Force Feeding...

[Mrs. C]

I already know how AP momma's feel about this b/c...you are AP (you are still welcomed to respond). I want to know what traditional parents think about MAKING your children eat. Going as far as opening their mouths and shoving food in or disciplining when they spit it out. Were you force fed as a child? How does this teach kids to obey? Give me your input. Even if you are borderline AP/Tradition, please give input.

Just FYI: I don't do this as my LO is obviously too young and I don't plan on doing it.

Also, what kinds of stuff do you do to entice or coax your kids to eat what you have prepared or do you cook a separate meal for them?

I will put a poll on this as well, it will be private so please respond truthfully.

[Ky'sMom]

I don't believe in force feeding a child.

Luckily, my son is a greedo kid and eats just about everything but eggs and some veggies like tomatoes, onions, and bell peppers. I don't make him eat eggs, as I didn't like them as a child either, but the others he does get on his plate/bowl every once in a while when I make chilli, stir fry and other dishes that include these ingredients. I just let him pick over them most of the time. Today we had stirfry for dinner and I told him that if he ate all his food he cold have a special dessert. I didn't give him much and even though it took him 30 minutes to eat a small bowl, when he usually eats in like 5 minutes. He finished so he could get his dessert. If he doesn't eat it then he doesn't get dessert and most of the time if it is something really yucky he doesn't like, I will still give him dessert anyway.

My family used to make us sit at the table until we ate everything on our plate. I think this trend contributes to obesity in the future so I do my best not to be that way with my kids. I would never force something in their mouths as I would be afraid to choke them. If they don't want to eat and they are healthy, then they will just be hungry as I don't make special meals.

Erin

[flatoutgallop]

Force Feeding is a topic I hate with a passion.
We had to do ALOT of it when L was little, there was really just NO other way to feed him.
As much as I hate to admit it - sometimes that meant having the bottle forced into his mouth, and physically squirting the milk into his mouth, and waiting until he swallowed it..

Once on solids, solids werent a problem, sometimes he required us to pretend to pry his mouth open, but once his mouth is open, he'll eat no worries.

Being FTT, and having feeding tubes, and feeding issues to africa and back, early on, it was just something we HAD to do. If we didnt, he didnt eat, he would starve and get dehydrated (only talking about formula here).

I wasnt personally forcefed as a child, and no - I dont think it teaches them anything - and I would personally never use it as a 'teaching' tool..


We use a few things now to get L to eat what we are that dont include force feeding. Sometimes we add BBQ sauce to stuff, which he ADORES...or we cook a side dish that we know he likes, or we cook some pasta or spahgetti to go with it so he'll eat it...kwim?
We dont go out of our way to make an entire seperate meal for him. Sometimes he doesnt eat it, but thats pretty rare....
And when he doesnt eat alot - we make up for it by giving him more formula before bed, so hes not going to be on an empty tummy.

[Mrs. C]

My family used to make us sit at the table until we ate everything on our plate. I think this trend contributes to obesity in the future so I do my best not to be that way with my kids. I would never force something in their mouths as I would be afraid to choke them. If they don't want to eat and they are healthy, then they will just be hungry as I don't make special meals.

Erin

I totally agree!!! I have been saying this for years...

[flatoutgallop]

I didnt vote, my option wasnt up there...

I would do it under extreme circumstances - like we had with L. But otherwise no.

[TripMomma]

I will not force feed...but I will not make special meals either. If they are hungry they will eat....for most kids. I of course would not fix something I know my kids do not like on purpose.

[Mrs. C]

I should have thought about FTT babies...I am sorry for not putting an option for that.

[moosh34]

My dad tried to force feed me and my siblings when we were younger. I think it's demeaning and violating. I think it mostly becomes about a power struggle. I think that in the beginning most parents just want their kids to grow healthy and strong and then get frustrated when they can't get their kids to eat what is good for them. I just don't believe the dinner table should be a battleground. There may be extreme cases in which parents have to intervene to insure the health of their child, but I think that in general we should all be allowed our likes and dislikes and be in control of what we take into our bodies. Healthy eating habits should definitely be taught, but not forced.

[JulieAnn]

I will not force feed...but I will not make special meals either. If they are hungry they will eat....for most kids. I of course would not fix something I know my kids do not like on purpose.
same here

[Kurt's Mom]

I voted for Oh yeah....they will eat what I cook. but let me tell you why.
I chose this because I believe that a child should eat what is in front of them. No I won't shove it down their throats but they won't leave the table till I am happy with a certain amount of food gone. I was raised with the saying "Don't knock it till you try it" my dad said this to me repeatedly and I always tried it and if I didn't like it I didn't have to eat it. my parents thought that trying it was good enough and my man and I have already decided that is what we are going to do with our children

[mrswilson]

I come from a family with obesity issues and many obesity-related health issues so force-feeding a child or making them eat everything on their plate will never, ever happen in my house. I pride myself on making healthy meals but also being responsive to my children's individual needs. I would not go so far as to prepare individual meals for my children and myself but I will never force my kids to eat what they don't want to eat. I do encourage my DD to try everything and luckily, she is an adventurous eater.

[CDingMama]

I wasn't sure how to vote. My answer is no, but since the only option to go along with that was that it is child abuse had me steer clear of voting. I don't ever think it's a good idea, but I'm not sure if I'd go so far as to call it abuse.

[Dreya]

If the circumstances were extreme enough that I had to do it or my LO would starve, yeah I would do it.

Otherwise no.

I was raised by a mother who was a short-order cook to her kids, she asked what we wanted then would make individual meals for us. My DH on the flip-side was told to clean his plate.

I intend to be somewhere in between, a sort of "this is what we're eating... you can eat it or not eat it but I'm not making anything else." sort of person.

[bridgetwu75]

I have vived memories of gagging on food that I didn't want to eat that my mom was making me eat and I think I swore at, like, age 5 that I would never do that. Really, though, I want my kids to learn to listen to their bodies. I will absolutely pull out all the stops on trying to get them to try new things and making sure they get proper nutrition but never force the issues. Like Ky's mom, I think the whole, "eat everything on your plate" trend does contribute to eating for the wrong reasons.
Toddlers are finicky so I leave a lot of flexibility in this area because I want them to enjoy the food experience and take things at their own pace. It has worked for me as both my children eat a great variety of foods. Savana is three and I have just now started to be a little stricter with her eating the food I present at the time I present it but before that age, I say let them eat when they're hungry...even if it's right after you put everything away! :P

[kenzie]

I don't force my kids to eat. We all sit down when it is meal time and they get whatever I decided to serve. If they chose not to eat it, I will not make anything else. They can choose to go hungry. But, I won't let them turn their noses to something they don't like the looks of. They must always take a "No Thank You Bite". Which means they have to try everything that I put on their plate. After trying it, then they can choose whether or not to eat the rest.

Since my dd is older, she frequently wants to cut a meal short (it takes her forever to eat) and join the rest of us who have already gotten down from the table. In those instances I choose how many more bites she needs to eat in order to be excused. I never force her to eat something she doesn't like and I don't make things that I know she hates. My boys LOVE peas, but she hates them so when we have peas with a meal, I give her another option.

I didn't know which way to vote either.

[silverstar]

I would not force feed unless there was an extreme circumstance like FOG above. My MIL cooks individual meals for everyone; I hate cooking, so I won't be like that. There'll be the same meal for everyone at each meal-time.

[11-12-06]

I woyld never physically force my child to eat - BUT PJ does have to eat his veggies if he wants to have a grain at dinner...and if he didn't eat dinner,he gets no snacks...is THAT forcing him? I don't think so...but I sure as heck am not making something else to eat just because he does want what we cooked.

[11-12-06]

oh and I don't make anything that he does like veggie wise...so I only make him eat what he likes, but does' want to eat becase he would rather have rice instead...

[Mrs JS]

I'm not sure if I wholly consider it child abuse, but I do not and will not force feed my son. I offer him a choice of healthy foods and he eats what he wants. Thankfully he's a good eater and I don't have issues with his growth.

I was forced to eat whether I was hungry or not. I have emotional food issues as an adult and am overweight. I'd like to avoid both in my child.

[CupCake]

I remember being stuck at the table all night because I wouldn't eat my green beans. I had tried them many times and I don't like them. Even to this day. That was at my grandparents house on my mom's side. We lived with my grandparents on my dad's side growing up and there we were allowed to eat whatever we wanted and I can say that from that I learned very poor eating habits.

I would never force feed my kids, but I do expect them to try what I put in front of them. I struggle with this with Caeli all the time. I cook one meal for everyone. If Caeli doesn't want it she doesn't eat it but if she doesn't eat I will make her something else if she's truely hungry. I have a hard enough time getting her to eat as it is I won't punish her by not feeding her just because she doesn't want to eat what I make.

[LanceBabe]

I have never and will never force feed a child. When Erin was a baby, her pedi wanted me to put a tube into her stomach and force feed her that way because she wasn't gaining enough weight. I refused to do it. She was eating very well, she just wasn't gaining weight very well. I talked to her lung specialist and he explained to me that the reason she wasn't gaining, even though she was eating well, was because she expended all the calories she took in just to breath. She was a 25-week preemie and had lung issues for quite awhile.

As for separate meals because a child didn't want/like was I was fixing, no, I didn't do that, either, really. However, I always tried to make sure there was a least some part of every meal that everyone liked, so no one would go hungry.

[hollyn]

I didn't read other responses but here's mine. As a child I was never force fed ever. My mom's saying was "It's better to go to waste in the trash then around your waste". I come from a family of very over weight women who just over eat. So my mom never forced us to eat anything. She always just taught us not to take more than we want and we could always go back for seconds. With Alainah the kid is hit and miss with eatting but she gains weight. She is more of a snacker which is normal for some with a high metabolism like her she eats throughout the day to keep herself going. Last night the child wouldn't touch her supper and she asked for a banana so I gave her a banana and put supper in the fridge she can eat it for lunch. My pedi is always telling me that little kids know when there hungry and there not like adults who will overeat so feed them when there hungry and don't make them eat(this goes for children with no health issues).

[eenchoo]

I don't force feed but I coax my son to open up with dancing - singing and being very very silly. Once he has tasted the first bite, he usually opens up for the rest of it. He doesn't feed himself yet and does not like chunky food so I puree or mash everything I feed him. I hope that is not considered forced feeding!

[mjh8406]

I am an SLP and do feeding therapy with kids who have major aversions to food and I will tell you aversion or not, force feeding is an extrememly bad idea!!!! If you have questions on strategies, feel free to PM me!

[virginia+3]

No way! I may have them take a bite of what I cook, but I would never ever force them. If they dont like it, then I give them something else, like a sandwich.

Thats how my mom treated me. She said I am not them, I dont know if they really like it or not, and since Im not their stomach, I dont know when they are full. My pedi apparently told her that and she agreed.

[Julbella78]

When Hannah was a baby I fed on demand. Although, I will admit that there were times when I gave her a bottle b/c I knew we were going out and I wanted her to be filled so that she wasn't hungry when we were shopping or whatever. Now that she's older, I don't force her to eat but I don't make her special meals. She eats what I provide but for the most part, I try to make all of our meals have something toddler friendly. I wouldn't give her liver and onions and expect her to eat it.

[newmami]

No I would not force my kids to eat, however I will encourage them to try something if they are making a yucky face.... that was the rule in my house, you cannot say you do not like it if you haven't tried it
If they don't feel like eating, I offer something like applesauce, and most of the times that does the trick (to make sure they don't go to bed with an empty stomach)

Both my kids eat what we eat, and they are pretty much open to anything. I make exceptions if the food is too spicy or too condimented for them, but other than that, no special meals for them.

I personally hate picky eaters, that is why since they were little, I made them try all we were eating... both of them loooove to steal food from mami/daddy's plate, so they tried almost everything

Eenchoo, that is not force feeding, that is using mommy's wisdom to make them eat!! if William is opening his mouth to eat the rest, you are not forcing him!!

[NSenadenos]

Ok, I didn't read the other responses.

I consider myself pretty "traditional" by APA's definition.

I don't get the idea of shoving the food in the child's mouth, and I've never known anyone that has done that. For my two cents, that would be very dangerous I would think, and would risk choking.

I do subscribe to the train of thought that you eat what everyone else is eating or you go hungry. That was also the rule that both DH and I had growing up. I don't believe in being a shortorder cook. And for the most part, breakfast and lunch would be what I consider "kid friendly" - stuff like cereal or pancakes for breakfast, things like PB&J for lunch most days, so I don't feel like if they skip dinner they are going to starve. I believe if they are hungry, they will eat.

The exception to this has been Athena, she has been diagnosed with SPD and textures are one of her "triggers." She is extremely underweight, even with supplementation because this child WILL starve herself because of her disorder. So I've gone out of my way to make sure that there is something that I know she will eat available.

Shane and Jasmine both eat what we are eating. Shane's plate is obviously modified somewhat since he is a baby obviously, so I can't give him something like a steak. But the majority of the meals he is eating what we do.

The only scenario where I have "force fed" was with Athena in the hospital when she was a newborn. The child did not eat the first 48 hours and it was to the point where they were concerned, so we syringed some boob juice in her mouth.

I didn't vote.

[maine06]

forcing a child to eat something they don't like, or, when they are full, is teaching them to not follow their hunger cues and what their body is telling them. Not only is that physically harmful, it's also mentally harmful.

And I am speaking purely about CHILDREN, not babies...

[virginia+3]

forcing a child to eat something they don't like, or, when they are full, is teaching them to not follow their hunger cues and what their body is telling them. Not only is that physically harmful, it's also mentally harmful.

And I am speaking purely about CHILDREN, not babies...

ITA!!

And it doesnt necessarily mean a picky eater.

Garrett, for a long time, would not eat spaghetti. He would take a bite, gag and not eat. So if I made it, I gave him a pb&j.

The other night, I gave him some, as thats what we do, keep offering. He ate it ALL and said it was really good.

I look at it this way. I am not their taste buds. If they are saying they dont like it, who am I to tell them otherwise, ya know? Since I know what they may not eat, I am more then happy to give them a sandwich. I wont cook a separate meal, but I will give them a sandwich, if its something they just dont like.

I dont eat what I dont like, so why should I make them?

[sarahlynn]

i dont get it, but why would one do this that is my question?

my kids dont always eat that much and sometimes choose not to eat, in the past ive asked their doc if i should worry when they eat little or nothing and she/he always says they wont starve..dont worry.

so if they choose not to eat they dont eat..no skin off my back..

the only reason i can see a parent doing this would be to have power over the child.

if they choose not to eat..who cares?

[LissaP]

As kids, we had to sit at the table until our plates were clear as well. I clearly remember shoving food under the rim of the plate or discreetly tossing it onto the floor for the dog. I have weight issues today- do I think that contributed to it? I have no idea, but it's not something I will be doing with Stone.

On the other hand- as FOG posted- sometimes in extreme circumstances, you have to do things you don't want to do. Recently, when Stone was critically ill and extremely dehydrated, we had to hold him down and force liquids down his throat. I cried the entire time, but ultimately, it probably saved his life.

[BrittanyW2006]

There is never a reason to force feed your child IMO. We do a lot of disguising veggies by pureeing them & sticking them in foods he likes though. I would never open his mouth & stick vegetables in! Ridiculous.

[eenchoo]

Eenchoo, that is not force feeding, that is using mommy's wisdom to make them eat!! if William is opening his mouth to eat the rest, you are not forcing him!!
Thank you! My dh is always telling me to stop forcing him...:truce:

[EKZZS]

My plan is when Isaac gets older he eats what I fix. I will not make a special meal for him. Now I will be considerate and if he truely doesnt like something I wont make it every day and force him to eat it. My parents did that to me, they would force me to eat greens, they would gag me, still do, I would sit in tears while they forced me to eat them. What was the point? I am 25 and still hate them.

As far as babies go...I think there are some instances where you have to do this. Isaac was one, we had to literally force him to eat for a couple months. We are talking "milking" the nipple, etc. But thats a preemie thing, he hated to eat, didnt have the strength, etc. Now he's a little piggy and will eat anything with gusto.

[hanvan]

I encourage my children to eat what I've made but I would never FORCE food into their mouths.

What made you ask this question? :)

[PurplePasion]

I've had to force feed medicine to DS#2 when he was small. Did I feel bad? Sure... Was is punishment? No... Would I do it again? Of course, it had to be done.

I don't make special meals and never had to. I taught my kids from the time that they started eating solids that they had to eat a certain amount and the rest was up to them. DS#2 is a picky eater but learning that it was either eat or go hungry he usually ate what was in front of him. However, I'm not mean about it and make sure there is little or nothing of his true dislikes on his plate. Now if he makes his own plate, he has to eat it. But my boys are older so things are a little different now.
As punishment, some may think its never acceptable. To each her own. DS#1 tested me once when he was about 9 and he ate only oatmeal for three days (and that included his lunch at school). Was it a punishment? Yes, and if he pulled the same stunt of stealing money from home to buy junk food out of the vending machines at school I'd do it again and more harsh. Did he go back to the vending machines at school? No. Do I feel I've scarred him? No. Does he still like to eat oatmeal for breakfast? Yes.

[BabyTorres06]

No I have never force fed Lino. He'll eat when he's hungry and i'm not gonna force anything on him. I will go out of my way to make something different for him if what I just cooked is a little spicy or something I know he won't eat. he's just as happy with a Cheese and turkey breast sandwich and cheezit crackers. If he won't eat period or just take 2 bites and no more, then i'll give him a prediasure or two just so he has SOMETHING in his tummy.

[MandaRae]

I haven't read the other responses. :)

We were always (and still are) low key about eating. We NEVER force fed our ds. We've only done "only two more bites and you're done" twice.

Ds is a great eater, so if he's not feeling hungry, or says he's done, I say ok, clean him off, and let him go play.

And all this with a ds in the 10%ile for weight. I just never wanted eating to be a struggle and it hasn't been. :D

ETA: Oh, and he eats what we eat. We do not make separate food for him.

[Jessie]

We've had to in an extreme case. Bad endo who gave us no flexibility. Insulin on board means she needs to eat the carbs it's covering. If she doesn't she risks going low and that is DANGEROUS and if she goes too low deadly. So on occasion we've had to force. With a pump and a more flexible schedule we don't have to do that. I also use to subscribe to eat what we eat unless it's something new and I don't know if you will like it or not. I can't do that either. Lyric can't basal test for a full day (eating carb free food) because she gets starvation ketones. Ketones are dangerous too. So if she doesn't like dinner she gets something else. She can't go to bed with having eaten nothing. It just can't happen in our house.

I really don't believe in forcing a kid to eat. We don't have to do that know unless she gets low and combative. Then I have no choice but to force juice or glucose gel.

[ColtsFan1912]

nope. I've learned force feeding doesn't work (course this was in the nursing home but basically the same) though under extreme circumstances (as in way underweight etc) i understand & think its ok. So i say no but I don't think its abuse. (though i guess it could be if your shoving it down there just cause they don't like their peas or something hehe)

[virginia+3]

We've had to in an extreme case. Bad endo who gave us no flexibility. Insulin on board means she needs to eat the carbs it's covering. If she doesn't she risks going low and that is DANGEROUS and if she goes too low deadly. So on occasion we've had to force. With a pump and a more flexible schedule we don't have to do that. I also use to subscribe to eat what we eat unless it's something new and I don't know if you will like it or not. I can't do that either. Lyric can't basal test for a full day (eating carb free food) because she gets starvation ketones. Ketones are dangerous too. So if she doesn't like dinner she gets something else. She can't go to bed with having eaten nothing. It just can't happen in our house.

I really don't believe in forcing a kid to eat. We don't have to do that know unless she gets low and combative. Then I have no choice but to force juice or glucose gel.

I dont think in your case, anyone would think its bad, ya know? Its whats best for her :hugs:

[Cassandra]

There are a few posts here that address medical issues (FTT, diabetes), and I think unless one has had a child with a medical issue, it is unfair to judge feeding patterns.

Amelia is not FTT, but she does have a feeding delay, and weight gain has always been a challenge. I worry all the time about establishing healthy eating habits for a lifetime and still making sure she gains enough weight now. I work with a nutritionist, SLP, and her pediatrician. There have been times that she has been crying and refusing to eat that I slip another spoonful in. And then another. Sometimes she cries before she even knows what it is and once she has it she likes it. Sometimes she just doesn't want to eat, and at those times, I have to make sure she gets a little something in her. I don't wrestle her to the ground, but I do try to get her to take a few more bites before we're done.

When your 16 lb 10 oz 17 month old loses a pound in a week b/c she isn't feeling well and won't eat or drink, then tell me what you will or won't do in terms of feeding.

I know this is a little defensive, but there were some tones here that were a bit judgmental.

Now, if my child had no issues, I would not force her to eat, and I currently don't force her to eat things she doesn't like. I expect her to try things a few times, and if there is something she doesn't like, that's fine. DH and I both have things we won't eat. I do sometimes do separate meals, but I work mostly to find something that works for all 3 of us.

[Corrie]

I dont force feed, but i force taste. My son is VERY picky when it comes to food. I can count on one hand all the foods he will eat. What i do is i quickly put whatever it is i want him to try in his mouth so he can see "hey this is sweet, yum!". It doesnt work though lol. I would never force feed an actual meal though, just a taste in hopes he may actually like it.

[kia]

I have three adult children and have never force fed any of them. What I did was simply explain to them that as they grow up their tastes in foods change just like their bodies. So everytime we had a food that they didnt like I put just the tiniest amount of that food on their plates and told them just to try it. My son Levi hated spinach but the rest of us loved it and I never stopped eating it because he didnt like it. I would put like one tiny leaf on his plate and he would try it and say 'nope, I dont like it yet mom' and I said 'okay, maybe next time' and he wouldnt eat it. There were times over the years when my kids would try something and to mine and their delight they would actually like it. It was very exciting for all involved when they would eat that dreaded food!

I was never force fed as a child, but made to feel guilty about not eating it instead, which I think is just as bad.

kia

[kendallina]

I wasn't sure how to vote. My answer is no, but since the only option to go along with that was that it is child abuse had me steer clear of voting. I don't ever think it's a good idea, but I'm not sure if I'd go so far as to call it abuse.

Yup- exactly my thought. I also did not vote, but would not force feed my child, but wouldn't call it abuse.

[macksmom]

I have not gotten a chance to read the other responses but no I would never do that. I would think that is setting up really bad eating habits and a bad relationship with food which would no doubt lead to obesity or other eating disorders. Besides I think it's disrespectful and respect is very important to me - you need to show it to get it back.

[EKZZS]

I have three adult children and have never force fed any of them. What I did was simply explain to them that as they grow up their tastes in foods change just like their bodies. So everytime we had a food that they didnt like I put just the tiniest amount of that food on their plates and told them just to try it. My son Levi hated spinach but the rest of us loved it and I never stopped eating it because he didnt like it. I would put like one tiny leaf on his plate and he would try it and say 'nope, I dont like it yet mom' and I said 'okay, maybe next time' and he wouldnt eat it. There were times over the years when my kids would try something and to mine and their delight they would actually like it. It was very exciting for all involved when they would eat that dreaded food!

I was never force fed as a child, but made to feel guilty about not eating it instead, which I think is just as bad.

kia

I dunno..looking at your siggy, it looks like your little one is not impressed with what she's being "forced" to eat..(j/k) :-P

[flatoutgallop]

:hugs: cassandra...It is one of those things that you just dont know till you've been there, yk..

[MamaKat]

I won't force my kids to eat, but I will only make one meal unless they are sick. When I was hit by a car I dropped a lot of weight so for a long while my mother made me whatever I wanted to eat just so I would eat. I wont shove it down their throats. I'll offer it to them and try to get them to eat a few bites, but I know toddlers have the tendencies to be snackers and wont eat full meals.

[NSenadenos]

Wanted to add for the FTT and other issue ladies...

When I wrote my response I was picturing someone holding their 3 yearold down and shoving carrots in her mouth because she wouldn't eat her veggies. That was the image I got from the OP. Obviously having to force feed your child for medical reasons would be totally different. Sorry if I offended.

[Adelita]

Right now I trust that he's getting what he needs. If he feels hungry he gets fussy, once he's full, he's a contented little guy. Sometimes he eats, sometimes he doesn't -- I won't worry until he's older. his weight gain is good, and he's growing pretty healthily.

[mjh8406]

There are a few posts here that address medical issues (FTT, diabetes), and I think unless one has had a child with a medical issue, it is unfair to judge feeding patterns.

Amelia is not FTT, but she does have a feeding delay, and weight gain has always been a challenge. I worry all the time about establishing healthy eating habits for a lifetime and still making sure she gains enough weight now. I work with a nutritionist, SLP, and her pediatrician. There have been times that she has been crying and refusing to eat that I slip another spoonful in. And then another. Sometimes she cries before she even knows what it is and once she has it she likes it. Sometimes she just doesn't want to eat, and at those times, I have to make sure she gets a little something in her. I don't wrestle her to the ground, but I do try to get her to take a few more bites before we're done.

When your 16 lb 10 oz 17 month old loses a pound in a week b/c she isn't feeling well and won't eat or drink, then tell me what you will or won't do in terms of feeding.

I know this is a little defensive, but there were some tones here that were a bit judgmental.

Now, if my child had no issues, I would not force her to eat, and I currently don't force her to eat things she doesn't like. I expect her to try things a few times, and if there is something she doesn't like, that's fine. DH and I both have things we won't eat. I do sometimes do separate meals, but I work mostly to find something that works for all 3 of us.

From the examples you gave, I really don't think you are force feeding her....IMO! Your baby needs special help and that is what you are giving her :hugs:

[Worknmom]

I think I am a mostly traditional mom with AP tendencies :)
No force feeding here. But I also will not cook something seperate for them. I do ask my son to at least try 1 bite of something new, but don't force him to eat a whole serving.

I have a big problem with forcing your child to eat. Under most circumstances they know when they are hungary and when they are not. Unless their health is in danger, I dont see any benefit to force feeding.

ETA: I have encouraged extra bites. Like asking my son to take 2 more bites of brocoli before leaving the table. I know he likes brocoli and if he hasn't eaten alot I may ask him to take a few extra bites. But if he is really full I will not force him to.


Kay

[Armylovin]

(((HUGS))) to the mommies who have feeding medical problems-I couldn't imagine-it truly is a thought that I was taking for granted, until reading these posts it just never occured to me that problems like that do exist.

My boys are still little, we don't have a feeding 'schedule' but can predict now when they will be hungry and we give them a bottle whenever and where ever they want it. As they get older we have decided that we will cook everything under the sun for them to try-if they don't like they don't have to eat it. Once we learn their likes/dislikes we will modify our cooking to fit that-if that means making them corn while we eat cabbage because we LOVE cabbage and they hate it, then thats ok with me. I want them to grow up with a love and respect for all types of foods and I want meal time to be nothing but pleasant all around.

[rhiannasmoms43]

Why would somebody force feed their child? I have never encountered a child who wouldn't eat, so I don't really understand.

[rhiannasmoms43]

i dont get it, but why would one do this that is my question?

my kids dont always eat that much and sometimes choose not to eat, in the past ive asked their doc if i should worry when they eat little or nothing and she/he always says they wont starve..dont worry.

so if they choose not to eat they dont eat..no skin off my back..

the only reason i can see a parent doing this would be to have power over the child.

if they choose not to eat..who cares?

ITA This is what I wanted to say.

[DIVADLX]

I may be an AP mama, but it is as a mama with an eating disorder that says he!! no.

[daylilies]

I won't force feed. One of the few bad memories of my childhood is of sitting at the table with a plate of cold food, or being yelled at to finish my milk (I didn't like milk and I still don't)
There are many battles you can have with your child and I think food issues is one that should be avoided if possible.

[tracilyn]

I don't think food should be forced. I do not force my kids to eat what they do not like. I do ask that they try everything once. When I make dinner I make sure to make foods everyone likes. If you don't eat dinner there are no desserts or treats. But I also do not make my kids clean their plate. When they are done eating and full that is it.

[caligirl07]

Speaking for my perfectly healthy child without medical food issues. I try to keep everything toddler friendly but there are those nights where dinner tends to be a bit more grown up (tacos for example so I make her a quesidilla with all the same stuff just presented differently so she has a chance of it landing in her mouth).

Also as she gets older I plan on doing what my parents did. I had to try what ever was for dinner but if I didn't like it I could have a PB&J sandwich (but nothing else) that way there was a back up but mom wasn't a short order cook. We also had to make our own sandwich if that was what we choose.

The other thing is some days Tristyn just isn't hungry and thats fine with me, she doesn't have to eat if she doesn't want to, but of course she doesn't have any weight issues.

[elmobo]

Coming from a mom with no history of FTT babies or any other weight gaining condition, no. I wouldn't force feed. I would never make my girls finish their plates, because I have memories of having to sit at a table and finish all my squash. I used to HATE squash. My dad would make me feel guilty about not eating if I wasn't hungry. I wouldn't do that to my child. But.....if either one of them HAD to be force fed, then by all means, I would do that to keep them...well...alive! Fortunately, DD eats whatever I cook, but not always alot. I'm fine with that. She's allowed to be full. :silly:

[Casey]

I'm a traditional mommy here, and I will not pry his mouth open, but he will eat what we are eating if not, he can go without. I will not make him eat everything that is on his plate but he will have to take bites of each, and still sit with us until everyone at the table is finished. If he doesn't eat his "quota" I guess you can say, then he will not get a dessert or snack later.

[Mrs. C]

Ok, well there is pretty much a consensus in this issue. I asked this question because I know someone who does this...forces her son's mouth open and shoves food in, spanks if he spits it out and spanks if he doesn't eat how much she expects him to eat.

Like a lot of you, I have my memories of sitting at the table with cold food being yelled at to finish it. These memories are not of my mother but of a step mother. I also remember hearing from different people that I needed to finish what was on my plate (especially when out to eat) because "they paid good money for it".

I understand both sides of the coin...some children need to be force fed because of different medical problems. I would never fault someone in this case. I was mostly talking about those parents that do shove food down their child's throat just b/c the child is not "obeying" them when they say, "eat your food". Other children need to explore tastes but be respected when they say, "I don't like it".

As for my DH and I, we have decided that our children will be required to taste but if they don't like it, they don't have to have any more. We kind of have a plan that while they are still little we will put one piece of everything on their plate and ask that they at least finish that one bite, and if they want more they just ask.

We truly believe that parents need to make it easy for a child to succeed at whatever they are doing, especially at first (then you can make it harder as they grow). As a child looks at their plate, they can see one piece of chicken...all they have to do to succeed is to eat that one piece and then they have finished. BUT, if a child looks at their plate and their are 5 pieces and he eats one, it looks like A LOT is still left. This is discouraging, don't you think?

I wanted to see what some of you ladies thought on the subject. Thanks for all of your replys and educating me on some of the trials you ladies go through with your children and eating.

[rhiannasmoms43]

I felt a physical pain when I read that you know someone who actually force feeds their child. I want to pick that little one up and run away with them.

[teachermom]

I personally have too many issues with food to do anything like this. I don't want eating to stress her out.

My BFF's parents had a cool philosophy, IMO. They made dinner each night and the kids were asked to try a bite of each thing the mom prepared. If they didn't like it, they could have a PB&J sandwich. As they got older, they even prepared the sandwich themselves. My BFF said that she got so sick of PB&J that she started eating everything her mom made and is now a really open and healthy eater.

[bridgetwu75]

Holy crap. :ohno:

[Dreya]

Wow that's really sad :( poor child.

[proudmommaof4]

I read something once that stuck with me, along the lines of:
Parents should decide WHAT and WHEN a child eats, the child should decide IF and HOW MUCH they eat. Also, that while children need to try each food that is offered, something they like should be offered as well.

[shaylanh]

I would never force feed except in special circumstances that some of the PP's mentioned like having a child who had health problems or something of that nature. But as punishment? NO WAY. But, no I rarely make special meals. If we have something weird, for example my husbands favorite fish marinated in beer, I will make her something different. But my grandma would always fix something different if my brother didn't eat it and now he's so picky it's annoying.

[bryans_mommy]

I'm more of a "traditional" parent but I don't believe in force feeding babies or children - it instills bad eating habits and teaches them that they should eat even if they're not hungry, which can lead to obesity and other problems later in life. a healthy child will eat when they're hungry and won't when they're not. if there are no signs of illness it's not a cause of concern if a child seems to not eat or just nitpick a few meals.
my son is 6 and he STILL does this. he'll go through periods where he'll eat basically 2 bites from his plate and leave the table. but then he'll also go through periods where he'll sit down and eat even more than I do. (you'd be shocked how much this kid eats when he does eat :laugh:)

there are times where my son doesn't want to eat his dinner but DOES want a cookie or something. so I'll tell him he needs to at least eat his chicken first, because obviously he is hungry but just doesn't want to eat what's in front of him. but I wouldn't call that force feeding though - just ensuring that junk isn't the only kind of food he eats. I have a hard time ever getting him to eat vegetables, but still offer them anyway and if he eats them he eats them and if he doesn't he doesn't. hopefully by at least making the effort of offering he may eventually just eat them every time but for now I don't make that a big deal.

[bryans_mommy]

I read something once that stuck with me, along the lines of:
Parents should decide WHAT and WHEN a child eats, the child should decide IF and HOW MUCH they eat. Also, that while children need to try each food that is offered, something they like should be offered as well.

that's very much what I do, just summed up a lot shorter than I wrote it. :P

[LBivens]

I would never shove food into Peyton's mouth! I do however make his meal and if he doesn't eat it then he can wait till the next time to eat!

[bryans_mommy]

Wanted to add for the FTT and other issue ladies...

When I wrote my response I was picturing someone holding their 3 yearold down and shoving carrots in her mouth because she wouldn't eat her veggies. That was the image I got from the OP. Obviously having to force feed your child for medical reasons would be totally different. Sorry if I offended.

that was the image I got as well. I believe that force feeding your child due to illness or other medical condition is completely different.

[CrazyJen]

I put yup a couple of times, but I don't go so far as to exactly forcing the food into his mouth, but I do however force him to sit at the table til his food is eaten...and a couple of times I have spoon fed him (he's 7....surprise surprise, it's only the veggies he has a problem with)

[impatient]

I have not had a chance to read all responses (just kind of browsed through them) ... I guess I force feed. My DS needs to get a taste of a food before he is willing to eat. He just assumes otherwise that it is yucky. I always name the food I give him, but he does not understand/remember the names yet. So I always take a little bit and put a it on his lips first so that he can taste it. After that it is his choice whether he eats it or not (95% of the time he starts eating). I never thought of this as force feeding ... but I obviously force him to taste it. In my opinion, I am not abusing my child.

[stlgirl]

I will not force feed...but I will not make special meals either. If they are hungry they will eat....for most kids. I of course would not fix something I know my kids do not like on purpose.

Same here. I was always made to feel guilty if I left food on my plate. My mom also made us eat food we didn't like. I won't do that to my child. If she doesn't want the meal we are eating, she can eat a piece of fruit or a veggie of her choice but I will not make a completely different meal.

[Charleen84]

I don't force feed my children, however I will not make them something special for dinner. They either eat what I put on the table or they wait till the next meal.

[minna_k04]

I'm a traditional mommy here, and I will not pry his mouth open, but he will eat what we are eating if not, he can go without. I will not make him eat everything that is on his plate but he will have to take bites of each, and still sit with us until everyone at the table is finished. If he doesn't eat his "quota" I guess you can say, then he will not get a dessert or snack later.

This basically sums me up. I don't believe in forcing a child to eat unless medically neccessary, they will eat when they get hungry. Sometimes we really don't stop and think about the size of a childs stomach, and when they are forced to eat, this both stretches the stomach and teaches the child to associate food in the wrong way. I strongly believe that the cause of obesity in this county is mainly habitual. We are taught to eat 3 meals a day, maybe one snack and we get a plate full of food and eat all of it. So I don't force my kids to eat. If they say they are full and I know they are just wanted to do something else, I will tell them to eat. If they are truly not hungry anymore they will sit there and play with thier food until everyone else is finished, but most the time they shovel in a few more bites and I know they weren't finished. I think parents sometimes have a God complex and they just want to be in control so they take it too far. But it doesn't have to go to all of that.