Secular Confessions

[dana_renay]

Myles, where are you?? I am in love with the Buddhism for Mothers book. I want to post quotes from it all over my house.
This is the one I've been thinking of for a couple of days now,
"Those with equanimity know that each moment is of equal importance. Changing a nappy, wiping a nose, reading a story or waiting in a queue--all are opportunities for mindfulness, for growing. Each moment is brilliantly new. It will not last, for it is in the process of chainging into something else-that makes it precious."
How lovely is that?:wub:

On a not about alcohol note, I haven't read the book you quoted, but I like the idea, Bridget. I have adhd (inattentive type) and so often I find that I've just kind of zoned out through entire activities or even days. I was doing stuff, but I wasn't *there*. I could use more "mindfulness" and being in the moment.

[daylilies]

Not to mention all the calories that are in each drink themselves. Do you think men ever consider that?

We went out last night and I'm mentally calculating all the calories I might have consumed...I bet the thought never crosses Rich's mind. Till I bring it up :P

Exactly, that's why I don't just drink for the taste.
DH doesn't care, I watch him eat whole pizzas and drink sodas and alcohol, and go out for Italian food with his coworkers 3 times a week and still be skinny as a rail :(

[Gwenn]

I have to say, chocolate red wine sounds nasty. I have a sweet tooth, but blech. I like desserts with liqueur in them, too.

I zone out a lot, too, so I also like the thought of being in the moment more.

[The10Eels]

Ive had the chocovine too.. I thought it tasted like chocolate milk with vodka in it... Not my thing

[daylilies]

Ick..if it's like creamy chocolate wine, I'll pass. I thought it might be like wine with a chocolately essence :( My favorite wine ever is a sparkling red wine. The first time I had it was at the last restaurant I worked at. We got to try the specials and a couple wines almost every day.
It was one of those rare moments of tasting something I had never tasted the likes of before. It's like champagne, but red. I special ordered it through my liquor store and I get a bottle every month or so.

[The10Eels]

Yeah.. I really like sparkling red wine... but this is really creamy. like i said.. consistency of chocolate milk....


I confess I got new glasses! I made myself step out of my comfort zone, because I realized the three pairs of glasses I have EVER owned have all been the same color! BORING!!!!

http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/196514_528130770182_64100559_30895398_2469090_n.jp g

[daylilies]

They're really cute, Ash!
I keep thinking about getting fake glasses just to make my face more interesting. LOL Can you go to a glasses place and just pick out some frames?

[AmeriBrit]

Kate, yes, you can just buy the frames.

Ashley, those are gorgeous glasses!

[missychrissy]

I love them Ashley! I think you're adorable :wub:

I'm so stressed about money, financing, etc that I'm cranky. I'm to the point where I wish I could cry, but it's not there. Bah. /temper tantrum I wish I could just get over it and let whatever be, be.

[Gwenn]

Very cute, Ash!

I'm afraid to get too dramatic with my glasses. This dates to the time I was about 10 and got a pair of prescription sunglasses with pink frames and purple lenses. It was awful. I've stuck to very thin metallic frames ever since.

[dana_renay]

Cute glasses, Ashley!

I, too, tend to get stuck in the "boring" glasses rut because of a bad mistake when I was young. I've heard great things about this place:
http://www.zennioptical.com/
It's cheap, so there's not much to lose if it doesn't work out well, but I need a script first and I've been procrastinating.

[daylilies]

I had hideous glasses when I was a kid. They were huge and I had a lazy eye so I had a patch over one lens for a long time. Yes, I had a very awkward stage.

[missychrissy]

I love them Ashley! I think you're adorable :wub:

I'm so stressed about money, financing, etc that I'm cranky. I'm to the point where I wish I could cry, but it's not there. Bah. /temper tantrum I wish I could just get over it and let whatever be, be.

I finally found my tears. I went to NM's and read the thread about Tif. I'm not ashamed to admit, reading what she's gone through it makes me want to believe.

[Gwenn]

I finally found my tears. I went to NM's and read the thread about Tif. I'm not ashamed to admit, reading what she's gone through it makes me want to believe.

I've been crying since last night. It's awful.

[AmeriBrit]

I finally found my tears. I went to NM's and read the thread about Tif. I'm not ashamed to admit, reading what she's gone through it makes me want to believe.

Yes, that's how I feel, too. Times like that make me feel like there should be some sort of comfort at the end of everything.

[AbbeysMom]

Yes, that's how I feel, too. Times like that make me feel like there should be some sort of comfort at the end of everything.

I feel so sad for her too. :( I hope she can recover completely physically too.

It's weird, but believing in science *does* give me comfort. To me, both scientific research and nature is pretty 'miraculous'. Like there's hope that if she has the spirit and desire to try again, maybe science can help somehow so that she can carry to term.

[daylilies]

I just don't even know what to say about Tif's whole situation. It's just beyond words, to me. I hope she gets physically better soon so she can process and grieve without worrying about her own health.

[missychrissy]

I'm so tired. I just spent the better part of this afternoon getting all our paperwork organized and in a nice packet for our Wells Fargo lady. Whew...what a mess!

[dana_renay]

I feel so sad for her too. :( I hope she can recover completely physically too.

It's weird, but believing in science *does* give me comfort. To me, both scientific research and nature is pretty 'miraculous'. Like there's hope that if she has the spirit and desire to try again, maybe science can help somehow so that she can carry to term.

Definitely this. Things like this make me even *more* sure that I don't believe. I'm gonna skip my little rant about cruelty and religion. But I honestly do believe that because of new developments in medical science there is hope for her to try again, if she wants to. Although, she is not out of the woods yet and she has two little girls still with her who need her very much. I would completely understand if she ultimately decided that it just wasn't worth the risks. Right now, I just hope that she continues to fight off this infection and is able to make a full recovery.

And Chrissy - Big hugs. The house buying process is so stressful. I was really astounded by the amount of paperwork involved. Hang in there. It will be worth it!

[Bridget]

I spent all weekend re-decorating my daycare. It's so beautiful, I love it. I have lots of sparkly, springy, colorful flowy things and it looks magical. On the train table I put a large heavy mirror, lying flat and I put shooter marbles and fun blocks on it so they can see the marble roll and see the reflection at the same time. Then directly over it I hung sparkly star garland down from the ceiling so they also see that in the reflection as well. I don't know how well I explained that but it's very cool. Also, Mark built a big puppet theatre that double as a dress up storage. It's like a brand new space and I love it.

One of my daycare parents texted me on saturday wondering if their was any way i could "babysit" her 3 kids so she could shopping with her friends. :eyebrow: That annoyed me. I just told her my weekends were for my family and left it at that. I know it's stupid but I felt disrespected like she thinks of me as her "babysitter".
I'm just going to get over it.

[daylilies]

That is odd, Bridget, but I guess I'd be flattered that she asked, and hope that she wasn't just trying to take advantage of you!

The day care decorations sound great! Lately we have been trying to decorate with seasonal things and one thing we do is hang things from the ceiling like snowflakes, hearts etc. and I've been trying to get him interested in hanging egg-shaped paper that he could decorate, but so far it's a no go.

[Cosmosmom]

I'm so tired. I just spent the better part of this afternoon getting all our paperwork organized and in a nice packet for our Wells Fargo lady. Whew...what a mess!

This is me...except insert wells fargo lady with adoption social worker....and we aren't even close to being done yet.

Building the house was so much easier...and that was with three closings.

[Ky'sMom]

That is odd, Bridget, but I guess I'd be flattered that she asked, and hope that she wasn't just trying to take advantage of you!



I was thinking the same thing. But if you already told your families that your weekends are for your own family, then I do think it was rude. My daycare provider does offer babysitting during the weekends and on weekday evenings, like Friday night if we need it, but she is an older lady without young kids. (She insists that the kids call her Grandma, which I don't like, especially since her name is Barbara and my DH's grandma is named Barbara and the kids call her Grandma Barbara. I just think it can be confusing for Elle when she visits her real Grandma Barbara, but it is only one issue that I have with her and I feel lucky for that). We are happy to know we can call her if we need a sitter, but really I probably wouldn't.

Erin

[girlwonder]

For those of you who enjoy Weeds, guess whose show I saw on Saturday night?

http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5305/5566704390_b7bc4d0dbd.jpg

He has a four year old child, which I thought was sweet - you never think about him having kids.

[Cosmosmom]

That is GREAT! I love weeds....though I don't think that I have ever seen any in person before (pot) and I don't understand how that thing they smoke it in that looks like steam coming out the top works. LOL

[The10Eels]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uDK4fjGhIu4/TYyNyRmsCZI/AAAAAAAAOds/NRv0XiIglPo/s1600/onback.virgin.yes.jpg



Its rare that a card on post secret strikes me to tears.. but this one did

[AmeriBrit]

Bridget, that was definitely out of line for her to ask that!!!

Katycat, wow, I used to love Kevin Nielen on SNL when he did Weekend Update. He looks like he is a genuinely nice guy!

Chrissy, I hear ya on the home buying thing; I hope things go smoothly for you. You'll feel so much better when it's all sorted.

Ash, big hugs. I had awful self esteem in high school but when I graduated and moved over here, it sky rocketed...I wish everyone loved themselves.

It's 8:15am here and Travis is still in bed (we only just changed the clocks this weekend.) I'm debating whether to wake him up or not.

[daylilies]

I've never seen Weeds but I saw Kevin Nealon on SNL too.
That postsecret struck me too, Ash. I think most guys don't look at me because I have a kid in tow, though. LOL

[Cosmosmom]

OMG I'm irritated this morning. So the deal is my patient visitor library is in the lobby. It's a physically walled off space with a door. Door has a lock hole drilled but no lock yet. We have posted hours outside the door. Last week Thursday and Friday and one day early in the week, there was a woman with several kids, at least one in a stroller and another that was about 2 looking. She basically is sitting on the computer checking facebook while the 2ish girl keeps running out the door (and the library has a curved wall and people tend to come past quickly in wheelchairs and scooters). She also wants to mess with my scanner and other items on my desk. Mom just keeps yelling at her to get over here.

So this morning I walk past and they are in the library again. It's not yet open. She came in and turned on the lights and closed the door to keep the kid inside. Kid is at my desk messing with my keyboard and other items and chewing on my pen. I do like I normally do, open the door (and usually turn on the lights but didn't have to this morning)....and go upstairs to drop my coat off in my office and grab my cart of work. I was gone all of two minutes and she closed the door AGAIN. Um, I don't think so. I opened the door and she continued to mess around on facebook for a while before finally leaving.
Seriously irritates me. First off, watch your darn kid instead of playing on FB. Second off, don't be letting the kid mess with someone's desk. And third, stop closing my library door as a way to corral your kid and ignore her.

And first thing I did was wipe down my desk, keyboard, mouse, phone, and chair handles with disinfecting wipes. And threw away the chewed on gel pen.

[daylilies]

That's annoying! Are you going to speak to her about the library's hours?

[Cosmosmom]

Well she left not too long after I came in and officially opened it up. I keep hoping that she won't come back because I do NOT like to confront people. And really we try to go out of our way for our patients and their families. I just don't know if she is here for that reason....once in a while people will come back after they find out that basically we have free internet...no logging in and no filters. And we allow people to print for free.
I just cannot wait for facilities to finally get around to installing my lock (which was a big fight to get because certain people thought we should be totally open 24 hours.....Staff can use the main library 24 hrs a day so they always have access to library resources). It really is a shame though that people cannot be trusted to not steal or that they cannot clean up after themselves....I have a trash bin, put your trash in it for crying out loud.

[daylilies]

I hate confrontation too. I hope she doesn't come back or I'd do something passive aggressive like highlight and put arrows pointing to the hours and put trash cans every two feet.

I had to speak to our mail person today (we seem to always have a different one) about picking up our mail. We have a box on the house and the way it is placed we can't put a flag on it. I don't understand why they can't just look to see if there's any outgoing mail, but they consistently don't take our mail. She said "Oh we just always think it's mail you haven't picked up yet." Yes but it doesn't have our address on it, it has someone else's. So she said to put it in there with the stamp facing up. Okay then.

[demigraf]

Hey, ladies. I have mostly been lurking on here during tea breaks, but have been resisting the urge to jump in. I'm giving a presentation in 45 min of an 80 page document I've been writing the last month or so. If all goes well, that means I can maybe spend a little more time chattering in here again. If you don't hear much from me soon, it means it sucked and I'm back to the drawing board. LOL.

Mwah to you! xoxo. Wish me luck.

[Cosmosmom]

Sending good paper presentation vibes!

[Ky'sMom]

That postcard reminds me of how I felt as a teenager. I never wanted any guys to look at me or touch me. I remember once, one of my good friends who was a guy hugged me and I pulled away from him. Guys touching me was an issue I had from my abuse. My friend was bothered by that and asked what was wrong and I remember thinking about that for a while and my abuse and decided to embrace my body and love it and not be afraid to be touched or looked at. So I am happy I don't have any issues anymore with my body (even though I'm fat) or with guys talking to me. Oddly enough, a lot of men always try to get my number, I used to always think it was because I have a great personality (back when I didn't think I was cute) but now I feel like I am the total package and DH is lucky.

Demi - good luck on your presentation!

And Jennifer - I'm upset that the lady didn't watch her kid. That would have really bothered me. Luckily I don't mind confrontation and I actually frequently will tell parents about monitoring their children better in public places like the park or library or just in general, especially if the child looks like they may be in a dangerous situation. Once I was in Walmart and this lady wasn't watching her son and he placed one of those plastic vegetable bags over his head while laughing and started running around, with the bag on his head, so I took the bagged headed child back to his mom and asked why she wanted her son to suffocate. She was very embarrassed and looked kind of pissed but didn't say anything except to say something stern to the kid.

Erin

[missychrissy]

Hi everyone! I was off work today because it was Conner's Kindergarten orientation day. I was so worried because he's said repeatedly that he doesn't want to go, that school is stupid, and he's going to skip it. :P When we got there, he was very shy and wouldn't cooperate about having his picture taken in front of their Kindergarten Orientation 2011 poster. He did eventually warm up, especially when I pointed out another little boy with the name Connor.

Conner's group was 4 girls and himself. Since he's used to being surrounded by girls, this didn't bother him at all. When it came time to go with the teacher-lady, he went right along and I heard him ask a cute little girl what her name was and he introduced himself as Nonner. :wub: Later, he told me she was a sweetie. lol

He got a goodie bag with letters, shapes, colors, scissors, writing paper, glue stick and a book. He also got to ride the big yellow school bus. :vibes: He's so ready to start school now.

[daylilies]

Aww, cool!

[demigraf]

Ashley - I totally get what you mean with the postcard. I have had those feelings and urges to self-sabotage myself. I think it's totally normal to be afraid that you'll never find your mate for whatever reason. I think it's perfectly natural. I think if you just remember what a gorgeous face you have and friendly personality, you can counteract the times you feel that way. :hugs:

So.. my presentation went fine. Either that or I was so non-sensical, I just stunned everyone into silence. In any case, I got through about 1/3 of the document, which isn't a surprise. I actually thought I might only get past the intro. I was expecting more debate, so if it continues on at the pace it went today with little controversy, then I should be done by a week from today (meeting every other day). Oh, how I am tired of meetings.

I had to read back 2 pages worth of confessions that I missed and had to jot little notes down to myself on things I had to comment on. My notes read: "kitchen, wax, deodorant, Zen, katy, and Jen (annoying FB lady)." Also, to be honest, I haven't yet looked for what happened to Tif, but I I am already very sad for her. She always seemed extremely sweet to me, and I'm now sort of nervous to find out what happened. I sense a lot of heartache from the comments I've read. :(

Jennifer, I just wanted to comment that you can totally do your kitchen backsplash yourself if you want, and would probably do a better job than a contractor. My dh & remodeled our kitchen (down in So. CA) ourselves when I was 7 months pregnant. I did a backsplash all the way up to almost the ceiling in some parts. I got this cool textured white for $.05 apiece from the Habitat for Humanity Home "Re-store" which sells off leftover building materials, and I was so happy with the results. DH bought the cabinets from this company that ships directly from China, so we got a deal on them too. I wish I could show you the "before" pictures, but here are the "afters" taken from the website we use when we want to rent out the house (I kinda miss it right now, looking at the pics):

http://i490.photobucket.com/albums/rr268/maggiemillymollymay/SP%20House4Rent/7.jpg http://i490.photobucket.com/albums/rr268/maggiemillymollymay/SP%20House4Rent/6.jpg http://i490.photobucket.com/albums/rr268/maggiemillymollymay/SP%20House4Rent/Bodhi18months021.jpg

If you want any info on doing your backsplash, feel free to ask me to share what I know about tiling an area where there will be a lot of water and spills and such. My suggestion is to do your remodel now, because you will NOT have time when you have your little one. :P

OK, gotta run for now, but I'll add more later when I'm on the train. :)

[missychrissy]

Gorgeous kitchen! I can see why you miss it!

Something else came up on our credit, and it's so stupid I'm almost ashamed to admit it. It doesn't look like we'll get financed now, but our broker at Wells Fargo thought we could try again in 3 months if they say no this time. I don't know what we'll do if we totally fail to get financed even then because I simply don't have a plan B. Our lease is up in August of this year and with the size of our family and all our pets, I doubt we'll find another place to rent. Pluck me.

[demigraf]

So, bridget, I am so happy you are enjoying Buddhism for Mothers. I got so much out of it, esp since I felt so traumatized from the post-partum hormones. I loved her definition of karma - how it's not some magical way the universe deals out justice, but actually just very subtle causality. Everything has a consequence, even a thought. That's what I've been meaning t. tell my sis is I ever write to her.

I found out yesterday my dad had a couple of mini-strokes over the last 6 months or so, which explained a lot. Not that I'm burying the hatchet with my sister, but I did text herthat it wouldbenice if he could see us together again and I was thinking we could both go see my folks over Easter. My DH still hates her. I know I'm her sister, so can't be objective or stay mad at her forever. I just always need to be cautious about her. I have a feeling DH is gonna need a lot more time before even being in the same room as her.

Speaking of Buddhism books, I have been trying to read "Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate", and I'm just not feeling it.

On deodorants and waxing, I tried the whole no deodorant thing, and I think I was absolutely colonized by these stinky critters that would not go away. I tried scrubbing over and over again in the shower to no avail. I finally ended up dousing the whole area with 91% rubbing alcohol and I got it under control. Now I'm back to the Tom's of Maine deodorant with baking soda in it, and I'm sure my family is thankful. I always wondered if it bothered Bodhi while he nursed. He was too polite to say anything if it did, the poor little bugger. I do need a good wax m'self. In the past, when I was still dating, I had about a bazillion Brazilians. I've always said it's like seeing your dentist and gyney at the same time.

Jennifer, that FB lady was just plain rude. I would have given her the dirtiest look. At least. DH knows I don't back away from confrontations with total strangers and, in fact has noted (correctly) that I relish the chance to take a lot of my aggressions out on them. TBH, it's kinda fun. :P

[missychrissy]

I found out yesterday my dad had a couple of mini-strokes over the last 6 months or so, which explained a lot. Not that I'm burying the hatchet with my sister, but I did text herthat it wouldbenice if he could see us together again andI was thinking we could both go see my folks over Easter. My DH still hates her. I know I'm her sister, so can't be objective or stay mad at her forever. I just always need to be cautious about her. I have a feeling DH is gonna need a lot more time before even being in the same room as her.
Oh no. :hugs: I can understand what you mean about her being your sister. I think when it's family, we make allowances we'd never do for other people. It sounds like you're really good at keeping it all in perspective though, so it's not really toxic for you. Just a pita.

[Gwenn]

Bridget, Yay for the new daycare decoration! That sounds wonderful! And I would be annoyed at the babysitting comment, too. Unfortunately I deal with the public enough to suspect she was trying to take advantage of you.

Ashley, :hugs: You're a beautiful girl. I was actually thinking when you posted your glasses picture that you'd lost some weight, too. You look great.

Jennifer, yuck. I would have been annoyed, too.

Chrissy, yay for Conner! And I hope your financing goes through.

Myles, your kitchen looks gorgeous! And I'm glad your presentation went well.

Somebody back there used the word "texted" - which made me laugh because a coworker today asked how to write "texted." She said she only hears people say "text" out loud even when they are talking about the past. I told her she had to put an -ed in if she wrote it.

I've had two sets of parents today ask me what "cognitive" means. As in, your child is doing really well in every area except cognitive. I know it's a horrible thing to hear about your child - but it's like they have this breakdown and refuse to believe it means what they think it means. Which is very sad - but hearing different people repeatedly say "what does cognitive mean?" kind of makes me laugh. Sorry if that comes across the wrong way - I have to have a dark sense of humor in my job or I'd go crazy.

[daylilies]

I'm sorry about your dad Myles :(
So one of you recommended the book Matched and I downloaded the sample for my Kindle. I really liked it, and it ended at a point where I really wanted to know what happened next. So I wanted to see how much the whole book was so I hit Buy, thinking it would show me the price and ask me to confirm, and it just automatically bought it. Oh well!
It's a lot like the Hunger Games trilogy so far, and I like it.

[Gwenn]

Sorry, Myles... I read about your dad but missed responding in my mass response post. I am sorry about your dad, too.

[daylilies]

Oh! The Kindle book cost came out of my Amazon gift card. Sweet!

[Gwenn]

Oh! The Kindle book cost came out of my Amazon gift card. Sweet!

Yay for gift cards!

[demigraf]

Thanks for the words of support about my dad, ladies. It's been difficult to switch gears because I've been so irritated with him since November over the fact that he cared more about my saving my sister's marriage and keeping her from psychologically crumbling than he did about having her do the right thing and learn a thing or two about integrity in the meantime. I get him wishing her husband didn't find out. But I feel he should've drawn the line before he asked me to conceal everything from my sis' DH. Not that I ever even really wanted to tell my BIL anything.

katy, I just wanted to say how cute you are in the Kevin Nealon photo. Adorbs!

[AmeriBrit]

Myles, did your DH tell your BIL in the end? I'm sorry to hear about your dad; I hope that you and your sis can go see him. (HUGS)

I've stepped out of my comfort zone to make some new friends. Some new Americans have moved to the area and were asking on an expats forum about a local book club, so I met up with them a few weeks ago for coffee and we all decided we'd go to the book club. Now, I'm thinking 'what was I thinking?!' I know I'll enjoy it but it's been a long time since I've tried to make new friends!

[AmeriBrit]

My resolution this year has been to be less sarcastic because I think it takes people off guard sometimes, so I'm proud of myself for holding back on 2 facebook occasions-1. I posted a picture of Travis eating the leftover batter from a brownie mix and one of my aunts (whom I don't particularly like) posted "you are going to make him fat." She has 2 overweight grownup sons, so I was going to post "oh, you would know, right?" but instead I just let is slide. Then 2. My sister just announced to the immediate family that she is pregnant and my mom has the biggest mouth ever so hasn't been able to keep quiet, but it's Chinese whispers now, so one of my cousins (whom-again!-I don't particularly like) sent me a message saying "Grandma told my mom that either you or Meranda (my sister) is pregnant...so, who is it?" I really wanted to reply, "I'll let you guess on that one" but again, I've kept quiet....I did text my sister and tell her I think the cat will be out of the bag soon in facebook world so she might want to take control of that. She is 3 months along any how.

Ah, so that's how my day has started.

[missychrissy]

I think you'll have fun making friends. At least, I hope you do. :vibes:

As for the aunt that posted that nasty comment about making Travis 'fat' I would have had a hard time not saying something about that one. What is with people, anyway? It seems there are those that can't see a child enjoy anything without having a snarky remark to say about it.

Your sister better just post that she's pregnant herself. It sounds like she has relatives that might do it for her!

I don't know how people wait 3 months to make the announcement...but then again, I wasn't one to worry about who told whom about me being pregnant. I didn't feel like I had to be the first one to share the news. Maybe I'm just odd. I have no doubt that my mom was dialing her phone before I was off her porch, but it never occurred to me to care. Sure, I was pregnant but she was expecting to be a grandma (and later, again and again and again) so it was her news too. At least, that's how I looked at it.

We have hundreds of computers to scan for sensitive data and there's no way we're going to make our deadline. I came in to a laptop that has a virus and in most cases that equates to me spending the day wiping the drive and reinstalling all the software and data. At this rate, we'll never get through our sensitive data scan by the end of the year, much less by May 30th!

[daylilies]

Myles, did your DH tell your BIL in the end? I'm sorry to hear about your dad; I hope that you and your sis can go see him. (HUGS)

I've stepped out of my comfort zone to make some new friends. Some new Americans have moved to the area and were asking on an expats forum about a local book club, so I met up with them a few weeks ago for coffee and we all decided we'd go to the book club. Now, I'm thinking 'what was I thinking?!' I know I'll enjoy it but it's been a long time since I've tried to make new friends!

Good for you! It's hard to make new friends.

I poked my head in Josh's school cafeteria today and asked if they were hiring. They said I have to go to the office building at a different address and ask, so I'll probably do that today.

I've been dragging my feet on my business plans. First of all I don't really feel comfortable working with my former personal trainer. He's supposed to be making up the menus that I'll be cooking from. His idea of dieting is having very few calories. You might remember I was on a 900 calorie/day diet for a while. I did lose weight but I didn't think it was the best way to do it. Also while DH is trying to be supportive he's a bit of a downer. He's just all about how demanding it will be and how little reward I'll get.
I've actually been avoiding the trainer guy because I don't know how to tell him I'm not sure if I want to work with him.

Even if I do end up starting it up, I won't make much money from it, so I'm trying to get a job too. I have experience in food (and I'm sure school food is a lot less demanding than a lot of my jobs!) and I hope the school system would be able to work with my availability well.

[Cosmosmom]

I am the one who was reading Matched. I liked it and already have a hold on the one that comes out in Nov. I haven't read Hunger Games yet but my sister is bringing me the first two books hopefully this weekend.

Myles, nice tiles! :) Yeah there is no way we are doing that ourselves. If we didn't have to do a lot of cutting, maybe but we have quite a few switches and outlets in the kitchen to go around. And we are NOT handy people. It was really just such an ordeal just trying to get a room painted. Part of the problem in the kitchen is that the counter is pulling away from the wall so there is pretty good sized gap there, maybe 1/4 of an inch. The kitchen walls are outside walls and with the temp change, the wood has really constricted and the reason for the pulling away. We have had the builder and the guy who did the cabinets come in a few times and it comes down to some homes do this more than others and time helps. As it gets warmer, the wood will expand again. So the tile backsplash is partially because of this problem. They said to put it up in the summer when the wood is expanded but to not attach it directly to the counter. That way if the if the walls contract this upcoming winter, the tiles will move with it and we won't be seeing this gap which really bugs us.

Kate, working in a school sounds like a good idea! I don't know that I would have it in me to own my own business either.

Chrissy....I'm sorry to hear about the credit issues again. Still hoping that they can get something worked out. There is still time before August.
And big yuck to the virus!

I can't imagine waiting to announce a pg either. Maybe on FB I might try to hold out a bit but couldn't with family. And I know if we tell MIL, it generally means that the whole family will know but the family is small. I don't even have a baby and my whole family, his family and my coworkers know that we are going through the adoption process.

[missychrissy]

I hope you find something that really suits you Kate. And Jennifer, I'm sure it doesn't feel like it but summer will come along! Hang tight!!

[Cosmosmom]

This really has felt like a long winter! We ended up getting quite a bit more snow than normal and it came so early and just hangs on up here since we are colder. It should be a few more days though and they think that the snow will finally melt away.

[missychrissy]

It feels like there's no end in sight for us. This weekend they're predicting more rain/snow showers and temps between 20's and 30's. I'm so over this is ain't even funny.

[daylilies]

Same here Chrissy!

[AmeriBrit]

Yeah, I never waited to tell people I was pregnant either...well, it was easy to tell my family back home since I knew there was no way they could spill the news to people over here (this was my pre-facebook days...lol)

[daylilies]

I waited a while. Because of past comments from my mom I wasn't really looking forward to telling her. She was weird about it at first but warmed up and is a good grandma (or Grammie, as she wants to be called)
I actually joined APA and announced it here before I told anyone else! I might've told DH first...I don't remember.

[missychrissy]

Rich wasn't the first I told for at least 1/2 my pregnancies. :lol: I didn't really think about it till now either. My brother was with me when I found out I was pregnant with Jessica, and my cousin-like-a-sister was with me when I found out I was expecting Sydney. I certainly didn't feel like Rich had to be the first to know. :D Now looking back, maybe he should have been but he doesn't seem to care.

[AmeriBrit]

You guys, we booked our flights to the USA!!!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!! I'll be in the good ol' US of A at the end of May for 2 whole weeks!!!! I can't wait to be the one without the accent!!!

[missychrissy]

:hooray:

[daylilies]

Cool!

[missychrissy]

Why does my husband have to ask me about everything? I swear, if something happened to me he would not know how to function in life. Bobbie or Jessica would have to take over.

It's the stupidest thing in the world, but it nearly lit my ass up tonight. My kids wanted chocolate. I told Rich what debit card to use (another pet peeve of mine, but I am used to it and try to let it slide) and to use the ATM at a certain bank because they don't charge you, even if your card isn't from that bank. Our bank will, but it's 1 less ATM charge, right? So why not use it.

Well he gets there and the machine is unavailable at this time. What does he do? He calls me to read the screen to me. I'm like, "There aren't any other ATM's in Spencer?" I was just so freaking annoyed because this is a constant thing with him. He simply cannot take initiative over the simplest little things. He was like, "Ok, I'll see if there's one at the grocery store." I'm like, there is and I hang up.

I'm more touchy about this right now because I'm already feeling like I'm the mommy in our relationship over this whole mortgage thing. I got together all our paperwork, well over 200 pages, and scanned them one document at a time for 4 hours (our document feeder jams) by myself. I had to find it all, organize it all, and write up all the statements our broker asked for. I pointed to Rich where to sign. I'm so tired of being the only responsible one. I'm tired!

/rant. I swore I wasn't going to whine again but I just need to vent about this or else we're going to be going round about it. Just once I'd like to count on him to decide something. Anything!

[missychrissy]

& what I meant about pet peeve is we have 2 debit cards. One is solely for Saturday shopping (gas, groceries, weekly necessities) and the other one pays our bills and funds the extra unexpected. I don't feel like I should have to tell him EVERY TIME which card to use. If he's not on the weekly shopping trip (hasn't been in 2 years) then he uses my debit card. Why is that so hard?

[Gwenn]

Yuck, Chrissy. I'm sorry.

[daylilies]

That does sound annoying, Chrissy.

[girlwonder]

Chrissy - I was just today talking with a friend about how annoying this is! Sometimes I will ask my dh to do something so I can get something else done, for instance when we are trying to get somewhere by a certain time. But jeez I might as well just do it all myself because the sheer number of dumb questions I get keep my from doing what I need to get done. Drives me bonkers. Just ENGAGE YOUR BRAIN FOR HALF A MINUTE!!!! Argh.

[daylilies]

LOL, that happens too, like I will ask DH to get the drinks while I'm putting the plates on the table, and it takes him so long to stop doing whatever he's doing and go get the drinks, that I end up doing both anyway. I guess that would be an issue with transitions, just like Josh has. LOL

[3andMe]

I hear you. I know it shouldn't be that hard. Chrissy, can you write in fine-point permanent marker on the card itself USE FOR EVERYTHING EXCEPT SAT AM SHOPPING or whatever rule you want followed? I know that doesn't solve the underlying issue, but it could solve that one particular one. I had that kind of issue for a while with dh and foreign travel - for some reason, he could pull out of our checking account without incurring fees by ATM, but not our savings account, and he always did the opposite until we got enough fees that he finally remembered for good.

Mylah, I'm really sorry to hear about your father. This probably explains a lot of the deficits you were concerned about.

[missychrissy]

I could write "Sat. Card" on it but I fear he'd still call me about something. Like last night when the ATM was down. :cry:

I just don't feel mentally or emotionally capable of handling him right now. It's partially my fault because I've enabled this, then when things gets stressful for me either he gets worse or I get more sensitive to it.

Jesi's counselor recommended family counseling for us. Intellectually I know it's a good idea. I just don't know if we can afford it unless they can offer a reduced fee for us.

[Bridget]

:hugs: Chrissy. I wish things would just be easy for you right now. You certainly deserve a break. I'm sorry Rich isn't being more involved and helpful. Mark is often the same way. He'll call me several times just making a trip to the grocery store. But I take partial ownership of that because I can be critical of the choices he makes so I'm trying to be better about that and just appreciate that he goes to the store for me in the first place.

[missychrissy]

I'm sure if asked, Rich would say that he called me last night because the alternative machine would involve charges, but the whole reason he was going to an ATM was because his daughter needed lunch money. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that $1.75 in fees will be necessary if you want your daughter to eat. I shouldn't have to tell him that.

On another topic, for those of you with 3-5 year olds...does your child respond to your requests the first time you ask them to do something? How often?

[Bridget]

On another topic, for those of you with 3-5 year olds...does your child respond to your requests the first time you ask them to do something? How often?
:lol::indifferent: Rarely. Like, only if it's something he was on his way to do already or something that is majorly appealing to him.

[girlwonder]

On another topic, for those of you with 3-5 year olds...does your child respond to your requests the first time you ask them to do something? How often?

No. Not ever, unless it involves a lollipop or ice cream.

[missychrissy]

Good, it's not just me. At Conner's kindergarten registration, one of the teachers asked a group of us parents that very question. When we snickered, she said that by not making them respond to requests the first time, we're teaching them they don't have to do something until we're annoyed. Or, at least not until they've been asked numerous times and that isn't great in a classroom environment when the teacher has to make repeated requests.

That's all fine and dandy, but I wondered how we're supposed to 'make' our 4-year-olds respond the first time?

[girlwonder]

Good, it's not just me. At Conner's kindergarten registration, one of the teachers asked a group of us parents that very question. When we snickered, she said that by not making them respond to requests the first time, we're teaching them they don't have to do something until we're annoyed. Or, at least not until they've been asked numerous times and that isn't great in a classroom environment when the teacher has to make repeated requests.

That's all fine and dandy, but I wondered how we're supposed to 'make' our 4-year-olds respond the first time?


That would annoy me - how on earth do you teach a small child that? Ridiculous.

[3andMe]

I can't even get my husband to respond to something the first time he's asked.

[missychrissy]

I can't even get my husband to respond to something the first time he's asked.
:laugh: Man I wish you were there when she said that.

[AbbeysMom]

So I'm wavering on working for this woman taking care of her two year old (6 days older than Abbey) a couple times a week. We could really use the $ and Abbey might really like the company, but I'm just not sure. :pace: I really like the freedom of SAHM-dom.

And Chrissy: My husband once came home from the store with 20 cans of hot turkey chili (I'm a vegetarian and Abbey obviously won't eat anything spicy). He was so proud because they were on sale 10 for $12. I had sent him there for a gallon of whole milk. I got the chili and a gallon of 2% :laugh:

[daylilies]

I'm sure if asked, Rich would say that he called me last night because the alternative machine would involve charges, but the whole reason he was going to an ATM was because his daughter needed lunch money. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that $1.75 in fees will be necessary if you want your daughter to eat. I shouldn't have to tell him that.

On another topic, for those of you with 3-5 year olds...does your child respond to your requests the first time you ask them to do something? How often?

A resounding no! LOL Actually what has been helping us is if I get him to look at me before I ask him. If he's playing or doing something else I usually have to ask him 3-5 times. But if I have to ask him many times, I try not to get annoyed. That way I don't feel like he's only responding because I'm getting mad.


I can't even get my husband to respond to something the first time he's asked.

Remember I told you guys my therapist asked me, "Well, does your husband do something the first time you ask? Do you do something the first time you're asked?" Yeah...no.

[demigraf]

Chrissy – can I just give you a :hugs: right now? It would make me feel better too. I can hear the frustration in your “voice” and can definitely relate to that feeling that you’re being pressured on all sides. I know my stuff isn’t the same as your stuff, but with all the conflict in my family, and worries about my dad’s health, and feeling like I can’t be the kind of mom I want to be for Bodhi, I do feel life putting on the squeeze right now. I have been investing more of myself into my job than I generally want to for a job EVER (long hours, sleepless nights trying to write calculations in my head). And instead of feeling rewarded for my efforts, I feel like I’m somehow disappointing my team and my manager. I don’t know why, but I’m getting that feeling. Sometimes, I think it might just be professional insecurity on my part. Everyone always seems to know the “politically correct” thing to do in situations, whereas I feel oblivious to all these political undercurrents in the office. Maybe a part of it is that I’m always a consultant, so I’m usually the new guy and no one tells consultants anything anyway. I just want to go about my job, do the best I can, and go home feeling good about a job well done. It can’t be that way, though, because I always get this feeling that I just should have known that e.g. I couldn’t state the problem as a limitation of System A because the people who built it are going to feel offended, even if it truly is a limitation of the system. Plus the vice president already threw $6 million into building System A, so we don’t want to make her look bad for backing that horse. Crap like that. There’s more annoying stuff to share about work, but I know I’ll have other opportunities to gripe about the same things.

So there’s the whole work thing, and then there’s the feeling that I’m carrying the family financially these days. DH is slowly getting more business, but his primary responsibility is to take care of Bodhi right now, so even if he’s working at full sail, it’s not going to be enough. I have to be the one to make sure our debt gets paid down, and the major expenses are taken care of. It really bothers me when DH gives me attitude about how I don’t do enough to take care of the household. Like this morning, he was complaining about having way more cardboard than can fit in the recycling bin and I told him to list usable boxes for sale on Craigslist. He said to me resentfully, “YOU list the boxes on Craiglist.” As if I hadn’t just worked 50 hrs last week, and spend another 1.2 hrs commuting most days so I can pay 75% of our bills, and don’t see an end in sight to all the stuff I have to do for the project that I’m on. Hearing him say that just started my day off on the wrong foot today.

Chrissy, is your May 30 deadline totally non-negotiable? Is it a regulatory thing? I hope you can get some wiggle room into your timeline, otherwise that’ll be a huge PITA, I know.

Jennifer, regarding the kitchen tile, I know what you mean about the cuts. I think some of the pics I posted show the little diamond-shaped tiles on them. I can’t tell you how many tiles we wasted trying to get the right cutouts for each of them. And we have the same diamonds on the floor too. It took half the amount of time of the whole project just to do those special cuts. Ugh. Yeah, I can see why you’d want your contractor to do them. We were cheap, and realized we’d save $10-15k doing the work ourselves, so that’s why we went ahead on our own.

AmeriAsh – no, DH hasn’t told my BIL about my sister yet. DH’s own brother – the one who just got a divorce last year because his wife was cheating on him with a guy who looks like Saddam Hussein – was the one who changed his mind. His brother told him it was all going to come out in the wash one way or another, and that he didn’t want to forever have strain between himself and my family if he becomes the reason my sis and her husband split up. I don’t know about that. I mean, DH is also my BIL’s friend, so I can see the other side, how he’s withholding vital information that BIL might want to know. But it’s not for me to tell DH what to do. I already barely made up my own mind that it’s not my job to tell BIL either, so who am I to dictate anything to DH. I hate it that my sister had to even bring us into this stupid tangle in the first place. Pardon my crassness, but the woman really just needs to keep a cork in it.

Molly, would it have to be a full commitment to the woman if you start looking after her kids? I think it might be good for Abbey as you said, and your whole layout is really good for that sort of setup, so it would be easy to get started with it. I don’t know if you’d end up driving around as much with that many kids in your care, so you’d end up at home a lot more. So that’s something to think about. Anyway, I think you should go for it as long as you leave yourself a way to exit the situation if it doesn’t feel right.

Mandy – are you getting excited about your hubby’s visit?

One last confession - I'm sorry how all my words get strung together when I'm typing on my phone. For some reason, the Space Bar hates me. Soifyoufindsentencesthatlooklikethis,pleaseacceptm yapologies.

[Ky'sMom]

Hugs to you Chrissy for all you're going through right now. If it helps, my DH is the same as your DH. I have just decided not to let it bother me anymore because it was stressing me out too much about 6 months ago and I was feeling to angry and like a rage was building up inside of me if that makes sense. I am the only responsible person in our house with money, do all the shopping, 80% of the childcare (if DH does do anything for the kids he takes 4 times a long or asks me a million questions like "Where's Elle's pjs?" like her pjs aren't in the same drawer they've been in since she was born, but anywho....) I also work 40-50 hours per week. I just try to focus on all his strengths right now and sometimes it is hard to find some if you know what I mean. I know it is horrible and it is, but I have even told DH this, but I do feel that eventually I'm going to get tired of him and divorce because it is too exhausting dealing with him. A part of me feels that it would never happen but I do have this feeling in my heart even though I do love him.

Demigraf, wanted to give you hugs about your dad too and the stress you are under. It must be so difficult. I will also admit that I had to LOL at your SIL cheating on your BIL with a guy who looks like Saddam Hussein!!

And Elle is two and usually will do things the second time that I ask her, Ky will as well. Actually Ky usually does it the first time, unlike DH. I can't remember if he did between 3 and 5 though (Ky I mean) but I doubt that he would have done something the first time at that age when Elle is way more low key and listens way better than he did and it usually takes her 2 times at the most, usually the first time I ask she does something as well. Our daycare provider is always amazed at how well she listens and I am too but I don't expect it to last much longer, she is 2.5.

Erin

[missychrissy]

So I'm wavering on working for this woman taking care of her two year old (6 days older than Abbey) a couple times a week. We could really use the $ and Abbey might really like the company, but I'm just not sure. :pace: I really like the freedom of SAHM-dom.

And Chrissy: My husband once came home from the store with 20 cans of hot turkey chili (I'm a vegetarian and Abbey obviously won't eat anything spicy). He was so proud because they were on sale 10 for $12. I had sent him there for a gallon of whole milk. I got the chili and a gallon of 2% :laugh:

:laugh:

I'd give the daycare thing a go. What's the worst that could happen? You don't like it and you have to give notice that it's not working out. I don't think having 1 more will really hamper your sahm-dom. But then again, I'm insane. :P


Remember I told you guys my therapist asked me, "Well, does your husband do something the first time you ask? Do you do something the first time you're asked?" Yeah...no.

That's right! I remember that! I'll have to try to be more careful about not getting annoyed too. I don't think I do often, but I'm sure it happens, especially if I'm in a hurry. And especially lately. :(


Chrissy – can I just give you a :hugs: right now? It would make me feel better too. I can hear the frustration in your “voice” and can definitely relate to that feeling that you’re being pressured on all sides.
---

Chrissy, is your May 30 deadline totally non-negotiable? Is it a regulatory thing? I hope you can get some wiggle room into your timeline, otherwise that’ll be a huge PITA, I know.

---

One last confession - I'm sorry how all my words get strung together when I'm typing on my phone. For some reason, the Space Bar hates me. Soifyoufindsentencesthatlooklikethis,pleaseacceptm yapologies.
Thanks. :hugs: to you too because your job sounds overwhelming to me, and I'm just reading about it. What a pickle to be in. I guess I never really thought about what it could be like for a consultant.

Our deadline is actually May 1st. I'm so stressed about it that I mentally gave myself another month. It's not going to happen...but I don't think we'll get in any real trouble for it. It's just not fun and it's a huge pain to get people to bring their laptops in to be scanned. Or even respond to our emails, actually.

and finally...:lol: your sentancewithoutspaces cracked me up!!

[missychrissy]

Hugs to you Chrissy for all you're going through right now. If it helps, my DH is the same as your DH. I have just decided not to let it bother me anymore because it was stressing me out too much about 6 months ago and I was feeling to angry and like a rage was building up inside of me if that makes sense. I am the only responsible person in our house with money, do all the shopping, 80% of the childcare (if DH does do anything for the kids he takes 4 times a long or asks me a million questions like "Where's Elle's pjs?" like her pjs aren't in the same drawer they've been in since she was born, but anywho....) I also work 40-50 hours per week. I just try to focus on all his strengths right now and sometimes it is hard to find some if you know what I mean. I know it is horrible and it is, but I have even told DH this, but I do feel that eventually I'm going to get tired of him and divorce because it is too exhausting dealing with him. A part of me feels that it would never happen but I do have this feeling in my heart even though I do love him.

Erin
gosh, I could have written this post myself. I know exactly what you mean...and I fear I'm also going to get so bitter I'll just walk away and divorce him one day. It's sad, really, because he has so many other great qualities. It's just too easy to forget them when I'm overwhelmed and he does nothing but add to my stress.

[daylilies]

Ugh, I'm so tired of not being able to say no and not being able to think on my feet. I went to a free personal trainer session today not planning on buying any sessions. I walked out of there with a year long monthly session at $30 a session. Then I went to Goodyear with a coupon for a $15 oil change and walked out having spent $80 on a better oil change and a filter that needed replacing. They said there was a mouse in my car and brought out a cardboard box full of acorn shells and fluffy fur. I suspected it was a setup but I couldn't say no. I hate being a pushover.

[missychrissy]

:( Oh Kate. I hate high pressure sales! Did they charge you extra for the mouse clean-up? I have seen nests in cars before, so it's not totally unheard of.

Ironically, when I was driving home last week I caught a reflection of something 'scamper' across the passenger side floor in my peripheral vision. It scared the crap out of me and whatever was reflecting the sunlight luckily swung the other way when I was looking so I knew it was just a reflection. If I really thought a mouse was scampering around in my car, it would not end well for me.

[Gwenn]

i'm sorry for all of you with stress and husband issues. I've definitely had times when I felt that way, too.

My latest work stress is that the fridge in the staff lounge broke, all the food spoiled, and it stinks. There is an ice pack in the freezer that is soft. The site manager came by, stuck her hand in, felt the ice pack and declared that it was cold and I should "let her know when it dies." Umm ...it can't keep food frozen and it reeks of spoiled food. She said when it goes they won't replace it. I'm pretty sure a fridge they are require to have a fridge on site... We are expected to take 30 minutes for lunch so keeping food on site matters.

Myles, I am excited. He will be home for good, not a visit. And it's soon! And I can't believe you typed all that from your phone.

[missychrissy]

i'm sorry for all of you with stress and husband issues. I've definitely had times when I felt that way, too.

My latest work stress is that the fridge in the staff lounge broke, all the food spoiled, and it stinks. There is an ice pack in the freezer that is soft. The site manager came by, stuck her hand in, felt the ice pack and declared that it was cold and I should "let her know when it dies." Umm ...it can't keep food frozen and it reeks of spoiled food. She said when it goes they won't replace it. I'm pretty sure a fridge they are require to have a fridge on site... We are expected to take 30 minutes for lunch so keeping food on site matters.

Myles, I am excited. He will be home for good, not a visit. And it's soon! And I can't believe you typed all that from your phone.

No kiddin about typing that all out from a phone. I feel like I'm doing good if I can type/post 5 words from my phone!

That is really rotten (pun intended) about the fridge. Of course they have to give you some place to store your food. What are they thinking? I'm annoyed on your behalf.

It'll be great to have your dh home for good. :cabbage:

[3andMe]

Gwenn, do you have any maintenance people or anything? Or a thermometer? There are required temperature ranges for food refrigerators, and just sticking a hand in and saying "it feels cold" may be okay if there isn't an issue, but if there is an issue you can get some backup.

I can't believe you typed that all from your phone, either, Mylah. When I'm on my phone I browse APA but pretty much refuse to post anything.

Kate, mouse problems in cars are actually pretty common. My mom was dead-set against getting another silver car because she superstitiously thought the mice kept getting into her hub caps and dying because they had an affinity to the color. She thought if she got a non-mouse-colored car, it would be different.

[Bridget]

Tonight was heartwrenching.
Lately when Savana loses self control she has to take a two minute break in her room. Well tonight she was screaming at me so i told her she needed to take a break. 7 out of 10 times she will take thw break quickly and she's snapped out of it but sometimes she loses it and screams, kicks her door so I give her one warning and shut her door. Tonight was the latter and about 2 minutes went by and she stopped screaming. I could here her making soft noises in there and figured she started playing as often happens.
I was getting Kai out of the tub and dressed so sbout 15 minutes went by before I went to chech in her and she was sitting on the floor crying. Just sitting and crying quietly. For all that time. I felt like a piece of ****. I asked her if she had just been sitting there crying the whole time and she started crying harder telling me yes and she just started rambling about how she's not even mad she's just really, really sad. And that she used to have all these great stories in her head and now she can't even remember them. And you guys, she is just CRYING. Telling me how she used to love those stories and now she doesn't even care about them.
And she did used to have great stories and imaginary creatures she made up and she hasn't been doing that. I sat on the floor and hugged her and cried too. I don't know what it is. Is it her adjusting to Sawyer? Is it OCD thoughts cluttering her mind? Is she bored?
I desperately need time alone with her and I don't quite know how to do that. We have been reading together some books that are written for children about OCD and she's so receptive and saying yes that's how she feels and wow that's like me, Mommy! But as soon as I start talking about what she can do to change it she completely shuts down and says she can't do it.
Oh, I just feel very much at a loss. And very much like it's at her expense.

[Gwenn]

It'll be great to have your dh home for good. :cabbage:

Yes, it will.

[daylilies]

They didn't charge me for the mouse cleanup but they did for the new filter of course, and they said there was also a nail in one tire that they didn't charge me for either...
Oh Bridget, that makes me so sad. Have you ever thought about going to a therapist or other specialist for her? It sounds like there's a lot going on that I would have no idea how to handle if I wasn't going through it myself.

[Gwenn]

Bridget, is Savana experiencing childhood depression? I don't know much about depression in kids but loss of interest in things she loves is ringing alarm bells for me for depression...

I haven't been able to write, either, lately... :(

[AbbeysMom]

Tonight was heartwrenching.
Lately when Savana loses self control she has to take a two minute break in her room. Well tonight she was screaming at me so i told her she needed to take a break. 7 out of 10 times she will take thw break quickly and she's snapped out of it but sometimes she loses it and screams, kicks her door so I give her one warning and shut her door. Tonight was the latter and about 2 minutes went by and she stopped screaming. I could here her making soft noises in there and figured she started playing as often happens.
I was getting Kai out of the tub and dressed so sbout 15 minutes went by before I went to chech in her and she was sitting on the floor crying. Just sitting and crying quietly. For all that time. I felt like a piece of ****. I asked her if she had just been sitting there crying the whole time and she started crying harder telling me yes and she just started rambling about how she's not even mad she's just really, really sad. And that she used to have all these great stories in her head and now she can't even remember them. And you guys, she is just CRYING. Telling me how she used to love those stories and now she doesn't even care about them.
And she did used to have great stories and imaginary creatures she made up and she hasn't been doing that. I sat on the floor and hugged her and cried too. I don't know what it is. Is it her adjusting to Sawyer? Is it OCD thoughts cluttering her mind? Is she bored?
I desperately need time alone with her and I don't quite know how to do that. We have been reading together some books that are written for children about OCD and she's so receptive and saying yes that's how she feels and wow that's like me, Mommy! But as soon as I start talking about what she can do to change it she completely shuts down and says she can't do it.
Oh, I just feel very much at a loss. And very much like it's at her expense.

Huge hugs Bridget. :hugs:

wrote a bunch but just decided to pm.

[girlwonder]

Oh, Bridget, that is so distressing. I'm so sorry she is so sad. Is it all the time that she feels sad or do you think that her emotions carry her off sometimes? I know that at times I get more sad when I cry and it tends to feed off of itself until the only thing to do is go to bed and hope that I feel better the next day, and usually there is an emotional hangover for several days at least. I hope you can find a way to help her.

Myles, I am sorry about your Dad. That would make me feel upset and unsettled. It is so worrisome when parents start displaying signs of getting old. I just hate it that my own mom over 65, approaching 70. Scary.

[missychrissy]

Gwenn, do you have any maintenance people or anything? Or a thermometer? There are required temperature ranges for food refrigerators, and just sticking a hand in and saying "it feels cold" may be okay if there isn't an issue, but if there is an issue you can get some backup.

I can't believe you typed that all from your phone, either, Mylah. When I'm on my phone I browse APA but pretty much refuse to post anything.

Kate, mouse problems in cars are actually pretty common. My mom was dead-set against getting another silver car because she superstitiously thought the mice kept getting into her hub caps and dying because they had an affinity to the color. She thought if she got a non-mouse-colored car, it would be different.

:laugh: About your mom.

And as far as the thermometer in the fridge Mandy, I can't believe I totally forgot that they are supposed to have one...at least, in NY we do. When I worked as a receptionist at one place, one of my duties was to read it every day. If it got below a certain temp (can't remember what now!) I was supposed to notify everyone and all the food was to be considered garbage and tossed out. And either the fridge would need to be repaired or replaced before it could be used again. It was a health department law. I'm sure each state has one to protect employees.


Tonight was heartwrenching.
Lately when Savana loses self control she has to take a two minute break in her room. Well tonight she was screaming at me so i told her she needed to take a break. 7 out of 10 times she will take thw break quickly and she's snapped out of it but sometimes she loses it and screams, kicks her door so I give her one warning and shut her door. Tonight was the latter and about 2 minutes went by and she stopped screaming. I could here her making soft noises in there and figured she started playing as often happens.
I was getting Kai out of the tub and dressed so sbout 15 minutes went by before I went to chech in her and she was sitting on the floor crying. Just sitting and crying quietly. For all that time. I felt like a piece of ****. I asked her if she had just been sitting there crying the whole time and she started crying harder telling me yes and she just started rambling about how she's not even mad she's just really, really sad. And that she used to have all these great stories in her head and now she can't even remember them. And you guys, she is just CRYING. Telling me how she used to love those stories and now she doesn't even care about them.
And she did used to have great stories and imaginary creatures she made up and she hasn't been doing that. I sat on the floor and hugged her and cried too. I don't know what it is. Is it her adjusting to Sawyer? Is it OCD thoughts cluttering her mind? Is she bored?
I desperately need time alone with her and I don't quite know how to do that. We have been reading together some books that are written for children about OCD and she's so receptive and saying yes that's how she feels and wow that's like me, Mommy! But as soon as I start talking about what she can do to change it she completely shuts down and says she can't do it.
Oh, I just feel very much at a loss. And very much like it's at her expense.
My words are inadequate to describe how much my heart aches for both you and her. :hugs: I have no advice to offer and it breaks my heart. I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix it.

[Cosmosmom]

:hugs: Bridget.
Not sure what books you have been looking at but this is one we have in our library http://www.amazon.com/What-When-Brain-Stuck-What/dp/1591478057/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1301584697&sr=8-1
It's a bit older in age than Savana but maybe it would be ok since you would be reading it with her. We also have the what to do when you worry and what to do when your temper flares.....all three are very good books.

[Cosmosmom]

AI talk.....so who is going home????? Favorites of the night? I just love me some Elton John and really liked knowing all the songs. Was a bit surprised nobody did Can You Feel the Love Tonight..... But one of my favorite songs of all time is Your Song and that was performed. :)

[Bridget]

:hugs: Bridget.
Not sure what books you have been looking at but this is one we have in our library http://www.amazon.com/What-When-Brain-Stuck-What/dp/1591478057/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1301584697&sr=8-1
It's a bit older in age than Savana but maybe it would be ok since you would be reading it with her. We also have the what to do when you worry and what to do when your temper flares.....all three are very good books.
Thanks. That's exactly the one Abbeysmom told me about and the one we were reading last night. Today she has been asking me if I have any "junk thoughts" so i've been sharing with her some of the things I used to do as a kid. I used to worry about germs just like her but I would blow on my skin thinking I was blowing the germs away.

[daylilies]

I haven't watched all of AI yet. I only got up to James (who I predicted would be doing that song :))
I'm worried about one of Josh's friends. We were at the playground yesterday and she fell off a climbing thing and wouldn't stop crying. She wouldn't say what hurt. They went home. Today she wasn't at school, nobody called to say she wouldn't be there and nobody answered their phone. Good thoughts, please.
Oh! A mutual friend just called. She talked to the girl's dad. Apparently the girl has a scratch on her leg, but she's okay.

[Ky'sMom]

My words are inadequate to describe how much my heart aches for both you and her. :hugs: I have no advice to offer and it breaks my heart. I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix it.

I feel the same way Bridget. Poor Savana. That is just heartbreaking to hear about her crying like that and feeling so sad.

Erin

[Bridget]

Thank you ladies. Today has been good. This morning we made a book of all her pretend creatures. She mentioned at one point that the movies we watch on friday are all she can think about and that they push the stories out of her head. I thought that was quite profound.
All day we have been working on getting rid of the "junk thoughts" to make room in her head for her pretend stories. I also did a puppet show where all the puppets shared their thoughts and had the kids yell out if that thought went to the junk pile or the keep pile. Savana was very involved and laughing and giggling the whole time. One puppet said, "When my mommy puts me in a timeout I think that means she does not love me." Savana said that was a very junky thought but her little chin quivered like she wanted to cry.
I'm going to come up with something different than timeouts when she needs a breather.

[missychrissy]

Bridget, you are phenomenal and I'm sitting here at my desk fighting back tears for you. Tears of happiness, pride, and hope for both of you.

[missychrissy]

Jesi used again. If she does it one more time, she's going to rehab.

[daylilies]

Jesi used again. If she does it one more time, she's going to rehab.


:ohno::hugs:

[Bridget]

Oh, Chrissy.:hugs:
Did she tell you?

[Gwenn]

Bridget, you are phenomenal and I'm sitting here at my desk fighting back tears for you. Tears of happiness, pride, and hope for both of you.

You are phenomenal, Bridget. That's exactly the word.


Jesi used again. If she does it one more time, she's going to rehab.

Oh, Chrissy. :hugs:


And as far as the thermometer in the fridge Mandy, I can't believe I totally forgot that they are supposed to have one...at least, in NY we do. When I worked as a receptionist at one place, one of my duties was to read it every day. If it got below a certain temp (can't remember what now!) I was supposed to notify everyone and all the food was to be considered garbage and tossed out. And either the fridge would need to be repaired or replaced before it could be used again. It was a health department law. I'm sure each state has one to protect employees.

Chrissy, that's NY ... this is AZ. Monitoring the fridge temp? That's crazy talk! :laugh: Kidding - but I've lived in both states and let me tell you, it's very different here. That said, I wonder if OSHA would be interested to hear about the refrigerator?

I confess this parent showed up for an appointment today half an hour early. It was 12:30 and since half of the trailer that we use for our office is the staff lounge, several of us were sitting around eating and chatting. Instead of going into the main office where parents check in, the woman walked into our office along with her 2 year old daughter. I was eating and had spilled a package of soy sauce all over my pants. She announced she was here for the meeting and I commented that she was really early and we weren't expecting her yet, and she said she didn't mind and she would just sit in the corner and play with her daughter (with our testing materials) while we finished eating. Does that strike you as odd? My co-worker convinced her to wait in the waiting room while we finished, cleaned up, and got the paperwork in order for our meeting. She was nice and everything, it just came across a little strange.

[Gwenn]

DH just called me! He's in the US!!! Of course, the stupid cell phone dropped his call, but I feel so much better knowing he's back here!

[daylilies]

Yay Gwenn!
That is kind of weird about the client.

[missychrissy]

Oh, Chrissy.:hugs:
Did she tell you?

She only told me because tonight was her counseling session and her counselor did a surprise drug test. Otherwise I don't believe for a minute she would have told me.

She says it was just once since 2/17, but he's sending her sample away to test the level. He'll be able to tell whether she was being truthful or not. I guess from my perspective, it doesn't really matter if it was 1 or 100 times. She's throwing her life away. Whether she thinks it should be legal or not, it's NOT legal now and the ramifications of this can haunt her for a very, very long time.


DH just called me! He's in the US!!! Of course, the stupid cell phone dropped his call, but I feel so much better knowing he's back here!

Mandy, I'm so happy for you! and him of course. :hooray:

[Cosmosmom]

Oh Chrissy big huge :hugs:

[Cosmosmom]

:hooray::hooray::hooray: for Mandy and her DH! I can't imagine how relieved you must feel knowing that he is back on US soil and hopefully it won't be too much longer before he's back with you.

[Gwenn]

:hooray::hooray::hooray: for Mandy and her DH! I can't imagine how relieved you must feel knowing that he is back on US soil and hopefully it won't be too much longer before he's back with you.

Yes ... he emailed me this morning from Europe and I was so relieved just knowing he was out of the middle east, I don't care how long it takes before I see him!

[daylilies]

I predicted who was going home on Idol, but I wish the person who was safe had gone home.

[Gwenn]

Oh, no ... that doesn't bode well. I know who is in the bottom 3 but don't know who's safe.

[Gwenn]

Double post - I have no idea what happened.

[AbbeysMom]

DH just called me! He's in the US!!! Of course, the stupid cell phone dropped his call, but I feel so much better knowing he's back here!

:cheer: So happy for you!


Jesi used again. If she does it one more time, she's going to rehab.

I'm sorry Chrissy. I really hope (as trite as this sounds) that it's a phase and she'll get sick of rebelling at some point soon.


Thank you ladies. Today has been good. This morning we made a book of all her pretend creatures. She mentioned at one point that the movies we watch on friday are all she can think about and that they push the stories out of her head. I thought that was quite profound.
All day we have been working on getting rid of the "junk thoughts" to make room in her head for her pretend stories. I also did a puppet show where all the puppets shared their thoughts and had the kids yell out if that thought went to the junk pile or the keep pile. Savana was very involved and laughing and giggling the whole time. One puppet said, "When my mommy puts me in a timeout I think that means she does not love me." Savana said that was a very junky thought but her little chin quivered like she wanted to cry.
I'm going to come up with something different than timeouts when she needs a breather.


Interesting comment about the TV... I agree, it's extremely insightful. Does she seem to like movie night?

Hope things continue to get better, I pmed you again. :hugs:

[AbbeysMom]

Oh yeah, I got a job!

I went ahead and told the lady who wanted me to watch her LO that I would do it. I swear I thought she might cry, and she kept saying that I was "such a blessing"... which I can say in this room safely, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I hope her little girl can get to know me and Abbey and have fun with us though!

[Gwenn]

Yay for the job! I hope it works out for you.

[AmeriBrit]

That's great news, Molly!

And great news for you, too, Mandy!

And I'm so happy Savana is doing better, Bridget. I think I need to take a page from your book and practice more patience with Travis. He is going through a trying stage lately. I hate how out of control I sometimes feel when he's going wild.

Chrissy, sorry to hear about Jesi; I hope she can get her act together; if not, rehab sounds like the best option for her.

Y'all, I just deleted my sister from my Facebook. I did it because I've been thinking about it for awhile. She's sooo negative about everything. I was so excited the other day about booking our trip to the USA and posted the dates I'd be there. She got all in a huff and said "well, I TOLD you I don't get much vacation time til September." Well, excuse me, but it's my vacation and I want to be there in the summer and besides, Travis starts school in September so there's no way I'd be there then. She's so selfish, so I told her I was done with her.

[missychrissy]

Oh yeah, I got a job!

I went ahead and told the lady who wanted me to watch her LO that I would do it. I swear I thought she might cry, and she kept saying that I was "such a blessing"... which I can say in this room safely, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I hope her little girl can get to know me and Abbey and have fun with us though!

:hooray: Even if you are a blessing, that doesn't mean you won't have a great relationship with her and her daughter. I'm hoping for the best for you. :D

On a somewhat related note, I have to say I've felt 'blessed.' Not by God or whatever, but just lucky and fulfilled. Blessed is probably the best way I can think of to describe it, but I assure you if I ever articulated that, it wouldn't be because I was thanking God.


Y'all, I just deleted my sister from my Facebook. I did it because I've been thinking about it for awhile. She's sooo negative about everything. I was so excited the other day about booking our trip to the USA and posted the dates I'd be there. She got all in a huff and said "well, I TOLD you I don't get much vacation time til September." Well, excuse me, but it's my vacation and I want to be there in the summer and besides, Travis starts school in September so there's no way I'd be there then. She's so selfish, so I told her I was done with her.

:hugs: That's so rough. I don't blame you one bit. Your vacation time is supposed to be what's most convenient for you.


Your site www.americanpregnancy.org (http://www.americanpregnancy.org) not correctly work in my safari browser

Use Firefox. :laugh:

[missychrissy]

I have an interview. Well, not yet technically. I had a message on my machine last night when I got home. I just called back, and got his voicemail.

It's another Cornell job doing pretty much what I do now, but a little different. It's with the facilities dept. and they're much bigger so there's more than 1 (or even 2) technical support people. They don't support home machines at all (at least, not according to their web site) and seem more streamlined.

I'm not sure how I feel about it yet but I'm going to do the interview and see what's what. I think I finally got John in line and he's stopped with his 'stupid' statements. That was my first motivation to go. The other piece is that this job opportunity description could accurately describe what I currently do, only it's a full level above mine. Meaning more pay. I'm not sure how much more, maybe only 2-3 bucks an hour. But still, it sucks knowing there are people doing what I do making more than I do. Especially if they hire someone directly out of college for that position.

[demigraf]

Chrissy, who's "whetuata?. am I missing something? definitely go for the interview. who knows where it might lead you. it's great that they even thought of you.

And about Jesi, she really sounds like she needs a positive outlet of some sort. Some sort of hobby that she can make her own, not feel like anyone else controls it, and yet one that isn't self-destructive. Does she paint or play any musical instruments or like to hike or anything like that? I suspect she's rebelling because she wants more autonomy. A hobby can really create that feeling of mental space for a person.

I have to say, with the exception of the news about Jesi, that this is a page full of positive news. :) Yay to that. Even Ash unfriending her sister, I was like "You go girl!"

Bridget, I agree, you are amazing with the kids. :hugs:

And Mandy, I'm so flippin' excited for you!!!

Molly, that's exciting about the new job. Please let us know how it goes. When do you start being this woman's blessing?

I confess, I just seriously headbutted this guy in the arse coming up the stairs off the train. Like, I got way up in there because I was focusing on utilizing certain gluteal muscles, like an idiot. LOL. He was totally shocked from me goosing him, but we both laughed about it. It might have been one of those movie "meet-cute" moments if I'd been single and he were remotely attractive. Instead, I'm going to excuse myself now and wash my forehead in the bathroom.

Btw, my last long post wasn't typed on my phone, but this one was. :)

[girlwonder]

I'm going to excuse myself now and wash my forehead in the bathroom.


:laugh::laugh::laugh:

[missychrissy]

:laugh: Oh man!


Chrissy, who's "whetuata?. am I missing something?
I haven't a clue. I suspect a spammer.

[girlwonder]

katy, I just wanted to say how cute you are in the Kevin Nealon photo. Adorbs!

And thanks! I look like I am showing my engagement ring, but I was just trying to tell the guy how to work my phone camera. My husband said it is okay if I bring a funny former SNL cast member into our marriage. :laugh:

[missychrissy]

Jesi's school just called and even though she knew it was against the rules, she left to buy lunch on the commons. When she was caught and told that she'd be written up, she said, "Go ahead, write me up."

[girlwonder]

I'm sorry that she is feeling the need to be rebellious. I hope you all can get to the bottom of this.

[The10Eels]

I confess I will never ever in my life play another april fools joke...

The last one I did was April 1, 2007. I posted a pic of me all dolled up with a HUGE engagement ring, saying that I was engaged...





B and I got married April 22, 2007

[missychrissy]

Oh wow. What an April Fool joke. How did it transition from joke to reality?

[The10Eels]

B and I hadn't even started dating on the first....

There was the joke. Then we officially started dating on the 7th. we joked around about a contract marriage and decided to do it, married on the 22nd. The day exactly between our birthdays

[missychrissy]

Oh my! It makes a good story and you got 2 beautiful babes out of it, so it's not a total bust.

[The10Eels]

I confess

http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/198445_531978773752_64100559_30900502_3954978_n.jp g

[daylilies]

What? who? lol

[intactivstmom]

I stalk this thread all the time, but usually from my phone so I never post because it's just too hard to quote multiple people and write long replies. But I know a lot of you don't post in other areas so I want to let you know there is a rough draft version of Annica's birth in new moms. :)

[AmeriBrit]

Congrats, Shanna!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[daylilies]

OMG, I thought you were joking because I saw in the April Fool's post that you posted it earlier yesterday as a joke! Congrats!
And Ash, what I meant by my last post is that I don't know who that third name is.

[AmeriBrit]

Kate, I think that's Charlie's middle name if I remember correctly.

[Gwenn]

Congrats, Shanna!

Kate, I agree, I think that's Charlie's middle name.

[AmeriBrit]

So, the other day my MIL was telling me about one of her friends. My MIL is very in to fashion and takes hours getting dressed ever day (much to my FIL's dismay!) Any how. This friend of hers that she only sees twice a year in London is not in to fashion at all and MIL always observes how "frumpy" she looks. So, she was saying to me that she thinks this friend is the way she is because she has 2 sons and no daughters. She said something like "I've noticed people who have boys don't have someone telling them 'mother, you can't wear that.'" So.....I was thinking 'where does that leave me in 20 years?' LOL. She really does say some strange things sometimes (I do love her to pieces, though!)

[daylilies]

Oh okay! Thanks! I love it.
Sorry if my "what? who?" came off as rude. I had a couple drinks last night.

[daylilies]

So, the other day my MIL was telling me about one of her friends. My MIL is very in to fashion and takes hours getting dressed ever day (much to my FIL's dismay!) Any how. This friend of hers that she only sees twice a year in London is not in to fashion at all and MIL always observes how "frumpy" she looks. So, she was saying to me that she thinks this friend is the way she is because she has 2 sons and no daughters. She said something like "I've noticed people who have boys don't have someone telling them 'mother, you can't wear that.'" So.....I was thinking 'where does that leave me in 20 years?' LOL. She really does say some strange things sometimes (I do love her to pieces, though!)

LOL! I had no fashion sense even before Josh came along, so I don't blame him.

[AmeriBrit]

I've been organizing things for us to do on our trip back home to the USA and one of my friends from when I used to go to church wants to meet up while there during a church service....lol....I've told her I'll go, but it will feel really weird. I loved my church people, though; they were mostly oldies with good hearts and I have missed them. A few have passed away since I saw them last in 2002.

[missychrissy]

So, the other day my MIL was telling me about one of her friends. My MIL is very in to fashion and takes hours getting dressed ever day (much to my FIL's dismay!) Any how. This friend of hers that she only sees twice a year in London is not in to fashion at all and MIL always observes how "frumpy" she looks. So, she was saying to me that she thinks this friend is the way she is because she has 2 sons and no daughters. She said something like "I've noticed people who have boys don't have someone telling them 'mother, you can't wear that.'" So.....I was thinking 'where does that leave me in 20 years?' LOL. She really does say some strange things sometimes (I do love her to pieces, though!)

That is very strange. I wouldn't know what to make of that if someone I cared about said such a thing! lol


I've been organizing things for us to do on our trip back home to the USA and one of my friends from when I used to go to church wants to meet up while there during a church service....lol....I've told her I'll go, but it will feel really weird. I loved my church people, though; they were mostly oldies with good hearts and I have missed them. A few have passed away since I saw them last in 2002.

I'm sure you'll have a great time meeting up with your old friends. They'll be so happy to see you.

It's been very quiet in here. What's everyone up to?

[daylilies]

Josh spent the day with DH's sister, DH painted the office, we listened to a couple podcasts, went grocery shopping, had a generally good time. I had an appt. with my personal trainer and had a good weight training workout with her and she gave me a sheet with ideas for meals and snacks, and a printout of exercises.

[Gwenn]

:hi:

I'm around. I'm having a hard time. I kept telling myself I'd just be glad once DH was in the country, and I am, but I'm finding it really hard knowing he's back but not home yet if that makes sense. I got almost nothing done at work yesterday and had to bring a report home to finish writing for a meeting on Monday - something I haven't had to do yet in this new position. We've talked on the phone several times each day but I just have to get through this.

I also want to get a ton of stuff done on the house - laundry, tidying up, etc. and I'm procrastinating with that. DH asked me this morning how I planned to spend my last weekend without him, suggesting it was my last chance to do whatever it is I do when he's not here. So far this weekend that means watching YouTube videos of Led Zeppelin bootlegs. Why this is a celebratory last weekend activity, I don't know. I know my time would be much better spent cleaning the house and writing my eval report for Monday.

[Gwenn]

Just wanted to add that 3/31 would have been the due date for the baby I m/c. I would have had a two-year-old. I didn't think of it on the day because of DH coming home but I remembered this morning. Crazy how I only knew I was pregnant for 3 days but I can still remember all the anniversaries.

[missychrissy]

Awww :hugs: Mandy. :(

[daylilies]

Sorry Mandy :(

[Gwenn]

DH asked me this morning how I planned to spend my last weekend without him, suggesting it was my last chance to do whatever it is I do when he's not here. So far this weekend that means watching YouTube videos of Led Zeppelin bootlegs. Why this is a celebratory last weekend activity, I don't know. I know my time would be much better spent cleaning the house and writing my eval report for Monday.

Since I got nothing done today, I'll share this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knZ-0IEiE74) - the music fits my mood perfectly and it's just breathtaking. Yes, I would have been a groupie if I'd been around back then.

[Cosmosmom]

:hugs: Mandy.


I was rather tipsy a decent chunk of today. Had a half bottle of wine I think, got in some quality time with DH, went shopping at Kohls (needed new bras....I finally gave it up and realized that I needed a bigger cup...I had gained back some weight since two shoppings ago and last time didn't try them on....and I'm tired of half the month they get bigger and want to bulge...but I really didn't want to see DDD on the tag!). After that we tried to go to Texas Roadhouse for steak. I have never gone before. It was a weekend but already 7:30. Waited 30 minutes and saw 3 different parties of two arrive after us get seated so went to see what was up with that....they were rude so DH said F it and we left. Went to Olive Garden instead and had a good dinner there....and I had a strawberry daiquiri. LOL I wasn't driving today so why not. :)
Talked to my MIL, my mom and my sister.

And we waited 6 episodes of Episodes because Bridget said it was funny...she was right!

[girlwonder]

:hugs: Mandy. I'm sorry you are having a rough weekend.

My mom has JoJo for the night, so we went out for a crazy good dinner at a very chic and trendy restaurant (http://www.lacondesaaustin.com/). Yum yum yum. I had a lovely cocktail called a Parilla de Sal which was grapefruit juice, chartreuse and vodka with a salt rim. Bracing, refreshing, and not sweet at all - right up my alley! Some ceviche with grilled grapefruit water, a crab meat tostada, an heirloom carrot grilled salad with marcona almonds and braised baby romaine. Dh had some kind of fish that was perfectly cooked and I had braised short ribs that were so rich I could only eat a couple of bites, along with fried yucca and tomato conserves. Dessert was an amazing goat cheese cheesecake with a freeze dried pineapple ring on top, along with just a tiny sprinkling of cilantro microgreens, chunks of candied pineapple and a bit of saffron cream. These folks are doing something really innovative with traditional interior Mexican food (miles different from the Tex Mex most people are familiar with).

Then on to a small party at this amazing boutique hotel (http://www.hotelstcecilia.com/#/about/) here in town given by a wine company (my dh is in the wine biz), then a stroll down the main street dowtown that was teeming with hot rods as there is a classic car convention (http://www.lonestarroundup.com/) this weekend. It was crazy, people peeling out and drag racing and hanging out of the windows. It would have been fun to stay if I was on a balcony ( the same way I feel about Mardi Gras - only fun if I can watch it, not be in it!)

I don't know why I added all the links :crazy: - just in case people are as interested in food/drinks/boutique hotels/classic car conventions as I am I guess:laugh:

Tomorrow we are having people over for dinner, so I have to clean the house and get it all straightened up so I am not embarrassed to have people in my house.

[Gwenn]

Wow, that restaurant sounds amazing! I love to try different regional Mexican food.

[girlwonder]

Well, now the thread is locked, but I was wondering if people are in touch with elmobo-n-lexi. I hope she is doing well.

I'm off to bed now! I know I am up to late when my husband gets out of bed to tell me I should go to bed! :laugh:

[AmeriBrit]

I'm sorry, Mandy. Anniversaries like that are so hard.

[daylilies]

Oh my, Katy, that restaurant sounds amazing. I like drinks like that, too. Especially with salt rims.

[3andMe]

Mandy, I'm sorry.

Katy, you almost made me drool. That sounds wonderful.

I haven't been around much because my dad is in town. I'm spending a lot of time trying not to get frustrated when he completely contradicts me right in front of my children. If I tell Claire not to go down and play in the lake, that we're going to keep walking and catch up with everyone else, it drives me crazy when he interrupts me and says "No, she can do that. It's fine." I'm pretty sure he doesn't understand the implications of completely flouting my authority, but aside from that, since he is not safe, I don't want them to listen to him above me. He will be sitting with the baby on the couch and get up and just leave him there alone. It doesn't occur to him that Soren might fall off, or maybe he just forgets that he's there.

I cooked the entree for 10 of us last night, for our periodic family get-together. It was really easy. I made chicken coconut curry in individual foil packets. My mom made jasmine rice. I sliced summer squash and zucchini and cut up bite-sized pieces of chicken and laid them in squares of aluminum foil. I then made a slurry of coconut milk, curry paste, garlic, a little corn starch, chicken broth, red pepper flakes if you like it spicy and spooned it over the chicken and veggies, adding a little cilantro and scallions. Fold the foil into packets, and bake in a 425 degree oven for 22 minutes on a cookie sheet, and unwrap onto rice. Moist and flavorful.

My dad said he brought a book about raising children for me to read. He started talking about how I should be careful about not telling them they're smart. I said I already knew that. He talked about not spanking them. I said I already knew that. He mentioned a couple of other things, and I said this all sounded familiar, and then I said, "Is this book Nurtureshock?" And he said yes, so I said I had already read it. Hah! But then he got on me about not having the twins enrolled in a language class already. I agreed that foreign language was important, but asked why they needed to be in a language class, and he said that it was very important to be in a classroom setting because it helps focus the brain and makes them realize that they're supposed to be learning.

I told him that they're only 3, and from everything I've heard at this point, formal classroom learning is not the best way to learn. If he wants them to learn a foreign language, one hour of classroom learning a week isn't going to help them. Dh helpfully chimed in that a Spanish-speaking housecleaner or assistant would probably be more useful. :laugh:

[girlwonder]

I cooked the entree for 10 of us last night, for our periodic family get-together. It was really easy. I made chicken coconut curry in individual foil packets. My mom made jasmine rice. I sliced summer squash and zucchini and cut up bite-sized pieces of chicken and laid them in squares of aluminum foil. I then made a slurry of coconut milk, curry paste, garlic, a little corn starch, chicken broth, red pepper flakes if you like it spicy and spooned it over the chicken and veggies, adding a little cilantro and scallions. Fold the foil into packets, and bake in a 425 degree oven for 22 minutes on a cookie sheet, and unwrap onto rice. Moist and flavorful.


YUM! Maybe we should do that today instead of grilling brats - I bet that would work on the grill, too.

I'm sorry your dad is like that - it would be hard to be around that without blowing your top.

[Gwenn]

I cooked the entree for 10 of us last night, for our periodic family get-together. It was really easy. I made chicken coconut curry in individual foil packets. My mom made jasmine rice. I sliced summer squash and zucchini and cut up bite-sized pieces of chicken and laid them in squares of aluminum foil. I then made a slurry of coconut milk, curry paste, garlic, a little corn starch, chicken broth, red pepper flakes if you like it spicy and spooned it over the chicken and veggies, adding a little cilantro and scallions. Fold the foil into packets, and bake in a 425 degree oven for 22 minutes on a cookie sheet, and unwrap onto rice. Moist and flavorful.

This sounds amazing. You cook the best stuff.


Hah! But then he got on me about not having the twins enrolled in a language class already. I agreed that foreign language was important, but asked why they needed to be in a language class, and he said that it was very important to be in a classroom setting because it helps focus the brain and makes them realize that they're supposed to be learning.

I told him that they're only 3, and from everything I've heard at this point, formal classroom learning is not the best way to learn. If he wants them to learn a foreign language, one hour of classroom learning a week isn't going to help them. Dh helpfully chimed in that a Spanish-speaking housecleaner or assistant would probably be more useful. :laugh:

Your DH is right. I'm sorry about your dad.

[missychrissy]

Since I got nothing done today, I'll share this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knZ-0IEiE74) - the music fits my mood perfectly and it's just breathtaking. Yes, I would have been a groupie if I'd been around back then.

:rockon:


... After that we tried to go to Texas Roadhouse for steak. I have never gone before. It was a weekend but already 7:30. Waited 30 minutes and saw 3 different parties of two arrive after us get seated so went to see what was up with that....they were rude so DH said F it and we left. Went to Olive Garden instead and had a good dinner there....and I had a strawberry daiquiri. LOL I wasn't driving today so why not. :)

What was up with that? I would have been pissed too.

Lydia, your father would make me crazy I think. I can't imagine my parents giving me any sort of parenting advice, unless I specifically asked for it. Although Bobbie has opinions on parenting Conner...I'm not sure which is worse. I tell her we raised her and she came out all right, but she thinks she came out ok despite our parenting. I think most teens feel that way though.

We went out Friday night as a family but I can't say we had a great time. Rich had had a little to drink before we went out, so he was an ass. I ended up yelling at him on our front porch when we got home. I was so upset with him I didn't even care if our neighbors heard. I told him if he kept it up, even if we were in a house I couldn't afford on my own, I'd make him live in the garage. :laugh:

Speaking of houses, I wasn't going to say anything but because of my embarrassing screw-up the lady at Wells Fargo didn't think we'd get approved at this time, but she said she had to submit the application. Maybe I should have told her to just hold it then as she thought in 3 months it stood a better chance of going through. I didn't think of it then though.

The seller's realtor wrote to our realtor and asked where we stood in getting financing as they have a potential renter. They'd prefer to sell, of course, but they're closing on their new house in a month and need to do something. I immediately wrote to my realtor and told her we'd be interested in doing a 6 month or 1 year lease with option to buy if we fail to get financing at this time. That would give us time to clear up the little blip on our credit, and they'd have someone in there that they know would be buying it. They wouldn't have to relist it again at the end of the other person's lease.

Even if they do opt to rent it to the other person, it will still give us time to get financing, but I'd prefer to be in there myself of course.

[AmeriBrit]

Lydia, thanks for that recipe. We love curry (but not too spicy!)

Chrissy, I'm sending you house buying vibes! I hope you get that house that you want!

Today is Mother's Day in the UK. We've had a lovely day today; shopping in the morning and then a family meal in the afternoon/evening. (Oh, and I fit in to the size of clothing I did before I had kids so I am stoked!)

[3andMe]

So today we went to a historic farm, and the twins were jumping around on top of a hay bale circle, racing around. They were joined by a same age friend of theirs, who kept falling down and then the twins would jump down and their friend would end up kind of wrestling with them a little. Their father (and I as well) don't make a big deal of falling down, but he goes the other way and makes a game of the falling down and starts yelling "Tumble bumble fumble jumble!" every time a fall happens, and kind of egging on the collisions. Pretty soon, his son was falling on purpose, and pushing the twins down. Then some other kids, strangers, were jumping up on the hay bales and this friend was pushing those kids down and crashing into them. The friend's father wasn't controlling him, and he is not good at discipline--probably because he only has custody two weekends a month and is scared of doing anything that isn't 'fun.' So he was pushing other kids, and all his dad said was "Hey, do you see that's not Ronin?"

I told the twins they needed to start playing more gently, and that they needed to be careful of the other kids, and that there was to be no more pushing. Then the friend and Ronin fell onto each other on the ground, and I told them they needed to stop now, no more roughhousing. My dad interjected and said it was okay, I should just let them keep playing. I turned toward him, and said, "And I don't want to hear one more instance of you contradicting me after I tell my children something!"

This was after I had decided I was going to be relaxed and let him just run off with the kids without telling me. I was pretty okay with that. Apparently I hadn't psyched myself up enough for the other assaults. My dad opened his mouth to say something, and as I was following the kids, I heard dh tell him that it completely undermines our authority and our discipline to have him contradicting us at every turn. It didn't feel good to say it, and I think it was the first time in my whole life that I ever stood up to him in any way, but I have to say when we were at the lake later on that day and we were told that it was too contaminated to wade in so we told the kids no wading, I could just see the smoke coming out of my dad's ears in his effort not to take them splashing into the water. I have to confess, this has not been a good visit. As usual.

[girlwonder]

I'm really proud of you for saying that. I know it doesn't feel good, but what he was doing was not right. It may lead to less stressful visits if he knows the boundaries, kwim? :hugs:

[Gwenn]

Lydia, I'm sorry visits from your father are so stressful. I'm proud of you for saying something, especially since it was so hard for you. It sounds like he did try to listen, even though it was hard for him. :hugs:

[Gwenn]

I just realized I haven't written my eval report yet. We're meeting with the family to review the evaluation tomorrow morning. :(

[AmeriBrit]

Mandy, how long will it take you to write?

Lydia, I'm sorry about the stress of your dad's visit; I feel it will be the same for us when we go see my parents in May....fun fun fun.

[missychrissy]

I'm sorry your visit was so stressful, but unpleasant as it was, it needed to be said. I think you handled it very well, considering. Maybe it'll make future visits easier to enjoy.

[Bridget]

Lydia, your dad sounds over the top. I'm glad you said something and that your dh had your back.
Mandy, did you have to stay up all night?

Ash, I love the tat! I've been thinking of getting another one myself. I keep meaning to ask you where you were in AK? My oldest and dearest friend owns the coffee shop inside the resort in Girdwood. I miss her very much and so wish I could go visit.

We are officially looking for a building to open up a daycare center. My brother is going to help me run it and dad wants to be the cook. He wants to retire from his job so badly but still wants to work. If this works out I'd be so happy! And if we move back to Hawaii in the distant future, my brother could keep running it. If all goes as planned, it's win win for everyone. (I hate that I can't use/hear the word "win" without thinking of Charlie Sheen)

[missychrissy]

Oh wow Bridget! That's fabulous! You're right, it does sound like a win/win situation for everyone! I hope you find a place soon.

[demigraf]

D'oh! I'm stuck in a tunel on the train, so I can't browse around to check up on Shanna's birth story (congrats!), foodie links (yum!), Zeppelin vids, and other locked threads mentioned in here.

Ash, yeeouch, what a huge tat! I am such a wimp that my auto-response is to cringe at the thought of the pain when I see fresh ink like that. If I weren't such a wimp, I'd get a chain of flying Oz monkeys tattoed in a band around my thigh. If anyone wants to go ahead and get that done on themselves, I'd happily live vicariously thru you.

lydia, at first I was impressed that your dad was quoting N.Shock, but then it sounds like things got worse from there. I'm sorry his visit just couldn't be plain fun. :comfort:

[missychrissy]

Uh, I'm not sure about the band of Oz monkey :lol: I think you should do it though! How neat would that be?

I got a tattoo and I'm terrified of needles (like, as in I've actually passed out having blood drawn at least twice in my life). I won't lie, I found it incredibly painful and just on the 'safe' side of the edge between clenched jaw and watering eyes. If it went on for much longer, I think I would have quit. Mine took 25 minutes. That said, it was worth it. I'm trying to get up the nerve to have it colored in again. I was bleeding so much (hello, coffee-aholic!) that some of the color bled out too. My own fault-he warned me not to drink caffeine for 24 hours but I didn't listen.

I think that's an excellent way to put it if it comes up again. Lydia, if it comes up just reassure your dad that you want him to be able to enjoy the kids. He's done his parenting and now it's your turn.

Myself, I used to say, "You got to ruin your kids your way, now I'm gonna ruin mine my way." Of course, I didn't mean it literally, but it got my point across. I can't remember the last time I got unwanted advice or someone interfering with me and my kids.

Actually, I can. Jesi's friends have all the answers and never hesitate to list all the ways Rich & I fail as parents. :eyeroll:

[missychrissy]

I finally got to schedule that interview. Wednesday at 9:00 a.m.

[daylilies]

I'll get that tattoo for you :) But it wouldn't be in honor of The Wizard of Oz, it would be for Wicked :)
I have a tattoo on one of my shoulder blades and it really didn't hurt. I want to get another one, a small star, maybe on my calf, or even near my first tattoo. My first tattoo is an angel, so I think the star would work with that theme. I'm actually liking that idea the more I think of it. DH doesn't like tattoos much so maybe it would be less offensive than if I got a tattoo on a different body part :)

[Cosmosmom]

I'm not a fan of tattoos. My DH strongly hates them so none for me. But my sister has a couple. One is a tramp stamp type for Evanensence. One is the words Little Monster on her leg just above the ankle....the other is same area but maybe other leg and is some star design she did herself. She was talking about getting Defying Gravity on her too though maybe she changed her mind. She's using it as motivation for weight loss and 31 more lbs gets her another one. I just tell her as long as it's someplace that can be covered since she's a professional. I know my employer requires NO visible tattoos.

Yeah Chrissy! will be sending good interview vibes at 8am Wednesday (my time so 9am yours).

Lydia, sounds perfectly reasonable to say that to your dad.

I fully expect my parents, well especially my mom to talk about parenting once I get a kid. I mean that is just how the family is. Mom and I will talk about my aunt sometimes and if she isn't doing something right with the kids. Or I will tell my sister what to do. I tried to tell my parents how to train their dog even though they have had more dogs than I have. Course my mom is mostly right and I tend to be like her and will mostly do things like how she did/would so not expecting much trouble there. And my MIL is awesome about not overstepping. But I would probably just do whatever I wanted anyway.
But yeah I do think that for example, my BFF is doing some things with her daughter that I don't are quite right (nothing damaging of course) and definitely not what I would. But I figure that is her kid and their family isn't mine....and for the most part the kid is pretty nice and cute and fun. I don't tell her my every thought and opinion....just some. :) And she is good about that even though I don't have kids. Of course she has thoughts and opinions about dogs....and has never had one of those. I know she thinks I'm crazy for thinking of Cosmo as my little baby girl and treating her like a little person. :) It's cool because DH and I like our Cosmo just how she is.

[Gwenn]

I don't have tattoos. Before I met DH (this would have been in my mid 20's) I was considering getting a ring of roses tattooed in a circle around my bicep. I held off, though, primarily because I'm a wimp but also because I didn't want it to prevent me from wearing short-sleeved shirts to work as we live in a very hot climate and I wear short-sleeved shirts from February to November many years. In the summer, it's not an option and it's usually sleeveless. So I never had the nerve to do it and when I met DH I quickly learned that he has a pet peeve about tattoos. He has several of his own but he insists that back when he got his in the mid 80's, people got them out of rebellion and not because it was trendy. He insists doing it because it's trendy goes against the whole point of tattoos. In light of that, I quickly lost all desire to ever get a tattoo! The funny part is, my boss has a tattoo around her bicep that is extremely visible and she frequently wears sleeveless shirts. I would have thought that would be a huge no-no in a public school setting, but I don't actually recall a policy on it. That said, DH is uncomfortable wearing t-shirts because of some of his tats and regrets the first one he got as it's not very well done. A skull and crossbones isn't the first thing you want to present to a customer in a business setting. He has a great tribal design with a dagger in the center tattooed around his bicep, though, that he designed himself and it's gorgeous.

Once I finally wrote the report it took me about an hour and a half ... too bad I waited until around 1:00 am to start. I was so frustrated because I finally started getting a clear picture for a scene for my novel and wanted to work on it. It's actually the first time I've worked on it since I found out DH was deploying and I REALLY didn't want to lose the creative energy. Wrote about 1000 words last night, which isn't bad, then wrote my report and put in another hour and a half of getting the rest of the paperwork in place this morning before the meeting. And that was a quick one - 3 hours of work. I've spent full working days on some.

Oh, and I'm up to 13,259 words on my novel. Out of a projected 80,000. Not too bad - but I feel like I'm 1/3 to 1/2 done with the action I've outlined. I feel like I should post my word count or something to keep myself accountable.

[Bridget]

I have an armband tattoo and one on each hip.
Dbf told me shortly after we started hanging out that he didn't like girls with tattoos. Or hippy girls. Or girls who smoked cigarettes. :eyeroll:
Whoopsy daisy. I was all of the above.:laugh:

[The10Eels]

And Ash, what I meant by my last post is that I don't know who that third name is.
Lol... I knew what you meant by it!


Kate, I think that's Charlie's middle name if I remember correctly.

Yup.. Charlies real name is Charlene Rhaelynn. :wub:




Ash, I love the tat! I've been thinking of getting another one myself. I keep meaning to ask you where you were in AK? My oldest and dearest friend owns the coffee shop inside the resort in Girdwood. I miss her very much and so wish I could go visit.


I was in the Fairbanks/North Pole area... Same place Cass (bean) is at now. :ohno: of course she moved there after I left.. I have been in the resort in Girdwood, but didn't stop at the coffee shop. I can say with 100% certainty that you would LOVE Girdwood. Full of hippies:winks: and absolutely beautiful




Ash, yeeouch, what a huge tat! I am such a wimp that my auto-response is to cringe at the thought of the pain when I see fresh ink like that. If I weren't such a wimp, I'd get a chain of flying Oz monkeys tattoed in a band around my thigh. If anyone wants to go ahead and get that done on themselves, I'd happily live vicariously thru you.

I feel like such a wimp most of the time, but while not pleasant by any means, I don't really think tattoos HURT. more like a slight burn.. and i'm sore afterwards...


I have an armband tattoo and one on each hip.
Dbf told me shortly after we started hanging out that he didn't like girls with tattoos. Or hippy girls. Or girls who smoked cigarettes. :eyeroll:
Whoopsy daisy. I was all of the above.:laugh:

bwahahaha... I love it! I tend to actually date guys that end up being totally turned on by women with tattoos. works for me! lol

Funny part about that too, is that in most of my clothes, I only have one that is visible... (an ankh on my right forearm) then they find out that I actually have 7 (or 8 depending on how you count) and flip




OK -- So I was going to share this with the tattoo pic but the girls were being crazy..

I went in to get that tattoo on April 1. It was the Grand-Re-Opening (they moved into a new building) and they were donating half of the proceeds they made that day to the Japanese Relief Effort. So I made my appointment (why not get a tattoo and do something good at the same time?)

I write down Charlies name so he has the proper spelling, and get comfy in the chair...

An hour and a half later, he snaps a quick pic, shows me, and bandages me up.... I didn't get a great look at the tattoo, but could see overall design, and I liked it. So I pay and leave. My friend takes the bandage off, and takes another pic for me and............................................... ...................

Charlies middle name is spelled wrong.....

He left out the "h".

April Fools to Me.





Obviously he fixed it, but I felt kind of like a **** (yet entitled at the same time) to walk into the party and say "Hey, my tattoo is effed up"

[AbbeysMom]

Bridget: Awesome news about the daycare place! I hope you find something perfect for your business.

Myles: :hi: Love to catch up with you when your work isn't so demanding. :)

Lydia: I had a rough moment with my FIL about parenting last time they came and stayed with us. Now they want to take us to San Antonio in their RV, which could be lovely but I've heard stories from my SIL of them letting her children run around like a bunch of free-range chickens while they are going down the highway, so I'm worried just keeping Abbey in her carseat will be battle. It's such an energy sucker to have to constantly justify your parenting decisions. :hugs:

Ashley: What kind of tattoo artist spells the name wrong?! I would've been mad.


Gwenn: What's your novel about? Can you talk about it?

Chrissy: what happened with the Wells Fargo woman?

[Gwenn]

Oh, and to comment on some of the many other things I forgot to comment on, Bridget, I think that's an amazing idea about the day care. Go for it! Would your dad carry on with the organic cooking?

And Chrissy, congrats about the interview!

Abbeysmom (sorry I forgot your name :( ), it's sort of your basic girl meets boy story. Nothing too profound but there's a rock band, an introverted musician, and a little boy with autism that all tie in somewhere. But that's all I really want to say. I actually go to great lengths in the beginning to keep the reader guessing. ;)

[Bridget]

Oh, and to comment on some of the many other things I forgot to comment on, Bridget, I think that's an amazing idea about the day care. Go for it! Would your dad carry on with the organic cooking?

And Chrissy, congrats about the interview!

Abbeysmom (sorry I forgot your name :( ), it's sort of your basic girl meets boy story. Nothing too profound but there's a rock band, an introverted musician, and a little boy with autism that all tie in somewhere. But that's all I really want to say. I actually go to great lengths in the beginning to keep the reader guessing. ;)
Ok, I'm hooked! Hope to read it someday.
Yes the organic, whole foods to nourish the mind and body would be a focus in the center. I think it would be cool to bring the program to a low income neighborhood.

Ash, I spent 3 weeks in Girdwood pre-kids. It was lovely and what you say is right. I don't qualify as a hippy in that town!:laugh:

[Gwenn]

Bridget, I wish we lived close to each other. You could have your center and I would provide integrated speech therapy services for needy kids! Wouldn't that be awesome?

[Bridget]

Bridget, I wish we lived close to each other. You could have your center and I would provide integrated speech therapy services for needy kids! Wouldn't that be awesome?
Yes!! :wub: Ah, in a perfect world....

[girlwonder]

Oh, and Chrissy - I think that would be great about the house. You could be in it while working on your credit. I really hope that works for you.

Bridget - sounds like a good plan for your daycare. A nice way to stay close to your family and see them a lot more often. I'm sure your kids would love it too. And what a nice way to keep you dad active and involved!

Congratulations of writing so much, Mandy! I hope you can continue to write at that pace. I am excited to hear about your husband's homecoming!

I never seriously considered a tattoo. Just couldn't think of anything I loved enough to permanently inscribe on my person. And I think it would bug me to see it all the time, so I would want it somewhere I couldn't see it, like the the bottom of my foot and OUCH would that hurt! I used to say that I would get a tattoo if they invented glittery ink, but I think even if they had glittery ink I couldn't do it. I have people all the time tell me I should design tattoos, though. I think I would like to do that.

[3andMe]

Katy, I used to think about getting a tattoo on the bottom of my foot, too.

I get asked about it all the time, just because of the song Lydia the Tattooed Lady. I have no tattoos. I could never commit. And I've always been aware, from a very young age, that it was easier to get away with more with a with a mainstream appearance. I had a pretty bad girl lifestyle starting in high school, (edited to remove details), but I maintained a 4.0 and a neat appearance and even when pulled over I was only ever given warnings.

My favorite line from the song:

She's got eyes that men adore so
And a torso even more so

[Gwenn]

Lydia, I have a good friend at work also named Lydia and every time I talk about her to DH he insists on singing that song! Drives me crazy!

Makes me realize I probably shouldn't complain about all the guys singing Barry Manilow to me over the years!

[Gwenn]

Eek, double post.

[missychrissy]

Is it bad or good that I don't know what either of those songs were?

I had a reply written up but APA stalled on me and I got frustrated and closed my browser. Someone (Myles?) asked about the Wells Fargo lady...we should hear one way or another about prequalifying by Wednesday.

Mandy, when I read your post about all the writing you did, I had to take a nap. How exhausting!!

[Gwenn]

Well, the Barry Manilow song I was referring to was Mandy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRIylF76-wc). It was really big in the 70's. Maybe everyone's forgotten that one? Good!

And I am exhausted. I need to get to sleep early tonight. I was feeling kind of lightheaded at work today - can lack of sleep make you lightheaded?

[3andMe]

I just went to look up the Lydia song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WB-T0Ill08) in Google for Chrissy and found what dh had been searching for last: "solving a complex system of linear equations." Yep, pretty sure he hasn't been browsing porn when I was in the other room. :laugh: He asked Ronin yesterday if he could go to any country in the world, where he'd like to go, and Ronin answered "The country where they have the Large Hadron Collider (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Hadron_Collider)."

Chrissy, it's probably good that you don't know the songs. Most of the people who know the Lydia song are pretty old.

[The10Eels]

I confess that my mom flew to tucson today to be with my dying aunt. She (my aunt) is in the icu with delayed hemolytic reaction, has had a possible heart attack, her kidneys are operating at thirty percent and doesnt really recognize anyone. my cousin asked her if she recognized her or if she could say her name. My aunt just stared at her and said "name"

[Bridget]

I confess that my mom flew to tucson today to be with my dying aunt. She (my aunt) is in the icu with delayed hemolytic reaction, has had a possible heart attack, her kidneys are operating at thirty percent and doesnt really recognize anyone. my cousin asked her if she recognized her or if she could say her name. My aunt just stared at her and said "name"
I'm so sorry.:hugs: Is the cousin her daughter? I remember the moment I realized my mom didn't know who I was. Like a kick in the gut.
I hope that your aunt goes peacefully.:hugs:

[missychrissy]

I confess that my mom flew to tucson today to be with my dying aunt. She (my aunt) is in the icu with delayed hemolytic reaction, has had a possible heart attack, her kidneys are operating at thirty percent and doesnt really recognize anyone. my cousin asked her if she recognized her or if she could say her name. My aunt just stared at her and said "name"
Oh no. :hugs: I'm so sorry.

I'm positive I never heard the Lydia song, but it's cute. I don't believe I ever heard the Mandy one. It didn't sound familiar at all. But no one I know is really a Barry Manilow fan.

[missychrissy]

I just realized an ATM my husband tried to use the other night made 2 'withdrawals' against our account. Except, he didn't get any cash and went to yet another ATM in town...(remember the night he called me to say the one he tried to use was out of service?)

My bank says it can take up to 10 business days to correct because it wasn't their machine but another institution's. It doesn't affect anything-we're not having bounced checks or whatever, but it's annoying. They better fess up to their error. :hissy:

[Bridget]

Dbf's dad called to let us know he has prostate cancer.:ohno:
Have I mentioned how much cancer absolutely terrifies me? It's everywhere.
We bought our tickets to Canada and now we officially have no money. Is it weird that fact hardly stresses me out? Dbf kept saying we couldn't afford to go. I told him we can't afford not to. Once a year is hardly enough for the kids to see his family. Someday they will be gone.
We're only broke until we get paid again. So just a few more days...

[daylilies]

Ash and Bridget :( So sorry about the ailing members in your family...

For some reason, I can vaguely recall some of the lyrics to that Lydia song. Was it on a Sesame Street skit in the 80's or something?

[Ky'sMom]

I'm also sorry about your family members Ashley and Bridgett. I hope your FIL's prostate cancer is treatable and he can recover.

Erin

[missychrissy]

Oh God Bridget :hugs:

[daylilies]

The Muppet Show! That's where I know the Lydia song from.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHXZA_5XMJ4

[Cosmosmom]

Bridget, I wish we lived close to each other. You could have your center and I would provide integrated speech therapy services for needy kids! Wouldn't that be awesome?
What's that Mandy....you want to move to Wisconsin? Actually is pretty warm out today...supposed to be low 50's and most of the snow is gone. :laugh:

[Cosmosmom]

Lydia, I have a good friend at work also named Lydia and every time I talk about her to DH he insists on singing that song! Drives me crazy!

Makes me realize I probably shouldn't complain about all the guys singing Barry Manilow to me over the years!
I think that there might be a Jennifer song but never gotten that sung to me.

Now my sister is a Roxanne. :laugh: Many many many times people hear that and start going Roxanne...you don't have to put out the red light.

[daylilies]

867-5309 Jenny!

[Cosmosmom]

I don't know the Lydia song but have definitely heard Mandy before. I was almost named Amanda.

Hugs Ashley....I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt.

Bridget....the money thing would freak us out but we are paranoid about money. But I agree that visiting family is vital. I'm sorry to hear about your FIL. How old is he? Prostate cancer is super common and usually pretty slow growing. There are a LOT of treatment options available for it and it will just depend on his age and what stage.

[missychrissy]

My mom used to sing Dolly's "Christina" to me when I was little. I never heard Dolly's version (that I remember) till a few months ago. I actually think my mom sings it better, but I'm sure I'm terribly biased :D

[AmeriBrit]

I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL, Bridget and your Aunt, Ashley. :(

I went back and forth about deciding if we should go to see my parents this year since money is the tightest it's ever been but with my 2 grandmas in not great shape and my cousin going missing, I decided we just had to go and we'll just be more conservative with our money to afford it.

Y'all, this is a true confession: I accidentally conned a shop assistant today; I picked up a skirt that was on a rail that said "everything is £5." When I got to the counter to pay, it said it was £10, so I said, "but it was on the £5 rail." So the guy was like, "OK" without even checking. When I walked out, I realized that it was on the other side of the rail that said "everything is £10." Oooops!

[AmeriBrit]

And it was a nice Billabong skirt that should have been £35.

[girlwonder]

I'm sorry, Ashley and Bridget, about your news.

I only had one person ever bug me with a song - it was a friend's mom when I was 6 and every.single.time. she saw me, she would sing "K-K-K-Katyyy!!!!" I don't think I have ever heard the song, but I know the first line :laugh:

[missychrissy]

Y'all, this is a true confession: I accidentally conned a shop assistant today; I picked up a skirt that was on a rail that said "everything is £5." When I got to the counter to pay, it said it was £10, so I said, "but it was on the £5 rail." So the guy was like, "OK" without even checking. When I walked out, I realized that it was on the other side of the rail that said "everything is £10." Oooops!
oops.

I did something similar at Walmart on Saturday. I noticed the clerk rang up Bobbie's sheet protectors twice and by the time I said something, she'd also swiped the coffee. She took 'something' off and I didn't realize till later it was the coffee.

[missychrissy]

I went back and forth about deciding if we should go to see my parents this year since money is the tightest it's ever been but with my 2 grandmas in not great shape and my cousin going missing, I decided we just had to go and we'll just be more conservative with our money to afford it.
I think you made the right choice. When it comes to family, you can't put a $ on it.

[daylilies]

I'm sorry, Ashley and Bridget, about your news.

I only had one person ever bug me with a song - it was a friend's mom when I was 6 and every.single.time. she saw me, she would sing "K-K-K-Katyyy!!!!" I don't think I have ever heard the song, but I know the first line :laugh:

Yup, exactly this. I only know the first line. LOL

[demigraf]

I'm so sorry to hear about your family members, Bridget & Ash! I hope the folks that are ill are comfortable and feel like they did much of what they wanted to do in their lifetimes. :comfort:

[The10Eels]

I confess that my mom flew to tucson today to be with my dying aunt. She (my aunt) is in the icu with delayed hemolytic reaction, has had a possible heart attack, her kidneys are operating at thirty percent and doesnt really recognize anyone. my cousin asked her if she recognized her or if she could say her name. My aunt just stared at her and said "name"

I confess that seemed like a much longer confession when I was typing it on my phone!


and thank you all for your thoughts. Its hard since my aunt and her family are the only ones on my moms side that we ever really had any relationship with.

They are doing a bone marrow test today, all other tests have come back negative, but she keeps going downhill.

[Gwenn]

I confess that my mom flew to tucson today to be with my dying aunt. She (my aunt) is in the icu with delayed hemolytic reaction, has had a possible heart attack, her kidneys are operating at thirty percent and doesnt really recognize anyone. my cousin asked her if she recognized her or if she could say her name. My aunt just stared at her and said "name"

:hugs: Ashley. That's really hard. Do you know what hospital she is in?


I'm positive I never heard the Lydia song, but it's cute. I don't believe I ever heard the Mandy one. It didn't sound familiar at all. But no one I know is really a Barry Manilow fan.

I don't know any Barry Manilow fans, either, but people sang that song at me my entire.life up until college age. Then when I went to college it was drunk guys at parties, which was more amusing but also annoying in its own way. That's what I got for being a music major the first time around - the only guys I knew were ones who had no problem bursting into song for no reason, but had no interest in anything ELSE!


Dbf's dad called to let us know he has prostate cancer.:ohno:
Have I mentioned how much cancer absolutely terrifies me? It's everywhere.

:hugs: Bridget. I've been through prostate cancer with my grandfather and my uncle and from what I understand it is slow-growing and very treatable. My grandfather was told by his doctor that at his age, it wouldn't be the cancer that would kill him. They were right, he died of heart failure at 93. My uncle has had multiple radiation treatments and gone into remission a couple of times. He's cancer free.


What's that Mandy....you want to move to Wisconsin? Actually is pretty warm out today...supposed to be low 50's and most of the snow is gone. :laugh:

:laugh: I'd freeze to death!


I think that there might be a Jennifer song but never gotten that sung to me.

Now my sister is a Roxanne. :laugh: Many many many times people hear that and start going Roxanne...you don't have to put out the red light.

I don't know a Jennifer song ... but yeah, Roxanne is just asking for it. Pretty name but I would NEVER name a baby Roxanne because of that song.


867-5309 Jenny!

:laugh: Oh, that one! Now that's going to be stuck in my head all night!


I don't know the Lydia song but have definitely heard Mandy before. I was almost named Amanda.

Hugs Ashley....I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt.

Bridget....the money thing would freak us out but we are paranoid about money. But I agree that visiting family is vital. I'm sorry to hear about your FIL. How old is he? Prostate cancer is super common and usually pretty slow growing. There are a LOT of treatment options available for it and it will just depend on his age and what stage.

ITA about the prostate cancer.

Oddly enough, no one has ever sung Amanda to me. Then again, the only people who really call me Amanda are DH and my mother. And DH has never sung ANYTHING in his life! Except once he tried to sing Ring of Fire at karaoke and failed miserably. I've accepted that I apparently could have either a man who can sing or a man who is interested in other things.


I only had one person ever bug me with a song - it was a friend's mom when I was 6 and every.single.time. she saw me, she would sing "K-K-K-Katyyy!!!!" I don't think I have ever heard the song, but I know the first line :laugh:

I don't know the Katy song!

[Cosmosmom]

:hugs: Bridget. I've been through prostate cancer with my grandfather and my uncle and from what I understand it is slow-growing and very treatable. My grandfather was told by his doctor that at his age, it wouldn't be the cancer that would kill him. They were right, he died of heart failure at 93. My uncle has had multiple radiation treatments and gone into remission a couple of times. He's cancer free.



:laugh: I'd freeze to death!



I don't know a Jennifer song ... but yeah, Roxanne is just asking for it. Pretty name but I would NEVER name a baby Roxanne because of that song.



:laugh: Oh, that one! Now that's going to be stuck in my head all night!


Oddly enough, no one has ever sung Amanda to me. Then again, the only people who really call me Amanda are DH and my mother. And DH has never sung ANYTHING in his life! Except once he tried to sing Ring of Fire at karaoke and failed miserably. I've accepted that I apparently could have either a man who can sing or a man who is interested in other things.





Yes, I have been told that most men if they live long enough will have prostate cancer. My MIL's Dh had it at like 40 or 41 which is really quite young and he did have a more aggressive form so what they did was biopsy it and they decided due to his age to remove it. And even with it being aggressive, they still didn't need to do any kinds of chemo or radiation and he's ok a couple of years later (well now he's an ahole but is fine physically).


Yeah it was nice today! I didn't even wear my jacket after work when I was doing errands and voting. I'm guessing maybe 50 or 51 degrees.
What is the coldest you have ever been in Mandy? I start complaining about the heat after about 74. :laugh:

I was going to say that maybe my parents named her first but she was born in 1983 and I checked and the song came out in 1978. Oh well she has never minded a hooker song being sung at her and Dad always liked Police. :laugh: Just as long as we call her Roxanne or Rocky she is cool....she HATES Roxy or Roxie with a passion...don't know why as I think that those are cute. I think that the parents realized that doing a Jennifer with a super common last name wasn't the brightest so they went less common with the sister.

My Dh isn't a singer at all but sings all the time. Either to songs or his favorite is taking other songs tunes and turning them into Cosmo songs. Usually has lyrics along the lines of being fuzzy and cute and furry to boot and a sneaky bed hog. :laugh: We are kind of obsessed with our Cosmo. :P

[Gwenn]

Jennifer, I've lived in cold weather. I lived in New York until I was 14 and we had real winters with snow, but we were nearer the coast so it didn't get super cold the way it does in western NY. And in college I lived in Flagstaff which is a mountain town. Cool in the summer and colder winters but really it never got far below 0. It would freeze and thaw a lot so there was a ton of ice on the road which was worse than snow for driving. One of the reasons I've stayed in the heat - driving up and down mountains on sheets of ice! Not a lot of fun and I was always terrified. You may have snow, but I don't think you have mountains with 100+ foot sheer drops 2' away from your car.

Oh, it was 89 here today! But supposed to be 60 this weekend (37 overnight) when DH comes home so I might be pretty chilly when I go to pick him up - his flight lands in the morning.

And DH is constantly speaking in the "voice" of our dogs. He'll have entire conversations with me from the dogs' point of view. I love all the emotions and motivations he projects into them...

[daylilies]

I wish DH loved animals like that. I wanted to get a dog eventually but if he's going to see a dog as a nuisance, like he sees the cats, I don't want another pet at all.

[Gwenn]

Hard to tell ... dogs have more personality than cats (I say this as both a dog and cat person and I adore my cat - I mew to her to start a conversation to be honest) so dogs can be more approachable sometimes. Then again, dogs are a lot more demanding so if he doesn't like the dog, he'll not like it a lot more strongly than he doesn't like the cats. If that makes any sense.

[Gwenn]

My poor nephew. My sister just told me she had to have him cut out of the seat belt in the back of her car. She was driving him home from school (he goes to private school and it's a 45 minute drive) and he fell asleep on the way home. He got twisted up while he slept and when he woke and it had pulled tight and locked, he panicked and fought it more so it got tighter and tighter. Poor thing was hysterical. He's not little, either, he's almost 12. I feel so bad for him...

[daylilies]

Oh wow! How did he get tangled up?
Yeah, I know what you mean about the dog. Especially since I'm infatuated with German Sheperds and they seem to be pretty high maintenance as far as having to entertain them and give them lots of exercise.

[missychrissy]

I had my interview. I'm not sure how well I did as I'm sick and just wasn't feeling it. I don't think it was bad, but I surely wasn't at the top of my game.

No word yet from Wells Fargo. I'm not sure if they're going to call, write, or send an email.

[demigraf]

Gosh, Mandy, your poor nephew! And your poor sister too. I know how awful it can get when your little one is panicking and SOMETHING must be done. I hope the seatbelt is an easy one to replace too.

Appropo of nothing, I confess I am addicted to House Hunters International on HGTV.

Today I finish off the last of a series of presentations I've been doing on a new feature of the software I'd been designing. I will be so glad it's over. Generally, this signals the end of the busy phase for me in a project, and then I just go into support mode, answering people's questions and training trainers while they try to build the thing I designed. The first phase should be released by the end of this year. I don't want to do a victory lap yet. When I first started this gig, I bragged how easy it was, and it's been very challenging. I still am not sure if the work is actually harder or if I just have higher standards for myself.

I confess the hardest part about my work these recent weeks has been having my attention taken away from Bodhi. I am disappointed in myself, as if there might have been some way I could have controlled the amount of work my job was gonna demand of me. I have tried to double up on sleeping with him at night (Dh and I take turns) just so he gets more of me, but I think he misses me so much that it makes him act up and tantrum a lot more in my presence. I try to stay to let B know I won't go away even when he's being difficult; I try not to let Steve tell me to just leave and let Steve calm Bodhi down. But then it gets to the point where no one is going to go to sleep with Bodhi demanding things from me all night long (he's really into rubbing my tummy and poking my belly button - weird I know, but it does make him calm). So it's happened twice that I've left in the middle of the night with Steve taking over the Bodhi care because I just couldn't help B sleep. It felt like failure and I left sort of crying both times. I really hope this is just a phase - one part adjustment to mommy working out of home and one part him just being a very expressive toddler. I also hope my work doesn't involve long hours like that again for awhile.

I have gone back to dreaming of opening up a mom-centered brick and mortar business, where I can have the kids around while I work, like a play cafe with an arts and crafts area for moms, and maybe even a yoga space. I'd love to be able to somehow incorporate my own hobbies (my mosaics, upcycled furniture and recycled clothing for sale) and let other crafty moms in the area sell their stuff too on consignment through the shop. Then I start running the numbers and thinking how much revenue the place would have to generate in order to keep it afloat, and then it starts to not sound like a good idea.

Over a year and a half ago, I started building two websites with teams of developers in India. One site is related to vacation rentals in off-the-beaten path spots, the other is an Etsy-type of marketplace. The idea there too was to have a web-based business out of the home to stay closer to Bodhi while I worked. The sites are still only 90% complete, and I have just been really bad at managing the teams to the point of getting the sites done. There's always a technical or communication snag or I get too preoccupied and ignore the projects for long periods of time. So anyway, as I was running the numbers in my head again for my "creative space/play cafe", I got really stern with myself over not finishing my other sites and started the ball rolling on them again. It's been a humbling learning experience already, just trying to get these sites off the ground, and not being even able to do that. So yeah, back to it - when I'm not busy with my "real job" or spending time wih Bodhi or still getting the new home in order or just generally keeping the activities that make me happy in my life (cycling, hiking, surfing, gardening) on a daily basis. Easily done, right? ;)

Point is... this whole doing-what-you-love thing... it's no simple feat. I'm so proud of and inspired by our mamas here who are pursuing their own dreams of working for themselves. Bridget, your daycare center sounds fantastic. I would absolutely be your first client if I were anywhere near you (and if I weren't trying so hard to not put Bodhi in daycare. LOL.).

[demigraf]

chrissy - I'm sorry you don't feel your interview went well. It probably was way better than you thought. :comfort:

[AbbeysMom]

My poor nephew. My sister just told me she had to have him cut out of the seat belt in the back of her car. She was driving him home from school (he goes to private school and it's a 45 minute drive) and he fell asleep on the way home. He got twisted up while he slept and when he woke and it had pulled tight and locked, he panicked and fought it more so it got tighter and tighter. Poor thing was hysterical. He's not little, either, he's almost 12. I feel so bad for him...

OMG! That's totally happened to me! In my ILs car their back seatbelts can turn into boa constrictors, just getting tighter and tighter the more you try to get out. I've panicked too, and I'm an adult.


I had my interview. I'm not sure how well I did as I'm sick and just wasn't feeling it. I don't think it was bad, but I surely wasn't at the top of my game.

No word yet from Wells Fargo. I'm not sure if they're going to call, write, or send an email.

:fingerscrossed: for you!
---


and :hugs: for you Myles! I know all too well that being overworked and missing your babe sure makes you dream of new ideas for income.

[missychrissy]

Point is... this whole doing-what-you-love thing... it's no simple feat. I'm so proud of and inspired by our mamas here who are pursuing their own dreams of working for themselves. Bridget, your daycare center sounds fantastic. I would absolutely be your first client if I were anywhere near you (and if I weren't trying so hard to not put Bodhi in daycare. LOL.).
No kidding. I often think I should look into furthering my technical skills in one area or another, but then I fear working salary and being subject to late nights and on call. I just can't bear the thought. I don't know how you do it...plus have time to speculate about other business ventures. :hugs:

I love House Hunters International too.

[daylilies]

I think the whole thing with interviews is that we agonize over every little thing and the interviewee probably doesn't remember or didn't notice everything we pick ourselves apart over. Good luck!
I've felt like pretty much every interview I've done was crappy and I still managed to get hired at a few jobs. LOL
Speaking of jobs, I never heard back from that volunteer DJ position I applied for. I followed up twice (a week after I applied, and then two weeks) and then gave up. They kept saying they were going to get back to everyone who applied. Whatever!

[missychrissy]

I hate that. I think they should always get back with every person, just so you know one way or another. My current boss waited so long to get back with me I was certain that I didn't get the job. Little did I know, he's the king of procrastination. Then he sent me the job offer via email. :D I still laugh about that.

[missychrissy]

My broker at WF submitted our application to the wrong mailbox and didn't get notification that it was the wrong mailbox, so she had to re-submit it but did so with a 'rush' request. Now we have to wait till Friday to hear back.

I don't know what she said to our realtor, but our realtor seems to think we have a good chance of being approved. I most definitely remember Sara indicating otherwise to me when I dropped the paperwork off. In fact, she said something to the effect that she had to submit it by law, but in other words she thought it would be a waste of time. She even said we could try again in 3 months when my embarrassing screw up wouldn't appear on our credit pull.

It's really hard to not get my hopes back up now, after reading the email from my realtor. She's ready to start the verbal offer because she feels we're going to get qualified. The next step would be getting our first choice house approved.

[Bridget]

Look at my Bubs, you guys.:wub:
http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/208721_10150209079019468_675319467_8374375_6105011 _n.jpg (http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=8374371&id=675319467)

[stash]

Beautiful boy!!!! I suck. So busy I haven't been in here at all... miss you!!!

[stash]

P.s. owning your own business is no picnic. I wouldn't take a "regular" job ever again unless I absolutely had to, but it's incredibly hard work to build a successful business and manage to fulfill family needs, your own wants... not for the faint of heart for sure.

[missychrissy]

:wub: Oh Bridget, he really is adorable! I just love him!!!

Stacy, you don't suck. We're just looking forward to the day when you can visit more often. You're definitely missed.

[daylilies]

So cute, Bridget! Does his necklace have any significance?
Josh picks up the most random things in songs. Today we heard "Toes" and there is a line that goes "Pour me some Jager" and Josh said 'Hahaha! He said 'pour me some Jager. I wonder what Jager is.'" I was too busy laughing to answer him.

[Gwenn]

Appropo of nothing, I confess I am addicted to House Hunters International on HGTV.

I am so in love with House Hunters International! :wub:

So sorry about your job woes.

Bridget, Sawyer is adorable! And I love how his outfit matches his eyes perfectly.

I confess the gossip mill is in full gear at work. They are apparently letting almost all of the outside contractors in my job go. The rest of us will have to supervise the assistants that will be hired to replace them. The girl who replaced me in my old job told me today she was notified that her contract will not be renewed next year, and because of a non-compete clause in her contract, the district can't hire her directly without paying a 20K fee to her company. That's probably as much as they would pay an assistant to replace her - which means the kids I used to work with will get someone with no certification and making just above minimum wage doing one of the most demanding jobs it is possible to have in my field. That or they will try to convince me to move back. That or they won't give me a choice about moving back.

[3andMe]

Mandy, I hope they can work something out without the children losing out.

Bridget, Sawyer is just soooo gorgeous! I love his eyes!

I want to ask you all for advice about what to do about my friend and get a little perspective about it. I mentioned in one of my recent posts that the twins were playing with a friend who was roughhousing and pushing them around and his dad was encouraging it. I would appreciate advice from different parenting perspectives and also from non-parents, if you have input.

This family friend comes out from Wyoming every two weeks to spend a visitation weekend with his son, who is the same age as my twins. They stay at my moms house and we see him a lot. The mother refuses to communicate, so we have no idea what his situation is like at home, or what the discipline is like, or anything like that. I don't usually care how anyone parents - those kinds of debates don't rile me. However, the behavior of this friend, since we spend so much time with him, and how his father reacts to his behavior, are actually starting to impact us because the twins are paying a lot of attention to it.

I think the main thing he does is that he isn't consistent, and that the father asks instead of tells and doesn't follow through if the child doesn't obey, which results in the child never obeying.

So the boy says "Poopoohead! Poopoohead!" to one of my kids. I tell him that's not nice language and he needs to stop saying it, that a friend doesn't talk like that. He says it again and looks at his father. His father says, "Hey, what do you think? Do you think you could stop saying that?" He says it again. His father says, "Let's stop saying that now, okay?" He says it again. Later on, my kids start saying it. I tell them it's not okay, and they ask why, since their friend says it. We talk about it.

Also, running off. Same kind of scenario, except I am not involved in any talking to his child. We're all on a walk together, and his child runs far off ahead, around some bends, out of sight. I spend a lot of time trying to keep my kids from trying to chase after him. When the father does spy him, he calls for him to come back, "Hey, do you think you could come back?" "Could you come back now?" He doesn't. Our friend has to chase after him.

It's easier for him, having only one child to keep track of, but I frequently am out with three kids, and I have to keep them all with me. Since I've started going on walks with him I've had a lot more trouble with the twins running off. At the beach the other day, Ronin just disappeared for a few minutes when he decided to leave on his own.

It's making me less inclined to want to do things with him. The pushing other kids at the farm was the part that made me think that not many parents would be really okay with that. When he was encouraging his child to deliberately fall down, to push my kids off the hay bales, to get more and more aggressive, and didn't stop him from pushing down and jumping on complete strangers' kids who came around, I realized that this was the parent/kid combination that people on APA would complain about, right? It's not just me?

So my mom said I really need to talk to him, since he is a family friend and we do spend so much time together. She said I need to give him some ideas that will make it easier for me to be happy with the time we spend with him. I don't know what to do. I already passed on my 1-2-3 Magic book a long time ago, when he asked about discipline techniques. Obviously he either didn't read it or didn't like it. I think he may be concerned about doing anything that will make his visitation weekends less 'fun' for his son, but it's going to be only harmful in the long run.

Like I said, I don't have any problem with different parenting philosophies. I am of the live and let live philosophy. And I don't think we're that different at heart. I just think we have different techniques. Help! How do I talk to him without sounding like I'm telling him what to do or being critical? Dh is at the point where he doesn't want to do anything with him, and feels like it's ruining our friendship.

[Gwenn]

Lydia, that's a very tough situation. Since he is spending time living in your mother's house I think she is justified in raising her concerns about it, and since the behavior is affecting your children's safety, I think you're also justified. Perhaps it might be best for you to explain to him why his parenting is making things unsafe for all 4 of the children and what he could do (such as the techniques in the 123 magic book) that would help resolve the situation. Otherwise I would let him know you can't risk your children's safety by being in situations where they are permitted/encouraged to behave unsafely.

I know I would make a mess of the situation and probably cut him off ... but you are far more diplomatic than I am. I'm sure you can find a way to say what needs to be said. My opinion.

[AmeriBrit]

Lydia, I think if he's a good enough friend that you think he won't be offended, then I would definitely talk to him about how his son's actions are influencing your kids' behavior. Being a single dad, maybe he would appreciate some encouragement any how?

Stacy, glad to see you on here; I've been wondering how you and the boys are doing.

Bridget, Sawyer is such a little doll. What a handsome little fella!

I'm gonna log off now; I've got to try to clean some of the house, play with the kids and some how get a shower in the next couple of hours.

[Bridget]

Lydia that really sucks. I don't know exactly how you should approach it since I'm a total wuss about that sort of thing and would probably end up just avoiding the friend. But I can tell you that certainly are justified in speaking to him and this goes way beyond differing parenting styles.
Just approach it from a place of love and that you really care about him and his child and want to continue to spend time with them. Let us know how it goes.

[missychrissy]

I confess the gossip mill is in full gear at work. They are apparently letting almost all of the outside contractors in my job go. The rest of us will have to supervise the assistants that will be hired to replace them. The girl who replaced me in my old job told me today she was notified that her contract will not be renewed next year, and because of a non-compete clause in her contract, the district can't hire her directly without paying a 20K fee to her company. That's probably as much as they would pay an assistant to replace her - which means the kids I used to work with will get someone with no certification and making just above minimum wage doing one of the most demanding jobs it is possible to have in my field. That or they will try to convince me to move back. That or they won't give me a choice about moving back.

Oh Mandy. My heart just plummeted. I don't know who I'm more worried about, you or 'your kids' so to speak. I know you care a great deal about them and one of your biggest concerns with moving on was who was going to be in your old place when you left. I hate that ultimately they may be the ones to suffer the most.

Can I say how much I hate hate hate how vital services are always the first to be butchered whenever there's a money crunch?


Just approach it from a place of love and that you really care about him and his child and want to continue to spend time with them. Let us know how it goes.
I don't know what to say either Lydia, but I agree with Bridget. When/if you do say something, taking the approach of a concerned friend is probably best.

I kinda feel sorry for the guy. It sounds like he just wants to make sure his son loves him and has fun with him. It can't be easy. :(

It may boil down to having to make concessions...like tolerating 'poopoohead' as long as the little boy stops running off.

I think, if it were me, I might try to have an conversation with him alone. I'd focus on the safety stuff first, maybe say, "I'm really concerned about our kids running off out of sight from us. What can we do to stop that from happening?" Maybe if he feels like it's a joint effort, he won't get defensive. I also fear that if you have a litany of things about his son or his parenting that annoys you, he'll just tune you out. This could be an opportunity for him to learn some parenting skills that will help them both in the future, but it is indeed a precarious position to be in. I don't envy you. Poor guy.

[3andMe]

I should add that I think this friend is concerned about his son becoming too sissified - his mom bundles him up in warm jackets when it's 65 degrees and cites improper jacket-wearing as neglect. She won't let him go down a step without holding hands. Our friend takes it to the other extreme.

Whereas I tend to not make a big deal of it if our kids fall down - I'll just say, "Come get a kiss if you have an owie" but otherwise try not to display much of a reaction, he'll actively encourage the rough play, I think, to toughen him up, and show glee whenever an accident happens. And where I have a certain admiration for the free range kids mindset (and this is where I'd like to hear from Ky's Mom), I have a hard time actually putting it into practice and don't think I want to across the board. My kids still wander out into the street, not paying attention to traffic, if I let them go. So this friend doesn't care as much about the safety things as I do, but he will ask me things like why I don't put bibs on the twins any more.

[missychrissy]

That part may be just different parenting styles. Rich is far more rough with the kids than what I felt comfortable with doing myself. I don't get the impression it's an attempt to toughen the kids up (on Rich's behalf). He's just like that in general, so of course it comes out in his play too.

We were at a party last summer and Conner punched a 7 year old and made him cry. I was dismayed when Rich laughed. To his credit, he did tell Conner that wasn't acceptable and made him stay with us in 'time out' but combined with the laughing and bragging about how his 3 year old made a 7 year old cry, I don't think the lesson was got by Conner at all.

I talked to Rich later about it, but considering Conner is our 4th child and we're not new to parenting, you'd think he'd have somewhat of a clue by now. Unfortunately, he does better with Conner than he did with the girls.

[missychrissy]

Oh, and when Conner falls down Rich will say "Wow! What a wipe-out!!" like it's the grandest thing ever. I just watch Conner's reaction...if he looks like it hurt, I'll ask if he's ok. Usually, though, he'll look at his dad and just laugh and say, "That was awesome!"

[Ky'sMom]

I would also try to come at him from a friendly perspective and I was actually going to say that I would be more concerned about the safety issues as well.

Though we do practice a lot of free range-ness with our kids, when we go on outings they (moreso Elle) have to be in our sight. The boy running off not being within sight and taking my kids along would have really bothered me as all the children are too young IMO to go wander off by themselves in a secluded area. Now if we were at home and they were in the yard and all the kids could be trusted not to put themselves into harm's way, like leaving and wandering into the street, then that is okay. I have a rule with Ky especially, since he is older and has more freedom, that he has to always tell me where he is going and what he will be doing. Elle is only allowed by herself in our yard or friends and family's yards. When we go on hikes, she has to stay within eyesight and if I tell her to come back from somehere I deem dangerous, like the bank of a rapidly flowing creek (which happened recently) she is expected to immediately come away from that area. Luckily she listens very well and will do as I say probaby 80% of the time.

But that would be a big issue with me, not so much the name calling because kids pick up things like that, but your previous post about the aggression and this new instance of the boy leaving your sight and taking your kids along are just not appropriate. We do not promote agression towards other children, Ky wrestles a lot with his friends but I would never let him just pummel some unknown kid for fun and really I try to discourage wrestling (my suggestions do not always happen because he likes to wrestle) by telling him to go dig a hole in the backyard with his friend or use their metal collector to go find a treasure or something.

Though I do see myself as free range, I feel it is age appropriate and 3 year olds should not be running around in the unknown wilderness unsupervised (but that is just me). I don't know many people who would let such young children do that either and most of my mom friends are way more free range than I am.

About falling, I usually ignore it if I see it happen unless it looks as if they are really hurt. Elle is dramatic and will cry and scream about bumping her hand against the sofa sometimes, I will just acknowledge that she did it and tell her it is okay and go back and do whatever it was she was doing. If it happens because of roughhousing, I will tell whichever kid (even kids that are not my own or who I don't know) to stop roughing around so no one gets hurt badly. If he is worried about toughness maybe he should enroll his son in some sort of martial art or something. Ky takes jiu-jitsu (because he loves to wrestle) and it gets a lot of his wrestling aggression out as well as teaches him some good fighting skills and toughening up, which is what DH wanted him to learn from it because he thought Ky was too "soft" :eyeroll: .

Erin

[daylilies]

I really don't know what I'd say to your friend without insulting the way he parents. I don't know how close you two are but like others have said, if you feel like you can have a heart to heart with him without hurting his feelings, I'd do that. Tell him you're concerned about their safety and other kids' safety and that kind of rough housing isn't always acceptable in public.

I bought a sundress today. I haven't worn a dress in years and I'm finally at the point where I didn't feel hideous in it. The question is, what kind of bra do I wear with it, if any? It's a pretty thin cotton, with no support. It crosses across the chest and has thin straps and an empire waist. I can't find a picture of it anywhere. Should I find a strapless bra that doesn't show? A demi?

[missychrissy]

I'd look for a strapless one. Take pics of you in your dress! I wanna see!!

I must say, I've been coveting some cute dresses and heels. I'm missing the days when I had to dress for work.

[demigraf]

Lydia, I'm way less experienced than any of the other moms who've already given you advice on your friend, so I can only speak from how I generally approach things. I think - as with all interactions with people – we walk that line between setting up and maintaining our own parameters *and* keeping in mind that we can't change other people; we can only change the way we react to them.

So in that sense, you have every reason to convey to your friend what your goals are as a parent and why you see it necessary to control your kids to the extent you do.You can also express to him why his child is introducing certain bad behaviors to your kids, making time spent with them have a negative impact on your parenting efforts. Always ok to ask for (but not demand) things from other people in my book, and help them understand the consequences of their actions as far as you’re concerned.

At the same time, I think a way to react positively to this situation is to view it as a good exercise in teaching about differences. Our kids are going to be exposed to a lot of “bad eggs” when they’re in school and you’ll have to be able to “let go” to a degree at that time as well. Your kids are already really bright and thoughtful, and in my opinion, not too young to understand that what’s permissible for other kids isn’t necessarily what’s best for them. And you could turn this into a teachable moment by reinforcing for them why you have the rules that you do, that there are consequences to not following the rules (they could get hurt or grabbed if they run off; no one will want to play with them if they’re too rough or call other kids “poopoohead”) and they can govern themselves based on your rules because “mommy sets good rules”. Think of it as laying the groundwork for their future encounters with peer pressure. At the root of it all, not running off just because another kid runs off requires the same mindset as saying no when a school friend offers your 8th grader a cigarette.

Those are my 2 cents anyway. I know a lot of what I wrote is easier said than done, and it's never that clean or simple. I hope your friend is receptive to what you have to say to him.

[demigraf]

I bought a sundress today. I haven't worn a dress in years and I'm finally at the point where I didn't feel hideous in it. The question is, what kind of bra do I wear with it, if any? It's a pretty thin cotton, with no support. It crosses across the chest and has thin straps and an empire waist. I can't find a picture of it anywhere. Should I find a strapless bra that doesn't show? A demi?

There are other products on the market like this, but I just like the name of this one: "Fashion Enhancers (http://www.sears.com/shc/s/p_10153_12605_018AM030000P?sid=IDx20070921x00003a&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=018AM030000P)" :laugh:


http://image10.bizrate-images.com/resize?sq=160&uid=1531810907&mid=19573

Having just moved heavy boxes from one house to another, I have no desire to add anything to my stash of stuff in the closet at the moment. In fact, I have a box of clothes marked "Sell on Ebay" in the spare room. I actually have more than I could really ever wear. I just get too attached to my things, so my plan is to just try to sell everything I have at what they're worth, and assume only a few people will want to buy a few items from me. If someone is willing to pay what I ask for them, that'll be good enough reason for the item to leave my possession. I have to play little games with myself like because I am a weirdo. I do love sundresses (and dream of living in sundressy climate year round), but I also have a few boxes in the sewing room worth of project clothes to chop up and recycle into new sundresses. So I'm definitely not going to come home with any new ready-to-wear items this year.

bridget - sawyer's eyes are the exact same color as his outfit. he's a little loverboy. :wub: :)

mandy - I hope those rumors turn out to be just that. chrissy is right, that it's unfair that the most at-risk people tend to be the one to suffer when there are budget shortfalls. :(

[AmeriBrit]

At the same time, I think a way to react positively to this situation is to view it as a good exercise in teaching about differences. Our kids are going to be exposed to a lot of “bad eggs” when they’re in school and you’ll have to be able to “let go” to a degree at that time as well. Your kids are already really bright and thoughtful, and in my opinion, not too young to understand that what’s permissible for other kids isn’t necessarily what’s best for them. And you could turn this into a teachable moment by reinforcing for them why you have the rules that you do, that there are consequences to not following the rules (they could get hurt or grabbed if they run off; no one will want to play with them if they’re too rough or call other kids “poopoohead”) and they can govern themselves based on your rules because “mommy sets good rules”. Think of it as laying the groundwork for their future encounters with peer pressure. At the root of it all, not running off just because another kid runs off requires the same mindset as saying no when a school friend offers your 8th grader a cigarette.

I think this is really good advice! Something I'll put in to practice myself, I think.

I had such a tiring day today; my SIL brought my nephews over to play with Travis outside and my nephew who is 8 months younger than Travis is such a handful to put it lightly. He is very "emotional" about things and angers easily. And he is so violent when he doesn't get his way. He used to hit Travis and Travis would cry when they were fighting over toys but now Travis just hits him back and it turns in to an all out brawl. I think if he were my kid, I'd insist the doctor check him over but SIL just says he's "high-spirited" and just struggles along with him. Ugh. Any how, I'm tired now.

Oh, and I've just bought 3 dresses this week; I looove dresses! Now I need new shoes!

[daylilies]

Haha, I think I need to enhance more than my fashion :wink:
Thanks for the ideas :) Since I lost a size (more or less, depending where I shop) I need to get all new clothes. Plus I'm actually looking for styles that suit me, rather than the usual shapeless pants and shirts I have right now.

[Bridget]

Holy shat. Dbf just called me with a really creepy story. His friend's mom passed away last week. Said friend was in florida for the winter so flew back to make arrangements but had to go back to florida so dbf is taking care of some details for him and also fixing some flooding that happened in his friend's house and building something (I admit, I don't always pay attention when dbf talks to me about these things so I don't know the details)
But anyway, he's in the basement of his friend's house and hammering something when suddenly he smells a really strong cherry smell and no sooner does that smell register in his brain when he sees a stream of smoke in front of his face. He said he whirled around so fast with the hammer up ready to strike, expecting to see someone behind him and there was no one there.
He runs upstairs and outside partly from fear and partly with the hopes that there is a gang of teenagers outside smoking cherry cigarellos just so the whole thing would make sense. Nada. He comes back into the house and the smell is totally gone.
He texts his friend to tell him his house is haunted and explains what happened. His friend calls and says his mom burned fruity incense every day of her life.
:shocker:

[daylilies]

Oh my! I'd heard of things happening like that after someone passes away. A familiar scent is common but what's really cool is that the guy who experienced it didn't even know it meant anything.
Things like that really get me excited, even though most of me doesn't believe in it...

[missychrissy]

Me too Kate. It definitely makes one wonder.