New England since being a fan of the Newhart show back in the day!

[Smplyme89]

IMO pot isn't really end of the world stuff... Not that its "right" but I'd much rather someone smoke pot than shoot heroin or smoke meth KWIM. Than again, I come from a family of pot heads so that might have something to do with it:P It's just like anything else some people can handle keeping it low key and others can't. It obviously became a problem for her and I'm glad that she asked for help. It really shows how much she trusts you :wub:

I think men, in general, don't know how to react to things in the most appropriate way. So I definitely do not think its just Rich, its mostly the male species... They tend to be idiots! :pokey:

[missychrissy]

My opinion about pot is very different. I'm not totally against legalizing it, but it's not something I want any of my kids doing on a regular basis. Similar to alcohol consumption...if they go out occasionally with their friends and have a good time (after 21 of course!) I won't think bad about that at all. But if they're throwing back a 6-pack every night, well, I'll feel very differently about that. I view pot as a similar thing...occasional use is no biggie (other than it's against the law right now) but I don't want pot heads. I'm sorry, but I don't know any daily use pot-heads irl that accomplished anything in their lives.

[missychrissy]

I know Bobbie has experimented in the past. I was disappointed but she's a teen and sometimes that comes with the territory. At least she talked to me about it. Jesi's use, however, was way beyond experimental and even she realized it was a problem for her. That's why I signed her up for help.

[Bridget]

I am so glad Jesi is doing so well! That's great news, Chrissy. :hugs:
Some of my pothead friends are the smartest and coolest people I know. It may be hard to believe but really, the two in particular that I'm thinking of were practically 4.0 college students and both of them are very successful and productive people that continue to use regularly. I also have family members that smoke regularly and you probably wouldn't even know it because they are very responsible and intelligent people. I honestly think it's a great way to deal with anxiety for some people. That said, I certainly don't want my children smoking it in highschool. I think there is a level of maturity that comes with it's use. Same for alcohol. Now alcoholism scares me. It's rampant in my family and with my history of alcohol abuse I really hope my kids don't go down that path.

[missychrissy]

I guess if you saw the negative side effects of chronic pot use like I do, you'd feel about it like you do about alcoholism. Different drug, same devastating results. I'd rather my kids didn't play with the fire.

Lots of professionals can drink with dinner every day and not be an alcoholic. That doesn't mean I want my kids drinking daily, even as an adult.

[Bridget]

I guess if you saw the negative side effects of chronic pot use like I do, you'd feel about it like you do about alcoholism. Different drug, same devastating results. I'd rather my kids didn't play with the fire.

Lots of professionals can drink with dinner every day and not be an alcoholic. That doesn't mean I want my kids drinking daily, even as an adult.
Yes, totally. I agree with all of this. We all are results of our own life experience. I'm not minimizing the seriousness of your daughter smoking pot. I wouldn't like it either.

[Smplyme89]

Chrissy I understand what you are saying. I didn't mean that it was OK for young people to smoke like that. I have no problem with legalization as long as it is properly regulated and available only after a certain age, same as alcohol. I also have no problem with occasional use. Some people can not just occasionally use though, same as alcoholics. I know some pot heads that are very successful with Masters Degrees and I know some that have dead end jobs. I think it depends more on the person and there reaction to it than the drug.

Also, a key word you used is "chronic" To me a pot head is defined as someone who smokes on a daily basis. Not neccesarily someone that smokes all day everyday. Most of the pot heads that I know, smoke at night before they go to bed. To me, thats not chronic. BUT it is still daily use (which personally I find pointless, but to each there own) There is a difference. And I'd rather be around a pot head than an alcoholic anyday :winks: Than again this just stems from my personal experience :)

[Smplyme89]

Yes, totally. I agree with all of this. We all are results of our own life experience. I'm not minimizing the seriousness of your daughter smoking pot. I wouldn't like it either.

Me either :hugs: I'm sorry if it came across that wya. I'm multi tasking and not always good at expressing emotions via the forum :shame:

[missychrissy]

I'm very anti-drug anything, even prescription. I've been thinking about anti-anxiety medication for a while now, but I really hesitate because I don't want it to become something I 'need' to get through rough patches in life.

I took a year of alcohol & drug classes with the intention of becoming a counselor, and i worked in an alcohol & drug office for 4.5 years. My perspective is vastly different. My point of view is if you need to take anything 'to take the edge off' then it's a problem. Hence my own hesitation at getting anti-anxiety prescription from a dr. I'd never do anything illegal, so pot isn't even a consideration for me.

[Smplyme89]

Just out of curiousity Chrissy, do you feel the same way towards alcohol?

Getting on the anti anxiety medication is a completely personal decision, but I can say that my mom got on one (can't remember the name for the life of me) but when she started taking it she became a completely different person. She used to freak out over every.little.thing. She was getting to the point where she was getting physically ill :ohno: Now she still has her days, but 95% of the time she is much more in control of her anxiety.

[missychrissy]

Just out of curiousity Chrissy, do you feel the same way towards alcohol?
Absolutely. A substance is a substance. I'm all about mental health and being mentally healthy without drugs as much as possible.

I'm also the last person to take her kids to the dr. They have to be sick for 4 days without any sign of improvement before I call the dr. Unless, of course, it's really severe (like a temp of 105+ that won't come down), or if they have a bone sticking out of their skin. You know, obvious that it needs immediate attention.

[Smplyme89]

I agree Chrissy, I believe in letting your body try to deal with the sickness before pumping it full of antibiotics. I never understood people running to the doctor for there kids when they have a sniffle or a slight cough :eyeroll: I think thats part of the reason taking N back and forth to the doctor is bothering me so much, I tend to think most docs are quacks :P Even though his have been awesome :laugh:

[missychrissy]

In your case you're absolutely correct to get to the bottom of it! I would too. I've only been lucky in that none of my kids have had a chronic illness of any kind. Jessica's weekly "pot-appointments" was the most intense treatment any of my kids have had. They were necessary though.

If she grows up and has a smoke here and there with friends, I won't think anything of it. I just don't want her dependent on it. Or any of my other kids. Or dependent on anything nor anyone either.

[Smplyme89]

In your case you're absolutely correct to get to the bottom of it! I would too. I've only been lucky in that none of my kids have had a chronic illness of any kind. Jessica's weekly "pot-appointments" was the most intense treatment any of my kids have had. They were necessary though.

If she grows up and has a smoke here and there with friends, I won't think anything of it. I just don't want her dependent on it. Or any of my other kids. Or dependent on anything nor anyone either.

I know it needs to be taken care of, but that doesn't keep me from being annoyed by it! :truce:

You remind me of my mom all the time, I can't get over it :wub: She raised me the same way and is quite proud when people comment on how stubborn and independent I am :laugh:

[Ky'sMom]

So glad to hear that Jesi is doing better! I hope she can remain sober and I do agree with Christina that she needs to stay away from her pot smoking friends to remain solidly sober.

Also, I agree with you about pot being a devastating drug as well. My mom was a pothead, my dad was too until he grew into more dangerous drugs like heroine, crack, cocaine, LSD and pretty much every other drug out there. But weed was always his primary drug, that and alcohol and I have a very bad opinion of it and know through quite a few people in my life that it has the potential to be just as devastating as alcohol if abused.

My brother, the one with the lying girlfriend and who is a liar himself, is a pothead and really it is amazing the transformation he has gone under from smoking it. I love my brother and he is a kind, generous person, but he is just....the only thing I can think of is he is not there anymore. He is numb and I know that underneath it he is more than likely depressed and weed is his anti-depression/anti-anxiety drug. He didn't even start smoking until he was 24. We both said we would never smoke it because of how dumb our parents used to act when they did it. We didn't want to seem as dumb as they did and he admits that now he is dumb like that. He spends most of his money on weed. He makes around 50K a year, doesn't have a bank account, he lives in a house paying $200 a month for rent and can't even keep current in that. He doesn't have a license but drives around all the time under the influence. My brother was such a great guy before he started smoking regularly and I actually miss him and am always hoping and trying to encourage him to give up smoking so much.

I also do not like drugs of any kind and I feel that perscription drugs are more of a problem in a lot of ways than marijuana. Sooooo many people are on anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds and I also feel most doctors are quacks and out for money and the main reason so many people are on these drugs is to line the pockets of drug execs and doctors and insurance companies. But I am not going to get into all my beliefs on perscription drugs or anti-depressants/anxiety drugs especially because I know so many people here on APA use them and I wouldn't want to offend them. But I just don't like drug use, ESPECIALLY in children so I am so happy that Jesi is doing better and I hope that she will continue to do well.

Erin

[missychrissy]

I think me & you share a lot of views in this Erin. I'm all for medication when necessary...it's figuring out when it's really necessary versus too lazy to do some internal work that gets me. I'll take anti-anxiety medication to get through a particularly rough patch (which I am going through) but I will not do it for life. I'll do a lot of soul searching first. And work on me. An independent-of-any-drug me. I also think if someone is taking Attivan (or the like) every day, they're not dealing with the issue. Use it to get through the worst of it, but be in counseling to learn to live without it. That's my philosophy anyway.

Jesi is switching friends. Well, she has already but she also made the choice to stay away from the charter school where all 'those' friends are, as well as the temptation and easy access to pot is. She'll be going back to her good public school this September and I'm extremely proud of her because I was truly leaving it up to her. Her counselor is convinced she's making healthy choices and knows what she's about. I tend to agree with him.

[missychrissy]

I hope I don't sound offensive. I'm only talking about what works for me and what my own hopes are for my kids. What others do really isn't my business. I only have one rule about my druggie friends (and some family)---don't do it at my house or near my kids.

[missychrissy]

I was just called for a face-to-face interview with the place I did the phone interview with last Thursday! :hooray: It's not till next Friday at 2:00.

[Smplyme89]

That is great news Chrisy!!!! :hooray:

[Smplyme89]

Erin I am really sorry to hear about your parents :( Both my parents smoked while I was growing up as well, although they never transferred into other drugs thank goodness. My parents were never "hardcore" pot heads like some I knew though. They didn't spend there entire paycheck buying weed and forego things that we needed. It was always a social thing for my mom and a little more of a habitual thing for my dad (although my dad was a POS it was for different reasons than the pot)

I am really really sorry to hear about your brother as well :( My brother has followed a similar path and it kills me. He was strung out on pills for a while, but has quit the pills and "only" been smoking pot. I'd rather that than the pills anyday. He's living his life moving from house to house while his gf and baby stay at another place :ohno: It just kills me to watch him destroy his life (he's only 18) and there being nothing I can do...

[Smplyme89]

Now that I think about. I've been surrounded by pot my entire life. Everyone (except for a VERY small few) I know personally are smokers. My husband was a heavy, heavy smoker when we got together. Took me some time to get him to realize that he could do better for himself and that he didn't need to be stoned everyday to be happy! It's such a "normal" thing in my area that I suppose my outlook on it is different. I don't particularly care what people decide to put into there bodies as it has no direct effect on me. Than again, that'll be a whole nother issue when N gets bigger if I catch him smoking :pokey:

One of my biggest deciding factors in wanting to move is to get N away from all the negative influences here. Between the town full of potheads, DH's thieving family, my druged out wacko family, and just the general consensus of "nothing" this town imminates makes me want to leave so bad!

Ah, maybe one day....

Anyway, I'll stop hoarding and posting so much... I'm sure youre all tired of listening to me :P

[missychrissy]

...a little more of a habitual thing for my dad (although my dad was a POS it was for different reasons than the pot)
How do you know? I'm not trying to be argumentative, but it's quite similar to what Jessica's counselor discussed with us last night. Daily use pot-heads do have more notable mood swings than when they're not on pot. They get angry faster-whether it's because of a chemical imbalance in the brain due to the pot or a slight bit of irritability associated with withdrawal-like symptoms is debatable, but it's clearly there. Jessica's one and only physical fight happened while she was using pot daily. imo, that's just verification that it does alter mood, even if you're not stoned when you fight/argue.

Another 'symptom' for Jessica is that for the first time ever she failed some classes and had to take summer school. Because she hated Global she opted to say "screw it, let's get high" and did just that. Now that she's not smoking, she's thinking, "well, I hate global but I need it to graduate so I'll do it for that reason." She's already making better choices for herself.

They're just two examples specific to her, and everyone reacts differently, but you cannot put a chemical into your brain and not have an adverse reaction to it. For every action, there's a reaction. If people are ok with that, then that's fine. But I don't think they should be in denial about what they're doing to themselves or their families. And again, I believe that of any/every chemical, not just pot.

[missychrissy]

Now that I think about. I've been surrounded by pot my entire life. Everyone (except for a VERY small few) I know personally are smokers. My husband was a heavy, heavy smoker when we got together. Took me some time to get him to realize that he could do better for himself and that he didn't need to be stoned everyday to be happy! It's such a "normal" thing in my area that I suppose my outlook on it is different. I don't particularly care what people decide to put into there bodies as it has no direct effect on me. Than again, that'll be a whole nother issue when N gets bigger if I catch him smoking :pokey:

One of my biggest deciding factors in wanting to move is to get N away from all the negative influences here. Between the town full of potheads, DH's thieving family, my druged out wacko family, and just the general consensus of "nothing" this town imminates makes me want to leave so bad!

Ah, maybe one day....

Anyway, I'll stop hoarding and posting so much... I'm sure youre all tired of listening to me :P
That's really tough, and becoming a parent certainly changes what you find acceptable. Most my friends in school were pot-heads but as soon as I had Bobbie I cut ties with them. I didn't smoke myself, but I didn't care that they did it. I still don't really care, but I get irritated when they say it's 100% harmless. Just like alcohol-it can be fun (I'm sure) and does have benefits but it's not harmless.

Anyway, having Bobbie made me want to get away from it and all people associated with it too, so I can totally understand your feelings there.

[Smplyme89]

I understand where you are coming and I do believe there is some validation to what you are saying But my dad had issues WAY beyond pot. He was neglected, abused, locked in closets, left hungry, all while watching his mom (and himself) get the living crap beat out of each other. Mentally, he is a shattered man who learned how to cope by becoming heartless in alot of ways. He quit smoking something like 2 years ago give or take. It forced him to confront those feelings, emotions, and get past it the best he could. He's better now, except when things get to him and he goes on a drinking binge :pokey: It still doesn't change the fact I have no respect for the man, but I'm hoping he keeps himself straight so that he can be a grandfather to Nolan. I've already made him aware that the first time he yells, throws things, etc anywhere in the vacinity of my son he will never see him again. He knows that I'm not kidding, after he threatened my life I didn't speak to him (and barely my mother for 3 years) Just recently (over the past year or so) I've allowed him to come back into my life (and move into my home) so I think I've done a pretty good job at letting by gones be by gones, but that is THE last time he ever gets a pass from me.

ETA: I like it when your argumentative, it makes me think :winks: Honestly, you ladies have such intellectual conversations that half the time I just keep my mouth shut, because I don't want to sound like an idiot :P

[missychrissy]

:( That's so sad-both for him and for you. I'm glad you're strong enough to draw a line in the sand (essentially) and say this is where the crap ends.

And I really don't mean to sound argumentative. I was just curious about the part I quoted before. The whole thing interests me and I'd love nothing more than to actually see cat scans of people's brains while they're high and compare them to when they're not...things like that.

If there was any $ in it, I would be a CASAC right now. But unfortunately I wouldn't have earned any more than I did as an administrative assistant plus I would have had student loan debt as well so I went after my 2nd interest. Computers. And in many ways computers are easier. I don't get emotionally involved in their lives :D lol

[AmeriBrit]

I always feel like such a square around people because I am very anti-drug, too. The only person I know that smokes pot is my BIL's oldest brother. I've never been friends with anyone who's done hard core drugs. My brother started off on pot back in the day and moved on to all sorts of stuff. He then became an alcoholic when he got off the drugs. He actually quit drinking a few years ago, though, because they did a random test on him at work (he works in a factory as a supervisor) and he lost his job. They sent him to rehab and gave him his job back but he still gets tested every now and then, I think. So, he has turned his life around in that aspect. He still sponges off my parents, though, and expects them to pay his mortgage, car insurance, buy him groceries, etc. I feel bad for my parents that they can't retire because they are still supporting their 35 year old son! And he (my brother) really doesn't like me and tells people that I think I'm better than everyone (because I don't take their money like he does). That's family for ya.

I guess I'm one of the few people who've been to Amsterdam and not had a space cake!

Not to change the subject or anything, but I have to share this Travis funny with y'all. We were in the kitchen eating supper tonight and we had the radio on. A song came on that had they lyrics, "All the things you said, running through my head, running through my head, this is not enough....(and then something like, 'I'm losing my miiiiind.') Travis looked at me and said, "That lady is losing it?" I laughed and said, "yeah." A few minutes later, I heard him singing, "I'm losing my miiind" over and over....LOL!

[Smplyme89]

Chrissy there is NO doubt in my mind that marijuanna has a drastic effect on the brain. What little I can remember from the drug and alcohol course that I took was that it blocks the seritonin(sp?) receptors in your brain, so that the only way you can feel happy is to smoke, snort, drink, etc....

Ash that is such a cute story!!! What a fun age, I can't wait :D

[missychrissy]

:laugh: Travis!!! :wub: He sounds so stinking adorable!!!


And he (my brother) really doesn't like me and tells people that I think I'm better than everyone (because I don't take their money like he does). That's family for ya.
If I only had a dollar for every time I've heard that. :eyeroll: Not only from family, but former friends that still smoke weed.

[Cosmosmom]

And I really don't mean to sound argumentative. I was just curious about the part I quoted before. The whole thing interests me and I'd love nothing more than to actually see cat scans of people's brains while they're high and compare them to when they're not...things like that.
l

I don't know much about pot. I have never done it, have never been around anyone doing it....I think maybe a few people I know have done it before but never around me and maybe not something now but in the long ago past.

But I do know that addiction affects different people differently. In some people, the brain scans from food are the same as those of drug addicts (though believe it was heroin in the study?). But not everyone's brain lights up for food. I'm thinking maybe pot might be similar? Same thing with alcohol.

[Gwenn]

Wow, lots going on this morning! Chrissy, I agree with you about pot and drugs/alcohol in general. It's why I rarely drink alcohol (maybe a couple times a year, tops). I just don't like to lose control of myself.

I did take anti-depressants for about 18 months but I feel the same way you guys said, that I wanted to use it as a tool to get me through a situation and learn to cope. I just don't think it's healthy to be dependent.

My parents have never used drugs, but my grandmother suffered from dementia and chronic pain and according to one nurse had become addicted to prescription morphine. It really contributed to her decline and she died in her 60's. My mother doesn't have those issues but she is the type of person who takes an OTC pill for everything, and I mean everything. I will mention I have a headache or a slight cough and she asks if I want to go to the emergency room. For a headache, seriously. I just hate that about her and that's part of the reason I really prefer not to take anything at all unless I know for a fact it's needed.

[AmeriBrit]

I just got off the phone with my mother and she chewed me out for being sarcastic on fb. I'd put a status update about being really happy that she'd sent me some clothes for my birthday and they were all really nice and fit great. Then someone said they wished their mom bought them some clothes, so I went back to them and said my mother must be making up for all the years she dressed me in yard sale clothes....that's just my humor, but it's also true. (She'd send us to school with uncombed hair as well but that's another tangent I could go off on). So, tonight, she was like, "I saw what you put on facebook...you always had clothes for school, you know." (I think in her mind she has rewritten history since she was drunk for the most part of my childhood and she doesn't like that I call her out on some of her actions). Seriously, woman, I said thanks and the clothes are lovely....get over it....Argh!

[Gwenn]

:hugs: I'm sorry.

[Smplyme89]

Ash :hugs:

[AmeriBrit]

Ah, it's all right, y'all, but thanks for the sympathy. It's probably a good thing I only see my family once every 2 years! ;)

[missychrissy]

Could it have embarrassed her that she didn't have money to buy you new school clothes? I mean, I don't think she should have chewed you out over it, but I know my kids have said things in front of their friends that have made me cringe. They're very open and honest whereas I think some stuff should be personal. I never had to buy my kids yard sale clothes for school, but we've definitely been poor and in certain people or contexts I don't like them to talk about it. Definitely not worth chewing you out over though. :( I'm sorry.

[Ky'sMom]

I would think it was the embarrassment as well. I know my mom gets embarrassed by things I say about her that she used to do when I was a child. She knows that I am like that though so it doesn't really embarrass her as much anymore. I did tell her that within the next 6 months or so, I may write a memoir and that it may not look favorable upon her and she was okay with that, but we will see.

But my mom feels very guilty about a lot of things she did and didn't do for my older brother and I. She was a much better mother to my younger brothers and had more to give to them, both monetarily and emotionally since she had a good job and had cut down on her alcohol and marijuana habits by the time they were born.

I hope your mom doens't hold it against you though, just for joking. And really I do think that it wasn't that big of a deal since you did thank her for the clothes and didn't out right say "hey my mom FINALLY got me some new clothes" KWIM. But it may just be a sore subject for her.

Erin

[Bridget]

We used to joke with my mom all the time about the way she dressed us. For example my older brother in corduroy bell bottoms and a butterfly collar on his shirt and a school picture of me wearing a puffy blouse with a huge bow at the neck that had pink elephants on it. And then looking at pictures of my cousins all dressed in the exact same outfits throughout our lives since my mom and aunts just passed around clothes for all those years. My mom never waivered that we were rockin the latest styles at the time. lol
One thing she could never explain was why she always dressed my huge baby brother in horizontal stripes. He was always like. "Ma, couldn't you have dressed me in something with a slimming effect?":laugh:

My brother. "T" and I were recently laughing about one day when we were at the farmer's market with my mom the summer before she died. She was loudly remembering how much T LOVED the wizard of oz movie and she said how he used to belt out the songs in the living room. "He loved anything Judy Garland!"
And my brother said to me under his breath, "And yet she never knew.." (he was gay)
Silly story but I love that we are at a place where we can remember my mom with more laughter and less tears.

[AmeriBrit]

You're all right about her being defensive. I suppose I grew up better than she did. She was one of 11 children and grew up in real poverty. I guess having yard sale clothes wasn't the worst thing in life but it sure didn't help my self esteem at the time. Any how, we do have our moments like this and she always just brushes it under the rug the next time we speak because she doesn't like to talk about the past much.

[Gwenn]

My parents weren't poor but they lived in an expensive area and were very frugal. I was 7.5 years younger than my sister and when I was a child I mostly wore her hand-me downs. A lot of those clothes just screamed "70's!" and they'd all gone completely out of fashion by the time I wore them. Plus, I was very small for my age and underweight, so by the time they fit me I was older then she was at the age she wore them, which certainly didn't help my being shy! Where we lived outside of NYC a lot of the other kids had parents who were lawyers or stock brokers, etc and spent a lot of money on their clothes. Ours usually came from Sears and my sister was embarrassed of them the first time around, but they were way worse when I wore them. I remember I had this really cool jacket with a huge lady bug patch on it! My mom also used to make matching dresses for my sister and me for holidays and I'd have to wear both versions of the dress as I grew into them. Looking back, I feel sorry for my sister, because they were pretty babyish for her as a 9 year old made to match an 18 month old, for example.

[AmeriBrit]

Yes, Mandy. It was the same for me except my hand me downs were from my brother who is 5 years older than me. I can remember being in the 4th grade and someone pointing out that I was wearing boy shoes.

[Gwenn]

You really hold on to things like that, definitely.

[Bridget]

I was picked on big time in middle school for my off brand clothes and home sewn outfits. And by girls I thought were my friends. My mom was quick to let me know that people like that are not friends.
I thanked her later years for sticking to her guns on things like that. Even when we had more money she would not spend it on clothes. It taught me a valuable lesson about what truly matters.

[Cosmosmom]

Hi! OMG I cannot wait to go home. I'm tired of smelling like smoke and I miss my nice clean house. And my Cosmo who is at my parents house because I don't like her being around smoke and dust and she was sneezing too much. Plus it's too hard to stop every from feeding her. I don't care if it is just a little bit of food...if everyone is giving her a "little bit" it equals up to a lot and she's not a huge dog. And I need a shower but the shower here is gross so I'm waiting until tomorrow when I get home. Thank god we thought to shower when we were at my parents and dropped off Cosmo. I would have greatly preferred to stay there but trying to be a good supportive wife to DH and supportive to my MIL.
Everyone else is at the hospice right now but I stayed home with MIL's dog. It's too hard to have too many people over there at the same time and want to give grandpa, MIL and the time and space they need. Plus I was over a bit this morning when we brought the dog to see grandma (she asked for him). And I might go with them tonight.
It's weird but I always thought grandma didn't care for me (not sure that anyone would have been good enough for the miracle baby as she told me DH was the first time we met). I just kind of tolerated (was always very nice to her face though...I'm good at acting different from how I really feel) her for years knowing she was old and his grandma and helped raise him and he loved her. MIL said though that after a few years, and especially the past 5 or so, she always talked about how much she loved me and how nice and sweet I am. I guess after 13 years, pretty much anyone can see that DH and I are good for each other and have a happy relationship.



As for clothes...I have to say that as the oldest, I never had used clothes. My mom cared greatly about how we looked in public...didn't have to be name brands but we always had nice things and looked in style. I was the one who had matching stocks to outfits and matching hair ribbons/bows/clips. I always had my hair done in various brands and ponytails. and I was chubby by age 7....mom always said that being chubby or fat didn't mean that one had to look dumpy and frumpy. and my family was not rich by any means....my dad was an autoworker and spent a lot of time laid off during my childhood.
Now my grandma did get sister and matching dresses...usually made by her lady friends and we are five years apart. So I would have the older girl version and sister would have the baby/toddler version. But we liked dressing in matching clothes.

I am so lucky to have had such a pretty perfect childhood...I know DH is jealous of that. We can't wait to give a child what I had (he knows how my parents are and we are a LOT like them).

And I have to say that I cannot see putting my child in too many used clothes unless they don't look worn or used or it's something special like a Halloween costume....or something very sentimental like something our moms saved that we wore or the baptism gown that has been in my family for over 80 years and that we all wore. if we have a second kid, they might get some hand me downs but only if still in excellent condition, they look right on that child and they are still appropriate in style.

maybe that makes me a bit snobby....but well I get new clothes for myself most of the time and only rarely wear something used...like i have one of my sisters shirts that she lost too much weight for and it's a great shirt and looks right on me....but it's not that often that we do that.

It's been a LONG week.

[missychrissy]

:hugs: Jennifer. I hope you get to go home soon. You're such a trooper for your dh. It shows how much you love him.

I didn't have many hand-me-down clothes but by the time I was 14 and babysitting for my own school clothes money I didn't mind buying my clothes at yard sales for myself. I could get more for my money and no one could tell. Like you said Jennifer, if they're in flawless condition, who cares? I think being a small female is beneficial when you're yard sale shopping...women tend to get tired of clothes really fast but don't get much opportunity to wear them out so they're still in great condition. At least that's been my own experience. My dad would give me $200 for school clothes but I'd supplement that with my own money. I've been fortunate with my kids and have always had at least $200 each for them. Usually 300 or more though...plus the $100 each for their mandated school supplies.

This year I get 3 paychecks in Sept. and one entire one will go solely for clothes, supplies, shoes, etc for the kids. Other years Rich uses his summer bonus for it, but that went toward fixing our house this year.

[Ky'sMom]

I also hope you get to go home soon Jennifer.

My mom also cared a lot about appearances and I think that is why I don't really care as much about fashion and such, because I knew that it was a sham to just look good. It didn't mean anything at all.

Mom did (and still does) buy me in fashion clothes, unfortunately they were and (still aren't) my style. I'm very classic and simple and my mom is girly and ruffley so I usually do not wear what she gave me and I stayed in jeans and t-shirts as a pre-teen and teenager. But we usually always had some off brand clothes. My grandma also bought us tons of clothes from "Pennies" (JC Penny's in case you didn't know) and Sears, which were her favorite clothes. She got us coats from Sears every year. I still have the one she got me at 18.

My mom had horrible memories of being a girl with cat eyed glasses and homemade lime green polyester outfits that my grandma made her wear LOL. So she would make sure that we always had in fashion clothes and new clothes for school every year even if she got behind on other bills and rent or utilities. I didn't think clothes were such a big deal, but she did. The only thing I didn't like was that she used to dress my brother and I alike. We are 11 months apart and I used to get asked constantly were we twins and how our names must have been mixed up by the doctor. His name is Adrian, which can be a girl's name and was more commonly known as a girls name in our town like Erin (Aaron) was more of a boy's name. Her dressing us alike didn't help my arguments that our names were not mixed up and we not twins. It really used to bother me when they asked were we identical twins :eyeroll:.

Erin

[missychrissy]

Now that my girls are older I feel like I can really empathize with 'our' parents when they get defensive or hurt about things we say-even if we're just doing it to be funny. I know I feel the same for my older girls as I do about Conner. The only difference really is the context and depth of our conversations. He's fixated on dinosaurs and not much else, whereas his older sisters have all kinds of interests and worries. But my love/worry for them is the same as it is for him.

I look back and I see where I did everything I could to give them the best that I could. I wasn't perfect, and especially for Bobbie and Jessica I was extremely broke. The worst was the $24 I spent at the dollar store for Christmas for them one year. They were 1 and 2 and don't remember it, but I do. It was all I could do to come up with that money too. It still hurts to think about.

But anyway, every once in a while they'll say something as a joke or intended to mock me as teenagers do and it hurts. Even if I wasn't perfect and sometimes had a bad day, the majority of the time I gave them everything I could and then they remember the 'bad' stuff. I don't remember the bad as much as they do-and of course their perspective is very different than mine was.

I remember giving my dad a lot of crap as a teen/early 20's and later even kidded him about stuff but I'll never do it again. Not after experiencing the frustration of feeling like I put forth the best effort I could but it wasn't 'good enough' for my girls.

I have to say, if I told them that they'd be really upset. Bobbie would likely cry. They've never thrown anything up in my face and will acknowledge that they know me & their dad did the best we could...but sometimes even when they're just being funny it simply strikes a nerve. I hope they never post about our poverty on facebook. It's one thing if they talk about that with their close friends, but I dunno...facebook is too 'public' for me and a place were I hope they keep that stuff to themselves.

Usually I have a pretty good sense of humor, but with that topic either I'm oversensitive or perhaps when there are 3 of them 'going at it' I feel ganged up on. I never thought about it too much before this topic came up here, but I do acknowledge kinda having those feelings inside and I couldn't help but think...how would I feel if they posted those on Facebook? It would definitely be worse for me if it were there than if it was a kidding-around-in-the-kitchen session at home and just us.

[AmeriBrit]

That's fair enough, Chrissy, but with my mom being an alcoholic for as long as I can remember growing up, I know she didn't always put us first or do what's best for us. We raised ourselves for the most part, so for her to re-write history and tell people she did the best she could is all a lie. In your case, I can see you are

[AmeriBrit]

*that should have ended* you are a great mom and did the best you could. (Cash is pushing buttons now!)

I suppose I'll have to keep my sarcasm in check; I was doing so well lately but it just comes out of my mouth so naturally. I always do tend to alienate people with my humor!

[daylilies]

We have enough money to go around most of the time but I try to impress upon Josh that if there are other options that are free or less expensive we should go for them. Like if we just went out for lunch, we should eat dinner at home and finish those leftovers. Or if I just bought him something at Target he can't get something else at the next store.

[daylilies]

Sorry I got cut off there, DH was trying to talk to me. I don't know if what I said was relevant anyway since I just kind of skimmed the posts since I left.
Maine is pretty...but boring. I mean you have to drive half an hour from my aunt's house just to get to anything. So Josh is pretty bored and we are too, sadly. We're not the type of people who want to go look at pretty landscapes and go to the beach for 4 days, I guess.
My aunt went to church and we're on our own until about noon when my cousin's going to meet us for lunch and show us her new house. We found a minigolf place online we might try to go to.

[missychrissy]

*that should have ended* you are a great mom and did the best you could. (Cash is pushing buttons now!)

I suppose I'll have to keep my sarcasm in check; I was doing so well lately but it just comes out of my mouth so naturally. I always do tend to alienate people with my humor!

Aw, thank you Ash. I'm sure my kid's have a different perspective but not in such a drastic way. One of the funnier examples that still 'gets' me is when Jessie harasses me for pushing her out of a swing. We were at the park and she was screeching with delight, begging to go higher each time. So I have her butt a really good shove and it thrust her off the seat and onto the ground. I caught the swing to keep it from bopping her in the head and as I cuddled her and apologized, I said, "I should have pushed the swing, not you." Anyway, she clearly remembers that and then when I was pushing Conner years later she says, "Make sure you push the seat mom." She'll also say, "That was really bright, Mom" in her full teenage 'know it all' tone when talking about it. I tell her I did those things so she can be perfect and never make a mistake.

That example is funny but there are others where I feel like a total idiot whenever the kids bring it up and I wish they'd just forget it. :P

I think your sense of humor is just fine. If she's over-sensitive about those things there isn't going to be anything you can do about it. Maybe she should go to counseling and learn to forgive herself and let it go. What's done is done, you know? I would hope my mom doesn't feel guilt about what she did because of the same reason. What's done is done.

Oh-and Erin I've often thought about writing a memoir about my own childhood. I swear it would make an excellent Lifetime movie. But I do worry about how my mom would feel if she ever read it (and she would, if she knew about it) so I don't. I'm to the place now where I don't want to cause her any more hurt than she's already experienced. Maybe it's different for me with her because she has a mental illness and couldn't help what she did.


Sorry I got cut off there, DH was trying to talk to me. I don't know if what I said was relevant anyway since I just kind of skimmed the posts since I left.
Maine is pretty...but boring. I mean you have to drive half an hour from my aunt's house just to get to anything. So Josh is pretty bored and we are too, sadly. We're not the type of people who want to go look at pretty landscapes and go to the beach for 4 days, I guess.
My aunt went to church and we're on our own until about noon when my cousin's going to meet us for lunch and show us her new house. We found a minigolf place online we might try to go to.
:( That's how the place was where we just moved from-at least 30 minutes away from anything. There was a forest though and we did take visitors out there to go hiking. We'll probably go back on occasion just because the scenery was really something-complete with gorges and waterfalls and a free place to camp (with outhouse).

When are you heading home Kate? I bet in the fall Maine is phenomenal.

[Ky'sMom]

I can imagine the things that my kids will say to embarrass me when they are older. Those comments would probably be one of the few things that will strike a nerve with me. I always think they won't have anything for their arsenal (being that I am perfect and all :angel:) but Ky already mentions things that I didn't think were all that important and really they kind of upset me and he was only like 5 or 6. Once he told me that he didn't want me to wear my hair a certain way because it embarrassed him even though he admitted that no one had teased him about my hair.

On my memoir I would more than likely change names and such and not use my real name as an author in order to protect my mom and family if I decide to try to get it published. But really I have never really tried to embarrass my mom about anything or even mention anything that I feel could potentially hurt her feelings to her or in public, even when she has outright lied about something involving the 2 of us or when I was upset and could just vent in anger. I really love my mom and feel that she did do her best and I actually think, over the whole scheme of things, that she did an okay job as a parent. She is very guilt stricken about how horrible she feels she was to me and my older brother in particular and feels a heavier burden in regards to his lying and alcohol and drug use. She also feels that the reason why I left home immediately after high school was God's way of punishing her for not doing right by me and letting me be abused by her ex-husband, which she says she begs forgiveness for every day when she prays. I actually feel very sorry for my mom as I am one to leave the past in the past and also believe in people getting over tragedies and poor parenting once they become adults. Everyone has some sort of demon or past situation in their life that may even have caused them some sort of mental trauma, but I feel it is up to the individual to realize that they may need some help in getting over trauma and doing work that needs to be done to move on with their lives eventually. I tell my brother this all the time, that he is 34 years old and it is time to stop blaming others for what is wrong in his life and take some measure to improve his situation.

Erin

[missychrissy]

lmao about being a perfect mom...in a way, that's kinda what I expected to be as well. I mean, on one level I knew it wasn't possible but I was definitely in for a rude awakening when my own kids started talking about stuff I should have (or could have) done differently. I guess that's just part of life though.

And ita with you about not letting your childhood dictate how you are as an adult. Crap happens but there comes a point when you just separate yourself from all that and work toward being the kind of person you want to be. I could use all sorts of excuses to suck as a person, wife, parent but I don't. At 35 if I fail now, it's because of me.

I'm exhausted. I just cleared out our master bedroom so we can build our bed. We had our mattress on the floor and boxes and boxes stacked all around the perimeter. Rich & Tim went to get Conner's trampoline and wooden swing set. When they get back we have to build our bed and move everything away from the basement walls as the neighbor's church is supposed to come over tomorrow afternoon to start doing the drylock on it. I feel like we're never going to 'get there' as far as unpacking. And I'm terribly embarrassed about our bathroom and hope no one needs to use it. :shame: It's bad enough we have to use it as it is.

[daylilies]

We're going home tomorrow. I bet Maine is nice in the fall, but since we get pretty foliage in Massachusetts too, it's not something I'd make the trip for.
My aunt had things to do today so we found a minigolf place and a winery (DH doesn't partake in wine but I sampled a few, and bought a bunch) and then we met my cousin to see her new house and for lunch and ice cream and the food stand had a cute playground Josh played at. Soon we're having dinner with my aunt and one of her closest old friends.
Poor DH is just going nuts here. He has to be close to things like stores and technology and it's just wilderness out here. When I was a teenager I could have gone for this lifestyle but I too got sucked into technology and shopping, LOL

[missychrissy]

My issue with living 30 minutes away from shops, even small ones, is if you run out of toilet paper someone has to drive 15 miles to get it. It drove me crazy! :crazy: Ideally, I always thought I'd love to live far out in the country, on a dirt road even. Realistically, it wasn't as awesome as I imagined. I do like to visit though.

I guess that's what makes Ithaca so great-it's a small city but they have a lot of culture, shopping, arts, and then they have camping, hiking trails, gorges, Cornell Plantations...everything anyone could want.

[3andMe]

I'm still here! It seems like every time I log on I spend my time getting rid of spammers and then I don't have time left to post anything.

I have lived WAY out in the country (like, more than a two-mile walk to the nearest road) and in the heart of big metro areas. Both places have their pluses and minuses, although I have to say in these days of having to be the grown up and carry 20 bags of groceries into the house by myself, I prefer to have my car close to the front door. Plus I associate my time in the country with not having fully functional plumbing, like not having an indoor toilet or not having dependable running water or a shower.

Still, dh and I talk wistfully about living somewhere with land. We both have really good memories of spending hours outdoors as children exploring creekbeds and watching grasshoppers and playing in mud and watching shooting stars and trying to catch fireflies. The book Boys Adrift talks about the value of (boys in particular, as the focus of that book) spending time outdoors. Unfortutely, dh's job pretty much restricts him to a few large metro areas, but luckily this area has so many large regional parks and we do spend a lot of time exploring the outdoors. We just can't let the kids out all day the way we spent our days.

This weekend dh and I traded kids. I watched the baby yesterday and he took the twins out, and today I took the twins on an all-day expedition to Angel Island while he watched the baby. We had a drive, two ferry rides, and an open-air shuttle-bus tour around the island. It was nice, but unexpectedly colder than I thought. I was cold all day and promptly came home and changed into flannel pajamas. I had jackets for the kids.

I had to talk to him about an upcoming weekend in Tahoe that we have planned, because I thought our current situation may impact it, and he said he refuses to believe or act as if we are any different than before.

[Cosmosmom]

Hi! I'm HOME. :) Drive home was much better than drive down there...down there the rain was just some of the most awful rain we have driven in. On the way home, traffic was heavy because it's a weekend and well we need to drive past WI Dells....which is a major tourist area in the summer. The freeway should be 3 lanes each way there...at least between Madison and the Dells but it's only 2 each way.
But at least I'm HOME. :) And in my robe freshly showered and no longer smelling like smoke. and I have already gotten 2 loads of laundry finished. We packed a lot of stuff not knowing what was going on and of course everything smells so even stuff we didn't wear is getting washed. God I wish we could get MIL to stop the smoking. I'm going to have to talk to her about it because the older DH gets and not that he's not around it anymore, it REALLY bothers his allergies. Smoke and cats do him under...and cats we can pretty easily avoid. Before when he lived at home, he needed to be on allergy meds and got sick a lot. Now he gets sick hardly ever (expect that to change though once we have a little kid bringing home colds from school!)...and doesn't take allergy meds.
And it really sucks knowing that most likely in 15 years, maybe 20 years, it's going to be MIL lying in hospice struggling for air and wasting away. Makes me grateful that my uncle went quickly with a heart attack.

OMG, HUGE spider on the ceiling. WHY did I look up???? And my ceilings are 9 ft tall so I cannot reach them with the stool.

[missychrissy]

Glad you're home Jennifer. Are you returning to work tomorrow already? I know after a long trip it can be tiresome to go right to work the next day.

I think some day Rich & I will buy property out in the country somewhere, but it will only be for hunting/vacation. I won't want to live any more than the 1.5 miles outside of a village like I am now. We have just under an acre and only have one neighbor directly to our left and someone diagonal across the road from us. We can see a couple other houses if we stand in our front yard and look up and down the road, but we're pretty spaced out. Nice for us. And the guy behind us has over 40 acres and we're allowed to hike/camp there, and the people behind him are farmers and also own woods/fields that we can utilize (as long as we don't destroy his field). It really is nice here.

[Bridget]

Lydia, is the trip supposed to be just the two of you?

[missychrissy]

How is he refusing to believe that your current situation changes anything? I'd think it would change everything. :(

[3andMe]

I'm supposed to go to a conference and we were going to bring the twins and leave the baby at home with grandma. He was going to watch the twins while I was at the conference one day, and spend the other day sight-seeing.

I don't know. Maybe I should just chalk this up to the big rough spot that people go through when babies are young and we just aren't getting any sleep. I have been going to bed at 11 pm and getting up at 3 am several times a week, or very rarely going to bed at 5 am and getting up at 6 am. It's really taking a toll, even though I'm pretty good at existing while sleep-deprived. Maybe if we can just muddle on and be polite in a few years things will be better.

ETA: This morning, for example, I have been up since 2:30 AM after going to sleep at 10:30 PM. I tried and tried to go back to sleep, but after trying for 30 minutes to get the baby to stop crying (we took turns), by the time he did fall asleep I was wide awake and only had an hour left until my alarm was due to go off.

[missychrissy]

I'm sorry Lydia. I can say that Rich & I have gone through cycles like that and they've come to an end. It can take a while but not necessarily years. It's not fun and I remember wondering the last time if it was going to end and if it was worth it to wait it out if it was something that was only going to occur again. Relationships are hard work, there's no two ways about it.

[Ky'sMom]

Don't know your situation L, but I agree with the below.


I'm sorry Lydia. I can say that Rich & I have gone through cycles like that and they've come to an end. It can take a while but not necessarily years. It's not fun and I remember wondering the last time if it was going to end and if it was worth it to wait it out if it was something that was only going to occur again. Relationships are hard work, there's no two ways about it.

My DH and I have gone through probably 6 of these spells in the 12 years we have been together, some are longer than others but none have lasted more than I would say 10 months. This was the last rough spell that we had after Elle was born but that doesn't count the year I left him after Ky was born. DH doesn't do too well with new babies coming into the mix, hence why I don't want anymore. I don't think our marriage would survive another one.

Erin

[missychrissy]

...DH doesn't do too well with new babies coming into the mix, hence why I don't want anymore. I don't think our marriage would survive another one.

Erin
I know ours wouldn't. We nearly broke up when I was pregnant with Conner and I think I still hold on to some resentment from that time period.

I think it's roughly every 2 years or so for us too Erin. I fear one day I might just get sick of the whole roller coaster and jump off...but then I also think that it would likely be similar with someone else and Rich really does have some great qualities that are hard to find.

[demigraf]

Happy Monday guys.

I am just getting caught up and have a hectic week ahead, but I just wanted to chime in a little after the fact that I think you have to earn your right to casual pot use. I haven't done it in years and years and years, but I just think you have to know how to cope with reality on your own before you get to go altering it with psychoactive drugs. if only there were some test to take that let you know if you were ready. Lol.

On the topic of yard sale clothes and secondhand things in general, I have to say I have a real preference for them. I mean, I know it's nice to get something brand new off the rack or shelves, but I guess I approach the topic with a real conservation mindset. It's almost difficult for me to get something new knowing how many gently used items are out there a) at a fraction of the cost of new and b) that might end up in a landfill and c) that took some sort of toll on the environment to produce and get out on the store floor. I am not trying to bash anyone for enjoying something new because I "get" the pleasure of it, but I question the frequency with which we as a society blow through our possessions and discard them while hey might need just a tiny bit of effort to repair/upgrade and/or there's still much use/enjoyment that could come out of them. Fashion, especially, can be bad ecology in that it can make you want to turnover perfectly usable garments when they're still 99% good. And the same goes for household items. I take real pleasure in finding something durable and old like a 20'yr old cast iron pan.I'd be a total hypocrite to say you won't find a few "latest" things in our household, but 99.999% of our clothes have been given a 2nd chance by us. I also like the fact that something I own had a "story" before it got to me. Of course it helps to live in a big city where there's a critical mass of people discarding their almost new things. I imagine it'd be harder in a less populous setting.

[missychrissy]

I have similar feelings Myles. I think I'm worse about cars though. I would never buy a brand new one for all the reasons you listed, and I really struggle with even buying one that's a few years old. It's appalling to me to see all the cars that get taken to the shredder that are less than 10 years old. We're both high-mileage people and I don't think a car should ever be trashed till it's no longer safe. Rich's truck is nearly 363,000 miles on it and my car is over 164,000 and still going very strong. Mileage is NOT a reason to give up a car. People just want a different one and justify it that way to themselves, that's all.

Most my own clothes are 2nd hand and a lot of my kid's are as well, but I'm way worse about buying used cars and appliances-you know, the big stuff.

[missychrissy]

I was super-duper excited to find this re-use store near me for household goodies: http://fingerlakesreuse.org/ Ithaca is a very environmentally friendly city. Not only did we save mega cash on our hotwater heater, but it kept the one we bought out of the dump and made it so some manufacturer didn't have to build another one to replace a brand new one we would have bought from a store. We paid $100 for a 2-year-old 80 gallon tank and they're typically run 700-800 brand new.

[Cosmosmom]

On the topic of yard sale clothes and secondhand things in general, I have to say I have a real preference for them. I mean, I know it's nice to get something brand new off the rack or shelves, but I guess I approach the topic with a real conservation mindset. It's almost difficult for me to get something new knowing how many gently used items are out there a) at a fraction of the cost of new and b) that might end up in a landfill and c) that took some sort of toll on the environment to produce and get out on the store floor. I am not trying to bash anyone for enjoying something new because I "get" the pleasure of it, but I question the frequency with which we as a society blow through our possessions and discard them while hey might need just a tiny bit of effort to repair/upgrade and/or there's still much use/enjoyment that could come out of them. Fashion, especially, can be bad ecology in that it can make you want to turnover perfectly usable garments when they're still 99% good. And the same goes for household items. I take real pleasure in finding something durable and old like a 20'yr old cast iron pan.I'd be a total hypocrite to say you won't find a few "latest" things in our household, but 99.999% of our clothes have been given a 2nd chance by us. I also like the fact that something I own had a "story" before it got to me. Of course it helps to live in a big city where there's a critical mass of people discarding their almost new things. I imagine it'd be harder in a less populous setting.


I get that perspective too. For me I NEVER find clothes second hand anyway...I'm just too hard to fit and the majority of the time I go in a store looking for new clothes, I leave empty handed. I don't throw clothes away until they are ratty....usually am buying new ones because I changed sizes again. When I lost all that weight after the surgery, I NEVER thought I would regain any so those I did donate knowing how hard it is to find really nice things in 4x or 5x sizes. Wish I would have kept some of the 3x's though! Well at least as I work on losing again I still have all the 2x and 1x things and will mostly need underthings.
I could see feeling differently if I was a common size with a body shape that was easy enough to fit.

Household things....I still like new. But again I don't throw things away much. I tend to buy good quality and really research things before deciding what to get. Plus I have a DH who cannot stand clutter so pretty much anything we buy we know we really need it, will really use it, and we have a space for it.

Course if something is still really nice....different story. Like my wedding/engagement rings are very old...they came from an estate sale. And after 11 years wearing them (at least the enagement part), I still just absolutely love them.
Or I like sentimental things. Like most of our xmas ornaments are fairly old but they were on my trees growing up.

[Cosmosmom]

I have similar feelings Myles. I think I'm worse about cars though. I would never buy a brand new one for all the reasons you listed, and I really struggle with even buying one that's a few years old. It's appalling to me to see all the cars that get taken to the shredder that are less than 10 years old. We're both high-mileage people and I don't think a car should ever be trashed till it's no longer safe. Rich's truck is nearly 363,000 miles on it and my car is over 164,000 and still going very strong. Mileage is NOT a reason to give up a car. People just want a different one and justify it that way to themselves, that's all.
.

Again I'm just the opposite. :P I had used cars as a teen but now I almost always buy brand new. Helps that we get a discount if we buy a certain brand as my dad is a retired autoworker. But I love the new car smell and getting exactly what I want. Plus my DH is not handy. We don't know how to do car repairs so anything that goes wrong, we have to pay someone else to fix. So I like that we have warranties on the cars....well at least mine still does. Currently have a 2001 PT Cruiser with just under 50K in miles and my car is a 2007 Dodge Caliber with under 40K miles. (can you tell we don't drive that much? :laugh: ). Both have been paid off for years. I would REALLY like a smaller SUV/Jeep. We get a good amount of snow where we live now and once it starts, we don't get warm enough for it to melt for months. I had a heck of a time seeing around snow banks last year and would love something taller. Plus when we think about doing road trips, we are fine now with what we have. But add in a baby and his/her things, not sure how it's going to fit.
Ideally though, we will keep driving both cars until the Cruiser starts having repairs that are often and expensive. DH seems to think that he might be able to pay cash for the next car so it's likely to be quite a while. Took almost 2 years from when I wanted a new car last time and he finally agreed that the one I was driving was getting too expensive to repair. Instead I sold it to a guy who knew how to fix things and he was going to have it for his 16 yr old daughter....he liked that it was a big old heavy buick.
DH thinks he would like a Beetle for himself. :laugh:

[daylilies]

We're back home! Hooray!

[Bridget]

Just about everything I own is second hand. The only thing always excluded are underwear. I even have some secondhand nursing bras. I'm looking around my living room now and the only thing we bought new in this room is the wool rug on the floor. And that's because I found it in a 75% off already reduced prices sale. It has a small snag that we just keep on the underside.

The reasons for this are all the things that Myles said.

[daylilies]

I could go for buying more used things but DH has a real problem with it especially with clothes and toys.
I feel very un-UU, because most of us are into reusing things to the extreme and we just aren't that way. We don't even recycle everything we could. I keep telling DH he can recycle magazines and junk mail and he just doesn't remember.
However we do run our cars into the ground. DH still has my first car, a '98 Corolla and I have an '03 Corolla. We're finally thinking of getting rid of the '98. It has a lot of problems and it's getting so that it's not worth keeping around. We barely need a 2nd car but we keep it around for emergencies.

[Cosmosmom]

Kate I'm a UU too and not that much into used things. I just do other things to help the environment like be energy efficient and recycle and probably next year will try a rain barrel. i don't think that you have to be a certain way to be a UU.

[daylilies]

See those are things we don't even do that much. DH likes to run the ac all day and gripes at me if it's not on when he gets home. I guess it's cool that we have a vegetable garden? A whole bunch of tomatoes were ready when we got back and our pumpkins are growing!

[daylilies]

What I like most about UUs is the acceptance and diversity but it seems like all of the ones I know are very socially aware, they're into the world issues and being earthy crunchy and some are a little over the top about it. I'm more like, I like it that they accept the lgbt community and that they teach a lot of valuable lessons to the kids rather than teaching the ways of one credo. I value my experiences as a UU preteen/teen and I would like Josh to experience that. But I'm not sure I quite fit in as an adult.

[missychrissy]

We could definitely stand to be more crunchy at our house. It's one of my goals in life.

Our neighbor and his church were over. omgoodness what an...adventure? First, they're not doing 5-7 like Jeff (our neighbor said). They didn't leave till nearly 9 o'clock! They got busy though and there were a ton of them! I didn't really know what to do and a 70-year-old woman ended up re-doing some of the scraping I had started. :shame: Then I was painting the drylock under my dh's workbench, bent over under that and showing my tramp stamp. I was too tired and my knees hurt too bad to really care, but I'm sure they're going to talk about how wonderful Rich is and what a wreck I am :lol: It's ok really. They were all very nice.

I tried hiding upstairs a couple times but there was someone at every window. :shock: They are also scraping/painting our window sills and of course building our chimney so even on the side that's 2 stories tall we had men looking it. It just put me on edge.

Oh-the best part is I forgot my text message notifier on my Blackberry is a cartoon-y voice saying "Hee hee haa haa, text message! Thank you Jesus!" That went off and one of the guys burst out laughing. :shame:

I'm going to hell. I just know it.

[demigraf]

Lol, Chrissy! well, you'll have lots of company. :D

[Bridget]

I made a new friend. Maybe even friends. I went to that homeschool/playgroup last week on friday and it went so well. There were only 3 families but they were all very welcoming. All three moms said to me at some point in the afternoon that they strive to be inclusive and non judgemental and I got the distinct feeling that there must be another homeschool group in the area that is very religious. I didn't ask though.
Anyway, one of the moms has 3 boys aged 3, 4, 6 and she came over with her sons today and is going to start bringing them to my daycare on a partime basis. They get along so wonderfully with Savana and Kai and actually all the kids at the park got along so well. Savana usually takes a long time to warm up to kids and is usually right by my side for so long that by the time she's ready to get to know kids, it's time to go. But not the case with this group. She jumped right in and all the kids were so sweet and they all hugged each other when they left! Savana and Kai sort of stood off during the hugging at the park and so all the other children just gave them a wave which I thought was very intuitive of them since they didn't know each other very well. But today when the boys left they each hugged both Savana and Kai and it was very sweet.
I'm excited to get to know everyone better and excited for my kids that we have found some families that have a lot in common with us (homeschooling, natural living, etc) and some kids our age to hang out with, especially as the other kids their age I care for are all going off to kindergarten this year.

I think what hooked Savana was when we arrived at the park I overheard one of the kids ask Savana what she wanted to be when she grew up and she said she was a nature girl and wanted to save endangered animals and start a club for people in the whole world who want to save nature. All the kids were like, "That is so COOL! I want to be in your club!" Savana was beaming. :wub: I have heard her say that in other groups of children, including in our daycare and the kids are like :eyebrow:. She even said on the way home that it was the first time kids ever got excited about her club. I was happy for her.

[Bridget]

Lol, Chrissy! well, you'll have lots of company. :D
Good company. :angel:

[Cosmosmom]

See those are things we don't even do that much. DH likes to run the ac all day and gripes at me if it's not on when he gets home. I guess it's cool that we have a vegetable garden? A whole bunch of tomatoes were ready when we got back and our pumpkins are growing!

I think that it's fine to do whatever you feel you can do. I basically run my AC all summer...and I keep it at 71 or 72. I just do not do heat well at all. Knowing this about me, what I did was try to build the house as energy efficient as possible and since I had to buy all new appliances anyway, I made sure that they were also energy efficient.

I know many at my church are very into the outdoors and nature. Doesn't mean that I don't belong just because I'm not. I like nature, I just don't really like being in it all that much.

I am so jealous of anyone with tomatoes. They are my absolute favorite food....and I have some little green ones but I think deer are messing with them. At least I had a success with the broccoli, gotten a couple of green bell peppers and like 7 or 8 cucumbers so far.

[Cosmosmom]

What I like most about UUs is the acceptance and diversity but it seems like all of the ones I know are very socially aware, they're into the world issues and being earthy crunchy and some are a little over the top about it. I'm more like, I like it that they accept the lgbt community and that they teach a lot of valuable lessons to the kids rather than teaching the ways of one credo. I value my experiences as a UU preteen/teen and I would like Josh to experience that. But I'm not sure I quite fit in as an adult.

I wish that we could go to the same church. I like the acceptance part too and I like the liberal part. I like that the environment is important but I'm not as earth crunchy as many I know either.

[Cosmosmom]

LOL Chrissy!

Bridget that sounds so exciting for both you and the kids!

[Ky'sMom]

So excited you found a group of nice homeschoolers Bridget!! I considered homeschooling Ky for a while before he got accepted into his current school because I felt that teachers didn't appreciate what a great kid he was. I am so weird since it wasn't even about academics LOL. I was just like "they do not realize how special he is so I don't think they should get the pleasure of having him come to their school anymore!" Ky loves going to school though, because I "am harder than school" plus he loves his friends and drama club and drawing comics with his classmates. But it is so great you found an accepting community. I looked around here and most groups had some sort of agenda, either religious based or Afrocentric and even though I am black I don't like any sort of "centric" education since I feel that we are all connected and one culture is no more important than the other. It would have been worse being in one of those groups than a religious one IMO. Plus most of them are uber religious anyway and are vegans and I would get crazy stares for not being vegan LOL!

I also like used clothing but for myself I usually have to get new clothes. DH and the kids get 2nd hand stuff primarily but my boobs are something else and it takes me hours upon hours to find something that fits me. But I admit I buy clothes at dollar stores and people think I'm nuts for that. A store here called Maxway has a $5 dress sale every summer (it is coming up and I'm excited!). They sell dresses that can cover my boobs without making me look ridiculous. But for work clothes I do buy expensive new clothes because I am the first person seen in the office and I want to make sure I look presentable and a button is not about to burst from my blouse and knock someone's eye out.

I do run cars into the ground though and would probably never buy a new car unless I could buy it with cash and that's not going to happen any time soon. Though I do sometimes want to buy one just to help out the auto industry. I have a couple family members who work for Jeep in Toledo. They are one of the few places in Toledo where you can get a job that pays well and I would like to support the workers but I don't like paying car notes.

Erin

[Cosmosmom]

I do run cars into the ground though and would probably never buy a new car unless I could buy it with cash and that's not going to happen any time soon. Though I do sometimes want to buy one just to help out the auto industry. I have a couple family members who work for Jeep in Toledo. They are one of the few places in Toledo where you can get a job that pays well and I would like to support the workers but I don't like paying car notes.

Erin

I am with you on find stuff to fit the boobs...I have DDD's myself. But the bigger problem is the rear...I'm like one size in my shoulders and like 1-2 sizes bigger in the hips/rear. It's something when I can find clothes that fit me right. Usually end up paying $50 per pair of pants. Boo.

Go Jeep! My dad is retired from Chrysler so almost all in my family drive Dodge/Jeep/Chrysler cars. I look forward to when I can get myself a Jeep. :) Depending on the final adoption costs and if we can actually get assistance from work....we might be able to pay cash for the next one. Previously what we did was put down a good chunk (but not too much or the jack up interest rates) and pay it off in a year to 18 months. Before we did that to boost our credit scores but I think that we probably don't need that help anymore now that we are older and have the house.

I think that I'm probably kind of spoiled...which is funny considering half my childhood dad was laid off and the early years of marriage were very lean.

Been talking with DH tonight about girl names. We know a boy will be Theodore...that has been set in stone for years. We had a middle name...actually a choice between two but we are leaving middle names open so the birth family can give some input.
Girl names have been giving us some trouble though. We like longer formal names...nothing in the top 50 right now. Similar to our names of Jennifer and Anthony but have decent nicknames if we or they want to go there. So tonight's possibilities are Rebecca, Vanessa and Cassandra.

[missychrissy]

That group sounds great Bridget :hooray:


I do run cars into the ground though and would probably never buy a new car unless I could buy it with cash and that's not going to happen any time soon. Though I do sometimes want to buy one just to help out the auto industry. I have a couple family members who work for Jeep in Toledo. They are one of the few places in Toledo where you can get a job that pays well and I would like to support the workers but I don't like paying car notes.

Erin
Ok, that thought has crossed my mind and in my dream of dreams I'd buy a brand new Dodge Challenger. You know, just to help the auto workers out. :winks: :laugh:

[Cosmosmom]

Ok, that thought has crossed my mind and in my dream of dreams I'd buy a brand new Dodge Challenger. You know, just to help the auto workers out. :winks: :laugh:


That is a pretty hot car! My sister had talked about getting one of those but reality is that she wants gas mileage as a priority....and cannot afford the chevy volt. Dad and I want her to get a small SUV...right now she lives at home and drives a neon. So when it is nasty snow, Dad or the uncle that lives with them will bring her to work in one of their suv's. But she has been applying for different jobs and likely would move to a different city at some point....so we think that she should go for something a bit bigger and heavier that can handle the snow we get in WI and Minnesota where she's applying for jobs.
I get to go car shopping with her next time she visits....I like going to dealers and window shopping cars....so far on the list to check out is chevy equinox and gmc terrian. Sadly she doesn't car for any of the jeeps....though we might stop off there too.

[Ky'sMom]

I have always wanted a Mustang and I have promised myself one for my 45th birthday. I love how they brought back the old style body and I have been kind of drooling for one and even considered getting one recently as my van is still broken. I have a Dodge Caravan right now. I think I mentioned here that the mechanic broke my van. Unfortunately he broke the transmission I found out, so now I have to pay $1800 to get a new one and since I ransacked my auto account last month and there is nothing there except $200 I will have to wait until the middle of this month until I have enough money to get it fixed. We also have to pay to sue the mechanic who broke it as he promised if we found out what was wrong, he would fix it but once it was the transmission he backed out of that. Plus our new guy (a transmission specialist) said that it was indeed damaged due to the repair of the previous mechanic. We are going to have him rebuild the transmission to document exactly what was broken so we can take it to court and get the costs back for the repairs and for the expense I have had to incur due to him breaking my van. We had to rent a car to go on our vacation and I have to spend $60 extra dollars a week in gas due to driving DH's truck which is old and has horrible gas mileage. I probably put about $100 a week in the tank and we rarely even go outside of a 5 mile radius. I wish we had more convenient public transportation here. I am too impatient to wait a whole hour after work to get home when I can drive there in 10 minutes.

Erin

[missychrissy]

Oh man Erin. That crap chaps my hide like nothing else. Ugh.

I was just reading an article about a city in RI filing bankruptcy. One of the concessions they were asking the retirees was up to 50% reduction in their retirement, plus paying a large portion of their health care. :shock: I have little hope of any retirement or social security being around by the time we get there. It's really scary to me. I mean, I worked in civil service and one of the reasons was that while the pay wasn't great, there was a retirement that I felt I was working toward. What do you do when you're retired and your company decides they cannot/will not pay you what you worked 20+ years for?

[Cosmosmom]

I think that they just need to tax ALL income for SSI and not stop at what 108K. That would help that there. My employer has a pension BUT I'm not counting on it and also we have other accounts set up. So I took a class a few weeks ago and if I want to retire at 65 and guess that I will live until 90 and want an income of 50K a year for those 25 years of retirement....I will need 1.2 million in retirement. Yikes! And who knows if 50K will be enough...I just picked that because of easier math.

[daylilies]

That is scary Chrissy :(
Jennifer I absolutely love tomatoes but I have a feeling I'm going to be sick of them by the end of the summer.
Bridget, that is so cool about your new friends. It's great when kids have similar interests.
I do have one church friend who I feel is not so fanatical about things but I guess we don't really hit it off or something because I'm always trying to do things with her and she just goes "Oh yeah that would be fun" and I never hear back again. I'm just not at the point where I'm going to push the issue anymore.

[daylilies]

So I heard Ezekiel bread was good so I found some today and bought it, unaware that it had a Bible verse on the packaging. Now I feel like I need to bring it back LOL

I know DH is going to make fun of me for it later!

[missychrissy]

Can you can any of the Kate, or make homemade tomato sauce for spaghetti? We have some that was given to us...omg, I cannot eat Rague any more!! lol

:D Too funny about the bread with the bible verse on it.

[daylilies]

I think I'm going to make marinara. Other than that, probably have a lot of tomato and fresh mozz salads :) Mmmm. Plus my mom wants some tomatoes so I will bring a bunch to her and maybe bring a basket of them to the family reunion in a couple weeks if a bunch are ready by then.

[Cosmosmom]

You could also do tacos. I need several tomatoes for tacos or taco salad. :) And sandwiches/subs at home.

I love me some spaghetti but have never made a homemade sauce before. I just usually get jarred sauces and doctor them up a bit.

[daylilies]

Thing is Dh doesn't like tomatoes in any form except sauce :( Josh likes to pick them off the plant and eat them but isn't as big a fan of tomatoes in things.

I have never made marinara either and I think it's about time I did!

I made a tomato, basil and fresh mozz salad for dinner but couldn't find my olive oil! How did I lose a whole bottle of olive oil?

[Gwenn]

:hi: Mmmm, you guys are making me hungry!

[daylilies]

I made pickles today! I forgot to tell you guys we have giant cucumbers. They're seriously almost a foot long and very light green/yellow. I made pickles from the smaller ones but they take 10 days to marinate. I guess I could slice up one of the monster ones and just try it in a salad or with salt.

[Gwenn]

That sounds really good!

[Gwenn]

So I decided to start a speech blog. I've been thinking about it for a long time, but I just got motivated because I've had a bunch of people seek me out and ask me about stuttering in preschoolers. (Myles did in this thread, and then I had some PMs on the subject, and then I saw someone posting about it somewhere else in this forum). I seems to be a really common concern, and when I google I really don't see any good information at all on the subject. So I wrote a blog post about stuttering and I'm going to put it up. I made DH read it and he said I needed videos, especially if my target audience is mothers of young kids. So I searched on YouTube and found a good video from the Stuttering Foundation that has kids talking about their stuttering, so I feel fine about using that as an example because the kids and their parents were okay with them being in the production talking publicly about their speech and it's available for free. Then I tried to find a good example of a normal kid who's just a little disfluent and there were tons, but they seemed more like videos someone just posted of their kids and didn't have a ton of views. I'm really not comfortable linking to someone's kid if it only has 500-1000 views even if they did put it up on YouTube. So I tried to search for the ones with the highest # of hits and found this really cute little girl telling the plot of Star Wars, but I'm not convinced she doesn't actually stutter! Either way, it isn't a clear example. So I'm wondering if it's okay to link to a lesser viewed video like that. Or if someone on here wants to volunteer a video of their own kid not stuttering? :) I promise I won't identify names or do anything questionable with it. I couldn't take a kid from work as that would be crossing a line between my job and my private practice (such as there is but they don't want that line being crossed). What do you guys think?

[daylilies]

You could comment on the video itself asking the user if you can use their video. I wouldn't feel comfortable linking to someone's video from a blog either.

[daylilies]

Would a video of a child singing count? I don't have many videos of Josh just talking but I have that one of him singing the Santa song from this past winter. I don't know if you saw that one.

[Gwenn]

I did watch that one and it was really cute (and I think I remember that it was a great example of what I was talking about) but I'd rather have talking than singing. Is it all singing or does he talk somewhere?

[3andMe]

I can give you a video of a kid not stuttering, if I have the right age range for you. Claire is pretty verbal. Her main speech problem is that she will sometimes get ahead of herself when she is talking because she is so excited about something and then she will every once in a while stammer a little because she can't get all the words out at the same time. It might take a few days for me to get one, though. How long does it need to be?

[daylilies]

No, it's pretty much just him singing the song.
I can try to take a video of him talking...do you want him to be answering questions or just going off on a rant? LOL

[Gwenn]

That's just what I mean. Occasionally stammering when they get a little ahead of themselves but not anything abnormal. Doesn't need to be long, just long enough to get the point across. 30 seconds to a minute ought to be fine. If it's cute, like telling a funny story, even better. :wub: Whoever wants to - or if both of you do, that's fine, too! The more, the merrier!

[Gwenn]

A young kid explaining how to play a game like hide and seek is usually pretty amusing...

[3andMe]

Okay, I'll work on it! I have zero video editing skills, so I don't know if you can cut out any adult prompting in it. We do a lot of storytelling around the dinner table, but we always take turns. DD is not used to telling a complete story by herself.

[Gwenn]

I'm sure it will be fine. If she's slightly out of her element it might even make the example better.

[daylilies]

I tried to get a video of Josh but I have so much stuff on my camera still, it wouldn't take a very long video.

One of the local radio stations here is having a concert on the 20th with a variety of artists and one of the New Kids who has done some solo music is going to be there. I got tickets, but in my excitement I didn't look at the chart very carefully and got seats in the very last row. (thinking it was first row, of course)
It's a pretty small theater but I'm still kicking myself. So excited though! It's in the town next door!

[Gwenn]

Exciting! Have a great time.

Thanks for trying with the video. Like I said, it doesn't need to be long, just long enough to show what I'm trying to point out.

[missychrissy]

:hooray: Kate!!!! You can't change the tickets for better seats?

I'm not sure I have much video of Conner talking, especially not by himself. I'm horrible about filing my pictures and videos too...I tend to save them by month/date, with maybe the kid's birthday in a folder within the month/date if we do something special during that time. 12/2010, for example, has a Christmas folder in it. And a getting our tree folder too. :P But it doesn't make it easy to find things like "Conner talking".

[daylilies]

Nah, when I went back the only seats left were only 10 or so rows further up, not worth buying them and trying to sell the ones I already have. It's fine. It only has 1200 seats. I'm holding out for great seats at a Joe show anyway :)

[demigraf]

kate, when we had a bumper crop of tomatoes one year, we made a lot of ratatouille and gazpacho. If it's super hot in MA, gazpacho could really hit the spot (mmmm... am thinking of making it tonight, but with store-bought toms)

erin, can I just say that totally S*CKS about that first mechanic? If it makes you feel any better, my dad used to use this guy called "Mars" over a dozen yrs ago. He worked out of his home and we always thought we were getting a good deal. So one time, I had him change my timing belt. And for whatever reason, my car started stalling. So I took it back, and whatever he did to fix it cracked the new timing belt. So he replaced it again at a cost, because I couldn't prove he cracked my timing belt. But the car never stopped stalling. So THEN he ended up buying the car from me at a fraction of the cost I could have sold it if it were fully functional. And had the nerve to ask me to not put his name on the pink slip, because he was planning to flip it within the month (after he was probably planning to fix it). Grrrrr. Why did my parents and I let him get away with all that?

gwenn, I hope it's ok I pointed one of my DD room mamas to you, so you might hear from her with a question about resources for her LO who is B's age and hasn't started speaking. I just scoured a dozen or so videos I uploaded of Bodhi only last week and was surprised to find not one of them showed him being disfluent, even though it happens often. I suspect it was because he was playing and very relaxed while I was shooting the videos.

------------------

Another story I meant to share from last week: There's this guy I work with who has the same last name as my maternal gram's maiden name, so I joked with him on my first day on the job that we might be related. Well, after that I got it into my head that he "liked" me, because he was being really shy but going out of his way to be friendly. And for whatever reason, since my childhood, I have gotten very easily creeped out by guys showing interest in me when I don't like them "that way". I used to be very mean and withering in those circumstances, probably because the discomfort from the attention was making me angry. But I'm really proud of me because I forced myself to be gracious, probably for the first time in my life, and stayed friendly to him - talking about basketball when we ran into each other in the hall - even though my skin was crawling from the interaction. And I am SO glad I did that, because the guy started totally relax around me. Then my boss told me I should sit with him and have him train me on one of the databases. They guy turned out to not only really know his stuff and have a lot to teach me and can support me going forward, but he also is a stand-up guy. He totally opened up to me about how he and his wife are going to try to start a family next year. He share that both parents abandoned him as a child and his aunt raised him. And how his mom got back in the picture when he was still school age, but he feels more like his aunt is his mom. Plus he's going back to the old country to meet his dad for the first time and - he said this - "be there for him" if his dad needs any help financially. He has an older brother who met their dad only last year, and the brother wants nothing further to do with him, but this guy is just so convinced that he's ready to accept his father no matter how he turns out to be. I couldn't help but warn him to hope for the best, but expect the worst, and he said he already felt that way. I am now scolding myself for initially throwing up that wall, and wondering how many others out there did I treat badly because I imagined they wanted something from me that they didn't?

/end of ramble

[daylilies]

Gazpacho might be good. It's just hard for me to judge how much of something I should make for myself...DH won't eat gazpacho and Josh probably won't like it either.

I did however find a yummy sounding cucumber avocado soup recipe I'm going to make when the avocado I bought ripens.

I'm the opposite of you Myles. I usually have no idea when someone likes me "that way" or is just trying to be nice. I didn't have a clue when a guy I worked with had a crush on me for about a year before he finally spilled the beans. I wouldn't worry about those people in the past though, there's nothing you can do about it and at least maybe now you'll be less guarded now that this one situation has worked out.

[Gwenn]

What neat story! He sounds like a great guy and I'm glad you can be friends. I'm more like Kate in that I'm usually totally oblivious. Sometimes I imagine things that aren't there, but honestly since I work with preschoolers and elementary age kids I don't work with many guys and most of the ones I do work with are goofs. I usually make buddies with the janitors, though, for some reason. They tend to be more normal than male elementary teachers/SLPs and you can joke around with them.

[Ky'sMom]

I usually have a "feeling" about people as well, but I am very mistrustful in general so I usually put my mistrust to the side and just be myself. I'm glad you did and that you met a nice person out of it.

To this day I am always surprised when people turn out to be decent. I initially always expect the worse, especially about those I get a "feeling" about so when I am proven wrong I take it as proof that goodness is more prevalent than evil.

Erin

[Gwenn]

I've narrowed my name choices for the blog to Wordy Ways, and now DH says it sounds like a writing blog, not a speech blog. :pokey: What do you think?

[daylilies]

It does sound a little more like a writing blog.

[missychrissy]

...And for whatever reason, since my childhood, I have gotten very easily creeped out by guys showing interest in me when I don't like them "that way". I used to be very mean and withering in those circumstances, probably because the discomfort from the attention was making me angry.

I used to be just like that. Heck, in certain circumstances I can still be like that. Especially if he's particularly crass or disgusting in some way. I'm glad you held yourself in check in this and it's worked out. I wouldn't worry about the guys in the past either. I tend to think that if they didn't deserve it then, they probably did other things that warranted being taken down a peg or two. :P


I've narrowed my name choices for the blog to Wordy Ways, and now DH says it sounds like a writing blog, not a speech blog. :pokey: What do you think?

I haven't a clue. It sounds good to me, but I'm not clever with naming things like that at all.

[daylilies]

It's all about children's language, right Mandy? You could name it 'from the mouths of babes' or 'children should be seen and heard' or some other play on a common phrase like that. Or is that too long? what about Precious Words or Innocent Words? IDK. I can brainstorm more if you like.

[demigraf]

Kate's got a knack for coming up with names! I think, Mandy, if you give it a subtitle like "Musings on SLP", then Wordy Ways will be a great name.

I have a confession. I have a blog about a 121 day nutrition & fitness challenge I put myself on. it focuses on portion control 3 conscious positive choices I made each day, tracking what I ate and how much I worked out, and what the yummiest thing was I ate that day. I figure, after 121 days, that's gotta do some good, right? Weaning made me put on weight!

[missychrissy]

What an excellent idea Myles! I need to start thinking about getting my crap together. My weight has started to climb back up despite smoking. I really need to get rid of the cigarettes and find a healthier way to manage my weight. Your blog sounds like a great idea.

How did you come up with 121 days?

[daylilies]

That sounds like a good idea Myles.
My weight is creeping back up too. After the cruise I really let myself slip. Thing is I think about meals too early. Around 10:30 I have good intentions for lunch but by the time even 11:00 has rolled around I've talked myself into something much less healthy. On the half hour drive from the pool to Panera today I talked myself down from a half salad and got an Italian panini :(

[Gwenn]

I've gained weight since DH came home, too. I'm only maybe 10 lbs overweight but I weigh as much or more than I've ever weighed and I'm not happy with myself right now. I was underweight for years and I don't care for this.

That's a great idea for a blog, Myles!

Kate, From the Mouths of Babes was actually my #2 choice. (Myles actually suggested it on fb - thanks!) Maybe I should go with that since two people suggested it independently and I really like it. I will agree that it sums up the point nicely and is catchy.

[daylilies]

Great minds think alike :P

What do you think about kids saying random things or refusing to answer direct questions? A lot of the time when DH tries to talk to Josh, like ask him how his day was or what he's going to do today, he'll respond with something nonsense like 'peanut butter' or refuses to answer at all. It frustrates DH because they don't get a lot of time together and he just wants Josh to have a conversation with him.
I know this is probably more of a behavior thing than a speech thing but figured I'd ask.

[Gwenn]

I think it's a behavior thing, not a speech thing, if it's only happening with DH. I wonder if, because your DH doesn't spend as much time with Josh, he's a little uncomfortable in the way he approaches him and Josh senses that and doesn't like it? That's not terribly uncommon, especially with dads. Or maybe it's an attention thing.

Does Josh ever spend time with DH alone? For an extended time, I mean, like an outing together and not just while Josh is playing by himself.

[missychrissy]

Conner will do that if he doesn't feel like answering us. It doesn't seem to happen with one parent more than the other, and in fact even if Rich asks something and gets nonsense back, if I repeat the question or rephrase it I'll get the same response. Or worse, he'll start melting down. He'll either respond in a non sequitur or simply make up his own language..similar to the adults on the old Peanuts cartoons.

[Ky'sMom]

Peanut butter LOL!!

Ky STILL does this. Mostly in school. He always sayd "I like pie" just out of the blue. He also will say "Chocolate." He says he just wants to say it. School starts next week and I have already had to discuss with him his sweet phrases. It was pretty funny because it made his teachers want pie, chocolate, and cupcake so they joke with him that he is attempting to ruin their good eating habits. So then he'll go "you know you want some....chocolate.....cherry pie." He is really silly.

Personally I would go along with peanut butter. When Ky says "chocolate" I say "chocolate chip cookies" and we go on and on about anything that goes with chocolate until we run out then we say really silly things like "chocolate covered computer" and just have a giggle. But I am silly and your DH may not be as silly as I am.

Ky started doing this when he was in Pre-K so around Josh's age. He used to say "I wish I could fly" during all sorts of conversations and just out of blue.


Erin

[daylilies]

Well it's comforting to know it's a common thing! I don't think DH is uncomfortable with interacting with Josh. He speaks to Josh normally just like I would, saying "So what did you do today?" and sometimes Josh is ready to tell a long story and other days he just shuts down. I'm not really worried about it, I just feel bad when DH is trying to connect with him and he's often rejected.
They don't spend a lot of time alone. DH gets home right around Josh's bedtime on the weekdays. On weekends we usually all go out together but sometimes DH will take Josh to his parents without me. But they don't have much one on one time.

[Gwenn]

I agree with the others that it's likely just a boy thing but sometimes I see dads who just don't seem to know how to talk to a kid and the kid shuts down. Glad that isn't it.

[AmeriBrit]

I'm like Erin and we just go on with the silliness for a laugh. But we don't take ourselves very seriously around here.

Myles, your blog sounds really cool. Do you have a link to it? Or have I missed it somewhere? (I'm hungry and my brain doesn't work properly when I'm hungry).

Mandy, I like the name of your blog.

I'm off to go on a massive cleaning spree in the house; both boys have had a stomach bug today so I'm going to go clean everything in sight.

[Cosmosmom]

I'm also in the needing to lose some weight (well a lot of weight but really 30 lbs would make me pretty happy!). I was doing welll with the elliptical every other day.....until I was gone for almost a week. But I got back on last night! I know that exercise alone isn't enough but my main goal is to lose some weight but really just to be healthier and feel stronger/more flexible/less aches and pains. I feel really badly on my knees a couple of times when I was younger (but still an adult!) and so they can creak and grind a lot. I think that the elliptical does help with that.
And I'm hoping that if I can use that on a regular basis and get our money's worth, than DH will agree to one of those home gym weight machine things in a couple of months. I like weight training but not with hand weights.

And probably the biggie for me is to keep away from the alcohol. I can drink a 1.75 liter bottle of wine easily in 2-3 days....by myself. I'm thinking that is probably a lot of calories I don't need. Good news is currently we are out of alkie in the house.

[Gwenn]

Oh, get this. I'm sure you've all forgotten by now, but by any chance do you remember back in February or March I was complaining about the refrigerator being broken at work? I complained about it to the director several times and she looked at it and said to "tell me when it is really broken." Meanwhile it stank from all the food that was rotting inside it and the freezer wouldn't keep ice frozen. She did put a work order in to have it fixed, and the repair guys just broke it even more but nobody did anything about it. I actually found a fridge for sale on craigslist for $100 and was trying to convince my coworkers to all chip in to buy it but that was when the repair guy came out and the whole thing got dropped.

Well, last night our area director (so the other woman's boss) sent an email around stating that the fridge in the lounge was broken and people shouldn't use it, and she had found someone who would be willing to donate an old fridge to replace it. Seriously, this is 6 months after I started complaining about it. And they won't even admit it is broken until after they found a replacement???? (And yes, I have my work email sent to my phone. I'm insane that way).

[daylilies]

LOL Mandy all I have to say is :crazy::headbang:

[daylilies]

Wahhh, we just watched the last episode with the 9th doctor (for you Dr. Who fans) I'm going to miss him :( but I hear David Tennant is really good.

[3andMe]

I remember the Saga of the Fridge, Mandy, and sheesh! Speaking of which, not only does dh have his work email sent to his phone, but he has international work email sent to his phone so every morning around 4 am he gets about 30 emails in a row and his phone vibrates *bzz* *bzz* *bzz* *bzz* *bzz* (you get my drift). Plus he has two phones and one phone forwards the messages to the other phone. So it's double the bzzing. The other night all the bzzing woke me up so much I decided the phones had to stay outside of the bedroom. I had just HAD it! Luckily, he understood, and d/c'd the bzzing.

I tried to get some videos of my kids talking tonight. It was very difficult. DD was cranky, and didn't want to do it. I tried to bribe her with a tv show. DS decided he wanted to be in the video. So I got a video of them talking together, and then DD stomped off and DS just talked and talked and talked but there were numerous interruptions. I stopped and started the camera when the baby came up or when DD said "Are you DONE yet?!!!?" but he talked about the large hadron collidor, about sea creatures, about how steam paddle wheel boats work, and hey, there's a big tree in the yard and how that's a really cool tree, and we took a boat to Angel Island the other day, and look there's a cute baby in the room, and speaking of boats, etc. I'll see if there is anything useable and give you some options.

[Gwenn]

LOL, thanks, L! I didn't intend it to become a major ordeal but I'm sure I'll love any video that involves a preschooler and a large hadron collider. That's right up my alley! :)

And can we add bzzing to the dictionary? Please? My phone doesn't bzz when I get a message but it blinks and in a dark room you can see the blinking cast up onto the ceiling. I'm always forgetting it will do that so every time I'm dealing with insomnia (which happens much more often in the summer because I'm not at work all day) I stare at the blinking and try to decide if it's worth the effort to clear my phone. Or just turn it upside down so I can't see the blinking.

There's something seriously wrong with modern society. DH really thinks it would be better for all of us if technology ceased to exist and I don't want to agree with him, but I suspect he may be right. I notice that doesn't seem to stop him from enjoying much of it, though.

Kate, I haven't watched Dr. Who (except a couple of episodes back in middle school that my insane science teacher made us watch in some elective class I took once). I'm sure I'd love it but I just haven't gotten around to it.

[daylilies]

There are some aspects of Dr. Who I can't get into, like the corniness and bad jokes will take me out of the show sometimes, but this Dr. had just started to grow on me and now he's gone :(

[Smplyme89]

I absolutely adore Dr Who!!! :wub: David Tennant is great! I like him ALOT better than the 9th Doctor! And the 11th Doctor is just as awesome by the way! :winks:

[missychrissy]

Mandy-I remember the fridge incident. How insane is that that they waited this long? Have people been using it all this time? I hope not.

I also flip my phone upside down when the flashing wakes up me or prevents me from sleeping at night. I'm a total nut and set it so each account has it's own color. Cornell-red of course, Facebook is blue, etc.

Kate-Bobbie would adore you! She :wub: Dr. Who and is always watching it.

Lydia-it seems like kids never do what you want them to do. :P I can see something like that playing out at my house too. lol

As for myself, I've had a really rough couple days and I really lost it this morning. I was just venting and not directing it at anyone, but Jesi was crying in the car on the way to school. :( I feel like the worst mother on earth.

[Gwenn]

While I was there I would usually stick anything I had brought for the day in the freezer where it would stay somewhere close to fridge temp, but I still wouldn't leave anything overnight. Other people would still come in and use it and we kept telling them it didn't work, but they ignored it and then would always come back and stare suspiciously at their food.

I haven't been over there since May but they had summer session for the month of June and there were quite a few people there over the summer. Don't know if they tried to use it or not. I think some of the techs started back last week and they were probably the ones to continue complaining about it and bring it to the AD's attention. Just insane.

Which reminds me, I have my autism workshop (paid!) on Tuesday and start work on Wednesday! Sooo not ready for summer to be over, but I'm not dreading going back to work this year. It should be pretty fun, although it should be crazy busy. There will be 3.5 eval teams instead of 5.5 teams last year with the same number of kids to get tested, so I should have a lot more work.

My work-in-progress blog is up. I'm still editing the stuttering/non-stuttering post but I have some basic info. If anyone wants to take a look, it's at www.wordstogrowby.wordpress.com. I'll put the link in my siggy once I'm up and running. Oh, and From Mouths of Babes was taken, as was just about everything else I liked! So I drove DH crazy last night when I was trying to sign up for a blog name.

[Smplyme89]

I love the name! Words to Grow By too cute! :wub:

[Gwenn]

Thanks!

[daylilies]

I thought it might be taken. I agonized over my blog name too and I don't even use it anymore! I like the name you picked though. I'll check it out.

[demigraf]

"Words to Grow By" is pretty perfect. :thumbsup:

I just saw Crazy/Stupid/Love. It was really good, didn't feel too canned, and I loved the cast. Midday well spent.

AmeriAsh, I would share my blog with you, but it's really boring. It reads like a laundry list with occasional random observations thrown in. A couple days ago, I attempted to make it seem more interesting by literally cutting and pasting one of my more trying-to-be-funny FB statuses into the introduction of my blog entry. The blog is on one of those fitness social networking sites where everyone who has a profile can make a blog, and the post titles show up briefly on a page of "most recent" blog entries that quickly get pushed down to the bottom and off the page very fast, since there are probably a hundred or so new ones an hour. So apart from the odd person who just happens upon a post and decides to comment on it, the blog is kind of my pet rock. I don't think anyone actually reads it, but I feel like it forces me to focus on my nutrition/exercise for at least a few minutes every day. And that's good, because it's those weeks that go by where I'm not being mindful that cause the needle to jump on the scale.

I'm excited, though, because I got my own spin bike last night. I don't know if I mentioned that I was looking for a used one for awhile on Craigslist. I even found one I really wanted and drove an hour away on a Friday night with Bodhi in the car, but when I told the woman I wanted to buy it, she said she'd only been contemplating selling it. Even though she knew how far I'd driven and hadn't mentioned that before, and her ad had clearly said "For Sale". Boooo to her. Anyway, I'm happy I finally got one, because I've had a hard time getting to the gym or being able to workout if Bodhi is around. (Last Tuesday, I thought I was being clever by having DH meet me in a park w/ Bodhi and have them, play at the playground while I ran around, but then poor little B started crying when I first ran away from him.) Plus I really love making up playlists that go with the pedaling, though I prefer being on a real bike when I listen to them.

Whoo, I am rambling on and on right now.

OK one last rambling confession... I confess that when I was about 14, I used to pretend to smile enigmatically to myself whenever I was walking past a boy I liked, to try to get his attention. LOL. I'd totally forgotten about that until today. Poor little dweeby old me! :laugh:

[3andMe]

That enigmatic smile is totally something I have done. I used to get attention from the right kind of guy just by standing alone and not smiling, too, so I liked being an observer.

I like the blog, Mandy. I sent you a couple of video links. Let me know if they work for you. I have more to choose from, but I am in a hurry to get out to a playground.

[Gwenn]

"Words to Grow By" is pretty perfect. :thumbsup:

Thanks! I'm glad it was worth the days I spent racking my brains! :laugh:

I added a video example of stuttering to the post, and other than stealing Lydia's video I think everything is ready to go. I really hope there isn't too much information but I needed to be sure I said enough. It's such a fine line!

LOL at smiling enigmatically! I was too shy to do that when I was that young, and when I was older I just didn't want to go there if I wasn't interested!

[daylilies]

When I was a tween I used to think that by darting my eyes back and forth I'd catch the light and look like I had sparkling eyes. In reality I probably just looked kind of shady. LOL

[Gwenn]

When I was a tween I used to think that by darting my eyes back and forth I'd catch the light and look like I had sparkling eyes. In reality I probably just looked kind of shady. LOL

:laugh:

[missychrissy]

I still smile enigmatically when I'm in a bar trying to score free drinks. :angel: I have no shame.

I had my interview today. I thought I did ok. One of those not my best but not awful interviews. They must have had a different impression because I didn't even make it home and they called to invite me for a follow-up interview Tuesday. It's a lunch one...something I've never done.

Geek-wise, it's a dream come true. Lots that I can learn, lots of responsibility, everyone seemed very nice and stress free. However, there was a major red flag. After the interview the one lady was taking me around and one of the rooms she showed me was the kitchen. I swear it wasn't a calculated question, I was meerly curious about opportunities for socialization with my coworkers, but I asked if many people ate their lunches there, or at their desks, or if they went out to eat. The lady was a bit taken aback and stammered a bit. She started out saying, "I don't really know how to say this..." and then she explained that they didn't really take lunch. :shocker: I work at my desk, often through my lunch, but by choice. No one expects it of me.

That compounded with the interview question about how I'd handle having a 'full plate' and then have a huge project come up that would need to be attended to...it gives me qualms about the work-load this position might entail. I'm not sure I want it for any amount of money. I'll have to see how the lunch interview goes...and if I'm even offered the position. They're considering one other guy.

[missychrissy]

Additionally...

The Church is done working on our house. They painted all the window sills on the outside, sealed our basement with Drylock (2 coats), built our chimney as well as a brand new 10x6 porch at the front for us. They were an amazing group and were here till 9 every night (mon-thur). Tonight they had their annual picnic that they do to celebrate the completion of their community service and they had invited us to attend. Of course we felt a bit obligated so we went.

The food was excellent, everyone was very sweet, and honestly I was very touched by them. I actually loved the pastor's prayer because he said thank you to Jesus for enabling them to be giving and loving without strings. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know we're atheist, but I really don't think they'd care. I mean, they'd probably have concern for our souls, but it wouldn't have changed their attitude toward us. Very remarkable people. Funnily enough, when they were praying we, of course, bowed our heads out of respect and Conner pipes up, "What are you doing Mommy?" His sisters hushed him. :D Poor boy was probably very confused.

I have to say, this group actually made me wish I could believe. I mean, I won't...but if I did that would be the Church I'd attend. We plan on donating to them every year.

oh-I nearly forgot the best part. During the same week the adults (mostly men, about 20 a night) were at our house they were hosting their VBS. The kids all drew pictures on small squares of material and an older lady sewed them all into a beautiful quilt for us. Sure, it's religious. But it's going to be hanging in my living room. They called me & Rich up to present it to us and I actually started crying. I was overwhelmed by their generosity, kindness, and thoughtfulness.

[Gwenn]

That's great about the church! How nice of them to do all that work for you and manage it without any sense of you being beholden to them. Christians aren't all bad! :P

I think the lunch thing is a red flag. I have worked through lunch plenty of times as well, but it's always been by choice. I would not be happy if it was frowned on for me to do so.

[daylilies]

I'm so glad they helped you out so much Chrissy! What's VBS?
You guys have to check out the funny story I told in the thread about funny things kids say.

[missychrissy]

Christians aren't all bad! :P

I know, right?! Who knew? :laugh:




I think the lunch thing is a red flag. I have worked through lunch plenty of times as well, but it's always been by choice. I would not be happy if it was frowned on for me to do so.
Exactly. I'm still hoping for an offer just so I can use it as leverage to get a raise from my current position.

The one guy did point out my current title after I explained what I did and he kinda snickered. He said it didn't honestly reflect what I did. I was in total agreement. It seems everyone knows that except the Powers That Be at Arts & Sciences.

[missychrissy]

What's VBS?
It's Vacation Bible School. Do they do them all over? Around here almost every Church hosts a 'school' for a week for the kids. They do fun activities and learn about God usually. The kids tonight performed some songs. Conner kept saying, "I'm not going to sing" every time the VBS lady said, "Ok kids, let's sing ___" :P I'll have to check out your post Kate.

[Gwenn]

I think VBS is everywhere. We had it in NY when I was a kid and they have it here too.

Kate, that story is hilarious!

I'll share a funny story but in here... when I used to work at my first school about 1/3 of the students were Deaf or hearing impaired. The school policy was that all the 5th graders had to be in orchestra and they were an inclusive school, so the Deaf and HI kids took orchestra, too. As bad as a 5th grade orchestra sounds, I'll leave this one to your imaginations. One day they were rehearsing in the room next to the one I was using for therapy (it's always a fight to find a decent working space) and the little boy I was working with (7 years old and high-functioning Autism) said to me, "What are they doing?" I explained they were practicing for orchestra. His eyes got big and round and he said, "But, Miss Mandy, that sounds HORRIBLE!" LOL!!!

[missychrissy]

:laugh:

At first, I was like...who would think teaching deaf students to play in an orchestra is a good idea? But then I thought that music is repetitive counting and there've been a few deaf musicians/dancers so why not give all of them the opportunity? Cool beans.

[Gwenn]

Yeah, I never went through the entire rationale but my district tries to do a lot with integrating education through the arts and that school in particular is all about hands-on learning in a unique way, plus they really make a point of stressing that differences shouldn't hold people back. They did a play every year, too, and they had two casts, one speaking and one signing. It really was a cool place to work. There aren't many places like it.

[Cosmosmom]

Chrissy is the job salaried?

Oh I could totally see deaf kids liking orchestra. Often the rooms are built with tiers in the floors that are fairly hollow....and really you could totally feel the music coming up through the floors when we were playing.
And yeah in 5th grade...not so good sounding anyway! LOL Hot cross buns, twinkle twinkle litter star and maybe some xmas music was about all we could play. LOL

Yup VBS is done in WI too.

I think that is so great all they did for the house. And I would have kept the quilt too. I like some religious things.

Yikes, guess there was some kind of mob attack at state fair in WI last night. http://www.todaystmj4.com/
Reports of something like a couple hundred young black kids attacking only white people as they were leaving the fair. This is the 3rd attack like that in Milwaukee in the past year or two. It's so sad because I lived there for years and DH most of his life and we never saw that kind of racial tension. Guess that they are saying nobody at the fair under 18 after 5pm without an adult with them to try to help. We don't go really now since we live 4 hours away but we have gone a few times and DH grew up within walking distance of the state fair grounds. It's weird but I don't hear reports of that kind of violence coming out of Minnesota like i do with Milwaukee. I'm really glad that we don't live there anymore and suspect that we have an itch for a state fair, we will go Minneapolis instead (plus it's only like 1-2 hours away).

[missychrissy]

Chrissy is the job salaried?
According to the job description, no. But there is some on-call rotational thing they do so I have to verify that. I know Cornell is anti-OT so I'm not sure if they use flex time or if they make an exception if you get called in at 2 a.m.? Or maybe it is salaried and somehow a mistake was made when they posted the job. I am going on the job description though, hence my surprise at the 'work thru lunch' thing.


I think that is so great all they did for the house. And I would have kept the quilt too. I like some religious things.

This one definitely holds a lot of sentimental value for me already.


Yikes, guess there was some kind of mob attack at state fair in WI last night. http://www.todaystmj4.com/
Reports of something like a couple hundred young black kids attacking only white people as they were leaving the fair. This is the 3rd attack like that in Milwaukee in the past year or two. It's so sad because I lived there for years and DH most of his life and we never saw that kind of racial tension. Guess that they are saying nobody at the fair under 18 after 5pm without an adult with them to try to help. We don't go really now since we live 4 hours away but we have gone a few times and DH grew up within walking distance of the state fair grounds. It's weird but I don't hear reports of that kind of violence coming out of Minnesota like i do with Milwaukee. I'm really glad that we don't live there anymore and suspect that we have an itch for a state fair, we will go Minneapolis instead (plus it's only like 1-2 hours away).
:shock: oh my goodness! That's really sad. Is Milwaukee particularly economically strapped right now? Poverty does breed violence...not that it's an excuse, but that's how it goes. I'll have to read the news story you linked.

[Gwenn]

Wow, that's really scary!

As far as I know the Deaf kids really enjoyed orchestra. My friend who is a Deaf Ed teacher was telling me they pushed them toward playing the violin because they could feel the vibrations coming from the instrument and some of them really got into it. No idea how well they played it, though.

[missychrissy]

I remember watching a deaf dancer that said she could feel the beat of the bass and that helped her dance. I'm sure if there's any musicality in those students, they'd have a similar ability.

[Gwenn]

Yes, I think Deaf kids are just as likely to have an inborn musicality as other kids, they just can't hear. My same friend used to talk about knowing a girl who was blind but when they looked at her learning style she really was more of a "visual" learner than any other style.

[missychrissy]

That's really amazing. When I hear things like that I'm always drawn to how the mind works. Fascinating.

[Gwenn]

Okay! Blog has now been enhanced with Claire video! I'll change my siggy tomorrow but it's really cute if you want to check it out. www.wordstogrowby.wordpress.com

[daylilies]

IDK if there's VBS around here. I don't know anyone who'd know about that, LOL. There probably is though.

[3andMe]

Okay! Blog has now been enhanced with Claire video! I'll change my siggy tomorrow but it's really cute if you want to check it out. www.wordstogrowby.wordpress.com

I'm not saying this just because Claire is in this (in fact, I am embarrassed to say my video is the least professional-looking part of your whole blog), but I think it looks wonderful!!! AND it was incredibly informative. I thought the distinction you made between Claire's video and the stuttering video was remarkable, and you were very clear about the differences and what was normal and what was not. I did not know, and I probably would have been in the camp of "Sure, a little stuttering is normal in children" before seeing this, without knowing I was talking out of my *** (you should probably write about that someday, too).

I think it looks wonderful.

[daylilies]

Your blog is great Mandy! Both videos' explanations were really informative and I feel like I know the difference between normal disfluency and stuttering now. We were worried for a while, because he used to do that thing "I want a....I want a....I want a cookie" and still sometimes does it.
The video of Claire was really cute!

[missychrissy]

I agree Mandy, your blog looks wonderful! Claire is adorable :wub: The other kids hurt my heart to watch.

One of the IT guys stutters. Bless his heart, it doesn't stop him from speaking up at meetings though. He's a really nice guy and I've often wondered what his childhood must have been like for him.

[daylilies]

My dad stutters. It doesn't seem to frustrate him but I think he has always stuttered.

[Gwenn]

Thanks guys! I'm glad it was informative. I was afraid it was a little too much of a boring info dump but hopefully the next one on language learning will be a little more interesting.

[daylilies]

I didn't think it was boring at all. And it was written well, so the average person could understand it.

[Gwenn]

Yay! Thanks.

[demigraf]

Fantastic writing, Mandy! I'm sure I'll find many opportunities to share your blog with parents I know.

L, the camera loves Claire. Or maybe I could just tell the videographer was absolutely in love with her daughter. That's an adorable video.

[Ky'sMom]

I also think the blog is great Mandy!!

And Claire is adorable in it. Elle said that she likes her and "that girl is going to be my friend" LOL!

Erin

[Gwenn]

LOL! How cute!

[missychrissy]

Have you ever taken a job that you felt be might be a little over your head? I'm thinking more about that job that I interviewed for and while I'm familiar with the technology they use and think I could learn it, the truth is I don't really have a lot of hands on experience with it. I'm starting to think...what if I get in there and it's all so far above my head I just flounder? I guess my real concern is that they're so busy they won't have anyone available to teach me. I don't want to learn it by the seat of my pants because some of the stuff is mission critical and must be up and running 24/7. Please teach it to me right!!

The other part of me is thinking I'm just being silly. As of yet there hasn't been anything about a computer or network that I couldn't learn and master, I just haven't had the opportunity for those things yet.

On a related note, Bobbie is getting into CSS and HTML. I'm barely familiar with HTML-I can figure it out but I have to study it a lot and poke and hope till I get the results I want. She's been asking me questions but it's obvious she already knows more than I do.

[Gwenn]

My first job working with kids with autism was over my head, completely. I had a lot of general knowledge that I learned in school but my interests and clinical experiences were in a totally different direction and I had seen very few kids with autism. I did flounder, I'll be honest, and looking back now there's a lot I wish I could do differently. But, I learned a ton and I loved it. It's okay to step outside your comfort zone.

[daylilies]

My last cooking job was over my head. They were using so many cutting edge techniques I had no idea how to do and it wasn't stuff I could practice off the clock or anything. But cooking is so high stress and mainly on the job learning and very fast paced, I'm not sure I could compare it to your potential new job.

[missychrissy]

The job is expected to be very demanding. They really stressed how 'full my plate' would be and yet I'd still have big projects come up or emergencies that would have to be dealt with. Two programs that I know of that really worry me are the Army's ROTC program. They have data that's highly encrypted and limited to a select, ever changing, set of people. They even password protect their BIOS-something that's easy enough to do but not done often. At least, not in any place I've ever worked (although it's probably a good idea for everyone to do it). The other data center that I wouldn't even have access to the room, but would have to monitor the network activity is the Federal Census Bureau data farm. I didn't even know they had their data hosted on Cornell's campus. I mean, I know that's not the only place they store data and it's probably not all of it-just data that would be relevant to assorted research groups that Cornell has. But still-that's the kind of stuff that I'd be responsible for.

It's intimidating for me. Right now if I totally screw up someones computer, the worst thing I'm going to lose is their book that they've been writing for 2-3 years and didn't make a copy of anywhere else.

[missychrissy]

I know the Army had a database that came up with 'sensitive data' that the war monger said was ok to delete. When the IT person deleted it, it took out the entire database. The software that is needed to restore it is hard to get and had to go through many levels of bureaucracy. I'm not sure when it is expected to arrive, but I think I'd be expected to install it. It's considered a classified database, so they won't allow CISER (the place I interviewed at) to keep an installation disk of it.

I guess it's not so much the technical work that is freaking me out. It's the level of secrecy and importance. There's virtually no room for error, and if I screw up it could have the potential to effect a lot of people and services. What if a research group is depending on data that I mess up and they miss a deadline and lose their funding?

Ok, I'm done whining about it. I'm not really obsessing, but these are various thoughts I've had. I'm going to work on proper phrasing for questions at my lunch interview. I'll want to make sure I'll have a good go-to person that can help train me. I don't want to be sat at a desk and told "here ya go!" I want real training and documentation.

[daylilies]

I think you can do it Chrissy!

[Gwenn]

Yeah, I think you'd be great. I get scared of the responsibility for other people's kids sometimes. You can't let it get to you. It's good to take risks.

[3andMe]

And Claire is adorable in it. Elle said that she likes her and "that girl is going to be my friend" LOL!


Claire says things like that all the time. She picks people and says they will be her friends. I'm sure she will completely agree with Elle.


Yeah, I think you'd be great. I get scared of the responsibility for other people's kids sometimes. You can't let it get to you. It's good to take risks.

I agree with Mandy. My first job at my current specialty required me to be trained from the ground up. And despite my years of experience at my job, and being in charge, and being certified, I still feel a little anxious about a patient or a procedure a few times a day. I would hate to be so overly confident that I was never concerned and didn't ask questions or admit to being uncertain. The most experienced staff at my job ask the most questions, incidentally, probably because we are more comfortable.

[Cosmosmom]

Yeah I felt that way too when i started my job. Before I was just an assistant and would help patients with info but that is really easy. All the staff searches were done by the librarian. Suddenly that was me and I was doing searches for the doctors and nurses. And I do worry sometimes that I won't do the search correctly and miss a vital piece of research. Which affects patients lives. I know I had one who was trying to get the insurance to pay for a drug for a patient but this was an off label use. I tried so hard but I just couldn't find any evidence to support using this drug for the condition vs another drug.
I still feel over my head at times and I have been doing this five years. But when I am around librarians who have been doing this 30 years and spend most of the day searching (I don't...there are only two librarians at my place so we do a little of everything). or when a search comes in and I have to look up the terms in my medication dictionary and start looking at consumer level stuff first so I have a clue what I am looking for.

[missychrissy]

I'm thinking most my doubts are coming from a little resistance to change. I've never been afraid to ask questions and I can't remember worrying this much about a possible job change. I still wonder if changing jobs on top of everything else that's going on is the wisest idea in the world. I'm not kidding when I feel like I'm at the edge of what I can handle right now.

But things aren't all peachy at work either and has been the source of a lot of stress for me. Changing jobs is stressful, but I'm thinking it can't be worse than where I'm at now.

[Gwenn]

I had a really hard time making the decision to ask to move to Child Find, but now I can see it was the best thing I ever did. I love, love, love my current placement. But if you feel like it would be added stress to take this on I can see why you might hesitate.

I think any job that is truly a career and not simply a clock-in, clock-out job is going to come with a certain level of anxiety. I get stressed out before every single evaluation, wondering if I'm going to be able to do it right. Once I get started I'm fine most of the time but I always worry that I won't be able to see what the parents and child need me to find.

[missychrissy]

I just read some blogs about people that have intense anxiety whenever they start a new job. Although I can't remember ever experiencing anything like this, I've never really had the amount of stress on me at those times either that I have now. So that's probably contributing to it.

I've decided that if they offer me the job, I'm going to take it. If I absolutely hate it, I can always continue looking for some place that's a good fit. At least I'll be making the $ I deserve and will be comparable to others at Cornell doing the same thing I'll be doing.

[daylilies]

I think that's exciting, Chrissy!

[Gwenn]

Great! I'm glad you made a decision!

[Cosmosmom]

Good call chrissy!!!! If nothing else, you will probably learn some new skills and more money is always a good thing. Maybe that could help relieve some of the stress about the move/house and allow projects to get done faster?

Yeah for me...I worked out again today! And killed a spider egg nest downstairs.

Now I'm just working on my dear birth mom letter. Not easy to describe your relationship, your interests/hobbies, why you are choosing adoption, have to mention open adoption, your life, your home in ONE PAGE. And I have to leave room for the letterhead since they supply the paper and leave room for the picture of DH, Cosmo and I (think that it's the one I have on FB). They look at a binder of these letters and decide from there whose portfolios they would like to see so the letter is big deal in trying to show who we are and make us stand out.
And I'm generally not a wordy writer....back in the school days, I often would struggle to get the minimum pages required in papers.

[daylilies]

I had a problem being wordy enough in school too but I think if I had to talk about myself I could fill up a lot of room. What I would do is write out everything you want to say, see how long it is and cut down from there.

[missychrissy]

What a daunting task Jennifer. Whenever I write I start out with a bullet list of ideas I'd like to include then make sentences out of those ideas. From there I string them together. That's what worked for me anyway. Good luck! I know you'll be awesome parents. I hope someone can see that and chooses you. :wub:

[AmeriBrit]

Chrissy, good luck with the job! When do you hear if you get it or not? I really hummed and hawed about not going back to work this year, but I know it's the right thing to do, really. I struggled because everywhere I look people are losing their jobs and here I am voluntarily leaving mine! In the end, though, I don't want to spend anymore time away from the education field. Even if I have to go in and be a teaching assistant instead of jumping right back in to teaching, at least I'll be back in the right field of where I want to be.

How's the letter writing coming along, Jennifer? I'll be having a similar problem soon when I'm applying for the teaching program that I'm interested in. I have to write a "personal statement" about why they should select me to train in their program and it has to be all about me and my passion for teaching and can only be so many words long...eek.

I went shopping today to spend some birthday money and ended up getting a great bargain from a DKNY shop; a dress that was $200 was on sale for $55, so I got it...and it was an XS and I fit in to it...I can't believe how fast I got back in to shape this time after having Cash. I seemed to carry lots of extra weight after having Travis but I guess having 2 to chase after has done the trick! (Oh, and going to zumba twice a week probably has something to do with it, too!) Sorry if I sound like I'm bragging on myself, but I'm happy!

[Gwenn]

Jennifer, good luck with the letter. It sounds stressful to write but I'm sure you'll do a great job. You two seem like you would be great parents and I'm sure that will come through in your letter.

Ash, that's great about your weight loss! I can't wear an XS anymore and I haven't even had a baby to show for it. That was fast!

[AmeriBrit]

I just had a look at your blog, Mandy! It's really good! I'll be checking it out often. Travis does that thing where he is so excited about what he's talking about that he gets stuck on one word sometimes and the conversation stalls for a second until he gets back on track, so it's cool to read these kinds of things are normal!

[Gwenn]

Thanks!

[daylilies]

That's awesome Ash!

[missychrissy]

:hooray: Ash!!! Feel free to post some happy news-I know I'd be ecstatic!

I think my aftermarket boobs have made it so I'll never see S again, but they're worth it. :P If they weren't there, I'd be in S now though. Even at my tiniest, I was never XS because I'm too tall. Even though my structure appears very thin, my shoulders are broader than someone that's only 5'1".

[Ky'sMom]

Good luck on the job offer Chrissy. I hope you get it and it is a good fit for you so you won't have to think about looking for something else for a while.

Jennifer, I also think it seems pretty daunting writing a letter like that, even though I am one of those people who get a thrill out of writing something. Personal statements really aren't all that difficult for me because I draw a lot from moments in my life and tell a story to enthrall a reader. I also see it as a competition, most of these statements were for scholarships that I won and I was always thinking how I was going to write whoever else was applying, under the rug. But I think it would be different and more difficult in writing a letter to a birth family. A baby is something much more precious and all encompassing than a scholarship. It would be difficult thinking of a way to enthrall the reader, someone who may be grappling with her decision of giving up a child and wanting to pick the best parent possible for the baby. I hope that a birth mom will see what a good parent you will be through your words and message of the letter.

Erin

[Cosmosmom]

Thanks guys! Letter writing is going ok. We have at least a good rough draft. One of the worst is trying to format the stupid thing. Since we have to include a picture (not digital) in the upper right hand, we have to leave space for it. And of course at home we have a newer version of Word that is one we aren't that used to since we got it after we were basically done with school and really aren't writing much anymore.

I did however have to send an email to the social worker rescheduling AGAIN. Was supposed to be the 5th and we thought we would be at a funeral and just couldn't get things finished with grandma dying and us rushing down to see her. So I scheduled it for this Friday. Now grandma passed away last night and I have a strong feeling that the service will be the end of this week or this weekend. And we have to travel 4 hours each way for it.
I know we have good reason for rescheduling but I hate having to do it and feel so flakey about it.


Ashley that is FANTASTIC. I cannot even imagine being a S or XS. I am in an X but it usually has a 2 or 3 in front of it. LOL I would like to get back into my 1x tops again. I'm really bad at losing weight. My sister has been doing zumba too and really likes it...between that, the personal trainer a few times a week and basically exercise of some sort every day, she's lost 55 lbs in the past year. I didn't care for zumba at all (tried the Wii version) but I'm super uncoordinated and cannot dance. Well at least I did the elliptical yesterday.

My DH currently has train tracks on my living room floor. Been there almost a week and they are driving me crazy! He got some new train stuff when we were in Milwaukee last time and of course wanted to test it out. What we really need to do is figure out what size and shape he wants and build him a train table in the basement so he can get started working on a layout (one of those with trees and buildings).