Secular Confessions

[Inca]

Very cool!

Can you tell me something? I had Word 2007 on my PC and now Word for Mac 2008. They're basically the same generation of Word, but they aren't exactly the same. I had my book/story/whatever document on the PC and I did some odd things with the page formatting to make it print out in the shape of a book. It's totally unprofessional and real writers use manuscript format, I know, but seeing the pages actually looking like a page in a book was helping me pace the chapters. But I'm embarrassed I did that and when I want my editor friend to read it over I end up changing the layout back.

So I went into the copy on my new mac, saved a backup, and tried to switch around the layout, and apparently I don't have all the same tools on Word for Mac that I did on the PC. I can't undo the formatting without copying and pasting into a new document. Do you know if the function is missing because mac has a software that does that, and wants me to use it? And what software would that be?

Honestly I don't know. I only used to mac version of word for a little while, but then deleted it when I realized I never used it. Sorry.

[missychrissy]

Wow, did I miss a lot in a day!!

Gwenn, your Mac Word should not be doing that at all. I would make sure it's totally up-to-date. You may have to do a clean install of Office because something ain't right there. 08 should have the same functionality as 07, just the approach is different.

As for what does a tree have to do with Jesus, I wish I could find the whole quote somewhere because I'd save it in my siggy. I saw a bit on a tv news program that says it's written into our constitution (perhaps as an amendment?) that Christmas is a federal holiday so that religious groups can celebrate the birth of Jesus and secular groups can celebrate by having a tree and exchanging gifts. Of course, that's not how it's written word for word, but the gist of it is that constitutionally, Christmas is as much 'our' holiday as any religious persons, and the exchanging of gifts and Christmas tree is in fact ours. If the religious zealots want to be technical and say what we can and cannot celebrate, then they need to stick to their praying and services and leave off exchanging gifts and having a tree in their house.

Rich, Tim, Jay and I all went out last night and we had a great time. I danced like a stripper and my body is paying for it today. :P Absolutely worth it, imo!

[Gwenn]

Wow, did I miss a lot in a day!!

Gwenn, your Mac Word should not be doing that at all. I would make sure it's totally up-to-date. You may have to do a clean install of Office because something ain't right there. 08 should have the same functionality as 07, just the approach is different.

The way I have it set up now is to print two pages on one 8.5x11 paper, landscaped, and it alternates the pages when it prints it out. I suspect some of the functionality of this came from my printer, not just Word - I honestly don't remember how I did it in the first place. When I open it up in 08, viewed at 100%, it displays two consecutive pages together, each sized at 1/2 a letter sheet sized page. If I change page size to letter, nothing happens. I can't find anywhere to get rid of the two-page per sheet setting. On the PC I went into page format and changed the printer settings but page format on the mac doesn't give me the option. I'm using the same printer. The mac knows what kind of printer it is and accesses it from my network no problem, but I haven't loaded the actual printer software on the mac. Do you think that's the issue?

Oh, and glad you had fun last night!

[missychrissy]

You can change the page attributes on a Mac by doing the Command-P thing. At the top you should have the printer selected, then under that Presets (mine says Standard), and then a drop down menu choice where you can select Copies and Pages, Microsoft Word, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

You should also have a page set-up button somewhere on that screen (each printer shows it in a different place, mine is just under the print preview picture) and if all the printer options are loaded you should be able to adjust margins in there (I think).

Mac isn't my flavor of choice, and each OS/Printer combination varies so much that it's hard to give directions without actually looking at the particular computer but Command P should get you where you need to go. If you don't have many options, you may want to download the most updated driver from your printer's manufacturer's website.

[Gwenn]

You can change the page attributes on a Mac by doing the Command-P thing. At the top you should have the printer selected, then under that Presets (mine says Standard), and then a drop down menu choice where you can select Copies and Pages, Microsoft Word, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

You should also have a page set-up button somewhere on that screen (each printer shows it in a different place, mine is just under the print preview picture) and if all the printer options are loaded you should be able to adjust margins in there (I think).

Mac isn't my flavor of choice, and each OS/Printer combination varies so much that it's hard to give directions without actually looking at the particular computer but Command P should get you where you need to go. If you don't have many options, you may want to download the most updated driver from your printer's manufacturer's website.

That gives me enough to get started. Hopefully I can figure it out from there. I didn't know about the Command P thing.

So far I love the mac but I feel handicapped somehow. I knew that PC so well (I've had one in one form or another since 1983) that I could do anything I needed with a little messing around. On the mac I feel like I'm learning a foreign language - but once I figure it out I have no doubt I'll be just as happy.

[missychrissy]

Great-I'm happy I made some sort of sense. I'm much better at hands-on desktop support than email or phone communication!

I always thought it was a bit weird that Macs made you go into the print utility to adjust your page set-up. It's not really intuitive at all.

[Gwenn]

Great-I'm happy I made some sort of sense. I'm much better at hands-on desktop support than email or phone communication!

I always thought it was a bit weird that Macs made you go into the print utility to adjust your page set-up. It's not really intuitive at all.

No, it really isn't. I suspect that was part of my problem but after playing around a little I think I also need to load the actual printer software on here to get full functionality from my printer. Which means finding the disks in that nightmare of an office. Ugh.

[daylilies]

Forgive me if I kind of scrolled past all the computer talk :P
I just played dance central on the kinect. It was awesome! I can't dance to save my life, but easy mode was very forgiving.

[missychrissy]

No, it really isn't. I suspect that was part of my problem but after playing around a little I think I also need to load the actual printer software on here to get full functionality from my printer. Which means finding the disks in that nightmare of an office. Ugh.

I would go to the manufacturer's website and search for the most recent software/driver package. I almost never use the installation disks because by the time the equipment arrives, most disks have outdated stuff on them already.


Forgive me if I kind of scrolled past all the computer talk :P
I just played dance central on the kinect. It was awesome! I can't dance to save my life, but easy mode was very forgiving.

What, you're not totally entranced with our Mac/Office/Printing conversation? :laugh:

I bought Jessica the dance game for the Wii and still haven't used it yet myself. I love to dance, but right now I hurt so bad I can't even think of moving my body!

Hers has a calorie calculator that will tell you how many calories you've burned. I think that's cool.

[Gwenn]

What, you're not totally entranced with our Mac/Office/Printing conversation? :laugh:

Oh, but it was fascinating! :laugh: Or not so much.

Chrissy, you aren't saying I'm going to regret exchanging that Wii, are you? Because I will never be able to buy one now that I returned that one!

[daylilies]

Oh that's cool! I wish mine had a calorie counter.
I was afraid I was going to hate it, because I really don't have a clue about dancing. But the mimicking makes it a lot more fun and easy.

[missychrissy]

Chrissy, you aren't saying I'm going to regret exchanging that Wii, are you? Because I will never be able to buy one now that I returned that one!

Oh no, I wouldn't ever say that! But I wouldn't return it myself. :P


Oh that's cool! I wish mine had a calorie counter.
I was afraid I was going to hate it, because I really don't have a clue about dancing. But the mimicking makes it a lot more fun and easy.

I'm hoping to learn some more moves and increase my repertoire on the dance floor.

[daylilies]

LOL, I was wondering if these were legit dance moves or if people would be able to tell I learned from the Kinect if I used them in public.

[Gwenn]

LOL, I was wondering if these were legit dance moves or if people would be able to tell I learned from the Kinect if I used them in public.

:laugh: If they're able to recognize you learned them from the Kinect they would have to have spent a pretty good chunk of time on there themselves!

[Gwenn]

Oh, and Kate, I did send that story. If it doesn't come through, let me know because if so I probably got the address wrong.

[Bridget]

I could not participate in the computer talk! I'm clueless about them.
Chrissy, I love that you are a mother of four who can still dance like a stripper. I cannot believe how long it's been since I've been on a dance floor.

I'm hesitant to talk about this for fear of jinxing it but dbf has really been stepping it up. He cleans up all the time without me saying a word and will actually come into the kitchen while I'm cooking and say, "What can I do?"
Last night I mentioned that I wanted to cook, mash, and freeze all the potatoes we had stored in the basement before they started to go bad. Today I walk in the kitchen and he's scrubbing them! I was flabbergasted. I keep thanking him and telling him how helpful it is and I can actually see how happy he is to be making me happy.
I honestly think he starts to feel useless when he doesn't have a job in the works and is just playing poker. Right now he's got 2 remodel jobs he's in the midst of and both of them are really happy with his work and offering more. It makes him a better person to be around, which totally makes sense right?

Last night I was on the Magic Tree House website with Savana and asking her the trivia questions that were all info that had come from the books and I couldn't believe how many facts she knew. And some of the questions she answered, when I asked her how she knew, she had an abstract way of gettting to the answer. It made me really happy and confident in my homeschooling method of just following her lead and teaching her about whatever she is interested in. She's learning to think.
I've had a really good weekend and there's still one day left!

[Gwenn]

I honestly think he starts to feel useless when he doesn't have a job in the works and is just playing poker. Right now he's got 2 remodel jobs he's in the midst of and both of them are really happy with his work and offering more. It makes him a better person to be around, which totally makes sense right?

Makes total sense to me! Glad he's stepping up, especially with the baby coming so soon (I can't believe that!).

[missychrissy]

I really hope it lasts Bridget. I know what you mean about not wanting to jinx things by saying something because I feel the same way about my own husband. Everything has been going great, but I'm almost afraid to say so for fear something will happen. I know it's ridiculous, but that's how I feel. It's so much easier for me to complain about him! :D

[daylilies]

I'm glad he's been better, Bridget!
I did get the file, Gwenn. thanks!

[AmeriBrit]

As for what does a tree have to do with Jesus, I wish I could find the whole quote somewhere because I'd save it in my siggy. I saw a bit on a tv news program that says it's written into our constitution (perhaps as an amendment?) that Christmas is a federal holiday so that religious groups can celebrate the birth of Jesus and secular groups can celebrate by having a tree and exchanging gifts. Of course, that's not how it's written word for word, but the gist of it is that constitutionally, Christmas is as much 'our' holiday as any religious persons, and the exchanging of gifts and Christmas tree is in fact ours. If the religious zealots want to be technical and say what we can and cannot celebrate, then they need to stick to their praying and services and leave off exchanging gifts and having a tree in their house.

Exactly! When I see "christians" complaining that secular people should not celebrate Christmas with a tree and presents, I think to myself, "well isn't that the secular part in Christmas and shouldn't you be out doing your christianly duties if you really want to celebrate?"

[missychrissy]

I'm not ready to go back to work tomorrow :( I am trying to convince myself that we could be happy living in a tincan without cell phones or satellite/cable tv. Then I could stay home!!

Many of Bobbie's schools have an application deadline of 1/3 and I've been asking her and asking her if she's working on them, needs help, and if she has them done yet. She's very defensive and argumentative and I fear she hasn't applied to any colleges at all. :(

[Gwenn]

I'm with you about going back to work tomorrow. Ugh.

Do you think Bobbie is a little scared of applying? Or maybe she's working on it and just wants her space?

[missychrissy]

She claims she cannot wait to get the hell out of here. I'm ready to pack her up myself. She's at the point where from what I can tell she's not actually doing anything that she's supposed to be doing (as far as applications, chores, etc) but if I dare say anything she lashes out :P I cannot win with her.

[Gwenn]

She may be a little confused - eager to go but not quite sure she's ready. From some other things you've said about Bobbie it sounds like she's a little cautious with new experiences. So she may be ready and eager to go but sort of sabotaging herself at the same time? I only say that because it sounds like the sort of thing I would have done at that age, including the lashing out at my parents for attempting to tell me how to do things.

[daylilies]

Josh and DH got me a pillow pet tonight :P I'm always going on about how Josh's is so soft so when they went out to do some errands tonight they brought me back one. I'm so excited. I wanted one but I was afraid DH would think it was silly if I slept on essentially a stuffed animal. LOL
I remember I really dragged my feet on the applications, too. I am just a procrastinator, plus I think I was scared. I really didn't know what to do with myself when I was in high school. It wasn't until I was in my mid-20's that I got a degree in culinary arts. Before that, I tried psychology and massage therapy and they just weren't for me.

[Bridget]

I don't know what a pillow pet is! I'll have to google because I hear about them all the time.

So I think we finally have our names. If it's a boy, Sawyer. If it's a girl it will be either Isabel (Bella) or Coral. I love the name Coral but would be happy either one.
It's getting close and I'm so excited! My midwives are coming over here on wed night for my home visit appt to make sure they know how to get to my house and that I have all the supplies I need.

I do really feel like this baby has not flipped head down yet though. :ohno: I feel what has to be little feet kicking around way low. That makes me so nervous.

[missychrissy]

I fully expect the kids to change their mind once they're in college. We've talked about that for years...and that they may work in 1 field for 5-10 years and go back for something completely different. She has to know that whatever she's taking now is just getting her in the door to college and that's it.

I'm not sure if she was being flippant, or really thinking about it, but she said last night she could start out at a community college and transfer to a university later. While I know that's totally possible, I'm still incredibly disappointed. She's so much smarter than that...but as long as she gets into a college somewhere I'm not going to say anything.

Bridget, could it be her hands? I could never tell if mine were flipped or not.

[3andMe]

Chrissy, whatever the motive, I think it makes a lot of sense financially to start at a community college and then transfer. I had always thought about Ivy League schools, would never have considered a community college, and I had about 12 different university applications in my room my senior year of high school. Never even finished one essay.

I wrote a lot more, but the shorter version is that I wound up at a cc kind of by accident and it jump-started me back into college, and I got just as good an education there (sometimes more, because the teachers were more hands-on and not off trying to publish stuff and leaving their TAs to do the work). It was nice because it saved me university tuition for two of those years. It wasn't the big college experience with dorms and parties and stuff, and I had to be a little smart about choosing my classes to make sure what transferred, but that didn't matter so much as changing my major later on and needing different prerequisites.

I personally would tend to encourage my kids to go to community college first, especially if they aren't planning on doing something that absolutely requires a completely spotless university pedigree, like chief of neurosurgery at some fancy hospital. Otherwise, most places just look at the final degree and are happy with that.

[missychrissy]

Thank you Lydia, that makes sense.

I guess my deep, dark fear is that she's getting side-tracked by a boy. He keeps saying college isn't for him, but he doesn't have any specific technical training or skills and I think he worries about her going to school far away. I'm not aware of him saying anything specifically about that though. It's just a feeling I have, and I don't think she'd tell me if she was considering a 2-year degree just because of him.

It is awful to think that someone she's known for a few months may have more of an impact on her life choices than we do.

eta: But I'm going to try very hard to not worry about it. Thanks again!

[AmeriBrit]

I went to community college, too and finished my degree at a private uni and got my BA in English. I never would have thought I would have gone there either. I liked being at home and commuting.

[missychrissy]

You guys are really helping me feel better about this.

I think another one of my problems is because I waited until I was 29 to go to college. I don't want my kids having to live through years of poverty like I did. I guess we all want better for our kids than what we had.

[Cosmosmom]

I went to a local university school one semester, than a local private college for two semesters before going to my final school where I went for 3.5 years (and I did go up to Milwaukee because of a boy...but we were together for 9 months at that point and I was tired of living an hour away....I didn't go to his school though and we are married today).
I loved my final college...an all woman's catholic college. :) It did take me five years to graduate through even though most of my classes transferred, not all did and I kept changing my major.
I lived on campus even when going to the first two local schools...didn't work great because I came home too much to do laundry and shower and eat. So I still wasn't getting the experience of being on my own. I did much better when I was at a school an hour from home and I HAD to shower there and do laundry....especially since I didn't have a car.
My sister spent four years at the local private school and lived at home. She did go away for a year for grad school but is 27 and still lives at home. I think that she wishes she would have gone away to school right off the bat and gotten to have that dorm experience and being a freshman with the other freshman.

[missychrissy]

I'm not really concerned with how long it will take her to get a degree. I pretty much expect my kids to change their minds about what they want to do. The only thing I've cautioned them about, and will remind them of if it gets to be a habit, is if they're borrowing then their loan debt will be harder to pay off.

[The10Eels]

Chrissy, for what its worth... I went to a large university right out of high school and ****ed around...Now I am serious about school and going to a community college...

Im so much happier at the community college.

[The10Eels]

I confess my good friend here called me at 2 am and asked for me to take her to the ER. She thought she had the flu for the past few days, and it got to where it was hurting for her to breathe. Her throat started to close up, and her entire neck was swollen.

She wouldn't let me stay with her, but she has been calling me with updates. They admitted her to the general med floor at 8 am. She was on morphine and still in pain. She had 4 bags of fluids and still had no need to pee. (so, extremely dehydrated). They did a CT scan, and drew lots of blood to do some testing on.

She called again at 11:40. They were transferring her to ICU. She has lost 10 lbs in 3 days, and her white blood cell count was at 25,000. They still don't know exactly what is going on, but essentially said she has an infection in her entire body causing her the aches and pains, and her body has basically turned on itself..

She has 3 little ones at home (10 months - 6 years old) so all thoughts and prayers will be appreciated!

[AmeriBrit]

Oh, wow, that sounds very scary! I hope she turns out OK!

[missychrissy]

Oh no, I hope she's ok. :(

[demigraf]

****jumping right back in****

I completely agree about community colleges. I feel my education was largely wasted. I went to I guess what you could call a prestigious 4-yr uni, and not only was I completely unappreciative of the education I was getting and didn't apply myself, but it was also super competitive. The profs were way more concerned about getting published than actually having their students learn anything, and their idea of teaching was letting the brightest kids set the bar for everyone else and holding your feet to the fire while you scrambled to keep up with them. I look back and resent how that teaching style took all the joy out of learning. I also am a big fan of deferring your acceptance, taking a year out and working before going to college, as I feel kids get a taste of the real world that way before they get the chance to take their higher learning for granted.

On a related note, the documentary "Race to Nowhere" really shook up how I feel about our school system. It's basically about how our competitive, overscheduling, overworking school environments where kids are pushed to overachieve are both disrespectful to and a real disservice to our children. They compare our scores to those of other countries where there's 75% less homework and the kids with less homework still do better. They show an alternative school run by one of the guys in The Blue Man Group, and it was play-based - way cooler, way more conducive to learning. The most startling statistic is an interview they did with the Admissions Dean of UC Berkeley; she said these kids are applying with GPA's of 4.5 as the norm, and yet 50% of them have to be remediated back to basic English & Math classes their first semesters because even though they score high on everything, they learn/retain nothing along the way.

So... last night I was on a plane & started to write this post with the plan to catch everyone up. I didn't finish, but I'l post what I did get done :). :


Hi, guys! :hi:*

I confess I'm on a plane back to SFO now and my ass hurts because we sat on the tarmac an hour before we took off- something about fog. There's this pale freckly hipster dude in a bright red tshirt with a huge red afro that keeps walking by and staring at me because I think he's watching me nurse. Eeeew. I'm actually really covered up right now above and below the boob, but m'be he thinks he'll catch a glimpse?*

I spent the last 10 days in Framingham, MA, which is actually pretty alright, but after that much time spent with the in-laws, I usually start spelling the place "F#%@ingham" when I write about it. :P The best thing about it, though, is that we stay w/ DH's sis, and her son's a week older than Bodhi, so he has a constant playmate. So I had the time to get caught up on you guys at least 15 pages back. Glad to read that everyone's pretty upbeat as usual. I start a new job contract in a couple days, *so I hope I have more time to hang out in here once I'm in an office again. The cool thing about this next gig is that it sounds fairly easy (albeit not sexy again...developing a new credit card system for a bank), I like my team, which is spread around the country, and I have high hopes of working from home after a couple of months. It always is tough to leave Bodhi and his ever-expanding repertoire (first full sentence spoken on NY's day: "My eyes are open."), but I'm kinda excited to do grownup things and - stupid as this sounds - I just reconstructed a bunch of clothes that I had nowhere to wear during my days at home chasing my crazy little toddler. Now I can wear them somewhere. (Tangent Alert!) Did you know Green Fashion/upcycling is getting so common that they now have a "Reconstructing Clothes for Dummies" book that I found @ the library?

The situation w/ my sister hasn't improved since I last wrote about it. In fact, when I was in TX visiting Abbeysmom, my sis started sending some ham-handed non-apology apologies via text that just annoyed me more. Then my parents - whom I told over Thxgiving - pissed me off even more by caring more about her fragile mental health than having her learn anything thru facing up to what she'd done. DH & I have just focused on getting the heck out of her house, but I had to find a job first, and practically no one was hiring in Nov&Dec. So basically, I was in a stressed out funk the last two months. * **
** * *


I'll update more on the sis sucktuation, but it makes me grumpy. At least now that I know where I'm working we can move. :thumbsup:

Bridget, I love the names Sawyer & Coral. Isabel is cute too, but the girl I hung out with who got me into a bunch of trouble in HS had the same name, so I have bad associations with it.

Since I start work tomorrow, and my new boss flat out told me I'll be twiddling my thumbs most of the day, I'll
check in some more with y'all then.

[demigraf]

Oh, Ash, I hope your friend turns out alright. That's super scary.

[3andMe]

Demigraf, we're trying to sell our house soon.... (hint, hint)

That thing with the hot water heater only happens once in a blue moon.

[Cosmosmom]

You know I would agree with you on those so called big name schools. My BFF's sister when to Princeton...and yeah she's working locally in HR.

I LOVED college but was in a place those last 3.5 years where I had small classes taught by profs or Sisters who were all about education and making us think and grow. And I especially loved being in a women's college...only men were profs and didn't have boys distracting things or taking over all the leadership positions. And I really felt that the teachers cared about us and respected us and our thoughts (and even being that back than I was full out atheist at a catholic college....but those nuns were awesome...some swore, taught evolution, said that in world religions that there were many paths and one was not better than another.....)

[demigraf]

Demigraf, we're trying to sell our house soon.... (hint, hint)

That thing with the hot water heater only happens once in a blue moon.

LOL. Well, your house sure is cute... But the plan is still to move to Pacifica. P'haps you'll be moving westward too? (hint. hint.)

:winks:

[Gwenn]

ITA about the college thing. My sister got a 4-year degree from a "Little Ivy" College (not QUITE Ivy League, but don't tell them that) and is unhappy and frustrated with her life and her job prospects.

I started at a state college, dropped out, went to community college, transferred to another state college for my BS, then got my MS from the same state school (although the grad program was very highly ranked so maybe that doesn't count) and I love my career. And people were calling me up offering me jobs before I even started applying - literally. I got 5 unsolicited offers fresh out of school. College isn't about where you go. It's about what you make of it.

Ashley, sorry about your friend.

Demigraf, glad you're back!

[Bridget]

****jumping right back in****

I completely agree about community colleges. I feel my education was largely wasted. I went to I guess what you could call a prestigious 4-yr uni, and not only was I completely unappreciative of the education I was getting and didn't apply myself, but it was also super competitive. The profs were way more concerned about getting published than actually having their students learn anything, and their idea of teaching was letting the brightest kids set the bar for everyone else and holding your feet to the fire while you scrambled to keep up with them. I look back and resent how that teaching style took all the joy out of learning. I also am a big fan of deferring your acceptance, taking a year out and working before going to college, as I feel kids get a taste of the real world that way before they get the chance to take their higher learning for granted.

On a related note, the documentary "Race to Nowhere" really shook up how I feel about our school system. It's basically about how our competitive, overscheduling, overworking school environments where kids are pushed to overachieve are both disrespectful to and a real disservice to our children. They compare our scores to those of other countries where there's 75% less homework and the kids with less homework still do better. They show an alternative school run by one of the guys in The Blue Man Group, and it was play-based - way cooler, way more conducive to learning. The most startling statistic is an interview they did with the Admissions Dean of UC Berkeley; she said these kids are applying with GPA's of 4.5 as the norm, and yet 50% of them have to be remediated back to basic English & Math classes their first semesters because even though they score high on everything, they learn/retain nothing along the way.

So... last night I was on a plane & started to write this post with the plan to catch everyone up. I didn't finish, but I'l post what I did get done :). :




I'll update more on the sis sucktuation, but it makes me grumpy. At least now that I know where I'm working we can move. :thumbsup:

Bridget, I love the names Sawyer & Coral. Isabel is cute too, but the girl I hung out with who got me into a bunch of trouble in HS had the same name, so I have bad associations with it.

Since I start work tomorrow, and my new boss flat out told me I'll be twiddling my thumbs most of the day, I'll
check in some more with y'all then.
I missed you in here! :wub:
And all I can picture in that airplane story you told is Carrot top.

I won't share my college shenanigans. They won't make you feel better, Chrissy and they are totally uninspiring.
I think it just well may be my only true regret in life is that I lost my passion for learning somewhere in the midst of copying notes from an overhead projector that were also being read aloud to me by male teachers that were only at the school to coach sports.
I got my passion for learning back so that's what I'm going to instill in my kiddos.

[stash]

Oh I so want to see race to nowhere. I'm already convinced our system sucks and refuse to put my kids into it, but still curious.

[missychrissy]

I want to see it too.

I'm not worried about Bobbie's passion for learning...she has that and I'm sure if whatever college she lands in doesn't fulfill her, she'll apply elsewhere for the following semester.

Jessica and Sydney are other matters entirely. :P lol...I'll consider myself lucky if they make it through 2 years immediately after high school.

[stephmama]

:hi:

[missychrissy]

Oh and welcome back demigraf!! It sounds like you have a lot of exciting changes going on right now!

[missychrissy]

Steph, you're pregnant?! omg-Congratulations!!

[stephmama]

Thanks! :laugh:


It's still sinking in.

[Gwenn]

Wow, congrats!

[Bridget]

Yay Steph!!!!!!!!!! :wub::cabbage:

I'll grace y'all with my latest belly pic. I don't think my birth room likes me. :)
http://i55.tinypic.com/2llnioj.jpg

[missychrissy]

Oh Bridget-you're just adorable and have the cutest baby bump ever!!!

And not like you? I don't believe it.

[Gwenn]

How could they not like you? And yes, you're adorable.

[daylilies]

I don't think I've ever seen a pic of you Bridget! You look a lot like one of the moms who goes to my church. You look great!
Congrats, Steph!

[stephmama]

People who don't like you suck at life.

[The10Eels]

People who don't like you suck at life.
this!!!


I confess ---

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs772.ash1/166274_525394124442_64100559_30846020_6547326_n.jp g

[daylilies]

Awesome Ash!

[Bridget]

:wub: I love you guys.

Ash! Way to go, girl. That is really awesome!

[Bridget]

Oh I so want to see race to nowhere. I'm already convinced our system sucks and refuse to put my kids into it, but still curious.
Oh hell yes. Me too. I've been reading a lot of John Holt lately and I'm about set in stone that I'm homeschooling for as long as it keeps working.

[Gwenn]

:hooray::hooray::hooray::hooray::hooray:

Ashley!!!!

[The10Eels]

Dude, I dont think I have had a 4.0 since 3rd grade!!

[Bridget]

Dude, I dont think I have had a 4.0 since 3rd grade!!
:laugh: In fourth grade we had U,S,O. Unsatisfactory, Satisfactory, Outstanding.

[stephmama]

Dean's List is awesome!

[stash]

Bridget you look fantastic.

[3andMe]

Bridget, you look Fan.Tas.Tic!
Ash, congratulations!
StephMama, woo hoo!

[Cosmosmom]

Bridget, when you said you didn't think that your birth room liked you, I was thinking something like "so what if the room she is going to birth in isn't flattering to you in pictures" thinking that birth room meant the room at your house since you are planning a home birth.

Than I was like oh big DUH....you meant the people in the online room here. LOL

I don't see how anyone couldn't like you!

Congrats StephMama!

Go ASHLEY!!!!! That is fantastic! :)


I used to think that I would homeschool, I was pretty set on it. But that was years ago before I started working and when we lived in Milwaukee and there was no way in H*LL I would send my kid to those schools. They are so much worse than when DH went through them 20-25 years ago and they were bad back than.
Up here though, we have pretty good schools so we will go public school when we do have our child. And just be really involved like mom was with us. I really think that one of the best thing our moms did was they both fostered a love of reading in us.....and we both still love to read.

[AmeriBrit]

Congrats, Stephmama!
Congrats on the grades, Ash!
Bridget, you look awesome!
Demigraf, glad you're back and posting!

[missychrissy]

Congratulations Ashley!!!

I hope Bobbie sends me a copy of the paper she wrote for English class. Her teacher even remarked that many adults aren't as mature in their views as she is, and she's just 17! One of the topics she hits on is public education...among many. It's just a 3 page essay, but it's phenomenal, especially coming from a senior in high school. A public taught high school student no less. :P

I swear I don't know where she gets it from. A lot of her ideals I know came from me, but man did she ever take them and run with them. She's so concerned about social equality and simply accepting people as they are, and you can tell she really 'gets it' and is motivated for change for a better life for all. I'm so proud of her.

[daylilies]

That is awesome Chrissy. She sounds like a UU :P
I think Josh understands the concept of the radio! For a long time I had a hard time explaining that I couldn't pick what songs were on the radio. Finally I just told him there is a person in an office somewhere who picks the songs that are on each station. Today he said "I wonder when the man in the office is going to pick the Grinch song" LOL

[missychrissy]

lol..that's so cute!! I remember being confused about how people appeared on our tv. When my mom tried to explain antennae waves at me, it just blew my mind. I still didn't get how the people fit in our tv, much less flew invisibly through the air!!

One thing that I struggle to explain to even my teens is the difference between what's online and what's on the physical hard drive of the computer. If we're talking about network shared documents, they really cannot grasp why that will still work when the DSL is down! :lol:

[The10Eels]

update on my friend --

They THINK everything started as untreated strep throat, and her body just ran with it... (So now I get to go to the doctor and get tested for strep, just to be sure)

WBC count was still climbing, and her resting heart rate was EXTREMELY low, and they were starting to worry about that. If it dropped anymore she is getting life-flighted to Salt Lake. :(

[daylilies]

Wow Ash, I'll continue to send out good vibes!

[missychrissy]

I hope she starts recovering soon.

[AbbeysMom]

You look awesome bridget. :)

Congrats Steph!!!!!!!

!!!
!


And congrats Ashley!!! I don't think I've ever had a 4.0.

Lots of good things happening in here lately. :)

[missychrissy]

I loved John Stossel's Stupid In America segment on 20/20. I don't know if it's available to watch anywhere now, but here's a link to the corresponding article: http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Stossel/story?id=1500338

[AmeriBrit]

Interesting article, Chrissy. As a former teacher who did my practice teaching in Arkansas and then moved to England and did substitute teaching for a few months, I can relate to some of the things written. The school I did my practice teaching in was a small rural one. The kids there loved me for some reason and we got through a lot of learning that year. In comparison to here, a lot of the kids had a very bad attitude to foreigners and didn't listen to a word I said. I hope that American schools can get back on track and great teachers can help but it's much more than that.

[missychrissy]

Since that article was written, NY has adopted a kind of voucher program. Jesi currently attends a Charter school and whatever money the state allotted for her to attend the local public school is now given to her Charter school. This is her first year and I guess it remains to be seen how well they do (it's only their 2nd year in business) but so far she really loves it and I'm impressed. I've never been a friend of any school my kids attended, and I actually like this one as well as the teachers and principal there. First.time.ever.

[demigraf]

stephmama – congratulations!! I’d probably have a hard time realizing it’s all real too, but I’m stoked for you.

Ashley, WTG, girl!

bridge – hellloooo, cute belly. What an exciting time for you. Sometimes I get the vibe that people don’t like me here too, but it’s usually from people that I probably wouldn’t want to spend much time with anyway. Being 100% likable is overrated, IMHO. :P

So far so good at the new job. I’m pretty much on my own here. The new boss is in North Carolina (she’s a sweetheart), so she had one of her colleagues show me to my desk and that was it. I spent a good hour on the phone with her and now I have a ton of stuff to read (lunchbreaking now). It’s looking very hopeful that my boss won’t care if I work from home. I don’t want to say it’s certain I can telecommute yet because I just want it so badly, and I’ll be incredibly disappointed if it turns out I can’t. The most hopeful sign is that she went ahead and requested a remote dial-in FOB device thingy for me so I can get into the network from home. Fingers crossed.

It’s been awhile since I worked in a skyscraper. The elevators in this building will take a little getting used to. This morning I just jumped on one thinking I could push the button for my floor, but after I got in, I was the only one staring stupidly at the place where the buttons normally are, and I was looking at *no* buttons. Had to ask people to explain it to me and I’m convinced they all giggled at the amateur after I got off the thing. What I should have done was this: on the ground floor, you go to this keypad and punch in what floor you want to go to. Then it gives you a letter (each elevator car is assigned A,B,C, D…on through L) and you go wait for that elevator to come. You get on and it takes you where you want to go. There’s no little counter above the elevator doors to show you what floor the elevator car is currently at. It just seems to arrive very promptly. I don’t know why I’m so worked up about the whole “smart” elevator thing. It’s kind of impressive, but maybe I’m also convinced the machines are going to rise up and eat me one of these days.

The other thing that’s cool but will take an adjustment is the fact that there are no wastebaskets at our desks. Everyone gets only a compost bin, and a recycling bin. If you have landfill waste, you have to walk it to the kitchen. That goes for all businesses in the entire building. They’ll recycle your batteries for you too. Pretty neat.

All right, ladies, back to the daily grind. :winks:

[Cosmosmom]

Um yeah that elevator would have confused me too! :)

[missychrissy]

Your smart elevators sound awesome!!! I wanna ride! And as for having remote access from home to the work network, that's a very good sign that you'll be able to telecommute!!

I'm thrilled for you! I'm also very impressed with the compost bins. We have them available, but their not right in our offices. They do recycle batteries here though.

[AmeriBrit]

It’s been awhile since I worked in a skyscraper. The elevators in this building will take a little getting used to. This morning I just jumped on one thinking I could push the button for my floor, but after I got in, I was the only one staring stupidly at the place where the buttons normally are, and I was looking at *no* buttons. Had to ask people to explain it to me and I’m convinced they all giggled at the amateur after I got off the thing. What I should have done was this: on the ground floor, you go to this keypad and punch in what floor you want to go to. Then it gives you a letter (each elevator car is assigned A,B,C, D…on through L) and you go wait for that elevator to come. You get on and it takes you where you want to go. There’s no little counter above the elevator doors to show you what floor the elevator car is currently at. It just seems to arrive very promptly. I don’t know why I’m so worked up about the whole “smart” elevator thing. It’s kind of impressive, but maybe I’m also convinced the machines are going to rise up and eat me one of these days.

That would totally throw me off! I've never seen that before! I still haven't ever pumped gas by paying at the pump with a credit card...technology freaks me out. LOL

[missychrissy]

That would totally throw me off! I've never seen that before! I still haven't ever pumped gas by paying at the pump with a credit card...technology freaks me out. LOL

:shocker:

[AmeriBrit]

I know....my husband makes sure both cars are filled with petrol....

[Cosmosmom]

:shocker:
This! :laugh:

[missychrissy]

That's really sweet that he fills both cars. :wub:

[daylilies]

How very Star Trek of that elevator, LOL
My mind is still blown by the technology of the Kinect! Voice recognition! It's from the future.
So when I went to pick up Josh from the gym day care, the girl working there was saying "Okay, I'll write my phone number down and maybe someday we can hang out." He had asked her to come over! LOL
I was aware this might happen, since in the past he has said "I told her we live in a grey house, so now she can come over." And then he's very disappointed when she doesn't come.

[Bridget]

That elevator sounds trippy. I would have felt the same way.
I am not very technical but I would absolutely be lost if I couldn't pay for my gas at the pump with a credit card. It's just me and the kids a lot and what a huge pain in the arse it would be to unload the whole lot of us to go pay for gas!
Dbf leaves me on empty all the time and it bugs the crap out of me. I grew up with my sweetheart dad who never wanted us to let our tanks get below 1/2, especially in the winter. In fact, to this day sometimes when I'm at his house he'll say he's running up to the grocery store quick, take my car, and fill it up. He's such a gem.

So I just motored through and cleaned my house. I was a little out of breath because I was really moving but then I came and sat down on the couch and I'm hearing this squeaking sound. I swear, I'm looking all around me like, what is that?

I'm freaking wheezing? Could I be actually wheezing? It turns out it was coming from me. How totally uncool. I've never had respiratory issues, even when I smoked.

[daylilies]

Sorry Bridget, but I'm LOLing over here.
On the other hand, take it easy!

[missychrissy]

So when I went to pick up Josh from the gym day care, the girl working there was saying "Okay, I'll write my phone number down and maybe someday we can hang out." He had asked her to come over! LOL
I was aware this might happen, since in the past he has said "I told her we live in a grey house, so now she can come over." And then he's very disappointed when she doesn't come.

Bless his little heart! :wub:


That elevator sounds trippy. I would have felt the same way.
I am not very technical but I would absolutely be lost if I couldn't pay for my gas at the pump with a credit card. It's just me and the kids a lot and what a huge pain in the arse it would be to unload the whole lot of us to go pay for gas!
Dbf leaves me on empty all the time and it bugs the crap out of me. I grew up with my sweetheart dad who never wanted us to let our tanks get below 1/2, especially in the winter. In fact, to this day sometimes when I'm at his house he'll say he's running up to the grocery store quick, take my car, and fill it up. He's such a gem.

So I just motored through and cleaned my house. I was a little out of breath because I was really moving but then I came and sat down on the couch and I'm hearing this squeaking sound. I swear, I'm looking all around me like, what is that?

I'm freaking wheezing? Could I be actually wheezing? It turns out it was coming from me. How totally uncool. I've never had respiratory issues, even when I smoked.

I developed allergies with 2 of my pregnancies. Allergies that went away right after the babies were born. I didn't wheeze, but nothing about pregnancy surprises me!!

And Bridget, this is going to sound awful, but your dad sounds like such a great man and they say little girls typically grow up to 'marry their fathers' and I cannot help but wonder...how'd you end up with dbf? Believe me, I don't mean for that to sound as mean as it probably does. :(

I confess...I'm friends on FB with a former neighbor that had taken me in when my mother was first dx'd with her mental illness. She requested me probably a year ago. In the early 80's the support for single dads in my area was to remove the young children and put them in foster homes. A crappy system that I do still have issues about, but whatever. What's done is done.

Anyway, she messaged me and said she wondered if I remembered staying with her and she talked about braiding my hair...blah blah blah. I'm really put out over it. First, it was not a pleasant time for me at all. It was a dark, lonely, scary time and while she may have been great as gold, I was a 4 or 5-year-old little girl that just wanted her mother. I get the impression she's expecting me to say something like, "You were fabulous and I'm the person I am today because of you!!" Ugh-I'm annoyed. I don't feel that way at all. I resent that time I was there even if it wasn't her fault. And I can't even remember if I was there 3 weeks or 6 months.

Those memories are not good ones for me and I like to bring them out on my own, not have them thrown up in my face when I'm not emotionally prepared.

[Gwenn]

:hugs: Chrissy, I'm hurting for you. That can't be easy for you to have her contact you like that.

[daylilies]

I'm sorry Chrissy She's probably living with the good memories she has of being with you and doesn't realize what a traumatic experience it was for you.

And the thing about girls marrying their fathers...I find myself comparing DH to my dad all the time (even though I have no idea what he's really like with his wife--I don't see him more than 3-4 times a year)
Even though I have a hunch my dad cheated on my mom (it was kept very hush hush around me and still is, but I have hints), I still look up to him. Is that weird?

[Bridget]

Chrissy, :hugs:. If she wanted to reconnect with you, she should have just inquired about how you were doing and let you make the choice to talk about the past or not. I'm sorry she drudged up some painful memories for you.

And I wonder all the time how I ended up with dbf. He couldn't be more different from my dad. He could hardly be more different than me! Truth be told, I've always been attracted to "bad guys" (can you say cliche!) but never actually thought I'd settle down with one. Then again, I never considered my future much at all. I've always just lived day to day. If I'd have thought things through a little more I'd possibly have made different choices.
One day your drinking tequila on a trolley ride around the island of Oahu on Cinco de Mayo and give your underwear to the dude that runs the pub crawl and then all of a sudden you're pregnant with your 3rd child and said guy is still hangin around. (TMI perhaps?):silly:

:hugs: again Chrissy, especially to the four year old you.

[Bridget]

oops.

[Bridget]

double post

[demigraf]

chrissy - I have no real sense of what it was like for you, but I wonder if you could try to let your neighbor give you some of her memories? It sounds like it was a really fulfilling time for her to have you there. Maybe if you can experience that time even a little from her perspective, it might soften the bad feelings you have about it.

On the other hand, I know how annoying it is when someone desperately wants a compliment or seems to have some sort of emotional investment in you sharing her opinion. E.g. for whatever reason, my DH wants me to loooove his family as much as he does and asks me these leading questions to get me to say majorly positive things about them. "Isn't [my brother] sooo funny?" "Wasn't that the best time?" I honestly think they're nice and all, but not that wonderful, and I resent that DH doesn't give me the space to come up with my own compliments for them when I genuinely feel like it.

But - sorry for the tangent, chrissy - I hope something positive comes out of any discussion you have with her, even if it's just getting her to drop it.

[Bridget]

My midwives are coming over tonight for my home visit. It is getting so CLOSE! :hooray:

[missychrissy]

And the thing about girls marrying their fathers...I find myself comparing DH to my dad all the time (even though I have no idea what he's really like with his wife--I don't see him more than 3-4 times a year)
Even though I have a hunch my dad cheated on my mom (it was kept very hush hush around me and still is, but I have hints), I still look up to him. Is that weird?

No, it's not weird at all. He's your Dad.


Chrissy, :hugs:. If she wanted to reconnect with you, she should have just inquired about how you were doing and let you make the choice to talk about the past or not. I'm sorry she drudged up some painful memories for you.

And I wonder all the time how I ended up with dbf. He couldn't be more different from my dad. He could hardly be more different than me! Truth be told, I've always been attracted to "bad guys" (can you say cliche!) but never actually thought I'd settle down with one. Then again, I never considered my future much at all. I've always just lived day to day. If I'd have thought things through a little more I'd possibly have made different choices.
One day your drinking tequila on a trolley ride around the island of Oahu on Cinco de Mayo and give your underwear to the dude that runs the pub crawl and then all of a sudden you're pregnant with your 3rd child and said guy is still hangin around. (TMI perhaps?):silly:

:hugs: again Chrissy, especially to the four year old you.

1-Thank you
2-That is hysterical!


chrissy - I have no real sense of what it was like for you, but I wonder if you could try to let your neighbor give you some of her memories? It sounds like it was a really fulfilling time for her to have you there. Maybe if you can experience that time even a little from her perspective, it might soften the bad feelings you have about it.

On the other hand, I know how annoying it is when someone desperately wants a compliment or seems to have some sort of emotional investment in you sharing her opinion. E.g. for whatever reason, my DH wants me to loooove his family as much as he does and asks me these leading questions to get me to say majorly positive things about them. "Isn't [my brother] sooo funny?" "Wasn't that the best time?" I honestly think they're nice and all, but not that wonderful, and I resent that DH doesn't give me the space to come up with my own compliments for them when I genuinely feel like it.

But - sorry for the tangent, chrissy - I hope something positive comes out of any discussion you have with her, even if it's just getting her to drop it.
There's no way that will ever happen. Not just with her, although there's a whole lot to her that is fruity and weird and knowing her this is 100% an "Ain't I wonderful person for what I did?" type of thing. I resent it. She's also extremely right-wing and judgmental...not my two favorite traits in anyone.

This is the message she sent me on Facebook:


Do you remember?

I've often wondered if you remember staying with Glen and me for a while. I remember that you showed off your braids in "Show and tell" at school when you were with us. Your teacher called to tell me about it. She was crying! Braids....who knew the meaning of happiness then? Such sweet kids. I hope your time with us was happy. You certainly made me smile! I only responded with:


I vaguely remember that time. I don't remember the braids, but I recall being impressed Glen could stand on his head. because I'm nice and don't want to hurt her feelings, but if she contacts me again about any of it I'm blocking her on facebook. Those memories are too hurtful and they're private and I will not bring them out to look at, examine and feel at someone else's whim. I'm very protective of 4/5-year-old me and I try not to let her hurt too much. She's (I've) suffered enough.

I laid in bed till 2:00 am with tears just falling out of my eyes, feeling stupid for it the whole time. It hurts and knowing that I'm a 35-year-old woman that turned out ok doesn't lessen that pain at all.

Even in the light of day, I think her first message to me is bizarre. She lived next to me until I was 12 years old and this is the only thing she could think of to say?

[missychrissy]

I'm sorry if I sounded grouchy and defensive. I don't mean to be mean...it's just an area that I usually can control and contain but I need to be able to call all the shots on it. I'm selfish about those memories and my emotions but I feel like I earned the right to be. In this regard, I cannot give any of myself to anyone else except my Dad, brother and mother who were all suffering with me at that time.

[demigraf]

You don't sound grouchy or defensive. You sound like you're managing your emotions. I'm so sorry her message kept you up and so upset last night. :comfort:

[daylilies]

I'm sorry Chrissy :( I'm surprised she wasn't more sensitive about bringing it up. Maybe she had a couple too many drinks and was feeling nostalgic and didn't consider how much of a sensitive topic it was for you. Either way it sounds like she isn't the type of person you want in your life (from what you said about her being right wing and judgmental)

[missychrissy]

Thanks for the support ladies. I can't tell you how much it helps just to have this place to let it all out in. I didn't even tell my husband about her contacting me...not because I don't think he'd be supportive, but if I started bawling in front of him he'd be all helpless and that would make me feel worse.

On a happier note, I spoke with a mortgage broker last night. I decided to go that route because of our bankruptcy on our credit. She can run a report and help me (if I need it) clear things up, and she knows which banks will be more likely to lend to us. She believes we would be eligible for a USDA loan with no money down, but I'm not sure I'll go with that. If we have money to put down I want to just to make our mortgage payments smaller.

I've found some amazing properties and I'm really getting excited about finding a home!! When we start looking, what things should I look out for? What questions should I ask? How much lower is it ok to offer on an asking price? (is offering $20,000 less than asking ok, or too low?). My area (the NY part) recently did a reassessment thing (in 2007 I believe) and everyone was really ticked off about their assessments being so high once it was done. I've seen many houses that are listed for much more than the 2007 assessment and while I know that they don't necessarily have to relate equally, shouldn't they be kinda close? I mean, people are asking sometimes 50-60,000 more than their assessment.

Thanks for any advice you can offer. The last time I bought a house, it was my parents so I am like a newbie with this process.

[daylilies]

I don't know a lot about the politics of asking prices and offers. I think when we did it we had the inspection and we took into account what needed to be fixed and based our offer on that. The seller was really difficult. She didn't want to budge on anything. She was renting the place to college kids and she had let a lot of maintenance go. It was like pulling teeth just to get her to mow the overgrown lawn before we moved in.
Anyway...think about what's important to you, like I like a lot of natural light, and we got that. How many bathrooms is probably important, with 4 kids. Convenience to shopping, schools, doctors, etc. Do you need space for a w/d, or convenience to a laundromat? Consider the neighborhood, are there kids, or is it older couples, or young couples, etc.

[Ky'sMom]

I think 20K below asking price is fair. I would start there. I found that most people selling their homes over-priced them in the original area of the city we were going to move. Some of those houses are still for sale for 50-60K less than what was the original asking price some even 80K less since the market has gone south. Also, I know here that the tax assessors are just trying to make more money of course from property taxes. We have had to have continuous fights/arguments with our assessors, luckily they have lowered our assessed value to more reflect what the house is actually worth.

And so sorry about the lady dredging up old memories. I have had similar interactions on Facebook, especially with my ex-stepfather who sexually molested me when I was 8 years old. I wasn't really upset but wondered how he would have the gall to ask me to be his FB friend and send me a message about wanting to "see my kids." Why the hell would I want someone to see my kids who abused me when I was a kid!! It was just ridiculous.

I had a very difficult time sorting out the abuse when I was a teenager and moving past it and it was just crazy to me that he would try to speak to me when I was very blunt with him and told him to his face to never speak to or acknowledge me again. He is my younger brothers' dad so I do expect to hear of him, but that doesn't mean that I have to have any interactions with him at all and I told him that in a FB message in response to his request. He didn't try to contact me again after that, but who knows he may try to again. I wish I could have had him put in jail but the police said that since my mom never reported it to law enforcement (I'm not going to get into that one!) then it happened to long ago to bring charges now, that was when I was 22 when I was going to file charges. I worry about him doing something to my brothers children when they have children. One of them just had a baby who is 6 months old and I worry about him being around his grandfather.

Erin

[Bridget]

I hate that any of you beautiful women were abused. It's speaks volume about the content of your characters that you overcame it to become phenomenal mothers.

Do any of you remember the story about my childhood friend who was murdered along with her daughter last winter? Well, it's coming up on a year since it happened and I just got an email from her best friend. These two girls had a pretty unique friendship. They were pretty much attached at the hip from 4th grade until T was killed. Soulmates.
In her message she tells me she feels very alone in her grief and like the only person that could ever comfort a pain like this is the friend that is gone. It just tore my heart out. I can't stop thinking about her and am trying to think of something I can do to comfort her that won't seem shallow and pointless in the midst of such deep grief. She sent me a beautiful poem that she said made her think about me and my mom. I don't know why I'm sharing this. It's just making me so sad.

[daylilies]

I do remember that story, Bridget. Does she live close to you? You could get together for a night and talk about her, or something.

[missychrissy]

I don't know a lot about the politics of asking prices and offers. I think when we did it we had the inspection and we took into account what needed to be fixed and based our offer on that. The seller was really difficult. She didn't want to budge on anything. She was renting the place to college kids and she had let a lot of maintenance go. It was like pulling teeth just to get her to mow the overgrown lawn before we moved in.
Anyway...think about what's important to you, like I like a lot of natural light, and we got that. How many bathrooms is probably important, with 4 kids. Convenience to shopping, schools, doctors, etc. Do you need space for a w/d, or convenience to a laundromat? Consider the neighborhood, are there kids, or is it older couples, or young couples, etc.

Good idea. I know we need 2 bathrooms and prefer 4, but we'll consider a large 3 bedroom if there's room to create another room. Even in the basement. :P I'd have Jesi sleep there! (lol---if it is a finished basement, of course, but I like to tease her about living in the basement or attic). A garage is a must because I will not scrape my windshield no more. Although I was considering living in a town or village, we've driven past several that are for sale and I just cannot see myself living that close to people!

I'll get started on my list tonight. I'm sure it's going to be long.


And so sorry about the lady dredging up old memories. I have had similar interactions on Facebook, especially with my ex-stepfather who sexually molested me when I was 8 years old. I wasn't really upset but wondered how he would have the gall to ask me to be his FB friend and send me a message about wanting to "see my kids." Why the hell would I want someone to see my kids who abused me when I was a kid!! It was just ridiculous.
...

Erin

Oh Erin! How awful and sickening :hugs:


I hate that any of you beautiful women were abused. It's speaks volume about the content of your characters that you overcame it to become phenomenal mothers.

Do any of you remember the story about my childhood friend who was murdered along with her daughter last winter? Well, it's coming up on a year since it happened and I just got an email from her best friend. These two girls had a pretty unique friendship. They were pretty much attached at the hip from 4th grade until T was killed. Soulmates.
In her message she tells me she feels very alone in her grief and like the only person that could ever comfort a pain like this is the friend that is gone. It just tore my heart out. I can't stop thinking about her and am trying to think of something I can do to comfort her that won't seem shallow and pointless in the midst of such deep grief. She sent me a beautiful poem that she said made her think about me and my mom. I don't know why I'm sharing this. It's just making me so sad.
That's so sad. I think just being there and listening is really all you can do, and I'm sure it does take a weight off for her when she can simply let it out. Poor woman.

[missychrissy]

Also, I know here that the tax assessors are just trying to make more money of course from property taxes. We have had to have continuous fights/arguments with our assessors, luckily they have lowered our assessed value to more reflect what the house is actually worth.
That's what happened in our area too, but not many people were successful at fighting for a lower assessment. Not even people that had recently purchased their homes for 30-40,000 less than the assessment.

And since 2007, the housing market has tanked. I just don't get what these sellers are thinking.

[Cosmosmom]

Sellers are going to try to go as high as they can. You really have to look at each house individually. The biggest factor is knowing what it is worth to YOU. If they are priced to sell, 20K less would be wrong. But that house likely wouldn't be on the market long. IF they are overpriced, they will be sitting there. If the seller really wants out, they will move, if not they won't. Also forget about assessments....that is for taxes only, NOT fair market value. Your best bet is a good realtor who will give you comps and you can see what comparable homes in that area have been selling for. I would start looking online and attending any open houses you can find. This really helps you know what you are looking for and what you can budge on and see what homes are out there at what prices and what conditions. Also look and see if what homes are at in your target areas. I regularly check the assements in my neighborhood to see what homes have sold for and what their taxes are based on ones that are about the same size as mine (I have no plans to sell but haven't found out yet what my taxes will be since it's new construction....I have a good idea though).

[missychrissy]

Thanks, but in NY the assessments are supposed to be at or a percentage of the fair market value of the home


New York State Law requires all properties in your municipality (except in New York City and Nassau County) to be assessed at a uniform percentage of market value each year. This means that all taxable properties in your city, town or village must be assessed at market value or all at the same uniform percentage of market value each year. State Law also requires your assessor to include the estimate of the market value for each property, the assessment for each property and the uniform percentage for all taxable property on the tentative assessment roll.

I do not live in or near NYC or Nassau County.

[demigraf]

From my experience, the tax assessments were lower than typical asking and selling prices, at least in Los Angeles County.

But how exciting, Chrissy! I’m kinda jealous that you get to kick the tires on houses. I confess I regularly sign into ZipRealty.com and look at homes for sale just so I can window shop. ITA with everything Jennifer said. Websites like Trulia and Zillow are useful for researching “comps” for yourself because they give you the prices of homes in the area, broken down by their attributes like how many bedrooms/bathrooms/sq ft, so if you’re looking for e.g. a 5BR/3BA house with a finished basement and at least 12.5k sq ft of lot, you can try to find another comparable house in that zip code that recently sold and see how much it went for to base your offer price on. Your offer price will also depend on other intangibles, though, like how motivated is the seller, and how many others are making offers on the house. You could rely on a realtor to give you leads on homes for sale or (my recommendation - ) initiate your own search online to see what’s on the market. Your area will probably have an MLS that acts a central repository for all the active listings.

OK, I was nosy, and I checked online and think this site could be helpful: http://www.ithacarealtors.com/search.asp if that’s the area you’re looking at. If not, I’m sure there’s another online MLS for your area.

The one thing I’ve read, though, is that even the realtor that is representing you - the buyer - will not fight that hard for you to get a lower price. Your realtor will just encourage you to do whatever to close the deal for the sake of their own commissions. So try to be as informed as possible about the real value of the home, what sort of cashbacks, conditions and inclusions are available for you to write into your contract, and be your own advocate, because that’s not what the agent is really there for. I found my agent most useful in getting through all the paperwork and knowing what my next steps were, but not for arguing my case for a lower price or getting cash for defects on the house . I’m still a little pissed at myself and at him for final price. Freakonomics has an funny chapter about real estate agents; check it out if you happen to be in a bookstore.

Bridget, that story about your friend is so sad. At least she has you to talk to. :comfort:

[demigraf]

I had a very difficult time sorting out the abuse when I was a teenager and moving past it and it was just crazy to me that he would try to speak to me when I was very blunt with him and told him to his face to never speak to or acknowledge me again. He is my younger brothers' dad so I do expect to hear of him, but that doesn't mean that I have to have any interactions with him at all and I told him that in a FB message in response to his request. He didn't try to contact me again after that, but who knows he may try to again. I wish I could have had him put in jail but the police said that since my mom never reported it to law enforcement (I'm not going to get into that one!) then it happened to long ago to bring charges now, that was when I was 22 when I was going to file charges. I worry about him doing something to my brothers children when they have children. One of them just had a baby who is 6 months old and I worry about him being around his grandfather.

Erin

Oh, wow, Erin. I wish there were more recourse for you at this stage. I hope you get the chance to have some sort of a talk with your brother about his dad, although I can only imagine how hard it must be to talk about. I would definitely worry about your nephews and nieces too. It really burns me up to think about people going unpunished for heinous crimes like this.

But do I even need to point out how amazing it is that you turned out so awesome after all that? :hugs:

[Bridget]

We are very tentatively looking at property on the Big Island of Hawaii.
I started to have some wishy washy feelings for dbf the other night when I though about how he moved us here with his life savings even though wisconsin is the last place he'd ever choose to live. If he hadn't done that, I'd never have gotten to spend my mom's last years with her. Of course we had no idea we'd lose her so quickly. I mean for all of his crap qualities, he gave up everything he knew and saved his whole life to buy a house over here and that was all for me.
I think the idea of being here for the rest of his life must be pretty terrifying to him. He's so out of his element. So anyway, I suggested that he look into selling his condo on Oahu and looking for something in the country on the Big Island where we could farm and homeschool and live a simple country life. He is STOKED that I would even consider it. So he's dabbling around and looking at properties...like 5 minutes after I said it. :laugh:

I'm not talking about soon, but a few years down the line maybe. I made sure to say that several times. I'm not leaving my dad any time soon. I'd love it if he came with us but he won't go anywhere anytime soonn And if dbf finds something perfect for us, it will be easy to rent as a vacation rental until we make the move.

[missychrissy]

From my experience, the tax assessments were lower than typical asking and selling prices, at least in Los Angeles County.

But how exciting, Chrissy! I’m kinda jealous that you get to kick the tires on houses. I confess I regularly sign into ZipRealty.com and look at homes for sale just so I can window shop. ITA with everything Jennifer said. Websites like Trulia and Zillow are useful for researching “comps” for yourself because they give you the prices of homes in the area, broken down by their attributes like how many bedrooms/bathrooms/sq ft, so if you’re looking for e.g. a 5BR/3BA house with a finished basement and at least 12.5k sq ft of lot, you can try to find another comparable house in that zip code that recently sold and see how much it went for to base your offer price on. Your offer price will also depend on other intangibles, though, like how motivated is the seller, and how many others are making offers on the house. You could rely on a realtor to give you leads on homes for sale or (my recommendation - ) initiate your own search online to see what’s on the market. Your area will probably have an MLS that acts a central repository for all the active listings.

OK, I was nosy, and I checked online and think this site could be helpful: http://www.ithacarealtors.com/search.asp if that’s the area you’re looking at. If not, I’m sure there’s another online MLS for your area.

The one thing I’ve read, though, is that even the realtor that is representing you - the buyer - will not fight that hard for you to get a lower price. Your realtor will just encourage you to do whatever to close the deal for the sake of their own commissions. So try to be as informed as possible about the real value of the home, what sort of cashbacks, conditions and inclusions are available for you to write into your contract, and be your own advocate, because that’s not what the agent is really there for. I found my agent most useful in getting through all the paperwork and knowing what my next steps were, but not for arguing my case for a lower price or getting cash for defects on the house . I’m still a little pissed at myself and at him for final price. Freakonomics has an funny chapter about real estate agents; check it out if you happen to be in a bookstore.

Bridget, that story about your friend is so sad. At least she has you to talk to. :comfort:

That's how it used to be here too, till the reassessments of '07. And that's why almost everyone had a coronary when they went up so high.

I've been on Trulia for months already and have about 6-8 houses picked out that I want to look at, and I've been keeping tabs on what "my" houses have been going for. Unfortunately, the price ranges have varied greatly. I'll have to check out ZipRealty and Zillow. I never heard of them.

We're not looking in the Tompkins county (Ithaca) area. Either Tioga in NY or Bradford in PA (just Sayre/Athens area in PA because there's a bus run that goes directly to Cornell). But my soon-to-be-Realtor did mention giving me an MLS site to check out houses after our prequalification.

That sucks about the buyer's Realtor not being very helpful with getting a decent price. I think they have to convey your offer no matter what it is, so if I feel strongly about something I'll just insist.

[missychrissy]

We are very tentatively looking at property on the Big Island of Hawaii.
I started to have some wishy washy feelings for dbf the other night when I though about how he moved us here with his life savings even though wisconsin is the last place he'd ever choose to live. If he hadn't done that, I'd never have gotten to spend my mom's last years with her. Of course we had no idea we'd lose her so quickly. I mean for all of his crap qualities, he gave up everything he knew and saved his whole life to buy a house over here and that was all for me.
I think the idea of being here for the rest of his life must be pretty terrifying to him. He's so out of his element. So anyway, I suggested that he look into selling his condo on Oahu and looking for something in the country on the Big Island where we could farm and homeschool and live a simple country life. He is STOKED that I would even consider it. So he's dabbling around and looking at properties...like 5 minutes after I said it. :laugh:

I'm not talking about soon, but a few years down the line maybe. I made sure to say that several times. I'm not leaving my dad any time soon. I'd love it if he came with us but he won't go anywhere anytime soonn And if dbf finds something perfect for us, it will be easy to rent as a vacation rental until we make the move.

How thrilling! And very thoughtful and sweet of you Bridget. I hope it all works out for everyone.

[missychrissy]

I'm just monopolizing the room today, but when I was on the phone with the mortgage broker last night my BB died and I had to call her back from Rich's phone. I also gave her our home land-line number so she can reach me if my battery totally dies and she needs to get ahold of me for some reason.

Anyway, she said I should hear from her today and I haven't, however the soon-to-be-buyer's Realtor wrote me and said she heard I'd talked to Tara and that Rich and I should make a list of what we'd like and make an appointment to meet with her.

I never gave her Rich's name that I recall. I'm wondering if Tara (the broker) left a message for me on our home phone? I thought Tara was just going to run our credit report and look for any issues that needed to be cleaned up for applying, but now I'm not so sure. Debbie (the Realtor) acts like it's on and we're now house hunting.

[Cosmosmom]

Well and fair market values can change pretty rapidly. I know the one we put an offer in was assessed at 196. Yeah NO way. Sellers bought for 179 in 2004. We were doing this in 2008 and offered 165,900 (asking was 179 at that point). I was willing to go to 169 but a bit more. Had been on the market for 10 months and they had already moved and their new house in a different city was almost done. That was when we rejected their reply back to us and wanted to start removing freaking light fixtures (which I liked) and not replace them at 174. So we said nope and they actually came back to us at 172...we said nope again. Our buyer agent happened to be the sellers too...not recommended and he tried to work on us hard. But I woudln't budge. I liked the house, DH didn't love it and if we had gotten it for what we wanted, great. Otherwise I was willing to walk away. The longer we looked, the pickier we got and found that building was an option (and our agent actually called ahead to the builder we went to see to try to talk us out of it!). I was annoyed so we waited until our contract was done with the agent.....and the next month we bought our land and used our builder as the agent for that. Because he was buying up some lots also, he got us a GREAT deal (asking for them was 39,900...we got it for 28K) and didn't charge commission because we had already contracted to build with him. This was the third builder I talked too and got a great vibe from him, liked what the homes I saw him do, he was working in the neighborhood I wanted to live in, builds only energy star homes and was able to get us in the month we wanted. For some building is a nightmare but ours was fun and pretty smooth.

My MIL was buying in the Chicago area a few years back....asking was 229 and their realtor was like NOBODY goes in for less than asking. She said, I like the house but am not in love and will pay 209....if they reject it, so be it we will keep looking. They accepted....good thing they didn't pay more because today it would be lucky to sell for 189 and so her and her DH who are trying to divorce have to keep living there a bit longer because they currently owe more than it's worth and hope to maybe get out in a year.

You definitely have to listen to your gut and don't let anyone talk to you into anything!

[Cosmosmom]

I would also google whatever city you like in and tax assessments and look at the official records. It's all public info....not sure how that compares to truila or zillow.....


And Bridget that is pretty exciting!

[missychrissy]

I think I want an organic farm in Hawaii now too. :P We had talked about doing that ourselves here, because Ithaca is so hippie-ish (in a good way) and all about organic foods. The community is very willing to share ideas and I don't think they're even close to being over-saturated here with organics...and even if they did I could ship the organics to parrot owners (Bridget, just keep that in your hat-Avian owners pay good money for organic foods for their fids!).

But while Rich is a tremendously hard worker with plenty of farming experience and know-how, he's not one for records and the business side of things and I'm just not interested in doing it. I suck as a partner.

[demigraf]

We are very tentatively looking at property on the Big Island of Hawaii.
I started to have some wishy washy feelings for dbf the other night when I though about how he moved us here with his life savings even though wisconsin is the last place he'd ever choose to live. If he hadn't done that, I'd never have gotten to spend my mom's last years with her. Of course we had no idea we'd lose her so quickly. I mean for all of his crap qualities, he gave up everything he knew and saved his whole life to buy a house over here and that was all for me.
I think the idea of being here for the rest of his life must be pretty terrifying to him. He's so out of his element. So anyway, I suggested that he look into selling his condo on Oahu and looking for something in the country on the Big Island where we could farm and homeschool and live a simple country life. He is STOKED that I would even consider it. So he's dabbling around and looking at properties...like 5 minutes after I said it. :laugh:

I'm not talking about soon, but a few years down the line maybe. I made sure to say that several times. I'm not leaving my dad any time soon. I'd love it if he came with us but he won't go anywhere anytime soonn And if dbf finds something perfect for us, it will be easy to rent as a vacation rental until we make the move.

Can you take your dad with you? Would he go for that? We also constantly talk about moving to HI, esp after 2 sets of friends bought farms in Cap'n Cook. One couple is gay and super trendy, so we always joke about how we should go now before they upmarket the area and price us out. Wouldn't that be cool if we both ended up neighbors?

[demigraf]

I confess I'm gonna become the office compost police. People here are doing it wrong. LOL.

[missychrissy]

I confess I'm gonna become the office compost police. People here are doing it wrong. LOL.

Excellent mission!

[Gwenn]

We are very tentatively looking at property on the Big Island of Hawaii.
I started to have some wishy washy feelings for dbf the other night when I though about how he moved us here with his life savings even though wisconsin is the last place he'd ever choose to live. If he hadn't done that, I'd never have gotten to spend my mom's last years with her. Of course we had no idea we'd lose her so quickly. I mean for all of his crap qualities, he gave up everything he knew and saved his whole life to buy a house over here and that was all for me.
I think the idea of being here for the rest of his life must be pretty terrifying to him. He's so out of his element. So anyway, I suggested that he look into selling his condo on Oahu and looking for something in the country on the Big Island where we could farm and homeschool and live a simple country life. He is STOKED that I would even consider it. So he's dabbling around and looking at properties...like 5 minutes after I said it. :laugh:

I'm not talking about soon, but a few years down the line maybe. I made sure to say that several times. I'm not leaving my dad any time soon. I'd love it if he came with us but he won't go anywhere anytime soonn And if dbf finds something perfect for us, it will be easy to rent as a vacation rental until we make the move.

You know, for all the negative things you have said about your DBF, this really does speak volumes. And it might explain some of his negative emotions as well.

But I agree, you should take your dad with you. He's amazing!

[AmeriBrit]

That sounds really fun, Bridget! I've always wanted to go to Hawaii. I guess when the kids get older, we'll try to go.

Chrissy, good luck with the house buying; it's such a big process, it nearly drove me crazy selling our house and buying the one we're in now!

[daylilies]

So I know this is not a big deal, but it's just eating away at me. I can't help it. LOL
Today I was putting away a coat in a closet we don't usually use (we had one warm day so I had taken out a light coat and I was putting it away this morning) and I found a bunch of Josh's winter stuff that I had been looking for forever. I'm always scrounging around for his hat and stuff and here I found like 6 more that I thought he had lost. I mentioned it to DH and he said "oh yeah, I knew they were there." So how come he never told me? All those days when I sent Josh out in my hat, or his gloves that are really meant for gardening because I couldn't find the right ones. DH knew about all that. And he knew the other stuff was in that closet. Why did the communication shut down? I don't understand it.
All I wanted out of him was Sorry or "I don't know why I didn't think to tell you" but all he did was get defensive and he just kept saying "I figured you put them away for a reason." Well maybe, but when I needed them, why didn't you remind me about them? He just let me struggle and search all those days while he looked on. Why do I have to feel alienated from my own husband?
Yes folks, this is the stuff that bothers me.

[3andMe]

Demigraf, I love love LOVE your new siggy picture with Bodhi. Love it!

Chrissy, your house questions are too complex for me and I think it really depends on the microclimate (micromarkets?) of where you're offering, and even the individual house. There are no hard-and-fast rules for offering below market value now, for example. I would suggest (even though Demigraf suggested otherwise) to get a really good, experienced realtor who will want you to get the house and will have the expertise to help you offer the appropriate price for it. I have had bad realtors and good realtors on my side, and I could tell a huge difference. Granted, that was in a very competetive market, but the experienced ones will have a much better idea what offers will be accepted and what you are more likely to be able to ask for and get in the negotiation phases. Now I have a less experienced realtor because she's a friend, but I told her that my rule was we had to have an experienced one consult with us along the way. No winging it.

Bridget, it's been a while since I responded in here, because I keep having just a few minutes to read and no time to write and because I'm a little wacky (I'm recovering from meningitis right now and I'm on steroids), but I have to say I loved your TMI story about giving your underwear to the pub crawl guy and ending up being pregnant with his third child.

[daylilies]

I hope you're feeling better soon Lydia!

[missychrissy]

So I know this is not a big deal, but it's just eating away at me. I can't help it. LOL
Today I was putting away a coat in a closet we don't usually use (we had one warm day so I had taken out a light coat and I was putting it away this morning) and I found a bunch of Josh's winter stuff that I had been looking for forever. I'm always scrounging around for his hat and stuff and here I found like 6 more that I thought he had lost. I mentioned it to DH and he said "oh yeah, I knew they were there." So how come he never told me? All those days when I sent Josh out in my hat, or his gloves that are really meant for gardening because I couldn't find the right ones. DH knew about all that. And he knew the other stuff was in that closet. Why did the communication shut down? I don't understand it.
All I wanted out of him was Sorry or "I don't know why I didn't think to tell you" but all he did was get defensive and he just kept saying "I figured you put them away for a reason." Well maybe, but when I needed them, why didn't you remind me about them? He just let me struggle and search all those days while he looked on. Why do I have to feel alienated from my own husband?
Yes folks, this is the stuff that bothers me.

I think it's a big deal and I'd be furious. Rich has done similar things in the past and I told him all about it. I hate when people make excuses and get defensive. Everyone does everything they do for a reason-it doesn't make it a good reason. At some point, each and every one of us has to say, "I'm sorry" and just leave it at that...no excuses, no trying to turn it around on someone else. It's taking responsibility and acknowledging that although we had a reason to do what we did, it wasn't a good reason. By making excuses, he's not showing any indication he'll behave differently next time. If I were you, that would make me feel very alone. Relationships are supposed to be about partnership. It wouldn't have killed him to say, "Do you remember putting them in the closet? I thought I saw them there."

Now I'm heated at him on your behalf.

[missychrissy]

Oh, and I did get a buyer's Realtor. We're meeting the 15th.

I've decided we'll offer what we think the house is worth and even if that means we paid more for ours than someone down the street, oh well. I'm not going to pay more than I can afford and I want to make sure I get the house I want. I wouldn't want to low-ball someone and have the next person get it. That would be worse than paying 10-20,000 more. If it's my dream house, I'm going to be willing to pay for it.

Now, to find my dream house. :P I'm so picky and want so much that I'm a little worried we'll never find it.

[daylilies]

Aw, I'm already over it Chrissy :P Thanks for understanding though. I feel like I have to put a disclaimer about being oversensitive at the beginning of my rants because DH just makes me feel like I fly off the handle about everything. It's good to feel like maybe I'm not losing my mind and nitpicking, as he puts it.
This house was one of the first three we looked at. We saw a really weird house that could have been great but needed a lot of work. We saw this house right after that one, so we were a little nonplussed at its normality, LOL
When we came back and looked at it another day we really liked it. We had made lists and lists of the things that were important in the order of their importance, things we could live without, pros and cons of each area we were looking at. We ended up raising our price range because we weren't finding anything we liked in our original range. (we aimed low, to start)

[missychrissy]

He does that just so he doesn't have to hear it. You're valid in your feelings. Try not to let him change the subject or attempt to make you feel bad for feeling the way you do when things go wrong.

I'm glad to hear you made lists and lists too. I was doing that and feeling like I was severely limiting my options by putting so much down. But you found yours in just 3 looks, so I'm really hopeful now!

I was also going to ask if it was ok to ask to look at a house a 2nd time and you answered that for me. I was laying in bed last night wondering about that. If the sellers are still living there, I'm sure it's a pita for them, but then again, if they want to sell their home I guess they'll vacate for the hour or so it takes for a 2nd look :)

[daylilies]

There was nobody really living here when we looked at it. It was being rented to college kids, but they were gone, and the seller's sister was staying here for a couple days or something but she wasn't around when we came. The first time we saw it was by appt. and the second time was an open house, IIRC. It's funny how these details are fuzzy already! It was only a year and a half ago.

[Cosmosmom]

We probably looked at over 50 houses but many were open houses. I still go to them sometimes....well at least the ones in my neighborhood if I can just to get decorating ideas and well I'm just nosey. LOL

So this was our list....ranch house. We really wanted ranch and many here are bi-level (which we considered and the one we did offer on was a bi) or multilevel which we hate. And 2 story was out for sure after living in a townhouse for 3 years....stairs got old.
3 bedrooms though 4 would have been ok too
2 bathrooms
good sized tub since we both like a bath to relax sometimes
not much work needed because are not handy
Good kitchen with lots of counter space
A master bedroom that was big enough for our furniture (only a queen bed but we have two big dressers....seriously our furniture was a big reason why many homes did not work and it was expensive and I love it so we were not getting rid of it)
A decent sized yard
City water
Either south or west side of town....I don't know anything about the north side and it's not easy to get to work from the north side and I didn't want to be more than 10-15 minutes from our jobs
A big picture window in the living room and the living room had to be at the front of the house (that was DH's request).
Cute curb appeal....again that was DH's.....he cares deeply about curb appeal.
2 car garage (not 3 because DH hates when the whole front of the house is garage).
Look out windows in the basement
Unfinished basement (DH really wanted that...most we saw were finished but not professionally). If we ever need to finish ours, we will have it done professionally to match the upstairs.
No vaulted ceilings....we just don't like them and think that they are a waste of energy and too expensive to paint.
No totally open floor plans...just didn't want to see dirty dishes while I'm trying to watch TV. :)
Oh and we didn't want the house too big or too small. Just didn't want to pay a huge energy bill and for the two of us and a future child...our 1451 sq feet is perfect.

So yeah we started looking at older homes that were like 120-130 range...all had bedrooms too small for our stuff. Than got up in the 150-170 range and saw places that would work fine and we liked well enough EXCEPT they were mostly bi-levels that DH didn't like and/or they were beige and DH hates beige homes. Than we said if we were going to pay that much, might as well go up a bit more and get exactly what we wanted. We ended up taking two of the builders plans and combining the two with the stuff we liked until we got our plan. I also made sure that he put enough in for allowances for things like light fixtures and flooring. I knew it would be more expensive just because we had to get blinds, appliances, landscaping.....but before we added those, for the house and land we came out at 182K. I just LOVE my home and am really happy with all the choices we made. After living there of course there are a few things I would change looking back but it's not all that much.

[Cosmosmom]

We went back to a couple of homes more than once....especially the one we put the offer on and the one that we saw with our builder that was close to the one we built to let him know what we liked and didn't but of course nobody was living there (or the one we put the offer on).

[Cosmosmom]

Uggg stupid machines not coming with instruction manuals. I have a new really cool printer/copier/scanner/fax machine....but no instructions and it's taking a while to figure out how to use it and their "help" isn't always the most helpful.

[missychrissy]

You should be able to get help on the manufacturer's web site. And the manual will be on the installation CD if anyone has that laying around.

[Cosmosmom]

So I was trying to scan multiple pages to email. I'm used to just keep on scanning until done and hit done.
This one, nope, it will send it after the first scan unless you do job build after you enter in the email address. After enough playing around, I got that figured out. Took a while to figure out how to dial out for faxing too......
I'm still trying to get IS to let me have admin over it so I can delete emails when people accidently add them to the address book (very easy to do)....we are open to the public so get one time users (while say waiting for family in surgery or something).

[missychrissy]

I don't know if we're going to survive home seeking if today is any indication of how stressed out and touchy we can be. I'm sure it's more me, but it seemed like everything Rich had to offer was a negative. When I mentioned that I still hadn't heard from our mortgage broker and I was worried about that and that I was anxious to know the prequalification amount, he said his cousin (early, early 20's, single, makes $12/hour or so) was only approved for 70,000. I couldn't help it, I got annoyed. It was his tone and how it was send in the conversation...I was like, "So you think we'll only be approved for 70,000?" We're older, married, and make a hecuvalot more than him!

That wasn't the only thing. I found a house that seems just about perfect and he seemed really into it, then suddenly talked about how far he'd have to drive to go hunting. The next thing I know he's grilling me about how much it is, how much the payments will be...yadda yadda yadda. He was just picking my budget apart. :( He gives me 2/3 of his paycheck and has no clue what our budget is, how much I bring home, what groceries cost or any of our other bills. He might be able to tell you what our current rent payment is, but that's it. Now he's giving me budgeting advice?

And I only said "I will not buy any house in Candor, no matter what" and he snapped at me and said, "so I guess our only option is to live in Owego?" Um, no. I've been looking at and talking about houses in Tioga Hills district, Owego, Tioga Center, Sayre/Athens, PA, and even Waverly (although Waverly may be as bad as Candor). Where is this coming from? :cry:

[Gwenn]

Ugh, Chrissy. Maybe he's scared?

And Lydia, glad to see you posting again as well.

[Cosmosmom]

could you sit down and write out the budget and show it to him? It really helped me since I am not the one who pays the bills.
It is stressful to buy a house and think about everything that goes along with it. We were so back and forth on the whole thing for years and made all sorts of pro/cons list. And than I was supposed to pick between house and adoption and picked the house...and not even a year later I'm back on adoption (which annoys him and he was saying he was feeling tricked...though he knows not to say it anymore after a few meltdowns this month including a dozy on new years eve....so we are back on once the money is in place).

when do you see the mortgage broker? Could you also try the credit union? I would almost think that there would be one as part of your job....do you know what your credit scores are?
I think that is the biggest thing for getting approval....credit scores/what you make/and what other kinds of debt do you have.

I know nothing of your areas...but that sounds like you are open to a pretty big area for house hunting....just try to not fall in love with homes too much until you know it's going to be yours!

[Cosmosmom]

could you sit down and write out the budget and show it to him? It really helped me since I am not the one who pays the bills.
It is stressful to buy a house and think about everything that goes along with it. We were so back and forth on the whole thing for years and made all sorts of pro/cons list. And than I was supposed to pick between house and adoption and picked the house...and not even a year later I'm back on adoption (which annoys him and he was saying he was feeling tricked...though he knows not to say it anymore after a few meltdowns this month including a dozy on new years eve....so we are back on once the money is in place).

when do you see the mortgage broker? Could you also try the credit union? I would almost think that there would be one as part of your job....do you know what your credit scores are?
I think that is the biggest thing for getting approval....credit scores/what you make/and what other kinds of debt do you have.

I know nothing of your areas...but that sounds like you are open to a pretty big area for house hunting....just try to not fall in love with homes too much until you know it's going to be yours!

[Gwenn]

DH just told me on skype he is taking an online music appreciation class, not for credit, to see if maybe he wanted to take that for credit. Since my mother had a music degree, I was brought up reading music and playing and majored in music myself although I later changed my major.

So DH started telling me that all these terms were difficult and confusing for him. Then he says he likes music without melody. Like Ravel and Debussy.

I was thinking Ravel? and Debussy? No melody? So just to make sure I wasn't crazy, I found some Debussy on You-Tube, the song he was talking about, and listened again. Definitely a melody. So I point out that there is very clearly a melody.

And he says, "No, there's no beat at all."

I had to point out that "beat" and melody are COMPLETELY different things!!!

Sometimes I wonder how DH and I ever ended up together. We seriously have almost nothing in common.

[3andMe]

Chrissy, I think it's hard when you are the main person in charge of most of the household finances and/or household decisions. Then when when you make a major decision like buying a house, you (who has been making all of the decisions and carrying all of the weight the whole time) without any warning, suddenly not only are you getting input, but completely unexpected, out-of-left-field, sort-of-uninformed, and certainly-not-in-complete-accordance-with-what-you-would-have-chosen input. But of course it happens with the major decisions, because that's when it becomes more important and the whatever, I don't care, she can paint the bathroom pink if she wants attitude (while quite nice to have sometimes in a dh) steps back and the more important things like I might live in this house 20 years or more and I want to make sure the roof lasts and my neighbors don't suck attitude takes precedence. Also nice, although it can be a little jolting if you don't expect it and were hoping to just have everything go exactly the way you planned.

[3andMe]

Mandy, the cool thing is that he liked the music, even if he didn't know the terms. And now he's going to learn them. It sounds like you've had several frustrating skyping sessions in a row, or maybe I've just heard about some bad ones, but I know you have to have things in common with him. It doesn't have to be a shared knowledge, though, and in fact different knowledge bases can give you more fodder for conversation in times to come. Things in common can be shared ideologies, interests, hobbies, attitudes, desires, appreciations, tastes, leisure activities, etc.

Did I ever tell you guys how my dh refused to date women who were not atheists? He wouldn't even date agnostics, because they were too wishy-washy, in his opinion. And then he decided to narrow down the field and only date scientists, and then only hard scientists because 'soft' sciences weren't as analytical (here's a little shout-out to Maggie). Anyway, I guess I was kind of wandering off topic there. I'm just saying you can have a lot in common and still not be completely compatible.

But anyway, I don't share a ton of my dh's interests. He gets freakishly annoyed that I don't like the same tropical fruits that he does, and I think he takes it as a sign that we are not completely compatible. But we both love traveling, we both like to try new things, we both like to play "diagnose the mental disorder" (without judgment) on random people on public transit, we both share similar philosophies about things from giving back incorrect change to the death penalty and we try to encourage each other to be better people. We both enjoy risk taking behavior, although he thinks I follow the rules too much and I think he follows them too little. I could look at us and outline a zillion things we don't have in common, but find so many ways, big and little, in which we do connect. What I emphasize at the moment probably depends on how close I'm feeling right then, too.

[Gwenn]

we both like to play "diagnose the mental disorder" (without judgment) on random people on public transit

First let me say that it's really a shame we don't live near one another. We would have a lot of fun together! :laugh:

Seriously, though, thanks for your response. We don't have a lot in common but to a certain extent we have shared values (not completely true but more often than not) and interests. And we do love a good debate, and frequently find ourselves on different sides!

Like many of us do, I think I tend to post more negative than positive. I wasn't really frustrated in a sense that I'm upset with him - it's more just it threw me and really made me think for a second how different we really are. He's been a way a long time and living without him has become the norm, which is really affecting the way I think about my life right now and I don't think that's a good thing. There's more I could say on that subject but I don't think I want to right now.

But that said, I haven't posted many of the positives. Like last night we had a fabulous 2 hour chat and since we stayed on the subject of music we are both familiar with we had a rousing good debate that we both love. And I didn't mention the part about how I told him had seen an ad for a limited edition celebrity book written by the celebrity - a collector's item - and I would have loved to have it if it weren't so incredibly expensive. He went and found a copy of it on ebay. He teased me about bidding on it, and I teased back, and then he seriously went and checked our savings account (we've been saving for a kitchen remodel so we have some money set aside) and seriously encouraged me to bid on it because he knew I would love it. I won't - it's way too expensive and I can't justify it - but I absolutely adore him for telling me it would be okay with him to do that.

I guess it's just easier for all of us to complain sometimes than to share the joys.

[3andMe]

No problem, I just wasn't sure if you were venting or if you were really worried about it.

Remember, my brain is still a little swollen, too. I'm lucky I'm making any sense.

[The10Eels]

I confess my mom is watching Sarah Palin's Alaska, and it is really annoying me for three reasons -
1 - It makes me miss AK, SOOO much..
2 - Its Sarah Palin...
and 3 - Kate Gosslin is on there right now camping AK style and is doing nothing but complain.. I just wanna shoot the danged tv

[AmeriBrit]

I've had a week of little sleep and I feel AWFUL. I'm putting the sides back on Travis' crib tonight to see if that helps him to get back to sleeping better. As soon as we took them off, he stopped sleeping through the night and is up 2 to 5 times a night....probably won't help but I'm desperate to try anything.

[Bridget]

OMG Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin on one tv show would make me want to poke my eyes out!

Chrissy, I am sorry that Rich is being difficult. They say that buying a new home is one of the more stressful things a couple can do.

Gwenn, :hugs: For sure we shared the bad more than the good around here. I know I do. Especially when it comes to dbf.

Lydia, you always give really great advice.

I had dinner with my dad last night. I think I have told you guys how much him and my mom love the church they've been attending pretty much since they found out my brother was gay. They were really attracted to the way the church gave back to the community and have donated quite a bit of money. I don't have numbers but my dad is beyond generous so I'm sure it's been a substantial amount even since my mom died. Last night he expressed to me that for various reasons he is starting to have nagging feelings that they are sort of milking him for more money and that sometimes he wonders if the pastors have "befriended" him (they go to lunch with him sometimes, etc) because of his donations as opposed to just his simple need for companionship after my mom's death. Example being they asked for more money because one of the pastors wants to go on sabbatical and the church cannot currently afford to pay his replacement. Well....sorry but really? If the church cannot afford it then he doesn't go. His first obligation is to his congregation is it not? Would Jesus milk his flock for more money so he could take a spiritual journey?:ohno:
It made me so upset to hear that he's having these thoughts. I am very, very skeptical of churches in general and was hoping for him that this one was different. I want to put my dad in a bubble and never let anyone hurt him. I want to punch that church in the face if they are taking advantage of his kindness.

[Bridget]

Myles! I love your new siggy too! And, yes, if you were my neighbor in Hawaii that would be beyond lovely. :wub:

[AmeriBrit]

Bridget, are they just asking your dad or everyone in the church for money? I wouldn't like that either. My mom gives quite a bit of money to her church for people to do missionary trips but I guess that's different since they go to help poor people.

[missychrissy]

Chrissy, I think it's hard when you are the main person in charge of most of the household finances and/or household decisions. Then when when you make a major decision like buying a house, you (who has been making all of the decisions and carrying all of the weight the whole time) without any warning, suddenly not only are you getting input, but completely unexpected, out-of-left-field, sort-of-uninformed, and certainly-not-in-complete-accordance-with-what-you-would-have-chosen input. But of course it happens with the major decisions, because that's when it becomes more important and the whatever, I don't care, she can paint the bathroom pink if she wants attitude (while quite nice to have sometimes in a dh) steps back and the more important things like I might live in this house 20 years or more and I want to make sure the roof lasts and my neighbors don't suck attitude takes precedence. Also nice, although it can be a little jolting if you don't expect it and were hoping to just have everything go exactly the way you planned.

I'm sure there's a lot of truth to that, but I'd be ok with his input about the what-if's if it weren't always in a negative context. Like when I was discussing our top limit of what I felt comfortable spending, then quickly said, "But of course we don't know how much we'll be approved for" he piped back with, "Yeah, Chad just got approved for 70,000."

It was as if he really thought that's all we'd get approved for. Chad is young, single, has no credit history, and makes just what my husband does. I make more than my husband...we'll get more than 70,000.

If he keeps it up, I'm going to give it all to him and just let him deal with it. He can call the Realtor and mortgage broker himself.

[missychrissy]

Bridget, I find that appalling and it does sound like they've befriended him more for their own financial gain than just to be a friend.

Unfortunately, most churches do operate like that. If you don't have money, sure they'll help, but the ones they're 'buddy buddy' with and going to lunch with are the ones with the money and the generosity. It's sickening. :(

[daylilies]

He gets freakishly annoyed that I don't like the same tropical fruits that he does

I'm sorry but I can't stop laughing. :laugh:

[daylilies]

I also wanted to say to Chrissy about Rich's picking everything apart about the houses, is that he might not be 100% behind the decision. When I wasn't sure I wanted to buy a house I was pretty negative and resistant about it. Does he have any doubts about it that you know of?

I'm excited because I'm taking what's called a servsafe test soon. It's all about food safety and has a ton of information. I just finished the online class. I was stressing about studying, but when I found someone to proctor my exam I found out that she also helps you study! She has a 5 year old daughter and I'm taking Josh over there tomorrow to meet with her and Josh can have a playdate at the same time!
My former boss recommended her to me and she has been really nice through the few e mails we've exchanged and I'm really stoked that she does study sessions.
I made tacos for lunch and Josh is eating all the lettuce shreds off both our plates, LOL
I'm not a big fan of eating in front of the tv but I have to say he is a better eater when we do it!

[missychrissy]

How exciting Kate! I'm sure you'll do very well and Josh is going to have a great time!

I did ask Rich that very thing last night, and he assured me that he definitely wants to buy a house. Neither one of us have been keen on being renters, and he wasn't totally on board with my plan to move where we are now when I first suggested it. One of our mutual goals was to become homeowners as soon as possible again...so I'm not sure where all this animosity is coming from.

Except-it's possible that he resents me even talking to him about it. When I say that I make all the decisions, I make all the decisions. Constantly. After he agreed that moving out of our old house and filing chapter 7 would be beneficial to us, I did all the searching and was the one that went to look at our current house. He never even saw it till the day he went to sign the papers for it. I think the less he has to worry, the happier he is.

When we first moved here, we intended on renting with option to buy at the end of 3 years. After we were here for a little over a year, we both started feeling like it wasn't the place for us at all. Now I'm afraid of making another poor choice and I feel like I need his help with this decision, so I'm talking to him more about it.

I also think he's worried about getting his hopes up and then having the broker tell us she can't help us at this time. Neither of us have a clue what we'll do then, because the idea of spending another year here, in this school district, makes me sick.

[daylilies]

I know what you mean--DH always says I'm the one who is hard to make happy so I have to make a lot of decisions. And I hate making decisions! LOL
I've not always made the best choices, but I've found that even making a decision that doesn't turn out for the best is better than doing nothing. And I have to say that some of the mistakes I've made have turned out to be the most interesting stories :P

[missychrissy]

We both really want our next house to be 'it' for at least 30 years (till we retire). Depending on where the kids are and what our finances are, we will either sell that home and buy an RV (class A) or simply buy one outright and keep the house for summers and to leave to the kids.

As far as I know, we have the big things in our life planned out. If he's having second thoughts or wanting to try something else, I wish he'd just come out and tell me. Even if he's just considering something, I wish he'd say what it is.

[missychrissy]

Since we want to be there for 30 years, I feel a lot of pressure to pick a good one. :P

[Cosmosmom]

Mine's favorite word is "scared". He makes the money decisions usually but only to the extent if we can afford it or not. I do ALL the planning for everything. Even though he's super picky about decorating....I still did the planning and would narrow things down to my top couple choices and than see which he liked.

I'm still annoyed that he left house or adoption up to me and just said pick one. So I did....and now I'm picking the other. At least now we have a really nice cute house to put in the profile....before our townhouse was ok for a rental but yeah it wasn't all that cute.

So last night he caught a story on nightline before leaving about a young kid out of control because of bipolar disorder and was on lithium. Than they talk about how he was adopted as an infant.....OMG I try to usually hide "bad" adoption stories from him. So he leaves for work saying scared scared scared. And I have to try to go to sleep thinking that he is going to try to back out of our plans.
We talked when he got home this morning and he couldn't believe I lost sleep over that. He says he's not going to back out on me....that he was scared to get a house and woah look at that we are in our house. And he was scared to get married....and look at that, it will be 8 years this year.
He wants a kid, he's know I have always wanted one and we have always planned for one....and biological or not, I know he's going to be scared.

I already know that doing all the work for the adoption will be on me....he will sign his name and answer questions but I know I will be filling out the forms, doing the profiles, doing all the planning.

But he does clean the bathrooms! :)

[missychrissy]

But he does clean the bathrooms! :)
:laugh: That is so Rich! He's scrubbing our fridge tomorrow!

Adoption stories can be scary, but those that stem from medical conditions could happen to anyone. Sure, bipolar disorder can be genetically inherited, but there are plenty of people with that dx that have no family history of it.

[Cosmosmom]

Since we want to be there for 30 years, I feel a lot of pressure to pick a good one. :P
Just take your time and don't rush anything. Took longer to get a house than I had planned for but I'm glad I held out for what I really wanted. We basically plan to die in that house unless we HAVE to move for job reasons. We even decided that if we ever won the lottery, we would almost certainly would stay here and just upgraded a few things like kitchen counters and finished off the basement nicely.

I really think that you just get this feeling when you know it's it for you. I got the feeling when I walked into the house a few down on my street and since it was within our time frame (I had just signed a year lease at that point) and it was actually within our budget, we decided to build one pretty close to that one....if time hadn't been an issue or if there wasn't a lot available, I would have bought that one.

[Cosmosmom]

:laugh: That is so Rich! He's scrubbing our fridge tomorrow!

Adoption stories can be scary, but those that stem from medical conditions could happen to anyone. Sure, bipolar disorder can be genetically inherited, but there are plenty of people with that dx that have no family history of it.

I know. I mean at least we know what sort of conditions tend to run in our families so you have more an idea what to expect. But as far as we know only my sister and I have the skin condition in our families....so you don't ever really know.

But yeah if I was to get pg, I'm sure he would be scared about me dying in labor or something.
He's just NOT a risk taker (though he likes to gamble...but only set amounts he knows can lose) and tends to worry.
I'm the family optimist. :)

[AmeriBrit]

My druggy cousin has never been found. He was last seen on 4th Nov. He hasn't picked up any of his unemployment money, hasn't spoken to his ex-wife or any other person. It's not like him to just disappear, so it's looking like he either was killed or killed himself...my mom says the police aren't doing much to look for him. The last few times that my mom had seen him, she said he'd joke about going out somewhere to find a spot to hang himself. I'm really sad for my family, especially my aunt-she lost her youngest son when he was only 2 in an accident. :(

[daylilies]

My druggy cousin has never been found. He was last seen on 4th Nov. He hasn't picked up any of his unemployment money, hasn't spoken to his ex-wife or any other person. It's not like him to just disappear, so it's looking like he either was killed or killed himself...my mom says the police aren't doing much to look for him. The last few times that my mom had seen him, she said he'd joke about going out somewhere to find a spot to hang himself. I'm really sad for my family, especially my aunt-she lost her youngest son when he was only 2 in an accident. :(

Oh, that is so sad. Why aren't the police doing much to look for him? He has a family who needs closure.

[missychrissy]

My druggy cousin has never been found. He was last seen on 4th Nov. He hasn't picked up any of his unemployment money, hasn't spoken to his ex-wife or any other person. It's not like him to just disappear, so it's looking like he either was killed or killed himself...my mom says the police aren't doing much to look for him. The last few times that my mom had seen him, she said he'd joke about going out somewhere to find a spot to hang himself. I'm really sad for my family, especially my aunt-she lost her youngest son when he was only 2 in an accident. :(
:hugs: I was just wondering about that the other day, then forgot to ask. I'm so sorry.

[demigraf]

...when you are the main person in charge of most of the household finances and/or household decisions. Then when when you make a major decision like buying a house, you (who has been making all of the decisions and carrying all of the weight the whole time) without any warning, suddenly not only are you getting input, but completely unexpected, out-of-left-field, sort-of-uninformed, and certainly-not-in-complete-accordance-with-what-you-would-have-chosen input. ... Also nice, although it can be a little jolting if you don't expect it and were hoping to just have everything go exactly the way you planned.

I have a name for this. It's called The Swoop-and-Poop, and I don't get this just from my DH, but also from people I've worked with. It's when you do all the legwork and research on everyone's behalf, and they all have every opportunity to give their input when it would have been helpful and timely, and eased my workload. Instead they come in at the last second with their objections and never-seen-before criteria, making you have to redo what you spent so much time on and think is a done deal. Very frustrating!

[Gwenn]

My druggy cousin has never been found. He was last seen on 4th Nov. He hasn't picked up any of his unemployment money, hasn't spoken to his ex-wife or any other person. It's not like him to just disappear, so it's looking like he either was killed or killed himself...my mom says the police aren't doing much to look for him. The last few times that my mom had seen him, she said he'd joke about going out somewhere to find a spot to hang himself. I'm really sad for my family, especially my aunt-she lost her youngest son when he was only 2 in an accident. :(

I am so sorry. How heartbreaking for your aunt.

[demigraf]

My druggy cousin has never been found. He was last seen on 4th Nov. He hasn't picked up any of his unemployment money, hasn't spoken to his ex-wife or any other person. It's not like him to just disappear, so it's looking like he either was killed or killed himself...my mom says the police aren't doing much to look for him. The last few times that my mom had seen him, she said he'd joke about going out somewhere to find a spot to hang himself. I'm really sad for my family, especially my aunt-she lost her youngest son when he was only 2 in an accident. :(

I'm so sorry to hear that. I had an a friend who did hang himself in a state park. :( I truly hope we won't have that in common.

[Bridget]

My druggy cousin has never been found. He was last seen on 4th Nov. He hasn't picked up any of his unemployment money, hasn't spoken to his ex-wife or any other person. It's not like him to just disappear, so it's looking like he either was killed or killed himself...my mom says the police aren't doing much to look for him. The last few times that my mom had seen him, she said he'd joke about going out somewhere to find a spot to hang himself. I'm really sad for my family, especially my aunt-she lost her youngest son when he was only 2 in an accident. :(
:ohno: I'm so sorry.

[missychrissy]

My broker called when I was on the bus and I didn't hear the phone. She left a somewhat confusing message, but the gist of it is that she says our credit reports looked great and that we shouldn't have any trouble qualifying for a house in a certain range, maybe more depending on taxes. The amount she said is about 30,000 less than our current 1st choice so I'm not sure if we'll get that one, but the 2nd choice isn't a bad option and is definitely under the amount she quoted.

So now I guess we have to get an official qualification, but we're actually starting to look at houses! Rich was really relieved when I had him listen to that message. I suspect 1/2 of his negativity from last night was just fear we wouldn't be approved.

[Bridget]

Makes sense, Chrissy. Men are such scaredy cats and since they can't admit it, they just act like arses instead.
I'm excited for you guys!

[Gwenn]

Rich was really relieved when I had him listen to that message. I suspect 1/2 of his negativity from last night was just fear we wouldn't be approved.

I'm sure you're right.

Congrats on starting the home buying process again!

[3andMe]

All the secular news from my corner:

When we were at the Natural History Museum in Santa Barbara, Claire started crying because of all the extinct animals. She was really upset because they didn't exist any more, and wanted to know exactly why they died off.

Dh thinks Claire is a budding creationist, because she is insistent that people are not animals, whereas Ronin is perfectly willing to accept that people are one kind of animal.

My mom said that when she was babysitting the other day, some people came to the door with religious tracts, and she was able to distract them by showing them the spider in our window.

[Cosmosmom]

Chrissy, it might be a good idea to try going to a few banks too just to see what they would say. We went to four banks and got different responses from them....our own bank wouldn't even work with us with less than 20% down. The local credit union only asked for 10% down (since we were building, they all see it as a little bigger risk and it was more complicated because we had a construction loan and 3 closings). We had about 15-16% down. The PMI with the credit union was also about half of what the regular banks asked for.

We went with the credit union and even switched all our banking to them....we liked them THAT much better.

[missychrissy]

I'm doing all the financial stuff through the broker, that's why I contacted her. With a BK on our credit, I wanted someone with experience that could help us with this and I especially didn't want to go willy-nilly to a multitude of banks applying on my own.

She has years of experience and a great reputation. If she says we look like we're in great shape, I believe her. She has one particular loan program in mind that she says we're perfect for, so we're going to try that one first. We'll get prequalified first, and if I feel it's necessary I might shop around for a better rate somewhere else, but I'm not going to do it first and have a bunch of inquiries on my credit.

Lydia, :hugs: to Claire. How sweet of her to care so much for the extinct animals. She's right, it is sad.

[Bridget]

Lydia, Savana and Claire would be great friends. Savana started crying a few nights ago when she asked me if honey bees were endangered and I said yes. The only way I could comfort her was to promise her that in the spring we would go visit my bee keeper girlfriend so she could learn all about how to take care of them.

I am getting ready to order a homeschool kindergarten curriculum through the Waldorf Intitute. I noticed a few references to God in different forms when I looked through some of the sample pages. But on the questionnaire that I filled out to register it did specifically ask if I had any religious beliefs that I'd like to mention so that they could put together a curriculum that fits my family so I'm excited to see what they come up with. They are supposed to call me on Monday to discuss.

[daylilies]

That sounds awesome Bridget!
So I went to the woman's house to study for the servsafe test, and after we went over a few things she said "Okay so, I can set you up for the test here..." I panicked and stammered about not being prepared to take the test today. She basically talked me into it after we reviewed some more and I passed with flying colors. The class is ridiculously information-heavy, but the test is very common sense.
Josh had a great time with her daughter, plus she had a 3 month old girl who was adorable.

[Gwenn]

Congrats, Kate!!!

[3andMe]

Good job! I know you were nervous about it.

[The10Eels]

Woo hoo Kate!



I confess Audrianna must have crazy dreams like I do/did. She woke up screaming last night, "NO! DONT CLEAN MY ROOM!!"

[daylilies]

Thanks guys!
Josh has crazy dreams too. Sometimes he tells us about them and they're wild!

[missychrissy]

Yay Kate! That's fantastic!!


I confess Audrianna must have crazy dreams like I do/did. She woke up screaming last night, "NO! DONT CLEAN MY ROOM!!"
:laugh: That's funny!!

I had a dream that my boss decided we were going to start working for a manufacturing company. It didn't occur to me to say no, I just followed him there and started assembling parts...all the while hating his guts and being seething mad at him!

[missychrissy]

I confess that I'm feeling very overwhelmed. We have a lot to do. Tomorrow is going to be a big housecleaning day. It's always housecleaning day (the big stuff) but it's going to be more than normal because I have to box things up for Stanley Steamers on Monday. I'm having most the carpets cleaned.

We also have at least 2 houses to look at tomorrow, possibly 4 if we hear back from our agent in time tonight. Whew-I didn't think about the impact it would have on my life to leave and go looking at houses for an entire Sunday afternoon. I'm getting burned out just thinking about it.

[daylilies]

Oh, but it'll be fun! It was for us, anyway. It's fun to imagine your belongings, any changes you want to make, and just imagine living in this new space.

[The10Eels]

lol.. Kates comment about imagining any changes you want to make reminded me of watching House Hunters with B...

We both used to get so annoyed at people that would turn down a house because they didn't like the color the bedroom was... and we would both wind up screaming PAINT IT THEN! at the tv...

[daylilies]

Yeah...we have a room we affectionately call "the pink room"...yeah it's dark pink, with little white heart stencils all over it. It's our ironing/guest room. We're going to change it...someday...

[Bridget]

Our bedroom was orange/brown shag carpeting and when I tore off the jungle print wallpaper it was wood panels. Lovelay.
We changed every room in the house pretty drastically besides the bathroom and that's only because we ran out of money.
I love that we did it all ourselves because it makes it...ours.

[missychrissy]

I'm not looking forward to doing any work. We had that at our old house and frankly, after working all week the last thing I want to do is paint or worse...install laminate flooring. I'll buy a house that simply needs a few rooms repainted if everything else is perfect, but that is going to be the 'worst' I'll consider.

My realtor really came up with some great listings. We have an appointment to go look at this one tomorrow: http://www.trulia.com/property/3034701749-34-Goodrich-Rd-Owego-NY-13827 The only thing that needs is drywall put up in the attic!

Besides being lazy and not into remodeling, other people have better taste than I do. I couldn't come up with a nice color scheme if my life depended on it.

[Gwenn]

Chrissy, I love that house!

[missychrissy]

Me too. I'm really excited about seeing it. I know looking and imagining is fun, but I won't be having fun if I see a lot of work that needs to be done.

[Gwenn]

I enjoy house hunting, even if it isn't a house I think I'm going to want. It's always fun for me to just imagine what if.

[missychrissy]

We just got home from looking at 3 houses. The first one (linked in my previous post) is by far my favorite. The downside-there's an existing gas lease on it. I'm on the NoFrack side of the debate, but I realize too that if/when they start drilling in New York, everyone is at risk. So a part of me is saying that I may as well gain profit if they're going to do it...right? Ugh. The Realtor also said she's had people with immaculate credit (i.e. no bankruptcy) and a considerable amount down (more than we have) have been denied by lenders because many refuse to loan to gas-leased properties. Many of the biggest lenders in our area refuse.

The other two...meh. Can I say...what the heck do people do to their homes? Holy crow!! One started out as a tiny ranch and has been added on to all willy nilly to the point where the floor plan makes little sense. The rooms themselves were nice, but it didn't flow right for me. It also had an inground pool, which I'm not sure about. For me and the girls-woo hoo! Thinking about every time Conner is out of my sight and having an anxiety attack about it...ugh. Especially in that house where everything is so separate. It would be impossible to keep him in sight.

[missychrissy]

Oh-and I took a notebook with me with a page reserved for each house and my camera. Totally forgot about taking notes and pictures!!

[Cosmosmom]

Don't forget to call the gas and electric company when you find one you are serious about....they will tell you what the average summer/winter bills are.
I have to say that I was a bit shocked by my first real winter bill at my house....my last place was smaller and had a shared wall. And my house is all energy star rated with extra insulation and all new energy star windows and everything. But we had a REALLY cold December! I was expecting about 120 and it was 175. I keep it at 67 inside. I couldn't imagine had we gotten an older "character" house like some we looked at what the bill might have been.

[missychrissy]

We already have plans to ask for that information when we get to the point when we're ready to make an offer. I did that for every apartment I moved into too.

I'm so exhausted, I think mentally, that I actually napped. I have a lot of picking up and vacuuming tonight because the steam cleaners are coming tomorrow.

[daylilies]

I can't find the house you linked, Chrissy. Was it in another thread or this one? I'd love to see it.
I don't think we took any pics of houses until we were about to buy this one. I felt weird about taking pictures of other people's homes. We did take a lot of notes though.
I'm reading a book about defiant behavior and how to deal with it and I'm feeling very badly about it because I'm seeing that we've been going about it the totally wrong way.
It has a 10 day program with tips on dealing with the behavior, but I will probably take about 20 days, because I have to change basically all my approaches. :(
The worst thing is, not only do I have to retrain myself but I have to teach DH too!

[missychrissy]

Here it is Kate: http://www.trulia.com/property/3034701749-34-Goodrich-Rd-Owego-NY-13827

I wouldn't feel too bad about what's been done. The great thing is you realize that your approaches aren't working and you're looking for other solutions.

I just got a call from Jess's school. She's not there and never was, even though I dropped her off in front of the building this morning. Worse yet, another girl's mother was in the office because her daughter is also missing from school, and she told her that she'd spent the weekend with my Jess. I'm beyond angry and worried sick at the same time. Of course Jess isn't answering her phone or texts either.

Conner had his shots this morning. He did so well :wub: He didn't even cry. He got to pick 4 stickers and he chose all dinosaurs. I don't think he even looked at the other options once he saw them.

Stanley Steamer is supposed to be coming this afternoon and I have to move stuff out of the main rooms. I have a couple calls I have to make today...and all I want to do is get in the car and drive to Ithaca and find my daughter.

[daylilies]

Oh Chrissy! Keep us updated!

[missychrissy]

On a side note, because I need to be here or somewhere thinking of other things so I don't go crazy about Jess...Conner has had a couple bad dreams in recent weeks. Nothing spectacular or really abnormal-just about monsters coming in the house :( But he asked his Daddy why people have scary dreams. I was stunned and didn't know how to respond to that. Not sure what Rich did say.

He's also anxious about moving. He's recently started asking about it and even saying he doesn't want to move. First he said he didn't want to leave his toys. Then he said he didn't want to leave his sisters (priorities!). I've tried to reassure him every time he says something, but it makes me sad that he's so worried about it.

[daylilies]

The house is really cute--I like the kitchen (it's always the first thing I look at) and the yard is big!

[daylilies]

Aw, Connor's so cute. Maybe he's having dreams related to monsters in the house because he's worried about the new house. When Josh has a bad dream I tell him his imagination works when he's asleep.
Josh remembers where we lived before, a year and a half ago. He says "I didn't go to school when we lived there so we moved so I could go to school" LOL
For some reason he doesn't remember having a car while we were there, so he also thinks we moved so we could have a car.

[missychrissy]

:wub: Their reasoning and memories are so darned precious at this age.

Conner just asked me about my one boudoir pic last night. He asked if it was me and when I said yes, he asked what I was wearing. Not wanting to get into a discussion about lingerie with him at 1:00 am, I just said it was something to sleep in. He then deduced that I was at a 'sleep house' when that picture was taken and he said he misses me when I go to the sleep house. :lol:

[daylilies]

LOL
I've been reading about not putting your expectations too high for your child's age, and I was wondering what you and Bridget and any others with kids around Josh's age expect of them.
I read a particular anecdote about a father who was admonishing his daughter for leaving something behind at school and the next day he lost his keys :D

[daylilies]

I'm not sure how I ended up here, but I'm watching HGTV, and I dunno, but how would you feel about Vanilla Ice remodeling your home? LOL

[AmeriBrit]

Vanilla Ice is on Dancing on Ice here in the UK and is actually pretty good. Chrissy, have you heard from Jess?

[The10Eels]

Oh Chrissy! Thats so scary! I hope you hear from Jess soon!

[Cosmosmom]

Chrissy, hopefully they are just playing hooky and you hear from Jess soon.

[The10Eels]

I confess I bought a pair of Sketchers Shape Ups. I wore them to work my past two shifts (8 hours each) and just read this tidbit in the little booklet that came with the shoes.....


We recommend limiting your daily sessions to 25-45 minutes a day for the first two weeks, increasing your time in 5-10 minute increments.

oops.

[missychrissy]

I'm sure she's skipping and she's in so much trouble it's not even funny. I looked on our account and she sent/received texts from someone else at the time I first started texting her this morning so she's just ignoring me. She is so done.

[missychrissy]

I confess I bought a pair of Sketchers Shape Ups. I wore them to work my past two shifts (8 hours each) and just read this tidbit in the little booklet that came with the shoes.....



oops.
:D How are they? Do you think they do any good? Did your legs/butt hurt?

[The10Eels]

my calves ached the first day, and I am a little sore today but mainly just my feet.

I can tell that I have better posture in them, which is worth the cost for me.

[girlwonder]

wtf is wrong with these people?

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/01/westboro_baptists_thank_god_for_giffords_shooting_ will_picket_funerals.php

[Bridget]

Just pure evil.

Chrissy, have you heard from her yet? I'd be pacing like mo-fo.

[missychrissy]

wtf is wrong with these people?

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/01/westboro_baptists_thank_god_for_giffords_shooting_ will_picket_funerals.php

Just when I thought those people couldn't stoop lower. It's literally sickening to me that anyone could be so awful, much less a group of anyones.


Just pure evil.

Chrissy, have you heard from her yet? I'd be pacing like mo-fo.
No, nothing yet. I'm so anxious and I don't really know what to do. Right now I guess the only thing I can do is wait and see if she gets off the bus tonight, and if not...call the police?

[stash]

Sigh, I can't keep up in here because I'm never here anymore :(.

Oscar has recently decided that he's created everything. The universe, animals, people, it's all him with his superpowers. He seems to know he's just being a goofball and pretending, but it does beg the question of why is he pretending this? Because he doesn't know where everything came from and is creating answers.

Bah.

[daylilies]

I was hoping you would have heard from her now, Chrissy. I'm sure she's just playing hooky, like you said, but coming from a parent's perspective I don't know how kids can do that and not know or care that they're worrying their parents sick!
I had some of those shape ups, but that was before I realized I somehow went from a size 5 to size 6, and I thought the shoes were just that uncomfortable. LOL
They were weird to walk in, too.

[missychrissy]

I looked at her texting history and she's recently started texting someone from WA. I'm feeling really sick now. God I hope she comes home on the bus tonight.

[missychrissy]

Her phone is off now. Calls go directly to voicemail.

[Bridget]

Oscar is so creative, Stacy. Have you guys read any evolution books together? I should ask first if you believe in evolution.

I get annoyed every time I try to talk to dbf about how we will teach our children about different religions. He's just totally apathetic about it all. He's not very self reflective so I know he has no idea what he believes. But he gets annoyed with me when I tell Savana that heaven is not real because he says I'm not letting her decided for herself. Well, sorry, I'm going to tell her what I think. I also tell her what other people think. Of course now she's 5 so she's likely going to believe what I believe but eventually I'm quite sure she'll decide for herself. In the meantime what does he expect me to do? Tell her everything is real?

Oh, by the way Stacy, miss you around here. How's everything going?

[Bridget]

Her phone is off now. Calls go directly to voicemail.
Jesus, Chirssy. I can't imagine how you must feel right now. What the hell? I'm thinking about you non stop hon and I hope she gets off that bus too.
:hugs:

[The10Eels]

Do you as a family know anyone from WA? Does it show you numbers? I would be calling the person she was texting around the time you first tried calling and see if they know where she is...

[stash]

Chrissy, any chance she has a smartphone? GPS? I can find my DH via latitude anytime because of those settings. How scary.

Bridget, we believe in evolution and have talked to him about it. We've also talked about how quite simply, no one really knows.

[stash]

And Bridget, everything is going really well. I'm just so busy I can't see straight trying to balance work and kids.

[girlwonder]

Chrissy - I hope she comes home on the bus. I'm anxious for you - I can't imagine how anxious you must be.

[Cosmosmom]

What time does the bus come in?

[demigraf]

Chrissy - :comfort:

[demigraf]

Regarding how we teach our kids about religion, I'm gonna have a hard time keeping DH sharing some of his bitterness about religion with them. He is still very upset about being forced to be an altar boy and go to church "as long as you're in our house". And he never had the comparative view of religions that I got. So I'm at the point where I think religions are kinda neato from a historical perspective, whereas he only sees them as oppressive. I guess we're both right.

[stash]

Yeah and see, I don't tell Oscar what other people believe. Because quite honestly, I think if it's religion - it's a total crock of **** and not based in reality. And I don't want him hearing it until he's old enough to process information with a good basis of truth and logic. When I explain myths, gods, etc. I explain them in context of superheros and cartoon shows. It's all equivalent to me.

[missychrissy]

Oscar is so creative, Stacy. Have you guys read any evolution books together? I should ask first if you believe in evolution.

I get annoyed every time I try to talk to dbf about how we will teach our children about different religions. He's just totally apathetic about it all. He's not very self reflective so I know he has no idea what he believes. But he gets annoyed with me when I tell Savana that heaven is not real because he says I'm not letting her decided for herself. Well, sorry, I'm going to tell her what I think. I also tell her what other people think. Of course now she's 5 so she's likely going to believe what I believe but eventually I'm quite sure she'll decide for herself. In the meantime what does he expect me to do? Tell her everything is real?

Oh, by the way Stacy, miss you around here. How's everything going?

It's true that many kids will go on their own quest at some point in their life, regardless of what their parents teach/tell them. I think it's totally fine to tell them what you believe and know. Maybe she'll always believe like you do, but maybe she won't.

Bobbie and Jessica went to Church regularly as little girls. Jessica has been an Atheist forever. Bobbie has believed in everything from Wicca to Buddhism. She really wants to believe that there's 'something' out there, and that's ok. We have many interesting talks about it. It amazes me what she's picked up about other religions. Whether she believes in them herself or not, she has an excellent understanding of the various cultures associated with those religions and I believe it makes her more accepting and tolerant. Nothing wrong with that.


Do you as a family know anyone from WA? Does it show you numbers? I would be calling the person she was texting around the time you first tried calling and see if they know where she is...

Absolutely no one in or near WA. I can't think of anyone we know west of PA except ShannonG. The two numbers she was communicating with earlier won't respond. The school has been trying all day as well because they have 3 'missing'. They don't know if they're related or not...one likely isn't, and the other is only suspected to be related to Jessica's absence because she told her mom she stayed with us.


Chrissy, any chance she has a smartphone? GPS? I can find my DH via latitude anytime because of those settings. How scary.

No, I don't have smartphones with those capabilities on their phones. The only thing they have is the 911 locater that I made them all have turned on in case they were abducted. Jesi is smart enough though that she'd know how to turn that off if she were trying to hide from me. That might be why her phone is turned off now. :(


What time does the bus come in?
5:15. It's going to be a long hour and a half. I'm really starting to feel like I'm losing my composure.

Intellectually, I know kids do this crap all the time. But as a mother, I cannot shake the rock in my stomach and it's growing bigger by the minute.

I have a plan with an administrator from the school that if she does not get off the bus, then I will email him and he will call the police. I will meet him there. I can't believe I just typed that out.

[missychrissy]

Regarding how we teach our kids about religion, I'm gonna have a hard time keeping DH sharing some of his bitterness about religion with them. He is still very upset about being forced to be an altar boy and go to church "as long as you're in our house". And he never had the comparative view of religions that I got. So I'm at the point where I think religions are kinda neato from a historical perspective, whereas he only sees them as oppressive. I guess we're both right.
That's rough. I can't really blame him for having that attitude. I probably would too. :(

[demigraf]

I confess to only one complaint so far about the new office environment, and it’s so minor and yet kinda still bugging me. I took the train in this morning with a roll-aboard suitcase filled with meals and snacks and produce for the week, after paying $10 freakin dollars for basically a pound of organic lettuce with a boiled egg and a few tomatoes and cheese on it last week. I was really excited to have all this yummy stuff with me at work, and made my own poppyseed mustard dressing last night. Anyway, the admin on our floor gave me a hard time about taking up too much room in the fridge/freezer, saying that 200 people have to share it, and imagine if everyone brought in a week’s worth of food. (Nevermind the fact that she was annoyed that she needed the space to store a big shipment of communal stuff from Costco). She’s right, of course, but maybe – if there are 200 people on the floor - there should be extra fridges and freezers for people like me who don’t want to eat out every day in downtown $$$an Francisco, and want to keep a stash of groceries on hand. I used to have no problem with keeping this much food at work on other jobs. I guess I’ll just have to start packing a lunch every day. Bummer. I did meet a woman in the kitchen who said there are 2 farmer’s markets a week, which is cool, but I’ll bet they’re overpriced too.

[Cosmosmom]

I'm lucky I guess in that DH and I have pretty similiar views....we are both agnostic and the principles of the UU church are pretty easy to believe in and strive for..... In fact I first started going to church when we first were about to try to get pregnant over four years ago because I wanted to have that sense of community and the ability for our child to explore various religions.

The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

[missychrissy]

We have a dorm fridge in our office (the taller one) and it's just for two people. But it sounds like they're energy conscious enough that that idea would go over like a lead balloon where you work.

[Cosmosmom]

I think that probably most of us have pulled some kind of crap on our parents while in high school....except we didn't carry phones so our parents wouldn't have that option to try to get ahold of us.

Do you think she might have told Bobbi anything? Or maybe another friend?

[Cosmosmom]

I bring a lunch every day and just use an ice pack in my lunch box. I have to admit though that if I couldn't get DH to pack it up in the morning for me, I would not be so good about bringing it.
Helps to have it too when trying to lose weight since my home lunches are awfully healthy compared to what I would pick up in the cafeteria at work.

[demigraf]

The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

I can get behind all that. :) This type of information on the UU sparks my interest in it time and time again. I would like to check out a ... what's it called? a service? a mass? one day. I still have a mental block with the term "church", I have to admit. I associate that word with boredom, mindless regurgitation and heavy obligation. That was my experience anyway.

[Cosmosmom]

I can get behind all that. :) This type of information on the UU sparks my interest in it time and time again. I would like to check out a ... what's it called? a service? a mass? one day. I still have a mental block with the term "church", I have to admit. I associate that word with boredom, mindless regurgitation and heavy obligation. That was my experience anyway.
I wasn't raised with religion so I call it church and don't have the negative associations with it. And I think I usually hear it referred to as a service. I think that I really like going once I can haul myself out of bed and dressed early enough on Sundays. We were just starting to get involved five years ago when we moved. There was one in our new city and I have been going off and on for the past four years. The minister they had was retiring and there was an interim one for two years and this fall we finally got a full-time one and I think that I like her. Still not ready to join though am trying to go more days than not. DH doens't like the singing so he doesn't come with me that much...I like the singing and told him he doesn't have to sing. Tends to be songs about love and peace and nature.
Pretty much everyone there has a different background and different beliefs...but yet I get a sense of community that is really nice and respect for each other. I really like the learning aspect and I like the being able to question aspect. I might just end up joining one of these days if I can make it to service more often than not!

[daylilies]

Chrissy, I wish I could be there with you to wait with you. It must be agonizing.
Re: the UU talk, I went again last week to a service (they're called services, demigraf) for the first time in a month. I have a hard time dragging myself out on Sunday, even though the service isn't until 10:30. But I felt like I should keep Josh going, so he can stay connected to the class and the kids in it, and I should go for myself too. I was glad I did, but I was a little ambushed at the end by the minister trying to introduce me to some new members who are from the town I live in. I do not do well talking to new people on the spot.
I know church is an icky word for some people, but I grew up in a UU church, so I don't mind using it.

[Cosmosmom]

It's going to be hard to get to church this sunday....last forecast I saw had us at a high of 1 and that will probably come later in the afternoon. So I'm thinking probably at least -10 in the morning.....

Chrissy thinking of you....keep checking the clock and looking for the announcent that she was on the bus and is very grounded or whatever you do.

[The10Eels]

I keep checking in hoping to see that Jess is safe and sound at home...

[Bridget]

I keep checking in hoping to see that Jess is safe and sound at home...
Me too.

[missychrissy]

Nothing yet. One bus went through, but we've had 2 short buses on occasion because our big bus has been broken down. Rich is waiting to see if there's a 2nd short bus or not. Another bus will come about an hour later. I don't know how much more I can stand.

[girlwonder]

worried for you

[AmeriBrit]

Hoping she turns up soon!

[Bridget]

:pace:
:hugs:

[demigraf]

Hang in there, Chrissy! :comfort:

[daylilies]

Waiting for an update also!

[missychrissy]

She wasn't on the 5:15 bus. Maybe she'll be on the 6:15 one. If not, I'm going to the police station.

[daylilies]

Oh man! I hate that you have to do this. I'm sure she's fine but I think she'd be grounded until she was 25 if she were mine.