Secular Confessions

[daylilies]

I might have some around...
I'm sorry if my post sounded despairing or anything...I just sometimes really get in a funk about his behavior, like all the good things I'm trying to instill aren't working. But I know it'll all work out in the end.

[midgeend]

Just got off the phone.

Wow, that woman was a b!tch. When trying to explain things to me, she had such an attitude. Ugh, lol.

Anyway, she told me that I won't get charged for anything I don't utilize, but I won't know exactly how much my tuition will be until I register. I can assume room and board is gone, which takes out $7472.00 exactly from my tuition for the year. So, technically, with what I was granted for the year, I just slide under the mark.

As far as transportation, she said that's something that covers things like gas, car insurance, etc. No clue exactly if I really need something like that, but she said that I won't get charged anything that I won't utilize, so that's still up in the air.

I'm gonna apply for as many scholarships as I can to make sure I'll have enough for extra costs, but as long as nothing else goes wrong, I'm pretty sure I have just enough aid to cover my tuition.


They're going to set you up with a lender, who gives you up to what you were granted...and then tuition/room/board would automatically be taken out of that if you've signed up for it...and then you can opt to take however much more is left...so if there's $5,000 more for books, commuting, etc...then you just take what you need for books if you don't want to borrow money for other living expenses.

[addysonreese]

I might have some around...
I'm sorry if my post sounded despairing or anything...I just sometimes really get in a funk about his behavior, like all the good things I'm trying to instill aren't working. But I know it'll all work out in the end.

:hugs: You're doing the best you can. I'm sure it's frustrating at times.

I confess I think I have a pinched nerve. :ohno: Off and on since about October, my arm has been bothering me. Sometimes it'll hurt in my shoulder, sometimes in my forearm, sometimes my wrist will hurt or my thumb will, and sometimes it's in the upper arm. We recently moved my stuff to a desk in the bedroom so I could have some space to hang out and everything, and since then it's been bothering me again. If I go to my normal spot, on the couch with the laptop resting on my lap, I'm fine.

My mom said they never really heal, you just have to minimize the exposure to what pinched it in the first place.

[addysonreese]

They're going to set you up with a lender, who gives you up to what you were granted...and then tuition/room/board would automatically be taken out of that if you've signed up for it...and then you can opt to take however much more is left...so if there's $5,000 more for books, commuting, etc...then you just take what you need for books if you don't want to borrow money for other living expenses.

The lender part I'm familiar with.. since I've had student loans before.

I'm just confused about buying books. Do I go to the bookstore and just get the books, or do I pay out of pocket for them? My financial aid covers the amount for books and supplies, so I'm not sure how all that works. When I went to CC I only got one loan that covered my tuition barely, so I had to pay my books out of pocket.

[daylilies]

Thank goodness kids are so forgiving. I just went up there to lie down with him for his nap and he fell asleep with one arm around me.

[Bridget]

It was a freaking madhouse at the zoo this morning and then in a lapse of judgement I bought him a pen he wanted, that had a face on it and 'hair' coming out the top so I kind of hoped he wouldn't figure out it was a pen. Well he did and I foolishly let him hold it on the way home and found his brand new jeans scribbled all over when we got home. I kind of overreacted and sent him to his room, I am just so sick of telling him the same thing over and over. I have good intentions and then I just cannot handle it when I feel like I'm wasting my breath. It pisses me off like nothing else. I know he's a child and it's my fault for letting him have the pen in the first place but for heaven's sake, I really thought kids were more impressionable than that, and when a parent says "Dont write on your pants/the couch/the walls" that they'd WANT to make their parents happy, and listen. Silly me.

I just was not prepared for this. It confuses me like nothing else, that all I ever do is try to make the kid happy, and he throws it all in my face. I KNOW he doesn't know he's doing this, but that doesn't make me feel any better.
These are the circumstances when natural consequences come in handy. You can tell him how sad it is that he may have ruined his pants. And how he showed you that he can't use pens safely so now you have to wait until he's older and can show you he will use pens properly. I keep markers in a drawer in the kitchen where Savana and Kai can use whenever they want. One day Kai wrote all over his brand new banjo. I calmly took the marker, put it in the marker tray, and then moved the markers up to where Kai couldn't reach, making sure he saw me. I told him now that he did that, he can't use markers anymore unless I'm sitting right next to him. He threw a major fit. A week later he came to me with a piece of paper and said he was ready to use markers. I put them back and he's never done anything like that again.
I know it can make you want to pull your hair out but the truth is when he had that pen in his hand in the back seat, and nothing to write on, it probably made perfect sense to him to write on his pants. :crazy::hugs:

[missychrissy]

The lender part I'm familiar with.. since I've had student loans before.

I'm just confused about buying books. Do I go to the bookstore and just get the books, or do I pay out of pocket for them? My financial aid covers the amount for books and supplies, so I'm not sure how all that works. When I went to CC I only got one loan that covered my tuition barely, so I had to pay my books out of pocket.

I'm not sure if it all works the same, but when I had my financial aid package, I had money to cover my books. When I went to the bookstore to get them, I used my ID and it worked like a debit/credit card. If there was anything left, I got a refund check. I did borrow for living expenses since I either didn't work, or only worked part time, while I was going to school.


Thank goodness kids are so forgiving. I just went up there to lie down with him for his nap and he fell asleep with one arm around me.

:wub: Aww


These are the circumstances when natural consequences come in handy. You can tell him how sad it is that he may have ruined his pants. And how he showed you that he can't use pens safely so now you have to wait until he's older and can show you he will use pens properly. I keep markers in a drawer in the kitchen where Savana and Kai can use whenever they want. One day Kai wrote all over his brand new banjo. I calmly took the marker, put it in the marker tray, and then moved the markers up to where Kai couldn't reach, making sure he saw me. I told him now that he did that, he can't use markers anymore unless I'm sitting right next to him. He threw a major fit. A week later he came to me with a piece of paper and said he was ready to use markers. I put them back and he's never done anything like that again.
I know it can make you want to pull your hair out but the truth is when he had that pen in his hand in the back seat, and nothing to write on, it probably made perfect sense to him to write on his pants. :crazy::hugs:
You are awesome.

[3andMe]

Bridget, that is really great advice about natural consequences.

I am just barely starting to leave my kids unsupervised with crayons. Like, as of this week.

Rubbing alcohol gets ink out, also.

[addysonreese]

I'm not sure if it all works the same, but when I had my financial aid package, I had money to cover my books. When I went to the bookstore to get them, I used my ID and it worked like a debit/credit card. If there was anything left, I got a refund check. I did borrow for living expenses since I either didn't work, or only worked part time, while I was going to school.

That's pretty cool. I'll probably end up asking the Financial Aid office about it this Friday, as I have to go in for my placement testing, and the aid office is in the same building.

[daylilies]

ITA, Bridget. (I think we've read the same books LOL) Sometimes though, I wonder "does this gentle stuff really get through to him? maybe if I get upset instead, it'll make more of an impression on him." And of course it doesn't. Sometimes I'm just too quick to react. So then I asked him to take his pants off and he just looked at me, which made me more upset.
I did put away the markers recently, because he wrote on the couch. It was really not smart of me to buy him a pen.

[Bridget]

I know what you mean. And if you get upset, he might listen but will he learn? That's something dbf and I argue about. Sure, they'll listen to him when he snaps but only because they're kind of freaked out, not because they have any idea why they are listening.
But, yay, by the way, because Savana and him are on their way home now. Super long travel day. Tons of layovers so they don't get here until 11pm. I can't wait to see her. And dbf insisted to me on the phone last night that he learned a lot with her and he's going to be a better parent. Oh how I hope he's for real. I can't take much more of his crappy parenting.
And his mom sent me an email that she thinks I need to help him find direction...that she thinks he's scared because he's getting old and doesn't have a steady career. That he needs to feel needed. I feel like a cold hearted biatch but my first reaction was that all sound like something he needs to do. No one found me a path. But now I'm thinking that tomorrow evening him and I will brainstorm together. He really is so insecure. And it's glaringly obvious but I forget because he has such a cocky and overbearing demeanor. It's hard to build someone up when it seems like they need to be deflated. I need to put different goggles on when I look at him and see if we can't figure out what to do about him. If I'm going to be in this I might as well not let it be stagnant. No point to that.

[daylilies]

Good luck Bridget! Maybe this whole trip will help shed some light on some things and put you guys in a better direction. I sure hope so!

[missychrissy]

What does he want to do with his life? That's something only he can decide. You can (and would, I know) be supportive...but he has to be the one to follow his dreams.

[Bridget]

What does he want to do with his life? That's something only he can decide. You can (and would, I know) be supportive...but he has to be the one to follow his dreams.
He changes his mind a lot. He's very smart but lacks focus. I think he'd for sure be diagnosed with some sort of attention disorder if he was ever evaluated. He could never do a typical 9-5 type job and could probably never work for someone. He does not take direction well. He ran two successfull businesses in Hawaii but they were tourism based. Not so much opportunity for that in Wisconsin. He has set up saltwater aquariums for a few people around here and I thought he'd turn that into a business but it never went anywhere. I dunno. Brainstorming it is.

[addysonreese]

He changes his mind a lot. He's very smart but lacks focus. I think he'd for sure be diagnosed with some sort of attention disorder if he was ever evaluated. He could never do a typical 9-5 type job and could probably never work for someone. He does not take direction well. He ran two successfull businesses in Hawaii but they were tourism based. Not so much opportunity for that in Wisconsin. He has set up saltwater aquariums for a few people around here and I thought he'd turn that into a business but it never went anywhere. I dunno. Brainstorming it is.

I hope that when he comes home, you guys can definitely do some thinking and try to figure things out. That would be wonderful! I really hope he is for real on his parenting epiphany. That would be another plus, and would benefit everyone.

[addysonreese]

I confess I just took one of the placement tests for school!

I have to take two - the MAT (Math Assessment) which is free and I can take at home which I just did. The second is the Accuplacer, which I take on Friday at 9am. It cost 30 bucks for the Reading and Math.

For the MAT, I was told not to study, and just take it cold, since it's supposed to determine what I remember. I got 12 out of 25 questions correct, which means I can take a college algebra course, or trigonometry. I want to take whatever ramps me up to Calculus, which I need to take as a pre-med course. At least I didn't land myself in a basic math course again, haha.

Now, I'll just need to take the other placement test, and I can call my advisors after and get registered for classes. And then, I can buy school supplies!!!

This is the first year I'm actually stoked about getting school supplies. Papers and pens and binders and a mini stapler and flash cards! Yay!

Apparently, I'm giddy.

[Janeen]

I confess I just took one of the placement tests for school!

I have to take two - the MAT (Math Assessment) which is free and I can take at home which I just did. The second is the Accuplacer, which I take on Friday at 9am. It cost 30 bucks for the Reading and Math.

For the MAT, I was told not to study, and just take it cold, since it's supposed to determine what I remember. I got 12 out of 25 questions correct, which means I can take a college algebra course, or trigonometry. I want to take whatever ramps me up to Calculus, which I need to take as a pre-med course. At least I didn't land myself in a basic math course again, haha.

Now, I'll just need to take the other placement test, and I can call my advisors after and get registered for classes. And then, I can buy school supplies!!!

This is the first year I'm actually stoked about getting school supplies. Papers and pens and binders and a mini stapler and flash cards! Yay!

Apparently, I'm giddy.

LOL I'm happy for you!

[addysonreese]

LOL I'm happy for you!

Thank you!

I've been meaning to ask you, are you totally stoked for the birth of your LO?? It's getting closer!!

[Janeen]

Thank you!

I've been meaning to ask you, are you totally stoked for the birth of your LO?? It's getting closer!!

I am getting excited and I'm starting to feel more mentally ready/less nervous about the whole process...I think. :laugh:

If he was ready to come today I would be okay with that...except for the fact that his Grandma (my mom) laid out strict orders that the earliest he can come is a week from tomorrow! LOL, that's when she flies in from Arizona. Every time I tease her about him coming early she tells me "control that child!" :laugh:

[Ky'sMom]

What does he want to do with his life? That's something only he can decide. You can (and would, I know) be supportive...but he has to be the one to follow his dreams.

Just reading through the thread after not reading a while but I totally agree with this. You can't make anyone realize what they want to do in life. My DH is kind of unfocused in finding what he really wants to do. He has a couple jobs though that keep him busy and he makes good money, but he would rather not do those jobs, yet he doesn't do anything to find what he really wants to do.

Also, just an idea but, what about him starting like a contractor or handyman business. All the pics you post of his work are always awesome.

Erin

[addysonreese]

I am getting excited and I'm starting to feel more mentally ready/less nervous about the whole process...I think. :laugh:

If he was ready to come today I would be okay with that...except for the fact that his Grandma (my mom) laid out strict orders that the earliest he can come is a week from tomorrow! LOL, that's when she flies in from Arizona. Every time I tease her about him coming early she tells me "control that child!" :laugh:

:laugh: Nice. It must be so exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time!

I have a friend who is due in May as well and she's gotten very impatient. She's like "Okay, any day now, I'm ready!"

[Janeen]

:laugh: Nice. It must be so exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time!

I have a friend who is due in May as well and she's gotten very impatient. She's like "Okay, any day now, I'm ready!"

lol he was moving around this morning and I looked down and said "Don't worry, you'll be out here soon enough!"

[stash]

I confess I just got my bloodwork back and my thyroid's all Fed up again (it always is in pregnancy) and it sort of dawned on me that I'm going to be on a roller coaster of changing meds for the next six months and I'm really not looking forward to that. :(

[Janeen]

I confess I just got my bloodwork back and my thyroid's all Fed up again (it always is in pregnancy) and it sort of dawned on me that I'm going to be on a roller coaster of changing meds for the next six months and I'm really not looking forward to that. :(

That's a bummer. :hugs:

[addysonreese]

I confess I just got my bloodwork back and my thyroid's all Fed up again (it always is in pregnancy) and it sort of dawned on me that I'm going to be on a roller coaster of changing meds for the next six months and I'm really not looking forward to that. :(

:hugs: I'm sorry. That sucks.

[midgeend]

I confess I just got my bloodwork back and my thyroid's all Fed up again (it always is in pregnancy) and it sort of dawned on me that I'm going to be on a roller coaster of changing meds for the next six months and I'm really not looking forward to that. :(


ugh, I'm sorry. I really hope it's not too bad for you.

[Gwenn]

Well, I woke up to heavy nausea (didn't throw up but wanted to) and then found AF was here. Still a little nauseous (sp?). I suspect this may be another early m/c ... I know I have MTHFR and I know that can lead to difficulty with implantation. The doctors don't believe me that my past m/c was due to MTHFR but I can't imagine why they wouldn't consider that a factor? Anyway, I suspect I've had at least 3 m/c for which I never got a BFP because it never implanted ... but the doctors don't believe me because there was no BFP. It's a catch 22. DH wants me to look into Clomid now hoping it will make us successful if I get to see him on leave this summer before he goes overseas. I'm not really sure I see the point of that as the chances of the timing being right would be vanishingly small. I also don't know that Clomid will solve the problem. When he comes back, I agree it's time to seek out medical support beyond my OB/gyn.

I went to the county fair today with my kids. It was "special needs day" and I loved watching the smiles on my kids' faces getting to do something they normally wouldn't get to do. I got some great pictures.

One of the mothers came along with us (actually her whole family). I found her sitting on top of a hay bale smoking a cigarette. Okay, it's one thing if you smoke and even if you are okay with smoking in front of your children ... but smoking while chaperoning your child's class of young children during a "special needs" event? While sitting on top of a hay bale?

[Gwenn]

Really? We got married just before I started my masters and it didn't affect us there. But than again I was just getting federal loans or paying cash when we could. And DH wasn't making mega bucks.

Well, DH has never made mega bucks but sadly, when I was in school he made more without a college degree than I make now with my master's ... which is part of the reason he's been out of work for so long. His level of experience and level of education don't match, so if he applies for a high level job they don't want him because he doesn't have a degree, and if he applies for unskilled work they don't want him because of his experience. Which is why he's deploying, in large part...

[Bridget]

Well, I woke up to heavy nausea (didn't throw up but wanted to) and then found AF was here. Still a little nauseous (sp?). I suspect this may be another early m/c ... I know I have MTHFR and I know that can lead to difficulty with implantation. The doctors don't believe me that my past m/c was due to MTHFR but I can't imagine why they wouldn't consider that a factor? Anyway, I suspect I've had at least 3 m/c for which I never got a BFP because it never implanted ... but the doctors don't believe me because there was no BFP. It's a catch 22. DH wants me to look into Clomid now hoping it will make us successful if I get to see him on leave this summer before he goes overseas. I'm not really sure I see the point of that as the chances of the timing being right would be vanishingly small. I also don't know that Clomid will solve the problem. When he comes back, I agree it's time to seek out medical support beyond my OB/gyn.

I went to the county fair today with my kids. It was "special needs day" and I loved watching the smiles on my kids' faces getting to do something they normally wouldn't get to do. I got some great pictures.

One of the mothers came along with us (actually her whole family). I found her sitting on top of a hay bale smoking a cigarette. Okay, it's one thing if you smoke and even if you are okay with smoking in front of your children ... but smoking while chaperoning your child's class of young children during a "special needs" event? While sitting on top of a hay bale?
OMG to the mom smoking on the hay bale. WTF? It would be funny if it wasn't so....not.
And :hugs:to you for AF showing up. I'm so sorry.

[Cosmosmom]

Well, DH has never made mega bucks but sadly, when I was in school he made more without a college degree than I make now with my master's ... which is part of the reason he's been out of work for so long. His level of experience and level of education don't match, so if he applies for a high level job they don't want him because he doesn't have a degree, and if he applies for unskilled work they don't want him because of his experience. Which is why he's deploying, in large part...

I'm sorry about AF. Do you take aspirin? And OMG to that smoking woman on hay at a school thing!!!


Yeah DH ran into that a lot too where people didn't want to hire him thinking he would just leave. He eventually got on with manpower and they had him at his job a year before he got hired on. In the over 3 years, he has never missed a day of work and really isn't looking to leave. Just not much call for his field here and now being out of the field for like 4 years, I don't think it will happen.

thankfully we can still live a comfortable enough life since cost of living isn't too bad here.

[Gwenn]

I'm sorry about AF. Do you take aspirin? And OMG to that smoking woman on hay at a school thing!!!


Yeah DH ran into that a lot too where people didn't want to hire him thinking he would just leave. He eventually got on with manpower and they had him at his job a year before he got hired on. In the over 3 years, he has never missed a day of work and really isn't looking to leave. Just not much call for his field here and now being out of the field for like 4 years, I don't think it will happen.

thankfully we can still live a comfortable enough life since cost of living isn't too bad here.

I don't take aspirin. I know many people do but it's a case of knowing too much for me. Long-term aspirin usage can lead to hearing loss and it wasn't worth it for me. Although I think I need to re-examine my priorities here.

As for us, I make a professional salary and I should be able to support us but we bought our house when we were both working and planned on both our incomes. My parents actually own the house and we pay our mortgage to them. They've been very patient considering our situation right now, which is great in one way, but on the other hand we don't feel comfortable walking away because I don't want them to take a hit. I hate it because I should be able to support my family on my own and I can't.

[The10Eels]

I confess I am all for being honest with your kids, but am appalled at some of the things parents say to their children....

I was doing a throat swab on a patient (13 years old) today, and explained before I started that it may make her want to gag... She did perfect, and didn't gag at all, and the mom puts her hand on the girls shoulder and says "You will make a man very happy someday".....................:shocker:



and I confess I got a call from the courthouse today. The divorce papers have been sent to B and should arrive on Thursday - which would have been our 3 year anniversary... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! hahah:cabbage:

[Janeen]

I confess I am all for being honest with your kids, but am appalled at some of the things parents say to their children....

I was doing a throat swab on a patient (13 years old) today, and explained before I started that it may make her want to gag... She did perfect, and didn't gag at all, and the mom puts her hand on the girls shoulder and says "You will make a man very happy someday".....................:shocker:



and I confess I got a call from the courthouse today. The divorce papers have been sent to B and should arrive on Thursday - which would have been our 3 year anniversary... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! hahah:cabbage:

EW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ironic how that works out on the anniversary day huh?

[daylilies]

I was like of like LOL and Ewww at the same time at the throat swab story.

[missychrissy]

Just reading through the thread after not reading a while but I totally agree with this. You can't make anyone realize what they want to do in life. My DH is kind of unfocused in finding what he really wants to do. He has a couple jobs though that keep him busy and he makes good money, but he would rather not do those jobs, yet he doesn't do anything to find what he really wants to do.

Also, just an idea but, what about him starting like a contractor or handyman business. All the pics you post of his work are always awesome.

Erin

That's an excellent idea.

He's a really lucky man to have you, because I can't help but feel that no one likes to be told what to do, but that's what being a grown up is all about. I'd be ordering him to suck it up, get and keep a job-ANY job! or leave.

Like I said, he's lucky to have you. I hope he knows that.


I confess I just took one of the placement tests for school!

I have to take two - the MAT (Math Assessment) which is free and I can take at home which I just did. The second is the Accuplacer, which I take on Friday at 9am. It cost 30 bucks for the Reading and Math.

For the MAT, I was told not to study, and just take it cold, since it's supposed to determine what I remember. I got 12 out of 25 questions correct, which means I can take a college algebra course, or trigonometry. I want to take whatever ramps me up to Calculus, which I need to take as a pre-med course. At least I didn't land myself in a basic math course again, haha.

Now, I'll just need to take the other placement test, and I can call my advisors after and get registered for classes. And then, I can buy school supplies!!!

This is the first year I'm actually stoked about getting school supplies. Papers and pens and binders and a mini stapler and flash cards! Yay!

Apparently, I'm giddy.

Wonderful!!! :hooray:


I confess I just got my bloodwork back and my thyroid's all Fed up again (it always is in pregnancy) and it sort of dawned on me that I'm going to be on a roller coaster of changing meds for the next six months and I'm really not looking forward to that. :(
:( Oh no.

[Bridget]

I confess I am all for being honest with your kids, but am appalled at some of the things parents say to their children....

I was doing a throat swab on a patient (13 years old) today, and explained before I started that it may make her want to gag... She did perfect, and didn't gag at all, and the mom puts her hand on the girls shoulder and says "You will make a man very happy someday".....................:shocker:



and I confess I got a call from the courthouse today. The divorce papers have been sent to B and should arrive on Thursday - which would have been our 3 year anniversary... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! hahah:cabbage:
Um that doesn't strike me as so much honest, as vulgar. Way to set your daughter up. Ew.


That's an excellent idea.

He's a really lucky man to have you, because I can't help but feel that no one likes to be told what to do, but that's what being a grown up is all about. I'd be ordering him to suck it up, get and keep a job-ANY job! or leave.

Like I said, he's lucky to have you. I hope he knows that.

.
Thanks. I think he's pretty darn lucky too!:laugh:
But I should clarify that he does make money. He makes sure we never fall into debt. Well, we both make sure of that but he does have rental property and other investments and hobbies that bring money in. Just nothing consistent and it leaves a lot of time on his hands.
SAVANA IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:hooray:

[missychrissy]

:hooray::cabbage:Woo hoo!!! Has she told you about her trip? Did she like it?

[Bridget]

:hooray::cabbage:Woo hoo!!! Has she told you about her trip? Did she like it?
The flight didn't arrive until almost midnight so she was sleeping and didn't even wake up when I put her in her carseat. While dbf was waiting for the bags I just stood outside the car holding her and smelling her. :wub:
Now she's sleeping in and I just can't wait for her to wake up. Dbf's mom did call me yesterday and tell me it was the most perfect trip and Savana was a perfect angel. I am beyond proud of my little girl.

[missychrissy]

That's always so awesome to hear. :)

[daylilies]

Glad it all went well Bridget!

[MammaMia]

The flight didn't arrive until almost midnight so she was sleeping and didn't even wake up when I put her in her carseat. While dbf was waiting for the bags I just stood outside the car holding her and smelling her. :wub:
Now she's sleeping in and I just can't wait for her to wake up. Dbf's mom did call me yesterday and tell me it was the most perfect trip and Savana was a perfect angel. I am beyond proud of my little girl.

Yay!! I'm so glad she had a nice time, and that she's home. :hooray:

[Cosmosmom]

I don't take aspirin. I know many people do but it's a case of knowing too much for me. Long-term aspirin usage can lead to hearing loss and it wasn't worth it for me. Although I think I need to re-examine my priorities here.

As for us, I make a professional salary and I should be able to support us but we bought our house when we were both working and planned on both our incomes. My parents actually own the house and we pay our mortgage to them. They've been very patient considering our situation right now, which is great in one way, but on the other hand we don't feel comfortable walking away because I don't want them to take a hit. I hate it because I should be able to support my family on my own and I can't.

But would it really be long term use? I mean could you just try it out a little bit before your DH gets back...just long enough to get you pg and stay that way. I really haven't done much research on baby aspirin but it seems that is what a lot of people take for various reasons.

That is one thing that totally stressed DH about building our house...the fact that renting we could totally live off my salary alone if we had to but in a house we will need both of us. Of course when all said and done the mortgage and taxes will be only maybe 200 more than we were paying in rent when we were living in Milwaukee....and we make more here than we did there.
I am a little nervous to see what the utilities will be though!

[Cosmosmom]

OMG that is such an inappropriate thing to say to a 13 yr old girl!

Bridget I'm so glad she is back and things went so well! I can't imagine how much you must have missed her.....I'm bad enough if I have to be away from Cosmo for a week and she is just my dog.

[stash]

I'm so glad Savanna's home!

The comment about gagging is inappropriate - that child doesn't even need that in her head right now. :(

And the aspirin use would be only until you got pregnant and through your first trimester, as I understand it?

[addysonreese]

I confess I am all for being honest with your kids, but am appalled at some of the things parents say to their children....

I was doing a throat swab on a patient (13 years old) today, and explained before I started that it may make her want to gag... She did perfect, and didn't gag at all, and the mom puts her hand on the girls shoulder and says "You will make a man very happy someday".....................:shocker:



and I confess I got a call from the courthouse today. The divorce papers have been sent to B and should arrive on Thursday - which would have been our 3 year anniversary... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! hahah:cabbage:

Wow. That is probably the worst thing a mother could say to her child. That isn't even something you JOKE about with a 13 year old.. :ohno:

As far as the divorce papers, that's rather ironic. I hope he recognizes what day it is. He's an a$$!


SAVANA IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:hooray:

:hooray::hooray::hooray: So glad! And I read further down that she had such a good time, which is awesome!

[Cosmosmom]

I confess...finally called my landlord and told him we were moving. I don't know but I was REALLY nervous to do that. We have been here 3.5 years and like him well enough and liked it where lived for the most part.
Our lease is through Oct but we are moving in June. I know we are on the hook and while we don't want to pay, we will if we have to. He thinks it will be rented before than.
I think that part of it is because he's a builder (his grandson runs the business now)...and while we did look into going with them, we ended up going with another builder.

I also confess I must be stressed....last month I had a golf ball sized cyst on my leg. Finally is healing and now I have a marble sized one under my boob, right where my underwire hits (I'm not wearing underwire today!). I went ahead and had some brandy last night and than tried to pop the stupid thing (they feel a lot better after that) but it just wasn't ready. Grrrrrr. These things are something that I normally deal with on a fairly regular basis....just the last two have been in weird spots for me and the one last month was unusually large for me. I do see a doctor but they are not really helpful with hidradentitis and I have had it more of my life than not (basically since puberty).

Hopefully once the move is over my stress will go down!

[addysonreese]

I confess...finally called my landlord and told him we were moving. I don't know but I was REALLY nervous to do that. We have been here 3.5 years and like him well enough and liked it where lived for the most part.
Our lease is through Oct but we are moving in June. I know we are on the hook and while we don't want to pay, we will if we have to. He thinks it will be rented before than.
I think that part of it is because he's a builder (his grandson runs the business now)...and while we did look into going with them, we ended up going with another builder.

I also confess I must be stressed....last month I had a golf ball sized cyst on my leg. Finally is healing and now I have a marble sized one under my boob, right where my underwire hits (I'm not wearing underwire today!). I went ahead and had some brandy last night and than tried to pop the stupid thing (they feel a lot better after that) but it just wasn't ready. Grrrrrr. These things are something that I normally deal with on a fairly regular basis....just the last two have been in weird spots for me and the one last month was unusually large for me. I do see a doctor but they are not really helpful with hidradentitis and I have had it more of my life than not (basically since puberty).

Hopefully once the move is over my stress will go down!

I hope your stress level goes down soon too! Moves always tend to do that. I find packing worse than unpacking though. But that's probably just me, lol.

I get those things from the underwire too!! I decided I don't want to wear underwire bras anymore, so I went ahead and got two non-wire bras and I feel so much better. Mine always used to break and the wire would poke out at me under my armpit. Not fun. I have to say, the "girls" give me the most trouble. I've thought about a reduction, but I just don't have the money for it.

[Bridget]

So I'm just now hanging out on Amazon and my library online looking for secular children's book that help explain death. And as I'm looking and reading I start to feel really overwhelmed and really sad and suddenly I realize that I am terrified of death. I am terrified to explain this to my children. And you know why? Because there is no heaven. I was taught that my loved ones went to heaven and were all together up there. It made it so much less sad. And I know what I believe now. But dammit there is no heaven and that sucks.

[missychrissy]

:hugs:

[addysonreese]

:hugs: Bridget.

[daylilies]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, Bridget.

For me heaven always seems kind of funny to me. I mean look at it from a child's point of view, it's supposed to be this grand place, better than earth, and people and animals go there who are too good for the earth, or who are needed in heaven...I'd start feeling a little bit inferior. Why am I not good enough to be needed in heaven? Why did God give us that kitty, or the baby in mommy's tummy, if he actually needed it in heaven after all? Why am I stuck on earth when heaven is so much better? I just never understood it.

[3andMe]

I never had anyone super-close to me die when I was little, but I still don't think I understood the concept of permanence, or would have been comforted by the thought of a heaven if that had actually been mentioned. I was just told things like I'd never see her again, that being dead isn't bad or scary or happy or surprising, that it's like nothing. I remember specifically NOT being as sad about it as my parents wanted me to be. I think if you're not expecting a heaven, then the absence of it is not a big deal. If they're aware that she's in pain or acting differently, you can tell them she won't be in pain any more, which to me would be heavenly.

I know your kids have been able to grasp really advanced concepts and may vividly miss your mom, but I still think that they might surprise you with how well they take it. They'll probably be more concerned about your sadness, and I think that is the part you'll need to focus on more with them.

I'm so sorry you're having to cope with this, and I do believe that a lot of times the family suffers equally or more so than the person who is gravely ill, because there is so much helplessness, regret, and sorrow without a definite end point.

---------------

Stacy, I hope your thyroid magically gets well-controlled with the next adjustment.

-------------------------

Mandy, I'm sorry this isn't your month. I would definitely talk to an RE about baby aspirin, or whatever is recommended. I know there are pros and cons, and you definitely have researched, but it's still good to know the relative risk, especially for short-term use. I think the majority of my patients are on baby aspirin and I know many who have taken it for 20+ years, and have only met one person in my career with medication-related hearing loss. And that wasn't from aspirin (vancomycin).

[addysonreese]

Lydia, forgive me as I may have missed this at some point, but what is it you do for work? I can tell it's medicine-related, but what exactly (if you don't mind me asking)?

[3andMe]

I'm an Endoscopy RN at a teaching hospital.

[Janeen]

Cross posted from May DD...

Is it any surprise that Jimi and I are kind of a couple of smart asses? Why should our son be any different right? :P

The more I think about this going home outfit thing...the more I'm being pulled to this cute little smart ass shirt that I just love so much.

I think I'm going to pair it with a pair of little blue shorts and probably some blue sockies.

Is this not just hilarious? :laugh:

http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p138/illusi0ns4u/IMG_0606.jpg

[3andMe]

I like it!

[addysonreese]

I'm an Endoscopy RN at a teaching hospital.

Oh, very cool! It now makes sense why you know so much medical terminology. :)


Cross posted from May DD...

Is it any surprise that Jimi and I are kind of a couple of smart asses? Why should our son be any different right? :P

The more I think about this going home outfit thing...the more I'm being pulled to this cute little smart ass shirt that I just love so much.

I think I'm going to pair it with a pair of little blue shorts and probably some blue sockies.

Is this not just hilarious? :laugh:

http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p138/illusi0ns4u/IMG_0606.jpg

:lol: I love it!!!

[daylilies]

I like the shirt, Janeen.

[Bridget]

I never had anyone super-close to me die when I was little, but I still don't think I understood the concept of permanence, or would have been comforted by the thought of a heaven if that had actually been mentioned. I was just told things like I'd never see her again, that being dead isn't bad or scary or happy or surprising, that it's like nothing. I remember specifically NOT being as sad about it as my parents wanted me to be. I think if you're not expecting a heaven, then the absence of it is not a big deal. If they're aware that she's in pain or acting differently, you can tell them she won't be in pain any more, which to me would be heavenly.

I know your kids have been able to grasp really advanced concepts and may vividly miss your mom, but I still think that they might surprise you with how well they take it. They'll probably be more concerned about your sadness, and I think that is the part you'll need to focus on more with them.

I'm so sorry you're having to cope with this, and I do believe that a lot of times the family suffers equally or more so than the person who is gravely ill, because there is so much helplessness, regret, and sorrow without a definite end point.
I agree with this. And I'm sure that the children will take it better than I will. Savana already asks questions about death and we have discussed "back to the Earth" in terms of animals and plants. For me personally, I took comfort in thinking that, for example, when my grandma died that she was going to meet up with my grandpa.
However the idea of eternal life really used to freak me out. I don't know why but I used to lay in bed and think, for EVER??? Really?

[addysonreese]

I confess that Steel Magnolias has been playing a whole lot the past couple of weeks on Lifetime (either that or Oxygen; I don't really pay attention lol) and I watch it every. single. time.

I used to hate that movie, but my mom got me to watch it once and I've been in love with it ever since. Such a good movie. And some of the lines are so hilarious I can't help myself but to recite them, and then Clinton looks at me funny, haha.

[daylilies]

Oh man that movie is so funny and so sad. The cemetery scene gets me every time.

[addysonreese]

Oh man that movie is so funny and so sad. The cemetery scene gets me every time.

Me too. I love Sally Field in that scene.. but then of course, they had to make a huge joke at the end, which was wonderful.

I think what I like best is that's how my family deals with things like that. We joke. We reminisce. We tell funny stories.. and if we're sad, we deal with it on our own time. I think that's why I don't deal with certain things very well, because I'm used to just being sad on my own, so when others are sad around me I'm not sure how to react and I feel completely uncomfortable. I'd rather just deal with it on my own and save happy times for being with others. If that makes sense.

[Gwenn]

Thanks for the support, everyone. I believe I've been putting a little too much faith that between my mother, and my sister, and my aunt, and at least two of my cousins who have MTHFR, NONE of them have struggled with fertility or pregnancy issues and many have gotten pregnant either on the first month of trying or even while actively preventing. I just haven't taken it seriously enough. I need to take it seriously and do what it takes.

[stash]

Oh, Bridget. It's so hard when you have to shake what you've been taught as a child. For me, death isn't scary. It's not scary because my mother said to be from the beginning, "do you remember before you were born? it's like that." And strangely, that made sense. And because I've spent a lot of years teaching myself not to fear the unknown, or try to explain it away with miracles and myths, but to cherish the not knowing. That's the mythical and mysterious to me. There's another great adventure in store after we die. It might be whatever "nothingness" really means, and it might be about a zillion other things our little biological systems are incapable of understanding. None of us will ever know. And that's cool, not scary. I've fostered that idea as I've grown older, and now, death (my own) doesn't scare me a bit. I'm trying to relay that to Oscar when we talk about it.

Death DOES make me sad, for sure. The idea of losing my mother, or anyone else I love, and the process of grieving, because I've been through it a few times, makes me so sad. Because I know how hard it will be. And having kids and imagining them missing their grandma (Oscar is very close to my mom) breaks my heart. But, death is also an integral part of the fabric of life. Our challenge is to learn to embrace it like we embrace birth, as part of the process. That doesn't mean it won't be painful. Pain is inevitable, but suffering isn't.

I'm very sorry you're going through this. I can only imagine that losing my mother will be terribly, terribly hard. I hope to know you to gain strength from you when that inevitable time comes. Hugs.

[3andMe]

It's not scary because my mother said to be from the beginning, "do you remember before you were born? it's like that."

I think that is a really great way to explain it!

I actually wish that in our modern age, we had more exposure to death. Not that I wish people would die young and often like they did in the not-too-distant past, but that more people could spend their last hours at home, surrounded by friends and family. I think it would take a little of the mysteriousness and fear out of the whole process.

[stash]

I agree, Lydia. I think one of the biggest shames about the way our culture deals with life is hiding death away like it's some bad secret not to be shared. If we talked about it more openly, more honestly, spent time teaching our children how to think about it and handle it instead of covering it up with flowers and fairies... maybe people wouldn't waste their lives in fear, or trying to seek to "find answers" where there simply are none.

[daylilies]

Ugh...my SIL just joined the facebook group "Give us back Michael Jackson and we will send you Justin Bieber (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Give-us-back-Michael-Jackson-and-we-will-send-you-Justin-Bieber/112723145412035?ref=nf)."

I don't get Justin Bieber either, but I certainly don't wish him dead.

[AmeriBrit]

Ugh...my SIL just joined the facebook group "Give us back Michael Jackson and we will send you Justin Bieber (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Give-us-back-Michael-Jackson-and-we-will-send-you-Justin-Bieber/112723145412035?ref=nf)."

I don't get Justin Bieber either, but I certainly don't wish him dead.

That's just really bad taste that; I have no idea who Justin Bieber is but that's just wrong.

[Bridget]

I hate that type of facebook crap. I don't know Justin Beiber's talent as I've never heard him sing but I did see him in a late night interview and he's freaking adorable.

[Bridget]

Oh, Bridget. It's so hard when you have to shake what you've been taught as a child. For me, death isn't scary. It's not scary because my mother said to be from the beginning, "do you remember before you were born? it's like that." And strangely, that made sense. And because I've spent a lot of years teaching myself not to fear the unknown, or try to explain it away with miracles and myths, but to cherish the not knowing. That's the mythical and mysterious to me. There's another great adventure in store after we die. It might be whatever "nothingness" really means, and it might be about a zillion other things our little biological systems are incapable of understanding. None of us will ever know. And that's cool, not scary. I've fostered that idea as I've grown older, and now, death (my own) doesn't scare me a bit. I'm trying to relay that to Oscar when we talk about it.
Death DOES make me sad, for sure. The idea of losing my mother, or anyone else I love, and the process of grieving, because I've been through it a few times, makes me so sad. Because I know how hard it will be. And having kids and imagining them missing their grandma (Oscar is very close to my mom) breaks my heart. But, death is also an integral part of the fabric of life. Our challenge is to learn to embrace it like we embrace birth, as part of the process. That doesn't mean it won't be painful. Pain is inevitable, but suffering isn't.

I'm very sorry you're going through this. I can only imagine that losing my mother will be terribly, terribly hard. I hope to know you to gain strength from you when that inevitable time comes. Hugs.
Thank you, Stacy. I do like the way your mom described it to you. I have ordered a few books so that we can slowly start to talk about it.

[daylilies]

Josh thinks We wish you a Merry Christmas goes "...and a happy all day!" (yes he sings Christmas songs year round)

[Cosmosmom]

I'm an Endoscopy RN at a teaching hospital.

I knew you were a nurse but didn't know that it was in endoscopy. That is something I hope to not have done!

Though my dad has had two know since he has Barrets Esophagus and they are watching that (and he only knew about it because he was anemic...didn't have pain from the ulcers or much in the way of bad heartburn!).

[Cosmosmom]

Thanks for the support, everyone. I believe I've been putting a little too much faith that between my mother, and my sister, and my aunt, and at least two of my cousins who have MTHFR, NONE of them have struggled with fertility or pregnancy issues and many have gotten pregnant either on the first month of trying or even while actively preventing. I just haven't taken it seriously enough. I need to take it seriously and do what it takes.

How did you know that you had this? Were you tested because of the family history? as far as I know they never looked into anything like that with me.

I did have a ton of blood drawn recently and going to see the endocrine doc in less than a hour to see if it turned up anything.

[The10Eels]

I confess Happy NON-anniversary to me!

[daylilies]

I confess I learned a new abbreviation at another community that I think should be used here (not just this thread but on APA in general)
It's tl;dr and it means too long; didn't read or too long; don't read. Sometimes people also call it "teal deer" as in "teal deer ahead!" if they're about to tell a long story.

Or..they will type in a super long story and at the end they put tl;dr and a short summary of what they wrote. I just think it's cute, and I know I for one could put that to use sometimes!

[Cosmosmom]

Got results back and it's very clear that I do not have PCOS as those hormones are all in the perfect range. And I do not even have pre-diabetes (they did several kinds of insulin tests)...which I was sort of expecting since my dad, his brother, their parents...all are or were diabetic. And my sister has PCOS. So I was thinking I was kind of up a crick witout a paddle there.

[missychrissy]

Oh man that movie is so funny and so sad. The cemetery scene gets me every time.

I love that movie too and that scene always makes me cry. :wub: Sally Field.


I agree, Lydia. I think one of the biggest shames about the way our culture deals with life is hiding death away like it's some bad secret not to be shared. If we talked about it more openly, more honestly, spent time teaching our children how to think about it and handle it instead of covering it up with flowers and fairies... maybe people wouldn't waste their lives in fear, or trying to seek to "find answers" where there simply are none.
I agree. I tell my kids (and anyone who will listen) that for all we know, this is it and we should enjoy it now while we have it.

My father had a near-death experience a couple years before I was born. His heart had stopped twice and they had to use the defibrillator on him. I was about 4 when I asked him what it was like to be dead...and that was his response, "Do you remember what it was like before you were born? It's just like that."

[missychrissy]

Got results back and it's very clear that I do not have PCOS as those hormones are all in the perfect range. And I do not even have pre-diabetes (they did several kinds of insulin tests)...which I was sort of expecting since my dad, his brother, their parents...all are or were diabetic. And my sister has PCOS. So I was thinking I was kind of up a crick witout a paddle there.
Good news.

[addysonreese]

Got results back and it's very clear that I do not have PCOS as those hormones are all in the perfect range. And I do not even have pre-diabetes (they did several kinds of insulin tests)...which I was sort of expecting since my dad, his brother, their parents...all are or were diabetic. And my sister has PCOS. So I was thinking I was kind of up a crick witout a paddle there.

That's good :) Do you have a plan of attack now? Or do they still want to figure out what's going on first?

[Cosmosmom]

That's good :) Do you have a plan of attack now? Or do they still want to figure out what's going on first?

Yeah lose weight. That is always the answer to everything! Well ok so I do need to lose weight since I put on more than I like to think about dealing with the whole infertility thing. But still had issues with the skin even at my lowest weight, though probably not quite as often.

The thing is there is still so much we don't know about the human body and medicine....they don't know why hidradentis occurs but at least we know now that I currently don't have some of the conditions that go along with it. They don't really have any great treatment options either. Which I have known for a while so I just deal with it.

I have put myself on zinc since it's OTC and have read in a few places where that seemed to help people.
Don't know if that helped or not yet with the skin...giving it at least 4 months. BUT I just had a 26 day cycle with only one day of spotting before. That is probably one of the longest ones I have had in three years (think I got to 27 days on clomid) and only one day of spotting is impressive...usually at least 3 and often closer to 5.

As far as getting pg, I'm kind of done and over it and do not want to pay for medical treatments or go through anymore. I am pretty much unexplained...though I opted out of an HSG so technically there could be a blockage there I really do not believe there is...not a single risk factor..and if they are blocked, we do not have the money for IVF anyway.
I might try adding a few supplements like fish oil since I do not eat any fish/seafood at all. And keep being good about the vitamins.
At this point, we have come to terms that things might not go the way we wanted and planned....but we can be happy with what we do have, our little Cosmo (and maybe a puppy next year) and a good strong happy marriage.

And it's nice to know that I'm not a walking time bomb like I thought I might be!

[Bridget]

I'm sorry I'm beating this one to the ground but as you'll see, I have NO ONE to talk to about this. Gah. I tried to talk to dbf and let him know that I've been thinking a lot about how to help the kids cope with my mom's illness and such. Whenever I ask him what he believes he's always evasive. I don't think he knows. I asked him if he wanted to read the books before I read them to the kids and he said no. I told him that it was important to me that we're honest with them and we don't tell them there is a heaven and such. He said, "I thought we were just going to let them figure things out on their own." :eyebrow: I said, "Soooo, you want to say nothing at all and just let our very young children muddle through the terminal illness and death of their grandma?" To which he replied, "You said we were going to let them decide what they wanted to believe." Hmm. Okay. I didn't mean that we were just going to kick them into the world blindly and hope they figured it out. Then I asked him if he believed in heaven and he said, "Kind of" :indifferent: I don't get it.
Again, self reflection. He needs it. I. Want. A. Partner.

[Bridget]

Got results back and it's very clear that I do not have PCOS as those hormones are all in the perfect range. And I do not even have pre-diabetes (they did several kinds of insulin tests)...which I was sort of expecting since my dad, his brother, their parents...all are or were diabetic. And my sister has PCOS. So I was thinking I was kind of up a crick witout a paddle there.
That's great news

[addysonreese]

Yeah lose weight. That is always the answer to everything! Well ok so I do need to lose weight since I put on more than I like to think about dealing with the whole infertility thing. But still had issues with the skin even at my lowest weight, though probably not quite as often.

The thing is there is still so much we don't know about the human body and medicine....they don't know why hidradentis occurs but at least we know now that I currently don't have some of the conditions that go along with it. They don't really have any great treatment options either. Which I have known for a while so I just deal with it.

I have put myself on zinc since it's OTC and have read in a few places where that seemed to help people.
Don't know if that helped or not yet with the skin...giving it at least 4 months. BUT I just had a 26 day cycle with only one day of spotting before. That is probably one of the longest ones I have had in three years (think I got to 27 days on clomid) and only one day of spotting is impressive...usually at least 3 and often closer to 5.

As far as getting pg, I'm kind of done and over it and do not want to pay for medical treatments or go through anymore. I am pretty much unexplained...though I opted out of an HSG so technically there could be a blockage there I really do not believe there is...not a single risk factor..and if they are blocked, we do not have the money for IVF anyway.
I might try adding a few supplements like fish oil since I do not eat any fish/seafood at all. And keep being good about the vitamins.
At this point, we have come to terms that things might not go the way we wanted and planned....but we can be happy with what we do have, our little Cosmo (and maybe a puppy next year) and a good strong happy marriage.

And it's nice to know that I'm not a walking time bomb like I thought I might be!

It sounds like it's a whole lot to digest, but I'm glad you have a clear mind about it, and you know what you want to do, which is really good. :) I'm glad you didn't have any of the issues you thought you might, like the PCOS!


I'm sorry I'm beating this one to the ground but as you'll see, I have NO ONE to talk to about this. Gah. I tried to talk to dbf and let him know that I've been thinking a lot about how to help the kids cope with my mom's illness and such. Whenever I ask him what he believes he's always evasive. I don't think he knows. I asked him if he wanted to read the books before I read them to the kids and he said no. I told him that it was important to me that we're honest with them and we don't tell them there is a heaven and such. He said, "I thought we were just going to let them figure things out on their own." :eyebrow: I said, "Soooo, you want to say nothing at all and just let our very young children muddle through the terminal illness and death of their grandma?" To which he replied, "You said we were going to let them decide what they wanted to believe." Hmm. Okay. I didn't mean that we were just going to kick them into the world blindly and hope they figured it out. Then I asked him if he believed in heaven and he said, "Kind of" :indifferent: I don't get it.
Again, self reflection. He needs it. I. Want. A. Partner.

:eyebrow: So, at their young ages he wants them to decide what they want to believe? They don't know any of that stuff yet! You let them build their own thoughts and ideals when they grow up, not when they haven't learned to tie their shoes yet (or maybe they have :laugh: I'm just using an example).

I'm sorry you have to deal with him being such an idiot. This is not an easy situation, and he should be more than willing to want to help you figure out how to explain it to them. He is just so d@mn clueless. :ohno:

[missychrissy]

I'm sorry I'm beating this one to the ground but as you'll see, I have NO ONE to talk to about this. Gah. I tried to talk to dbf and let him know that I've been thinking a lot about how to help the kids cope with my mom's illness and such. Whenever I ask him what he believes he's always evasive. I don't think he knows. I asked him if he wanted to read the books before I read them to the kids and he said no. I told him that it was important to me that we're honest with them and we don't tell them there is a heaven and such. He said, "I thought we were just going to let them figure things out on their own." :eyebrow: I said, "Soooo, you want to say nothing at all and just let our very young children muddle through the terminal illness and death of their grandma?" To which he replied, "You said we were going to let them decide what they wanted to believe." Hmm. Okay. I didn't mean that we were just going to kick them into the world blindly and hope they figured it out. Then I asked him if he believed in heaven and he said, "Kind of" :indifferent: I don't get it.
Again, self reflection. He needs it. I. Want. A. Partner.
Oh Bridget! I wish I knew what to say. I'm so sorry he's not 'there' for you like you need him to be.

[daylilies]

It sounds so frustrating Bridget. I really think you should tell the kids what you want to tell them and let him catch up when he's ready. Like the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. He's missing out on all these great chances to be a team with you and to raise some great kids. And it really sucks but from what I read you have tried so hard to include him and he just doesn't take the bait. It's his freaking loss IMO.
Actually, try this. (I just learned this recently) Next time you have a chance to talk to dbf, say to him "You said earlier you 'kind of' believe in heaven. Can you tell me more about that?"

If you're anything like me, you shut down when he says something that pisses you off or confuses you. I wonder if he'd say more to you if you prompted him.

[AmeriBrit]

Sorry to hear about your partner, Bridget.

One of our close family friends is 78 and was just diagnosed with lung cancer. Those of us who are non-church goers seem to be dealing better than the church crowd as we've spoken about it and we see death as natural, kind of like Stash said about not remembering before you are born.

[stash]

Oh Bridget, that just makes me ANGRY for you. He's a lazy booger. Let them figure it out themselves. That's ridiculous. It's one thing to say "we're going to give them tools and support and let them make their own decisions about life" which is what I think you meant, and it's totally another to presume (like your BF is) that you're just going to leave them to their own devices to figure it out for themselves. I mean HELLO how does he expect them to do that with no tools, no guidance, no loving parent providing necessary information? Gah.

[midgeend]

Jennifer - that's great about not having pcos. Have you done any work with kinesiology (sp?) before, to find out if the skin stuff could be an allergy that hasn't been picked up before....it could also help with the infertility.

Bridget - I'm sorry that you're not only dealing with how to talk about your mom with your kids, but also your bf being a doof. I feel like so many times, men are like that - they just don't know how to put what they think into words, and then they end up just saying the very wrong thing...or they just don't use their heads at all. It's annoying to have to be the only thinking person about such things.

Stash - I love that way of looking at death, as your mom put it. It reminds me of my dad always telling me that I've been here forever. That since I didn't know anything before I was, then I have been here forever, and will go on forever. In a very non life-after-death kind of forever way.

[Cosmosmom]

Jennifer - that's great about not having pcos. Have you done any work with kinesiology (sp?) before, to find out if the skin stuff could be an allergy that hasn't been picked up before....it could also help with the infertility.

.


Hmmm, I don't know anything about kinesiology. I would guess probably not an allergy though...my sister has the same thing only to a lesser degree. They do think that there tends to be a genetic component.
I will have to look for some more information on it....

I do know that we both tend to really sensitive skin....and I am allergic to penicillin.

[The10Eels]

I confess I have never seen Steel Magnolias....

and I have some good news on the topic of cancer...

I confess one of my best friends from high school just got his clean bill of health yesterday!!! This was his second form of cancer - Leukemia when he was 8, and then Hodgkins Lymphoma at 22...

I am hoping to get to take this trip to Seattle in Sept. If I do, I want to surprise him for his birthday!

[daylilies]

Good for him, Ashley!

[MammaMia]

That's wonderful news Ashley!

I lost a friend at 22 to leukemia. Horrible disease. :(

[missychrissy]

I confess I have never seen Steel Magnolias....

and I have some good news on the topic of cancer...

I confess one of my best friends from high school just got his clean bill of health yesterday!!! This was his second form of cancer - Leukemia when he was 8, and then Hodgkins Lymphoma at 22...

I am hoping to get to take this trip to Seattle in Sept. If I do, I want to surprise him for his birthday!

That's wonderful!!

[midgeend]

That's awesome Ashley.


About Steel Magnolia's though - you really need to see it. It's one of my favorite movies ever.

[missychrissy]

I agree Steel Magnolias is one of the best movies. I think I'll watch it again next week when I'm recuperating :)

[missychrissy]

Bobbie met with Professor Whitman yesterday and it was a success!! The poor girl was almost shaking with fear leading up to the meeting...this was a first for her. I kept trying to reassure her, but she was terrified. I was really concerned about leaving her on her own to talk to him, but I knew that was the best approach so I just hovered outside the building :D She knew she could call/text me if she needed me.

Anyway, he answered all her questions and was very encouraging. She really feels excited about college and looked like a 5-year-old opening Christmas presents when she came out.

My baby girl is grown up. I couldn't be more proud of her.

[Bridget]

Bobbie met with Professor Whitman yesterday and it was a success!! The poor girl was almost shaking with fear leading up to the meeting...this was a first for her. I kept trying to reassure her, but she was terrified. I was really concerned about leaving her on her own to talk to him, but I knew that was the best approach so I just hovered outside the building :D She knew she could call/text me if she needed me.

Anyway, he answered all her questions and was very encouraging. She really feels excited about college and looked like a 5-year-old opening Christmas presents when she came out.

My baby girl is grown up. I couldn't be more proud of her.
Awesome Chrissy!!!!!!!!!!!:hooray:

[midgeend]

That's great Chrissy!! I'll bet she feels so much more confident now. Now she has something bigger and better to look forward to, which I'm sure will get her through this last year of HS. :cheer:

[missychrissy]

This is the program she hopes to join after her Senior year. She would have tried this year, but we've missed the scholarship deadline :(

http://www.lrc.cornell.edu/asian/programs/summer/falcon

I'm looking to enroll her in an intro to Japanese class this summer.

[stash]

Yay Bobbie! That almost made me cry. I think I'm hormonal. :P

God, I remember how terrifying "meetings" were when I was young/young adult. Don't you wish you could just send them confidence? Now, it doesn't matter who I meet with, I'm like "whatever" and I have a great time with it. I wish I could send some of that whateverness back to my young self. :P

[missychrissy]

That's exactly how I am Stacy. I actually like interviews-I get excited and look forward to them. I get like that with public speaking as well...although the largest crowd I ever addressed was perhaps 50. I wish I could box that confidence up and share with my children.

But I do remember shaking like a leaf at my first interview at Ames Dept. Store. :lol:

[daylilies]

I posted this in Secular, but I know sometimes I forget to check that room outside of this thread, so I wanted to make sure you all see it, particularly Bridget. It's an article written by a UU about talking to kids about death.

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1057315746#post1057315746

[Janeen]

I confess that I'm munching on a wiener. Nom, nom, nom!

[Bridget]

I posted this in Secular, but I know sometimes I forget to check that room outside of this thread, so I wanted to make sure you all see it, particularly Bridget. It's an article written by a UU about talking to kids about death.

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1057315746#post1057315746
Thanks. :wub: Off to read.

[stash]

Janeen said wiener.

[Janeen]

Janeen likes wiener!

[daylilies]

Thanks for sharing! :hi:

[Janeen]

:laugh:

[daylilies]

Speaking of wieners...
DH was scratching himself and I jokingly said "Do you have to pee?" (that's what we say to Josh when he grabs himself) DH said "No I itch!" and he whipped out his junk and started inspecting it. "Well it's not red..." I'm like put that thing away! LOL

[Janeen]

lol awww you should have taken a gander! :laugh:

[Gwenn]

How did you know that you had this? Were you tested because of the family history? as far as I know they never looked into anything like that with me.

I did have a ton of blood drawn recently and going to see the endocrine doc in less than a hour to see if it turned up anything.

I have actually not been tested personally. My cousin passed away of a pulmonary embolism and afterwards her parents got genetic testing and they both have MTHFR - it's recessive meaning they both had two copies so each parent passed on an affected copy to all their children. Her sister and brother were tested and yes, both had the recessive condition. I finally convinced my parents to get testing after my dad assuring me he couldn't have the condition (my mother's brother is my cousin's dad) and learned that both my parents have it in the recessive condition. My sister was tested and she also has it and so does her daughter. Her husband and son each have one copy plus a second clotting factor. I haven't been tested but it's virtually certain I do have it. I have a copy of the genetic counselor's report on my parents.

[Ky'sMom]

I confess that I am just floored after reading some status updates on FB. One of my former classmates was speaking of her grandson. She graduated with me and I am 31 and can't even imagine being a grandmother. That is so weird!!!

Erin

[missychrissy]

That happened to me recently, except I wasn't totally floored by the girl that posted it because she was a skanky ho when we were in school, so it didn't totally surprise me. :D

Yeah, I realize I'm being a bit hypocritical, considering I had Bobbie when I was 17...but that's different. :lol: It did give me pause for thought though...Bobbie says she's going to break the cycle (My mom was also 17 when I was born). I certainly hope she is!! None of my girls or Conner need to keep that tradition going.

[midgeend]

Wow...I think I would feel really tired if I was already a grandmother at 31. That's a lot of life to live in a short amount of time.


I confess I splurged on myself yesterday and bought a hoodie that was more than I would normally ever pay, but rationalized that since I didn't buy any new maternity clothes, that it was okay. I'll wear this after I'm pregnant too, as it's hella tight.

[MammaMia]

Wow, grandma at 31. My mum thought she was a young grandma at 53. :laugh:

[missychrissy]

My mom was 35 when Bobbie was born, and the lady I roomed with was 34 & having her first children...Sara & Cara.

[Bridget]

Dbf has a son who had a baby with his girlfriend last year and while she was pregnant they used to refer to me as grandma. I'm like, Um...I've only been a mom for about three years. Not ready for that title! But now we hardly have contact with him and haven't even met the baby:( I'd take the grandma title if I could see the baby, for sure.

[Ky'sMom]

That happened to me recently, except I wasn't totally floored by the girl that posted it because she was a skanky ho when we were in school, so it didn't totally surprise me. :D



LOL, that is too funny!!

It reminded me that my classmate was actually pretty tomboyish, even in high school and everyone thought that she was a lesbian, even after she turned up pregnant at 15, people thought she did that on purpose so no one would think she was a lesbian.

My mom had my brother at 16, me at 17 and she was a grandma at age 35 as well. I thought that was weird too when I was younger. It is still kind of strange having such a young mother, especially since I'm in my 30s and she's in her 40s. She's only 48.

Erin

[Bridget]

I confess that dbf is watching a horribly violent movie right now. It's gunshot after gunshot after gunshot with a few beatings with a baseball bat sprinkled here and there. I HATE it. I cannot stomach these sorts of movies. They have no redeeming story line as far as I'm concerned and it honestly gives me a stomach ache. Sucks that this is our movie night together and I'm on the computer so I don't have to have the images of this show in my head.
We are so opposite. I'd rather be watching a documentary. Even if it had violence at least it might be educational violence. :laugh:

[AmeriBrit]

I confess that dbf is watching a horribly violent movie right now. It's gunshot after gunshot after gunshot with a few beatings with a baseball bat sprinkled here and there. I HATE it. I cannot stomach these sorts of movies. They have no redeeming story line as far as I'm concerned and it honestly gives me a stomach ache. Sucks that this is our movie night together and I'm on the computer so I don't have to have the images of this show in my head.
We are so opposite. I'd rather be watching a documentary. Even if it had violence at least it might be educational violence. :laugh:

I don't understand how people can watch those kinds of movies. My sister loves all those "Saw" movies and all the other horror type movies. There's no way I'd sleep at night watching any of those. I can't even watch psychological horror films without getting crazy nightmares from them.

[MammaMia]

Dbf has a son who had a baby with his girlfriend last year and while she was pregnant they used to refer to me as grandma. I'm like, Um...I've only been a mom for about three years. Not ready for that title! But now we hardly have contact with him and haven't even met the baby:( I'd take the grandma title if I could see the baby, for sure.

I'm so sorry you guys don't have contact with him. I hope that changes as he grows up. :hugs:


LOL, that is too funny!!

It reminded me that my classmate was actually pretty tomboyish, even in high school and everyone thought that she was a lesbian, even after she turned up pregnant at 15, people thought she did that on purpose so no one would think she was a lesbian.

My mom had my brother at 16, me at 17 and she was a grandma at age 35 as well. I thought that was weird too when I was younger. It is still kind of strange having such a young mother, especially since I'm in my 30s and she's in her 40s. She's only 48.

Erin

That would be weird. All my peers are really late to have kids. I was the first person in my high school year to have a child (at 25). I think 2 other people have had kids since then. My mother thinks I was very young to be having a kid.

It's funny how trends differ depending on where you live.

BTW I love your siggy! Mia saw it and said "3 girls sitting on the stairs!" :laugh:


I confess that dbf is watching a horribly violent movie right now. It's gunshot after gunshot after gunshot with a few beatings with a baseball bat sprinkled here and there. I HATE it. I cannot stomach these sorts of movies. They have no redeeming story line as far as I'm concerned and it honestly gives me a stomach ache. Sucks that this is our movie night together and I'm on the computer so I don't have to have the images of this show in my head.
We are so opposite. I'd rather be watching a documentary. Even if it had violence at least it might be educational violence. :laugh:

I can't deal with ultra-violent movies either.

[The10Eels]

I confess I am working in the book department at work today.

I confess I have never been trained in books, and there wont be anyone there to train me today...

I confess I am rather scared

[stash]

I simply will not watch violent movies. Not even mild violence. Call me a wuss, but it hurts my heart.

[Bridget]

I simply will not watch violent movies. Not even mild violence. Call me a wuss, but it hurts my heart.
This is exactly how I feel.

[MammaMia]

I confess that I am seriously considering deleting my FB account. I'm furious. I save my privacy settings one way, then I go back in to find that they've been changed. This has happened more than once and it makes me sick.

The only thing that's stopping me is that I rely on it for a few things - events, etc.

Grrr. Facebook is so evil.

[missychrissy]

I confess that dbf is watching a horribly violent movie right now. It's gunshot after gunshot after gunshot with a few beatings with a baseball bat sprinkled here and there. I HATE it. I cannot stomach these sorts of movies. They have no redeeming story line as far as I'm concerned and it honestly gives me a stomach ache. Sucks that this is our movie night together and I'm on the computer so I don't have to have the images of this show in my head.
We are so opposite. I'd rather be watching a documentary. Even if it had violence at least it might be educational violence. :laugh:

Shouldn't your movie night be something both of you agree on? I'm not a fan of violent films either...I don't really have an attention span for them and I have zero imagination...if it cannot remotely happen irl, I can't be bothered to sit for 2 hours & watch it. I can watch documentaries back to back all day long though :D


I confess I am working in the book department at work today.

I confess I have never been trained in books, and there wont be anyone there to train me today...

I confess I am rather scared

:hugs: I'm sure you'll do great.


I confess that I am seriously considering deleting my FB account. I'm furious. I save my privacy settings one way, then I go back in to find that they've been changed. This has happened more than once and it makes me sick.

The only thing that's stopping me is that I rely on it for a few things - events, etc.

Grrr. Facebook is so evil.

This has annoyed the heck out of me as well. Every 'improvement' Facebook makes results in something being made public on my profile. I hate it tremendously.

I was on cnn.com and saw on the right it listed CNN articles my Facebook friends had linked in recent weeks. This was after I'd opted to keep my stuff private, so I'm not sure how the site knew who my friends were. grrr. I'll have to look into that more...it says you have to totally block an app, but it doesn't say which one.

[daylilies]

This online writing class I'm taking is reminding me why I don't want to go back to school...and all these people are adults. Nobody's reading the assignments right, and nobody understood my fairly straightforward story, which makes me feel like my writing sucks.

I finished the orientation at the UU church this week and I was like, the example student because I actually grew up with UUism, instead of being a refuge from the Catholic church like most everyone else. LOL
I misssed a class last week because Josh had a meltdown, but they want to consider me completed anyway because I already have experience with the UU church.

[Bridget]

I am silently fuming right now. We are watching Bambi. His mom was just killed by the hunter. Savana was asking if the mom was going to come back. It was the most perfect moment for us to have a chat about death and dbf said, "She's in heaven now."
The conversation I had with him mere days ago apparently has dissolved from his memory. I can't even believe his level of ignorance. Thankfully the kids barely pay attention when he talks to them.

[daylilies]

Did you smack him? Jeez.

[missychrissy]

This online writing class I'm taking is reminding me why I don't want to go back to school...and all these people are adults. Nobody's reading the assignments right, and nobody understood my fairly straightforward story, which makes me feel like my writing sucks.

I finished the orientation at the UU church this week and I was like, the example student because I actually grew up with UUism, instead of being a refuge from the Catholic church like most everyone else. LOL
I misssed a class last week because Josh had a meltdown, but they want to consider me completed anyway because I already have experience with the UU church.

I'm sure your writing is just fine. The problem is people insert their own experiences into things, and often come to their own conclusions about intent without considering an alternative point of view. If the people in that class are all young, I'd suspect that's the case more than your writing ability, but it holds true even with "mature" adults. Even when typing on a message board, too often I find my own point is missed by a mile because someone else is reading it with their own pre-conceived ideas and experiences...so they just cannot 'get' what I'm trying to say. Look how Mark Twain has been picked apart and debated. :D Almost everyone agrees he was a brilliant writer...but there's a lot of argument about his choice of words and their intended meaning.

As for the UU Church-I didn't realize you had to attend classes to become a member.

Bridget, I simply think you're too good for your dbf. I know that sounds mean and thoughtless, but I cannot help but think you deserve someone more supportive and involved. I think my husband is a little lost on what to believe and whether or not there's a heaven, but at least in those circumstances he'll admit to the kids that he just doesn't know and he's open to discussion about the 'what if's' in life and after. I think if he told Conner Bambi's mom was in heaven, I'd have a stroke :D

[daylilies]

Blah, I just wrote a big long thing and my laptop went back a page without my meaning it to and I lost it.

[3andMe]

Hi guys,

Sorry I've been so bad about posting lately. Dh and I have started playing Civilization after the twins go to sleep, and that's been taking away some of my own computer time (although it looks like he'll win pretty soon). And then, coincidentally with you talking about violent movies, we also got a Netflix subscription and we're watching Dexter (about a serial killer), which we both find super-interesting and good.

It occurred to me today that both my current dh and my ex-dh I can very easily imagine being killers. Not that I think they are dangerous by any means, but I can see them both having the means and the will, either through unacknowledged frustrations or through misanthropy. It's not something that's hard for me to picture. I wonder how many others can imagine that in their partners?

Plus I'm just getting exhausted and blah. I was putting clean sheets on the bed today and had to pee 3 *&!@# times before I finished. I was at the zoo last weekend and some people pointed at me as I was hiking down the long hill from my car to the entrance with a twin holding each hand, and whispered "That poor lady!"

In happier news, we went to the beach today and the twins had a blast and it was a really nice family excursion. Oh! And dh got me a brand-new camera for Mother's Day, and I don't think I'm going to be able to read the instruction manual until I'm in the hospital, but I'm already loving the little bit of experience I've had with it. My old camera was a pos point-and-shoot, and this is a digital SLR. I'm going to be embarrassed if I have this incredible new camera and my pictures don't improve, but give me a little time to learn how to use it.

[addysonreese]

I have so much to catch up on! Here we go:


Bobbie met with Professor Whitman yesterday and it was a success!! The poor girl was almost shaking with fear leading up to the meeting...this was a first for her. I kept trying to reassure her, but she was terrified. I was really concerned about leaving her on her own to talk to him, but I knew that was the best approach so I just hovered outside the building :D She knew she could call/text me if she needed me.

Anyway, he answered all her questions and was very encouraging. She really feels excited about college and looked like a 5-year-old opening Christmas presents when she came out.

My baby girl is grown up. I couldn't be more proud of her.

:hooray: I'm so happy for her! She must be so relieved and excited to have something to look forward to!


Yay Bobbie! That almost made me cry. I think I'm hormonal. :P

God, I remember how terrifying "meetings" were when I was young/young adult. Don't you wish you could just send them confidence? Now, it doesn't matter who I meet with, I'm like "whatever" and I have a great time with it. I wish I could send some of that whateverness back to my young self. :P

Oh, goodness yes. Clinton and I were just discussing this the other day - if we could go back to our younger selves, what would we tell them? Honestly, I'd tell my younger self to work harder in school and not complain, because when you have to work 40 hours a week instead of being in school for 30, with just homework and weekends off to play, that's nothing compared to being an adult!


Speaking of wieners...
DH was scratching himself and I jokingly said "Do you have to pee?" (that's what we say to Josh when he grabs himself) DH said "No I itch!" and he whipped out his junk and started inspecting it. "Well it's not red..." I'm like put that thing away! LOL

:lol: That's hilarious!


I confess I splurged on myself yesterday and bought a hoodie that was more than I would normally ever pay, but rationalized that since I didn't buy any new maternity clothes, that it was okay. I'll wear this after I'm pregnant too, as it's hella tight.

I'm glad you bought something you really liked! You deserve it, mama. :)


I confess that dbf is watching a horribly violent movie right now. It's gunshot after gunshot after gunshot with a few beatings with a baseball bat sprinkled here and there. I HATE it. I cannot stomach these sorts of movies. They have no redeeming story line as far as I'm concerned and it honestly gives me a stomach ache. Sucks that this is our movie night together and I'm on the computer so I don't have to have the images of this show in my head.
We are so opposite. I'd rather be watching a documentary. Even if it had violence at least it might be educational violence. :laugh:

I'm on the fence about those types of movies. It really depends on what is being portrayed and how. For instance, I saw District 9 in theaters, and had to leave not long into the movie for a certain scene that disturbed me. However, I saw Zombieland and LOVED IT! I also had no trouble with Book Of Eli, even though it had a bit of violence in it. But I wouldn't go see Legion, which all of my other friends went to see the night I saw BoE.


I confess that I am seriously considering deleting my FB account. I'm furious. I save my privacy settings one way, then I go back in to find that they've been changed. This has happened more than once and it makes me sick.

The only thing that's stopping me is that I rely on it for a few things - events, etc.

Grrr. Facebook is so evil.

I'm not too impressed with how they are doing things now. I really only keep it for the games - which is sad, but I love them! I just don't like this privacy issue it seems they're having. I'm sorry you're having a lot of issues with it as well.


I am silently fuming right now. We are watching Bambi. His mom was just killed by the hunter. Savana was asking if the mom was going to come back. It was the most perfect moment for us to have a chat about death and dbf said, "She's in heaven now."
The conversation I had with him mere days ago apparently has dissolved from his memory. I can't even believe his level of ignorance. Thankfully the kids barely pay attention when he talks to them.

:pokey: Why? Why in the world did he have to stick his 2 cents in at that moment? I'm glad they don't pay much attention to him. It gives you a chance to maybe bring it up at a different time, maybe using the movie as a reference.


Hi guys,

Sorry I've been so bad about posting lately. Dh and I have started playing Civilization after the twins go to sleep, and that's been taking away some of my own computer time (although it looks like he'll win pretty soon). And then, coincidentally with you talking about violent movies, we also got a Netflix subscription and we're watching Dexter (about a serial killer), which we both find super-interesting and good.

It occurred to me today that both my current dh and my ex-dh I can very easily imagine being killers. Not that I think they are dangerous by any means, but I can see them both having the means and the will, either through unacknowledged frustrations or through misanthropy. It's not something that's hard for me to picture. I wonder how many others can imagine that in their partners?

Plus I'm just getting exhausted and blah. I was putting clean sheets on the bed today and had to pee 3 *&!@# times before I finished. I was at the zoo last weekend and some people pointed at me as I was hiking down the long hill from my car to the entrance with a twin holding each hand, and whispered "That poor lady!"

In happier news, we went to the beach today and the twins had a blast and it was a really nice family excursion. Oh! And dh got me a brand-new camera for Mother's Day, and I don't think I'm going to be able to read the instruction manual until I'm in the hospital, but I'm already loving the little bit of experience I've had with it. My old camera was a pos point-and-shoot, and this is a digital SLR. I'm going to be embarrassed if I have this incredible new camera and my pictures don't improve, but give me a little time to learn how to use it.

Welcome back Lydia!

What is Civilization? Is it a role-playing game or something like that? As far as the killer thing.. I can sort of see that in Clinton, but again, not because he's dangerous by any means. He also just looks the part - from what my friends have said from pictures, anyway. He never smiles in them. He always looks angry, but in reality, he loves to laugh and joke around and be silly.

I'm glad ya'll had a nice time at the beach today! And yay for new cameras! Digital SLRs are a bit of a change of pace from point and shoot, but it definitely shouldn't take you long to get the basics down. They're pretty simple; it's mainly the buttons on the camera and the different menu options that trip people up - I speak from experience working in a photo lab for a couple of years :)


I have been away from the computer mostly this weekend as well, which is why it took me about 30 minutes to read pages I missed, quote everything, respond, and now update ya'll on my weekend (if you care :P)

It's definitely been a mix of awesome and crappy. I had an argument with my mother that I posted about in ranting/venting if you're interesting in reading it, and there's all this stuff going on with people I know that I'm just so sick of. These people are all older than me, around the 26-29 range in age, and yet they act as if they are fourteen. What is the point of talking bad about people and posting it on Facebook (so that apparent person you hate can see it), talk about it with your friends and bash that person with comments? I really don't get it. Hate whoever you want, but putting it on Facebook so you can laugh about how awesome YOU are and that person isn't is so childish. :truce:

Clinton and I had an awesome weekend, though. We spent it mostly at home, but it was full of a ton of laughs and joking and just having a great time. I love when he's home. I get so miserable when he goes back to work though. Tomorrow won't be so bad however; I have my advising appointments so I can register for classes! Yay! Then I will find out exactly what my tuition will be so I can find out if I owe anything or if my aid will cover it. I think if we will owe something, it won't be much, and won't have to be paid off till August, so that gives us time.

All in all, the weekend was great, but something that happened tonight ticked me off. This girl Rachael (one who I don't talk to much anymore because she treats me like crap) had made a post about having a brilliant idea. I decided to be nice, so I asked her if she was taking over the world, and she said, "You know it!" so I replied with, "Well, when you decide who to/or not to destroy with your plans just remember I make some awesome chocolate chip pancakes!" All just fun in games, and her "best friend" responds with "I rule the pancake world. Just sayin'."

This girl is always trying to be better than me - better job, better friends, better life, but it's like, you really had to one up me about PANCAKES? :eyebrow: When can people act their ages?

Sorry I made this so long! lol

[daylilies]

Dexter is just awesome, Lydia. The third season is the best so far. How far in are you? I am on pins and needles for the new season. Gah! Now I want to watch it.

[Bridget]

I actually like Dexter too. I know I'm contradicting myself but there is something about Dexter that is tolerable.

[The10Eels]

Ive never seen Dexter...

Lauren - that pancake one up is just ridiculous... There was a girl that I stopped talking to, but after I had Audri she was all about one-upping me on labor/birth story and baby birth weight... I was like...:eyebrow: Seriously? Its not like that sort of thing is within your control....

[daylilies]

I think because Dexter has so much more going on besides the violence--the characters' stories and the psychological twists, and Dexter's inner conflicts, etc.

[sunrider]

I confess I turn TV to another channel just when a SAW type preview comes on the TV. Never. Dexter intrigued me with the plot, but it looks gory so I'm not sure I could cope.

I confess I think I'm going to go check my Fb settings and will also be pissed off if I find them changed mysteriously.

I confess Lydia is crazy. Her pictures are already fantastic and make me jealous. What DSLR did he get you?

[sunrider]

Oh . . . and my SIL shared this w/me on Fb. So nice to have a secular type message from her!


if bread always lands butter side first and cats always land feet first, what happens when you strap a piece of buttered bread to a cats back?

[stash]

Bridget, that sounds like he was being deliberate. WTF was he thinking? Did you talk to them afterward about it? And him? Perhaps I'm confrontational, but I've have laid DH out for doing that, particularly if we'd been having discussions about how to handle death with Oscar, and my mom was in the process of dying. :( I am so sorry he is such an insensitive, well, Fer. :(

[midgeend]

I actually like Dexter too. I know I'm contradicting myself but there is something about Dexter that is tolerable.


It's the vigilante nature of his character, for me, that makes it something I can watch. He's technically just as bad...but since he's only killing bad guys, I can root for him. So messed up

[midgeend]

I am silently fuming right now. We are watching Bambi. His mom was just killed by the hunter. Savana was asking if the mom was going to come back. It was the most perfect moment for us to have a chat about death and dbf said, "She's in heaven now."
The conversation I had with him mere days ago apparently has dissolved from his memory. I can't even believe his level of ignorance. Thankfully the kids barely pay attention when he talks to them.


Good grief. I wish he would at least remember the important things for you Bridget. Maybe he should just not talk at all.

[stash]

Is there gore, though, in Dexter? I can handle a totally twisted plot, I just cannot handle SEEING the violence.

[Bridget]

Bridget, that sounds like he was being deliberate. WTF was he thinking? Did you talk to them afterward about it? And him? Perhaps I'm confrontational, but I've have laid DH out for doing that, particularly if we'd been having discussions about how to handle death with Oscar, and my mom was in the process of dying. :( I am so sorry he is such an insensitive, well, Fer. :(
I talked to him after. I wanted to punch him in the face but if I even raise my voice to him or show any anger he starts doing this thing where he acts like I'm psychotic and puts his hands up like, "Okay crazy lady. Whatever you say."
I basically just calmly and kindly asked him to let me handle it, since he doesn't seem to feel one way or another about it. He said ok. But he said ok last time to so I don't have a lot of faith in that answer.

[Cosmosmom]

This online writing class I'm taking is reminding me why I don't want to go back to school...and all these people are adults. Nobody's reading the assignments right, and nobody understood my fairly straightforward story, which makes me feel like my writing sucks.

I finished the orientation at the UU church this week and I was like, the example student because I actually grew up with UUism, instead of being a refuge from the Catholic church like most everyone else. LOL
I misssed a class last week because Josh had a meltdown, but they want to consider me completed anyway because I already have experience with the UU church.

I would agree with them! I went through the classes in Milwaukee and than did 2 of the 3 when we moved up here. I haven't joined yet but would like to in the future. I just need to actually attend once in a while and we have had a bit too much going on recently. Plus I think that the new house will be closer than where we live now so that should make it easier.

[Cosmosmom]

I am silently fuming right now. We are watching Bambi. His mom was just killed by the hunter. Savana was asking if the mom was going to come back. It was the most perfect moment for us to have a chat about death and dbf said, "She's in heaven now."
The conversation I had with him mere days ago apparently has dissolved from his memory. I can't even believe his level of ignorance. Thankfully the kids barely pay attention when he talks to them.

Would it be possible to tell them what you want and tell them that some people believe in heaven? It is sounding like he might believe that even if he's not religious.

[Cosmosmom]

And then, coincidentally with you talking about violent movies, we also got a Netflix subscription and we're watching Dexter (about a serial killer), which we both find super-interesting and good.

It occurred to me today that both my current dh and my ex-dh I can very easily imagine being killers. Not that I think they are dangerous by any means, but I can see them both having the means and the will, either through unacknowledged frustrations or through misanthropy. It's not something that's hard for me to picture. I wonder how many others can imagine that in their partners?

.

DH and I just rented the first season of Dexter this weekend. In less than 24 hours we watched 11 episodes and only have one left for tonight. I don't normally like super violent things either but I LOVE this series. So smart and interesting and the characters are complex.

I can't see DH being a killer at all. He often faints at blood and needles (I'm surprised he can handle Dexter....he can't watch True Blood). It's a lot of whining on my part to get him to kill spiders in the house. We live in an area with a lot of hunters and they asked him at work if he hunts...his reply was yeah, I hunt down the perfect package of hamburger at the grocery store.
He's got a temper but is the type that would say break the computer or throw a remote....not hurt something living.

[Cosmosmom]

It's the vigilante nature of his character, for me, that makes it something I can watch. He's technically just as bad...but since he's only killing bad guys, I can root for him. So messed up

We're only in season one but I totally agree with that. He is just different. And I feel badly for him because he wants to fit in and seems like something super awful happened as a toddler.

DH says he is like Data on Star Trek...always trying to say he doesn't have emotions and doesn't feel anything. But in reality he does. Maybe not totally like normal people. But he does seem to care about the innocent and his sister and Rita and the kids.

[daylilies]

It is gory...a lot of bloody scenes, and the lead up to Dexter's killings are always pretty harrowing...and some of the story lines are pretty disturbing.

[addysonreese]

Ive never seen Dexter...

Lauren - that pancake one up is just ridiculous... There was a girl that I stopped talking to, but after I had Audri she was all about one-upping me on labor/birth story and baby birth weight... I was like...:eyebrow: Seriously? Its not like that sort of thing is within your control....

I haven't seen Dexter either.. hasn't been one of those shows to catch my eye.

That is really odd, and stupid. Why would you try upping someone on something so amazing? The wonderful thing about birth stories (to me) is that every single one is so different, even though some of aspects are the same; ie. contractions, certain emotions, the end result, etc.

Last night before I went to bed, a girl I know had posted a statement in Russian. I could read and understand enough of the language to know what she said, so I went on Google translate to form a response, since my broken Russian wouldn't make any sense.

This SAME girl then posted something in Greek about hypocrisy and how people hate others and then love them the next. The girl that wrote the Russian statement is not liked by others (the main drama circling around here) so I know the Greek was posted about me. I just can't believe the amount of time someone will take to be that obnoxious. This girl is Rachael's "best friend" so I'm really not shocked that she decided to be rude to me. I just don't get it, honestly. Don't people have better things to do with their time?

[Jenny]

LOVE Dexter. Stacy, there is gore. Most of the time you see him killing his serial killer victims. Lots of blood. Some screaming.

[Cosmosmom]

Uggg I just don't get that kind of FB drama. I don't have a huge list of friends so probably why I don't see too much of that.

[addysonreese]

Uggg I just don't get that kind of FB drama. I don't have a huge list of friends so probably why I don't see too much of that.

hehe Neither do I - I have 32 friends!. But Clinton's warned me about this crap before. I just never thought at their ages, they could be this bad. This is mainly the reason why I don't speak with them much; I just can't handle the bull and really don't want to be involved with it anymore.

[Ky'sMom]

Would it be possible to tell them what you want and tell them that some people believe in heaven? It is sounding like he might believe that even if he's not religious.

I am thinking this as well. My DH though he doesn't go to church fashions himself as some kind of Christian. Ky knows that other people believe that when someone dies that they go to heaven, particularly his dad and grandmothers and pretty much everyone else in the family. I have talked to him about death, since my FIL died a while ago from cancer. I can't remember exactly everything we talked about but FIL was ill for about 5 years before he died and I did let Ky know that he was ill when he asked about it. He also asked if FIL was going to die because it got the point where he was so thin and evidently something going on that you could see, he got down to about 100lbs. He had always been thin but it was really really evident. So we talked about how people get ill and that they die and I talked about it in a way that was not scary for him, at least I don't think it was and he didn't act scared. Luckily we had years to talk about it though. FIL died the day after Elle was born. But I did make it a point to make sure I told Ky about heaven because other people speak of heaven so often. I told him my own views on death and how I felt it was just returning to nature basically and that specifically FIL's suffering and illness would be over and he could finally be at peace and not in pain anymore.

Erin

[MammaMia]

Would it be possible to tell them what you want and tell them that some people believe in heaven? It is sounding like he might believe that even if he's not religious.

I think it's not so much about Bridget's Dbf having different beliefs, but rather that he's too careless to be mindful about what he says on the matter. Bridget already asked him what his beliefs were and how he wanted to handle it, and he didn't give her anything to work with.

ETA: I totally don't mean to be putting words in your mouth btw Bridget, this is just my take on it.

On another matter, isn't Chrissy having her surgery today? I hope all goes well. :)

[addysonreese]

On another matter, isn't Chrissy having her surgery today? I hope all goes well. :)

I think you might be right.

Hope all goes well Chrissy!! :)

[Bridget]

Yes, it's not at all that I don't want my kids to understand different beliefs. Not at all.
I can't wait to hear from Chrissy!

[stash]

Yeah, don't think I'll be watching Dexter. :P

I have this feeling about saying "some people believe..." with children, but it's really my own bent. I think that by opening the doors of imagination at this age to what "some people believe" we're planting pretheological seeds that might be sown later to turn into ill-conceived views of what might be, or what is. I mean, some people believe that space aliens begot Jesus Christ. The believe that space ships will come back to get them some day. It's clearly a crock of rot, just like heaven is. It must be MUCH harder when your partner doesn't share your beliefs, because my DH shares mine, but we do NOT say "some people believe" at this age. We tell him the flat out truth about what we know, and we clearly delineate the things that people simply DO NOT know. There is truth, and there is the unknown. Truth is truth and the unknown is not knowable by anyone. Mommy, daddy, or the guy down the street that believes that the flying spaghetti monster will some day relocate him to a better world.

When he gets older, we will explain religion, in its entirety, including the origins of religion, the reasons it exists, what problems it has caused historically, and help him understand what different religions believe. AFTER he has a foundation in truth and logical thought.

I mean hey, this kid (Oscar) has such an incredible imagination that he tells me all about the machines he can make. His TV star machine (that puts people on TV). His toy factory machine, his candy machine, his penis-skin-replacement machine, his machine that makes people not dead. And for some of them, he truly believes he can MAKE them if he has the right parts.

If I told him some people believe that when we die we float off with fairies and cake whenever we want to eat it? Dude, he'd buy it hook line and sinker. :P

[Cosmosmom]

I think it's not so much about Bridget's Dbf having different beliefs, but rather that he's too careless to be mindful about what he says on the matter. Bridget already asked him what his beliefs were and how he wanted to handle it, and he didn't give her anything to work with.

ETA: I totally don't mean to be putting words in your mouth btw Bridget, this is just my take on it.

)

I might have missed that part...I was not online a lot the past few days since my sister was visiting.

It is a subject though that I think a LOT of people aren't totally sure what they believe. At least I know that I fall into that group. I wouldn't know where to begin with a child because I don't know what I believe and I don't think that we can know.

[daylilies]

I'm actually all for telling Josh what people believe and letting him choose. If he chooses what makes sense to him and what makes him happy, I don't see a problem with that.
UU religious education involves going to churches of different faiths and observing their services, and learning about them in class. They're not told "these people are wrong because they believe in heaven". I trust Josh to make an informed decision on what he believes. No matter what it is, nobody can say he's right or wrong. We just don't know.

[Bridget]

I think it's not so much about Bridget's Dbf having different beliefs, but rather that he's too careless to be mindful about what he says on the matter. Bridget already asked him what his beliefs were and how he wanted to handle it, and he didn't give her anything to work with.

ETA: I totally don't mean to be putting words in your mouth btw Bridget, this is just my take on it.

On another matter, isn't Chrissy having her surgery today? I hope all goes well. :)
No, you got it. Thank you! :winks:

I might have missed that part...I was not online a lot the past few days since my sister was visiting.

It is a subject though that I think a LOT of people aren't totally sure what they believe. At least I know that I fall into that group. I wouldn't know where to begin with a child because I don't know what I believe and I don't think that we can know.
So that's what you say. You say you don't know. And you try to figure it out together. The think with dbf is he's doesn't care. He says the first thing that pops into his head, the easiest thing. And no matter what he believes, he disrespected me by saying exactly what I asked him not to say without discussing it with me first.

[Bridget]

I'm actually all for telling Josh what people believe and letting him choose. If he chooses what makes sense to him and what makes him happy, I don't see a problem with that.
UU religious education involves going to churches of different faiths and observing their services, and learning about them in class. They're not told "these people are wrong because they believe in heaven". I trust Josh to make an informed decision on what he believes. No matter what it is, nobody can say he's right or wrong. We just don't know.
But do you think you'll tell him a bunch of different answers when he asks you questions? Like, some people believe this and some people believe this and...etc? Or will you just, for example, say Bambi's mom is not coming back because she died and when someone dies they don't come back. And then approach the subject of heaven when he hears about it and asks about it?

[daylilies]

I guess it depends when and how he asked. At this age I would not explain a bunch of things. I probably would say "no, she's not coming back"

[daylilies]

My cousin is engaged!! I am so happy for her. She just posted on fb yesterday that it was their 9 year anniversary (basically they've known each other since she was like 14 I guess) and she was like "where is my ring? ha ha" and he asked her that night. (I had a feeling...)
He is really sweet.

[sunrider]

Is there gore, though, in Dexter? I can handle a totally twisted plot, I just cannot handle SEEING the violence.

I agree - if it's just descriptions of the violent acts, I could deal just fine.


It is gory...a lot of bloody scenes, and the lead up to Dexter's killings are always pretty harrowing...and some of the story lines are pretty disturbing.

:( well poo. Never mind then. I had suspected as much.

[3andMe]

Yes, for those of you who can't stand gore, stay away from Dexter. They film him making cuts on his victims, and tastefully cut away when he picks up the power tools, but you still see a lot of blood. It is really good, though. He's such a kind and decent boyfriend. He really does try, and although all of us know better when she says he's perfect, he actually IS, for her.

Bridget, your dbf is just... grr. That would make me bonkers, too.

37 week appointment today. My BP is up 30 points (but it started off low), so I got labs drawn to check for the beginnings of pre-E. Dh is going to be out of town for 3 days this upcoming week, so I have asked my mom to be available by phone and within an hour's distance 24 hours/day while he's gone. Dh actually asked to be taken off this trip and they said fine, but then someone else canceled and he had to cover. For the second time ever, I have all of his hotel reservation information. Just in case. I hope I don't need it.

Claire had a nightmare the other night--she woke up screaming my name and when I went to her, she said she was dreaming that I had fallen in a lake and was gone. I hugged her back to sleep and then an hour later she had another nightmare, so I brought her into our bed and she slept on top of my forehead the rest of the night. And by "rest" of the night, I just mean until morning, since there was no resting on my part. I think it's going to be very hard on them when I'm in the hospital, since I've never been gone past 5 PM.

[missychrissy]

Yes, I had my surgery today ladies and I'm trying to catch up, but I admit the pain killers are making it difficult for me to even hold my eyes open. :D Everything went very well and it's considerably less painful than I anticipated, however I am still under the influence so who knows if I'll feel the same tomorrow.

I do discuss what I know of other people's beliefs with my girls. We research on Google for things I don't know and have a lot of banter about religions and beliefs.. I haven't yet needed to have that sort of discussion with Conner really...I don't know what I'd say/do if I were in your place Bridget. My heart breaks for all of you whenever I think about it. I wish life were perfect and we could keep children in the dark about death for a really long time. :(

Conner does know 'dead is dead' and that it's forever. I think I told you about my mistake in saying his batteries in a toy were dead, and his total melt down about it :D By the time I was done explaining rechargeable batteries, I was afraid I made death even more confusing. :(

[Cosmosmom]

Chrissy, glad to see you posting and that all went well! :)

I cannot believe you can even be online...last surgery I had and was on the drugs afterwards, I couldn't even read kids books my eyes wouldn't focus!

[missychrissy]

My eyes keep closing on me. I won't be on long :D

[The10Eels]

Congrats Chrissy!!! lol

[Cosmosmom]

Yes, for those of you who can't stand gore, stay away from Dexter. They film him making cuts on his victims, and tastefully cut away when he picks up the power tools, but you still see a lot of blood. It is really good, though. He's such a kind and decent boyfriend. He really does try, and although all of us know better when she says he's perfect, he actually IS, for her.

.

I think that grey's anatomy is much more gore. Or even discovery health! At least with this I know if I'm looking at a pool of blood, I just think that it looks like paint or something.

I'm SOOO glad they cut out when power tools are picked up! And I will never look at plastic wrap again the same way. LOL

Dexter is just so likeable.......

[addysonreese]

I'm so glad everything went well, Chrissy!!!

I just got back from my "wonderful" meeting with my pre-med advisor. Apparently, this state residency issue is going to follow me for years if I can't get it figured out.

There are 8 medical schools here in Texas, and they follow the same rule that all state schools do - 90% of their admissions go to residents, and 10% are left to be fought by out of state residents.. if the state decides to let in out of state residents. My advisor isn't worried about anything but me getting accepted until I become an in-state resident.

To top it off, I had to walk the four miles from UTA to my apartment in the Texas heat because I had no one to take me home and Clinton had to work. Today sucks.

[stash]

I'm actually all for telling Josh what people believe and letting him choose. If he chooses what makes sense to him and what makes him happy, I don't see a problem with that.

Right, and I'm not against telling Oscar what other people believe. But I think there's a rational, appropriate age to tell him those things. To do so too early is potentially planting inappropriate seeds and inadvertently swaying his beliefs one way or another. At the age of three, or four, a child is impressionable beyond belief. You want to give him loads of abstract what-ifs when he can barely figure out why it rains outside, even with careful explanation?

Give you an aside example. Oscar asks me recently (again) how the baby got in my belly. I tell him (again) that daddy has sperm and mommy has eggs in her belly. That daddy's sperm gets into mommy's belly and when they meet up, a baby "seed" forms, like his sunflower seeds. The seed grows, and if it's a "good seed" it becomes a baby, which it has. Sometimes the seeds don't grow and they just decompose. If it does grow, it keeps growing until the baby is big enough to live on its own. I avoid talking about penises and vaginas, or using the word "death" with the seed, because that's a level of information I don't think he's asking for, and I don't think he needs to really think about yet. I ask him "is that what you were asking sweety, or do you need more information?" And he says "no mom, I get it, thanks." Age appropriate material.

In a similar sense, providing children with the basics of life and death are age appropriate material for 3-4, IMO. Providing them with a world view of spiritual beliefs is not. Yet. It's far more complicated than they are able to reason through yet, and it's not necessary for their current state of education. Why muddy and confuse the already confusing?

When they get older - I can't wait to explain all the different religions, spiritual beliefs, and let Oscar choose (or choose not to seek, which in my personal opinion is the healthiest route). I'll support him no matter which way he goes, though I may not agree with him.

[stash]

I also leave out bits about the possibility of babies dying during pregnancy (like his brother) or dying shortly after birth. That's information I COULD provide, but it's not age appropriate. See where I'm going? :winks:

[Gwenn]

I've had a really rough time the last couple of days and everything is pissing me off - my MIL, admin people at work, etc. My students have been challenging too, and I'm not sure if they were just challenging to begin with, or if my temper is too short. Kevin is leaving Friday and we're both pretty stressed. However, we've been really trying to make the most of our time together and in that sense it's been really good.

[missychrissy]

I'm so glad everything went well, Chrissy!!!

I just got back from my "wonderful" meeting with my pre-med advisor. Apparently, this state residency issue is going to follow me for years if I can't get it figured out.

There are 8 medical schools here in Texas, and they follow the same rule that all state schools do - 90% of their admissions go to residents, and 10% are left to be fought by out of state residents.. if the state decides to let in out of state residents. My advisor isn't worried about anything but me getting accepted until I become an in-state resident.

To top it off, I had to walk the four miles from UTA to my apartment in the Texas heat because I had no one to take me home and Clinton had to work. Today sucks.

:( Oh no!! Did he/she have any suggestion on what you can do now to establish residency in TX? What about opening a prepaid credit card? Would that be sufficient.


Right, and I'm not against telling Oscar what other people believe. But I think there's a rational, appropriate age to tell him those things. To do so too early is potentially planting inappropriate seeds and inadvertently swaying his beliefs one way or another. At the age of three, or four, a child is impressionable beyond belief. You want to give him loads of abstract what-ifs when he can barely figure out why it rains outside, even with careful explanation?
This makes perfect sense to me. I wouldn't tell Conner what other people believe either, although Sydney did tell him something was in heaven recently. :D I let it slide-but mostly because it didn't go any further and he wasn't curious about it at all.

I know the time is coming, and I really need to formulate some sort of plan. I did tell Bobbie and Jessica about heaven, but when I did so I really believed.

[missychrissy]

I've had a really rough time the last couple of days and everything is pissing me off - my MIL, admin people at work, etc. My students have been challenging too, and I'm not sure if they were just challenging to begin with, or if my temper is too short. Kevin is leaving Friday and we're both pretty stressed. However, we've been really trying to make the most of our time together and in that sense it's been really good.
:hugs: I can't imagine how stressful this must be. I'm glad your time with him is good.

[Gwenn]

:hugs: I can't imagine how stressful this must be. I'm glad your time with him is good.

Thanks! I'm glad your surgery went well!

[daylilies]

I confess I was looking up stuff about Sesame Street on wikipedia and I read about Mr. Hooper's death and how the cast dealt with it (I was much too young to remember it actually happening). It sounded so emotional for everyone, I was practically in tears reading it! They did the whole scene dealing with his death in one take because the cast couldn't handle it.

[missychrissy]

:(

[addysonreese]

I've had a really rough time the last couple of days and everything is pissing me off - my MIL, admin people at work, etc. My students have been challenging too, and I'm not sure if they were just challenging to begin with, or if my temper is too short. Kevin is leaving Friday and we're both pretty stressed. However, we've been really trying to make the most of our time together and in that sense it's been really good.

:hugs: I'm sure this must be very tough on you. I am so sorry.



:( Oh no!! Did he/she have any suggestion on what you can do now to establish residency in TX? What about opening a prepaid credit card? Would that be sufficient.

Clinton found a list on the UTA website (that I couldn't find - he's a better sleuth than me!) regarding what they will consider for residency. They're all "12 month" things, like proof of a job for 12 months, etc. So I have to take a look and check it out. I have at least 3 years before I need to worry completely, but at least I'm aware of this now. If I can find something on the list I can do for 12 months, I'll be set for next years' tuition, so maybe this is a step in the right direction.

I think having a chance to lie down and relax and think about it has made me feel better. I wasn't losing all hope before, but I was definitely a bit angrier about it.


I confess I was looking up stuff about Sesame Street on wikipedia and I read about Mr. Hooper's death and how the cast dealt with it (I was much too young to remember it actually happening). It sounded so emotional for everyone, I was practically in tears reading it! They did the whole scene dealing with his death in one take because the cast couldn't handle it.

I remember that episode - at least hearing about it, anyway. So, so sad. I do think it was great that they tried to really explain it as best as they could to their young audience, instead of just getting another actor, or saying he moved away, or something that would make it easier. I'm sure it wasn't easy to film, but it touched on a topic that not many children's shows would have. I have always loved Sesame Street.

[Gwenn]

I was thinking, I have some of you on my facebook but not many of you. Anybody who'd like to friend me on fb, PM me! (Not that I post much on there).

[missychrissy]

Clinton found a list on the UTA website (that I couldn't find - he's a better sleuth than me!) regarding what they will consider for residency. They're all "12 month" things, like proof of a job for 12 months, etc. So I have to take a look and check it out. I have at least 3 years before I need to worry completely, but at least I'm aware of this now. If I can find something on the list I can do for 12 months, I'll be set for next years' tuition, so maybe this is a step in the right direction.

I think having a chance to lie down and relax and think about it has made me feel better. I wasn't losing all hope before, but I was definitely a bit angrier about it.

I can totally understand why.

[MammaMia]

I've had a really rough time the last couple of days and everything is pissing me off - my MIL, admin people at work, etc. My students have been challenging too, and I'm not sure if they were just challenging to begin with, or if my temper is too short. Kevin is leaving Friday and we're both pretty stressed. However, we've been really trying to make the most of our time together and in that sense it's been really good.

I hope the next few days are better! :hugs:


I'm so glad everything went well, Chrissy!!!

I just got back from my "wonderful" meeting with my pre-med advisor. Apparently, this state residency issue is going to follow me for years if I can't get it figured out.

There are 8 medical schools here in Texas, and they follow the same rule that all state schools do - 90% of their admissions go to residents, and 10% are left to be fought by out of state residents.. if the state decides to let in out of state residents. My advisor isn't worried about anything but me getting accepted until I become an in-state resident.

To top it off, I had to walk the four miles from UTA to my apartment in the Texas heat because I had no one to take me home and Clinton had to work. Today sucks.

Ugh, I'm sorry Lauren. I hope you can get it all sorted out. :hugs:


Right, and I'm not against telling Oscar what other people believe. But I think there's a rational, appropriate age to tell him those things. To do so too early is potentially planting inappropriate seeds and inadvertently swaying his beliefs one way or another. At the age of three, or four, a child is impressionable beyond belief. You want to give him loads of abstract what-ifs when he can barely figure out why it rains outside, even with careful explanation?

Give you an aside example. Oscar asks me recently (again) how the baby got in my belly. I tell him (again) that daddy has sperm and mommy has eggs in her belly. That daddy's sperm gets into mommy's belly and when they meet up, a baby "seed" forms, like his sunflower seeds. The seed grows, and if it's a "good seed" it becomes a baby, which it has. Sometimes the seeds don't grow and they just decompose. If it does grow, it keeps growing until the baby is big enough to live on its own. I avoid talking about penises and vaginas, or using the word "death" with the seed, because that's a level of information I don't think he's asking for, and I don't think he needs to really think about yet. I ask him "is that what you were asking sweety, or do you need more information?" And he says "no mom, I get it, thanks." Age appropriate material.

In a similar sense, providing children with the basics of life and death are age appropriate material for 3-4, IMO. Providing them with a world view of spiritual beliefs is not. Yet. It's far more complicated than they are able to reason through yet, and it's not necessary for their current state of education. Why muddy and confuse the already confusing?

When they get older - I can't wait to explain all the different religions, spiritual beliefs, and let Oscar choose (or choose not to seek, which in my personal opinion is the healthiest route). I'll support him no matter which way he goes, though I may not agree with him.

Great advice. Can I call you for advice when it's time to talk to Mia about this stuff? :winks:

Chrissy - I'm so glad that all went well! :)

[Cosmosmom]

anyone else read Dan Brown? I am reading The Lost Symbol right now, have about 100 pages left and there is a lot of talk about noetic science.

Noetic sciences use scientific methods to explore the "inner cosmos" of the mind (consciousness, soul, spirit) and how it relates to the "outer cosmos" of the physical world. In other words, they study how people come to know things or affect things through experiences or capacities (intuitions, synchronicities, psi, “after-death” communication, energy healing, etc.) that have no apparent rational explanation, and what this says about the nature of human consciousness.


While I know of course that Dan Brown writes fiction, he also tends to weave in a lot of real places and things and groups.

anyway it has me thinking a lot. I really have no clue if I believe in a soul or spirit.
I'm not really religious at all (I was more hard core atheist in college...I mellowed with age). but I kind of sort of do believe in an afterlife of some sort I think. Maybe more like a dream like state...where sometimes you are aware and sometimes you just aren't.
I think I must believe in afterlife since I do believe in ghosts having experienced it firsthand.

Course I'm not even sure that I can prove my own existence.......let alone anything else.

[Cosmosmom]

I was thinking, I have some of you on my facebook but not many of you. Anybody who'd like to friend me on fb, PM me! (Not that I post much on there).

I don't think I have anyone from here on my FB.....

[Cosmosmom]

Hey Kate, you will get a kick out of this. So my sister has vanity plates that say GAGA FAN and she was driving home from my house Sunday and was somewhere near Madison. She sees the people behind her doing something in the window and she realizes that they are taking a picture. As they drive past her, they do the whole monster claw thing and smile. Totally made her trip! (it's a five hour drive)

[missychrissy]

I love Lady Gaga!!

[daylilies]

LOL That's awesome.

[MammaMia]

anyone else read Dan Brown? I am reading The Lost Symbol right now, have about 100 pages left and there is a lot of talk about noetic science.

Noetic sciences use scientific methods to explore the "inner cosmos" of the mind (consciousness, soul, spirit) and how it relates to the "outer cosmos" of the physical world. In other words, they study how people come to know things or affect things through experiences or capacities (intuitions, synchronicities, psi, “after-death” communication, energy healing, etc.) that have no apparent rational explanation, and what this says about the nature of human consciousness.


While I know of course that Dan Brown writes fiction, he also tends to weave in a lot of real places and things and groups.

anyway it has me thinking a lot. I really have no clue if I believe in a soul or spirit.
I'm not really religious at all (I was more hard core atheist in college...I mellowed with age). but I kind of sort of do believe in an afterlife of some sort I think. Maybe more like a dream like state...where sometimes you are aware and sometimes you just aren't.
I think I must believe in afterlife since I do believe in ghosts having experienced it firsthand.

Course I'm not even sure that I can prove my own existence.......let alone anything else.

I don't believe in a soul as something separate from the body. I figure we wouldn't need a brain or body if souls could exist independently.


Hey Kate, you will get a kick out of this. So my sister has vanity plates that say GAGA FAN and she was driving home from my house Sunday and was somewhere near Madison. She sees the people behind her doing something in the window and she realizes that they are taking a picture. As they drive past her, they do the whole monster claw thing and smile. Totally made her trip! (it's a five hour drive)

Haha, that's awesome! :)

I confess, I saw a guy last night that I could swear I used to know, but I can't for the life of me figure out how. It's driving me crazy!

[missychrissy]

Ugh-I've been getting really bad about that. I used to have an excellent memory for faces/names...even voices/names because I worked switchboard at a mental health clinic that had nearly 700 active clients. I knew a good share of them via voice. Not any more :(

I don't know if it's on of those "you lose it if you don't use it" or if it's just 'old' age. :D

[MammaMia]

Oh, Mia said the funniest thing yesterday. She's sick, so we've been giving her suppositories to keep her fever down. Mia calls them "butt medicine".

Anyway, yesterday DH was taking a tylenol. Mia watched wide-eyed and exclaimed "Look Mamma! Daddy's eating butt medicine!"

:laugh:

[missychrissy]

omg! roflmao!!!

[Bridget]

Oh, Mia said the funniest thing yesterday. She's sick, so we've been giving her suppositories to keep her fever down. Mia calls them "butt medicine".

Anyway, yesterday DH was taking a tylenol. Mia watched wide-eyed and exclaimed "Look Mamma! Daddy's eating butt medicine!"

:laugh::laugh:

[sunrider]

I think I'm going to suggest the Lost Symbol to Jonathan as our next audiobook. We just finished book 12 of the Dresden Files (Jim Butcher) and are both depressed we have to wait till appx April 2011 for the next one. Grrrrr. Unless . . . . since he finished Codex Alera he might put out book 13 6 months early.


Oh, Mia said the funniest thing yesterday. She's sick, so we've been giving her suppositories to keep her fever down. Mia calls them "butt medicine".

Anyway, yesterday DH was taking a tylenol. Mia watched wide-eyed and exclaimed "Look Mamma! Daddy's eating butt medicine!"

OMG that's freakin awesome!!! I totally needed that :laugh:

[stash]

There's actually an institute for Noetic Science out there. Really bright people, really interesting stuff. http://www.noetic.org.

I "buy it" hook line and sinker. It's basically the concept that actions cause reactions, which is solidly and empirically proven in other sciences. So the idea is that your consciousness is (or results in) energy that impacts results, people, places, and things. That all things are interconnected. I don't buy it because someone came up with a good philosophy, I buy it because I've practiced some of the concepts in my own life. Anyway... :P

[daylilies]

I confess that at about 9:00 this morning, I told DH I was going upstairs to read. I took a nap instead. He totally didn't fall for it though, because I never say I'm going upstairs to read. LOL

Some days, I can handle Josh waking up at 5:30, and other days I know I won't make it through the day (or even to nap time) if I don't sneak in a nap.

[MammaMia]

There's actually an institute for Noetic Science out there. Really bright people, really interesting stuff. http://www.noetic.org.

I "buy it" hook line and sinker. It's basically the concept that actions cause reactions, which is solidly and empirically proven in other sciences. So the idea is that your consciousness is (or results in) energy that impacts results, people, places, and things. That all things are interconnected. I don't buy it because someone came up with a good philosophy, I buy it because I've practiced some of the concepts in my own life. Anyway... :P

I tried reading about it, but I find it extremely vague and wishy-washy.

[stash]

Not sure what you're reading. Try this: http://www.noetic.org/about/what_is.cfm

And this: http://www.noetic.org/publications/review/issue47/r47_Harman.html

[MammaMia]

Not sure what you're reading. Try this: http://www.noetic.org/about/what_is.cfm

And this: http://www.noetic.org/publications/review/issue47/r47_Harman.html

That's what I was reading. :shame: It's not my cup of tea, but that's ok. I'm happy if other people find something that works for them. :)

[stash]

Good enough. But just know that it's not like I consider it a "religion." They have an interesting perspective, and some of their studies and ideas are very cool. I like the idea of applying science to thought processes, and consciousness. It seems much more valuable than trying to "find god." :P

[Cosmosmom]

There's actually an institute for Noetic Science out there. Really bright people, really interesting stuff. http://www.noetic.org.

I "buy it" hook line and sinker. It's basically the concept that actions cause reactions, which is solidly and empirically proven in other sciences. So the idea is that your consciousness is (or results in) energy that impacts results, people, places, and things. That all things are interconnected. I don't buy it because someone came up with a good philosophy, I buy it because I've practiced some of the concepts in my own life. Anyway... :P

Yeah I was checking out the website and it is interesting! I hadn't even heard of it until I was reading that book.

[Cosmosmom]

Just found my best friend is pg....well I had a feeling yesterday but it was confirmed today. I'm happy for her. But I'm bummed for me. She tried for 3 months (and has a 6 yr old that was a surprise baby).....I've been trying for almost 3 years.

[The10Eels]

I confess I got to do braided pigtails in Audris hair for the VERY first time today! I almost died from the cuteness!!

[Ky'sMom]

But do you think you'll tell him a bunch of different answers when he asks you questions? Like, some people believe this and some people believe this and...etc? Or will you just, for example, say Bambi's mom is not coming back because she died and when someone dies they don't come back. And then approach the subject of heaven when he hears about it and asks about it?

In the case of Bambi, I would just say that she died and is not coming back. But since your BF mentioned heaven, not addressing what heaven is would be confusing IMO. My son, because I have an uber religious family has heard of heaven. When my FIL was ill, he asked if he was going to go to heaven and where was heaven. So I told him what I thought about death. I also explained heaven to him and what people (our family and my MIL in particular who mentioned it to him to make him ask about it) think it is. I read him some parts of the Bible about it. He asked why didn't I think people would go to heaven and I explained to him that I thought it wasn't real and was a fantasy just like some of the fantastical things he liked to hear about or read about that he knew were not real. Like Superman, as he knew that Superman was in books and movies and could fly in those books and movies and he loved Superman but knew that Superman wasn't real even as a 3 or 4 year old. So I didn't really think it was over his head. I agree that you shouldn't use "some people" because that is too broad, but in our circumstances some people are my family and my inlaws and my FIL himself who had mentioned it and it would be impossible for me to keep my son completely afway from his family and that is not something that I want to do. I think children understand a lot of things that we as adults sometimes don't give them credit for and that it doesn't hurt to explain heaven and even hell in certain contexts if they have been exposed to the word and ask about it.

Erin

[addysonreese]

Hey everyone. How are ya'll?

I'm okay. Sore. After walking four miles yesterday, lol, I have a couple of blood blisters on my foot and I'm aching, but other than that I'm good. Dealing with more petty comments on FB that I just don't have time for either.

[addysonreese]

Just found my best friend is pg....well I had a feeling yesterday but it was confirmed today. I'm happy for her. But I'm bummed for me. She tried for 3 months (and has a 6 yr old that was a surprise baby).....I've been trying for almost 3 years.

:hugs: I'm sorry.


I confess I got to do braided pigtails in Audris hair for the VERY first time today! I almost died from the cuteness!!

:wub: That's so great.


In the case of Bambi, I would just say that she died and is not coming back. But since your BF mentioned heaven, not addressing what heaven is would be confusing IMO. My son, because I have an uber religious family has heard of heaven. When my FIL was ill, he asked if he was going to go to heaven and where was heaven. So I told him what I thought about death. I also explained heaven to him and what people (our family and my MIL in particular who mentioned it to him to make him ask about it) think it is. I read him some parts of the Bible about it. He asked why didn't I think people would go to heaven and I explained to him that I thought it wasn't real and was a fantasy just like some of the fantastical things he liked to hear about or read about that he knew were not real. Like Superman, as he knew that Superman was in books and movies and could fly in those books and movies and he loved Superman but knew that Superman wasn't real even as a 3 or 4 year old. So I didn't really think it was over his head. I agree that you shouldn't use "some people" because that is too broad, but in our circumstances some people are my family and my inlaws and my FIL himself who had mentioned it and it would be impossible for me to keep my son completely afway from his family and that is not something that I want to do. I think children understand a lot of things that we as adults sometimes don't give them credit for and that it doesn't hurt to explain heaven and even hell in certain contexts if they have been exposed to the word and ask about it.

Erin

That is a really good way of looking at it and explaining it.

[girlwonder]

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:


Oh, Mia said the funniest thing yesterday. She's sick, so we've been giving her suppositories to keep her fever down. Mia calls them "butt medicine".

Anyway, yesterday DH was taking a tylenol. Mia watched wide-eyed and exclaimed "Look Mamma! Daddy's eating butt medicine!"

:laugh:

[addysonreese]

Oh, Mia said the funniest thing yesterday. She's sick, so we've been giving her suppositories to keep her fever down. Mia calls them "butt medicine".

Anyway, yesterday DH was taking a tylenol. Mia watched wide-eyed and exclaimed "Look Mamma! Daddy's eating butt medicine!"

:laugh:

:lol: :lol:

[stash]

I'm with Erin. If your kids are exposed to the topic or bring it up themselves - you answer them directly. But you also include your opinion, and a heavy dose of truth and fact.

[MammaMia]

Speaking of discussing religion with kids, I just got an email from Mia's daycare about a conference regarding how to teach daycare kids about various religions.

I'm sorry but I don't want some daycare teacher talking to my child about that stuff. That's my & DH's job. Grrrrr.

I don't get why it's even an issue at a public daycare center. :headbang:

[3andMe]

Speaking of discussing religion with kids, I just got an email from Mia's daycare about a conference regarding how to teach daycare kids about various religions.

I'm sorry but I don't want some daycare teacher talking to my child about that stuff. That's my & DH's job. Grrrrr.

I don't get why it's even an issue at a public daycare center. :headbang:

Especially since you're not in the US. :shocker:

[MammaMia]

Yeah, we don't have full separation of church & state here. It's especially weird seeing as it's one of the least religious countries in the world. The church is dying out, so they're clinging on for dear life, and part of that is their involvement with the education system.

[missychrissy]

I knew the hospital my plastic surgeon participates with was religious (I think Catholic supported, but I'm not 100% sure). Anyway, when I was checking in Monday morning a guy came over the loudspeaker and did a prayer for everyone. :shock: Talk about uncomfortable! I'd never actually been in there as a patient before...I'm just glad no one asked me my religious beliefs D

[addysonreese]

I knew the hospital my plastic surgeon participates with was religious (I think Catholic supported, but I'm not 100% sure). Anyway, when I was checking in Monday morning a guy came over the loudspeaker and did a prayer for everyone. :shock: Talk about uncomfortable! I'd never actually been in there as a patient before...I'm just glad no one asked me my religious beliefs D

That is awfully odd. I don't think I've ever been to a hospital (whether visiting or as a patient) that has done that. I'd be uncomfortable too!

[missychrissy]

It was ok...I did know they were religiously supported, but it's not my normal hospital so I just wasn't expecting that. I did wonder if my PS was praying for my boobies! :lol:

[addysonreese]

It was ok...I did know they were religiously supported, but it's not my normal hospital so I just wasn't expecting that. I did wonder if my PS was praying for my boobies! :lol:

:lol:

I just haven't been around hospitals that are religiously supported.. not that I know of anyway.

[MammaMia]

It was ok...I did know they were religiously supported, but it's not my normal hospital so I just wasn't expecting that. I did wonder if my PS was praying for my boobies! :lol:

Who is the patron saint of boobies? :laugh:

[Cosmosmom]

After the gastric bypass I had a chaplain person come in to chat and try to pray with me. I was just like um no thanks. She was like, are you sure, this is a time when you could use a lot of support. I was like, I'm sure, I'm not a believer and I have my husband and all are families for support. She finally left after a few minutes.

I had to be polite though because I used to work at that hospital.

[daylilies]

Patron saint of boobies! hahahahaha
We saw a bunny in our yard yesterday! It was so cute and Josh loved it.

[stash]

I was hit up by the religious cronies when I was delivering Jasper. I was not, in any way, polite.

[Janeen]

I keep thinking that religious people will come by while I'm in the hospital since it's an Exempla hospital.

There's a cross above the bed in the post partum room we toured.

I told Jimi I hope he can take it down.

[addysonreese]

I keep thinking that religious people will come by while I'm in the hospital since it's an Exempla hospital.

There's a cross above the bed in the post partum room we toured.

I told Jimi I hope he can take it down.

I hope he can, too.

See, for me, I'm all about religion.. for the people that want it. If I come into the hospital, religious sponsored or not, I would at least like to be ASKED before they start sending people in to pray or stuff like that.

I've always been a firm believer in keeping yourself from pushing your beliefs on others. I have a friend of mine who is Christian, and one day I asked her about the differences between Christianity and Catholicism (I was raised Catholic) - even though I know they're roughly from the same branch - and she explained what she thought, and that was that. I thanked her for not trying to preach me or bring me in to her faith. She answered my question, and that was that.

This whole religion thing did make me think of the most recent episode of Family Guy. I won't mention what happened unless people ask - I don't know how ya'll feel about that show. I, myself, LOVE it. :)

[daylilies]

We used to watch Family Guy a lot, but not so much anymore. When we're flipping around the channels sometimes we catch a repeat but we've seen most of them so many times. What happened on the new episode?

[addysonreese]

We used to watch Family Guy a lot, but not so much anymore. When we're flipping around the channels sometimes we catch a repeat but we've seen most of them so many times. What happened on the new episode?

The news station made a report that there was a black hole that was going to engulf Earth in 24 hours, so everyone was kinda freaking out. At one point, Stewie catches Brian PRAYING. He starts to make fun of him and Brian tries to play it off.

Close to the end of the episode we find out it was all an April Fool's joke, so Brian says, "Well, now that I've lived through this, I've gotta go to the soup kitchen and help feed the homeless. I sorta made a promise to someone." And Stewie off camera laughs and says, "It's God!"

:laugh: It just cracked me up because Brian is not a religious person at all, and when push came to shove he prayed to live. And of course, I love the rapport between him and Stewie.

[daylilies]

LOL
Cute...I love Stewie.

[addysonreese]

LOL
Cute...I love Stewie.

He's right under Brian as my favorite.

I just love Seth MacFarlane.. the fact that his voice is that deep (he doesn't do anything special to make the voice of Brian).. is just very hot to me. :laugh: And I love his voice when he sings.

[3andMe]

I confess that dh bought himself a toy--a set of lock picks and instructions. During a break from work today, he taught himself how to pick locks, and then promptly opened all of the doors on our house, deadbolts and all. I had no idea how cheap and easy it was to get access to someone's house.

[Gwenn]

I confess that dh bought himself a toy--a set of lock picks and instructions. During a break from work today, he taught himself how to pick locks, and then promptly opened all of the doors on our house, deadbolts and all. I had no idea how cheap and easy it was to get access to someone's house.

We locked ourselves out once and called a locksmith to let us in. It was terrifying how easy it was for the locksmith to open our door. Those aren't exactly the types of people I want to have unrestricted access to my home ... good thing I have dogs!

[addysonreese]

I confess that dh bought himself a toy--a set of lock picks and instructions. During a break from work today, he taught himself how to pick locks, and then promptly opened all of the doors on our house, deadbolts and all. I had no idea how cheap and easy it was to get access to someone's house.

That worries me as well. It's really crazy the things that people can learn now, like hacking into computers, getting into houses, etc.

[stash]

I keep thinking that religious people will come by while I'm in the hospital since it's an Exempla hospital.

There's a cross above the bed in the post partum room we toured.

I told Jimi I hope he can take it down.

Or you could turn it upside down, which would be more my penchant :P

[stash]

I confess that dh bought himself a toy--a set of lock picks and instructions. During a break from work today, he taught himself how to pick locks, and then promptly opened all of the doors on our house, deadbolts and all. I had no idea how cheap and easy it was to get access to someone's house.

Oh, dude, where'd he get that? I want one.

[MammaMia]

I confess that dh bought himself a toy--a set of lock picks and instructions. During a break from work today, he taught himself how to pick locks, and then promptly opened all of the doors on our house, deadbolts and all. I had no idea how cheap and easy it was to get access to someone's house.

That's scary!

How are you feeling by the way, Lydia? Congrats on reaching full-term! :)

[3andMe]

Oh, dude, where'd he get that? I want one.

I think he ordered it from Amazon, for about $30. He also got a set of clear "practice" locks and those were a bit more. After his ease at unlocking our house, he started talking about more security (therein lies the great expense), but I convinced him that if someone wanted to get in so badly, better locks wouldn't stop them from breaking a window.

[3andMe]

How are you feeling by the way, Lydia? Congrats on reaching full-term! :)

Ready to be done. The challenges of recovering from a C-Section and taking care of three children seem minuscule, at this point, compared to not being able to move without pain, go more than 15 minutes without peeing, pick things up that I drop, or wear anything other than a mu-mu. Except dh is leaving in the morning and is going to be on the East Coast for the rest of the week, so he told me I either need to go into labor tonight, or wait until next week.

Or I could maintain how much I love being pregnant and stay completely positive, but it's so not true this time.

[stash]

At full term, you are more than entitled to say pregnancy sucks. Besides, you've done this three times. The novelty freakin' wears off a bit. :winks:

[Bridget]

There's a thread in random that reminded me that my mom has always told the story that when I was a toddler I used to blame God when I broke something or did something wrong or tell her that he told me to do it. :laugh:

[addysonreese]

There's a thread in random that reminded me that my mom has always told the story that when I was a toddler I used to blame God when I broke something or did something wrong or tell her that he told me to do it. :laugh:

:laugh::laugh:

[missychrissy]

I confess that dh bought himself a toy--a set of lock picks and instructions. During a break from work today, he taught himself how to pick locks, and then promptly opened all of the doors on our house, deadbolts and all. I had no idea how cheap and easy it was to get access to someone's house.

:shock: Eek! How unsettling to think it's that easy!!


There's a thread in random that reminded me that my mom has always told the story that when I was a toddler I used to blame God when I broke something or did something wrong or tell her that he told me to do it. :laugh:

Kinda like "the devil made me do it" but God instead? :P

[Gwenn]

I hate to say this, but my sister is driving me crazy. She keeps calling me and without demonstrating any interest in my life whatsoever, she will spend literally hours discussing the ins and outs of her daughter's relationship with her first boyfriend. When I tell her it's not a good time or I can't talk, she doesn't listen and keeps talking. We used to have conversations like this but it was a two-way conversation. Now, she just talks and talks and I can't get a word in edge-wise, and the "conversation" if you can call it that is word-for-word the type of discussion you have with your girlfriends when you're 16. I just don't think it's healthy. With Kevin leaving Friday I feel like my time with him is limited and I'm just angry that she's trying to dominate it when I'm not even demonstrating the slightest interest in what she is saying and have explicitly told her I don't want to have conversations with her until after he leaves as we're trying to spend time together. She's talking right now and honestly, I'm barely listening and haven't even said so much as "mmm hmmm" in about 10 minutes. Seriously. How would you all handle this?

[missychrissy]

I would flat out say, "I gotta go. I'll talk to you later." and hang up. If I weren't in the mood to deal with her 'later' when she called, I wouldn't answer the phone.

[Gwenn]

I would flat out say, "I gotta go. I'll talk to you later." and hang up. If I weren't in the mood to deal with her 'later' when she called, I wouldn't answer the phone.

That's probably the only way to deal with it.

Tell me, your daughters are my niece's age ... do you spend that much time thinking about their social lives? It just doesn't seem healthy. He's a 15 year old boy, and she worries that he's sending her daughter mixed signals? And he might want to have sex with her daughter but her daughter told him no? What does she expect out of a 15 year old boy?

[missychrissy]

I assume all the adolescent boys that come around (or call) want sex. :D I'm not setting up a place for them to 'do it' or anything like that. The girls know I'd prefer it if they waited...but it's their life, their decision. I don't worry about it at all...unless they come to me with a specific question or fear.

[missychrissy]

Oh-and my girls are familiar with the concept that boys give love to get sex, and girls give sex to get love. I've talked to them about the very real possibility of being devastated if they have sex and then their partner leaves them. I'm sure it happens to all girls at least once, but I want them going into these relationships prepared as much as possible.

But no, I can't say I even knew the detail that your sister seems to know about her daughter's first love.

[Gwenn]

I assume all the adolescent boys that come around (or call) want sex. :D I'm not setting up a place for them to 'do it' or anything like that. The girls know I'd prefer it if they waited...but it's their life, their decision. I don't worry about it at all...unless they come to me with a specific question or fear.

Yeah, see, this sounds healthy to me. Analyzing exactly what everyone said and the looks that went along with it the way I did back in high school is just bizarre and controlling. I guess she and her daughter had a fight about this boy (and how he is too controlling) and now she wants me to tell her if she should put her foot down about it. Since when did she listen to our parents when she was growing up? I did point that out to her when she let me get a word in edgewise. Then I told her I had to go watch the news to see if they were closing my school ... and they are closing my school. :(

[Gwenn]

Oh-and my girls are familiar with the concept that boys give love to get sex, and girls give sex to get love. I've talked to them about the very real possibility of being devastated if they have sex and then their partner leaves them. I'm sure it happens to all girls at least once, but I want them going into these relationships prepared as much as possible.

But no, I can't say I even knew the detail that your sister seems to know about her daughter's first love.

I should really point this saying out to her. It's absolutely the truth, at least for a time in a girl's life.

[missychrissy]

Yeah, see, this sounds healthy to me. Analyzing exactly what everyone said and the looks that went along with it the way I did back in high school is just bizarre and controlling. I guess she and her daughter had a fight about this boy (and how he is too controlling) and now she wants me to tell her if she should put her foot down about it. Since when did she listen to our parents when she was growing up? I did point that out to her when she let me get a word in edgewise. Then I told her I had to go watch the news to see if they were closing my school ... and they are closing my school. :(
Oh no! How sad!! Is it due to budget cuts?

With my older girls I wouldn't dream of forbidding or putting my foot down in regards to a boyfriend or girlfriend. I think the only thing that would do would be to grow resentment, and perhaps make my daughter cling to the one who was worrying me even more-just for spite!! A teen can easily have the "I'll show you!" attitude and stay with someone they really weren't in love with, just to be oppositional.

It's hard-but there does come a point in life when you have to let go and have faith that at least some of the lessons you taught have sunk in somewhere. I have a very real goal to be a decent mother in law. I won't get involved unless I'm asked. I hope I hope I hope. Time will tell if I can pull that one off ;)

[missychrissy]

I should really point this saying out to her. It's absolutely the truth, at least for a time in a girl's life.
Yeah, it's definitely true in adolescence.

[Gwenn]

Oh no! How sad!! Is it due to budget cuts?

With my older girls I wouldn't dream of forbidding or putting my foot down in regards to a boyfriend or girlfriend. I think the only thing that would do would be to grow resentment, and perhaps make my daughter cling to the one who was worrying me even more-just for spite!! A teen can easily have the "I'll show you!" attitude and stay with someone they really weren't in love with, just to be oppositional.

It's hard-but there does come a point in life when you have to let go and have faith that at least some of the lessons you taught have sunk in somewhere. I have a very real goal to be a decent mother in law. I won't get involved unless I'm asked. I hope I hope I hope. Time will tell if I can pull that one off ;)

I'm sure you will be a great MIL. And I agree, telling them "no" just is an opening for resentment. It won't help the situation.

Yes, they're closing my school and 4 others due to budget cuts. We are looking at best case a 22 million dollar budget cut in the district. There is a special election to add a 1 cent sales tax for three years, and if that fails there will be a 44 million dollar deficit. The good news is they are merging our school with another school and my principal will be the principal over there, as the principal there is retiring. The bad news is I work for the district special ed department and not for the school, so I'm assigned based on caseload numbers. There should be enough students between both schools that I'll be able to move with my students, but even if I can't I won't be out of a job, I'll just move somewhere else. There is a shortage of people with my certification which is great for job security.

[Gwenn]

Oh, and speaking of MILs, mine told me the other day the 1 cent tax "would only go to give teachers raises and wouldn't help the students." :pokey: