Secular Confessions

[daylilies]

Well you'll just have to wear them again ;) Have you done garters before? I think they're such a PITA. LOL

[missychrissy]

I'm just going to do it. I'm not obligated to buy anything...I just hope for 1 decent enough shot that I can have printed and framed. If Rich behaves, it'll be his Christmas present. If not, it'll be something for me to look back on when I'm an old lady.

[missychrissy]

Well you'll just have to wear them again ;) Have you done garters before? I think they're such a PITA. LOL

Yeah, if I get an opportunity I guess I will wear them. I sleep naked though..and not for sex reasons. I just cannot stand to have clothing on me when I sleep.

I've never worn garters before. One of the things I bought from Victorias Secret has hooks attached to the bottom for the thigh highs, so I'll get an experience of some sort with them.

I figure with the other ones, I can have pics taken of me putting them on maybe.

[stash]

What's with the accidental ballet? I have Oscar in "creative movement," which is basically twelve little girls in froofy dance gear and him in his sweats and t. He adores it. It's on purpose.:winks:

[daylilies]

Just have fun with it! If anything, you can show them off to us :P

[missychrissy]

Just have fun with it! If anything, you can show them off to us :P

:winks:

Maybe.

[daylilies]

LOL Stacy!
I think Josh has a little girlfriend at school, but apparently she's in high demand--He says, "A lot of people love Ava Rose" LOL

[Bean]

How cute!! Today Lorelai said "mommy, I miss _____" (an adorable little boy from school). I said "oh, was he gone today?" She said yes, that he was at Disneyland. I said wow, how fun, yadda yadda yadda and she said "I just love _____. He's so cute!" :laugh:

[rhiannasmoms43]

What's with the accidental ballet? I have Oscar in "creative movement," which is basically twelve little girls in froofy dance gear and him in his sweats and t. He adores it. It's on purpose.:winks:
Accidental only because this style of dance doesn't suit his basic nature. Ballet is control and rules and Gage...well...I thought it was just a good intro to the Drama Class (singing, dancing, acting) that he will be joining next season when he hits 4.

Chrissy...you don't wear lingerie to SLEEP in...

Bridget, I think it is time to ex-friend this prepubescent boy.

[stash]

Ah... yeah, I guess our class isn't really ballet. They do some of that, but mostly movement exercises. Oscar really wants to tap dance, but the only class is run by a bunch of women that I find irritating at best.

[midgeend]

You all have me in stitches with your accidental ballet and talk of number of children resulting from number of times you've had sex. That reminds me of that Monty Python movie, where the protestants only had sex the two times they needed to have it for their two children :laugh:

I need to put Annie in gymnastics soon. I didn't get her in the first session this year, which was stupid. She really needs it.

[daylilies]

Josh's preschool has gym class every Friday. Josh's teacher's name is Mr. Capello, but Josh calls him Mr. Piccolo. :)

[3andMe]

There was a little girl at the playground the other day wearing a princess dress. Claire played with her for a while, and then talked about her after we left, saying that her friend was a princess.

[AmeriBrit]

There was a little girl at the playground the other day wearing a princess dress. Claire played with her for a while, and then talked about her after we left, saying that her friend was a princess.

That's cute! I keep seeing little boys in the super market and out about with spider man/buzz lightyear type costumes on and it makes me smile...they must pick what they want to wear. I let Travis pick what he wants to wear most of the time but here lately all he wants to wear is his Lightning McQueen t-shirt!

[missychrissy]

I can't see Conner following instructions through a class. AnnieEek signed Henry up for fencing classes...I need to ask her how he's doing with that. She posted pics of him on Facebook and he was just too dang cute!

[stash]

Oscar has a randomly decorated cape that he often wears out, along with mardi grad beads and a masquerade mask. He calls himself atctr (no clue) or nonsequitor-man (thanks, dad).

[The10Eels]

You all have me in stitches with your accidental ballet and talk of number of children resulting from number of times you've had sex. That reminds me of that Monty Python movie, where the protestants only had sex the two times they needed to have it for their two children :laugh:

I need to put Annie in gymnastics soon. I didn't get her in the first session this year, which was stupid. She really needs it.

"Every sperm is sacred........." lol I love Monty Python!!


I can't see Conner following instructions through a class.
I can't see Audri doing it either, but I need to get her into dance or something.. with as much as she loves it. and maybe she would take direction/instruction better from an adult that was not mom or grandma...

[AmeriBrit]

Travis makes me laugh with the things he says...he picks up EVERYTHING we say and repeats it a lot. Today when Cash started fussing in the car, he turned to him and said, "It's otay, baby boy..it's otay..." LOL

[Bridget]

I was really urging Kai to join dance when Savana did and first he was down with it until he realized we couldn't be in the room with him. He said he's not ready for stranger teachers yet. :laugh:

I am buggin out right now because the woman I've been communicating with about helping me out in my daycare when I have the baby just emailed me and said her situation has changed and she won't be able to do it. BUGGER! I need to find someone.

[missychrissy]

Boy Bridget nothing is easy for you is it? I'm sure something will work out, but goodness knows you don't need the extra stress right now.

[AmeriBrit]

I confess that I love love love my in-laws. We live next door to them and I wouldn't have it any other way. Is that tacky?

[daylilies]

I confess that I love love love my in-laws. We live next door to them and I wouldn't have it any other way. Is that tacky?

No, I think that's awesome! We live a couple minutes away from my inlaws but I don't love them. LOL
Today a couple of Mormon missionaries came to my church class and talked to us. It was very interesting and informative. I thought the kids were going to be withdrawn and not have any questions but they had quite a few great questions. The missionaries were very nice and respectful towards our views--I don't know why I was expecting them to come in and be all judgemental but they weren't at all.

[daylilies]

Okay guys, I have figured out what the major problem is, I think. I feel like I'm having an identity crisis or something. I feel like that when I'm away from DH and Josh, I know what I want to do and who I want to be, but I feel like DH brings out the worst in me and this past year with Josh has brought out parts of myself that I really hate as well (impatience, quickness of temper, to name a couple) I don't really know how to overcome this and be the person I want to be when I seem to react so quickly (and poorly) to the things I don't like about DH and Josh. DH is just always cranky now, he snaps at me and is short with me, I come home from church wanting to talk about my class and he doesn't ask me about what I did, so I don't feel like he wants to know. I sit and feel sad about that and then he wonders why I don't want to talk. I want to do things, I want to help people and be looked at as a good person in the community, at my church and with Josh's school, but I don't know how to achieve this position in life when it seems like the two most important people in my life just bring out the worst in me and nobody particularly wants to be friends with me because I tend to not have much to say and I don't do anything with myself so I don't have a lot to contribute to any conversation about hobbies or politics or the things grown ups talk about.
How can I get past the negativity I sense at home and rise above it?

[missychrissy]

I confess that I love love love my in-laws. We live next door to them and I wouldn't have it any other way. Is that tacky?

No, not tacky at all. I really hope to have good relationships with my children and their partners. Sometimes I read the stories people post online about their 'awful' inlaws, and I wonder to myself how those people will be when their precious baby is an adult and dating someone.


No, I think that's awesome! We live a couple minutes away from my inlaws but I don't love them. LOL
Today a couple of Mormon missionaries came to my church class and talked to us. It was very interesting and informative. I thought the kids were going to be withdrawn and not have any questions but they had quite a few great questions. The missionaries were very nice and respectful towards our views--I don't know why I was expecting them to come in and be all judgemental but they weren't at all.
That's great that they were non-judgmental and open about their beliefs.

Today was my 'photoshoot'. I got some good ones. It was really difficult to pick just 4, but that's all I could really afford today. There are 6 others I hope I can purchase before Christmas. It was actually really fun and I wasn't self conscious at all. The hair/makeup girl has actually modeled, and she hung around and helped me out quite a bit. She even had some suggestions for the photographer that came out great.

I ended up having to tell Rich what I did though because he saw the tag for my 'sleepware' in the bathroom garbage. It was totally by accident...the dog knocked the can over and he was picking it up. Because we'd been fighting and he had a feeling I was up to something today, he did go looking for my 'sleepware'. He didn't find any (of course, 'cause it was with me) so he asked me about it when I got home. Rather than try to be clever with a lie that he wouldn't believe and create more problems, I told him he was a sh!t and that I was out having pics done for him for Christmas. :D He said he was sorry and wished he hadn't seen the tags and that he didn't want any more detail than that. I won't even let him see the lingerie till after he sees the pics.

So I'm a little disappointed that he knows, but I couldn't have lied to cover up the sleepware tag. I'm sure it would have created more problems if I'd tried.

[missychrissy]

Okay guys, I have figured out what the major problem is, I think. I feel like I'm having an identity crisis or something. I feel like that when I'm away from DH and Josh, I know what I want to do and who I want to be, but I feel like DH brings out the worst in me and this past year with Josh has brought out parts of myself that I really hate as well (impatience, quickness of temper, to name a couple) I don't really know how to overcome this and be the person I want to be when I seem to react so quickly (and poorly) to the things I don't like about DH and Josh. DH is just always cranky now, he snaps at me and is short with me, I come home from church wanting to talk about my class and he doesn't ask me about what I did, so I don't feel like he wants to know. I sit and feel sad about that and then he wonders why I don't want to talk. I want to do things, I want to help people and be looked at as a good person in the community, at my church and with Josh's school, but I don't know how to achieve this position in life when it seems like the two most important people in my life just bring out the worst in me and nobody particularly wants to be friends with me because I tend to not have much to say and I don't do anything with myself so I don't have a lot to contribute to any conversation about hobbies or politics or the things grown ups talk about.
How can I get past the negativity I sense at home and rise above it?

:hugs: I'm sorry you're feeling so down. Have you thought about counseling? I wish I had some wisdom to share, but unfortunately I know what it's like to have the worst of you happen at home. :( I think finding things outside the home that make you happy can help, and it seems like you've been doing that. Don't be hard on yourself. :hugs: again.

[stash]

I think it's cool that Rich knows. Creates more suspense. That's sexy. :winks: :P

[daylilies]

Thanks Chrissy. I am in counseling--we tried couples counseling but DH's work schedule is so weird, we could never find a time that worked for all of us, plus the two therapists we tried just ended up wanting to see me anyway (I think I mentioned that before)
With all due respect I don't think it makes sense to just try to find things outside of home that make me happy. I want to be happy at home too. A lot of people have told me to just try to fill my life with other things and I just don't think that fixes the problem as much as it just covers it up. I don't think that's fair to me or DH. (And I'm not trying to go off on you personally, I have just heard that so much, that I should look for other things to keep me busy, and it upsets me because dammit, I spend 95% of my time at home, and I want to be happy doing it! LOL
Too bad Rich found out...but I'm glad you're happy with the pics!

[missychrissy]

I think it's cool that Rich knows. Creates more suspense. That's sexy. :winks: :P

Yeah, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. For some reason I thought if he had a clue there wouldn't be any suspense. But instead, I feel so much better because he does know. I've never kept things from Rich and even though this was a 'good secret' it still felt awful making stuff up about what I was doing today.


Thanks Chrissy. I am in counseling--we tried couples counseling but DH's work schedule is so weird, we could never find a time that worked for all of us, plus the two therapists we tried just ended up wanting to see me anyway (I think I mentioned that before)
With all due respect I don't think it makes sense to just try to find things outside of home that make me happy. I want to be happy at home too. A lot of people have told me to just try to fill my life with other things and I just don't think that fixes the problem as much as it just covers it up. I don't think that's fair to me or DH. (And I'm not trying to go off on you personally, I have just heard that so much, that I should look for other things to keep me busy, and it upsets me because dammit, I spend 95% of my time at home, and I want to be happy doing it! LOL
Too bad Rich found out...but I'm glad you're happy with the pics!

I know what you're saying and I'm not offended. I just think it's good that you have found activities outside the home because so many in your situation don't do that and they end up internalizing everything. Even though it's only 5% outside the home, that's a little bit of 'you' so that's better than nothing.

I wish your dh had more time for marriage counseling. I cannot believe it's all 'you' and am a little irritated at the two counselors that seemed to want to focus solely on you. It seems unfair since marriages take 2 to make them work.

[daylilies]

I know :( I think her goal is to help me cope with the stresses that my home life bring me. She's done well helping me understand where Josh is coming from, and I get it when I'm talking to her, but it's a different story when I'm home alone and Josh is crying for the 5th time that day or DH isn't listening to me.

[Cosmosmom]

With all due respect I don't think it makes sense to just try to find things outside of home that make me happy. I want to be happy at home too. A lot of people have told me to just try to fill my life with other things and I just don't think that fixes the problem as much as it just covers it up. I don't think that's fair to me or DH. (And I'm not trying to go off on you personally, I have just heard that so much, that I should look for other things to keep me busy, and it upsets me because dammit, I spend 95% of my time at home, and I want to be happy doing it! LOL
Too bad Rich found out...but I'm glad you're happy with the pics!

I don't know Kate, I kind of agree with Chrissy. Of course this isn't 100% as some people do have truly awful situations or something like clinical depression. But in general, I believe that happiness is a choice and something that only have control over. And if you find things to do that you find fulfilling and make you happy, it can only help at home. Happiness is contagious and so is unhappiness. Even just at work, if someone in the group is really negative and unhappy...that can affect everyone. But when we all come in and at least try to be positive and smile....it's much different. We actually are really pushing smiling right now in our customer service at work...basically telling staff to smile at each other and smile when dealing with patients and visitors (situation appropriate of course).

I talk about this a lot with my bff.....I could be all miserable about the infertility. I mean the ONE thing I wanted in life was to be a mom since I was a kid. College was just something to do while waiting until the time was right. So 3.5 years of trying to get pg and no baby, not a single positive test in all this time. I have moments that hit me and have a huge pity party for myself...than I get over it and decide enough. I WANT to be happy. So I find things that I like to do and do them. I look at what things I can change and do that. and I make sure to keep realistic expectations so that I do not end up disappointed. I am the ONLY person who is responsible for my happiness.

[Cosmosmom]

Been a pretty sad weekend. On Friday I got the call that my favorite uncle had died. I knew time was limited with him but wasn't expecting it this soon. He was such a cool and interesting person and really loved my sister and I. I'm really glad that we got two see him twice for my birthday last month.

[Bridget]

Kate, I can't think of any advice to give you but wanted to send you hugs at least. I feel like you should keep searching for a counselor until you find one that suits your needs. But since I have no experience with it, maybe I'm wrong.
I remember telling my brother once that I wanted dbf and I to go to counseling just so he could have someone else tell him how wrong he is. My brother warned me that sometimes it goes the opposite way and they end up putting all the **** on the opposite person you'd think. As objective as they are, they simply cannot be without error.

It really isn't right that your dh acts so disinterested in the things you want to talk about. And that he snaps at you all the time. I don't think you can be expected to be happy in that situation. That is a lot of negativity for you to deal with and probably has a pretty big impact on your ability to be patient with Josh.

[daylilies]

I'm so sorry Jennifer :(
Thanks Bridget. I was wondering what your input would be since I know you have many issues with dbf but I really admire what you've been able to do with your life (great kids, a wonderful day care). It just seems like the negativity is so debilitating for me. I feel like it sucking the life and spirit out of me.

[Bridget]

Jennifer, I'm so sorry about your uncle. You've always talked highly of him and I know this is a big loss for you. :hugs:

Kate, it hurts my heart that you feel like your spirit is being sucked out of you.
For me, in spite of my problems with dbf, I am able to see the joy in my life. I've always been a very zen-like person (even before I'd ever heard the word). I take each moment as it comes and in the whole scheme of things, the joyful moments outweigh the spirit-sucking moments. (I have them too.)
Not to get all new-agey on you but have you heard of the book A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle? I read it while I was still living in Hawaii and had just had Kai and was feeling so alone and missing my family terribly. It was probably my lowest point. It lifted me.
I hope that's not super lame advice. I just wish I could think of something to help you.

[daylilies]

No, I haven't heard of that book. I'll look into it. Thanks!

[missychrissy]

It really isn't right that your dh acts so disinterested in the things you want to talk about. And that he snaps at you all the time. I don't think you can be expected to be happy in that situation. That is a lot of negativity for you to deal with and probably has a pretty big impact on your ability to be patient with Josh.

I totally agree with Bridget. While no one else can make you happy, imo it's part of his responsibility to be there for you. Listen to you and not snap at you.


I feel like it sucking the life and spirit out of me.
That just hurt me so bad for you. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

:hugs: Jennifer. :(

[daylilies]

The thing is, when it's bad, I feel like I could leave and be happy with leaving. But when I think about all the things I don't want to leave, and things I'd have to deal with if I left, such as working out custody, or finding a job, working out day care, or leaving this house that I love, or just having someone to come home to, or having to figure out how to live alone in the first place, it just seems like too much. I wish there were a way to know if it was worth it. I think it's time to read that book again, "Too good to leave, too bad to stay." MammaMia recommended it to me way back and I couldn't make a decision even having read it. Maybe it would just reinforce for me that things are not getting better (and probably aren't going to)

[missychrissy]

"Too good to leave, too bad to stay."
This sums up my marriage perfectly. I wish I knew when to say when because that's something I struggle with too. Rich had an awful week last week, thus we all did. He drank/passed out every night. It ended Thursday night with him barfing off the back porch in the pouring rain for 20 minutes. After he came in I looked at him and said sarcastically, "it doesn't look too good for us staying together does it?" He didn't say a word. He hasn't drank since and has been doing everything in his power to try and make me happy.

What he fails to understand is I'm so sick of this roller coaster ride, and I have little hope that he'll be able to stop drinking without help. Later, when I wasn't mad any more, I simply told him that I have no hope left. He said he didn't want to hurt and I told him that there wasn't really anything he could do to hurt me.

I know all marriages go through cycles, but this problem is more than just a 'bad spot' in our relationship. He has a problem and he's refusing to admit it. Looking back, these 'bad cycles' (i.e. his drinking binges) are coming along more frequently and lasting longer each time.

[Bridget]

I sure know what you mean about the roller coaster. Whenever dbf messes up really bad and I get really upset with him, he works his ass off to make it up to me. I'd rather have him mediocre all the time than one extreme to the other.

Tonight is my last shot at taking Savana to dance class. I really want her to do it. She was loving it so much. Today I let her run circle time and teach the other children how to do some of the moves that she has learned. It was so cool to watch her. She really took charge and was sweet and patient with the kids as they tried to mimic her. :wub:
So she's all for it at this point and even taking a nap. Finger crossed.

[daylilies]

Good luck Bridget!
DH and Josh and I have been bickering at each other all day. DH has just been rude and angry and he blames it all on me that I'm in a bad mood. He doesn't see that we are all contributing to the situation. He says "Why don't you go out and do your own thing if you're going to be like this. I'll ask for more overtime at work if this is what my days off are going to be like." Oh wah wah wah you poor thing. I'm at the end of my rope but it's poor you because you have to deal with me two days a week.
He's watching something on his computer and I heard the Harry Potter music and I said "is that the new trailer?" he turned around and said all exasperated like, "Whhaaaat?" And I repeated myself and he said No. Gee sorry to bother you.

[missychrissy]

Oh that's awful :( I'm so sorry. imo, it doesn't sound to me like the problem is you.

[AmeriBrit]

Sorry to all of you with relationship issues; I never chime in on them because I am useless at advice but I feel for ya all.

[missychrissy]

I just got off the phone with one of the professors and I can't tell you what's harder...debating life with a teenage know it all or talking a 60+ year old computer-challenged man through the Firefox installation process. To complicate things, he had an older version already installed that first needed to be removed (put in the trash) and I had to spend 15 minutes explaining how that part was necessary so we could start fresh with a clean install, and yes, he'd still be able to access the internet temporarily via Safari.

I love him-he's a great, nice, brilliant man. But boy...that was a lotta work!! lol

[missychrissy]

Sorry to all of you with relationship issues; I never chime in on them because I am useless at advice but I feel for ya all.
It's ok. At least for me, I'm not really seeking advice as much as I feel like I've found a safe place to let out all my darkest worries. Believe me, that in itself is such a relief and helps in unspeakable measure.

[AmeriBrit]

Cool. I didn't want y'all thinking that I don't care or something like that cos I do!

[Bridget]

Oh my god!! Savana's dance teacher just called and she hurt her back so she's cancelling class tonight. Jaysus, and she was set to go this time.

[daylilies]

Oh no Bridget!
I know you care, silverstar--it's okay that you don't have any advice. I think I'm just wishing someone could tell me it would be okay if I left.
Sometimes I wish I believed in a higher power for that reason--it would be so great to pray for something and get an answer.

[missychrissy]

:( I think if that's what you want to do, then you should. I know you would be ok.

[daylilies]

Well I need to talk to my therapist about the things I've said to you guys. It's just within the last few days that I've really put my finger on what exactly is wrong. I'm seeing her on the 30th.

[Bridget]

Savana brought me Kai's "nightime underwear" aka, diaper tonight and she had it all set up exactly how I do it with the soakers and such. There's a science to keeping this boy dry at night.:eyeroll:
I commented on how it was cool that she knew just how to do it and she said super fast and excitedly, "Oh, mama. I've been following you everywhere and watchin you all the time and I'm gonna know exactly what to do when our new baby comes. And when I have my own baby I am NEVER going to have to go to school to learn how to be mama because I learn everything from you. Mom!? Haven't you noticed that I follow you everywhere?"

Now that right there is one of those joyful moments that fill me right back up. :wub:

[patti_jim]

The thing is, when it's bad, I feel like I could leave and be happy with leaving. But when I think about all the things I don't want to leave, and things I'd have to deal with if I left, such as working out custody, or finding a job, working out day care, or leaving this house that I love, or just having someone to come home to, or having to figure out how to live alone in the first place, it just seems like too much. I wish there were a way to know if it was worth it. I think it's time to read that book again, "Too good to leave, too bad to stay." Maybe it would just reinforce for me that things are not getting better (and probably aren't going to)

All of this! This is my life:truce: It makes 5 years feel like a lifetime!!:ohno:


I think I'm just wishing someone could tell me it would be okay if I left.
Sometimes I wish I believed in a higher power for that reason--it would be so great to pray for something and get an answer.

It will be okay if you leave:comfort: Now can you tell me that, too?:indifferent:

And ESPECIALLY the bolded part:eyebrow: I was just having this discussion with my cousin last night. My SIL acts like the fact that I don't believe in "god" is a personal affront on HER. Yeah, like i'm going to purposely set myself out there as the local "godless freak". It's not as easy as waking up and deciding "I think i'm going to accept Jesus Christ as my savior today! Hooray for Christianity!" It would be so much easier to just BE "Godly" and believe:eyebrow: But I can't pretend to be something i'm not. I feel like i'm pretending to be happy all the time

*Sigh* Ok, i'm done my mini rant:headbang:

[daylilies]

*hugs* Patti. I'm sure it would be okay if you left, too.
That is too funny Bridget. "Haven't you noticed I follow you everywhere?" LOL

[Gwenn]

Big hugs to everyone in this thread. I've been there, too. It sucks.

And that's so cute about Savannah.

[The10Eels]

I think I'm just wishing someone could tell me it would be okay if I left.
Sometimes I wish I believed in a higher power for that reason--it would be so great to pray for something and get an answer.
I am not trying to tell you to leave, but....

It WILL be okay if you were to leave..

Look at me and my girls, and how sh!tty our situation was, and how far we have come in less than a year!

[The10Eels]

I confess I just took a trip down memory lane --

http://i513.photobucket.com/albums/t340/audribarnes/Oct19-mom015.jpg

[Gwenn]

Happy Birthday, Charlie! I didn't realize today was the day. Congrats! Both of your girls are just beautiful, Ashley.

I confess, more dog drama (http://www.americanpregnancy.org/forums/showthread.php?t=283064). I can't take this.

Oh, and just to round things all off, some creepy guy in the post office leered at me this weekend - actually leered. I could smell his BO from 5' away, too, just to add to the charm. And another creepy guy in Boston Market attempted to hit on me while I was looking at my cell phone and completely ignoring his attempts to make small talk. I don't know what rock these guys are crawling out from under. And I haven't heard from DH in 4 days and know it will be longer before I hear from him again.

[AmeriBrit]

Happy birthday, Charlie!

[daylilies]

Happy Birthday Charlie!
Sorry Gwenn :(
OH! I saw the most beautiful man the other day LOL
I was walking up to Panera with Josh and someone was holding the door for me. I was looking down at Josh and I looked up to say thank you. I looked up into the most gorgeous smile and sparkly blue eyes. *SWOON*
I don't see nice looking guys around here much. LOL

[Bridget]

Gwenn, :hugs:

Anybody seen Stash? I need Gus updates!

[stash]

Hi sorry! I've been lurking and not posting much. Gus is great, fat as a little piggy, and so pleasant it's.almost painful. He's nursing and making contented little sighs right now. :wub:

Bridget, how're things with your pregnancy? When're you due again?

[missychrissy]

Well I need to talk to my therapist about the things I've said to you guys. It's just within the last few days that I've really put my finger on what exactly is wrong. I'm seeing her on the 30th.

Good, I'm glad you're going to discuss it with her.

I remember going through a very unhappy period in my life and seeking help with a therapist. She was the one that asked me, "Are you always unhappy, or just when you're at home?" It wasn't until that moment that I realized I was unhappy only when I was with Rich. That was during the period when we broke up for about 11 months.

At least you were already aware of when your unhappiness was occurring. Rich had nearly had me convinced that it was me and that I was able to be happy away from home because I was faking it in front of other people. He didn't say that in so many words, but that's where my state of mind was at that time. I took 100% of the blame for everything.


I confess I just took a trip down memory lane --

http://i513.photobucket.com/albums/t340/audribarnes/Oct19-mom015.jpg

:wub: A year goes by so dang fast.

[missychrissy]

Conner talks more and more about getting a baby. He wants to get one on Saturday. He assures me that he will be a good big brother. :lol:

While I think it's about the cutest thing in the world, there's no way I'm having another baby. I can't tell him that though. I don't wanna break his heart. :wub:

[AmeriBrit]

Aw, Chrissy, that's so cute and bittersweet. I wasn't sure I wanted 2 kids until we had Travis and saw how much he loved other kids, so I couldn't deny him a little buddy. LOL. But 2 are enough for me. My Rich is going to get a referral for the big V soon...if he stops procastinating about it!

Gwen, your story reminds me of my sister...she seems to attract weird guys' attention...when she goes to WalMart alone, she's always getting offers for helping her to carry her groceries out, etc, by random guys...she hates that!

Stash, glad to hear things are going well! Have you posted any pics of Gus on here? Does he look like Oscar when he was a baby?

My update-my tendonitis is still bothering me and now I have an infection under my fingernail and that is throbbing like mad, too, so I just can't seem to win at the minute...and I'm trying to diet but me on a diet is the biggest oxymoron there is...I love food too much to lose weight...

[daylilies]

LOL silverstar! Right there with you on the diet thing! I've hit a wall, it seems, and I'm sliding back to my old ways of eating. Too much bready stuff, too much cheese and too much snacking at night. I'm afraid to weigh myself tomorrow. Fingers crossed...
Sorry about the infection, and tendonitis :(
Thanks Chrissy...I'm sorry Rich made you feel like it was just that you're unhappy everywhere. When I think about it, DH kind of says the same thing. And it's true I am generally a negative person but there are things that make me happy. It's just that DH tends to kind of bring it down a little bit. For instance he asked the other day if I wanted to take Josh to Chuck E Cheese with him and that would have been great for Josh but the only thing I could envision was DH getting impatient with Josh and I didn't want to deal with that. It was already a really bad day.
Can I ask you what happened when you two broke up? When was that? Did one of you move out and how did you handle taking care of the kids? How did you decide you were going to get back together?
DH makes me feel like all I'm into is new kids on the block and browsing my parenting website LOL and he says he can't possibly find anything in common with me in those parameters. I almost want to show him APA so he can see what we talk about and we could have discussions on those topics, but then he'd see all the crap I say about him :rolleyes:
I know there is more to me than that, it's just hard to explore my own interests when I have to basically entertain Josh all day!
Oh, and Josh has already told me a few times that he doesn't love me anymore. Is that normal for an almost 4 year old? I thought that phase didn't hit until much later. It breaks my heart. How do I react to that? I've tried to talk to him about it and I've tried ignoring it. Ignoring it usually makes him stop saying it. I'm sure he doesn't quite understand the gravity of what he's saying but I can't help but feel like it's because of all the stress around here. It's just awful.
Sorry for the long post...

[AmeriBrit]

I remember when I was about 6ih telling my dad that I hated him. I can remember so very clearly him saying "join the club" and the sadness in his voice when he said it...I don't think I ever said it to him again. It's just something kids say cause they know it's not nice but they don't really realize what they are saying, especially at 4! Travis is only 2 1/2 and he told me the other day, "I no like you, I like daddy." That was after I told him off for doing something like throwing a toy across the room.

Daylilies, maybe a trial separation would do you and your DH some good. Try it out and see how you feel (if you can figure out the logistics of it). Life's too short to be unhappy!

[3andMe]

Claire has told dh a couple of times "I no love you Daddy" usually when he's trying to put her to bed and she doesn't want to go. It's weird how much more advanced she is at the emotional skills and manipulations. She also is very good at deliberately coming up and giving a kiss and saying "I love you" when she wants something. I think it's a skill I didn't develop until way later than most of my peers, and of course she's not subtle at all, but it's so interesting how it doesn't seem to be a learned behavior.

ETA: That started at least as early as 2 1/2.

[Bridget]

Kai used to tell me all the time that he didn't like me. That I'm mean and yucky. Among other things. It sucks that it hurts but it does even though you know they have no idea the context of what they are saying.
He grew out of it. Now he calls me a snarky-head or any other nonsense word that ends in head. I also take care of a little girl that tell me she loves me the very second that she sees I've noticed her making a poor choice. She tells me she loves me and I'm beautiful. :eyeroll:

My state licensor was just here and I didn't get written for anything!! :hooray: The word on the street is that he's a stickler and no one ever gets out without a write up and I've always been written up in the past for minor paper work related things. I'm super happy!!!

[Bridget]

Hi sorry! I've been lurking and not posting much. Gus is great, fat as a little piggy, and so pleasant it's.almost painful. He's nursing and making contented little sighs right now. :wub:

Bridget, how're things with your pregnancy? When're you due again?
So glad things are well! My pregnancy is great. Couldn't be better, actually. I feel great and strong. Having some slight worries about who is going to do my daycare after I have the baby but other than that it's all good. I am due end of january.

[missychrissy]

Thanks Chrissy...I'm sorry Rich made you feel like it was just that you're unhappy everywhere. When I think about it, DH kind of says the same thing. And it's true I am generally a negative person but there are things that make me happy. It's just that DH tends to kind of bring it down a little bit. For instance he asked the other day if I wanted to take Josh to Chuck E Cheese with him and that would have been great for Josh but the only thing I could envision was DH getting impatient with Josh and I didn't want to deal with that. It was already a really bad day.
Can I ask you what happened when you two broke up? When was that? Did one of you move out and how did you handle taking care of the kids? How did you decide you were going to get back together?
DH makes me feel like all I'm into is new kids on the block and browsing my parenting website LOL and he says he can't possibly find anything in common with me in those parameters. I almost want to show him APA so he can see what we talk about and we could have discussions on those topics, but then he'd see all the crap I say about him :rolleyes:
I know there is more to me than that, it's just hard to explore my own interests when I have to basically entertain Josh all day!
Oh, and Josh has already told me a few times that he doesn't love me anymore. Is that normal for an almost 4 year old? I thought that phase didn't hit until much later. It breaks my heart. How do I react to that? I've tried to talk to him about it and I've tried ignoring it. Ignoring it usually makes him stop saying it. I'm sure he doesn't quite understand the gravity of what he's saying but I can't help but feel like it's because of all the stress around here. It's just awful.
Sorry for the long post...

There's so much I want to say, I hope I don't miss something.

The Chuck E Cheese thing-I know exactly what you're saying. When you're already wore out, you don't have much left to properly deal with extra stuff. If you know your dh is going to fail you and become an issue, then of course the idea of going out isn't going to be appealing. It makes sense to me, and I really want you to try to lighten up on yourself. He has a responsibility too, even if he doesn't want to admit it.

Rich & I broke up 100 years ago :D It feels that way anyway. I was pregnant with Jessica. There was lots of things that contributed to our split...many, many levels of dysfunction and lack of communication. I was a passionate teen (I was 18 when I had her) and would sometimes throw things at him. Lots of yelling, blaming, poverty, stress...it was very ugly. Splitting up was a good, healthy thing for us.

During the 11 months, and even just before we split, I did go to counseling. I worked on myself and got to the point where I felt I could be happy and have a great life without him. Believe me, it wasn't easy to get there but I'm trying to keep this post short :) Rich expressed interest in getting back together and I really dragged my feet. I had gotten my license, completed my GED, attended parenting classes and even a 6-month secretarial program in the time we'd been split up. I fully worked on me and I felt great. Rich & I 'dated' for a while before I allowed him to move in with me (I'd also moved to a better location and got myself a car of my own, when he left I had nothing).

It bothers me that your dh doesn't feel like you have anything you can talk about on common ground. Does he even try? What about mentioning some things we talk about on here...maybe not say "On my mommy board..." but "My friend and I were talking about Palin, and _______" or whatever subject you find interesting. I know Rich & I have had numerous conversations that were triggered by things I read on APA. Instead of talking down to you about your likes and dismissing them as uninteresting, he can bring up conversation pieces too. Like I said before, he has a responsibility in how healthy your relationship is too.

It is totally normal for Josh to say that...and yes, it does hurt a lot. Conner has unfortunately learned that saying "I don't like you" has power...so he uses it. I tell him that's ok and that's the only response he gets from me. Maybe it's easier for me because I've experienced this before and I know for certain this phase will pass, and it has nothing to do with how he really feels about you. He's just learning the power of his words and testing his limits with you.

:hugs:

[daylilies]

Thanks very much Chrissy.
We're both pretty passionate people about certain topics, but I don't know how to debate and he does. Even though we have that difference, we both (or at least I do) end up getting hurt feelings when we talk about things we disagree on. I know how I feel about certain things but I usually don't know how to put it into words, so if we tried to have a debate on politics, for instance, I would end up feeling confused and/or hurt.
I feel like we just disagree on too much. Once in a while I just wish we agreed on something. I'm all for debate but I'd just like to say something like "you know, when you send Josh to his room for every little thing, I feel like it sends the wrong message" and have him agree with me and really work on it. I explain to him how I feel about certain things and he seems to get it (he always says I have the say on how to raise Josh) but then I see him doing the same thing that I don't approve of.
I think I'm getting too far off topic. Today I just pretty much decided I need to bring up the idea of a trial separation. I just realized we have this vicious cycle. Year after year we fall apart around this time, then we make up and manage to get through a year and then it gets really bad again the next winter. It's like clockwork. And it's making me realize maybe things aren't going to change.

[missychrissy]

:( I'm sorry. Not every conversation needs to be, or even should be, a debate. I guess using Palin as an example was probably a bad one, especially if you're on different political pages. Rich had republican tendencies, but he will hear me out about specific issues and ends up liberal on each point by the time I'm done :D It probably wouldn't work so well if he were a staunch republican.

A trial separation doesn't mean the end. I know it's difficult and scary and there's likely going to be a lot of anger and threats involved, but I think sometimes that's the only way a person can really find themselves.

[stash]

So glad things are well! My pregnancy is great. Couldn't be better, actually. I feel great and strong. Having some slight worries about who is going to do my daycare after I have the baby but other than that it's all good. I am due end of january.

Ugh, but I know you'll figure it out.

Who's on to look after Kai and Savana while you're in labor?

[daylilies]

I know. But I think that if I left for 11 months, 1) DH would not take me back and 2) I probably would not want to include him back in the life I finally made my own, unless he had honestly changed. I want to be with someone who loves kids, who can help me through the issues with Josh instead of just saying "Yup you're right, this phase sucks" or whatever. I need someone who is going to be supportive. I want someone who understands what I want and is on the same page instead of saying "You're the one who sits around all day doing research, you figure out how to raise him" (not in those words, but essentially, I'm the one who goes to the pedi and talks to you guys and the moms at church, so I make all the decisions on how to raise him and he gets to float by)
Honestly, if I dated again after this, I'd probably seek out a woman. LOL

[stash]

And no, I suck, I.haven't posted any more than one pic of Gus in my birth month. I'm always checking in on my Droid and uploading is painful. He looks SO much like Oscar.

He gained a full pound in six days. :shock:

[daylilies]

He gained a full pound in six days. :shock:

Hey, I can do that too! :laugh:
Go Gus! Pictures please!

[stash]

You know, I have to admit, it seems like YOU are really unhappy. Both with DH, and well, with YOU. I think the focus of your effort needs to be whatever it takes to make YOU whole, happy and healthy. Your relationship with your husband, your kid, anyone (even yourself) will follow suit if you can find the space you need for YOU.

[stash]

Okay here we go try these...

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c180/skuiper/56667_1568231958464_1015388745_1530926_2992685_o.j pg
http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c180/skuiper/52022_1575376817081_1015388745_1542839_2373815_o.j pg
http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c180/skuiper/39612_1559845428806_1015388745_1513206_5942133_n-1.jpg

[daylilies]

Aww, yes, I do see a little bit of Oscar in those pictures! He's so cute!
You're right, I am unhappy, but mostly at home. I'm happy (if a bit out of my league) teaching the church class. I'm happy when I'm working out. I'm happy when I'm at a concert, or eating good food, or relaxing with a drink.
Today Josh was tough all day. He threw a fit in the mall for a good 20 minutes because he wanted to go to the upstairs of JC Penney. I don't know why I chose to fight him on that. I really wanted to get in and out of the mall for some reason and not screw around in home decorating upstairs. I should have taken him home but I really need new jeans (which I didn't even end up finding). I took him outside and talked to him and he calmed down and was a completely different child after that.
Then he didn't want to leave the gym when I was done and he bit and kicked me when I gently tried to coax him out.

[Bridget]

Stacy, dbf is going to hang with the kids while I'm in labor. I don't need him with me. I still have to find a doula but I had Kai pretty much on my own so I know I'll be fine. Gus is perfect. :wub:

Kate the thing that I always keep in my head with kids is that they are so thrilled about life and so ready to absorb everything and learn everything but they have very, very little control in their worlds. Can you imagine how frustrating that is? Dbf and I have this conversation all the time because he forever wants to rush the kids for his own sake and I'm like, "Dude, let them live their little lives too."
I'm not saying you're like dbf at all but I think we all sometimes get caught up in our own goals and forget that they have little goals as well. Like housewares, for example. :winks:

I also think it's important to make yourself happy. And I know you are afraid of what may happen if you and dh separate but you can't go on like you are. I think you'll be surprised at how happy you can be on your own, with Josh.
And oh, by the way, hi. I'm pot. Nice to meet you kettle. :laugh:

[daylilies]

LOL Bridget. Housewares. I was like, really? you want to go see the beds? And he's like yahh! Whatever! We did get him a cute Christmas nightlight though. Gah! I couldn't believe they had Christmas stuff out already.

Okay so, I'm beating around the bush. DH and I have basically split up. I'm supposed to go find somewhere to go tomorrow and DH is going to keep Josh, I guess? I want to find a job, I think. Even if it's small. I don't want to go too far, so we can both still be involved with Josh during this. I think he thinks I don't want Josh! I have expressed how frustrating he is but I certainly don't want to give him up.

[Gwenn]

Gus is so sweet. Thanks for sharing.

Kate, it does sound as though you are really unhappy and I agree it's a two way street. If he really isn't willing to attempt to find common interests, even when it comes to raising Josh, it isn't much of a partnership.

And I agree with Bridget about control. One of the trainings I went to for work I remember the presenter bringing up the "control" issue. For some reason people who work with special needs kids often get caught in this power struggle and will dismiss something a child is telling them by saying "oh, X just wants to be in control." Or maybe that's most people who work with kids in general? As the presenter said, all us want to be in control of our lives and what happens to us. That is normal and we shouldn't discount it. Sometimes having no control is what brings out these meltdowns ... I know I feel that way too when my life seems out of control and deep down I want to react the same way (and maybe I do if the snippy email I sent to a coworker today is any example).

[Gwenn]

LOL Bridget. Housewares. I was like, really? you want to go see the beds? And he's like yahh! Whatever! We did get him a cute Christmas nightlight though. Gah! I couldn't believe they had Christmas stuff out already.

Okay so, I'm beating around the bush. DH and I have basically split up. I'm supposed to go find somewhere to go tomorrow and DH is going to keep Josh, I guess? I want to find a job, I think. Even if it's small. I don't want to go too far, so we can both still be involved with Josh during this. I think he thinks I don't want Josh! I have expressed how frustrating he is but I certainly don't want to give him up.

:hugs: I hope this is a good opportunity for you to find what makes you happy.

[daylilies]

That makes perfect sense Gwenn. Even when I said "Well can I go look for my pants first, then we can go upstairs" he wasn't happy with that, because to him it still wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to go look at housewares first. :D
Thanks...I just hope I haven't chickened out by tomorrow. I need to stay strong about this. No more vicious cycle.

[patti_jim]

That makes perfect sense Gwenn. Even when I said "Well can I go look for my pants first, then we can go upstairs" he wasn't happy with that, because to him it still wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to go look at housewares first. :D
Thanks...I just hope I haven't chickened out by tomorrow. I need to stay strong about this. No more vicious cycle.

I just wanted to say you have my admiration for what you've decided. It's very courageous to strike out on your own in a situation like this and you're taking a HUGE step towards regaining YOU.

:bow: You will be okay!

[3andMe]

Kate. :hugs:

[stash]

Hugs, Kate.

Bridget, will they be in the house? I'm being nosy because the one thing I underestimated was the noise of late labor (mine). We were lucky Oscar was asleep, because even though my mom.was there to care for him, I think he'd have been upset hearing me. And I just wonder how your dbf will parent them through it?

[AmeriBrit]

Ah, those are great photos, Stash! He's adorable! Sounds like you guys are doing awesomely!

Kate, just wanted to wish you luck with your big decision...I'm sure you'll be fine...just take baby steps if ya can!

[Bridget]

Hugs, Kate.

Bridget, will they be in the house? I'm being nosy because the one thing I underestimated was the noise of late labor (mine). We were lucky Oscar was asleep, because even though my mom.was there to care for him, I think he'd have been upset hearing me. And I just wonder how your dbf will parent them through it?
It sort of depends on the time of day of labor. January is the coldest time of year here. Below 0 weather more than likely. We'll most likely be hunkered down at home. I think Savana will probably want to be with me. We watched The Business of Being Born together and she is totally fascinated. I've talked to her several times about how it hurts to have a baby and that I might be loud and upset but that I will be okay. She told my midwives she wants to help catch the baby. We shall see about that one. :laugh: Kai I'm quite confident if he has dbf's attention he won't care where I am or what I'm doing. He adores his daddy and soaks up whatever he gets.
I think if all else fails, dbf will take them down to the daycare. It's totally separate from the house and if they put some music on they won't be able to hear anything.

[Bridget]

Kate, I'm proud of you. :hugs:

I feel worried about Savana. She has so much anxiety. When faced with any decision at all she has a complete meltdown. It's not a tantrum either. It's true dispair. For example, last night dbf was laying with Kai for bedtime and Savana said to me that maybe she wanted to lay with daddy and Kai instead of me. I said ok and then for the next 15 minutes she proceeded to work herself into sobs saying that she couldn't decide if she should snuggle me or daddy. She gets like this most often when it's choosing between doing something with dbf or being with me but it also extends to choosing a toy to buy at the store, choosing a story at night....

[missychrissy]

I know. But I think that if I left for 11 months, 1) DH would not take me back and 2) I probably would not want to include him back in the life I finally made my own, unless he had honestly changed. I want to be with someone who loves kids, who can help me through the issues with Josh instead of just saying "Yup you're right, this phase sucks" or whatever. I need someone who is going to be supportive. I want someone who understands what I want and is on the same page instead of saying "You're the one who sits around all day doing research, you figure out how to raise him" (not in those words, but essentially, I'm the one who goes to the pedi and talks to you guys and the moms at church, so I make all the decisions on how to raise him and he gets to float by)
Honestly, if I dated again after this, I'd probably seek out a woman. LOL

11 months was what worked for us. Other people stay apart for shorter periods...or even longer. Besides that, and I say this with a great deal of compassion and love, you cannot make your husband fit into the mold of what you want out of a spouse. :( There's nothing you can do to make him be supportive. I know that sounds mean, but it's a conversation I have with myself too sometimes.


You know, I have to admit, it seems like YOU are really unhappy. Both with DH, and well, with YOU. I think the focus of your effort needs to be whatever it takes to make YOU whole, happy and healthy. Your relationship with your husband, your kid, anyone (even yourself) will follow suit if you can find the space you need for YOU.

I agree with Stacy too. If you're totally happy and fulfilled, it gives you the energy and the capacity to deal with the other stuff going on in your life with Josh and your dh.


And oh, by the way, hi. I'm pot. Nice to meet you kettle. :laugh:

I'm feeling the same way. :P I tell myself the same things I've said to Kate and I cannot seem to take my own advice. It's not that I don't believe what I say...it's that making those decisions is extremely hard. I know that.


Okay so, I'm beating around the bush. DH and I have basically split up. I'm supposed to go find somewhere to go tomorrow and DH is going to keep Josh, I guess? I want to find a job, I think. Even if it's small. I don't want to go too far, so we can both still be involved with Josh during this. I think he thinks I don't want Josh! I have expressed how frustrating he is but I certainly don't want to give him up.
Great big :hugs: to you.

Bridget-I really hope it works out so Savannah can be there. I had toyed with the idea of allowing my girls to be there for Sydney's and Conner's births but I chickened out. If you can do it, I'd be so dang happy for you!!! I'm sure she'd be a great little support person through the process too.

Stacy-Gus is absolutely adorable. :wub:

[daylilies]

I bet that would be an awesome experience for Savana, Bridget. She'd probably always remember it.
DH just took Josh to school. I'm still not sure who's going where or anything. On one hand I want to leave the house and get a clean start but on the other hand I realize Josh is not most of the problem and that DH should be the one to leave. I feel like if I didn't have DH to deal with, Josh would not be such a stressor. But then DH of course wants to keep Josh during this too. I want to find a job and other things and it would be harder if I had Josh. So what do we do?
Chrissy I know what you mean about not being able to make him what I want. I have a framed copy of the words our minister wrote for us for our wedding. It's long but one part of it says something like 'your partner will not be everything you need'. Well basically he's not much of what I need at all. Aside from his great work ethic and planning ahead for retirement and emergencies, I don't really feel fulfilled by him at all.
I've been looking at those words a lot, trying to make sense of them and realizing the words are very meaningful and they fit what I want and that DH is the one who is not fitting into them.
I called my mom a little while ago to see if I could stay with her and she didn't pick up. Either she was still sleeping, or in the shower or something.

[stash]

That's great, Bridget. I'd forgotten about the daycare. We planned something similar, and birthed in our office suite, which is separate from the house. Lucky for us, I.went into labor as I.was putting Oscar to bed and he was born about 45 minutes before Oscar came looking for me. He woke up to a new brother and a houseful of.midwives.

I.am so excited for you. Birthing Gus at home, on my own terms, was the most amazing thing I've ever done.

[stephmama]

Kate, I just wanted to pop in and say good luck. I hope you find a way to be happy with you. :hugs:

[stephmama]

And Stash, your birth sounded perfect and amazing. I love it when women get the birth they want. It gives me the warm fuzzies. :wub:

[daylilies]

Thanks Steph. :) I have to admit I didn't plan this very well. I didn't plan where I was going to go or anything before I broke the news to DH. So we're still sitting here like "Awk-warrrrd...."
My mom isn't answering the phone and I really don't feel like talking to my dad yet...I want to stay in this area so I can still do my church class thing and stay in touch with my counselor and the gym, and be close to Josh, but on the other hand I want to be with my family and they're all 2 hours away. My personal trainer said he could get me a job at the day care at this gym he's opening if I get certification...but I don't have anyone I can live with here and apartments are really hard to come by.

[missychrissy]

:hugs: Kate. I wish we lived close.

[newmami]

I am always lurking here, sorry :shame:

Stacy, Gus is adorable!! :wub: he does look like Oscar, I am so glad he is doing well :)

Kate, I am here if you want to talk :hugs:

[MammaMia]

Huge hugs Kate! :hugs: I think a separation could be a really good thing for you. Your relationship sounds like it's sucking the life out of you.

Something must be in the air. DH & I have been on the verge of splitting up too. We had a big talk yesterday and cleared the air a bit, and we seem to be ok for now. DH was terrified that I was going to leave. I've been looking at apartments and everything.

I believe he truly loves me, and he keeps telling me that all he wants is to make me happy, but then when I tell him what I need from him (bare basic things), he seems either unwilling or incapable of doing them. I don't get it. :dunno:

[newmami]

I believe he truly loves me, and he keeps telling me that all he wants is to make me happy, but then when I tell him what I need from him (bare basic things), he seems either unwilling or incapable of doing them. I don't get it. :dunno:

Gosh, I have one of those at home too!! :pokey:

[Bridget]

Huge hugs Kate! :hugs: I think a separation could be a really good thing for you. Your relationship sounds like it's sucking the life out of you.

Something must be in the air. DH & I have been on the verge of splitting up too. We had a big talk yesterday and cleared the air a bit, and we seem to be ok for now. DH was terrified that I was going to leave. I've been looking at apartments and everything.

I believe he truly loves me, and he keeps telling me that all he wants is to make me happy, but then when I tell him what I need from him (bare basic things), he seems either unwilling or incapable of doing them. I don't get it. :dunno:
This! I tell him over and over and over what I need from him and he's constantly telling me he just wants to make me happy but he doesn't know how.
LISTEN!

[demigraf]

:hi:

Hi, guys! I just got back last night. We spent the last 3 days on my friend's new farm on the Big Island. We snorkeled, fed the chickens, helped him pick coffee and set up this aquaponic system to grow organic vegetables out of troughs. It was pretty neat. The main source of nutrients for the veggies will be the waste product of about 200 fishies that live in these big tanks.

I have about 10 pages of reading to do to catch up with all's y'all. But I wanted to say once I finish paying bills, updating my resume (I'm temporarily a SAHM again - whoo hoo!), and restocking my shelves with food, I'll be back to chat with you ladies. I thought of you while I was away. :)

[Bridget]

Yay! Great to "see" you! So glad things are going well.

[AmeriBrit]

Glad you're back, demigraf! Sounds like you had a blast!

[daylilies]

Okay, so we're all married to/with the same type of man! LOL
I finally got in touch with my mom and I'm there now. Mom said DH called her when I was on my way up. She said he seemed "mystified" as to why I'm unhappy. It just boggles my mind.
My personal trainer offered me a job at the day care in the new gym he's opening up, if I can get certified. How does one get certified in child care? My plan right now is to return on Saturday. My mom basically had the same thoughts as some of you; that I need to build my own life. I want to give it a try, because I really want to try every little thing before I completely call it quits. :wave: Sarah! I've missed you around here! And you too demigraf!

[missychrissy]

Kate, I'm thinking of you. I purposefully signed on to see how you're doing.

In NY you can call the local social services office to see how to get certified for daycare. At least here, they either arrange for the education classes or have a list of them in the area. You could also google search "become daycare certified in X county" in the state in which you live. They should have a list of requirements and most likely some resources for you.

[Gwenn]

Kate, about Josh, would it help to have a legal separation in place with a custody agreement, or is that too scary a step? I can see you and DH arguing over Josh back and forth and things getting ugly.

Sarah and Myles, I'm so glad to see both of you!

[daylilies]

I don't know. As it stands now I'm going back on Saturday. With a little bit of space I can already see that I was just too overwhelmed at home to think clearly.
We have quite a few big personal issues from the past that are pretty sensitive and too long to go into here, but DH says he has put them behind him while I still stew over them. I don't know how to let go of anything!

I'm going to try to get that job or some other job. I need to go out and get things and not just wish that something would fall in my lap. I need to sit down and look DH in the eye and tell him what I need.
Thanks so much for checking up on me guys. I already want to go home. I miss Josh. I want to keep trying. Am I crazy?

[Gwenn]

You're not crazy, and I'd be worried about you if you didn't miss Josh. I hope I don't sound preachy, but things don't generally fall into your lap without at least a little bit of effort on your part to make it happen. I know you'll make things work for the best - whatever that may be.

[daylilies]

I know, I don't know why I'm living in this fantasy where people would do what I wanted and I'd get my dream job and everything. I understand not everything is easy, but sometimes I just wish *something* was easy, you know? LOL

[Cosmosmom]

Kate, nothing in life worth having is ever easy.

So I was reading today that the happiest people have a ratio of 3 positive experiences to every negative one. That is only about 20% of the people. That most people focus way too much on the negative that they neglect to even notice the positive experiences in life.

What we can't do is expect someone else to make us happy...it's just not someone else's job.

I really believe that is why I view myself as generally pretty happy....I let smaller things in life make me happy and just don't focus so much on the negative ones (and we all have negative ones). I enjoy little things like hugging on my Cosmo or a sitting on the porch on a nice day or enjoying a TV show or reading a good book.

What kinds of things do you enjoy? I know you've said before it's not politics but not everyone is into that. We all have very different things that we like doing.

I don't think that it's crazy to want to to try to work things out with Dh....who knows, if you become happier with yourself, maybe it would change things at home. I know at least with us...when one of us in crabby or depressed, it really affects both partners...but it works in reverse too, when one is happy, it tends to spread.

[daylilies]

I don't seem to enjoy much...I pick up a lot of things and get bored. I tried scrapbooking, I was really serious about it for a while but I stopped. I have the blog in my signature, but I don't do that much anymore. I've slacked off with the cooking. I don't know, not a lot of things seem to hold my interest. I have a short attention span for things.

[Bridget]

Kate, I hope you find what you are looking for. I will say this. When the **** hit the fan with dbf and I, I sort of panicked. We had just bought this house and I told him to fly here now or never talk to me again. Looking back, I wish I'd have taken a few weeks to really consider my options. The initial thought of being on your own is terrifying, no doubt. That said, you should do what you feel is right is for you. Maybe you just needed to clear your head for a minute.

Savana and Kai find a way around everything. I asked them not to use the word hate a few weeks ago. As in, "I hate this shirt". I said it's just much more pleasant to say you don't care for something. Well they kept saying it and when I reminded them again Kai said, "Hate means 'I don't care for'. We changed what it means." Then Savana chimed in with "Everyone's different. Things don't always mean the same thing to everyone." MY LINE. Although I let it go and I think they're over it now. Haven't heard it for awhile.
So now we've been on this huge board game kick and they're both saying I "wan" instead on "won". A few times I've said, "Actually wan isn't a word. The word you're looking for is "won".
"No mom, we invented the word wan. You don't know about it because it's new. We invented it."
The little stinkers don't even let me correct their grammar! I don't know what I'm in for when they are teenagers.

[daylilies]

LOL
Kids have airtight logic, don't they?

[stash]

Kate, have you ever been treated for depression? I ask because not enjoying anything and feeling like this.are futile are significant symptoms of clinical depression.

I confess my mom's been here for three weeks and is leaving Sunday. I'm torn because I want my.family and.space back, but it's actually been so nice having her, and having the help. Dh has been working some the past two weeks and she's been Oscar's constant playmate as I get used to parenting two kids.

Sigh.

[Bridget]

Aw man, Stacy. That is hard. I remember feeling the same way after I had Kai and my mom had flown to Hawaii to be with us. I cried in her arms the night before she left.
:hugs:

[daylilies]

That's what my therapist thinks I have (depression) but she doesn't prescribe pills. I've been on and off pills over the last couple years for various things but not depression. I'm just not a big fan of the idea of taking pills. I'd rather not.

[Cosmosmom]

I don't seem to enjoy much...I pick up a lot of things and get bored. I tried scrapbooking, I was really serious about it for a while but I stopped. I have the blog in my signature, but I don't do that much anymore. I've slacked off with the cooking. I don't know, not a lot of things seem to hold my interest. I have a short attention span for things.

But really most people have a variety of things they do. I like to crochet....I will do a decent amount for a while and than not touch a project for months and months. Than I might get into a puzzle for a while until that is finished. Reading I love to do but I might change genres or read a lot for a bit and a little less for a bit.

[daylilies]

I'm glad you got good help from your mom. It must have been nice!

[stash]

I'm not suggesting meds, though there's an appropriate place for them. I'm suggesting recognition and treatment...

[3andMe]

Kate, did your therapist decide that it was depression instead of bipolar disorder? I would still be concerned about making life-changing decisions without ensuring that an underlying mood disorder was at its best state, and I think bipolar disorder is considered to be fairly difficult to overcome with therapy alone. I imagine you have got to be having so many different feelings right now.

[Gwenn]

Oh, I know. Nothing in my life is easy right now.

Okay, after my mother and I had that 20 minute shouting match on my birthday because of the fact that she insists on saying insensitive and hurtful things about my husband's deployment and refuses to recognize that she does so even after I point it out to her, she laid this one on me tonight. She mentioned that her sister's grandson, who just completed basic training, is being sent to Alaska and "might have to go to Afghanistan" at some point in the future (umm ... he joined the military, Mom) and "Wouldn't that be scary?" So I asked her, in a noticeably upset tone, if that was worse than MY HUSBAND being sent to Afghanistan. Her answer? Yes!!!! She sat in front of me and told me it was worse because "Kevin knows what he's doing." So somehow if I'm ever widowed I can apparently take comfort in the fact that he knew what he was doing, and that's totally fine. WTF??? Oh, and my father defended her! Why the he!l would you say that to someone whose husband is currently in direct combat? Somehow the possibility of my cousin's son being sent over there sometime in the future is supposed to be worse to me than the fact that I just spent a week knowing my husband was out on a mission from which he might never return. Thanks, Mom and Dad.

ETA: Whoa ... don't know how I managed it, but I just skipped this entire page and was responding to Kate's comment at the bottom of the last page. Which is why my first comment doesn't appear to be in any sort of context. :)

[AmeriBrit]

Ah man, Gwenn, that's totally insensitive! That's just harsh...I don't know why people say things like that, especially family as they are sometimes the worst!

[daylilies]

Wow Gwenn! I'm so sorry she said that.
Yes, I think my current therapist thinks that it is depression. It was the psychiatrist that I don't see anymore who said it was bipolar. I took some pills for bipolar and they didn't seem to do much.
I called DH last night. Josh had already gone to bed, but I had been wrestling with the decision of calling them or not all day. DH said they had a good day and that Josh seemed fine.
I woke up at 7 a.m. I'm here without anyone to wake me up and I can't even sleep late. LOL
My mom is getting kittens today! I'm excited.

[missychrissy]

Gwenn, that was just cruel. :( I'm so sorry they're that insensitive.

Kate :hugs: I've gone through periods of time where it felt like we had a black cloud over us and nothing would go right. All I can say is, it gets better. I know it sounds trite, but it's true.

[daylilies]

Sometimes I just don't know. I just want to be happy in this lifetime and sometimes it feels like I never will be.

[stash]

Sometimes I just don't know. I just want to be happy in this lifetime and sometimes it feels like I never will be.

Kate, trying one medication and having it fail doesn't constitute.treatment. It will.take time to figure it.out and get it right. Your hopelessness worries me.

I hate to sound all tough love on you, but emotional stability and happiness takes a ****load of WORK and commitment. You sound resigned, and ain't nothing gonna get better if you don't grab this by the ass and shake it. Period.

[newmami]

Kate, have you tried the natural route for the depression? I did instead of the Zoloft (that I took for PPD) and it has worked pretty good for me, makes me feel a little less "gray" about things and be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

"I" got lost when my kids were born, I became mom, worker and wife, and forgot to take care of the "me" part, which put a HUGE strain in my marriage and in my self esteem and personal life. Slowly I am trying to get ME back, to do things I want to do for ME... it is hard when you are hard wired to be "perfect" on every role you have, but it is doable

Find something YOU like to do, if the idea of doing daycare makes you happy, go for it!! when you are there, ENJOY what you are doing, don't think about it, just have fun.... make an effort in finding the POSITIVE SIDE of things (I know it is hard, but it can be done) and just enjoy that... Josh making silly faces or silly comments, singing your heart out in the car, a morning coffee... savor those moments and they will make you feel more positive about everything. When Josh starts getting on your nerves, make silly faces, sing a song or make a totally silly comment and burst out laughing, that will distract him from the tantrum and you will get the best medicine: LAUGHTER!!

:hugs: you know where to find me if you want to talk

[Cosmosmom]

Sometimes I just don't know. I just want to be happy in this lifetime and sometimes it feels like I never will be.
Kate, I am wondering...how to do define happiness? I'm just wondering if maybe the expectation of what happiness is, is too high? In a similar way as to how many of us expect marriage to be (and it isn't all romance, candles, flowers, and passion like the soaps or movies!)....that just isn't realistic.
Four years ago I think....we went to DisneyWorld....that was a lot of fun and happy times. But the reality of my life is that every day isn't at that level of fun and happiness....but there are other things that are fun and induce joy at a different level.
And not every day is like that....some days just plain old suck a**. Bad stuff happens or it's just a gloomy doomy kind of day. But maybe the next day will be better.

[missychrissy]

Depression by its very nature doesn't allow one to enjoy the simple thing in life. Medication can help with that, but it is tricky to find which one will work for you with minimal side effects. Even then, it can take a couple weeks before you really start to notice the difference.

[Gwenn]

Depression by its very nature doesn't allow one to enjoy the simple thing in life. Medication can help with that, but it is tricky to find which one will work for you with minimal side effects. Even then, it can take a couple weeks before you really start to notice the difference.

This. I agree that you sound depressed. I was medicated for depression for about 18 months at one point and while I eventually weaned myself off it, in the short term it gave me the energy I needed to get myself to a place where I was content with my life. But I had no desire to be on it long term.

[missychrissy]

In my house things have turned a 180. I know there's an element of arse-kissing going on because Rich knows he's gone too far, but the fact remains that when he doesn't drink he's a different person. I'd nearly forgotten what it was that kept me with him for 18 years. He's been awake and active all evening....till 9:00 o'clock even!! (that's late for him). He's remembering to take the recycle bins to the end of the driveway. His tone of voice is softer and he speaks to the kids in a kinder manner.

I told him last night that I cannot live with him if he drinks even 1 or 2 beers because just that much changes him into someone I can't stand. I told him I believe he has a problem and that he should seek help for it because I don't think he can stay away from it for any length of time on his own. He didn't say a word.

I don't think he's going to look for help. He thinks he can handle it. I don't know what the future brings, but one thing is for certain...we will not buy a house that I cannot afford to pay for on my own.

[daylilies]

Hugs Chrissy. Even when DH has one or two drinks (which is all he usually has) he's a different person too. I mostly see it when I'm not drinking and he is. It's not a lot of fun being sober around someone who's drunk LOL
Happiness...I know what you mean (Jennifer, I think it was) what you said about Disneyworld. I don't expect everything to be OMG Awesome all the time. I just want to be in a decent mood from day to day and right now I'm not. I'm too busy dreading the next time I have to tell Josh it's time to do something, or the next negotiation we're going to have about mealtime, or what DH is going to ask me for the millionth time (he doesn't remember much of what I tell him, like appt.'s I have, or things Josh or I need to go to in the upcoming week). It's exhausting. I figured out I have lived my life pretty much in my own head up until now, having a very small circle of friends, not many boyfriends (and no serious ones until DH). It's been a huge adjustment having to live outside my own mind, if that makes any sense. I feel like my world has to be a lot bigger now and it's sort of uncomfortable. Having to express my wants and needs to DH, having to cater to Josh's, trying to keep up with DH's wishes for what he wants me to do around the house and the sexual attention he wants (and that I don't want), doing all that while still being my own person hasn't worked out yet.
Do you think when I get home I should do a major overhaul or work in baby steps as far as what I need to change with how I interact with DH and Josh? I feel like I'm ready to jump in with two feet and really work for what I want.
I know it's not easy but it seems so effortless for some people. Some people really love being a mom and wife and feel like it's their life's calling. I wish I did.

[stash]

Kate, it's never effortless. It's a lot a lot a lot of hard work.

[Ky'sMom]

Hugs to you Kate. And this:


Kate, it's never effortless. It's a lot a lot a lot of hard work.

People have often said that I make mothering look effortless IRL, and I usually have to try REALLY hard not to give them a "you are a nut!" look. It is totally hard at times and honestly even though I also think I'm a good mom (not all that great of a wife IMO though) I am not a SAHM type and am happy that I now have a job outside the house and am not one anymore.

I hope everything works out for you. I also left my DH before he was my DH for about 18 months until we reconciled. He made a lot of changes but has recently regressed so I can understand your own issues with your DH. Today my DH actually raised his voice and tried to argue with me because after he told me he may call off work today, I asked if he could put a pork roast in the slow cooker for dinner since we have a parent teacher conference tonight for Ky and I won't have time to cook. He basically blew a gasket thinking I'm taking advantage of him since he cooked yesterday (eye rolling from me). But yeah, basic, niceties would be wonderful from quite a few guys. I also think about leaving my DH. I mentioned leaving him a while ago if he didn't stop being lazy and I am seriously thinking about it. I know petty but really I can't stand laziness and we do have other issues besides his laziness that I just don't mention to many people. It is just exasperating to deal with him at times, he is like a constant 3 year old, and I'm just getting sick of it.

But I hope you can use this time to better yourself, no matter how long it may be or what the outcome will be for you and your DH's relationship.

Erin

[daylilies]

DH and I broke up for a little bit before we were married too, but only for a couple months. We had a major incident that tore us apart. During our "break" he screwed around with another woman. That still really hurts me. But we ended up burying the whole thing under the rug which we tend to do with all our problems.

[MammaMia]

Huge hugs to all the ladies having DH problems. :hugs:

I confess that I've had the most hellish week ever. Today was better though. I got an A+ on my first college exam. :) Admittedly it was pretty easy and only worth 1% of our final mark, but I'm relieved.

[midgeend]

I know it's not easy but it seems so effortless for some people. Some people really love being a mom and wife and feel like it's their life's calling. I wish I did.


Kate, it's never effortless. It's a lot a lot a lot of hard work.

This


Hugs to you Kate. And this:



People have often said that I make mothering look effortless IRL, and I usually have to try REALLY hard not to give them a "you are a nut!" look.




Erin

And this

I think it's hard for everyone...no matter how easy someone seems to make it look. I know I put up a very hard exterior to anyone looking in. I don't want anyone to know just how frazzled and totally lost I feel sometimes. But I am, frazzled and lost and feel like crying at the end of the day because I'm just plain tired sometimes.

I've also dealt with a lot of depression in my life, and I completely agree with Stash, that it's hard work, but you have to jump into it and DO IT. I would say that I'm not about baby steps for you. I am like you in that I will pick up a hobby, and lose interest quickly..etc. I think people like us are all or nothing, so you have to make a decision to just up and be done being depressed. Perhaps there is a need for medication? Not all anti-depressants are created equally. I know that medication never worked for me, it always made me much worse actually.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[midgeend]

Huge hugs to all the ladies having DH problems. :hugs:

I confess that I've had the most hellish week ever. Today was better though. I got an A+ on my first college exam. :) Admittedly it was pretty easy and only worth 1% of our final mark, but I'm relieved.


:hooray::hooray:

Awesome.

[daylilies]

Awesome Sarah!
I kind of want to go home tomorrow. DH has the day off tomorrow, whereas he was planning on going out on Saturday. So I'd have more of a chance to talk to him right away tomorrow if I went home tomorrow. Plus mom has a lot of plans outside the house, doing errands and stuff so it won't be a very exciting day for me here.

[The10Eels]

I confess I took a picture of a lady tonight to submit to people of walmart!!!

[daylilies]

Aw, share!
I never remember my camera when I should!

[missychrissy]

Huge hugs to all the ladies having DH problems. :hugs:

I confess that I've had the most hellish week ever. Today was better though. I got an A+ on my first college exam. :) Admittedly it was pretty easy and only worth 1% of our final mark, but I'm relieved.

Congrats!!

Kate, sunshine helps with depression too. If you can get in direct sunlight, I highly suggest it.

[Bridget]

I just came home from my dinner with dad and bro to dbf telling me that our dog, Koa bit Kai. I went to check him but he's sleeping and I don't want to wake him. Dbf says he has as small Mark on his cheek. Koa thought Kai was taking his bone from him, maybe Kai was. Not sure. But he BIT KAI.
I'm kind of freaking out. I don't know what to do. We can't keep him. Can we? We can't. He's normally a sweet, eager to please dog and I love him very much.. I'm just torn up about it. Last week he did growl at Savana when she reached for a puzzle piece close to his face when he was chewing his bone. But it was a low growl and he didn't lash out or anything. I expressed concern to dbf about it but that was it.

I can't risk his biting the kids. :ohno:

[Gwenn]

Some dogs can be very possessive of food/bones. It may be that Koa just doesn't mix well with small children although he is a sweet dog. Not a bad idea for you ton consult a behaviorist if you want to try to keep him - I'm going to do that about Gwennie - I don't have kids but when she bit Nero, well I have always called Nero my firstborn and it was like someone had hurt my baby so I know what that feels like.

Sara, congrats on your A+! Awesome! What is the class?

Kate, I think if you'd like to see DH sooner you should do so. Just go with what feels right. I have a feeling you're already beginning to work things out. :hugs:

[The10Eels]

Aw, share!
I never remember my camera when I should!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v299/lovelylips68/2010-10-2195175615.jpg

[The10Eels]

The friend I was with was all "Do you think its a 'bump-it'?" I almost died laughing

[Gwenn]

Oh ... My ... God ... excuse me, can't type for laughing ...

[AmeriBrit]

LOL! Wooow! Oh, how I miss Wal*Mart!

[missychrissy]

omg-that picture is hilarious!! :lol:

Bridget, I'd try to see if there are any behavior training classes available.

[missychrissy]

Rich & I had a good talk last night. He insists he can stop drinking on his own. I don't really believe him, but I'm resigned. I have to wait out our current lease anyway, and I'm still not going to agree to buy any house that I cannot afford on my own.

For whatever reason, he believes me now that I'm done and he said beer isn't worth losing me. I don't know if he believes me fully about how bad he is when he drinks, but whether he agrees with me or not I think he's finally clear that I'm not willing to live with it.

[Ky'sMom]

Walmart lady is hilarious!!! OMG I can't imagine what one of my kids would say if we were behind her in line (Ky especially).

Speaking of Ky though, I confess I had a parent teacher conference last night and I almost cried when they were telling me what a great kid that Ky was and how he is so imaginative and energetic and eager to learn. I am getting choked up thinking about it right now. They even spoke how he doesn't let other kid's behavior influence how he acts, he's always the same sweet guy. I just love him, he is such a wonderful person. Sometimes I am worried I don't convey that to him enough.

In DH news though, they did say that Ky talks too much in school, his only "needs work" skill. DH has now been harping about it and I don't understand how he can just focus so much on the one negative and not be amazed at how great our son is. He even was going on and on about it this morning and trying to sound all stern. He thinks Ky should strive for perfection, his words. I guess we don't see eye to eye about it. Nobody is perfect and really IMO he is perfectly himself so what standard of perfection should he be striving for. Something I guess to make one go "hmmmmmmmmm."

Erin

[daylilies]

Oh, wow. That Walmart picture is too much. Did you get a look at her(?) from the front? I'm picturing way too much eye makeup and hot pink lipstick.

Erin, that's awesome that Ky is doing so well. I don't think "talking too much" is exactly a fault or most kids would be guilty of it! I know in school you're supposed to mostly listen but that can take a while to enforce, right?
Good luck with Rich, Chrissy.
I think you should get behavior training for Koa, Bridget. Even our most laid back cat who just loves everyone lifts his paw up to swipe when Josh gets too close or touches his tail. It's a reasonable reaction, I think. I think it's good for kids to learn in a controlled environment that animals will react when provoked so that when they encounter an unfamiliar animal they know not to get too close.

[patti_jim]

Oh, wow. That Walmart picture is too much. Did you get a look at her(?) from the front? I'm picturing way too much eye makeup and hot pink lipstick.
Erin, that's awesome that Ky is doing so well. I don't think "talking too much" is exactly a fault or most kids would be guilty of it! I know in school you're supposed to mostly listen but that can take a while to enforce, right?
Good luck with Rich, Chrissy.
I think you should get behavior training for Koa, Bridget. Even our most laid back cat who just loves everyone lifts his paw up to swipe when Josh gets too close or touches his tail. It's a reasonable reaction, I think. I think it's good for kids to learn in a controlled environment that animals will react when provoked so that when they encounter an unfamiliar animal they know not to get too close.

Mimi from that Drew Carey show!! I could SO see that:lol:

[Cosmosmom]

I just came home from my dinner with dad and bro to dbf telling me that our dog, Koa bit Kai. I went to check him but he's sleeping and I don't want to wake him. Dbf says he has as small Mark on his cheek. Koa thought Kai was taking his bone from him, maybe Kai was. Not sure. But he BIT KAI.
I'm kind of freaking out. I don't know what to do. We can't keep him. Can we? We can't. He's normally a sweet, eager to please dog and I love him very much.. I'm just torn up about it. Last week he did growl at Savana when she reached for a puzzle piece close to his face when he was chewing his bone. But it was a low growl and he didn't lash out or anything. I expressed concern to dbf about it but that was it.

I can't risk his biting the kids. :ohno:
I think that it sounds like in this case it's the kids, not the dog. Pretty much all dogs I know and have had will growl and even snap if you get between them and their food/bones.
Even Cosmo who is part cocker and the sweetest girl ever is protective of a bone and I've spent the entire 7 years we have had her working on that. If she realizes you are going to take it and tell her to give, she will. But if you just snatch it from her unexpectedly, she will growl.
I had always assumed that we would have a baby when Cosmo was maybe 2-4 years old so as a baby and even today, I pull on her ears, pull on her feet, get up in her face and take away her toys/food/bones. But yeah without much warning, she will growl. And when she does, she gets corrected right away as she knows better.

[demigraf]

Oh my big hairness! Wow. :laugh: I almost spit out my drink. :)

Bridget, it does sound like the doggie situation needs lots of attention. I agree with kate that it's an opportunity to teach both Koa & Kai. I don't think I'd be ready to part with my dog if something like that happened, but I can appreciate what a tough choice you have.

Erin - go Ky! He sounds awesome. And I love chatty kids.

Chrissy, I think you would do extremely well and be happy on your own. That's not to say you shouldn't work at it all you want with Rich, but I just wanted to say that, from here, you seem to have much going for you, and Rich could maybe stand to lose your presence from his life even for just a little while to recognize what he has. Whatever you do, I hope you don't stay because Rich might "fall" without you. I'm perhaps focusing too much on my own experience and not on the reality of your sitch, but I am in a real "let them stumble and learn" place in my life right now, particularly with all the recent messiness with my sister. Your mention of Rich's drinking reminds me of my sister's drinking. I have been trying in various ways to "save her" for 20 years now. I think she's surrounded by enablers.

Hawaii was really awkward with her, btw. That part stunk. But we only spent a couple days with them (she was sullen and quiet the whole time. thankfully.) The rest of the time was lovely. Hung out with my parents, friends who live on the islands, including one mama from my Jan due date group I met over there last year. It's funny how millions of tourists go there every year, and I suspect we all come away from it feeling a deeply personal connection to Hawaii. It does feel like home when I go each year. Cool place.

Oh yeah, and I lost my job contract largely on account of my travel schedule. I wasn't that thrilled with the work anyway, and we're likely moving 45 min away soon, so I'd have had to give it up anyway. Am stoked to be home.

[daylilies]

Congrats!!

Kate, sunshine helps with depression too. If you can get in direct sunlight, I highly suggest it.

We do get out and about quite a bit, but I'm worried about the winter. It's always a low point for me. I also get very tired and demotivated when it so much as gets cloudy out.


Mimi from that Drew Carey show!! I could SO see that:lol:

Yeah, something like that! LOL

[Cosmosmom]

Bridget, was the bone like a rawhide one? Is Koa posseive over other toys and regular dog food?

I have always had cockapoos...Cosmo is more poodle like but my dog before was very cocker like. He was a good dog, great with kids....i did a lot of babysitting babies/toddlers with him and he was great with them and later my little cousins. But if you gave him a rawhide and tried to take it away or come near him until it was gone....OMG, he would be downright nasty about it.

My parents have a 3 yr old bichon/shih tzu mix...Cosmo is 7. They get along just fine....until one day we we gave them each a new toy. All heck broke loose and it was like the two both got possessed or something. I had never seen either of them act like that before. So no more new toys until either we go home or Charlie goes home with my parents.

So I'm thinking maybe no bones for Koa or at least no bones unless you are there to closely supervise him with the kids....and see if that helps or he shows any other signs of aggression.

[3andMe]

Myles, welcome back! So, you're still staying in the neighborhood?

Bridget, I don't know what I'd do about your dog situation. I can say that we have one cat that has scratched both twins on several occasions and even nipped at them when they have pulled her tail or her fur or grabbed at her, after warning indications from her. I didn't consider getting rid of her, and I'm wondering what the difference between our situations is--because if you've seen Jenny's Ronin and his cat attack, there can be significant damage from a cat, too. Each time, I talk to the twins about what the cat is doing (putting her ears back, growling, trying to move away) and what they're doing (not being gentle, pulling hair, hitting) and how the cat is trying to protect herself because she's so much littler than they are. I've been using it as an opportunity to learn.

I do know this cat, also, and out of our three cats, she is the one who is willing to put up with them petting her and she's the friendliest one, so it's not like she's mean. She just has boundaries. I think in Jenny's case, she got rid of the cat who attacked her Ronin because that cat had a lot of issues and in addition to the fury of that one attack, was probably likely to attack again.

I don't think you can take a single isolated incident and determine an entire animal's future based on it, but I also think you have to base it on the animal, the child, and figure how often the child and the animal are going to be left alone together (or relatively unsupervised).

Man, that was a really long answer for "it depends."

Kate, I also get very unhappy when the days get shorter. Even if I get outside all the time. In fact, I get depressed just THINKING about the change of seasons. I have been thinking about ordering full-spectrum lights for decades, actually, and have never gotten around to it. Just in the past two weeks I've noticed a significant change in the time of sunset (there isn't much time to go play in the park after I pick up the kids from preschool) and I'm finding that very disheartening). When I lived in Wyoming and worked in a department without windows, there were entire days I didn't see the daylight in the middle of winter, and I hated that.

[Bridget]

The bones are gone now. But we've had Koa for almost a year and this behavior is new. He never got possesive of bones or food before.
I just don't know. A lot of people are advising to try different things and see if it works but the only way to see if it works is if he bites again and what if it's worse?

And the kids don't take his bones from him. They know not to do that. These incidents happen when they are just near him and he "thinks" they're going to take it. They are getting to the age where they can follow guidelines but we have a new one coming who will not be at the age for a few years yet. :ohno:
This sucks.

[Cosmosmom]

Do you know how old Koa is?

[Bridget]

He is about 2 years old, give or take a few months.

[Cosmosmom]

Hmmm, I have found that in generally dogs get crabbier as they get older. But than again we both ended up with a few accidental bites from Cosmo especially when she was younger and playing and she got overly excited and misjudged the distance between her toy and us (usually hands).
How bad was the bite again?
If you decide not to keep him, I might have a home for him. DH's mom has been talking about getting grandma and grandpa a dog again...they have had ones before and miss having one but do not want to deal with a puppy. They enjoying babysitting MIL's springer spaniel but he's a bit bigger dog than they would like. Grandma and Grandpa are older and in decent health but if they couldn't take care of a dog anymore, MIL would take it.

[Bridget]

Hmmm, I have found that in generally dogs get crabbier as they get older. But than again we both ended up with a few accidental bites from Cosmo especially when she was younger and playing and she got overly excited and misjudged the distance between her toy and us (usually hands).
How bad was the bite again?
If you decide not to keep him, I might have a home for him. DH's mom has been talking about getting grandma and grandpa a dog again...they have had ones before and miss having one but do not want to deal with a puppy. They enjoying babysitting MIL's springer spaniel but he's a bit bigger dog than they would like. Grandma and Grandpa are older and in decent health but if they couldn't take care of a dog anymore, MIL would take it.
It's mostly scratches. Like, four of them on his cheek but one spot where the tooth went through his skin. So he has a scab about the size of Koa's tooth, like a puncture almost.

[Cosmosmom]

I think that you can really be the only one to decide. It's hard because I'm sure that the kids would be pretty upset to lose their dog and growing up with animals is great for little kids immune systems.

I don't think that I would do it....I cannot imagine living without a dog as I have had them pretty much my entire life. It would have to be a pretty vicious attack for me to remove a dog that was mine.
Of course that is said with the whole I don't have kids thing so I possibly couldn't understand. I do plan to have one at some point though and can try to imagine.....but really dogs are in our blood. My aunt has three (and my cousins are little), I always had one or two and there was always a lot of kids around my house. DH grew up with a dog too.

It doesn't really sound like this is a serious problem that cannot be overcome with a bit of training, correction and removing of trigger items. But you have to the one comfortable with the decision for the family.

Cosmo scratches us by accident kind of often but we hold her a lot and those little legs just sometimes move unexpectedly. When she was little we called her vampire Cosmo. And two years ago, she stepped in my eye and scratched that and I missed two days of work and had to see the eye doctor.

[missychrissy]

Chrissy, I think you would do extremely well and be happy on your own. That's not to say you shouldn't work at it all you want with Rich, but I just wanted to say that, from here, you seem to have much going for you, and Rich could maybe stand to lose your presence from his life even for just a little while to recognize what he has. Whatever you do, I hope you don't stay because Rich might "fall" without you. I'm perhaps focusing too much on my own experience and not on the reality of your sitch, but I am in a real "let them stumble and learn" place in my life right now, particularly with all the recent messiness with my sister. Your mention of Rich's drinking reminds me of my sister's drinking. I have been trying in various ways to "save her" for 20 years now. I think she's surrounded by enablers.

I get what you're saying but I don't believe I'm going to save him. I don't even want to try. He's on his own with this one. In fact, I'm a little irritated because I know as a supportive wife I probably should refrain from having my own alcohol in the house...but I don't see that happening.


Hawaii was really awkward with her, btw. That part stunk. But we only spent a couple days with them (she was sullen and quiet the whole time. thankfully.) The rest of the time was lovely. Hung out with my parents, friends who live on the islands, including one mama from my Jan due date group I met over there last year. It's funny how millions of tourists go there every year, and I suspect we all come away from it feeling a deeply personal connection to Hawaii. It does feel like home when I go each year. Cool place.

Oh yeah, and I lost my job contract largely on account of my travel schedule. I wasn't that thrilled with the work anyway, and we're likely moving 45 min away soon, so I'd have had to give it up anyway. Am stoked to be home.
Boo on things being awkward, but I guess it could have been worse. Sorry about your job. :(

[missychrissy]

Kate, I also get very unhappy when the days get shorter. Even if I get outside all the time. In fact, I get depressed just THINKING about the change of seasons. I have been thinking about ordering full-spectrum lights for decades, actually, and have never gotten around to it. Just in the past two weeks I've noticed a significant change in the time of sunset (there isn't much time to go play in the park after I pick up the kids from preschool) and I'm finding that very disheartening). When I lived in Wyoming and worked in a department without windows, there were entire days I didn't see the daylight in the middle of winter, and I hated that.
Me too. I hate the fall almost as much as winter just because it's an indication of what is coming. :(

[AmeriBrit]

Erin, Ky sounds like an awesome kid-good job on raising such a great kid!

Chrissy, I hope things turn around for you and Rich!

Kate, how are things? Have you gone back home now?

My news of the day-I found Whoppers in a little sweets shop in our neighborhood! Woot woot! I love when I can find nice American food here...the other day my friend brought me some Mt. Dew as they've started selling that here only it's a different formula (something to do with the ingredients not being allowed here in the UK?)and doesn't taste like the real thing but I'm addicted to it now! LOL

[AmeriBrit]

Oh, and I know about the dark nights bringin ya down...it's dark here at just after 5...in December, it will be dark by 4....I hate English winters! They last way too long!

[Bridget]

See, I guess I was meant to be a wisconsin girl. I love love loved living in Hawaii for all the sunshine weather but I don't mind hunkering down in the winter time. It gets long I admit but I actually really like playing in the snow with the kids. I think winter can be beautiful.

And when spring comes it is the most glorious feeling ever!

[missychrissy]

mmm...now I'm suddenly starving for Whoppers! I haven't had any in years.

[Cosmosmom]

See, I guess I was meant to be a wisconsin girl. I love love loved living in Hawaii for all the sunshine weather but I don't mind hunkering down in the winter time. It gets long I admit but I actually really like playing in the snow with the kids. I think winter can be beautiful.

And when spring comes it is the most glorious feeling ever!

Never been to Hawaii but have been to Florida. We couldn't do it either. I just wish that I didn't have to drive on days it snows....if only I didn't have to work, winter would be fun. It really could be just a tad shorter though!
I don't even mind those bright sunny days in Jan where the sky is that crisp blue and everything is sparkling with snow....than you go out and wham, it's -10. LOL

[3andMe]

I hate the cold, too. Even if the inside of the house is 75 degrees, if the outside is 50 I'm still cold. The corners are still drafty. It drives dh crazy because he's completely the opposite. He gets all sweaty if it's above 60 degrees, and he's happy wearing shorts and sandals in the coldest weather. Fall and winter make me glum for many reasons.

[stephmama]

I was always bored with Hawaiian weather. All sunshine and rainbows all the time, blech. I loved when it rained for 43 days straight. It was great!

[Bridget]

I was always bored with Hawaiian weather. All sunshine and rainbows all the time, blech. I loved when it rained for 43 days straight. It was great!
OMG I remember that! I loved it too. My brother was visiting so he wasn't thrilled but I was loving just staying inside reading all day. I loved not feeling obligated to go out and enjoy the weather! :laugh:
I still can't believe we were in Hawaii at the same time. AND you came to the bar where I worked.

[stephmama]

Remember the raw sewage spilling into the ocean then? Gross! I felt so bad for anyone visiting. Hawaii was all rain with a brown ocean and deadly beaches. Fun!


I know! You probably served me a drink or two. Oh Waikiki, I had many ridiculous nights there. Many I don't even remember....:laugh:

[Bridget]

That was awful. The Ala Wai was a nasty little channel of water to begin with but then add raw sewage to the mix..

I had way too many nights Waikiki that I may or not remember in all of their entirety.
God that was fun.

[stephmama]

Too bad we didn't know each other pre-kids. :winks: :laugh:

[daylilies]

I know what you're saying about fall, Chrissy!
I'm back home. Dh was not receptive when I got home. He was pissed that I left without any notice (even though I did stay overnight and most of a day before I left). He had to use his sick days so he could stay with Josh. His mom could have watched him though, or he could have asked me for our sitter's number.
So he was cleaning when I got home and after about 20 minutes he finally asked me what was up. I ran some things by him that I'd like to see changed and he said they seemed do-able. He said that he's going to give himself more credit and not just stay with me for Josh's sake. If I take off on short notice again he's not going to let me come back. So I guess we have a lot of rebuilding to do.

[The10Eels]

Mimi from that Drew Carey show!! I could SO see that:lol:
Totally what I was expecting too, but her make-up was quite tame... Maybe she ran out, cause she did buy quite a bit... lol


See, I guess I was meant to be a wisconsin girl.
We have to watch Food Network in the cafe at work (per corporate). Today, Sandra Lee was talking about growing up in Madison and I totally thought of you.

[Bridget]

Too bad we didn't know each other pre-kids. :winks: :laugh:
Who knows. Maybe we ran into each other one night and neither of us remember! :laugh:

[stephmama]

Who knows. Maybe we ran into each other one night and neither of us remember! :laugh:


:laugh: It's possible!

[daylilies]

See, this is what I'm talking about. I told DH we had to talk about our issues with sex after Josh went to bed. So he's playing world of warcraft and he has headphones on so he can hear when the group needs to talk to him and he says "Do you want to talk now?" One of the things I told him when I got home was that we needed to have more discussions where he's not on the computer or distracted by something else.

[missychrissy]

I know what you're saying about fall, Chrissy!
I'm back home. Dh was not receptive when I got home. He was pissed that I left without any notice (even though I did stay overnight and most of a day before I left). He had to use his sick days so he could stay with Josh. His mom could have watched him though, or he could have asked me for our sitter's number.
So he was cleaning when I got home and after about 20 minutes he finally asked me what was up. I ran some things by him that I'd like to see changed and he said they seemed do-able. He said that he's going to give himself more credit and not just stay with me for Josh's sake. If I take off on short notice again he's not going to let me come back. So I guess we have a lot of rebuilding to do.

:( This just makes me sad. What did he mean by saying he was going to give himself more credit and not just stay with you for Josh's sake? I hate that he threatened you with not letting you back if you left again. What about just feeling sorry that you felt you needed to go?


See, this is what I'm talking about. I told DH we had to talk about our issues with sex after Josh went to bed. So he's playing world of warcraft and he has headphones on so he can hear when the group needs to talk to him and he says "Do you want to talk now?" One of the things I told him when I got home was that we needed to have more discussions where he's not on the computer or distracted by something else.

Ugh. You should pull the headphone away from his ear and say that.

[missychrissy]

Well, maybe you shouldn't...but I'd certainly be tempted to!!

[demigraf]

we needed to have more discussions where he's not on the computer or distracted by something else.

I feel you here. WAY too many distractions available in this day and age. (that said, I confess that APA, FB and The HuffPo are often way more interesting than hearing about dh's day.)

I hope you do get the chance to be heard. Your DH still sounds receptive to working things out. Do you think that's encouraging?

[daylilies]

:( This just makes me sad. What did he mean by saying he was going to give himself more credit and not just stay with you for Josh's sake? I hate that he threatened you with not letting you back if you left again. What about just feeling sorry that you felt you needed to go?

Well, I think he thinks that because he did well for two days while I was gone, that he would make a good single parent. Apparently Josh is very different with DH as opposed to with me. Josh reacts better to DH's requests for some reason.
He never said he was sorry I felt I needed to go. DH has probably said "sorry" two times since we got together. I don't get a whole lot of feelings out of him to be honest. No passion against me leaving, no real happiness that I'm back, no remorse that things have gotten so bad. It's just sort of business as usual already.
So he was on the computer for hours and then we went to bed, but I did get my message across about the sex issues before we went to bed. Today he's going to be gone all day and I get to be thrown head first into a full day with Josh! I'm going to try my new approaches.

[missychrissy]

I'm so sorry. It doesn't sound like he's putting any effort in to your relationship.

I can relate to what you said about Josh listening to dh better. Conner does the same thing. In fact, I think all my kids did when they were little. When the girls were small, I'd be getting frustrated and snapping at them...I'd finally just look at Rich and say, "HON!?" and he'd speak up. He'd only have to say it once and they'd magically do what it was I wanted. We used to argue about that because I didn't think it was fair for him to just sit right there while I was getting so worked up when he knew it would just take 1 word from him to get them to behave. It really is frustrating.

[The10Eels]

omg omg omg
http://comics.com/flo&friends/2010-10-22/

I confess I just about peed my pants laughing!! That was SOO B!!

[daylilies]

I'm sort of the opposite, Chrissy. I can't stand it when I'm trying to get Josh to do something and DH chimes in. I'm always like "I'm handling it!"
But Josh tends not to listen to either of us when we're both there, so it's a little different.
LOL Ash...that's cute! DH is like those 3 in one printers...good at some technical things, but no emotion.

[Janeen]

I confess... :hi: !!!!!

[The10Eels]

Janeen! I love your avatar!

[Janeen]

lol thanks!

I need to stop lurking in here and start posting more again. :pokey: to me!

[daylilies]

Janeen, that avatar is too cute. How are you? James is adorable!

[The10Eels]

yes! :pokey: to you!!

[Janeen]

I'm doing alright. Ya know, just doing the whole mommy/student/work from home thing. :laugh:

Wanna see something funny? :P

Click me! (http://s127.photobucket.com/albums/p138/illusi0ns4u/Babe%20James/?action=view&current=MVI_1671.mp4)

How is everyone else (besides me) doing!?!?!

[daylilies]

Too funny!
Oh...just read a couple pages back. You missed a lot with me in the last few days. :rolleyes:

[The10Eels]

I confess I just realized you could search people of walmart by state..

So I looked up the Alaska ones, and the third picture in, I KNOW THE PERSON!!

lmfao

[daylilies]

That's hilarious! I didn't know you could search by state. Off to look...

[daylilies]

OMG one of the Massachusetts ones is a picture of Steven Tyler with a fan :)

[Janeen]

Too funny!
Oh...just read a couple pages back. You missed a lot with me in the last few days. :rolleyes:

Well, like I said...I do lurk from time to time. :P

So I'm gathering you left home for a couple of days and just went back? I bounced in and out a few times when I left my ex. The thing is though, I wasn't even going back to work on things really. I was just...living, and it happened to take me back there a few times.

I hope you guys can come to a final conclusion soon.

The back and forth what should I do sucks big time.

[Janeen]

I'm afraid of searching for CO people. I might see myself on there!!! :lol:

[daylilies]

Yeah, I went to my mom's house for a couple days to think. I figured out what I wanted to try to change and I came back yesterday. I think this is the last try though!

[missychrissy]

I confess Conner is being a handful lately. Today I was tempted to just spank his butt and yell, "WHY CAN'T YOU BEHAVE?!!" Of course I didn't, but the feeling was there. :(

Even with my dh and brother here, he's keeping us all on our toes. Nothing is interesting him at all. Anything I try to show him gets hit or thrown. Ugh.

[daylilies]

I know those days...we have days where just nothing makes him happy.
Today was a pretty good day though. I just tried not to make a big deal out of things, like when he dumped all his toys out in the middle of the floor I just reminded him that he would have to clean them up later. And he did. He screamed at me a couple times, but I tried not to react and just stayed patient with him.
Over the last few days he's been saying "I don't love you". Well today we were having a good moment, and he said "I love you mommy." I teased him, "what? you said you love me?" and he said "No! I mean, I don't love you anymore!" But I started to tickle him and he started laughing.

[Bridget]

I'm so conflicted about those Walmart people websites because even as I'm laughing I feel bad like I shouldn't be laughing at people. I'm such a sap.

Kate, I love hearing that things are going well with Josh. Have you ever tried making clean up like a game? Kai is the hardest kid in the world to get to clean up so I just tell him I'm being a crane and use my arms like a crane and make engine noises and he's in. For the daycare kids if they dump out a huge basket of toys and then move on, I just walk over and yell, "My APPLES! My apples fell off the tree and they are going to rot! QUICK! Who can help me load them into this basket so I can make apple pie?!"
It's super goofy but you should see them run to help.

Chrissy, sorry you're having a hard day with Conner. I hate days like that where it feels like nothing keeps them busy and happy.

[daylilies]

Yeah, actually there is a clean up song on youtube that he likes. It's this one if anyone wants to try it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1b4gSs0KhIU I don't even have to play the video anymore, I just start to sing it and he starts to sing and clean up. He also likes the "teamwork" song from wonder pets when I'm helping him with things.

[missychrissy]

Apparently that's all I needed to do was post about it, because he's been quiet ever since :D lol

[daylilies]

That happens to me too! I post about a problem and it's resolved soon after.

[stash]

I confess my mom just left, and I am so sad.

[Bridget]

I confess my mom just left, and I am so sad.
:hugs:
Mama's rock.

[stash]

:hugs:
Mama's rock.

Dude, she attended all three of my births. :wub:

[missychrissy]

:hugs: Stacy. It's wonderful she could be there for all 3 births.

[Bridget]

My mom was there for Savana's, took care of Savana for Kai's. They both came out with perfect timing for her trip from wisconsin to hawaii.

I sure will miss her this time.

[AmeriBrit]

Y'all sound like y'all have wonderful mommas. I'm envious. My mom has never been motherly to me and I sure feel like I missed out on something there.

[AmeriBrit]

Oh and hey Janeen. I was wondering why you abandoned us in here...we've missed ya!

[Janeen]

I shall not abandon anymore! :P

[Janeen]

James was my moms 10th grandchild. She has never seen one of them be born though so that was important to me when James was born.

Unfortunately, we ended in a c-section so that still didn't happen. Here's to the next try!

[Janeen]

Here's some pics from last night (http://americanpregnancy.org/forums/showthread.php?t=284017) if anyone wants to take a gander. :)

[AmeriBrit]

Good. It's less work for me to stalk you then if we see you here, J!

[Janeen]

Good. It's less work for me to stalk you then if we see you here, J!

Especially if I post links and stuff, huh? :laugh:

[daylilies]

LOL Janeen! I love the pics, especially the one where he's toppled over.

[Janeen]

LOL Janeen! I love the pics, especially the one where he's toppled over.

:)

[daylilies]

So I'm really pleased with the things they are teaching Josh at his church school. Today he came home with a seashell and he said "This came from the Earth and I am supposed to take care of it. I'm going to put it in the window where it can be in the sunlight and where mommy and daddy can see it." :) :wub:

[Janeen]

So I'm really pleased with the things they are teaching Josh at his church school. Today he came home with a seashell and he said "This came from the Earth and I am supposed to take care of it. I'm going to put it in the window where it can be in the sunlight and where mommy and daddy can see it." :) :wub:

I think that's super cool.

[daylilies]

I think I have to be more conscientious about recycling and things like that or Josh is going to be upset with me!

[stash]

Hugs, Bridget. I know it's not the same, but will your dad and brother be around?

[Bridget]

Hugs, Bridget. I know it's not the same, but will your dad and brother be around?
Thanks, Stacy. Yes, they'll be around. And they are both amazing men. It's just an hour drive for them so I know they'd both be here in a moments notice. My dad said to me, "I'll be there. But do I have to be there?" which I thought was hilarious and I assured him he didn't have to watch the birth.
My brother said, "Not to weird you out or anything but I think I could handle, like, holding your hand or whatever if you need me to." :wub: Though I think I'll pass on the offer, it means the world to me.

[missychrissy]

It's interesting how vastly different we can be in our preferences for who's there and who's not when we give birth. Both my father and brother were there and saw Sydney be born. My father even cut her cord.

You couldn't have paid me to allow my mother in the room though. :D

[Bridget]

I'm frustrated. Since our dog bit Kai, I'm trying to figure out a way to find Koa a new home. I put an ad on craigslist with a rehoming fee but then spoke to the woman who helped us train him and she said she'd help us. She told me there are several puppy mills in our area (he's not fixed yet) and she'd stay away from craigslist. I trust her. She said she has several people in mind that are adult only households that would likely love to have our sweet dog. But no rehoming fee because they'll have to get him fixed. I'm fine with that. The always understood the rehoming fee on craigslist just to be some sort of semi futile grasp that you'd get someone who really wanted the dog because they are willing to pay.
So while on one hand dbf is being all sad and upset that we have to get rid of Koa because he loves him so much. And I can sympathize because I love Koa too but he bit my child. He needs to be a different, loving home. So it's become this whole vibe that I'm being the bad guy because I will not sway and I want to let our trainer help us rehome him.
On the other hand, he wants to "get some of the money back" we paid for Koa. :eyebrow: Meaning, sell him on craigslist. How can he choose money over a guarantee that Koa goes to a good place? And at the same time make me feel guilty that I won't let Koa stay. It just makes no sense to me and it disturbs me.

I feel really alone with this process.

[missychrissy]

Bridget I'm sorry. It seems to me that he's just saying whatever he can to make you feel worse. :(

[daylilies]

I wish I knew how to help you, Bridget. I thought maybe you could try to give Koa to someone on APA. Maybe someone here without children would love to have her(?)

[missychrissy]

I got my boudoir pics, at least the digital copies. If anyone cares to take a gander, let me know & I'll send you the link and the password to view them. Just be warned, in 1 I'm nearly naked. All the 'fun' parts are covered, but it leaves nothing to the imagination. May very well be tmi for some :D

I would like input on choosing which ones to have printed. Right now I have 4 and will hopefully be purchasing 6 more. The 4 I have are in color and black & white. I need to choose which to have printed & framed and I really cannot pick!

[Bridget]

I wish I knew how to help you, Bridget. I thought maybe you could try to give Koa to someone on APA. Maybe someone here without children would love to have her(?)
Our trainer will find him a good home, I've no doubt about that. Dbf is just being difficult. In my opinion he should be stepping up and taking the bulk of this responsibility since it happened on his watch. I'm just upset that he's not more upset that Kai got bit.

And Chrissy, I wanna see!!!

[AmeriBrit]

Ooh, I'll look Chrissy. I'd like to see if I could have some done, too!

[daylilies]

I'd like to see them too Chrissy!

[stash]

Ooo, I want to see!

[AmeriBrit]

I nearly had a heart attack when the doctors office called about my urine sample that I had to take in today...thought they were going to say "you're pregnant." LOL..turns out they think I have a uti and need another sample...they always think I might have a uti as my white blood count is always higher than average...any way...what a relief! LOL

[missychrissy]

That would scare the crap outta me too. That's the last thing I need or want right now.

[daylilies]

That happened to me once, too! Scary. LOL

[Gwenn]

I wish I knew how to help you, Bridget. I thought maybe you could try to give Koa to someone on APA. Maybe someone here without children would love to have her(?)

Koa sounds like a sweetheart and I would love her I'm sure and but with Gwennie's issues and DH gone I'm not in a spot to take in another animal right now. That being said, if you can't find her a home, let me know as I'd rather take her than see her go to the pound.

Chrissy, I'd love to see!

[Bridget]

Thanks, Gwenn. No worries abou that though. We'd never give Koa to the pound. I honestly can't think of a scenario where I'd give any animal to the pound.
The woman helping us emailed me today and said there are 2 families that want him so they are seeing which one would be the best match. One has a 15 year old and one has no children. It sounds like a really strict program. They have to commit to visits from the trainer, high quality dog food, and behavior modification training.

[Gwenn]

Wow, that's awesome! Sounds like a great program!

[daylilies]

Speaking of pets, my mom got kittens and I'm irritated with how she's handling it. She doesn't want to feed them the expensive food the shelter gave her because she can't get more at the grocery store. She doesn't want them to scratch her furniture but she laughed when I suggested putting tape on the couch to deter them. I know it would be ugly, but if it saves the furniture...
She said they were "kind of pathetic" the first day she got them because they hid under the couch. She played her weird music loudly like she always does and constantly tried to talk to them loudly instead of letting them feel the place out. She said she wouldn't make the place quiet because they'd have to get used to it sometime. Yeah but...the first day?
The place made her sign a thing that said she wouldn't declaw them, but she said if they scratch anything she'd consider getting them declawed.
I don't understand why she wants kittens so bad if she's not even willing to accomodate them...

[Gwenn]

It's too bad she can't even take some time to let the kittens get used to her - I hope things go okay.

[daylilies]

Well, she has always had cats and she emailed me today and said they were out of hiding and they had both sat on her lap earlier (she only got them a few days ago, when I was up there). I think they'll be fine...I just feel kind of bad that she's not being a little more gradual with the process.

[AbbeysMom]

I'm frustrated. Since our dog bit Kai, I'm trying to figure out a way to find Koa a new home. I put an ad on craigslist with a rehoming fee but then spoke to the woman who helped us train him and she said she'd help us. She told me there are several puppy mills in our area (he's not fixed yet) and she'd stay away from craigslist. I trust her. She said she has several people in mind that are adult only households that would likely love to have our sweet dog. But no rehoming fee because they'll have to get him fixed. I'm fine with that. The always understood the rehoming fee on craigslist just to be some sort of semi futile grasp that you'd get someone who really wanted the dog because they are willing to pay.
So while on one hand dbf is being all sad and upset that we have to get rid of Koa because he loves him so much. And I can sympathize because I love Koa too but he bit my child. He needs to be a different, loving home. So it's become this whole vibe that I'm being the bad guy because I will not sway and I want to let our trainer help us rehome him.
On the other hand, he wants to "get some of the money back" we paid for Koa. :eyebrow: Meaning, sell him on craigslist. How can he choose money over a guarantee that Koa goes to a good place? And at the same time make me feel guilty that I won't let Koa stay. It just makes no sense to me and it disturbs me.

I feel really alone with this process.

I agree, that sounds nonsensical and disturbing. I hope Koa's new home is perfect for him so you can rest easy that you did the right thing.


I got my boudoir pics, at least the digital copies. If anyone cares to take a gander, let me know & I'll send you the link and the password to view them. Just be warned, in 1 I'm nearly naked. All the 'fun' parts are covered, but it leaves nothing to the imagination. May very well be tmi for some :D

I would like input on choosing which ones to have printed. Right now I have 4 and will hopefully be purchasing 6 more. The 4 I have are in color and black & white. I need to choose which to have printed & framed and I really cannot pick!

I wanna see! I'd love to do something like that for DH in about - 30 lbs from now.


Speaking of pets, my mom got kittens and I'm irritated with how she's handling it. She doesn't want to feed them the expensive food the shelter gave her because she can't get more at the grocery store. She doesn't want them to scratch her furniture but she laughed when I suggested putting tape on the couch to deter them. I know it would be ugly, but if it saves the furniture...
She said they were "kind of pathetic" the first day she got them because they hid under the couch. She played her weird music loudly like she always does and constantly tried to talk to them loudly instead of letting them feel the place out. She said she wouldn't make the place quiet because they'd have to get used to it sometime. Yeah but...the first day?
The place made her sign a thing that said she wouldn't declaw them, but she said if they scratch anything she'd consider getting them declawed.
I don't understand why she wants kittens so bad if she's not even willing to accomodate them...

Ew. Declawing cats is like cutting off their fingers. It's really a cruel thing to do, IMO.

[girlwonder]

I got my boudoir pics, at least the digital copies. If anyone cares to take a gander, let me know & I'll send you the link and the password to view them. Just be warned, in 1 I'm nearly naked. All the 'fun' parts are covered, but it leaves nothing to the imagination. May very well be tmi for some :D

I would like input on choosing which ones to have printed. Right now I have 4 and will hopefully be purchasing 6 more. The 4 I have are in color and black & white. I need to choose which to have printed & framed and I really cannot pick!


You're so brave! I want to see them! I have been having a hard time lately feeling like a completely neutered and non-sexual being. I weigh twenty pounds more than I should and my body never bounced back from pg and I can't imagine taking boudoir photos the way I feel now -you are too cool to do that!

I hope that they made you feel fabulous!

[missychrissy]

Thanks, Gwenn. No worries abou that though. We'd never give Koa to the pound. I honestly can't think of a scenario where I'd give any animal to the pound.
The woman helping us emailed me today and said there are 2 families that want him so they are seeing which one would be the best match. One has a 15 year old and one has no children. It sounds like a really strict program. They have to commit to visits from the trainer, high quality dog food, and behavior modification training.

That does sound like a good program. I'm sure Koa will be happy.


Speaking of pets, my mom got kittens and I'm irritated with how she's handling it. She doesn't want to feed them the expensive food the shelter gave her because she can't get more at the grocery store. She doesn't want them to scratch her furniture but she laughed when I suggested putting tape on the couch to deter them. I know it would be ugly, but if it saves the furniture...
She said they were "kind of pathetic" the first day she got them because they hid under the couch. She played her weird music loudly like she always does and constantly tried to talk to them loudly instead of letting them feel the place out. She said she wouldn't make the place quiet because they'd have to get used to it sometime. Yeah but...the first day?
The place made her sign a thing that said she wouldn't declaw them, but she said if they scratch anything she'd consider getting them declawed.
I don't understand why she wants kittens so bad if she's not even willing to accomodate them...

Ugh. It seems like she'd want them to feel comfortable and happy.


You're so brave! I want to see them! I have been having a hard time lately feeling like a completely neutered and non-sexual being. I weigh twenty pounds more than I should and my body never bounced back from pg and I can't imagine taking boudoir photos the way I feel now -you are too cool to do that!

I hope that they made you feel fabulous!

It was definitely a bizarre experience, and I don't mean that in a negative way. It was fun and I learned first hand that 'modeling' can be tedious and a lot of work. So many things I wouldn't have thought about-like not actually resting my face on my hand so as not to pull my check up. And getting shaky while the photography snapped many pics. I didn't choose that pose for this bunch though...there are 6 more I'd like to buy before Christmas.

My body isn't perfect, but I keep telling myself that some day when I'm in my 60's I'll probably love that I have these photographs. Heck, I love having them now but I'm sure it'll just grow with age. I can have one on my nightstand at the senior home :D lol



So far, so good with Rich. I'm still not believing that everything is going to magically be better, but it amazes me how much of a different person he is when he's not drinking. I am starting to feel a little smothered though, because he's overcompensating with the affection. I need to tell him he doesn't have anything to make up for. Just don't do it again.

[missychrissy]

I wanna see! I'd love to do something like that for DH in about - 30 lbs from now.
I tried to send you the info, but your inbox is full.

[stash]

Tell her about softpaws. They're little covers for their claws that you superglue on. They actually work.