Secular Confessions

[stash]

Oscar is OBSESSED with how things work. Not vehicles, but anything that moves. Machines. I don't think it's a boy thing because he doesn't sway toward other typical boy things. It's just the way his brain works. He's getting a variety of erector set-like things for his birthday. He's constantly telling me about "his machines" - the machines he imagines building in his head. It's lovely.

Krista, I'm going to be blunt. There is nothing to feel shame for. **** happens. You guys screwed up. We all screw up. Your screw-up happened to land you in an awkward place that you WILL work your way out of. Shame and guilt will be abso-freakin-lutely nothing to help the situation and will most likely dig your butt further into a hole of some sort. You'll be paralyzed with fear and shame and not have the freedom of mental space to think of strategies to make things better. You'll continue to gain weight and feel even WORSE, compelling the cycle to continue.

Your husband is wrong. Things won't simply be okay. I mean, they WILL be okay, but someone needs to acknowledge your feelings. It's scary. It's stupid. It's annoying. It's going to be difficult. No doubt. Saying it will simply be okay is dismissing and denying the reality that even though it WILL be okay, it will suck. Tell him that. That even though you appreciate his positive attitude, he needs to get real and talk about what this really MEANS. I can empathize with this, because I have a husband who is super-optimist-man. It's great, but sometimes I have to look him in the face and say DUDE THIS SUCKS ADMIT IT. :eyeroll: :P

Okay, so exercise sucks. Agreed. Where do you live and what do you like to do? Are walks an option? Gardening?

[missychrissy]

I have to say I agree, exercise sucks. Even though I feel wonderful after running, I never really feel like I want to do it. I force myself to.

I started out walking 2 miles a day. I never intended on becoming a runner. It just happened. I think I walked 2 miles a day for 2 or 3 years before I started trying to jog. My initial attempts at it were laughable.

[Cosmosmom]

I third exercise sucks :P

Now to just figure out how to force myself to do it. Only thing I ever liked was swimming and don't have a pool anymore and the local ones are not great. Plus I was always a slow lazy swimmer anyway, more of a floater. :)

[intactivstmom]

I realize that I sound insensitive about how fast I got out of the house...I didn't think about it in terms other than my own experience...so I'm sorry if I sounded like I think everyone should just snap right back :hugs:


I didn't think you sounded insensitive, I only thought of it in terms of your own experience, and I only meant mine in terms of my own experience. :hugs:


wow-that's big. Is this a sudden decision, or have you been discussing it for a while? I wish you both luck!

It was sudden for me, but not for him. He has been thinking about it a lot more than I realized, but he never really talked about it. Dh has some pretty serious communication issues. Every once in a while he would mention something about wanting a new job. Then yesterday he broken down and told me all about everything and begged me to let him quit.

[intactivstmom]

Oscar is OBSESSED with how things work. Not vehicles, but anything that moves. Machines. I don't think it's a boy thing because he doesn't sway toward other typical boy things. It's just the way his brain works. He's getting a variety of erector set-like things for his birthday. He's constantly telling me about "his machines" - the machines he imagines building in his head. It's lovely.


That is awesome. You are awesome too, for supporting that and getting him presents to encourage him.
Dh has a very mechanical brain too. He studies machines and figures out how they work and then tries to figure out how to make them better. He wanted to make me a breast pump when Robbie was in the NICU but I didn't think I could support that endeavor. :eyeroll:

[missychrissy]

I confess I had every intention of running last night, but I fell asleep on the love-seat waiting for 8:00 pm to come around. I napped till after 10!

[daylilies]

I'm really hoping that it's true that what you eat matters so much more than how much you exercise. I think I could like healthy food more easily than I could make myself like exercise. LOL
So last night as sort of a "last hurrah" as I called it, I made some 'terrible for you but oh so good' queso dip with the leftover Velveeta (I never had Velveeta in my life until my husband wanted me to make this queso dip recipe he heard about) and we finished off the chips too. I think with it being summer it will be easier to eat healthy. I hope.

[midgeend]

I'm really hoping that it's true that what you eat matters so much more than how much you exercise. I think I could like healthy food more easily than I could make myself like exercise. LOL
So last night as sort of a "last hurrah" as I called it, I made some 'terrible for you but oh so good' queso dip with the leftover Velveeta (I never had Velveeta in my life until my husband wanted me to make this queso dip recipe he heard about) and we finished off the chips too. I think with it being summer it will be easier to eat healthy. I hope.

I think it's true. I lost 40 pounds 6 years ago, just using the WW program, the online version. Then after Annie was born, same thing, 30-40 pounds, diet alone. And I'm hoping that it works again, because now I don't see where I'll have time to exercise with the two kids, and no funds for a gym membership.

[missychrissy]

Walk! We'll go hiking in the gorges. I like to hit each one at least once a season. I better get moving on that, we haven't been to any yet.

[3andMe]

I'm really hoping that it's true that what you eat matters so much more than how much you exercise. I think I could like healthy food more easily than I could make myself like exercise. LOL


From what I've read recently, diet helps much more with weight loss than exercise. Fewer calories, and healthy eating = weight loss. Exercise helps in general with health and cardiovascular fitness and metabolism, but is not the big part of losing weight.

[intactivstmom]

I'm worried you will all hate me when I tell you I'm trying to gain weight so when we ttc at the end of the year I am at a better weight for pregnancy. With Robbie I was told I was technically underweight and need to gain 40lbs.

Maybe we can figure out a way to switch metabolisms or something.

[missychrissy]

Nah, I don't hate you. I spent most my life being underweight. I don't know what happened, but at 28 it changed. Hopefully you'll continue on.

eta: What am I saying? I'm a size 7, it's not like I need to lose any more weight. If I stay here forever, I'll be ok with it. But I would like to lose 10 more lbs. lol

[Gwenn]

Nah, I don't hate you. I spent most my life being underweight. I don't know what happened, but at 28 it changed. Hopefully you'll continue on.

eta: What am I saying? I'm a size 7, it's not like I need to lose any more weight. If I stay here forever, I'll be ok with it. But I would like to lose 10 more lbs. lol

Yeah, I was very thin throughout my teens and 20s. I also started to put on a little weight around 28/29. It just starts to catch up with you at that point. I wouldn't call myself overweight now, but I'd like to lose about 10 lbs.

[daylilies]

I don't hate you. Weight problems go both ways. I'm sure it's just as hard to try to put on weight (healthily, anyway) as it is to lose it.

[stash]

My husband has always been on the underweight side, me on the overweight side. Both are a pain in the ass.

Diet is way more important for weight loss than exercise. In fact, sometimes when I'm very active I have MORE difficulty losing weight because for me very active = bigger appetite.

[AbbeysMom]

I confess I killed the knocked-up-heathens thread and I'm sorry. :shame:

I haven't posted in forever but read what y'all have written all the time, so I'm like a crazy secular stalker.
:hi:


Dh has a very mechanical brain too. He studies machines and figures out how they work and then tries to figure out how to make them better. He wanted to make me a breast pump when Robbie was in the NICU but I didn't think I could support that endeavor. :eyeroll:

That sounds like something my DH would offer. :laugh:

[missychrissy]

My husband was fascinated with my first breast pump. He had to check it all out and compare/contrast it with the milk pumps he used in the dairy barns. :lol: He marveled at the smaller pieces, but I take it they're very similar.

He also informed me that the name of Petocin (sp?) is very similar to what they use to induce labor in cows, but now I cannot remember what he said it was.

[AmeriBrit]

I confess I killed the knocked-up-heathens thread and I'm sorry. :shame:

You didn't kill it, we just need to revive it...come on, people, start posting about your pregnancies on the other thread! LOL.

I read a lot more on here than I post just cause a lot of times I feel like I don't have much to add to the conversation.

[missychrissy]

oops, sorry :shame:

[missychrissy]

My husband was fascinated with my first breast pump. He had to check it all out and compare/contrast it with the milk pumps he used in the dairy barns. :lol: He marveled at the smaller pieces, but I take it they're very similar.

He also informed me that the name of Petocin (sp?) is very similar to what they use to induce labor in cows, but now I cannot remember what he said it was.

Oxytocin, I googled it. :D

[AbbeysMom]

My husband was fascinated with my first breast pump. He had to check it all out and compare/contrast it with the milk pumps he used in the dairy barns. :lol: He marveled at the smaller pieces, but I take it they're very similar.

He also informed me that the name of Petocin (sp?) is very similar to what they use to induce labor in cows, but now I cannot remember what he said it was.

OMG, my DH also compared parts of my labor to back when he helped with "laboring cows on the farm"... until I told him he was essentially comparing me to a cow, which made him a complete arse. :pokey:

[missychrissy]

You didn't kill it, we just need to revive it...come on, people, start posting about your pregnancies on the other thread! LOL.

I read a lot more on here than I post just cause a lot of times I feel like I don't have much to add to the conversation.
I'm not pregnant :truce: But if y'all start posting over there, I'm coming with ya.

[missychrissy]

OMG, my DH also compared parts of my labor to back when he helped with "laboring cows on the farm"... until I told him he was essentially comparing me to a cow, which made him a complete arse. :pokey:
We had that conversation too...he calls me his Heifer. With him, it's not an insult though. You'd have to know him and hear the context to really believe he's not being insulting in any way. :laugh:

[AmeriBrit]

LOL. Farm talk is funny. I was reading a book about labor the other day and it was comparing human births to animal births and it said a lot of men will say "why don't animals make such a big fuss over labor like women do" and it went on to explain how our brains are more complex for dealing with the pain as well as our body structure being different...lol..interesting stuff!

[missychrissy]

Cows moan in labor. I've heard them. :( But the human brain is very fascinating.

[shutterbird]

My husband has always been on the underweight side, me on the overweight side. Both are a pain in the ass.

Diet is way more important for weight loss than exercise. In fact, sometimes when I'm very active I have MORE difficulty losing weight because for me very active = bigger appetite.

She's right... and that's why I can't lose weight. I suck at the diet part. :pokey: (to me)

[Ky'sMom]

She's right... and that's why I can't lose weight. I suck at the diet part. :pokey: (to me)

I suck at the diet part too because I like to eat a lot. Luckily I dropped some weight really quickly by just eating more veggies and drinking water and not eating fast food more than once amonth, but now I'm at my pre-PG weight with Ky and back before I got PG with him I had issues losing weight because of my eating habits so I'm going to think of one big thing to change and go with that for a while.

I actually love working out and crave it and get depressed when I don't.

Actually came on here to confess that I'm so upset that the brakes went out on my van and I don't have any money to fix it since they cut off unemployment benefits so now I can't go workout at the gym during my normal time anymore and I've been feeling kind of blue for the past 8 days that I haven't worked out. Sigh.....Luckily DH did some tweaking on his huge old 82 Silverado that is in need of a muffler so I will be waking up the neighborhood at 5am tomorrow to go to the gym.

Erin

[missychrissy]

I hate to admit it, but I think smoking helped with my appetite suppression. I am afraid of gaining weight again if I quit. I've already missed my quit date because of that fear.

[AbbeysMom]

I hate to admit it, but I think smoking helped with my appetite suppression. I am afraid of gaining weight again if I quit. I've already missed my quit date because of that fear.

I lost 5 pounds when I quit because I was more active without really trying. I would get winded or avoid walking long distances but my lungs got stronger and my body followed.

[girlwonder]

I hate to admit it, but I think smoking helped with my appetite suppression. I am afraid of gaining weight again if I quit. I've already missed my quit date because of that fear.

I really truly recommend Allen Carr's book "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking". Terrible title, but it was so helpful to me. It helped me work through a lot of my fears like gaining weight, etc. Even if you don't quit now you can read the book and allow the ideas to percolate and float around in your head to make you stronger when you do decide to quit. I cannot say enough good things about this program/book.

[Cosmosmom]

I hate to admit it, but I think smoking helped with my appetite suppression. I am afraid of gaining weight again if I quit. I've already missed my quit date because of that fear.

But don't you think that even if you gained 10-20 lbs....that would be healthier in the long run than smoking?

Smoking really ages women but a little bit of fat makes us look younger (not obesity but just a little bit more fullness in the face is what I'm talking about).

Plus smoking is soooo expensive!

I really wish my MIL would quite but she has been smoking for like 40-45 years probably. At least when visiting me she smokes less since I won't allow it in my house....especially with DH's allergies and my asthma.

[missychrissy]

I really truly recommend Allen Carr's book "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking". Terrible title, but it was so helpful to me. It helped me work through a lot of my fears like gaining weight, etc. Even if you don't quit now you can read the book and allow the ideas to percolate and float around in your head to make you stronger when you do decide to quit. I cannot say enough good things about this program/book.

Thanks, I'll have to look for that book.

[Bridget]

Chrissy, I had that same worry. In fact, it's probably part of the reason I didn't quit until I had to when I got pregnant with Savana.
But I will say that I didn't start again and 8 months after I had Savana I was in better shape than I'd been in before I became pregnant. I could work out harder and longer. And let's face it, if you have the strength and willpower to quit smoking, you have the strenth and willpower to resist pointless eating.
You can do it. You can quit smoking and keep your hot bod. I'm sure of it.

[missychrissy]

I dunno...I started gaining weight right after I quit smoking. In 3 or 4 months, I was up 15 lbs. By a year, I was up another 15. That was 30 lbs total weight gain. I told myself at the time that it was because I was closer to 30 and that's what happens when you age. But then I was stuck at 150 and could not lose another lb to save my life...till I started smoking again and in less than 3 months I'm back to 140. I shouldn't even let myself think about it, but that's how it's happened.

I cannot say that if I did succeed in quitting now that I'd stay quit if I gained those 10 lbs back. I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous, but I absolutely do not want to weigh more than 140. Even if that means I have to have a pack a day habit.

Believe me, I tell myself I'm ridiculous every time I think that...I'm just being honest with the thoughts that go through my head.

I will definitely try to not eat like a pig when I quit. I fear the food cravings will be worse than the nicotine ones though. I don't think I'm strong enough to fight those.

[missychrissy]

I do appreciate all your support. It does help...I'm hoping this week I will stop smoking and just see what happens.

[intactivstmom]

And let's face it, if you have the strength and willpower to quit smoking, you have the strenth and willpower to resist pointless eating.
You can do it. You can quit smoking and keep your hot bod. I'm sure of it.

This makes a lot of sense to me.

[Gwenn]

I dunno...I started gaining weight right after I quit smoking. In 3 or 4 months, I was up 15 lbs. By a year, I was up another 15. That was 30 lbs total weight gain. I told myself at the time that it was because I was closer to 30 and that's what happens when you age. But then I was stuck at 150 and could not lose another lb to save my life...till I started smoking again and in less than 3 months I'm back to 140. I shouldn't even let myself think about it, but that's how it's happened.

I cannot say that if I did succeed in quitting now that I'd stay quit if I gained those 10 lbs back. I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous, but I absolutely do not want to weigh more than 140. Even if that means I have to have a pack a day habit.

Believe me, I tell myself I'm ridiculous every time I think that...I'm just being honest with the thoughts that go through my head.

I will definitely try to not eat like a pig when I quit. I fear the food cravings will be worse than the nicotine ones though. I don't think I'm strong enough to fight those.

Chrissy, seriously, it isn't worth it. 10 lbs? Not worth the health risk, and smoking will age you far more than 10 lbs will. I agree, if you can quit smoking you can resist eating. Find a replacement you can live with, like chewing sugar free gum or something.

[Gwenn]

I confess I've been feeling really down about my looks lately. Really, really down. Well, DH is coming for another visit and I decided I'm not going to feel bad about myself any longer. After he lost his job, I haven't had a professional hair cut and stopped getting my brows done, etc. It was just too much money and I couldn't justify it. I got my hair cut last week but still thought I looked like crap. Today I went and got my brows done for the first time in two years, and I keep walking by the mirror and thinking I look SO much better. Like, it's taken 5 years off me. Now I'm just pissed at myself for letting myself go for so long.

[daylilies]

I'm glad you feel better about how you look, Gwenn.
My husband hates short hair and shaped eyebrows so if I look like crap I only have him to blame LOL

[Bridget]

Gwenn, it's crazy how eyebrow shaping can make such a difference. I have naturally...thick eyebrows. For years my one friend would tell me I should get them waxed and I never cared to. Then one day another good friend was doing my hair at the salon she worked at and she insisted. I couldn't believe the difference. And over the next few weeks I got a ridiculous amount of comments on how great I looked and how something was different. I couldn't believe it.
I do my own now with those sally hansen strips.

[missychrissy]

Eyebrow waxing is mandatory for me. I have a uni-brow. Ugh.

I'm glad you did something for yourself. Even if you let your hair go due to finances, I think you should still go in for your eyebrows. It'll feel and look so nice!

[daylilies]

You know, I think I might get my eyebrows done sometime. I bet DH won't even notice LOL

[missychrissy]

You really should. I love how mine look when they're first done. I don't know if my dh notices or not...but he fell in love with me way before I knew what tweezing was, so if he could love me with bushy brows, he can love me in various stages of waxed. :D

[Cosmosmom]

My hair stylist asks if I want my eyebrows done. I have always said no. I don't have a uni-brow....and I have bangs and wear glasses so most of the time they aren't really visible. Usually just the first week or so after a cut since I have her go a little bit shorter on bangs than is ideal...so I can make a cut last more like 7 weeks instead of 5 weeks.

[midgeend]

Actually came on here to confess that I'm so upset that the brakes went out on my van and I don't have any money to fix it since they cut off unemployment benefits so now I can't go workout at the gym during my normal time anymore and I've been feeling kind of blue for the past 8 days that I haven't worked out. Sigh.....Luckily DH did some tweaking on his huge old 82 Silverado that is in need of a muffler so I will be waking up the neighborhood at 5am tomorrow to go to the gym.

Erin

:hugs: i hate car trouble. it really stinks.


I hate to admit it, but I think smoking helped with my appetite suppression. I am afraid of gaining weight again if I quit. I've already missed my quit date because of that fear.
.
when i quit, i became crazy vigilant about tracking food and water...maybe obsessively so, b/c i was terrified to put weight back on. i ended up losing 3 pounds before getting pg w/ annie. it was like a game for me...something to prove almost - like "i can quit, and not get fat...i'll show you, body" i'm very competitive...so that worked for me.


You know, I think I might get my eyebrows done sometime. I bet DH won't even notice LOL


you will love it...it makes me feel so good about how i look.

[daylilies]

But then I will have to start wearing eyebrow pencil because you can barely see my eyebrows if I don't. LOL
I go through makeup phases...right now I'm in a "no makeup" phase. :D

[missychrissy]

Actually came on here to confess that I'm so upset that the brakes went out on my van and I don't have any money to fix it since they cut off unemployment benefits so now I can't go workout at the gym during my normal time anymore and I've been feeling kind of blue for the past 8 days that I haven't worked out. Sigh.....Luckily DH did some tweaking on his huge old 82 Silverado that is in need of a muffler so I will be waking up the neighborhood at 5am tomorrow to go to the gym.

Erin

I'm sorry I missed this. :hugs: I hate care troubles. And I hate that you're out of unemployment too.


when i quit, i became crazy vigilant about tracking food and water...maybe obsessively so, b/c i was terrified to put weight back on. i ended up losing 3 pounds before getting pg w/ annie. it was like a game for me...something to prove almost - like "i can quit, and not get fat...i'll show you, body" i'm very competitive...so that worked for me.
That's a really good attitude to have. I will definitely talk to myself in that manner when the time comes.

[stash]

I confess I've been working since 6am and am still in my jammies.

[missychrissy]

Lucky to still be in your jammies...but ewe at the 6 am bit.

I'm wearing my new size 7 jeans and feeling pretty stinking hot today. :P lol

[daylilies]

So I tried to meet up with a friend at the zoo but we couldn't find a parking place, so we went home and I called her. She didn't pick up and now two hours later she called and I asked if she wanted to come over here later. She said she has to talk to her son (who's 3) and call me back in half an hour. It takes that long to ask a child if he wants to go see a friend? LOL
I swear sometimes trying to make friends is more of a PITA than it's worth. I've set aside my whole day to possibly meet up with a person who asked me if I was pregnant when we first met. (I wasn't, LOL)
Sorry...I'm in a mood again today!
Josh has become sort of vicious lately....when I tell him no, or ask him to stop something, no matter how gently or compromisingly I try to tell him, he attacks me. Flails with his arms, scratches me, screams in my face, that kind of thing. It's lovely. DH is on my case about feeling so distant from me and yet every time he opens his mouth he backhandedly insults me or he doesn't listen to me or something. How can I respect and feel close to someone who treats me like that? When I feel like he doesn't hear or care about a word I say? Sooo I just feel like I'm kind of in a nightmare these days.

[Gwenn]

So I tried to meet up with a friend at the zoo but we couldn't find a parking place, so we went home and I called her. She didn't pick up and now two hours later she called and I asked if she wanted to come over here later. She said she has to talk to her son (who's 3) and call me back in half an hour. It takes that long to ask a child if he wants to go see a friend? LOL
I swear sometimes trying to make friends is more of a PITA than it's worth. I've set aside my whole day to possibly meet up with a person who asked me if I was pregnant when we first met. (I wasn't, LOL)
Sorry...I'm in a mood again today!
Josh has become sort of vicious lately....when I tell him no, or ask him to stop something, no matter how gently or compromisingly I try to tell him, he attacks me. Flails with his arms, scratches me, screams in my face, that kind of thing. It's lovely. DH is on my case about feeling so distant from me and yet every time he opens his mouth he backhandedly insults me or he doesn't listen to me or something. How can I respect and feel close to someone who treats me like that? When I feel like he doesn't hear or care about a word I say? Sooo I just feel like I'm kind of in a nightmare these days.

:hugs: Ugh. I hope things get better.

[daylilies]

Thanks Gwenn...
Pretty soon I'm just gonna go out and forget about the playdate. She still hasn't called me back!
Hahaha...I just told Josh to go wash the jam off his face and he laughed and said "Jam???" I usually say jelly. He was totally confused.

[missychrissy]

:hugs: I think a serious sit-down is in order. You're right, you cannot be close to him if he doesn't listen.

[daylilies]

He'll just say I get offended too easily and that I take everything the wrong way. Maybe I do. I don't know.
Heck with it, I need to go put a bra on (the wire popped out of the one I was wearing this morning) and go grocery shopping.

[intactivstmom]

So I tried to meet up with a friend at the zoo but we couldn't find a parking place, so we went home and I called her. She didn't pick up and now two hours later she called and I asked if she wanted to come over here later. She said she has to talk to her son (who's 3) and call me back in half an hour. It takes that long to ask a child if he wants to go see a friend? LOL
I swear sometimes trying to make friends is more of a PITA than it's worth. I've set aside my whole day to possibly meet up with a person who asked me if I was pregnant when we first met. (I wasn't, LOL)
Sorry...I'm in a mood again today!
Josh has become sort of vicious lately....when I tell him no, or ask him to stop something, no matter how gently or compromisingly I try to tell him, he attacks me. Flails with his arms, scratches me, screams in my face, that kind of thing. It's lovely. DH is on my case about feeling so distant from me and yet every time he opens his mouth he backhandedly insults me or he doesn't listen to me or something. How can I respect and feel close to someone who treats me like that? When I feel like he doesn't hear or care about a word I say? Sooo I just feel like I'm kind of in a nightmare these days.

I'm sorry things are so crappy for you.

I have such a hard time meeting people too. The friends we do have stand us up 80% of the time. I wish all the time that I lived by some APA mommas.

[Bridget]

Okay, I just looked in the mirror and realized I'm way overdue for an eyebrow wax. I swear, you guys, life has taken a toll on me lately. I look like crap. Sometimes I look in the mirror midday and I'm like :eyebrow:.

My best friend just texted me and asked me if her, her dh and kids could come over for a sleepover on friday night and bring dinner. I love her so much. Her kids are super wild and usually break something in my house almost every time they come over but it's worth it. She is a fabulous friend. I'm glad I still have my old friends around because I'd hate to try to meet new friends now. I feel like most women my age think I'm a little strange.

I think I need a ticker and I don't know how to make one. Anyone feel like helping me?

[daylilies]

:headbang:
I'll spare you another rant...but I should have stayed home. LOL

[Bridget]

One of my daycare parents is a few years younger than me. She looks me up and down every single time she walks in my house. I know I don't dress like a typical thirty something but it's very unnerving. I shop at thrift stores and like to look unique. And I still wear the bell bottom blue jeans with sewn on patches that I wore in my twenties. You know that feeling when I woman just looks at you from head to toe but doesn't say anything. I haaaate it. :crazy:

[Bridget]

Okay, I just looked in the mirror and realized I'm way overdue for an eyebrow wax. I swear, you guys, life has taken a toll on me lately. I look like crap. Sometimes I look in the mirror midday and I'm like :eyebrow:.

My best friend just texted me and asked me if her, her dh and kids could come over for a sleepover on friday night and bring dinner. I love her so much. Her kids are super wild and usually break something in my house almost every time they come over but it's worth it. She is a fabulous friend. I'm glad I still have my old friends around because I'd hate to try to meet new friends now. I feel like most women my age think I'm a little strange.

I think I need a ticker and I don't know how to make one. Anyone feel like helping me?
Aw girl, rant away. :hugs:

[Gwenn]

Okay, I just looked in the mirror and realized I'm way overdue for an eyebrow wax. I swear, you guys, life has taken a toll on me lately. I look like crap. Sometimes I look in the mirror midday and I'm like :eyebrow:.

My best friend just texted me and asked me if her, her dh and kids could come over for a sleepover on friday night and bring dinner. I love her so much. Her kids are super wild and usually break something in my house almost every time they come over but it's worth it. She is a fabulous friend. I'm glad I still have my old friends around because I'd hate to try to meet new friends now. I feel like most women my age think I'm a little strange.

I think I need a ticker and I don't know how to make one. Anyone feel like helping me?

With all you've been through of course like has taken a toll. Go do something nice, just for yourself.

I'm glad you have good friends that you can count on. That's worth so much!

And the ticker - go to alternatickers and it'll walk you through. It's not hard.


:headbang:
I'll spare you another rant...but I should have stayed home. LOL

So, so sorry.

[daylilies]

One of my daycare parents is a few years younger than me. She looks me up and down every single time she walks in my house. I know I don't dress like a typical thirty something but it's very unnerving. I shop at thrift stores and like to look unique. And I still wear the bell bottom blue jeans with sewn on patches that I wore in my twenties. You know that feeling when I woman just looks at you from head to toe but doesn't say anything. I haaaate it. :crazy:

Oh, that sucks. I think I've seen maybe 2 pictures of you ever, but I have to say I appreciate it when people have a unique style of dress. I feel so boring in my capris and t shirts but I don't know what styles flatter me.
And good for you for still fitting into jeans you wore in your 20's :P
You quoted yourself back there...but I think you were telling me to rant away :D Basically I got behind two old ladies in the grocery store who were seriously heckling the price of every single thing they bought. Making the checkout lady go through the coupon papers and prove to them that the prices were right. It drove me up the wall. Seriously, if you want to save money on Oscar Mayer weiners...don't buy them!

[AmeriBrit]

One of my tickers is lilypie.com and the other is babygaga.com
Like Gwenn said, it walks you through making the ticker and then you just copy and paste the code at the end.

[daylilies]

Oh and I use lilypie for my ticker.

[missychrissy]

Screw her Bridget. You're beautiful and unique and anyone that can't appreciate that is a dud.

And pooh on the old ladies. I have to say, it was the senior citizens that made me quit being a cashier when I was 20! lol I had one lady ream me out over 3 cents once, and it wasn't like I typed in the price. The register was computerized!!

[Bridget]

Oh, that sucks. I think I've seen maybe 2 pictures of you ever, but I have to say I appreciate it when people have a unique style of dress. I feel so boring in my capris and t shirts but I don't know what styles flatter me.
And good for you for still fitting into jeans you wore in your 20's :P
You quoted yourself back there...but I think you were telling me to rant away :D Basically I got behind two old ladies in the grocery store who were seriously heckling the price of every single thing they bought. Making the checkout lady go through the coupon papers and prove to them that the prices were right. It drove me up the wall. Seriously, if you want to save money on Oscar Mayer weiners...don't buy them!
I did mean to quote you! Oops. I seriously always pick the wrong line at the grocery store. I always get behind the old lady who is trying to use a coupon from 1992, or the cashier that's out of ones and has to wait for the supervisor to bring them more. Without fail.

[Gwenn]

Screw her Bridget. You're beautiful and unique and anyone that can't appreciate that is a dud.

Absolutely.

Bridget, maybe this is a strange thing to say, but you really remind me of the way my sister used to be before she had kids. Her personality changed really dramatically and my mom and I both feel really sad about that. I always read your posts and wish my sister were more like you now. So don't feel bad about the way you are!

[3andMe]

I went to the zoo today too. I went yesterday with all three and it was totally okay, so we went back today to see the animals we didn't see yesterday. There were huge schoolgroups everywhere, and as we were getting ready to leave a small cadre of schoolboys spied Claire, yelled "A girl!" and started chasing her. She screamed and ran away from them and from me, and I ran toward her and scooped her up as she was hysterically crying. Then Soren started screaming too, and Ronin ran away. All 3 children needed conflicting attention simultaneously, and as I knelt down and kissed Claire, I started crying myself. I felt so badly for her, and for me, and for all of us except Ronin who was running off on his own to have fun elsewhere.

I took Claire by the hand as soon as I corralled Ronin and got her crying under control, and we went over to the main boy who was trying to grab her. We stood and looked at him for a moment, then I told Claire that I'm sure the boy was sorry that he scared her and he didn't mean to. His teacher prodded him, and he mumbled "I'm sorry."

[3andMe]

Bridget, it is good to have your own taste and sense of style. If we were all the same, life would be pretty boring.

Kate, I'm sorry your playdate didn't work out.

[Gwenn]

How awful. And obviously I didn't see the whole situation as it was happening, so it's hard to judge, but it bothers me if the teacher didn't intervene until after you did.

[Cosmosmom]

I did mean to quote you! Oops. I seriously always pick the wrong line at the grocery store. I always get behind the old lady who is trying to use a coupon from 1992, or the cashier that's out of ones and has to wait for the supervisor to bring them more. Without fail.
That would be me. When DH is with, he asks me which lane....and than we go to the other lane. LOL

[daylilies]

LOL
When DH and I go shopping together sometimes we will each get in a line and then join the one whose line is moving faster.

[missychrissy]

Oh Lydia! How frightful for her :(

[3andMe]

Oh Lydia! How frightful for her :(

Yeah, it was. Claire gets easily disturbed by the sudden appearance of strangers, to the extent that she won't play on a play structure if other kids are climbing around. I started crying because well, it was so overwhelming having everything happen at once and because she's starting preschool in a couple of weeks and I worry about things like that happening when I can't support her, and probably because I'm still overloaded with postpartum hormones.

On the bright side, at least she was recognized as a girl, which doesn't happen all that often.:eyeroll:

[daylilies]

I'm surprised people still think Claire is a boy. I remember you saying that when they were babies, too, that they always assumed Claire was a boy. She always looks like a girl to me, but maybe that's just because I know she is.
I'm sorry about the incident at the zoo. How scary for you guys! And I completely understand worrying about not being able to protect her. Josh is starting preschool in the fall too and I worry about him. So it's not just pregnancy hormones ;) I actually started tearing up, thinking about dropping him off at preschool.

[Bridget]

Lydia, that would really have upset me too. I have a really hard time when other kids upset my kids or scare them. I know it's part of life but it sucks. I am sure I would have cried too.

[missychrissy]

I have no doubt I would have cried as well. And I worry about things happening to Conner at preschool and not being there to protect him. Even though I've been through it before and I know they all were fine and he'll be fine...I still worry. That's what good moms do, I guess.

Speaking of preschools, if you remember I was having a really hard time finding a part time program for him. I found an open play group that's sponsored by a parenting resource center in the town where my mom lives. She can take him whenever it's convenient. They have story time and a few activities, but it's mostly an open play where the kids can do whatever interests them. They also have free field trips occasionally.

My mom is going to try it out. We're both excited for Conner because he's wanted to go 'to school' for a few months now. And we've both worried about getting his socialized before Kindergarten.

[daylilies]

That's great Chrissy!

[Gwenn]

Chrissy, that sounds perfect.

[Cosmosmom]

I was watching the new season of Real World last night and one of the guys is from my hometown. It was weird when the others found out he was from Wisconsin, there were all the preconceived notions about what a guy from Wisconsin was like. Kinda of made me do this :eyeroll: and than this :eyebrow:

[missychrissy]

lol...what were their preconceived notions?

[Gwenn]

lol...what were their preconceived notions?

I was wondering that too! :laugh:

[Cosmosmom]

lol...what were their preconceived notions?
I think that the term meathead was used..."just like I would expect someone from WI to be". LOL

Well this dude is kind of a boozy jock and I have known guys like that....but seriously doesn't every state? Just like we have nerdy guys, bikers, emo dudes....

My family doesn't know him or his family or anything...makes me feel old too when he graduated (not my high school but our rival!) in 2005....I'm class of 1997. :)

God, even my FIL is from Chicago and everyone down there (and they should know better!) thinks that everyone in WI is just hick farmers who say hay der (and outside of the chicago area, IL is a LOT of farms too). Of course all those same people come up to my state for the camping and outdoors.

I would just say that I have lived here my whole life...I do like cheese (no brats and beer for me...yuck!) but the only farms I have been on have been field trips in school.

[Bridget]

When I was in Hawaii I got a lot of teasing about being from Wisconsin. You wouldn't believe how many people said things like, "I thought all people from Wisconsin were fat." :eyeroll:
I think they all assume we're a bunch of beer drinking, cheese eating, green bay packer watching farmers/hicks.
I'm the first two for sure. :winks:

[Gwenn]

Well, I'm pretty sure have preconceived notions of Arizona that aren't true, too. Like we're all just hick cowboys or something. I've met a couple of real cowboys but they're not all that common.

My cousin just moved here and she said her mother got so upset about her leaving that she said that if she moved here, my cousin's 16 year old daughter would end up pregnant underage by an illegal and then wind up marrying the illegal for a greencard. :shocker: Ummm... from what I know of this kid, I don't think so.

[stephmama]

When I was in Hawaii I got a lot of teasing about being from Wisconsin. You wouldn't believe how many people said things like, "I thought all people from Wisconsin were fat." :eyeroll:
I think they all assume we're a bunch of beer drinking, cheese eating, green bay packer watching farmers/hicks.
I'm the first two for sure. :winks:


Some people would assume I had a pet alligator and rode a friggin' boat to school. :laugh: C'mon!


And then people here would think everyone in HI wore grass skirts and greeted you at the airport with a lei. Riiiight.

[intactivstmom]

I think I live in one of the worst states for being subject to preconceived notions, Utah. Everyone always assumes I'm mormon. And I have been seriously asked how many moms I have. I didn't think anybody seriously thought polygamy was still practiced.

[Cosmosmom]

When I was in Hawaii I got a lot of teasing about being from Wisconsin. You wouldn't believe how many people said things like, "I thought all people from Wisconsin were fat." :eyeroll:
I think they all assume we're a bunch of beer drinking, cheese eating, green bay packer watching farmers/hicks.
I'm the first two for sure. :winks:
Well DH and I do have the fat part covered (but again so do most states!)....and we like cheese and he likes the Packers.

But I can't even hardly get my lawn to grow! And we both think beer is NASTY (though the tour of Leinies was interesting). We like wine and brandy (ok so that IS very WI...I love it, not DH)....and rum. :)

[Cosmosmom]

Some people would assume I had a pet alligator and rode a friggin' boat to school. :laugh: C'mon!


And then people here would think everyone in HI wore grass skirts and greeted you at the airport with a lei. Riiiight.
Aw man, you don't get a lei at the airport???? That is what they show on TV. :laugh:

[missychrissy]

I've heard people were shocked to see NY isn't all paved in concrete. We have rednecks here just like anywhere else....and a whole lot of farmland.

[Gwenn]

I've heard people were shocked to see NY isn't all paved in concrete. We have rednecks here just like anywhere else....and a whole lot of farmland.

Yes, I grew up in Westchester and my cousin from CA came to visit us one year and made a comment about thinking about how she never knew there were trees in NY. And my dad's family was definitely good old NY farmers, including a redneck or two!

[AmeriBrit]

Hahaha...perceptions, yeah....I get a lot with being southern and with being American in England. One guy once asked why Americans only had paper bags at the grocery stores???? Hmm...maybe cause that's what they show on movies? LOL.

[stash]

Preconceived notions? Try Montana.:p

[The10Eels]

Preconceived notions? Try Montana.:p
*cough* or Alaska!!

Hi... I live in an igloo, and drive a dog sled to school........

[Janeen]

*cough* or Alaska!!

Hi... I live in an igloo, and drive a dog sled to school........

AND I bet you wear a super heavy coat with a REALLY furry hood ALL. THE. TIME.

:P :winks:

[The10Eels]

even slept in it.... those igloos are mighty cold

[Ky'sMom]

Okay, you ladies are cracking me up LOL!!!

I don't think anyone has a preconceived notions about me being from Ohio, but people do have ideas about the city where I'm from Toledo as a lot of people remember that show MASH and Jamie Farr who is from Toledo and whose character was from Toledo so they always ask me do I like MASH and I have never liked that show and turn the channel as soon as I hear that song anytime it comes on. They also are amazed that black people live in Toledo, there are a whole lot of black people in Toledo BTW.

Oh and people here in Atlanta thought I was from New York because anyone who doesn't have a messed up Atlanta accent (not a southern accent because Atlanta has an accent all it's on that is just crazy ridiculous) is from New York because that is the only place that northerners are from for some reason to some people.

Erin

[daylilies]

Heh...I bet people think everyone from Massachusetts is preppy. I see a lot of that in Boston, but it's certainly not true everywhere.

[girlwonder]

:hi: Hey y'all!!! I'm from Texas!!! Yeeehaaawwwww! :laugh:

[Gwenn]

even slept in it.... those igloos are mighty cold


:hi: Hey y'all!!! I'm from Texas!!! Yeeehaaawwwww! :laugh:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[stash]

Alaska. Right. Whale blubber anyone? :P

People think I live in conservative hell and my closest neighbors are 100 miles away and they live in a shack in the mountains and have lots of guns. They also presume I own a ranch on hundreds of acres. :eyeroll:

[girlwonder]

Hey Gwenn - hope you have a good visit with dh! You are going to look hubba-hubba-hot!

[Gwenn]

Hey Gwenn - hope you have a good visit with dh! You are going to look hubba-hubba-hot!

Thanks! Just have to do some final picking up and then jump in the shower. What am I still doing on APA?

[AbbeysMom]

:hi: Hey y'all!!! I'm from Texas!!! Yeeehaaawwwww! :laugh:

I'm moving to TX in a few weeks.:)

No real preconceived notions about Coloradans though. Except that we all ski. Which we don't.

[intactivstmom]

I'm moving to TX in a few weeks.:)

No real preconceived notions about Coloradans though. Except that we all ski. Which we don't.

I thought everyone in Colorado was a bunch of pot smoking hippies :P

[3andMe]

Bay Area, CA? I'm a pot-smoking, wine-drinking, ultraliberal lesbian nudist.

[missychrissy]

Bay Area, CA? I'm a pot-smoking, wine-drinking, ultraliberal lesbian nudist.

I gotta see this. I'm coming to visit. :laugh:

[Bridget]

Bay Area, CA? I'm a pot-smoking, wine-drinking, ultraliberal lesbian nudist.
Ooh. I like you! :winks:

[Bridget]

I confess that I realized tonight that I am experiencing moments of really high anxiety for the first time in my life. I've never felt this way before. My whole life the one thing everyone says about me is that I'm even keeled. Nothing really gets to me. I've always been able to shake things off, keep things in perspective, live and learn.
But suddenly I can't shake it off. I'm sure it's a combination of so many things. But I don't like it. And I'm not sure how to cope with it. It's new to me. Like, sometimes I will be standing in the kitchen dealing with making and dinner and whatever small crisis Savana and Kai are having and I get this feeling like I just want to turn around and walk out the front door. Like it's all so overwhelming that I am going to suffocate. I have NEVER felt like this before. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to leave them. And I don't feel anger toward them. Just like I suddenly can't handle it. Whatever it is.
Tonight when I was driving to meet my brother and my dad for dinner I saw an accident ahead of me. Several people were pulled over already and on their cell phones but no emergency vehicles yet. I suddenly felt terrified. Like, so terrified that I was shaking. And then when I passed, and it appeared that everyone was okay...I started to cry. Like, really, really cry. WTH?
I'm very sorry this got so long. It all came pouring out.

[missychrissy]

Bridget, I think it's totally normal to go through that after a loss. I know a couple people that developed slight to moderate anxiety disorders immediately after losing a loved one. Maybe you should bring it up with your midwife and see if there's anything you can do or take to help for now.

With treatment I'm sure it will go away. But don't ignore it, ok? At least talk to someone about it.

[AbbeysMom]

I thought everyone in Colorado was a bunch of pot smoking hippies :P

Maybe in Boulder, but we have the Eastern plains and the Western slope too. It's what makes us a red state. And Colorado Springs (Ted Haggard, anyone?).

[AbbeysMom]

Bridget, I think it's totally normal to go through that after a loss. I know a couple people that developed slight to moderate anxiety disorders immediately after losing a loved one. Maybe you should bring it up with your midwife and see if there's anything you can do or take to help for now.

With treatment I'm sure it will go away. But don't ignore it, ok? At least talk to someone about it.

This is true. I dealt with major anxiety that triggered a debilitating episode of OCD after my Mom passed. I did grief counseling too, but I had never experienced anxiety like that. In your case you have the combination of a major loss of a loved one and pregnancy hormones, so yeah, it's easy to see how that could be extremely overwhelming.

My sister described her feelings after my Mom passed to be like PTSD, not grief. I tend to agree with her that it's like that when you lose one of the people closest to you.

[missychrissy]

My aunt heard her best friend die in a car accident (she was on the cell phone driving when she wrecked). My aunt said she felt just like she'd heard a sudden, loud clap of thunder and her body jumped...for 2 weeks straight. That's about the most intense form of anxiety I've ever heard anyone describe. She was really a mess for a long time after, but the first few weeks were the hardest for her.

[stash]

Bridget, you're normal. That's the first thing to remember. That these feelings are unfortunately part of a grieving and trauma-response process. And that they will go away. And that your goal should be to breathe through them knowing they're not harmful they just ARE and that they will pass.

[3andMe]

Bridget, I agree with Stacy. It's part and parcel of loss, unfortunately, and I'm sorry you're going through it.

[daylilies]

I'm sorry Bridget :(
For some reason seeing an accident is traumatic for me too, I mean I don't go through anything major but it shakes me up. I witnessed an accident a few days ago and I was scared to drive after I saw it. (she was okay, she just swerved off the road and spun, and I think she probably got whiplash, but it could have been a lot worse!)
Anyway...I wish I could be there to help you.

[intactivstmom]

After everything I went through with Robbie my mild OCD and anxiety has gotten a lot worse. I can only imagine what losing somebody close to me would do to my anxiety.

I hope you can find a professional to talk to. :hugs:

[3andMe]

Bridget, I agree with Stacy. It's part and parcel of loss, unfortunately, and I'm sorry you're going through it.

Sheesh, that looks a lot colder in writing, when it wasn't that way in my head at all. I was just trying to say that it's not unusual for you to be feeling this way--your mother was a support to you and a constant presence in your life, whether you were with her or talking to her or not. You always knew she would be there for you if you needed her, and now, whether or not you're consciously thinking of her, a part of your certainty and security in life has been taken away. It is no wonder that from time to time you have a panicky feeling or some anxiety. Also, I have found that it's so much easier to picture my own death, or my other children's, or other people's deaths in general now that it's happened to me, because I know that I'm not immune (not like I thought I was, but somehow it never really hit me before) to tragedy.

I would say give it a little time, and if you're having trouble coping with the anxiety or if it's getting worse (because goodness knows pregnancy can add a LOT), think about grief or other types of counseling.

[girlwonder]

I agree with everyone else, Bridget. :hugs: I"m sorry - just try to breathe through the bad times.

[Gwenn]

:hi:

Bridget, I agree that what you are going through is normal after a loss. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.

[Gwenn]

Ack. Just got a jury duty notice for federal court. I don't report in, but have to be on call for a week. That means I have to call every day and see if they need me that day or not, so I won't know if I go to work or not until that day. And they picked the first week of school! I have SO much to do that week, it's ridiculous.

In other news, DH is here!!!!

[missychrissy]

I think I'm the only person in the US that doesn't mind jury duty. The closest I came to actually being on a jury though involved my brother's friend, so of course they let me off. I wouldn't have claimed the relationship, but I was afraid if he won his case (he did) and it was later found out that we were acquaintances that it would screw up his case and it would have to be retried. I don't even know if that could happen, but I didn't want to risk it. He lost his arm due to his employer opting not to purchase extra shields to prevent such accidents.

Yay for dh being home!! Celebrate!!

[Gwenn]

I think I'm the only person in the US that doesn't mind jury duty. The closest I came to actually being on a jury though involved my brother's friend, so of course they let me off. I wouldn't have claimed the relationship, but I was afraid if he won his case (he did) and it was later found out that we were acquaintances that it would screw up his case and it would have to be retried. I don't even know if that could happen, but I didn't want to risk it. He lost his arm due to his employer opting not to purchase extra shields to prevent such accidents.

Yay for dh being home!! Celebrate!!

That's horrible.

It's not the jury so much as the way they just drop it on you with absolutely no regard for your schedule. I was reading the info sheet and it said if you lived more than 60 miles away from the court (I don't, I live locally, but just as an example), they would pay for a hotel to stay in the night before. To be paid 4-6 weeks after the fact. Being on call for a week means potentially a week of being in a hotel room but not even knowing for certain how long you would be there or how much to budget for. There are people - I would have been one of them two months ago - that would have been an impossible financial burden for, even knowing they'd be reimbursed.

[Bridget]

Ugh. My girlfriend, her dh and kids came over last night. Dbf was being a jerk all evening. I fell asleep at 11 or so putting Savana and Kai to bed.
It's 1:30am now. I just woke up and both dbf and her dh are gone. And dbf's phone is here. I am sure they went to the bar and now I can't sleep. I can't believe he would leave without telling me. He's no problem waking me at any time for any other minor thing.
I guess his kindness streak is officially over.

[shutterbird]

Ugh. My girlfriend, her dh and kids came over last night. Dbf was being a jerk all evening. I fell asleep at 11 or so putting Savana and Kai to bed.
It's 1:30am now. I just woke up and both dbf and her dh are gone. And dbf's phone is here. I am sure they went to the bar and now I can't sleep. I can't believe he would leave without telling me. He's no problem waking me at any time for any other minor thing.
I guess his kindness streak is officially over.

Whatajerk. Time for YOUR kindness streak to be over with as well. :hugs:

[Bridget]

Yeah, I'm not feeling especially kind right now. I heard my girlfriend get up so I came out and asked her if she knew where they were. She had fallen asleep as well and had no idea that they were gone. They drank almost an entire bottle of tequila before they left.
It's 3am now. The bars here shut down at 2:15. She just took my car to cruise around town and see if she could find her car, or them. There is no telling what the story could be. We are both feeling incredibly angry and incredibly worried.:ohno:

[daylilies]

Any updates, Bridget? I hope everything's okay.

[Bridget]

Dbf walked in the door at 4am, without friend's dh. He told her she had to go pick him up because they were walking home and he refused to walk and was laying on the ground on the side of the road. :eyebrow:
So she takes off and he starts telling me how he had to care of her dh all night and blah blah blah. I'm asking over and over where they were and what they were doing and he just keeps repeating that he's been dealing with "B" all night. I get no answers. When he realizes I am mad he tells me that I'm crazy, psychotic, demented and I need counseling. Because all he has ever done is love me and try to make me happy. At this point I realize how drunk he is and I just turn around, and go back to bed.
She found her dh on the side of the road and got him in the car where he still is now.
I'm just thinking of things for the kids and I to do so when we get up we can leave the house right away and I won't even have to talk to him.

Can you believe the level of maturity we're dealing with over here? It's a joke. But not a very funny one.

[girlwonder]

:hugs:

I don't understand it.

[stash]

Oh Bridget, what a ****er. I'm sorry. I'm sure you don't believe his drunken ranting about how crazy and demented you are, but if you do at all, just imagine how it would sound if one of us said it to you. Totally ridiculous, which is unfortunately and obviously what he is to you. Grr.

[stash]

Oh Bridget, what a ****er. I'm sorry. I'm sure you don't believe his drunken ranting about how crazy and demented you are, but if you do at all, just imagine how it would sound if one of us said it to you. Totally ridiculous, which is unfortunately and obviously what he is to you. Grr.

[daylilies]

Bridget, that's just ridiculous and unacceptable. I wish I could be a fly on the wall over there sometimes, because I don't understand him. (not that I think I'd see any merit to his comments if I were there, but I just wish I knew what goes through the guy's head.)

[3andMe]

I'm very disappointed in him.

[Gwenn]

:hugs:

Bridget. Unfortunately when people are deep in an addiction they will do anything to shift the blame on the people who are supporting them rather than face the fact that THEY have a problem. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. This is another thing DH used to do when he was drinking. I would try to call him and he wouldn't answer, and then he told me I had a "problem" because I called him all the time. My problem was that he was off at the bar and never answered the phone. I don't smother him and never have. Where you are really, really sucks.

[intactivstmom]

I'm so sorry that not only did his kind streak end, but it ended with such horrible behavior. :hugs:

[stephmama]

Oh Bridget, I can NOT believe he said that **** to you. wtf. I would kick his ass!

[Bridget]

I talked to him a little more over the phone today since I got up and left right away this morning. He is sticking to the fact that I am the one with the problem. He says what he did wasn't that bad and I should relax. Last night I told him I just feel like I can never be happy with him because I never know when the next bs is going to happen. That I feel like I just want to see how life would be without him. So that's where he thinks I belong on the crazy train. He says it's "not normal" to talk about leaving the father of your children because he went out for a couple of hours one night.
You see how he twists it around? As if the last few years of his contant lying and episodes of cheating just never happened? As if I'm some crazy chick who doesn't let her boyfriend go out. He's painted such an ugly picture of me. I told him that if he was truly concerned about my mental health, he'd have sat me down and spoken to me about it in a kind, loving way. To come home from the bar and yell it at me in anger is only meant to hurt me and nothing else. It's actually quite cruel.

I am so tired.

[stephmama]

:hugs: I wish I could really do that.

[Gwenn]

I talked to him a little more over the phone today since I got up and left right away this morning. He is sticking to the fact that I am the one with the problem. He says what he did wasn't that bad and I should relax. Last night I told him I just feel like I can never be happy with him because I never know when the next bs is going to happen. That I feel like I just want to see how life would be without him. So that's where he thinks I belong on the crazy train. He says it's "not normal" to talk about leaving the father of your children because he went out for a couple of hours one night.
You see how he twists it around? As if the last few years of his contant lying and episodes of cheating just never happened? As if I'm some crazy chick who doesn't let her boyfriend go out. He's painted such an ugly picture of me. I told him that if he was truly concerned about my mental health, he'd have sat me down and spoken to me about it in a kind, loving way. To come home from the bar and yell it at me in anger is only meant to hurt me and nothing else. It's actually quite cruel.

I am so tired.

:hugs: I truly don't think he is in a place where he can see what he is doing wrong. It is 100% him but he is too sick to see it. I'm so sorry.

[AmeriBrit]

Bridget, I'm sorry your bf is being a pinhead.

I confess I absolutely hate how tight my husband is with money. We are in the process of moving and decorating our new house and we haven't bought the new living room suite, curtains or any decorations just yet just because he's freaked out about how much everything costs. I wish I could kick him sometimes.

[daylilies]

Having just bought a house last summer, I know it's totally overwhelming to decorate. I spend scads of money at Target for months and we still don't have a lot of decorations. It's a lot, but it's worth it.
Just don't go for the cheap stuff for the sake of saving money, because it's not great quality and you'll end up replacing it for more money than if you'd just bought good quality stuff to begin with.

[missychrissy]

:hugs:

Bridget. Unfortunately when people are deep in an addiction they will do anything to shift the blame on the people who are supporting them rather than face the fact that THEY have a problem. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. This is another thing DH used to do when he was drinking. I would try to call him and he wouldn't answer, and then he told me I had a "problem" because I called him all the time. My problem was that he was off at the bar and never answered the phone. I don't smother him and never have. Where you are really, really sucks.

ITA with all this. And Bridget, he doesn't deserve you. He is 100% pure asshole and you deserve better.

[The10Eels]

ITA with all this. And Bridget, he doesn't deserve you. He is 100% pure asshole and you deserve better.
I could not agree more

[Gwenn]

ITA with all this. And Bridget, he doesn't deserve you. He is 100% pure asshole and you deserve better.


I could not agree more

Yes, I agree too. You are too good for him.

[AbbeysMom]

So that's where he thinks I belong on the crazy train. He says it's "not normal" to talk about leaving the father of your children because he went out for a couple of hours one night.

But he didn't just go out for a couple of hours one night. You have a laundry list of posts on APA about the thousands of a**hole things he's done to you through the years you've been with him. It seems like a pretty big problem that he doesn't understand he's been hurting you *this entire time*, especially when you've gone to great lengths to communicate that to him.

And IMO, staying with someone solely because they are the father of your children is not a good enough reason to stay together. If you are with him because you really love him, then I hope he starts acting deserving of your love as soon as possible. :hugs:

[daylilies]

Guys, I think some crap might go down at the inlaws today. We were invited to their neighbor's party. MIL has gone off the deep end. SIL moved out recently and MIL has been blaming DH for a lot of crap. Saying he influenced her to move out (she's in her 20's!). SIL doesn't speak to her parents anymore because they basically treat her like crap, and MIL is blaming DH for that too. We went to visit SIL at her new place and I guess MIL found out and isn't happy.
She also has zero interest in Josh anymore :( She never asks to see him anymore and she's a total witch when we ask if she can babysit once in a blue moon.

DH is (finally) sick and tired of her crap and thinks that if she tries to pick a fight today, he might just cut her off.
This might be difficult since she lives like 3 minutes away. But anyway...I hate confrontation and I'm already getting a little bit of anxiety about going over there today. Thankfully I'm not really involved in these shenanigans but because I'm DH's wife I'm sure I'm to blame for something. LOL
So if you could just send out positive vibes today, that would be great!

[midgeend]

I talked to him a little more over the phone today since I got up and left right away this morning. He is sticking to the fact that I am the one with the problem. He says what he did wasn't that bad and I should relax. Last night I told him I just feel like I can never be happy with him because I never know when the next bs is going to happen. That I feel like I just want to see how life would be without him. So that's where he thinks I belong on the crazy train. He says it's "not normal" to talk about leaving the father of your children because he went out for a couple of hours one night.
You see how he twists it around? As if the last few years of his contant lying and episodes of cheating just never happened? As if I'm some crazy chick who doesn't let her boyfriend go out. He's painted such an ugly picture of me. I told him that if he was truly concerned about my mental health, he'd have sat me down and spoken to me about it in a kind, loving way. To come home from the bar and yell it at me in anger is only meant to hurt me and nothing else. It's actually quite cruel.

I am so tired.


It is cruel. He needs some kind of serious eye opener. My DH and I both used to get way too drunk, way too much, and when I got pg with Annie, obviously I stopped. But he didn't. I don't think I ever seriously thought I would leave...but I definitely made it very clear that if things didn't change, that I would have...and I knew that if things didn't change, that I would have to seriously figure out doing just that.

Danny went to some counseling, he was willing to do that, and I think that really helped him, and it definitely helped me. I was also in counseling, separately.

Is that something your dbf would ever consider? He's just abusing you when he gets drunk like that, and then talks to you that way...he needs to see that. :hugs:

[stash]

Bridget. This has to stop. I know you are tired. I know you are scared. I know the challenges of leaving him (or telling him to leave) are great. But I just don't see any other intelligent choice here. He will only continue to hurt you.

It's not worth talking about his behavior with him. He will only manipulate you. He's wrong, and he knows it. Tell him that, and don't enter into discussions about your mental health with him. There are very clear lines he's crossed here, over and over.

[stash]

Bridget. This has to stop. I know you are tired. I know you are scared. I know the challenges of leaving him (or telling him to leave) are great. But I just don't see any other intelligent choice here. He will only continue to hurt you.

It's not worth talking about his behavior with him. He will only manipulate you. He's wrong, and he knows it. Tell him that, and don't enter into discussions about your mental health with him. There are very clear lines he's crossed here, over and over.

[Ky'sMom]

It's not worth talking about his behavior with him. He will only manipulate you. He's wrong, and he knows it. Tell him that, and don't enter into discussions about your mental health with him. There are very clear lines he's crossed here, over and over.

ITA with this. My own DH is a character and he does say some hurtful things, he even drinks quite a bit, never to the extent that he is falling over drunk or leaving someone though. He used to be kind of mean when he was drunk, he used to smoke a lot of marijuana too, and I actually left him for 1.5 years when Ky was a baby because I was just sick of him. He begged me back and we have been constantly building our relationship over the last 7 or so years and really it is just now to the point where I feel comfortable and don't think about leaving him all the time. I also focus on the good times we have, it is my feeling that there should always be more good times than bad. Though I wouldn't see this particular incident of your DBFs as a deal breaker by itself, it attached to everything else would really have be planning on some sort of change. I'm so sorry that he is just so self centered, and even if he isn't internally, that he portrays such selfishness and unconcern about what you are and his children are feeling and experiencing because of his behavior. I've been there with my DH and even my DH has his moments but afterwards he never blames me for acting the way I do because he knows our history and what I have put up with from him, my DH has said some whoppers and some huge lies and deceived me to the point where I was totally disgusted with him, similar to your BF, I gave him one more opportunity to keep us together as a family and I'm happy that he rose to the occasion and matured finally at the age of 37. DH did this without any therapy, though I don't see anything wrong with counseling, I truly believe that if people want to change their behavior they will do it. They may need ideas about how to do it from a counselor but it is essentially up to them to make the changes that need to be done. I hope your DBF will focus more on himself in regards to his actions and stop being so childish. But I agree to not even discuss your reaction or your mental state, he is the one with the problem(s), not you.

Erin

[Gwenn]

Yes, like Erin's DH, my DH made big changes in his life and he did it without formal counseling. I had been putting pressure on him to change and threatening to leave him for a long time. I believe he wanted to change, but was just not in a place where he could do it. He actually took up Zen meditation and did cut back drinking somewhat. After a couple of months he went on a Zen retreat. He came back from that retreat completely changed. He hasn't had anything to drink since then, it's been over 18 months now and he says he still has no desire to drink. His behavior toward me is completely different. But it was his own motivation to change and if he hadn't done that on his own I could have waited a lifetime asking him to change and threatening to leave and it wouldn't have happened. I would have had to leave otherwise, it was getting to the point where I just couldn't live with him anymore and that point developed very quickly. If your DH isn't motivated on his own to change, it won't happen. It's too difficult.

[shutterbird]

I confess DH is driving me nuts. He has a total "man cold" over his hurting leg. I'm going to go a p e s h i t on him if he doesn't cut out the whining. Deal with it already! He was fine all day while he did what he wanted to do... but now that it's time to leave to go see fireworks? Oh it's just so unbearable.

ARGH!!!!!!

[daylilies]

Sorry to hear that Kim.
It was an uneventful day. MIL made some really rude comments that were just embarassing. It makes me glad I don't speak to her anymore. She made a comment about her neighbor's kid, how he's the only good kid she knows. To which I kind of said under my breath to DH, "Well, you're not a kid anymore." Later on FIL cracked a joke and she laughed really sarcastically and said "You made a funny!" Everyone ignored her. It's too bad she's so wrapped up in her own lies that she can't see that everyone hates her.
I'm all for tolerance but when people purposely hurt each other, especially their own family, I just have little patience for that.
Hope everyone had a happy and safe day!

[missychrissy]

I confess DH is driving me nuts. He has a total "man cold" over his hurting leg. I'm going to go a p e s h i t on him if he doesn't cut out the whining. Deal with it already! He was fine all day while he did what he wanted to do... but now that it's time to leave to go see fireworks? Oh it's just so unbearable.

ARGH!!!!!!

:hugs:


Sorry to hear that Kim.
It was an uneventful day. MIL made some really rude comments that were just embarassing. It makes me glad I don't speak to her anymore. She made a comment about her neighbor's kid, how he's the only good kid she knows. To which I kind of said under my breath to DH, "Well, you're not a kid anymore." Later on FIL cracked a joke and she laughed really sarcastically and said "You made a funny!" Everyone ignored her. It's too bad she's so wrapped up in her own lies that she can't see that everyone hates her.
I'm all for tolerance but when people purposely hurt each other, especially their own family, I just have little patience for that.
Hope everyone had a happy and safe day!
She sounds like a tool.

We've had a good day. I'm burned to a crisp :D

[AbbeysMom]

I confess DH is driving me nuts. He has a total "man cold" over his hurting leg. I'm going to go a p e s h i t on him if he doesn't cut out the whining. Deal with it already! He was fine all day while he did what he wanted to do... but now that it's time to leave to go see fireworks? Oh it's just so unbearable.


ARGH!!!!!!


My DH did this with a headache the other day. Seriously. Chicken soup and TV all day for a headache. Oh, and the whining. Non stop. :eyeroll: :laugh:


Sorry to hear that Kim.
It was an uneventful day. MIL made some really rude comments that were just embarassing. It makes me glad I don't speak to her anymore. She made a comment about her neighbor's kid, how he's the only good kid she knows. To which I kind of said under my breath to DH, "Well, you're not a kid anymore." Later on FIL cracked a joke and she laughed really sarcastically and said "You made a funny!" Everyone ignored her. It's too bad she's so wrapped up in her own lies that she can't see that everyone hates her.
I'm all for tolerance but when people purposely hurt each other, especially their own family, I just have little patience for that.
Hope everyone had a happy and safe day!

She sounds like a piece of work. Do you get along well with FIL? Has your MIL always been this way? Maybe she's getting senile or something.

[The10Eels]

I confess I spent my 4th working...

Though I did enjoy freaking this one customer out... I was telling everyone to "enjoy their 4th" as they left...

Well this one guy had 3 extremely obnoxious kids with him. I handed him his coffee and he started to round them up... As they headed for the door, I told him "Enjoy your 4th!" and he paused, and gave me this really weird look and said "Excuse me?!" like he was about to have a heart attack...

I said "Enjoy your 4th of July....." and he went "OH!" and booked it out of there!! Maybe someone knows something they aren't sharing yet!!! lol

[missychrissy]

:lol: Poor guy!

[daylilies]

She sounds like a piece of work. Do you get along well with FIL? Has your MIL always been this way? Maybe she's getting senile or something.

No, she's always been this way (she's young, anyway--only 47 I think)
DH left when he was 16 because of her--there really is something wrong with her! She's incredibly overprotective, hypocritical, and just plain mean. She'll be nice to you one day and then she'll make up some story in her head about how you used her or said something about her to someone else and she'll stop speaking to you for months. Then she'll be nice again like nothing happened. She's racist and a homophobe...pretty much everything bad you can roll into one person, she's it.
FIL just sits and takes it...I guess he's too comfortable to leave (even though everyone knows he has cheated on her more than once). He works a lot, goes to the living room to watch tv, and goes to bed. They barely speak to each other. It's sad, really. He and I used to get along okay but I inadvertently offended him a while ago and I just really don't care anymore. To me, him putting up with her is as bad as all the bad things she does.

[missychrissy]

It sounds like she has some sort of personality disorder. Rich's stepmother is the same way, and because of her none of the kids have seen their father in over 10 years.

[Gwenn]

My MIL is similar, although we don't have much contact with her so when we do interact it's usually not too bad. When we see too much of her, we usually regret it.

[daylilies]

The only reason DH still deals with her is because he feels some obligation to let Josh get to know his grandmother, but I don't know if it's worth it.

[AmeriBrit]

So, I stood my ground on the decorating and have bought a new fireplace and some really awesome blinds for the kitchen....getting my husband to spend money is hard work, but I've learned that debating with him enough wears him down....lol

[Cosmosmom]

So, I stood my ground on the decorating and have bought a new fireplace and some really awesome blinds for the kitchen....getting my husband to spend money is hard work, but I've learned that debating with him enough wears him down....lol
I'm in the same situation! We just moved in a month ago and definitely could use some things like a new living room set, an entertainment center, bigger TV, bigger dining room set and more artwork on the walls. It will all come in time.

We did order the barstools for the kitchen and a little console table and mirror the living room entry. My parents helped buy a guest room bed. And we had to put up shades and blinds in all the windows (that alone was almost 3k! But we had planned on it....since we built, we knew there would be nothing on the windows and living like that for two weeks was enough). We've also had to buy things like a dehumidifer for the basement and yard tools, lawmower. Next weekend we probably will buying an office desk and file cabinet....we painted the room yesterday and I want it finished already.

OMG, we have been on such a spending spree! :crazy: I'm the shopper in the family and even I agree that we need to put the brakes on and think about some of those other things later.

[daylilies]

WTG silverstar! It's so worth it when it looks really nice.
DH wants to go decoration shopping tomorrow but he wants to go to this outdoor shopping place and it's supposed to be like, 95.

[3andMe]

Ah yes, the hidden costs of moving, especially with buying a new house. I remember that very well. We're thinking about trying to sell our house and move next summer, and I'm dreading it all.

[stash]

Bridget, where are you and how are things today?

A new house takes so long to really move into. We bled money outfitting our place for about six months. Then it was addition stuff, energy upgrades, landscaping and gardens. This year is finishing the office bathroom and painting bedrooms. It's endless.

I wouldn't buy art in a hurry. Get your furniture, paint and window treatments under control and then have fun shopping for art one special piece at a time.

[stash]

Double post

[3andMe]

I bought a bunch of art for my uber-modern condo when I lived there, and after I moved to this quaint craftsman I ended up getting rid of it all, because it didn't fit--either sizewise or moodwise. I only lived in the condo for two years.

[stash]

Lydia, where will you move?

[stash]

I confess Oscar and I are on the topic of funerals and what happens to bodies when they die. It's quite interesting really. He's got no preconceived stigma and is simply curious, because he's already learned about animal death (chickens) and about decay. We're taking my husband and SIL to their aunt's funeral tomorrow and going riverwalking while they're at the church/cemetery. So the topic came up. Amazing how backwards we are about death and dying. I mean, explain to a kid that people have these barbaric rituals where they say goodbye to people after they've already died and put their bodies in boxes in the ground? Weird.

[3andMe]

Lydia, where will you move?

Somewhere not too far away, since my mom bought a house specifically near us to help watch the children, and dh and I are both going to stick with our jobs. The Peninsula would be a little bit better for our commute, but it would be too far away from Mom.

We are going to need a bigger place with more bedrooms. And we want to get away from our neighbors.

[missychrissy]

I'm a horrible decorator and still haven't bought a thing for the white walls in my house. It'll be 2 years in August that we've been here. I feel stuck because we're leasing with an option to buy, so I refuse to paint it on the chance we'll opt not to buy.

My kitchen has ugly purple/mauve counter tops and cold trim knobs/light fixtures. They will be the first to go if we do decide to purchase this place.

[stash]

Chrissy, your counters can't be as bad as my teal formica. But I refuse to do the kitchen yet. I need a new sink and cooktop, and it will end up costing a fortune when I start one thing. So I'm waiting until next year to do it all.

[daylilies]

Oh Lydia, I love your sig pic!
Stacy, the teal formica makes me think of my own kitchen. It's not so bad, but I'd love to get it re-done someday.

[3andMe]

Pink granite, here. The people who flipped this house bought everything as a floor model or on sale.

Thank you, Kate.

[The10Eels]

I confess I just watched the Percy Jackson movie.. and LOVED it!

[stash]

So, last night whilst falling asleep Oscar said "Mama, I'm sad." I presumed it had SOMETHING to do with our conversation about funerals, death, what happens to bodies when they die, his Aunt (who he didn't know well). So I asked "Why are you sad, baby?"

"Because my favorite color isn't blue, it's purple."

He wants his room (recently painted blue) to be purple (the color we chose for Gus's room).

:eyeroll:

[missychrissy]

I'm not familiar with Percy Jackson...how lame am I? I'm afraid I'm going to Google the name and say "D'oh" to myself :shy:

My kitchen isn't as bad as my last house, which was falling apart. At least this one is new and everything is all together like it should be.

I had it in my head we were not going to buy this place...for a laundry list of reasons, but none of them were for any concrete "this house sucks" reason. It is a double-wide, but it's only 6 years old. I was feeling like I didn't think I could live in one after all, but my husband really likes the place. He talks all the time about stuff he'd do 'if this were ours...'

Do I always have to have my own way? Will I find reasons to hate the next place? Maybe I'm not the sort of person who will ever be satisfied.

[missychrissy]

So, last night whilst falling asleep Oscar said "Mama, I'm sad." I presumed it had SOMETHING to do with our conversation about funerals, death, what happens to bodies when they die, his Aunt (who he didn't know well). So I asked "Why are you sad, baby?"

"Because my favorite color isn't blue, it's purple."

He wants his room (recently painted blue) to be purple (the color we chose for Gus's room).

:eyeroll:

:laugh: I love him. He cracks me up!!

[stephmama]

This house is horrible. It's dark brown wood paneling in every room with brown carpets in the bedrooms and gray carpet in the living room. wtf was the builder on when they thought this **** looked good together.

[The10Eels]

I'm not familiar with Percy Jackson...how lame am I? I'm afraid I'm going to Google the name and say "D'oh" to myself :shy:


Its actually "Percy Jackson & The Olympians The Lightning Thief"

From what I have heard from people its the "new" Harry Potter... Instead of magic, wizards etc its based off of Greek Mythology, and aimed towards a slightly older crowd than HP. More junior high aged...

I've not read the books, but sure as hell have sold a TON of them.

[missychrissy]

Oh. Well that would explain why I'm not familiar with the name. :D

[Cosmosmom]

Thankfully energy upgrades are the one thing we don't have to spend money on.....one reason we went with the builder we did was because he only does energy star certified homes....and when picking out appliances, I went energy star whenever I could. I would have loved to have done solar panels...but that was out of my price range!

We are taking our time with art for sure. I have started an online listing of things we like....we look at them for a while before we buy. I know in Sept, the big fundraiser of the year at my alum is a starving artist show. It's a huge crowd draw because everything is $100 or less. Last time we went, we got this super cool huge canvas painting we love for our bedroom.

I'm just excited because my grass is finally starting to come in. We did hyroseed and it wasn't looking good...only a few places did it look ok. I complained to our builder and landscaper and they were both out out there looking at it. They put some stuff on it on Friday.....and it's starting to fill in and look green!

[Cosmosmom]

Its actually "Percy Jackson & The Olympians The Lightning Thief"

From what I have heard from people its the "new" Harry Potter... Instead of magic, wizards etc its based off of Greek Mythology, and aimed towards a slightly older crowd than HP. More junior high aged...

I've not read the books, but sure as hell have sold a TON of them.

Is it out on video now? I have been waiting to see that one. I have always really enjoyed Greek mythology.

[The10Eels]

Is it out on video now? I have been waiting to see that one. I have always really enjoyed Greek mythology.
Yes! I think it was released on Tuesday...

[shutterbird]

I liked what I've read of the Percy Jackson series. I don't think it's the new HP though.

Then again, I'm probably severely biased as I'm a HPgeek. :laugh:

[Cosmosmom]

I haven't read the HP books yet and have seen the first several movies. I liked them...but now I'm just waiting for the all to come out because I can't remember what I saw last and what was going on.

[missychrissy]

One of my biggest dreams is to have solar panels. I was watching a news story about this company in CA that leases the solar panels. I think the homeowner pays 1,000-1500 as a deposit, then a monthly bill depending on usage. In most cases, their monthly bill is less than when they were running straight electric from the power plant. In CA, you can't (yet) sell back excess energy to the electric company, but in NY you can. Of course, due to our predominantly cloudy skies, it's probably not likely a small home would generate extra energy. I wouldn't mind though, I just want solar power!

This isn't the news story I watched, but a link to information about how that type of business works: http://greenlivingideas.com/topics/alternative-energy/solar-energy-photovoltaics/the-next-best-thing-leasing-solar-panels

[Cosmosmom]

Umm, I have an interesting story. I went to bed last night. I woke up at 4am and have a towel on me and I’m in my after bath robe. I have a vague recollection of getting wet but my hair is mostly dry. Put my sleeping stuff back on and go back to bed until 7am. Check the tub and there is like 2 inches of water in there and the drain has the thing pushed down. I still don’t know why I got up and rinsed off in the middle of the night and I’m not sure how awake I was…I think barely.

I told DH this morning and he was like, so you were sleep showering? The worst part is he works third shift so I'm alone with the dog at night.

[AmeriBrit]

Umm, I have an interesting story. I went to bed last night. I woke up at 4am and have a towel on me and I’m in my after bath robe. I have a vague recollection of getting wet but my hair is mostly dry. Put my sleeping stuff back on and go back to bed until 7am. Check the tub and there is like 2 inches of water in there and the drain has the thing pushed down. I still don’t know why I got up and rinsed off in the middle of the night and I’m not sure how awake I was…I think barely.

I told DH this morning and he was like, so you were sleep showering? The worst part is he works third shift so I'm alone with the dog at night.

Oh man! That is scary! My best friend from high school told me once she filled the tub and got in (clothed) all while sleep walking and her brother found her with water up to her nose!

[missychrissy]

How bizarre!

Sydney just called me. She was arguing with Bobbie and Bobbie threw a glass directly at Sydney and it shattered all over.

Ugh...I am so not looking forward to going home now. My first reaction was I wanted to slap Bobbie. It's a good thing I'm at work. She's so ready to move out...and honestly, with how unhappy and miserable she's been lately, I'm about ready for her to be out too. 1 more year.

[shutterbird]

:hugs: Chrissy.

On another note, when did Bobbie turn 17? I swear I remember her being 13!

[missychrissy]

It feels like she went straight from 13 to 17. I am reminding myself I had a couple episodes of throwing things too and that this isn't the end of the world. But we are seriously going to have a discussion tonight, that's for sure.

[Gwenn]

Jennifer, that's really freaky about the sleep showering!

Chrissy, :hugs:. You'll get through this.

I confess I'm feeling totally spoiled after a second visit from DH. He's fairly sure this will be his last - if he is in one of the later groups to leave for deployment he MIGHT get some leave to come home but we don't know whether he will or not. So we decided to fly me out this weekend. Partially to spend as much time together as we can, partially to cover the month for TTC purposes. We already BD'd on CD 8, 10, and 11. I'll leave Thursday so that would cover CD 15, 16, and 17. So if I O early or late, hopefully we'll time it right! Seems like I've had more sex with him gone than in the last 6 months of TTC! The only thing I'm worried about is finding a pet sitter. Secular pet-sitting vibes, please!

[stephmama]

Umm, I have an interesting story. I went to bed last night. I woke up at 4am and have a towel on me and I’m in my after bath robe. I have a vague recollection of getting wet but my hair is mostly dry. Put my sleeping stuff back on and go back to bed until 7am. Check the tub and there is like 2 inches of water in there and the drain has the thing pushed down. I still don’t know why I got up and rinsed off in the middle of the night and I’m not sure how awake I was…I think barely.

I told DH this morning and he was like, so you were sleep showering? The worst part is he works third shift so I'm alone with the dog at night.


Crazy!


A friend and I were sleeping at another friend's house one night when I was in high school. They had the bed and I made a bed on the floor. Well, in the middle of the night, I wake up in 2 inches of water. Turn on the lights like wtf! and run out the bedroom and hear the bathtub running with no one in. Apparently her brother decided to run a bath in his sleep and went back in his bed. Most of the house had 2 inches of water in it. :laugh:

[3andMe]

That is crazy about the sleep showering. I read recently that sleep sex is WAY more common than was believed previously.

[The10Eels]

I confess that the last time B and I dtd keeps coming up in my dreams... I wake up angrier each time it happens...

He had tried making moves while I was already sleeping.. I told him to stop - I was taking care of a 15 month old, a newborn, and the house (FIL, sMIL and sBIL) and was exhausted... He pulled the "I want to have sex with my WIFE" card, and I caved... Two days later he asked for a divorce....

I confess I dont know why this is all of a sudden bothering me so much....

[Gwenn]

I confess that the last time B and I dtd keeps coming up in my dreams... I wake up angrier each time it happens...

He had tried making moves while I was already sleeping.. I told him to stop - I was taking care of a 15 month old, a newborn, and the house (FIL, sMIL and sBIL) and was exhausted... He pulled the "I want to have sex with my WIFE" card, and I caved... Two days later he asked for a divorce....

I confess I dont know why this is all of a sudden bothering me so much....

:hugs:

[missychrissy]

He sounds like a maggot. :hugs:

[3andMe]

You were acting on the best information you had at the time, which was that you were in a relationship and sometimes there is a little give and take. You couldn't know what was to come. I'm sorry.

[beanpop]

That is crazy about the sleep showering. I read recently that sleep sex is WAY more common than was believed previously.

I have done this with DBF multiple times! I always wake up the next morning like....oh heeeeey. Whoops. :shame:

[DucksLikeRain]

I just have to jump in because the sleep sex/shower thing made me laugh.

About 2 weeks ago I was super let down when I tried to jump Jack-sexy new lingerie and everything. Things were really great. We had the most fun we've had in a long while...except he couldn't finish which made me all :conf:



Two days later when I was still bummed about it (you know, 3/4 weeks post partum and feeling uber-gross and ugly....and then him not being able to finish-makes for a pretty insecure mama!) he says "well, it was probably too good to hope that we might be able to hit it twice in one day-my body has never seemed to let us do that, remember?"

I was all :eyebrow: and then :shock: at the realization that we had TOTALLY copulated at like 4am that morning and I didn't really remember AT ALL :shame: He says I was really into it though :lol:

[The10Eels]

bwahahaha... that made me giggle Tif!

[shutterbird]

Tif, that's hilarious!!! You must have been out of it.

[shutterbird]

You were acting on the best information you had at the time, which was that you were in a relationship and sometimes there is a little give and take. You couldn't know what was to come. I'm sorry.

I agree with this. :hugs: Ashley. I'm sorry that jerk is still able to bug you - even in your dreams. :hugs:

[Gwenn]

I just have to jump in because the sleep sex/shower thing made me laugh.

About 2 weeks ago I was super let down when I tried to jump Jack-sexy new lingerie and everything. Things were really great. We had the most fun we've had in a long while...except he couldn't finish which made me all :conf:



Two days later when I was still bummed about it (you know, 3/4 weeks post partum and feeling uber-gross and ugly....and then him not being able to finish-makes for a pretty insecure mama!) he says "well, it was probably too good to hope that we might be able to hit it twice in one day-my body has never seemed to let us do that, remember?"

I was all :eyebrow: and then :shock: at the realization that we had TOTALLY copulated at like 4am that morning and I didn't really remember AT ALL :shame: He says I was really into it though :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Oh, that's funny!

[missychrissy]

Bobbie scared me to death. She asked for a pregnancy test.

I amazed even myself and actually stayed calm...and after what felt like an eternity she told me it wasn't for her but for a friend. She just wanted to see how I'd react. I cannot put into words the range of emotions that flooded through me in those short moments between the request and the teasing smile.

She's trying to kill me. I know it. :D

[midgeend]

Bobbie scared me to death. She asked for a pregnancy test.

I amazed even myself and actually stayed calm...and after what felt like an eternity she told me it wasn't for her but for a friend. She just wanted to see how I'd react. I cannot put into words the range of emotions that flooded through me in those short moments between the request and the teasing smile.

She's trying to kill me. I know it. :D


I think I would have had a heart attack...not from the asking for the test - but the adrenaline rush after finding out it wasn't for her.

[girlwonder]

Sounds like Bobby is a struggle right now. I'm sorry.

On another topic: my eyes keep rolling and rolling and rolling around and around and around today :eyeroll::eyeroll::eyeroll: Silly people. :laugh:

[missychrissy]

It turns out that incident with the glass wasn't quite what Sydney told me. They were arguing as Bobbie was loading the dishwasher, and she did slam the glass down on the counter to emphasize her point. That's when it shattered.

So instead of having an anger management discussion last night, I instead talked to Sydney about the importance of honesty. I'm so glad I didn't call Bobbie up and bawl her out like I was tempted to do.

Remaining calm until the whole story comes out is sometimes a challenge.

[Cosmosmom]

I confess....that I actually think I stayed in bed and got a good night sleep. I don't feel so tired this morning! :)

I have been known to talk in my sleep and both my mom and sister do too (and they sleep walk....my mom at 16 was reaching for the car keys but her dad stopped her and my sister when about 12 got halfway down the hall in a NYC hotel before my parents woke up and got to her). But I haven't done anything like that before....and since I'm home alone at night, I was a bit concerned!

[Cosmosmom]

Good luck Mandy!

And Chrissy...OMG, those girls are going to kill you.

[intactivstmom]

Chrissy, I'm so glad Bobbie didn't actually throw a glass at her sister.

Apparently the only thing I've done in my sleep is smack dh for trying to have sex with me.

[3andMe]

Yowza, Chrissy! I'm guessing with all this the quitting smoking is seeming a lot harder, isn't it? I'm sorry.

And Tif, wtg!!!! Excellent sleep sex story! I was hoping someone would chime in. Sorry you didn't remember it, though. Hmm, that gives me an idea....

You guys, I'm going to Wyoming tomorrow for five days, and my dad is talking about taking the twins on an overnight camping trip. I'm already picturing this trip being full of delicate negotiations and power struggles, since my dad bought the plane tickets so we would come visit, but dh and I don't feel comfortable letting him be unsupervised with the children. Besides, both twins still get out of bed and wander around several times a night and have been having devastating nightmares lately. And, even if they were in a tent in the back yard, there are two fast-flowing streams very close by. Ugh. I know I'm the mom and can make the rules, but my dad is not used to being thwarted and he gets really annoyed if he thinks I'm being over-protective, esp. if it's affecting him.

[Janeen]

Chrissy, I'm so glad Bobbie didn't actually throw a glass at her sister.

Apparently the only thing I've done in my sleep is smack dh for trying to have sex with me.

Yeah right, you weren't sleeping. :P :winks: :laugh:

[missychrissy]

Apparently the only thing I've done in my sleep is smack dh for trying to have sex with me.

:laugh: lmao!


Yowza, Chrissy! I'm guessing with all this the quitting smoking is seeming a lot harder, isn't it? I'm sorry.

And Tif, wtg!!!! Excellent sleep sex story! I was hoping someone would chime in. Sorry you didn't remember it, though. Hmm, that gives me an idea....

You guys, I'm going to Wyoming tomorrow for five days, and my dad is talking about taking the twins on an overnight camping trip. I'm already picturing this trip being full of delicate negotiations and power struggles, since my dad bought the plane tickets so we would come visit, but dh and I don't feel comfortable letting him be unsupervised with the children. Besides, both twins still get out of bed and wander around several times a night and have been having devastating nightmares lately. And, even if they were in a tent in the back yard, there are two fast-flowing streams very close by. Ugh. I know I'm the mom and can make the rules, but my dad is not used to being thwarted and he gets really annoyed if he thinks I'm being over-protective, esp. if it's affecting him.
:( I hope you can manage to have a good time.

ps-I've given up on quitting smoking for now.

[daylilies]

My husband does this thing where we'll say goodnight and everything, and like 20 minutes later I'll shift in my sleep and it wakes him up, and he says goodnight all over again, or tries to talk to me!

[daylilies]

I keep meaning to ask Chrissy and Jenny, because I know you are runners--do you have a thing that measures how far and how fast you go and how many calories you burn? Any recommendations?
(or anyone else who has one, and likes it)

[daylilies]

Sorry for the multiple posts...apparently it's so hot that my brain is melting. I meant to say to Lydia that I hope the trip goes well and I think he needs a good talking to if his feelings are getting hurt just because you're trying to keep your kids safe.
I really don't want to leave the house today...It's so hot but I have things I need to do :(

[missychrissy]

I don't. I tracked the distance from my driveway to the end of my road, and I keep watch on what time I leave and what time I return to calculate my speed. I just use the averages based on distance, time, and my bmi to determine a ballpark figure for how many calories I burned.

[3andMe]

Ugh, now my dad has called me and is still pushing the camping issue. He keeps trying different tactics. I am feeling really stressed about it. For one thing, I hate feeling like he can't be trusted with them, but he's done a lot of dangerous things even in front of me. For another, I don't like disappointing him, and it does sound cool, but I would be worried about something happening. I used to go hiking and camping with just him or both of my parents, and whenever it was just the two of us we had some really dicey situations, like crossing rapidly-flowing rivers that would sweep us away if we lost our footing.

[AmeriBrit]

Lydia, stand your ground. Can you arrange something where you all go somewhee instead?

[stash]

Lydia, stand your ground and end the conversations with him. Tell him conclusively you're not comfortable with it this year. Maybe next year. If he pushes again, tell him to drop it. Seriously, this is best just nipped.

[Gwenn]

Lydia, my dad is similar about never taking no for an answer. I know how to put my foot down with him and he has learned to respect when I say no, but my sister hasn't figured that one out. Not to mention that my dad has the same problem about thinking she is overprotective, and my sister IS overprotective, so it's a bad combination. She is too worried about hurting his feelings so she stresses about it. I've stopped worried about hurting his feelings, and somehow it works for us. He understands me.

I do talk in my sleep, but that's it. My mother and DH have both told me I've carried on conversations including asking follow-up questions that I have no memory of ever having.

[missychrissy]

:hugs: Lydia. I've learned that being a Mom means I won't always win the popularity contest, but some things just aren't negotiable.

[stash]

P.s. be overprotective, whatever that means. You'll know when it's developmentally appropriate for them to be alone with your dad. Not a chance in hell would any of my relatives be allowed to take my kids overnight camping in Wyoming (or Montana in our case) at the age of 3.

[Gwenn]

I have to say I think not wanting your toddlers to go camping near a stream without their parents around to supervise is NOT overprotective. This is common sense and good parenting.

On the other hand, my sister not allowing her 15 year old daughter to eat or drink at restaurants unless her mother is around to place the order for her IS overprotective.

[3andMe]

Thank you, Stacy, and everyone. My dad's latest tactic is that a friend of his is going camping with his four-year-old son, and they want the company. He says his friend's son has been camping with his dad for years (so why shouldn't we allow this?). Well, I would certainly have no problem with dh or my mom camping with one of our children either, but the twins have only been around my dad in small doses two or three times a year. And my dad tends to forget that there are two of them.

[The10Eels]

I confess -- http://newsminer.com/view/full_story/8517619/article-Fairbanks-man-arrested-on-rape-charge-connected-to-College-Road-drive-by-shooting?instance=home_lead_story

[stash]

So you can all have a picnic together with the four year old :eyeroll: besides I can guarantee the kid isn't in need of company. At four, he'd be just as happy to pick bark off a tree as play with Claire and Ronin. :winks:

[Bridget]

Lydia, I hope you can make him understand. I don't think that sounds overprotective at all. It sounds totally sane.

Things have settled a bit around here. I know that I have some big decisions to make but just the mere thought of it is completely overwhelming, to the point that it makes me really, really nervous.
I couldn't stay in this house. There is too much work/maintenance to be done and I just would not be comfortable here by myself, with the kids. AT ALL. Plus, I could never afford it. It's his house. He bought it with money he made before he met me. He says he'd leave and keep paying the mortgage but, well, he's a liar so :eyeroll: is all I have to say to that.

But not staying in this house means ending my daycare. My only income. Plus, everything else that comes with ending that.

Those are the big things. And I know it sounds like a bunch of excuses but I just don't have the energy for this upheaval. I'm really confused and scared. I keep hoping that some obscure opportunity is going to come up to make things easier. Ridiculous, I know. It just seems like my whole life when I have come to a point where I don't know wtf to do, it works out. :dunno: That's all I got, ladies.
Of course he's been great as he always is right after he messes up. I told him straight up the only reason I am still here is because I don't know how to leave. He made a billion promises blah, blah, blah.

I have an appointment with my midwife on monday to hear the heartbeat so I'm very much looking forward to that. And I miss my mom. I've been calling her phone to hear her voice on her voicemail. It helps me picture her somewhere else besides in that hospital bed.
:grouphug: Thank you for your support. I know it's getting old. If I was my friend I'd be kicking my arse.

[Gwenn]

Lydia, I hope you can make him understand. I don't think that sounds overprotective at all. It sounds totally sane.

Things have settled a bit around here. I know that I have some big decisions to make but just the mere thought of it is completely overwhelming, to the point that it makes me really, really nervous.
I couldn't stay in this house. There is too much work/maintenance to be done and I just would not be comfortable here by myself, with the kids. AT ALL. Plus, I could never afford it. It's his house. He bought it with money he made before he met me. He says he'd leave and keep paying the mortgage but, well, he's a liar so :eyeroll: is all I have to say to that.

But not staying in this house means ending my daycare. My only income. Plus, everything else that comes with ending that.

Those are the big things. And I know it sounds like a bunch of excuses but I just don't have the energy for this upheaval. I'm really confused and scared. I keep hoping that some obscure opportunity is going to come up to make things easier. Ridiculous, I know. It just seems like my whole life when I have come to a point where I don't know wtf to do, it works out. :dunno: That's all I got, ladies.
Of course he's been great as he always is right after he messes up. I told him straight up the only reason I am still here is because I don't know how to leave. He made a billion promises blah, blah, blah.

I have an appointment with my midwife on monday to hear the heartbeat so I'm very much looking forward to that. And I miss my mom. I've been calling her phone to hear her voice on her voicemail. It helps me picture her somewhere else besides in that hospital bed.
:grouphug: Thank you for your support. I know it's getting old. If I was my friend I'd be kicking my arse.

:hugs: Bridget. Let me know if there is anything I can do.

[daylilies]

I confess -- http://newsminer.com/view/full_story/8517619/article-Fairbanks-man-arrested-on-rape-charge-connected-to-College-Road-drive-by-shooting?instance=home_lead_story

?? Who is that about?
Oh wait, that's the one about the guy who hurt your friend right?

[stephmama]

Bridget, you are an awesome daycare provider and I'm sure parents would follow you. Maybe try talking to one of them about the situation about to come? See where you stand with some of them? I'm sorry this is so difficult. I wish there was a way I could help you. :hugs:

[Gwenn]

Bridget, you are an awesome daycare provider and I'm sure parents would follow you. Maybe try talking to one of them about the situation about to come? See where you stand with some of them? I'm sorry this is so difficult. I wish there was a way I could help you. :hugs:

Yes, I would think at least some of them would be willing to follow you to a new location.

[missychrissy]

I confess -- http://newsminer.com/view/full_story/8517619/article-Fairbanks-man-arrested-on-rape-charge-connected-to-College-Road-drive-by-shooting?instance=home_lead_story

Oh he sounds like one scary individual. But his time is up. It looks like he'll be going away for a long while.

Bridget, I really wish I could tell you what to do. :D I wish I had all the answers. You have valid reasons for staying, and you are a good friend and you do not need a butt kicking. You've been through so much already. :hugs: I know some grief counselors say you shouldn't make any drastic changes for at least a year after a great loss. One part of me really doesn't want to encourage you to stay, if I'm honest, but at the same time I know you're newly pregnant and just lost your mother.

I suspect when the time is right, you will have a plan and nothing will stop you. Now maybe isn't the time. As long as you don't let him convince you that there's something wrong with you, that you could have done something different or said/not said certain things. That is what I really worry about.

[Ky'sMom]

Bridget, I really wish I could tell you what to do. :D I wish I had all the answers. You have valid reasons for staying, and you are a good friend and you do not need a butt kicking. You've been through so much already. :hugs: I know some grief counselors say you shouldn't make any drastic changes for at least a year after a great loss. One part of me really doesn't want to encourage you to stay, if I'm honest, but at the same time I know you're newly pregnant and just lost your mother.

I suspect when the time is right, you will have a plan and nothing will stop you. Now maybe isn't the time. As long as you don't let him convince you that there's something wrong with you, that you could have done something different or said/not said certain things. That is what I really worry about.

I was thinking the same thing. I feel for you and want to send you hugs, no butt kicking. It must be so difficult dealing with all this on top of losing your mom. I can understand not wanting to make any moves and also your reasons for staying. Really in your situation, I would stay and just focus on myself and the kids and save as much money as I could so that I could set up the daycare somewhere else in the future, and pretty much stay civil with the boyfriend but that would be it and I would ignore him and all his crap. Hugs to you!!

Erin

[girlwonder]

Yeah, I'm with Chrissy and Erin on this one, Bridget. You are intelligent and capable of doing what you need to do, but also in the midst of a lot of heavy stuff right now with the new baby and the loss of your mom. You will leave when you need to leave and only you will know when that feels right. Relax for now, take care of yourself and your babies and try to ignore what you can until you can't anymore.

[Gwenn]

Yeah, I'm with Chrissy and Erin on this one, Bridget. You are intelligent and capable of doing what you need to do, but also in the midst of a lot of heavy stuff right now with the new baby and the loss of your mom. You will leave when you need to leave and only you will know when that feels right. Relax for now, take care of yourself and your babies and try to ignore what you can until you can't anymore.

I agree with this ... but to a point. If for any reason you suspect that you or the children are in danger because of his drinking then you just need to get out of there. It doesn't seem from what you have said there there is a history of violence and I know you said he is accepting it for now, but I worry somewhat that next time he does something like this, if he knows or suspects you plan to leave him, the situation might be different. Please don't let yourself be in that situation.

Otherwise, I think the girls are right. Forgive me if I'm too blunt here.

[Bridget]

Thank you, everyone. I do feel like leaving right now might just put me over the top, stresswise. And I know there is nothing wrong with me but I am also aware that I am not as emotionally stable as I could be. I think that's okay but I also think making any huge changes right now would not be in my best interest. I know that if I stayed in this town my daycare parents would follow me but ideally I would really hope to leave this town. I'd move close to my dad.
And I have never been afraid of him. Believe it or not, he has a good heart. I honestly think he has deeper rooted issues and insecurities that make it difficult for him to tell the truth and see things for what they are. He's difficult to reason with because he is so self centered that he can't relax and try to see an opposing view. And when he drinks, this is just magnified. I am hoping we can start counseling at the least. I am aware, and I told him this weekend, that I am still really angry about him cheating on me. If I can't get past the anger, we will never be happy. I also have a lingering suspicion there are still, and may always be, things that I still don't know about. Can I live with that? I'm not sure.
And surprisingly, things are somewhat pleasant on a day to day basis. He's naturally a funny and charismatic person so when he's trying, he's cool.
It's just that when he's not cool, he's really, really NOT cool.

[missychrissy]

I think counseling is a wonderful idea. I want the very best for you Bridget.

[stash]

Bridget, I cannot imagine how it must feel to be where you are. That said - you can reopen your daycare. Where's your dad live in proximity to where you are now?

And sorry Chrissy, but grief counselors are full of **** on this one. Sometimes a loss cam catalyst changing the worst things about your life because it helps you realize how fragile and temporary life is. I jumped ship from my job and started my business right after Jasper died because it was such a miserable part of my life that I knew I had to change for my next kid.

[stash]

Bridget, I cannot imagine how it must feel to be where you are. That said - you can reopen your daycare. Where's your dad live in proximity to where you are now?

And sorry Chrissy, but grief counselors are full of **** on this one. Sometimes a loss cam catalyst changing the worst things about your life because it helps you realize how fragile and temporary life is. I jumped ship from my job and started my business right after Jasper died because it was such a miserable part of my life that I knew I had to change for my next kid.

[missychrissy]

No need to apologize to me Stacy. I know grief is an unique to the individual.

I'm really upset with Rich's employer. Another man actually made a shank out of one of their longest files and walked up to another coworker and put it up to his back and accused him of messing with his wife. This happened on Friday. No one called the police, and Rich and his group leader just learned of it yesterday. They were told to 'keep an eye' on the guy.

Why do people wait till something happens? The younger me would be calling them up and threatening to sue them if something happens to Rich while he's working there, because they obviously know this man is dangerous. Or they should. wtf?

[Bridget]

Chrissy, how scary!

Stacy, my dad is about an hour from me. He lives close to Madison where I would actually love to be and where my daycare would be much more successful and I could charge the prices I need to charge to make a decent profit with the organic menu and such. People would be lining up for it in that town. Not like this town where they are more like :eyebrow:.
I've been looking at rental ads for the area I'd like to live and rent is more than our mortgage now. I really do need to start stashing money.

[stash]

Bridget, what if you started over there, with your dad?

[stash]

And dude, I would totally help you with brochures and ads for the new daycare. :)

[stash]

And I confess how the F did I get so pregnant? Next week is the end of the second trimester and I'm all like :shock: and I am HUGE. I mean HUGE.

[stash]

Chrissy did he at least get some type of "punishment" at work? Or did everyone just let it slide? That's DANGEROUS.

[missychrissy]

And I confess how the F did I get so pregnant? Next week is the end of the second trimester and I'm all like :shock: and I am HUGE. I mean HUGE.

:D I bet you look beautiful! I do wonder why everyone's pregnancies seem to go so much faster than mine did.


Chrissy did he at least get some type of "punishment" at work? Or did everyone just let it slide? That's DANGEROUS.
I don't know what they said to the guy in the meeting, but he was called in the office yesterday after Rich's meeting. I guess he came out and just glowered at everyone. I really fear he's going to sit there seething about things and just lose his mind one day at work.

I wish someone would have called the police on him. They probably can't really prevent 'something' from happening, but it looks like they're just hoping this guy will resolve his own mental issues on his own.

[Ky'sMom]

Chrissy that is REALLY scary. Why didn't they suspend the guy or some sort of their own disciplinary action since they didn't want to call the police, that is some crap!

Erin